It's a three day weekend. Which means you should probably stare at this photo from now until Tuesday.
But before you stare, follow us on Google+ and Facebook. And Twitter. And our sexy Instagram. OK, that's it, have a safe and sexy holiday. (Unless you're a guy, then just have a safe holiday.) (Awkward man hug.)
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently tweet about their shitty Saturday & never make friends with each other
Check this out: f*ck. No harm done, right? But now look what happens if I take out the asterisk: fuck. BAM: your daughters are prostitutes.
Make love not war. Then make love in a war zone. Then make war in your love zone. Bring wipes.
Donkey Kong wears a tie because that's how you get a real paying job at a construction site.
technically i'm not drinking alone because i'm pregnant
Thanks to porn, whenever a couple asks me to babysit, I never quite know what they're expecting.
Women are like countries: I've been inside 2 of them. One just because I was born there.
I'm opening a restaurant called "It doesn't matter, whatever you want" since every girl alive wants guys to take them there.
When googling "Gary Oldman" I suggest not forgetting the "R"
hello, I'm Chris Hansen. Peach isn't here today, Mario, she's in another castle. why don't you put down that turtle shell and take a seat?
I iron out my problems like I iron out my clothes -- I make them much worse until they require the help of a professional.
Taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
"Come to my Window" was a love song written for pie thieves.
if you're ever worried there's an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. if no one laughs, there's no one there.
my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
brb getting upset over something i made up in my head again
"I love you" Bono's wife says as she curls into bed next to him. "I love U2" he replies and mutters "hahahahaha owned" as he falls asleep
cover letter: hi my mom is making me apply for this job and i don't want it. if you call me for an interview i will burn your business down.
My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now.
Oh wait that's not my waiter.
Look, we know Thursdays are not easy. You most likely have a lot of work to do and need to get your butt in gear so you can enjoy Friday. Well, if you are in need of some inspiration, look no further than this skateboarding, saxophone-blaring teenager who is just living it up. And then look a little bit further with the rest of today's most hilarious photos. You owe it to yourself.
Oh, and follow us on Instagram, too.
If you don't wait at least 30 minutes after eating, you could wind up dead.
Related: Terribly Awesome Puns
Some people learn better through illustrations, so this note is completely justified.
Related: Awesome Office Notes
Halloween is not too far away, and this freaky costume is making me want to skip it this year.
Check out more Halloween costume fails.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
Raffaella Modugno is an Italian model turned actress who represented Italy in the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. In 2011, she went on to win the title of Miss Curvy Italia, and you can see why. However, last year she was deemed too hot to compete for Miss Italy again, as judges discovered some of her more racy and scandalous photo shoots. Fortunately, we are not those judges, and we have plenty of sexy Raffaella Modugno shots for you to look at. Click ahead for more of the model/actress who some have called the next Sophia Loren.
There's something about vampires that makes your pulse race. It could be the subtext of the forbidden, the neck biting or the act of sucking, but we think there's a much simpler reason why people dig vampire chicks: they're hot. Exhibit A is Jaime Murray from "Dexter" and "Defiance," who is starring in the upcoming film "Fright Night 2: New Blood" as Gerri Dandridge ("Fright Night 2" will be available on DVD and Blu-ray October 1).
Murray comes from a long lineage of other hot actresses who portrayed a queen of the damned. Click ahead for a gallery of the hottest vampires on TV and in the movies. And just out of spite, the "Twilight" franchise was not considered.
For more, follow Fox Home Entertainment on Twitter.
Cigars are an excellent way to kick back and relax with a few of the guys. There's a reason Jay Z hired a professional cigar roller to accompany him on his Legends of the Summer tour.
But if you're new to them, your choices can be overwhelming. Not to worry, we've got you covered with this beginner's guide to cigars. Take a look and when you're ready to pick some up for yourself, head over to Cigar.com and stock up.
It's sometimes hard to tell if the person you're dating is actually a good person, or if they're just putting on a show. Sometimes you could be dating a guy or girl with a completely secret life that you are entirely unaware of. If you've just started dating someone and you don't really know a lot about them, we've put together ten signs to watch out for to know if you are actually dating Walter White. Good luck out there!
1. During every picnic date, he kills a former meth partner.
2. He keeps insisting on taking you to ska concerts as an excuse to wear his ridiculous hat.
3. You get the strangest looks when you take his pet out for a walk.
4. Every time you go out to eat, the tip he leaves is a giant stack of money.
5. He's cut numerous dates off early because his son is out of breakfast foods.
6. Every time you cancel a date, he poisons all your friends with ricin.
7. He makes this for your breakfast every time you spend the night.
8. All of your pool parties are interrupted by Skyler emerging from the pool
9. You have to change your relationship status on Facebook constantly to keep up with his new alias.
10. The only time you have pizza on a date is from the roof of his house.
We have very few rules at Mandatory, but one of them is: "All Uranus jokes are funny." Hence today's lead funny photo. Rules are good.
Also, before you kick off the weekend, follow us on Google+. We're hilarious and awesome and everything else you could ever dream us to be.
This is how Mandatory would fare on Jeopardy.
Click here for more hilarious game show fails.
This is our pal's birthday invite for turning 27.
Best invite ever.
Hip hop squid is my new DJ name.
Click here to find your very NSFW DJ Name.
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Why waste money on a child leash when your kid can grow a rattail for free? Plus, no one wants to steal a kid with a rattail. Two birds.
How to eat Mac&Cheese:
1. Boil Water
2. Whip noodles into pot
3. Chug boiling water and raw noodles
4. Snort scheese powder
5. 1000 Pushups
Damn girl are you sitting on an F5 key cos that ass is refreshing.
summer is the worst time of the year to turn goth what the shit was i thinking
i bet if my ex girlfriends get married and have kids THEIR KIDS WILL ALSO BE USING MY FUCKING NETFLIX ACCOUNT!
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you're a "waitress" who was "doing her job?"
Local Singles 2.9 Miles From Your Area
*refresh page*
Local Singles 3.7 Miles From Y..
"no don't leave"
*refresh page*
Local Singles 7.8 Mile
Cookie Monster delivering the eulogy at Bert's funeral. Head bowed low. Stillness. "Me want cookies," he sadly intones. "Me want cookies."
GOD has favorite your tweet: "I'm the pharaoh, forget God"
FROGS has followed you
BOILS has followed you
LOCUSTS has followed you
BLOOD has followed you
wtf is an acronym
I do this sex move where I step on a Lego and crumble to the floor like a man shot at Normandy.
guys, i love havin sex, and...
parrot behind me interrupts: "SQUAWK im gonna tell my friends ive had sex SQAWK i hope they believe me"
My Starbucks guy just said, "Looks like you had a rough night!" ...I didn't even go out.
Petition to rename the Inescapable prison that is the Friendzone as "Palcatraz"
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
giv a man a gish adn he'll say "wat is this i ordered a mcflurry"
teach a man to fish adn he'll say "how ar u the manager of this mcdonalds"
Obviously, the main reason I was intially so disappointed by The Phantom Menace was that I couldn't tell which items were in the foreground.
There are no Atheists during airplane turbulence or strong orgasms.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
*Kool-Aid man full of kombucha takes his shoes off, enters through front door*
"Namaste."
ions (including my own), it's safe to assume all bets are off. Hank will stop Jesse from burning down Walt's house, and the two will devise a plan for Jesse to get Walt alone, and force a confession out of him while wearing a wire. Walt, of course, will admit to nothing, and Jesse will contemplate killing Walt anyways. Walt will talk Jesse down as usual, only this time, after discovering the wire, he'll kill him for his betrayal, admitting as Jesse dies that he was responsible for Jane's death, as well (hubris being the only way I see this secret coming out). In the end, though, Jesse will be the victor, as he also secretly placed a bug in the elusive Heisenberg's hat, which will come back to bite Walt once he thinks he's beaten everyone in the final minutes of the finale.
Walter Jr. Stops Jesse's Arson - 
ng for you. I decided that burning down your house is nothing...next time, I'm gonna get you where you really live." Let's examine that. He brings up nearly torching Walt's house and says it's nothing. I interpret that to mean it's nothing because Walt could always buy a new house. And why is that? Because Walt has millions of dollars. He once told Jesse that he is in the "empire business," and the quickest way to destroy his empire (where he really lives) is to take away his money. I predict Jesse will lead Hank to where Walt buried his cash (possibly assisted by the lottery ticket on Walt's refrigerator), and will attempt to burn it all.
trist), but she will then accidentally poison Skyler, and possibly Walt Jr. (if she puts her poison in a breakfast burrito).
