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We Found The Lost Breaking Bad Script

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breaking bad
Unless you've completely avoided television, internet, radio, and all human life for the past few years, you're probably well aware that the final eight episodes of AMC's insanely popular show "Breaking Bad" begin this Sunday, August 11th. Through sources that we cannot reveal, we have obtained the script of one of the final episodes that was stolen from Bryan Cranston! While we aren't certain which episode it is, one thing is for sure, we are in for an explosive final chapter! We would in no way lie to to you about something so serious. This is very, very, very real. There may be a spoiler or two if you aren't all caught up, so proceed with caution!




 

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24 Terribly Awesome Puns

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The Real Reason Doug Martin and Jamaal Charles Should Be Drafted Before Arian Foster and Ray Rice

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doug martin fantasyWe are about a month away from real football, which means we are starting to enter the most joyous weeks of the year: fantasy football drafts.

I have a theory about this year's drafts that affect you guys who manage to snag a top four pick. This is kind of a weird year with a handful of top flight running backs. At last year's draft there were three sure things (one of which--LeSean McCoy--didn't pan out so well.)

But this year I think it's safe to say that the first handful of running backs are all expected to perform around the same level in PPR leagues. Those RBs are: Adrian Peterson, Doug Martin, Arian Foster, Ray Rice, Trent Richardson, Jamaal Charles, C.J. Spiller and LeSean McCoy. If you're not doing a PPR, add Marshawn Lynch to that list.

For this argument, let's not even worry about injury concerns (which Foster has many) and assume that all those backs could finish relatively close to each other. (If you think one of these guys is going to blow everyone else out of the water, then go for it. I do not.) We don't even have to get into new systems and schemes and opportunities and upside. Let's just look at some basic math. (Very basic.)

A.P is going first overall in almost every mock draft I've seen, but no one would be surprised if C.J. Spiller was the number one back when the season's over. Having said that, who do you take with one of your early picks? Sure, Peterson will most likely be off the board after pick #1, but anyone from Doug Martin to Arian Foster to Ray Rice to Jamaal Charles could go second. It seems like Spiller, Richardson andMcCoy have all been falling behind the names

jamaal charles fantasySo why should you opt for Doug Martin and Jamaal Charles over Arian Foster and Ray Rice? It isn't your first round pick, it's the expensive handcuff both Foster and Rice cost you in the later rounds.

The truth about picking Foster is that you have to take Ben Tate as your handcuff in the 8th round of a 12-team league. A round where you can get a high upside wide receiver like DeAndre Hopkins or Michael Floyd or even James Jones. And the problem with the Tate pick is that it is completely redundant. You only get a lesser back if Foster goes down. He's essentially a very expensive insurance policy.

The same goes for Rice. If you take Ray Ray before Charles and Martin, you have to spend a lot again to make sure you get Bernard Pierce as a handcuff. Another very, very expensive insurance policy, which you may get very little in return.

Jamaal Charles and Doug Martin, on the other hand, have no one behind them that are worthy of anything higher than an 18th round handcuff. And let's be honest, all 18th round picks are lottery flyers that you have little expectations for anyway. Martin and Charles force you to go all in on your first pick running back and give you much more flexibility to take a high upside player in the 8th or 9th round.

And, ironically, if you snake Pierce or Tate in those rounds after taking Charles or Martin in the first round, they aren't expensive handcuffs for you, they are high-upside running back picks who may even sneak enough carries to be bye week fill-ins.

What it comes down to, is Foster and Rice cost you two draft picks for their one. If you decide to draft Foster or Rice, your first round and 8th round pick go to essentially the same player. If you go for Charles or Martin, you're 8th round pick can be someone who can actually help your team do something.

Drafts are won in the middle rounds. Last year you could have gotten Stevan Ridley, Jason Witten and Robert Griffin III. All players who were difference makers for championship teams.

 

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-7-13

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Exclusive Sneak Peek of Upcoming Episode of 'Drunk History'

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Comedy Central's latest hit show is "Drunk History," where historical reenactments by A-list talent are presented by inebriated storytellers. In this exclusive clip from the upcoming August 13th episode, the A-list talent includes Alfred Molina as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Ken Marino as Houdini. And the storyteller is, well, drunk.

"Drunk History" airs Tuesdays at 10/9c on Comedy Central.

 

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Stephen Colbert And Famous Friends Dance To Daft Punk's "Get Lucky"

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The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Video Archive

When Daft Punk ducked out of an appearance on Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report for contractual reasons, Colbert decided to take action. This cameo-heavy video of Colbert and friends (including Jeff Bridges, Bryan Cranston, Henry Kissinger and more) dancing around to Daft Punk's song of the summer "Get Lucky" is way better than any interview he could've done with two grown men in robot masks.

 

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Man Has Delightfully Sarcastic Response To His Amazon Package Theft

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When one man was robbed of his Amazon delivery he was lucky enough to catch the thief on tape. Now he's going about finding justice with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek.

Phoenix, AZ resident Tim Lake had ordered K-cups and an ice cube tray from Amazon. When Lake wasn't around to pick-up his order, the not-so-stealthy blonde robber struck, swiping his package from right off his doorstep. Since it was all caught on camera, Lake made up a sarcastic Wanted-style poster and started canvasing his Arcadia neighborhood for the perpetrator.

Laughing at this low-level crook hasn't turned up any leads yet, but the more attention he gets for his hilarious way of dealing with this situation, the more exposure he is getting for this ridiculously petty 22 dollar crime. Here's hoping he eventually tracks her down.

Here's the full poster for your amusement:

 

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Cam Newton's Advice For Johnny Manziel

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cam newton, johnny manziel, johnny football, NCAA, NCAA scandal
Cam Newton reached out to Johnny Manziel this week in the wake of Johnny's recent (and current) scandals. Both players are Heisman Trophy winners. And both players endured their own laundry list of headline-creating behavior during their time in the NCAA. So what sort of advice would did Cam give to Johnny?

Luckily, we managed to get a copy of the letter he sent to Johnny Football.

Dear Johnny,

Hey man. I heard about some of the trouble you've been going through and I just wanted to reach out. I know how hard it can be to deal with all the stress and pressure of sudden fame. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming and you may stray off the right path and make some poor decisions. Well, from one Heisman winner to another, I'd like to offer you a little advice as you go through these troubled times.

1. Use a Ski Mask
If I had one regret during college it's that I didn't use a ski mask when I "borrowed" that guy's laptop. I've learned the hard way that a ski mask is a great tool to hide your face when you're out running some "errands." That way, no one can see what your face looks like when you're out "borrowing" stuff and you can just kinda do whatever you want. And apparently people seeing your face always makes the cops show up after you run an "errand." (When I put quotes around a word it means "stealing laptops.")

2. Don't Take Checks
Whenever someone pays you for your autograph or for showing up at an event or for playing for a college team, make sure you don't ask for your money in a check. Apparently the banks keep those and then people can use them to find out that you got some money for the things you did. Cash is the best. I heard PayPal was pretty cool. Maybe look into that, too.

3. Take Photos of Yourself Not Holding Money
I know this one sounds kind of weird, but apparently photos of you holding big wads of money makes everyone go all crazy. The next time you take a photo of yourself, put your giant pile of $100 bills you got for signing a bunch of photos of yourself behind your back or behind the camera or something. Or just walk over to the roulette table and put it all on black (Wesley Snipes LOL.)

4. Come Up With Different Words For Stuff
You're already pretty good at this one, but I found that if you just give a word a different meaning, it's super helpful. Here are some examples:

Hungover = Overslept (This was yours. Genius!)
Taking Money = Taken Advantage Of
Signing Stuff For Monetary Gain On Camera = Just Joking Around
Assholes = Dedicated A&M Fans and/or NCAA Rules Committee
Shitty College Station = Awesome College Station
Alcohol Counseling = Studying for the Bar (this one's kind of a joke ROFL)

It's that simple. Just come up with different words to describe the stuff you do and you'll be in the cleared of all charges before you know it. I'm currently writing this while selfishly celebrating a 4th touchdown even though my team is down 24. (But I'm actually not doing that because the season hasn't started yet. See how easy it is to make words mean whatever you want.)

5. Transfer Schools

Remember, no matter what happens with the cops or the reporters or the alumni or whatever, you can always transfer schools and then win a championship. I mean, it's kind of awesome. It's like nothing happened at all and then you walk away with a bunch of fame and even more money than before. College rules!

See you at the craps table,

Cam

P.S. Can I borrow your laptop? LOL.

 

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The Alex Rodriguez Anti-Highlight Reel

Shanna McLaughlin is Our Favorite Bad Girl

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Sexy Kayden Kross Knows the Kama Sutra

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Get an Eyeful of Aisha Tyler

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Becki Newton is Sure to Get Your Blood Pumping

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How a Guy Reduces Stress and Calms the Nerves

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Life, much like a film, is a series of events with peaks and valleys. Some moments are climactic, in which the main character saves the day, gets the girl and gladly accepts the key to the city, but other moments are consumed with stress and obstacles that can drive a man to the edge. It's in these moments when the noffice stress, neck painerves need a little tension relief, a way to avert your attention and regain composure. So how can a guy calm his nerves? Here are some suggestions.

Put It In Park

Most people think it's natural to have a constant stream of thoughts, one anxiety after another. Once one problem is solved, it's onto the next. Usually it's a laundry list of champagne problems that no one should deal with at all. Was I charged twice for these grapes? Why does time move so quickly? Am I too old for skinny jeans?

With the constant news feed of stress-inducing questions and not enough hobbies to fill the time constructively, worries on top of worries build into an almost opaque wall of negativity and frustration, one built on false truths made up in your sick head. Clear out the stresses that are not real problems and then deal with the real troubles at the opportune time. And yes, you're probably too old for skinny jeans, but wear them anyway, if you like.

Hold That Thought

It's not every moment we have flashes of clarity in our congested minds, where traffic and sidewalks littered with dog doo are gone - figuratively speaking - leaving a trail free of build-ups with clear access to the appropriate paths to take. It's for that very reason why it's best to take your best thoughts home with you, on paper, a napkin or the palm of your hand. Having moments of clarity is like an inspired dream, where upon waking we only call to mind fuzzy recollections and lost translations. And just like having a notepad by your bedside, it's good to carry pen and paper on your person to remind yourself just how clever you once were in hopes of finding your way back there.

Even if you awake the next morning or arrive home from your journey to read your note and think "good lord, whoever wrote this is a sick, illiterate fool," at least you gave it a shot.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, or the Big

You hear it all the time: the constant reminder that life's too short, unpredictable and exciting to worry about every waking detail. People say it's best to let chips fall where they may, letting the big events control the smaller ones, and as long as you keep a tight ship with the big things, you'll be fine. But why not let the big things happen of their own fruition, as well? Instead of actively seeking the things you desire, why not let good things come your way? Sure, initiative and common sense are needed from time to time, but by standing back and looking at the bigger picture, other unseen possibilities project themselves your way, rather than being closed off to the things you want right now. You don't know wlistening to music, headphones, relaxinghat you need, but there's a way to find out.

Find New Music, or Make It

Music has the power to both push our best thoughts forward and pull back stress. Although everyone's favorite brand of music is different, we're all attached to it in the same way. It's hard to find somebody who doesn't respond to any music at all; in fact, that's nearly impossible as music has a very loose terminology. If the fires of stress are burning at your door, isolate yourself from a situation that cannot be solved immediately and find solace in its harmony, especially new music that might open new perspectives to an older dilemma.

Making your own music is possibly one of the most stress relieving things a person can do, where sounds and progressions come together like waves in the sea, eventually bringing you back to shore in order to regain poise and start anew.

Go With Your Gut

Your intuition is sometimes all you have, so don't ignore it when you reach a moment of plight. Dive within yourself, but get out of your head, and let the truth rise up. Forget all the noise that stands outside your window. You can let it in if you like, but don't sell yourself on the fictions others have for you. With every difficult decision, we have to choose something that will sit well with us for the long haul, not some momentary pleasure, so do what you know in your gut is best, even when it's a horse-sized pill to swallow. When you live with conviction, you rise to the occasion more honestly and without fear, as opposed to squeamishly living in a self-centered world where you care about one thing only: yourself. Other than perks of music, meditation is one of the only things that can get you out of your mind and into a more nourishing mental environment, bringing light to questions that seem a little too dark to handle.

Keep It Simple

Instead of bruising your ego or traumatizing your mind, keep it simple and you'll have less to contend with. Just like not sweating the little stuff, living simply offers less stress when there's less to control, keep up and consume. People who live alone in mansions with guesthouses, ride around on big boats and have more Tinder girlfriends than they can count are only making things more difficult for themselves. Evaluate your life and the stuff you don't need, and adjust to make things easier.

When you feel the load getting too heavy, the space around you getting too small, it's a sign for a little needed house cleaning. For every stack of partially discarded effects that isn't let go of, there's a proportionate influx in your stress level. Take away the clutter and away goes your tension.

Call Your Mother

If all else fails, there's one fail-safe: mother dearest. The woman who brought your sorry ass into this world and raised you into a blossoming flower is also the woman who knows what's best for you, and probably always will. Even if you've somehow managed to age gracefully, she'll still know better than you. With kicking and screaming at her disapproval of our life choices, declaring she's insufferable and lives in vanquished times, she somehow stands apart from every crazy woman we've ever met. Not only is she more supportive than you know, but probably right on the money. In time, you'll find that out. Until then, you'll just have to trust she has your best at heart. She has to, because she's afraid you'll put her in a home if not.

 

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Everything We Know, Going Into the Final (Half) Season of 'Breaking Bad'

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It's finally here. On Sunday, August 11th, everyone's favorite crystal meth dealers, Walter White and Jesse Pinkman, will reacbreaking bad season 5 poster, remember my name poster, walter whiteh the end of the line. So, in giddy anticipation of what could easily go down as one of the most satisfying final seasons to a series in television history, we decided to gather up as much info that we could find on the show's epic conclusion, so you can be as prepared to say goodbye as possible. (Warning: POTENTIAL SPOILERS, but then again, who really knows?)

AMC Wants You Caught Up ...

Like any television station looking to draw in as many viewers as possible, AMC has provided several ways to catch up on all things "Breaking Bad" on the shows official website. These ways include Midnight Badness Late-Night Encores, aka the station showing reruns late at night, a full series recap in text form, as well as other ways to watch episodes. Of course, you can also catch the show on-demand using Netflix, which just made all episodes available, including the first eight of season 5.

... But They Aren't Giving You Much on the Final Season

As much as AMC may want you to tune in, they are clearly hesitant to give many details of the final season (or technically, the second half of season 5). Case in point, the promo posters like the one above and teasers for the end are quite minimal in terms of anything remotely being a spoiler. Heck, even this screencap from the show's first episode back tells us virtually nothing. However, the most recent trailer titled "Ozymandias" may give us a little glimpse into Walt's mindset going into the final episodes.



Prepare to Over-Analyze

Taking a cue from their other extremely popular series, "The Walking Dead," AMC plans to air an hour-long, post-episode discussion series called "Talking Bad" after each episode of the final eight. It will also be hosted by Chris Hardwick. However, unlike "Talking Dead," the "Breaking Bad" counterpart series will air an hour later than each episode, as they plan to air "Low Winter Sun," a new crime drama, immediately after "Breaking Bad."

Go Ahead and Get Attached to Saul

Just don't think he is any more or less likely to wind up dead when all is said and done with "Breaking Bad." While series creator Vince Gilligan is currently mulling over concepts of a Saul Goodman spinoff with fellow writer and creator Peter Gould, they are still unsure whether the series would be a straight-up spinoff of the series, or a prequel to it. No deals have been made yet, either, so while this final half of season 5 will certainly bring about the conclusion of the story, everyone's favorite slimy lawyer may live on beyond the end. (Related: More "Breaking Bad" Spinoffs)

Vince Gilligan Had No Clue What He Got Us Into

Sure, now he does, since the premiere is days away, but last summer was a completely different story. Remember the flash forward at the beginning of season 5? At the time, Gilligan didn't even have a clue where that story was going, or even how it got to that point. As for the ending and whether or not he had a set plan from the get-go, according to an interview with Vulture back in January, "It's just, I can't see my way clear to do that because the characters in 'Breaking Bad' are in a state of constant changejonathan banks, breaking bad mike by design." In other words, if the creator was unsure of where things would turn up himself, surely the ending will be a shocker for the ages. And fortunately, Gilligan has stated that he is "satisfied by the ending," as well.

Mike Wants Walt Dead

Okay, technically we are referring to actor Jonathan Banks, who portrayed Mike Ehrmantraut from season 2 until the seventh episode of the first half of season 5, when he was killed by none other than Walter White himself. During a recent interview with Zap2It, prior to his 2013 Saturn Awards win for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Banks was asked whether he thought Walter White should die in the finale. His answer: "One would hope. He's become the really bad guy." And Banks played Gus Fring's right-hand man, for crying out loud.

Bryan Cranston Will Direct the First of the Last

While everyone knows that Bryan Cranston is a phenomenal actor, he's actually made quite a name for himself as a director over the past ten years, with such credits to his name as multiple episodes of "Malcolm in the Middle," and other famous sitcoms such as "Modern Family" and "The Office." He directed the first episodes of both seasons 2 and 3 of "Breaking Bad," and directed the first of the final eight, entitled "Blood Money." You know, the one that airs on August 11th we're all waiting for.

The Show Will Go On ... If You Speak Spanish

Don't get us wrong, "Breaking Bad" will come to a definitive end, but "Metástasis," the recently announced Univision remake of the series, will only have just begun. Spanish-language actor Diego Trujillo is set to play the title character, this time named Walter Blanco, while Roberto Urbina will portray Jose Miguel Rosas, otherwise known as Jesse Pinkman. Of course, the success of such a venture is still up in the air.

You'll "Sh*t Your Pants"

That is, according to Aaron Paul. The actor has been quoted as saying of the final eight episodes, "You guys are going to sh*t your pants. [...] Before I read the final eight episodes - the final eight hours of the show - I was thinking to myself that this was so tragic. I can't believe this show is ending. I didn't want it to end but, after knowing how the final eight hours play out, I couldn't be happier with the ending" (ScreenRant). Coming from one of the main actors on the series, that means a lot. Here's hoping it lives up to the hype.

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul Heart 'Breaking Bad'

We have to say, for two guys who already play the main characters of the hit drama, Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul sure can't seem to stop themselves from geeking out over it. In fact, Cranston took a lucky contest winner for the ride of their life to the recent premiere party and also got a "Breaking Bad" tattoo, while Paul plans on hosting a screening of the finale for the cast and crew of the series at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery when it airs later this year. No word yet on if and when any more screenings will be held to the public, but keep a close eye on his Twitter for more details. Best of all, proceeds for both will go to noble causes. Gotta love these guys.bryan cranston breaking bad tattoo

 

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NCAA Football Players vs. Prison Inmates

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When you think about it, going to a big-time college football program isn't all that different from going to prison. Here's a look at the many similarities between trying to make it in the NCAA and fighting for survival in jail.

ncaa football players vs. prison inmates

 

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-8-13

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25 Signs Your Roommate Is Masturbating (Or Just Finished)

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week - 8-8-13

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Insane Tourist Bus Crash Caught on Camera in China

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This footage comes via the security camera on a tourist bus in China. Apparently, the driver missed his exit, so he tried to back up on the highway. That's when the rear of the bus was smashed into by an oncoming truck. Miraculously everyone on the tourist bus survived. Unfortunately, the driver of the truck that plowed into the bus died in the crash. (Fast forward to the :58 mark for the collision.)

 

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