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TV Commercials That Make Us Nostalgic

November 14, 2013, 12:17 am
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  • However fuzzy our memory  - or maybe it's just how pixelated these old commercials are - we remember with a certain fondness several nostalgic commercials from our childhood. And even though commercials today aren't quite the same, these simple pleasures will be burned in our brains even when we lose our minds.

     

    Tootsie Pops

     

    One of the first to come to mind poses the question that plagued our adolescence. Oh, who are we kidding? We still wake up every morning wondering how many damn licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. The world truly may never know.

     

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  • Bubble Tape

     

    The wacky illustrations should look familiar almost immediately, if not the transvestite bus driver. If ever there was a rebellious bubble gum, it was Bubble Tape.

     

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  • Toys "R" Us

     

    This theme song for refusing to grow up would stick with the people who would later find it difficult to put down their toys and get a real job, but dammit this jingle makes me want to join in.

     

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  • Corn Pops

     

    The "Jaws" theme song mixed with this stoner chick's need for Corn Pops rings a familiar bell to most childhoods. Why was mother always misplacing the cereal, anyway? Who's the stoner here?

     

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  • Butterfinger feat. The Simpsons

     

    This is classic Bart and Homer, but we can't say we didn't have the same exact situation going on at home, too.

     

    Related: The 100 Greatest Quotes From 'The Simpsons'

  • Juicy Fruit

     

    Is it me or are there a lot of sexual innuendos here? Also, we can't very well condone skiing with gum in your mouth as it is a choking hazard. Juicy Fruit is more for couch dwellers, so let's shoot that ad next time, guys.

     

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  • Burger King Kid's Club

     

    It was always exciting to see Kid Vid unveil the latest toys to come with kid's meals at Burger King. Nowadays, we just stay away because of the sodium and fat content, not to mention the calorie count. Being an adult sucks.

     

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  • My Buddy

     

    The toy for boys who couldn't make friends, My Buddy was just one step above Invisible Fred in the room. Years later, the jingle is still catchy, but that doll you used to call a friend just looks beyond creepy.

     

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  • Fruit Stripe Gum

     

    It's difficult to understand why this gum was/still is so popular. And I think Peter Griffin sums up why:

     

  • Skip It

     

    Another toy for the kid without friends, maybe "nostalgic" isn't as good a term as "irremovable noise stuck in my head." Great toy if you wanted to trip and face-plant on the concrete.

     

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  • Crocodile Mile

     

    A one-up in both product and theme song to the Slip 'N Slide, Crocodile Mile was what drove the girls crazy back in the day.

     

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  • Big Red

     

    Man, they just don't make gum commercials like they used to. Even though Big Red is disgusting, I still chew it every now and then to evoke old memories of trying (and failing) to kiss a little longer.

     

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  • Operation

     

    I always felt bad for this guy who needed a major surgery and was being operated on by children who clearly have no medical training. Can you say "malpractice lawsuit?"

     

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  • Doublemint

     

    This is the ad campaign that taught most young men about how hot the idea of twins was. From this moment on, we weren't interested unless there were two of them.

     

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  • Domino's' The Noid

     

    Back in these days, the idea of eating Domino's was lower on the list of childhood desires than let's say, going to Chuck E. Cheese's, but whenever you did it was a great feeling to stick it to the Noid.

     

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  • Gak

     

    Another rebellious activity according to someone who clearly never did a rebellious thing in their life, Gak was that foul-smelling blob that made fart noises in the car. At least, we think that's what that was.

     

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  • Cocoa Puffs

     

    Did this guy ever eat anything other than Cocoa Puffs? That's a pretty unhealthy diet to have. He's lucky he isn't lactose intolerant, because those things probably aren't as good with soy milk.

     

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  • Sunny D

     

    Here's the one you've been waiting to see. You knew it was coming. I still prefer the purple stuff.

     

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  • Lite-Brite

     

    The beautiful song mixed with brightly colored designs only served to piss us off when we couldn't figure out how to make anything other than a fucking smiley face. And if your grandma ever came over and designed a clown to glow brightly in our bedrooms at night, she was one evil bitch.

     

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  • Fruit Loops

     

    Every young boy's greatest fear coming to life right here. Can't say it's ever really happened, but it's bound to be what takes over this country, big blue British-sounding birds.

     

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  • Folgers

     

    Every kid knew that this jingle was complete bullshit. There was no best part of waking up. However, we'd all sing along if we heard the commercial later in the day.

     

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  • Micro Machines

     

    If you didn't try to talk like the Micro Machines guy at least once a day growing up, then you are probably unemployed today (I have no proof to back this up).

     

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  • The Energizer Bunny

     

    And finally, the badass pink bunny who went where he wanted, whenever the F he wanted (and is still going and going and going).

     

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    Next: The Greatest Athlete Ad Campaigns

 

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A Funny 'Challenge Accepted' Gallery

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Graphing Every Plot Point of 'Dumb and Dumber'

November 14, 2013, 1:00 am
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In response to the announcement that there will finally be a second "Dumb and Dumber" film (That's right. You don't count, stupid "Dumb and Dumberer"!), we thought it'd be fun to plot every important scene from the original and how it affected our idiotic protagonists Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas. Take a ride down memory lane, from Providence to Aspen, from We Got Worms to funbags on hosehounds.

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Dumb and Dumber, Dumb and Dumber To, Dumb and Dumber 2, Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels

 

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Baker's Bourbon: A New Take On An Old Classic

November 15, 2013, 12:19 am
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When you think of bourbon, you think of Jim Beam. Now Jim's grandnephew, Baker, has inspired a new blend that will have you sipping on that brown stuff all winter long. Baker's Bourbon bursts onto the scene with a new flavor that encompasses six generations of distilling traditions, the result of which is a smooth texture that remains consistent from batch to batch.

Baker's is carefully crafted in small batches using a special strain of rare jug yeast that has been part of the Beam family method for over 60 years. A seven year aging process combined with new oak barrels results in a silky smooth bourbon with warm vanilla and caramel overtones. The finish is sweet, but smooth -- something that would fit right in with the cognac family of spirits.

Baker's is at its best in a snifter over ice or with a splash of water. But when something tastes this good, you can really enjoy it any way you like.

Find out more about Baker's Bourbon here.

 

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November 15, 2013, 3:45 am
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If you're like me, simply watching sports isn't enough. Sure, I enjoy a good rivalry game or an exciting comeback as much as the next guy, but unless I have a little action on it, it's not the same. So I enjoy placing a few bets every weekend to make things more interesting. You may say I have a problem; I say I have a solution. These bets are 100 PERCENT GUARANTEED TO MAKE US ALL RICH, and I am willing to share them with you to prove it. Last week was another winner, as I went 2-1, hitting both NFL picks. That brings me to 6-4 since I started, and this week I have four more locks for you. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. Feel free to join me.
Virginia v North Carolina
CAN'T LOSE BET #1 (College Football)

North Carolina (+1) at Pittsburgh - North Carolina +1

There is one word you'll be hearing over and over again after this game, and it will be referring to Pitt: LETDOWN. Coming off what seems like their biggest win in ten years (at home in prime-time over Notre Dame), the Panthers will go back to doing what they do best this week and lose in disappointing fashion. Well, it won't be disappointing for you, because you are going to bet on the Tar Heels. North Carolina is hotter than that GIF of Kate Upton getting out of the pool the last three weeks anyway, especially in their passing game, so don't even sweat it. NC wins this one easy.


CAN'T LOSE BET #2 (NFL)
Green Bay Packers v Philadelphia Eagles
Washington at Philadelphia - UNDER 53.5

It's amazing how what a team has done lately can affect the over/under, but common trends in the history of the NFL are ignored -- like games between division foes fighting for a playoff spot being lower scoring. Everyone is all horny for Nick Foles after two strong outings, but I expect him to have a rough time this week against a rested Redskins team fighting to stay alive in the division. Expect the offensive pace of this game to be slower than usual, and go balls deep on the under.


CAN'T LOSE BET #3 (NFL)
Cincinnati Bengals v Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland at Cincinnati (-6) - Cincinnati -6

I have heard a bunch of NFL "experts" on TV talk about how the Bengals are a difficult team to figure out. Really? Let's look at their record on the road versus at home. On the road: 2-4. At home: 4-0. So, umm, like almost all other decent teams before them, they play well at home but struggle to win on the road. Mystery solved. Cincy has had tough back-to-back road losses in overtime. They are still in the driver's seat in their division and a little home cookin' against the Jason Campbell-led Browns will be just what they need. Bengals win big.



CAN'T LOSE BET #4 (NFL)

San Francisco at New Orleans (-3) - New Orleans -3

The Saints are a powerhouse at home. It's that simple. You would never bet against them at home, so why the hell would you not bet on them? Plus, the 49ers offense has been inconsistent all season, and I fully expect that long-haired, beer-bellied New Orleans defensive coordinator Rob Ryan to shut down Frank Gore and put the pressure on Colin Kaepernick, which he has shown he can't handle just yet. Furthermore, San Fran's D is good, but Drew Brees and Sean Payton are better. Saints win by a touchdown.

NEW ORLEANS, LA - NOVEMBER 10: Quarterback Drew Brees #9 of the New Orleans Saints celebrates a second quarter touchdown against the Dallas Cowboys during a game at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on November 10, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

 

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Constructing a Healthy and Comfortable Office Space

November 17, 2013, 11:18 pm
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It's 11 a.m. and time for your second cup of joe, but oh wait, your back is too sore from sitting, staring at your computer for the last three hours to be worth the bother of getting up. The average office jockey spends aroundbusinessman with lower back pain, sitting at desk 40 hours clamouring in discomfort trying to get through their slush pile each week but remaining unproductive because of their current unhealthy desk life.

Most youngsters feel invincible, but with lack of blood flow and consistently inactive muscles, we're only feeling older faster. With a little tweaking, though, we can construct a healthy desk life so working will be more comfortable and the workload more bearable. And if this doesn't help, they're making great advancements in wheelchairs these days.

Rebuilding the Work Chair

The creaking old chair, which looks cool but hurts like a mother, is not doing your back any favors when it comes to lengthy stretches of work. Slumping to find comfort to the point where sitting correctly hurts and your posture looks like something out of a Disney cartoon only furthers the agony of work life, but that can all change starting with where you sit. Using an exercise ball removes the convenience of having a back of your chair to lean against, forcing you to sit up straight and balance. The ball, besides playful and inexpensive, betters your posture and strengthens you core. So if you were looking to change the direction your back is heading in, sitting upright, leaning with balance and getting the abs of a sexy, greased-up beefcake is a smart way to go. Just go easy on it, beginners; only a couple hours at a time.

Sitting altogether is a problem, too, so take standing breaks. Adjustable stand-up desks are the new craze in the work environment, removing the possibility of poor sitting posture completely and keeping the blood flowing in your legs. Plus it combats the office porn intake, which can be telling if you're always standing.

Your Arm Rest Ain't the Best

Not everyone has back problems, but most people get shoulder cramps and sometimes sore wrists, and it usually has to do with the ergonomics of your desk structure. Being ergonomically incorrect means you could be leaning your wrist up again the corner of your desk, damaging muscles and cutting off blood flow and can lead to carpel tunnel or tingling in your arm. Your elbow should never be dropped far below your wrist, but instead the forearm should be flat, your wrist not resting on anything other than a cushioned mouse pad and your hand hovering comfortably over your mouse instead of into it. Anything else, and you're asking for a world of hurt.

Sitting for too long or stressing out when you needn't are known to lead to knots in your back muscles, toxic little balls of bad energy that need to be worked out. You can do this by stretching, sitting up straight, taking breaks and staying hydrated. Regular massage visits do wonders to messed, stressed backs that take in hard work and don't let anything out.

Breaks

The best thing you can do for your desk life is to get away from it whenever you find a stopping point, removing yourself from that situation completely, so long as you don't come off as a flighty slacker. People who take cigarette breaks have the right idea in terms of intervals; every couple hours go outside just like they would, only keep off the ciggies. Use that time to get some hot tea to wake up and stay hydrated, walk around the building and stretch the legs quietly - without becoming that annoying person who skulks around office to office - and clear the mind out. It'll help with your thinking, especially if you're blocked, and give you some much-needed energy.

With the freelance lifestyle, you allow yourself to work in spurts instead of long, painful stretches. Be disciplined enough to get some work done, then break and cook a meal or go outside. If you want to go out and talk to pretty girls without getting slapped with a sexual harassment charge, you can do that when you don't have a boss. Just break up the work so it's more feasible, enjoyable and workable. Your productivity will show once you've made that adjustment.

Deskercise

That word isn't good enough to coin, but if you can't get away from your desk to exercise, bring the exercise to your desk. Stretch the back, legs, arms and hands by doing simple, short exercises; just don't go overboard and look like a lunatic. Flex your fists or extend your arms out, rotating your wrists and bending them back towards you or downward. Lying your back on an exercise ball, rolling slowly will stretc8 min abs, office workouth out your back, feel incredible, and work you core. Doing simple stretches like arm and shoulder stretches or flexing the arches in your feet keep you loose, even at your desk.

If your work doesn't have a fitness program in place but always asks for suggestions on improving the workplace, offer up the idea to have group fitness, whether it's stretching, running or walking. Hey, if you're not too embarrassingly rusty and out of shape, you can play a couple light games of pick-up basketball or group yoga. Team softball once a month keeps people excited and builds that awkward, fake comradery every office needs.

Scenery

If you hate exercise, hate everything I've said but want some other advice that doesn't involve movement, then take this you ungrateful sack of crap. Light in the desk life is important because it brightens your mood and gives you energy. If you work in what appears to be a dungeon, make an effort to get near some daylight when you have breaks. And greenery at your desk; even the strange little décor helps decrease frustration, the type that leads to shoulder cramps, but it also increases memory and attention spans. Thanks prickly cactus that I've cut myself on once a week; you actually do serve a purpose.

If all else fails and you are convinced I'm a terrible ergonomical feng shui guidance coach, you can always do something bold - I've said it before and will say it again - and get yourself a puppy, especially if they're allowed in the workplace. Dogs have an uncanny ability to bring out the best in people, lift the spirits of a low morale workspace and give everyone a laugh when the little runt shits in your co-worker's desk space. And if you hate dogs too, get a cat and die alone, because that thing won't offer you any solace, other than to worry you over getting impregnated or run over in the night.

 

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Barack Obama's Best Fake Online Comments

November 18, 2013, 12:28 am
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You would think President Barack Obama is a very busy man with no time to waste making pithy remarks on Twitter and Tumblr and YouTube. Apparently he isn't, because there are plenty examples of the Commander in Chief firing off obnoxious comments online. Yep, these seem totally legit to me. Nothing fake here.

barack obama fake online comments


(Seriously, Rihanna. Pipe down.)

 

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