Repair an Appliance

One of the toughest things any man has to face is when a major household appliance starts crapping out. Dropping bills on a new fridge or washing machine - or swallowing your pride and calling a repairman - isn't cool. Thankfully, modern technology has made it easier than ever to get into these machines and cure what ails them. Manuals, diagrams and schematics are available for just about every appliance you buy on the Internet, and plenty of resellers offer replacement parts.  With enough time and patience you can fix just about anything yourself.

Winterize Your Home

Let's face it: when the winter comes, we're at the mercy of Mother Nature, and she's a cold one. If your house isn't ready for it, you can end up losing tons of cash in heating bills. Proper winterizing is essential for keeping that money in your pockets. Use a thermal leak detector to target trouble spots where heat escapes and seal them with caulk, weather stripping or even rolled up towels.  Wrap your pipes with foam to keep them from freezing and replace your furnace filter to ensure you're getting the most out of every BTU that puppy pumps out.

Keep Your Lawn Green

Grass - what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, from a botanical standpoint, but we love to have big expanses of it in front of our house. There's absolutely nothing more embarrassing than a patchy, brown, ugly lawn. The true master of his domain knows the essential elements of a crisply-maintained lawn. Some tips: mow only before it's going to rain, but mow frequently to keep grass thick. Sharpen your blades regularly, and don't over-fertilize.

Fix Hardwood Floors

Carpet is for chumps. When we're walking barefoot in our homes, only rich, polished hardwood will do. But there are so many dangers lurking out there for our floors, from dog claws to high heels, and tell-tale gouges and scratches make hardwood look like crap. And one bad patch can ruin the visual appeal of a whole floor. A master homeowner knows the tricks to repairing hardwood with wax, polish, and fillers. It's a time-consuming task but it sure beats ripping out the floor and starting over.

Grow Your Own Food

Ornamental plants are all well and good, but with the zombie apocalypse coming it's important to use the Earth's natural resources to feed our families. Even in the heart of the city it's capable to eke out a little space in a window box or on the roof to grow hardy, delicious produce. Knowing the proper amount of space, water, sun and fertilizer that plants need is something that a capable man can get down fairly quickly. If you've got a little more room, keeping chickens is a cost-effective way to get fresh eggs on the daily. You can't get more organic and local than something that comes from your own yard.

Repair Drywall

Chances are the majority of the wall space in your house is drywall in one form or another. Hanging drywall is one of the most brutal, unpleasant and thankless jobs in a contractor's repertoire, but fixing holes and cracks is something that you absolutely need to know how to do.  It's shamefully easy to accidentally knock a hole in drywall, especially if you get rowdy in your living room. Being aware of the process of squaring the hole, backing it, using mesh tape to even the surface and finishing it with compound will make those annoying accidents go away before anybody can notice them.

Wire an Outlet

For amateur men, the electrical system of a house is a scary, unknown world. But with a little knowledge and preparation, it's a beast that can be tamed like any other. There's nothing more annoying than a room with too few electrical outlets, so being able to customize your power grid is vital. Make sure you know your local laws when it comes to permits, though - some states require you get one before you do any kind of extension to an electrical system. From there, it's as simple as finding a stud, running the wire to the new outlet, putting in the cut-out box and capping the outlet. Just remember to flip your breaker before you do any kind of electrical work.

Transplant a Tree

There are few features that really define a yard quite like tree placement, but sometimes they don't always wind up right where you want them to. That's why knowing the delicate and manly art of transplanting is vital. After you estimate the size of the tree's root ball, you prepare the target site with a properly-sized hole, then extract the tree from its current location, place it on a tarp and move it over. Make sure that the new hole is slightly shallower than the height of the root ball, to allow it to grow. Keep in mind that a newly transplanted tree is going to require extra watering for a little while.

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Malcolm in the Middle, the classic Fox sitcom has enjoyed a resurgence on the Interwebs thanks in large part to the popularity of Breaking Bad (which stars Bryan Cranston in a very different role.) 

So, here's a bunch of random Malcolm in the Middle stills and photos. 

Beastie Boys - "Rock Hard"

Sample clearance is a tricky thing - for hip-hop, which weaves new soundscapes out of existing materials, it's like a game of Jenga. Remove one piece and the whole thing collapses. A great example is "Rock Hard," a Beastie Boys single from 1985. Built around an uncleared sample from AC/DC's  "Back In Black," the track was set to be reissued on their 1999 The Sounds Of Science anthology. Unfortunately, the legendary hard rock band outright refused to let the Beasties use the clip, no matter how much they offered to pay for it.

W.A.S.P. - "Animal (F*ck Like A Beast)"

It takes a lot for a heavy metal song to be so intense that it gets pulled from an album, but "Animal (F*ck Like A Beast)" from Los Angeles shock rockers W.A.S.P.'s self-titled debut did just that. The track landed on the Parents Music Resource Council's "Filthy Fifteen" in 1984, and under pressure from community groups Capitol Records recalled the first pressing and re-issued the album without the song. In an illustration of just how much times have changed, the record was re-issued in 1998 with "Animal" on it and nobody complained.

The JAMs - "The Queen And I"

Also known as the KLF, this British duo composed of Jim Cauty and Bill London took a very loose approach to copyright over their career. In 1987, the album 1987 (What The F*ck Is Going On) dropped with a very familiar-sounding single in "The Queen And I." With brutally obvious uncleared samples from ABBA's "Dancing Queen," the band was asking for trouble, and they got it soon afterwards. The Swedish pop group's management sued, leading to the album being recalled and destroyed. The JAMs put out a revised version with every single illegal sample removed, which was virtually unlistenable.

Megadeth - "These Boots"

Typically, recording a cover version is a pretty simple process. You get the rights from the publisher, lay it on tape, pay some cash and call it a day. But when pioneering speed metal group Megadeth tackled the Nancy Sinatra classic "These Boots Are Made For Walking" on their 1985 debut Killing Is My Business... And Business Is Good! things got a little wild. The band changed a bunch of the lyrics and made it resoundingly filthy, and songwriter Lee Hazlewood called it a "perversion of the original" and blocked the label from releasing later pressings with the song, despite happily cashing his royalty checks.

Hillsong - "Healer"

Even Christian music isn't exempt from controversy. Religious mega-band Hillsong had a hit in 2008 with "Healer," an autobiographical song by pastor Michael Guglielmucci about his struggles with cancer. Unfortunately for them, Guglielmucci actually never had cancer in the first place, and once his story got out future pressings of the This Is Our God album were issued without the tune. Guglielmucci actually performed the song live for over two years, sometimes even with a shaved head and wearing a scuba diving mask. He'd actually made up the whole story to cover up his pornography addiction!

Momus - "Walter Carlos"

Twee electronic poster Momus probably didn't think much about using the life of groundbreaking composer Wendy Carlos for a song on his 1998 Little Red Songbook. Wendy - born Walter Carlos - wasn't flattered by the track (a fantasy about her going back in time to marry herself before sexual reassignment surgery) and sued Momus, winning a $30,000 settlement and demanding that the track be removed from the album's re-release. Momus paid his legal debt by charging 30 people $1,000 each to write and record a song about them.

Slipknot - "Purity"

Artistic inspiration is a tricky thing. Iowa-born nu metal band Slipknot wrestled with some serious issues in preparing their debut self-titled album in 1999. The track "Purity" was inspired by a story that singer Corey Taylor read on a website about a girl named Adrienne Purity Knight who was kidnapped and buried alive by an obsessive ex-lover. Taylor thought that it was a true story, but unfortunately it wasn't and the original author threatened a copyright infringement lawsuit. The band pulled the track from later pressings, but actually won the court case and the rights to play the song live.

Nas - "Braveheart Party"

Sometimes a track gets removed from an album because, in hindsight, it wasn't all that great. Case in point: "Braveheart Party," a duet with Mary J. Blige from Nas's 2001 Stillmatic. Widely remembered as the LP that gave us legendary diss song "Ether," the rest of Stillmatic was uneven, and no song demonstrated that like "Braveheart Party." Over a particularly lousy Swizz Beats track, Nas's early-00s crew the Bravehearts spit awful verses and Blige gamely provides the hook. Upon hearing the final product, Blige reached out to Nas's label and requested that they remove the song from future pressings of the album, and they complied.

19. Marshall Faulk - NFL 2K1

The 2K games tried desperately to compete with the juggernaut that is Madden football by releasing NFL 2K and NFL 2K1 exclusively on the Sega Dreamcast.

The developers came up with features to set their game apart, including an insane juke move. No other player could pull of the juke quite like Marshall Faulk. It made him nearly impossible to tackle, but very possible for you to look like an idiot as you fell down yards away from Faulk in a desperate attempt to get your hands on him.

18. Vince Carter - NBA 2K1

Apparently being the greatest slam dunk competitor ever also made you one of the most dominant players to ever step foot on the court. His defense was like one of the Monstars from "Space Jam" and his offense was at a 99 rating.

So how do you stop him? Just load up the paint and force him outside, right? Oh did I mention that they also made him a Craig Hodges-like 3-point shooter? Unless you used the Lakers and put Kobe on him, Carter was going to destroy you.

17. Dell Curry - NBA Jam

Everyone wanted to dunk in NBA Jam. If they had a wide-open lane to the basket you'd better believe that a triple windmill dunk was on its way. That's a fool's game. The real winners knew that the best strategy was a solid three-point shooter and no one was more consistent than Dell Curry.

Players like John Stockton or Chris Mullin were good behind the line, but Curry was nearly automatic. If you were decent on defense - which Curry was also highly ranked in - and could get him on fire, you could quickly run up the score.

16. Nolan Ryan - Nolan Ryan Baseball

Why on earth would you let your friend pick Nolan Ryan to pitch against you in a game called Nolan Ryan Baseball? If you chose him against the computer, get ready for some bored outfielders because batters couldn't come close to hitting his fastball.

15. Larry Bird - NBA 2K3

2K brought some classic players out of retirement and onto the court in 2003, including Larry Bird. We all expected Bird to rain down three pointers like Pacman Jones with a garbage bag full of singles at the strip club by the airport.

What we didn't anticipate was that Bird would be given the dunking ability of a pre-child support paying Shawn Kemp. Larry Legend was a force that you could only hope to contain.

14. Goldberg - WCW/nWo Revenge

THQ had the task of creating a digital version of the most unstoppable wrestler ever to enter the ring. His real life matches often ended in a matter of seconds and his N64 ones weren't far behind.

This was one of the most complete, accurate games ever made at the time and completely encompassed the dominance that was Goldberg. Not Whoopi, for the record.

13. Shaquille O'Neal - NBA 2K9

As great as the Shaq/Kobe combination was, this was the year that O'Neal was completely unstoppable. He had post up moves that you couldn't defend, a hook shot that would make Olajuwon weep, and if you decided to double or triple team him, he had Steve Nash waiting on the perimeter to knock down a three pointer. The only thing you could do is punch your friend and hope he drops his controller long enough for you to score.

12 QB Eagles - Tecmo Bowl

Obviously Randall Cunningham, QB Eagles was the ultimate weapon. The rest of his offense was garbage, but all you had to do was pretend you were going to scramble then when the defenders ran towards you, toss the ball out to one of your trash receivers. His accuracy was off the charts so you didn't have to worry about his passes going into the 4th row of the crowd.

11. Reggie Jackson - RBI Baseball

Ricky Henderson may have had the speed in RBI Baseball, but Jackson didn't need it. Your only hope was to walk him because even if he hit the ball with a check swing it was going out of the stadium. You can't throw the heat at him because, again, all he has to do is touch the ball and it's going into the next county.

10. Mike Alstott - Madden 2000

I know Mike Alstott was a solid fullback, but whose genius idea was it to give him a 100 rating? Since almost every fullback play is a run up the middle, Alstott was guaranteed to pick up a handful of yards every time.

If you wanted to be a complete jerk, you could just keep using him on short little runs up the middle every time and win the most boring game in the history of football.

9. Mario Lemieux - NHL '94

Unless you used the Blackhawks, who had the highest rated defense, Lemieux was going to score more than Zack Morris at the Malibu Sands Beach Resort.

He had a 100 rating but to make it even worse, Jaromir Jagr, with the speed of Lightning McQueen, was on the other side of the ice. All you had to do was fly down the ice with Lemieux and score a goal or kick it to Jagr and get the assist.

8. Tiger Woods - Tiger Woods PGA Tour

I can't stress this enough, if a game has a player's name in the title, do not play against them. You'll lose almost every time.

Sure Woods is spectacular in reality, but at least real life Tiger could have an off-day because of legal problems, loss of sponsors, or missing a club because his ex-wife threw it through his windshield. Digital Tiger has no distractions and was nearly perfect for every round.

7. Lawrence Taylor - Tecmo Bowl

Imagine Barry Sanders on defense except doubled in size and strength. That's Lawrence Taylor. There probably isn't a more dominant defensive player on any football game ever made, as he would plow over the unsuspecting linemen and be on top of the quarterback faster than Tiger Woods on an Applebee's waitress.

6. Ken Griffey Jr. - Ken Griffey Jr. Major League Baseball

Again, it's called Ken Griffey Jr. Major League Baseball so what exactly did you expect? Every other player in the game is a joke compared to him, as he can run faster, throw harder, and hit further than anyone imaginable. Your best bet against him was to walk him, or try to hit him with a pitch to teach him a lesson. Just like my dad did with me.

5. Michael Jordan - NBA 2K11

It took years to get an actual basketball game that featured Michael Jordan, unless you count that awful Space Jam game. When NBA 2K debuted 1996 MJ, it was everything you'd imagined.

This is probably the only athlete that you could max out every stat category and it wouldn't be over the top. Also, Lebron is on 2K11 so you can dominate him with Jordan in the most therapeutic gaming ever. Have fun in South Beach, Lebron!

4. Mike Tyson - Mike Tyson's Punch Out

There has probably never been a boxer as dominant as Iron Mike, but good lord, this was ridiculous. Once you fought through a field of fictitious monsters who all had a weakness, you get to Tyson who could end your life with a single uppercut. Imagine a toddler throwing a tantrum, but instead of tiny hands and feet flopping around, it was fists the size of your body.

3. Barry Sanders - All-Pro Football 2K8

In 2008, 2K didn't have an NFL license, but found out an ingenious way to make a football game. They used retired players on fictitious teams that could be built using the ultimate fantasy football draft.

No player was more explosive, and rightfully so, than Barry Sanders. His compact size and ridiculous quickness made him stand above the competition, even against a squad of legendary defenders. He was undoubtedly everyone's first pick.

2. Michael Vick - Madden '04

If your friend picked the Falcons, you might as well have sat the controller down and left to go make some Pizza Rolls. EA gave Vick the speed of a top tier running back and the passing accuracy of a Pro Bowl quarterback.

All you had to do was run a shotgun play and if your opponent sent an all out blitz, you toss it to a wide open receiver, or if they dropped back in coverage, you scramble for 15-20 yards every time. It was like HGH for your Playstation.

Welcome to Monday. Here is everything you need to make it through to Tuesday. (Or at least the next five minutes.)

Also, check out our Google+ page and then follow it. It's not hard. Just do us this one favor. It'll be the last one we ask for. Until the next one.

Cargo everything

If you don't have important things to put in your pockets - all your pockets - do not wear these. The legs are usually unfashionably wide anyway. This goes for shorts and pants.

Oversized belts

See Jamie's belt? Do not wear Jamie's belt.

Dad jeans

If you are a dad that's really still not an excuse. You can do better.

Board short swim trunks

No one should wear trunks this long anymore guys. And you should absolutely not have pockets that weigh your shorts down and turn them into super low riders.

Get a decent pair of swim trunks that fit around the waist and hit just above the knee.

Trucker hats and beaded necklaces

Since these have been put together so artfully in this picture, we'll address them both at once. Trucker hats were popular for a dark, thankfully brief period in American culture. We can all forget that now and move on if we all do it together.

As for beaded necklaces, they're not for grown-ups... period.

Fedoras

It is highly, highly unlikely that you can pull off a fedora. If you really think you can wear one, ask multiple people (some who love you, some who don't) if you're right.

You're going to need multiple okays.

Cutoff shirts

No you cannot wear your cutoff shirt to the gym. It still looks ridiculous.

Beanie hats

Beanie hats are for adorable children and inclement weather. They are not a hat that an adult male should wear indoors.

Hemp jewelry

If you absolutely must keep your hemp jewelry consider it a costume piece only to be worn when you take your little brother to his first Dark Star Orchestra concert.

Graphic tees

First off, whatever it says, it's probably not that funny.

And, unless you belong to a specific subset of hipsters (fine if that's what you're going for), you look like a child.