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All Bad Things Must Come to an End: Our 'Breaking Bad' Predictions

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breaking bad, walk in desert
How is Breaking Bad going to end? Is Walt going to kill Jesse? Is Jesse going to kill Todd? Is Holly going to kill Walt Jr.? We have no idea, but we do have lots of opinions and guesses about how one of our favorite shows is going to pull down its final curtain. We asked our editors and writers to give us their predictions for the final episodes of "Breaking Bad." What do you think?

Jesse Kills Walt - Cory Jones
I feel like this is the most obvious way this series ends. It might be too obvious, but I'm going with that prediction anyway. Now that catatonic Jesse has been busted by Hank, I'm guessing Walt will see Jesse as a liability and will try to take him out. But this series has to end with all of Walt's actions catching up with him, right? (Right?) And who better to finally take him down than Jesse? We've seen a bit of foreshadowing of this when Walt dropped the bag of money off at Jesse's house.

Jesse Kills Todd - Max Miller
Jesse is seeking forgiveness for the murder of Drew Sharp, something he feels responsible for even though he wasn't the one to actually pull the trigger. What better way to ease some of that burden than by taking out the monster who didn't even think twice about shooting an innocent child?

Walt Takes the Ricin Himself - Gary Dudak
For whatever reason, Walt has a trunk full of guns and ammo. He is going to war soon. Yet, he stops and grabs the ricin. He is not going to make a quick stop on the way to pick off someone personally. The ricin is for himself. If he doesn't get killed in this upcoming battle, taking the ricin assures he will not go to jail if he is captured, and will put an end to the suffering he is going through with his cancer.

Walt Has Todd's Family Killed in a Brutal Bloodbath - Paul Ulane
At this point it's clear that Walt will kill anyone for any reason. Once he finds out that Todd can barely get to 75 percent purity, Walt starts thinking with his ridiculously inflated ego. In order to protect the reputation of that blue stuff, he vies to take back over the cooking operation. When Todd and family balk, Walt gets rid of Todd's protection in a brutal mass murder. This all leads to ...

Todd Kills Everybody (Politely) - Paul Ulane
The mouth-breathing Todd throws the entire series arc on its side when he pulls off an elaborate plan to take down Walt, Lydia, Jesse and everyone else in his way of becoming the meth king of Albuquerque. Remember, no one figured out Verbal Kint was Keyser Soze until it was too late. Don't get caught off guard again.

Everyone is Going to Die - Rob Fee
Walt will kill Jesse to cover his tracks. Skyler will kill Marie in a rage. Hank will shoot Skyler when he finds her over Marie's body. Lydia will have Walt's kids killed by Todd because he refuses to go back into the business (and we know Todd will kill a kid). Finally, Walt and Hank will face off in Walt's abandoned house, have a shootout, and die side by side.

Skyler Will Kill Hank - Matt Branham
Everybody is expecting Walt to do the dirty work, but Skyler has made her choices and now Hank's backing her in a corner. She has shown recently that she can be a badass, and it's about to go up a notch.

Jesse Will Point a Gun at Walt as the Show Cuts to Black - Cory Dudak
The show can only end with a Jesse/Walt showdown. It's what everyone wants. However, Jesse's got a score to settle with Hank, as well. And the time for that is now, seeing as how Hank needs him to take down Walt. So, Jesse will assist Agent Schrader in first apprehending Todd and company, but will actually help Walt escape once Hank finally has him cornered (which I'm assuming is the situation in the flash forward). This will leave Hank's career in shambles, and Jesse and Walt on the run. Of course, gaining Walt's confidence was all part of Jesse's plan to finally get him alone, so he can reveal that he knows Walt was in the bedroom when Jane died. Since he was high, he never wanted to believe it was true, but due to recent events, he's finally accepted that Walt was entirely capable of letting her die right in front of his eyes. Jesse aims the gun at Walt's head, in the same style as the Gale scene at the end of season 3. Does he pull the trigger? That's what we're left to ponder as it cuts to black.

The New Drug Dealers Kill Holly - Cory Jones
Nothing ratchets up the drama like a murdered baby. We're not sure yet what sets Walt off with his new beard and giant gun in the trunk of his car. But what better reason to grow a beard and go on a shooting rampage than the murder of your toddler.

Skyler and Marie Kill Each Other, Everyone is Happy - Max Miller
There is no way to satisfy every single viewer UNLESS the writers have decided to take out the two most annoying characters on the show at the same exact time. We basically saw their relationship crumble this past week and that tension is only going to increase as the episodes move along. Skyler has shown a little bit of Heisenberg in her demeanor recently (see: her confrontation with Lydia at the car wash), so maybe an epic showdown with Marie isn't so far off.

Walt Works With Hank to Bust Todd's Organization - Gary Dudak
Walt is a master manipulator. You may think there is no way in hell that either Walt will work with Hank or Hank will allow Walt to use him, but think about it. It makes sense. Hank said in the last episode that once he discloses that Walt is Heisenberg, his career is over. But what if, after all of that, Walt helps Hank take down the current meth operation. Hank gets his career back, and perhaps Walt makes up for all the pain he has caused his brother-in-law, and goes out in a blaze of glory (after taking the ricin himself, of course).

Jesse Comes Close to Killing Himself Right Before His Ultimate Redemption - Matt Branham
I thought Walt would be the sole survivor who would live with his decisions, but now I think Jesse will come out on top. He's got a good heart and a conscience, especially lately, and everybody wants to see him win in the end after being beaten down the whole series. I don't see Vince Gilligan pissing people off with his ending, so I think Jesse will find out about a few things Walt did (Jane, Brock) and use his head, not his gun, to end him. Perhaps a switch of the ricin container with Walt?

Jesse Dies in the Next Few Episodes - Matt Trunzo
How he dies is related to, in my estimation, Hank giving him some piece of information trying to get him to flip that breaks the final straw of his seriously fragile emotional state ... A suicide? An overdose? Whatever. Jesse sucks. As for Walt, we know a few things about him from the future flashes. He's not in custody (and, seemingly, the feds aren't on his trail), he's dying of cancer, he recovers the ricin and he has a very large weapon which he intends to use. Meanwhile, there's a clear reason why Gilligan continues to harp on the Czechs and their unquenchable appetite for only top tier meth. As we saw in the last episode, Todd and the Nazis unseat Declan and take over the meth operation. This isn't the resolution for Lydia and the Czech's problems, though. As Declan alludes to before his death, Todd is not capable of running the operation. The operation and the quality of the meth quickly unravels and the Czechs are not happy customers yet again. To wrap it up, I believe the Czechs try to force Walt back into the business. In the process of pushing Walt back to meth cooking, Skylar and/or the kids is/are threatened and/or killed, resulting in the antithesis of what Walt has always wanted (for his family to be always safe and happy). Walt gets resolution by taking out the Czechs with the MG, and, realizing that his death is inevitable, kills himself shortly thereafter with the ricin.* (*Gary gave me this idea.)

If you need even more before the next episode, check out all of our Breaking Bad coverage leading up to this final season.

 

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Shameless Gratuitous Eye Candy in Film

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-23-13

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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10 Ancient Medical Practices We Still Do Today

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10 Must-Have Luxury Apps

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10 People With Record Breaking Addictions

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A Distinguished Gallery Of People Posing With The Wall Street Bull's Balls

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Ranking The States

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Why Predator is the Greatest Movie Ever Made

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predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Movies can basically be broken down into two categories: Every other film, and the 1987 masterpiece "Predator." This film literally has it all. Believe it or not, there are actually naysayers out there who doubt the cinematic value of this film. I implore you to take a few moments to hear out my argument in defense of "Predator." I truly believe that with an open mind and, more importantly, an open heart, you too will begin to cherish John McTiernan's work of art in the way you rightfully should.

Predator starts off the way all films should: with very little character background or development. Sure we could spend a large chunk of the film learning about each character's history and what makes them who they are, but why waste all that time when it could all be summed up with this shot:

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Biceps! That's what really matters. We never even learn the character's last names for crying out loud because who cares? In most films, too much effort is wasted on plot or storylines. All we need to know is that a couple of ultra buff dudes are both wearing short sleeve polo shirts that are two sizes too small and also that there is no racial tension. They have basically solved every economic and social problem in one manly handshake.

Speaking of characters, "Predator" has the strongest supporting cast ever assembled. Imagine if "Ocean's 11" was just made up of a dozen Clooneys and Pitts. That's what you get here. Let's run down the lineup while "Long Tall Sally" by Little Richard plays in the background:

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

This guy plays by his own rules. I don't mean social or military rules, I mean the rules of nature. At one point he gets shot and is told he's bleeding. How does he respond? With a request to go to the hospital? Was it asking for a bandage and a chopper to escort him out of the jungle? No. His response was "I ain't got time to bleed." Are you kidding me? This guy is above bleeding! To help illustrate how beyond amazing that is, here's a list of people who aren't above bleeding:

Shaq
John F Kennedy
Any woman who has ever ovulated
Shredder
The characters on Oz
Jack Bauer
Ulysses S. Grant
Hitler

So essentially he is tougher than all of them combined. But I digress...

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

We don't learn much about Poncho, but we do know that he isn't a fan of chewing tobacco so he probably has very healthy gums and teeth. Also, if he was chosen to join this group of elite mercenaries, then he's got a background that would make Suge Knight piss in his pants. I mean, allegedly piss in his pants.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Are you looking for a little comic relief? Oh man Hawkins has got you covered! This guy could be in the middle of a massive gun battle where people are being murdered all around him and yet he still finds time to make a joke about his girlfriend's disgusting reproductive organs. Judging by those glasses that are the size of dart boards I would think he should be happy with anyone who would settle for him, but not Hawkins. He's dropping comedy gold 24/7.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Billy, who are you? He's a man of mystery who has the ability to connect with nature in a way we wouldn't see again until John Travolta starred in "Phenomenon". Except Billy isn't moving pens, he's kicking butt. He also has a laugh that's so infectious it inspires the Predator and fills the jungle with glee.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Mac is so tough that he's constantly shaving with a razor that I can only assume is not a Gillette Fusion Proglide. He also carries around a giant machine gun that could single-handedly destroy half of the jungle. He also may or may not be in love with Blain. It's complicated.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Chubbs Peterson is supposed to be a corporate suit sent along to supervise the mission, but look at that guy. He's no corporate stooge, he's a stone cold warrior that was promoted to a desk job. Don't overlook Dillon, he can carry his own. He knows where he is, he's in the jungle baby!

Before the group even encounters the alien life form simply known as "The Predator" they embark on a mission to rescue some hostages from jungle terrorists and boy, do we get some fantastic moments.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

First of all, we learn that if you're ever stuck in the jungle, just chop a tree branch in half and have a drink! Did they not bring supplies for this trip? Doesn't matter when you have Billy around. He'll make you pancakes using tree bark and prayer. That's just what he does.

After discovering some dead bodies, the gang continues marching through the jungle when we get our first glimpse of the type of futuristic technology is going to be used in this film. That's right, it's Predator-Vision:

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

This advanced alien being doesn't waste his time looking at your clothes or your beard, he's just curious at how well your circulation is or if you get chilly in cool weather.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Finally the group reaches the terrorists headquarters - which has shockingly been untouched by the Predator - where Arnold's character Dutch witnesses one of the hostages being executed. Uh oh, now you've done it.

We get to see each member of the group using their signature weapons and showing their skills, but all of those moments pale in comparison to Dutch's masterful kill.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

After invading the central hub of the headquarters, Dutch takes out his machete and kills an enemy solider. Most men in that situation would simply be grateful to be alive. They may say something like "Wow, that was a close call, thank goodness for my extensive training and experience." That's not Dutch's style. What does he say?

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

STICK AROUND! Haha yes! Do you get it? He threw a knife at him and made him stick to the wall and then, in turn, told him to stick around which is a common slang used to ask someone to remain in one place. You can't beat that wordplay!

The camp gets cleared out and there's some unimportant political arguing, but then we get to the real meat of the film: the battle with The Predator.

The alien uses his skills to learn the voices of each of the mercenaries in order to defeat them, because, let's be honest, just some random jabroni alien isn't going to defeat this group without some sort of unfair advantage.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

It starts taking out the crew one by one. First he gets Hawkins by turning into one of those magic eye puzzles you used to do in sixth grade.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Soon after he blows a hole in Jesse "The Body" Ventura using his Silver Surfer death ray.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

I assume this is a message from the writers to kids letting them know the dangers of chewing tobacco. Not only is this movie entertaining, there are also many life lessons to be learned. Hollywood should take note and emulate these messages. Notice how Poncho, who declined to use the tobacco, lived longer than Blain. Take that, corporate tobacco corporations!

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

After a few other skirmishes Mac is killed trying to get vengeance for his best friend, and possible lover, Blain. Wow, just like Romeo and Juliet. What greater love is there than one who would lay down his life for a friend? Jesus said that.

In a tearjerker moment, we see Dutch's longtime friend Dillon lose his arm trying to redeem himself.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Was this foreshadowing to Carl Weathers' eventual character in "Happy Gilmore?" Who has time to think about something like that when we witness the cinematic power of watching a loved one pass away? Is there any emotional range this movie can't hit? Rest in peace, good buddy.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Maybe you're saying to yourself "You know, all this sounds good, but I desire a little mystery." My friend, your prayers have been answered. Everyone is running from the alien, trying to save themselves, but Billy has had enough.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

The remaining survivors run in fear as Billy faces his nemesis head on. He pulls out his machete and this happens:

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

He slices his chest! Why did you do that, Billy? The next thing we hear is Billy screaming somewhere out in the jungle. What happened to you, Billy? Why aren't there websites and forums dedicated to fan fiction of Billy's fate? Is he still alive somewhere out there? It doesn't matter because he will always be alive in our hearts. Our love will always keep him living on.

Poncho gets killed next which would be sad, if it wasn't followed by the greatest line of dialogue ever uttered on the silver screen.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

"GET TO THE CHOPPER!"

That's the stuff of legends. There are moments that are bigger than any individual person and this is one of them. For me, the greatest accomplishments by mankind rank as followed:

The Discovery of America
The Alleged Moon Landing
Arnold yelling "Get to the chopper!"
Chocolate Double Stuffed Oreos Invented
The Discovery of Penicillin

Dutch engages in a man vs wild war with the creature after discovering that mud hides him from the heat seeking vision of The Predator. Dutch pulls a Home Alone and sets up traps all over the jungle to foil the alien's plan. Now this movie is teaching us how to handle a crisis! Is there anything it can't do?

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura
predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Finally, the monster reveals his true self, which is completely terrifying. It seems that all is lost until Dutch uses one of his traps to fatally injure his nemesis.

predator, arnold schwarzenegger, carl weathers, jesse ventura

Seems like a normal ending, right? Wrong, idiot. This is the greatest comeback story ever told. This is "Rudy," "Miracle," and "Teen Wolf" all rolled into one inspirational clump. What can you do when faced with oppression and a seemingly undefeatable opponent? You reach down into the core of who you are, and you survive. When all seems lost and everyone else has abandoned you, there is something deep inside that beckons you to push on, to survive. This isn't just a triumph for Dutch, this is a triumph for the human race. No matter what your alien nemesis is, Dutch proved that you can win. Martin Luther King Jr. would be proud of the progress we have made. God bless you, Predator. You make all of us want to be a better person and also not use recreational chewing tobaccos.

 

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Funny Business Signs

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-26-13

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Why Miley Cyrus Sticks Her Tongue Out

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Miley Cyrus stuck her tongue out like a complete weirdo on Sunday's VMA Awards. And it's not the first time she's wagged that gigantic thing around in public. No one knows why she does this in just about every picture and performance of her career, but now we think we have an answer: ice cream.









 

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Cocktail Recipes: Blended Scotch Whisky Edition

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Real men drink whisky, but not all of us can afford to buy super expensive bottles of the single malt stuff. Fortunately, there is plenty of blended Scotch whisky out there that offers great value at an affordable price and, most importantly, is delicious. One such brand is The Black Grouse, the "smokier cousin" of The Famous Grouse. Described as having a "light, aromatic smokiness of the peated malt whiskies," The Black Grouse also has a silky smoothness good for sipping or using in cocktails -- like in the four recipes below. (For more, follow The Famous Grouse on Twitter)

SMOKED ROSEsmoked rose, blended scotch whisky cocktail
Created by Tony Hoff, Sassafras (Hollywood, CA)

Ingredients:
2 oz. The Black Grouse
.25 oz. rosemary syrup
.5 oz. Green Chartreuse
1 sprig smoked rosemary

Preparation:
Stir The Black Grouse, rosemary syrup and Green Chartreuse together in a mixing glass, strain into a rosemary-smoked coupe glass and garnish with smoked rosemary sprig.


black in fashion, blended scotch whisky cocktail
BLACK IN FASHION
Created by James Burton, Sassafras

Ingredients:
2.5 oz. The Black Grouse
1 smoked sugar cube
3 dashes aromatic bitters

Preparation:
Muddle the smoked sugar cube with The Black Grouse and bitters until dissolved, stir with ice in a rocks glass.



HEEBIE JEEBIEheebie jeebies, blended scotch whisky cocktailS
Created by Zachary Henry, Next Door Lounge (Hollywood, CA)

Ingredients:
1.75 oz. The Black Grouse
.25 oz. Velvet Falernum
.75 oz. lemon juice
.5 oz simple syrup
.25 oz egg white
Yellow Chartreuse rinse

Preparation:
Dry shake first five ingredients together, then shake with ice and strain into a Yellow Chartreuse rinsed coupette glass. Garnish with an Angostura Bitters "branded" star.

smokin apple, blended scotch whisky cocktailSMOKIN APPLE
Created by Zachary Henry, Next Door Lounge

Ingredients:
1.5 oz. The Black Grouse
.5 oz. Berentzen Apple
.75 oz. apple juice
.25 oz. lemon juice
.5 oz. plum syrup

Preparation:
Shake all ingredients together, strain into a martini glass. Garnish with a grilled apple slice.

 

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The 10 Best Video Games Based on TV Shows

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Here's A Bunch Of Balding Babies

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We'll admit it, sometimes we have too much time on our hands. And when we get too much time on our hands we wonder what babies would look like if they were photoshopped as balding old men. So here you are:

balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies
balding babies

 

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April Bowlby is Drop Dead Sexy

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The Most Horrific Freak Highway Accidents

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-27-13

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