Joseph Kony

Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony came to the world's attention in 2012 when a video aimed at educating the world about his actions went viral. The creators of the video were soon revealed to be flim-flam men themselves, but Kony's actions are horrific enough to earn him a place on this list. As leader of the Lord's Resistance Army, a guerilla group working to "purify" Uganda and turn it into a theocracy, Kony  recruited thousands of children and trained them to fight, telling them that a cross drawn on their chests in oil would make them bulletproof. His army is notorious for attacks on civilian populations, massacring multitudes at concerts and other gatherings.

General Butt Naked

Born Joshua Milton Blahyi, the crazed fighter who would become General Butt Naked was one of the most feared combatants in the Liberian civil war of the 1990s. A member of the Sarpo tribe, Blahyi claims that the Devil appeared to him during a ritual and told him he was destined to become a great warrior, but he needed to sacrifice humans and eat their flesh to fulfill his potential. Working for rebel warlord Roosevelt Johnson, the General would lead his troops into battle completely starkers except for shoes, claiming that nudity kept him safe from bullets. He would also routinely commit a human sacrifice, typically a child, before entering battle. In 1996, he converted to Christianity and now runs his own ministry.

Sani Abacha

Nigeria is another African nation that has been rife with corruption and abuse, and the reign of Sani Abacha is a perfect example. Abacha was involved in multiple coups from the 1960s onwards, but it wasn't until 1993 that he took the throne for himself. Upon assuming the Presidency, Abacha declared that he possessed absolute power over all branches of the government, and proceeded to launch a program of human rights abuses that boggles the mind. The dictator and his family looted almost $10 billion from the country's treasury and had anyone who opposed their business dealings killed - most notably activist Ken Saro-Wiwa. He died of a heart attack in 1998 while in the company of two prostitutes from Dubai.

Bosco Ntaganda

Here's another African warlord with an evocative nickname. Bosco Ntaganda, also known as "The Terminator," is a Rwandan soldier who first helped overthrow the Hutu-led government there after the Rwandan genocide. From there, he traveled to the Congo where he joined the PFLC in seeking to overthrow that country's government. He became Chief of Military Operations and was responsible for countless human rights abuses. Bosco's prime recruitment pool was children, who were promised women and power in exchange for military service. In 2006, a warrant was issued for his arrest from the International Criminal Court, and he surrendered to them in 2013.

Robert Mugabe

Some of these warlords started their political career as heroes to the people, only to turn on them and become villains. Robert Mugabe was one of the guerilla leaders against colonial rule in Rhodesia during the 1960s and 1970s, and when the country was liberated he easily won open elections to become the first president of the newly-renamed Nigeria. But a rift between Mugabe's government and the Marxist ZAPU faction laid the groundwork for the destruction of democracy in Zimbabwe, with Mugabe embarking on numerous programs of genocide to remove any tribal opposition to his rule. His social programs have resulted in Zimbabwe having the lowest life expectancy of any nation on Earth. Mugabe has also spoken admirably of Hitler, saying that he is the Hitler of the present day.

Muammar Gaddafi

The recently-deposed leader of Libya held on to power for longer than just about any warlord on this list, ruling his country with an iron fist from 1969 to 2011. After overthrowing an unpopular monarchy, Gaddafi established a socialist government that helped consolidate national power in his name. His rule became increasingly erratic, with Libya stockpiling chemical weapons and aiding terrorists all over the world. One of the most shocking accusations made against Gaddafi is that he provided his soldiers with Viagra-like drugs to encourage them to rape enemy women. In 2011 he fled the capitol but was captured and killed by militia rebels.

Thomas Lubanga

The founder of the Union of Congolese Patriots, Thomas Lubanga was a key player in the Ituri conflict, where two rival tribal groups battled over a gold-rich region in the northern part of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Under his command, the UPC was used for massive ethnic cleansing, destroying whole villages to secure potentially profitable gold mines. Lubanga was also a proponent of child soldiers, at one point having over 3,000 fighting for him. The International Criminal Court prosecuted him for violating the Rome Statute, and he was arrested in 2005 in connection with the killing of nine United Nations peacekeepers.

Jean-Bedel Bokassa

One commonality you'll note with many of these warlords is that they were trained in the ways of combat by European colonial forces and then went on to turn that training against them. Jean-Bedel Bokassa was an orphan from French Equatorial Africa who served in the French army, and when that region gained its independence (and renamed itself the Central African Republic) Bokassa was put in charge of the military. Of course, power corrupts, and it wasn't long before Bokassa launched a coup. After taking over the government in 1966, he instituted insane, draconian laws featuring amputation as punishment for even the smallest crimes. In 1977, he held an expensive ceremony to crown himself Emperor of Central Africa that single-handedly bankrupted the entire country. Two years later, the French army intervened and removed him from power.

Before you get angry and comment below on how X actor isn't the most famous and Y actress isn't really from Arkansas, let's talk methodology. Popularity rankings are based on IMDB popularity rankings, Wikipedia actor categories, and, since those lists aren't right sometimes, my brain. In order to be "from" a state, I determined that they had to live there for at least five years. Spend 4.5 years in Hawaii? Sorry, you aren't from there. Deal with it.

This is funny if you are all caught up on Breaking Bad.

Check out our very own Breaking Bad script. It's almost as good as the real show!

@TheFrainbow

Followers: 14K

There are naked photos of UK model Emma Frain on the interwebs, but she stays within the PG-13 social media guidelines like no other on Instagram.

@ClaudiaSampedro

Followers: 234K

When Claudia Sampedro started dating Reggie Bush people said she resembled Kim Kardashian. Yeah, in Kim Kardashian's dreams.

@iza_goulart

Followers: 325K

Brazilian model Izabel Goulart is a former Victoria's Secret Angel who has also modeled for all the top designers, but clearly the world is her runway.

@I_am_Raylene

Followers: 18K

An LA-based TV host and nutrition consultant Raylene Bartolacci likes to work out a lot, and we like to watch. Hooray for Instagram video!

@Emrata

Followers: 232K

Known as the "Blurred Lines" girl, Emily Ratajkowski shot to mainstream fame by starring in the sexy music video, which means you have even less of a chance at dating her now.

@Rpomplun

Followers: 60K

Mexican-American Raquel Pomplun is the 2013 Playboy Playmate of the Year who studied biochemistry in college but majored in #FriskyFriday.

@AmandaCerny

Followers: 100K

Playboy Playmate Amanda Cerny documents her world travels on Instagram and thankfully she seems to pack light.

@_TiannaG

Followers: 146K

Repping South Lake Tahoe, California, Tianna Gregory is by far the hottest vegetarian on the planet.

@nazaninmandi

Followers: 297K

She is dating singer Miguel, so unfortunately you'll have to see a lot of photos of him on Nazanin Mandi's Instagram, but trust me it's worth it.

@melanieiglesias

Followers: 607K

Known for her role on MTV's "Guy Code" and her spinoff "Girl Code," Melanie Iglesias has a weakness for posting family and childhood #TBT shots, but then there's stuff like this.

@lisallamontenegro

Followers: 25K

The only thing that makes Brazilian model Lisalla Montenegro unattractive is that engagement ring on her finger. Screw you, C.J. Wilson!

@chanteljeffries

Followers: 356K

This is how hot Miami model Chantel Jeffries looks without makeup...as if you were looking at her face.

@ninaagdal

Followers: 196K

In the mood for a good Danish? How about Danish Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Nina Agdal, who also starred in a Carl's Jr. Super Bowl commercial and our dreams.

@kyrasantoroxx

Followers: 33K

Born and raised in Los Angeles, Kyra Santoro is what you'll get if the government ever decides to move Christmas to the 4th of July.

@tashoakley

Followers: 167K

Co-creator of the popular "a bikini a day" blog, Australian-born Natasha Oakley is all bikini all the time, which means she leaves little to the Instagram imagination up top and down under.

@devin_brugman

Followers: 181K

Also a abikiniaday.com creator, Oakland-born and Maui-raised Devin Brugman calls calls herself a "bikini connoisseur." We agree.

@valeria_orsini

Followers: 353K

Valeria Orsini is part Colombian, part Italian and part Puerto Rican, which when mixed together makes her 100% perfect.

@missnikkileigh

Followers: 170K

Playboy Playmate Nikki Leigh is also a singer and actor so if they ever do a topless episode of "Glee" we'd hope she'd be the first one cast.

@amyloulouwillerton

Followers: 3K

Amy Willerton may not win a popularity contest with only 3K Insta-followers, but as UK's rep in the 2013 Miss Universe, she doesn't need friends like us perverts anyway.

@missAudreyAllen

Followers: 17K

Audrey Allen is another Playboy Playmate, and I swear she's got a face. But, let's be honest, even if she didn't have a face you'd want to sleep with her anyway.

@brittanyfurlan

Followers: 167K

Known mostly for her funny videos, Brittany Furlan became a star on Vine, but we like these photos on Instagram just as much.

@AriannyCeleste

Followers: 280K

Born in Las Vegas, Arianny Celeste rose to fame as a UFC Octagon girl, but on Instagram she seems more like a lover than a fighter.

@brookeevers

Followers: 50K

Australian TV personality Brooke Evers is also a DJ (how hot is that) and we're pretty sure her middle name is WeCouldStareAtHerFor.

Growing up in a family of strict morals and values, Sophie Turner wound up focusing hard on her education, eventually graduating high school in the top 0.02 percent of the entire country.

With such a high academic standing, Sophie could pretty much go to school wherever she wanted. She wound up attending one of the most prestigious law schools in Australia, which is called the Flinders University School of Law.

Of course, when you look like Sophie Turner, it's only going to be a matter of time before you're approached by modeling scouts and whisked off to star on Australia's Network Ten reality series "Search for a Supermodel," which happened in 2001. Sophie went on to win, too.

The grand prize for winning "Search for a Supermodel" was a $250,000 contract with Ford Models. Sophie was already a star from her stint on the series, but blew up in Australia and around the world afterward.

1956: IN-CAR STEREO

Outside of big cities, drivers in the late fifties didn't have a lot of things to listen to on the radio besides eerie static and the occasional ranting preacher. Enter the Chrysler Corporation and the Highway Hi-Fi, a miniaturized phonograph player spinning special 7-inch 16 2/3 RPM records in the awesomely named "ultra-microgroove" format, allowing for up to an hour of music per side.

The player was offered as a factory option across the '56 Chrysler model range along with your choice of six albums from Columbia Records ... and only Columbia Records, as no one else could be convinced to produce albums in the unique format.

The first iteration of Highway Hi-Fi was cancelled after a year, but Chrysler tried again in 1960 using an RCA-designed "upside-down" player that used conventional 45 RPM platters in groups of twelve - as the tone arm reached the end of a record, it retracted so a new record could fall into place.

This system allowed owners to buy regular 45s and mix them around to their own preference, but the fundamental problem of a car-based record player remained in that drivers would have to drive on glass-smooth roads if they wanted to avoid skipping.

1945: HYPERLINK-BASED BROWSING

Vannevar Bush was one of the many scientists, engineers and administrators who quietly helped the Allies win the war as part of the U.S. Office of Research and Development, but by 1945 he was tired of seeing years of research and invention directed almost exclusively towards destruction.

In his essay "As We May Think," Bush proposed the development of what he called the Memex, a microfiche-based electromechanical desktop that would allow a researcher to access a full library of information single-handedly.

So far this was pretty close to a cataloging system he had designed in 1939, but the Memex went one step further by proposing an entirely new indexing system based on "associative trails" where researchers could pull up related subjects, add personal notes, bookmark interesting details and create a personalized "trail" for each researcher that was intended to more closely mirror the way human mind's stored and retrieved information.

The Memex never got beyond the theoretical stage, but the concept of structuring data in a way similar to the human thought process was cited as the inspiration for the internet's "hypertext" system and in many ways is an ancestor of the Wikipedia concept, making it responsible for some 99% of the research-heavy articles found here or on any other website.

1936: VIDEOPHONES

The idea of the videophone has been around since shortly after the invention of the telephone (and long before practical TV technology), but it seems that it has only been fulfilled with the recent popularity of Skype and other Internet-based video systems.

In fact, the first working videophone network was founded in 1936 by the German Post Office, making use of early mechanical televisions and a system of coaxial broadband cables originally laid by the Nazis for the broadcast of the Berlin Olympics to theaters in Berlin and Leipzig.

The videophones were based out of post offices, cost about a fifteenth of the average worker's weekly wage and required the person you were going to videophone to also be at a post office with its own videophone, but were apparently a novel enough experience that plans were announced to lay cable to Cologne and Salzburg before the war cancelled any research or infrastructure project that couldn't be used to blow up London.

1910: SEARCH ENGINE

Self-educated Belgian lawyer Paul Otlet had a bold plan to revolutionize the dull-sounding but important field of documentation science: Gather every available scrap of the world's knowledge, write it all down on 3x5 note cards and organize it based on a revolutionary new cross-linked categorization system he called Universal Decimal Classification.

Amazingly, after only fifteen years of collecting and organizing snippets of information on everything from boomerangs to Borneo, Otlet and his partner Henri la Fontaine were able to open the Mundaneum, a fee-based paper search engine that handled over 1500 mailed-in queries each year.

The Mundaneum dealt with so much paper that Otlet began studying early electronic storage solutions as a way to keep up, research that at one point lead to an astonishingly far-sighted proposal for a network of "electronic telescopes" capable of displaying Mundaneum content at centers all around the world.

Unfortunately, the Belgian government cut funding to the project after their bid to build a Mundaneum-assisted League of Nations headquarters was passed over. A few years later World War II decisively ended Otlet's dream of a mechanical information network. Today, the Mundaneum survives as a museum and is in the process of making its archives web-searchable.

1769: AUTOMOBILE

French military engineer Nicolas-Joseph Cugnot was fascinated with the early science of steam-driven machinery, while his superiors in the Army were fascinated with the much earlier science of transporting heavy artillery pieces from place to place with a minimum of effort, expense and dead horses.

It would seem, then, that Cugnot's revolutionary "steam cart" was the answer to both parties' prayers. But the steam-driven tricycle was cursed with several inherent design flaws: the front wheel was used for power, steering and balancing the boiler and driveshaft while the rear wheels were left clear to carry cargo and passengers. This resulted in major balance difficulties that made it difficult for the tractor to operate anywhere other than level ground.

The machine had an ideal speed of just over two miles per hour, but the extremely inefficient boiler required re-firing every fifteen minutes, while the question of how much wood and water would have to travel along with the vehicle was never adequately resolved.

The device was eventually rejected on grounds of practicality, but Cugnot was rewarded for his innovations and his steam cart remains the first vehicle to move under its own power, steer around obstacles, carry passengers and cargo, and (if an 1801 woodcut is to believed) the first to run smack into a wall due to driver error.

1632: CONTACT LENSES

Renowned French philosopher, mathematician and inventor Rene Descartes had an idea one day for a vision aid that combined the difficult optical tooling of contemporary eyeglasses with the bizarre sensation of having a glass pipe held directly on your cornea: the contact lens.

Descartes' design combined shaped lenses with the natural optical qualities of clear water to reach an optimal vision solution - optimal, unless you wanted to blink or do something other than walk around holding a pipe to your eye.

Nevertheless, the central idea of using liquid as a visual medium is central to the design of today's "soft" contact lenses, which can be up to 70% water.

224-640: BATTERY

Although the exact date the so-called "Baghdad Battery" was created is extremely ambiguous, the fact remains that if it is in fact a battery it predates the invention of the "voltaic pile" by at a solid millennium at the least.

Discovered by German archeologists in the late thirties as part of the tireless Nazi effort to steal mystical artifacts before Indiana Jones got to them, the Baghdad Battery was believed to be a power source for electroplating, as at the time there were a handful of Persian/Sassanid sculptures with super-thin gold platings that were believed to be practically impossible with early metalworking technology.

Later research showed that such thin plating was possible without a power source, leading the alien-god-conspiracy-theory press to claim all sorts of possible uses for the Baghdad Battery, all of which ignored the fact that the battery in question was found next to a crude terra-cotta multifunction DVD remote control.

LATE 100'S: STEAM ENGINE

First described by Hero of Alexandria, history's first tech blogger, the Aeolipile (roughly, "ball of the wind-god") was the first documented example of a machine driven by pressurized steam. A sealed bowl of water was heated by an open flame, generating steam that traveled through two narrow pipes into a sphere with two "rocket nozzles" that spun the sphere faster and faster until the water finally boiled off.

Confronted with the raw power and speed of an entirely new energy source, the elite citizens of the Roman Empire thought to themselves "this would be a nifty thing to put in our temples as a sort of mystical toy" and resolutely ignored the incredible potential of a power source that didn't depend on donkeys or slaves.

As a result, the so-called Hero Engine never saw any sort of industrial application, serving only as a foundation of the "sandalpunk" science fiction genre, an alternative history narrative notable for being even more annoying than steampunk.

Chris Noth

How was this guy not immediately cast in the TV show "Hannibal" with a profile pic like that? We wouldn't recommend mimicking it for your online dating profile, either.

Alice Cooper

While this photo does make him look like a cranky senior citizen, at least he opted out of using this one instead. But even that photo would at least serve as a better representation of his "Godfather of Shock Rock" status than the grumpy old man look.

Aretha Franklin

She's an American icon, so how about posting a picture of her that doesn't look like she's eyeing up the buffet at Golden Corral.

Christopher Knight

C'mon, dude. This is your profile picture, not your best impression of Gilbert Gottfried.

Will Friedle

At least he's even slightly recognizable in this picture. This is the older brother from "Boy Meets World," by the way. While that show is probably what he is most recognized for, what he is definitely NOT most recognized for is National Lampoon's "Gold Diggers." We only mention this because that's what his profile picture is from.

Angelina Pivarnick

Clearly she's trying really hard not to pigeonhole herself in any way as the "obnoxious bitch" type with this photo. Let's hope it works out for her.

Andy Tennant

Does he have to fart? Is he currently having a stroke? In either case, that's probably not the photo to go with, especially considering every other photo on his page looks considerably better.

John Malkovich

In all honesty, we had to look at other photos of John Malkovich first to make sure he isn't actually cross-eyed. But once we realized he's not, this profile photo easily made the cut.

Jada Pinkett Smith

Jada Pinkett Smith is a very attractive woman, is she not? Then can someone explain to us how this atrocity wound up being her profile image. Seriously, dead animals on the side of the road have less lifeless expressions on their faces than this. Is it possible that this is actually from a wax museum?

Amy Winehouse

So much for honoring the late singer's memory with a decent photo of her that also doesn't make her look completely insane.

Brendan Fraser

To be fair, the schlubby loser look does encapsulate most Brendan Fraser films pretty well. But if that was the case, then why not just screencap this old gem and post it instead?

Shah Rukh Khan

Finally, a profile picture with an actual story behind it. Apparently, the color photo of this image was requested, but the black and white was used instead. We have to agree, there is a drastic difference. And now for the part you all knew was coming: KHAAAAAAAN!

Tracy Chapman

It's really easy to confuse this picture for a man at first glance ... and second ... and third. That's all we're saying.

Tony Kaye

The director of very serious dramas like "American History X" looks like the ultimate wizard hybrid - Gandalf and Harry Potter.

Thomas Lennon

Maybe it's just us, but we'd be cool with a little less male package when it comes to profile photos on IMDb. Yes, we're talking directly to you, Thomas Lennon.

Billy Bob Thornton

Billy Bob Thornton is apparently a big fan of "Arrested Development's" Tony Wonder.

Abbey-May Wakefield

Hard to believe she hasn't worked since 2007.

Andrew Santino

This dude's got range, obviously.

Adam Goldberg

We don't know what we were thinking on this one. It's a really good Facebook profile pic.

Sean Young

Now this one, however, wouldn't even pass as a decent Facebook pic. It's awful. When it comes to such a well-established actress who has gotten no shortage of work since the 1980s, we suppose it doesn't matter all that much what photo is used. Still, this one looks like a stranger snapped it with their Blackberry five years ago.

Christopher Reid

It appears that Reid has no interest in leaving his '90s house parties.

Doug Benson

Some of his past roles include "Buckaroo Waiter," "Cool Costumes Guy" and "Weird Nathan," so we at least understand his profile pic. Regardless, unless he's looking to be cast next as "Male Blow-up Doll," he might want to consider looking into changing it.

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Andrew W.K.

For a former cultural ambassador to the Kingdom of Bahrain, this party animal sure goes heavy on the blush and lipstick.

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