Fernanda Romero is the Sexiest Actress You've Never Heard Of
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Italia Ricci Will Get the Blood Pumping
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Kimberley Garner Garners Attention in a Bikini
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Teacher Allegedly Gave Student a Lap Dance for His Birthday
I believe the question, "Where in the hell was this teacher when I was studying algebra?" definitely applies here.
A middle school teacher in Houston has been charged with having an improper relationship with a student after she reportedly performed a lap dance for a 15-year-old boy on his birthday on February 26.
![teacher gives student lap dance]()
According to FOX 26, 42-year-old Felicia Smith said she performed the lapper only after being persuaded to do so by the rest of the class.
According to us, she looks a lot older than 42.
The student told investigators that Smith "moved back and forth on his crotch and touched him all over his body" while he sat in a chair next to her desk. At the end of the serenade, Smith reportedly "sank to her knees and put her head between his legs."
What we're calling "the dance of a lifetime" allegedly lasted nearly four minutes and was performed in front of the rest of the class. Smith also reportedly said "I love you, baby. Happy birthday," while the music played.
Hey, the lap dance shouldn't be considered a total loss in the "learning experience" department. I mean, at the very least Smith's students should now understand how she was able to pay for college.
Seriously, "dancers" make mad cash: Stripper Posts A Photo Of The Whopping $3,345 She Made In A Single Day
A middle school teacher in Houston has been charged with having an improper relationship with a student after she reportedly performed a lap dance for a 15-year-old boy on his birthday on February 26.
According to FOX 26, 42-year-old Felicia Smith said she performed the lapper only after being persuaded to do so by the rest of the class.
According to us, she looks a lot older than 42.
The student told investigators that Smith "moved back and forth on his crotch and touched him all over his body" while he sat in a chair next to her desk. At the end of the serenade, Smith reportedly "sank to her knees and put her head between his legs."
What we're calling "the dance of a lifetime" allegedly lasted nearly four minutes and was performed in front of the rest of the class. Smith also reportedly said "I love you, baby. Happy birthday," while the music played.
Hey, the lap dance shouldn't be considered a total loss in the "learning experience" department. I mean, at the very least Smith's students should now understand how she was able to pay for college.
Seriously, "dancers" make mad cash: Stripper Posts A Photo Of The Whopping $3,345 She Made In A Single Day
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Neighbors Smoke Crack With Each Other, Get In Machete Fight With Each Other
If you've ever wondered what crack-smoking hillbillies in Florida do when the crack runs out, I guess the answer is fight with dangerous weapons.
According to NBC Miami, a crack-smoking sesh between two neighbors in Key Largo last Wednesday ended with one neighbor swinging a machete at the other.
![crack smoking neighbors with a machete]()
Christopher Stevens (right) and his wife told authorities they were just "drinking beer and smoking crack" with Antonio Motes-Diaz (left) when he lost his shit and began swinging a machete at them. Motes-Diaz, however, told police that the couple became enraged when he ran out of crack, spitting on him and attacking him, and that's when he grabbed a baseball bat and machete to protect himself.
In the end, police arrested both men. The 53-year-old Motes-Diaz was charged with aggravated assault, while the 26-year-old Stevens was booked for possessing drugs without a prescription after cops found a generic form of Xanax at his joint.
It's surprising that nobody was injured during the crack-induced machete-swinging incident. Even more surprising? You guessed it: nobody was arrested or charged with possessing and admitting to smoking crack.
And really, that should illustrate just how bad things have gotten in Florida.
Hey, crack pipes are just twenty-five cents: The City of Vancouver Has Crack Pipe Vending Machines
According to NBC Miami, a crack-smoking sesh between two neighbors in Key Largo last Wednesday ended with one neighbor swinging a machete at the other.
Christopher Stevens (right) and his wife told authorities they were just "drinking beer and smoking crack" with Antonio Motes-Diaz (left) when he lost his shit and began swinging a machete at them. Motes-Diaz, however, told police that the couple became enraged when he ran out of crack, spitting on him and attacking him, and that's when he grabbed a baseball bat and machete to protect himself.
In the end, police arrested both men. The 53-year-old Motes-Diaz was charged with aggravated assault, while the 26-year-old Stevens was booked for possessing drugs without a prescription after cops found a generic form of Xanax at his joint.
It's surprising that nobody was injured during the crack-induced machete-swinging incident. Even more surprising? You guessed it: nobody was arrested or charged with possessing and admitting to smoking crack.
And really, that should illustrate just how bad things have gotten in Florida.
Hey, crack pipes are just twenty-five cents: The City of Vancouver Has Crack Pipe Vending Machines
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13 Foods That Hydrate and Burn Calories
Warning: This piece on foods that both hydrate the body and kill calories includes information about healthy eating and should be read without a bag of greasy potato chips in your lap. Your keyboard will thank you, and so will your body.
![pomegranate, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
Pomegranate
Those little seeds might seem evil because, seriously, what tastes that good and is good for your body? They're actually one of the most prolific and natural antioxidants (polyphenols) on the planet, and not only that, they increase blood flow, protect the skin from harmful sun rays and aid in the process of breaking down materials (i.e. burn calories) in the body. If that's not enough, they're one of the greatest aphrodisiacs of the antioxidant community, so think about that the next time you and your limp dick are hung the hell over.
Coconut![coconut, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
Crack open a coconut and tell us it's not the most replenishing thing you've done to your body since the time you went a week without touching yourself. Coconuts, packed with the best type of hangover-curing hydration, are also packed with delicious meat and triglycerides that help raise levels of metabolism. Not only that, you can use coconut products - coconut oil, flour, milk - in your cooking to help replace some of the fatty food products. It's exotic, healthy and chicks dig a guy who can split them down the middle. We're talking about coconuts here still, gentlemen.
Cucumber![cucumber, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
This perfect garden veggie adds greatness to all sorts of things: salads, smoothies, even water. Cucumber has nearly about a 96 percent water content, making it one of the most hydrating foods you can put in your body, and by eating all the other things that go great with cucumber - sushi, especially - you're eating a little more green and a little grime, good for the skin and good for that stale breath of yours.
Avocado![avocados, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
You wouldn't guess something as creamy and exotic as an avocado could hydrate your body, but you'd lose if you bet against them. Avocados are one of the most nourishing foods for the body, helping to not only hydrate but to give the body fiber and healthy fats, both of which help to keep bad fats down or push them out your anus. If that's not soothing enough, you can slap it on your face and exfoliate like the skin-caring man you were made.
Celery![celery, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
More than just the fancy people's garnish, celery is the quiet green that adds a fresh smell and taste to anything, from soups and stews to potato salads and - you guessed it - Bloody Marys. High in fiber and low in calories - almost negative in fact - celery is loaded with vitamins and neutralizes stomach acid due in part to its high water content, something a fat cheeseburger can't so easily do.
Blueberries![blueberries, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
Want something other than green in your mouth to make you feel good and hydrated? Try some blueberries, or as I like to call them, the lord's anti-aging berries, heavenly goodness with burst of fruit filling that's actually good for you. Apparently blueberries have a ridiculous number of health benefits, so you'd be a damn fool to not enjoy at least a few of those medicinal qualities, whether it's the antioxidant properties or prevention of heart disease or memory loss. They're like the natural Gusher, only healthy, hydrating and perfect for pies, shakes and straight from the carton to your gullet. Blueberries are one of the most hydrating fruits you can easily access, cheap and good for an upcoming hangover.
Grapefruit![grapefruit, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
Most people think of grapefruit as the old man breakfast or the master cleanse, but what people don't think about as much is the citric fruit's ability to lower cholesterol and neutralize blood sugar levels, which reduces appetite and helps to burn fat. On top of all this and its unique tang, grapefruit has an extremely high water content, so while you're slimming down and cleaning out the toxins, you're also rehydrating that sluggish figure. (Side note: If you take any prescription meds, check to make sure grapefruit is okay to eat with them).
Green Pepper![green pepper, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
Not to be racist towards peppers, but ahead of its colored friends, the green pepper is the slightly better source of hydration of the pepper community. Though not as sweet and surprising better for you, green peppers are loaded with anti-oxidants and are a great snack between meals, and they go great with most meals. This is not to say colored ones aren't good for you too, but in the world of produce bigotry, green is usually more reputable when judged on the color of its skin.
Waterm![watermelon, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
elon
Probably one of the most obvious foods for hydrating is watermelon, the fruit that drips water - sometimes vodka - like a leaky faucet down your arms while you eat it. Packed with water and lycopene, a cancer-fighting antioxidant, watermelon is the kind of thing you'd enjoy even if it weren't great for you. But it is. Some people even put slices at the bottom of their water, which gives them even more incentive to hydrate, plus it's light and soothing on the stomach and helps fill you up without packing on hardly any calories at all.
Broccoli (and Cauliflower)![broccoli, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
They may not look too hydration friendly with their cold, hard bushy exterior, but broccoli and cauliflower - they go hand-in-hand in my book - are packed with water, vitamins and phytonutrients, most of which help battle high cholesterol and rehydrate. You can toss them on a skillet with some garlic seasoning, but boiling them in a pot of water softens them up, just as long as you don't boil the goodness out of them.
Spinach![spinach, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
The kids - actually many adults - think they hate it because someone told them it's gross, but spinach is actually one of the most refreshing, healthier greens you can get your hydration-loving hands on. There are only seven calories in a cup, but an endless number of benefits in that same amount, like potassium, fiber and folate for brain energy. People who think it tastes bad or just haven't let their taste buds grow up can enjoy spinach in their smoothies. It's undetectable in taste, plus it makes them pretty, green and loads healthier, despite whatever negative stigma it may have.
Strawberries![strawberries, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
It's not enough they're incredibly sweet and delicious; they've got to be good for you too? Strawberries, though not quite as hydrating as watermelon, packed about 90 percent water content into those red little beauties, and added sugar is necessary. You can eat them right off the tree to stimulate your metabolism and suppress your appetite, but they're so good you might eat the entire tree. Good in oatmeal, smoothies and on pretty much any snack you enjoy, strawberries hydrate but also are filling, keeping you away from junk foods while giving you the carbs you can easily burn off.
Green Apples![green apples, foods that hydrate and burn calories]()
An apple a day keeps the health bills from piling up like some sort of circus trick. That's not how the saying goes, is it? But apples are not only known as the common seasonal fruit, they're also good for lower cholesterol, weight and have the ability to fight off some of the big health risks associated with overeating and high calorie counts. Don't be us? Just refer to your stack of doctor bills at the end of the year. And green ones have less sugar than red, if that helps you be less prejudice in the produce section. Eat more apples. That should be the saying.
Pomegranate
Those little seeds might seem evil because, seriously, what tastes that good and is good for your body? They're actually one of the most prolific and natural antioxidants (polyphenols) on the planet, and not only that, they increase blood flow, protect the skin from harmful sun rays and aid in the process of breaking down materials (i.e. burn calories) in the body. If that's not enough, they're one of the greatest aphrodisiacs of the antioxidant community, so think about that the next time you and your limp dick are hung the hell over.
Coconut
Crack open a coconut and tell us it's not the most replenishing thing you've done to your body since the time you went a week without touching yourself. Coconuts, packed with the best type of hangover-curing hydration, are also packed with delicious meat and triglycerides that help raise levels of metabolism. Not only that, you can use coconut products - coconut oil, flour, milk - in your cooking to help replace some of the fatty food products. It's exotic, healthy and chicks dig a guy who can split them down the middle. We're talking about coconuts here still, gentlemen.
Cucumber
This perfect garden veggie adds greatness to all sorts of things: salads, smoothies, even water. Cucumber has nearly about a 96 percent water content, making it one of the most hydrating foods you can put in your body, and by eating all the other things that go great with cucumber - sushi, especially - you're eating a little more green and a little grime, good for the skin and good for that stale breath of yours.
Avocado
You wouldn't guess something as creamy and exotic as an avocado could hydrate your body, but you'd lose if you bet against them. Avocados are one of the most nourishing foods for the body, helping to not only hydrate but to give the body fiber and healthy fats, both of which help to keep bad fats down or push them out your anus. If that's not soothing enough, you can slap it on your face and exfoliate like the skin-caring man you were made.
Celery
More than just the fancy people's garnish, celery is the quiet green that adds a fresh smell and taste to anything, from soups and stews to potato salads and - you guessed it - Bloody Marys. High in fiber and low in calories - almost negative in fact - celery is loaded with vitamins and neutralizes stomach acid due in part to its high water content, something a fat cheeseburger can't so easily do.
Blueberries
Want something other than green in your mouth to make you feel good and hydrated? Try some blueberries, or as I like to call them, the lord's anti-aging berries, heavenly goodness with burst of fruit filling that's actually good for you. Apparently blueberries have a ridiculous number of health benefits, so you'd be a damn fool to not enjoy at least a few of those medicinal qualities, whether it's the antioxidant properties or prevention of heart disease or memory loss. They're like the natural Gusher, only healthy, hydrating and perfect for pies, shakes and straight from the carton to your gullet. Blueberries are one of the most hydrating fruits you can easily access, cheap and good for an upcoming hangover.
Grapefruit
Most people think of grapefruit as the old man breakfast or the master cleanse, but what people don't think about as much is the citric fruit's ability to lower cholesterol and neutralize blood sugar levels, which reduces appetite and helps to burn fat. On top of all this and its unique tang, grapefruit has an extremely high water content, so while you're slimming down and cleaning out the toxins, you're also rehydrating that sluggish figure. (Side note: If you take any prescription meds, check to make sure grapefruit is okay to eat with them).
Green Pepper
Not to be racist towards peppers, but ahead of its colored friends, the green pepper is the slightly better source of hydration of the pepper community. Though not as sweet and surprising better for you, green peppers are loaded with anti-oxidants and are a great snack between meals, and they go great with most meals. This is not to say colored ones aren't good for you too, but in the world of produce bigotry, green is usually more reputable when judged on the color of its skin.
Waterm
elonProbably one of the most obvious foods for hydrating is watermelon, the fruit that drips water - sometimes vodka - like a leaky faucet down your arms while you eat it. Packed with water and lycopene, a cancer-fighting antioxidant, watermelon is the kind of thing you'd enjoy even if it weren't great for you. But it is. Some people even put slices at the bottom of their water, which gives them even more incentive to hydrate, plus it's light and soothing on the stomach and helps fill you up without packing on hardly any calories at all.
Broccoli (and Cauliflower)
They may not look too hydration friendly with their cold, hard bushy exterior, but broccoli and cauliflower - they go hand-in-hand in my book - are packed with water, vitamins and phytonutrients, most of which help battle high cholesterol and rehydrate. You can toss them on a skillet with some garlic seasoning, but boiling them in a pot of water softens them up, just as long as you don't boil the goodness out of them.
Spinach
The kids - actually many adults - think they hate it because someone told them it's gross, but spinach is actually one of the most refreshing, healthier greens you can get your hydration-loving hands on. There are only seven calories in a cup, but an endless number of benefits in that same amount, like potassium, fiber and folate for brain energy. People who think it tastes bad or just haven't let their taste buds grow up can enjoy spinach in their smoothies. It's undetectable in taste, plus it makes them pretty, green and loads healthier, despite whatever negative stigma it may have.
Strawberries
It's not enough they're incredibly sweet and delicious; they've got to be good for you too? Strawberries, though not quite as hydrating as watermelon, packed about 90 percent water content into those red little beauties, and added sugar is necessary. You can eat them right off the tree to stimulate your metabolism and suppress your appetite, but they're so good you might eat the entire tree. Good in oatmeal, smoothies and on pretty much any snack you enjoy, strawberries hydrate but also are filling, keeping you away from junk foods while giving you the carbs you can easily burn off.
Green Apples
An apple a day keeps the health bills from piling up like some sort of circus trick. That's not how the saying goes, is it? But apples are not only known as the common seasonal fruit, they're also good for lower cholesterol, weight and have the ability to fight off some of the big health risks associated with overeating and high calorie counts. Don't be us? Just refer to your stack of doctor bills at the end of the year. And green ones have less sugar than red, if that helps you be less prejudice in the produce section. Eat more apples. That should be the saying.
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Today's Funny Photos
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10 Public Figures Who Allegedly Made A Pact With The Devil
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'Step Up 2' Star Briana Evigan is Hotter Than You Remember
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These Things Overheard In Private School Will Make You Hate The Next Generation Of Spoiled Brats
If it wasn't so hilarious, the Facebook page Overheard in Private School would be the most depressing place on the Internet. Apparently these are real comments overheard from real spoiled rotten teenagers at various private schools around the world. If you can read these obnoxious comments without wanting to smack every single one of these kids in the jaw, you are a better person than I am.
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The 17 Worst Tramp Stamp Tattoos You Will Ever See
Let's be honest, any tramp stamp is a bad idea. But these are especially bad ideas.
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Donald Sterling's Favorite Current Los Angeles Clippers, Ranked
There is a lot of controversy swirling around Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling right now regarding racist comments he allegedly made about his team and his fans. Instead of dwelling on the negative, we reached out to Sterling to highlight what he loves about his team. Here is an exclusive ranking from the Clippers owner himself of Donald Sterling's favorite current Clippers players.
![los angele clippers, donald sterling]()
#2. Half of Blake Griffin
![donald sterling, los angeles clippers, racism]()
And, that's about it. Because...well, you know...
#1. J.J. Reddick
#2. Half of Blake Griffin
And, that's about it. Because...well, you know...
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Soccer Player Eats Banana That Was Thrown At Him
After TMZ Sports released audio this weekend of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling telling his girlfriend not to bring black people to his games, many were again reminded that racism sadly still exists in our society.
But it's not something that is just limited to American sports, as black soccer players all over the world have unfortunately been dealing with racist taunts and objects being hurled at them for quite some time.
During yesterday's 3-2 victory over Villareal, Barcelona's Dani Alves was readying a corner kick when an asshole fan hurled a banana onto the field in his direction. But instead of just throwing it off the field and forgetting that it happened, Alves picked it up and gave the ultimate "f-you" to the racist pile of garbage who threw it:
When asked about it after the game, Alves told reporters, "We have suffered this in Spain for some time. You have to take it with a dose of humor. We aren't going to change things easily. If you don't give it importance, they don't achieve their objective."
Well, if Alves' objective is making that fan look like a total douchebag in front of his peers, we'll consider the score Alves 1, doucebag 0.
This is why we played baseball: The Craziest Acts of Soccer Violence
But it's not something that is just limited to American sports, as black soccer players all over the world have unfortunately been dealing with racist taunts and objects being hurled at them for quite some time.
During yesterday's 3-2 victory over Villareal, Barcelona's Dani Alves was readying a corner kick when an asshole fan hurled a banana onto the field in his direction. But instead of just throwing it off the field and forgetting that it happened, Alves picked it up and gave the ultimate "f-you" to the racist pile of garbage who threw it:
When asked about it after the game, Alves told reporters, "We have suffered this in Spain for some time. You have to take it with a dose of humor. We aren't going to change things easily. If you don't give it importance, they don't achieve their objective."
Well, if Alves' objective is making that fan look like a total douchebag in front of his peers, we'll consider the score Alves 1, doucebag 0.
This is why we played baseball: The Craziest Acts of Soccer Violence
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Father Kicks Son Off Skateboard Ramp
This is the world's worst father. His name is Marcus Crossland, and this took place at the Kona Skate Park in Arlington, Florida. We've all heard of tough love, but kicking your seemingly terrified toddler off the edge of a giant half pipe and then walking away as he cries out in pain is definitely the meanest thing we've ever seen a dad do to his kid. The endless replays only help to hammer home the point that this dad is a total asshole who should never be allowed to raise a child. Hopefully the other adults who caught this talked some sense into the dad. Or maybe got revenge by shoving him over the edge of that same ramp.
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You Know, Kids Can Really Be A-holes Sometimes
For those of you who have kids, you probably already know all about this. As much as you love them, kids can be absolute monsters. I know this for a fact. I was one. To this day, my mother still tells stories of how I managed to scale giant bookshelves or when I put my fully dressed friend in the shower and turned the water on. The bottom line is, while children are lovable and adorable, they can also be total a-holes. For those of you that don't have any yet, let this be just another form of birth control for you.
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This Is What Happens If You Cut A Carnivorous Plant Open
It's pretty crazy to think that there are plants out there that can eat animals. This Tropical Nepenthes Pitcher Plant happens to be one of those plants. While their prey usually consists of insects, some of the larger species are able to feast on rats and lizards. The plant produces a syrupy fluid which is used to drown the prey. What happens to the prey after? This video will show you.
Feel free to jump to the 1:40 mark to watch the dissection.
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The Spotlight is on Sarah Stage
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Playboy's Miss May Dani Mathers Has a Near Nip-Slip
Dani Mathers is going to be the centerfold for your next month's issue of Playboy. The beautiful blonde bikini babe makes the beaches of Cabo San Lucas somehow look even better with her bright, voluptuous lips and playful personality in this behind-the-scenes video of her shoot. We hate to tell you it's not a show-all peek, but it's a great peek nonetheless. Your Miss May 2014 is fairly proportionate with her 33D "giant boobies" and her modern-day Pam Anderson-like approach to one-piece bathing suits. Dani makes herself comfy, but almost a little too comfy, at the end with a close-call nipple slip. Don't worry, we kept it as PG-13 as we could for you guys. We know you like to keep things clean, especially at work.
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Guy Looking for False Teeth Brings Busy Highway to a Standstill
Unless those dentures were made of solid gold, we're going to go ahead and say he pulled a page out of Lindsay Lohan's book and made a poor decision.
![man stops traffic for false teeth]()
According to The Washington Post, a biker brought traffic on one of Madrid's busiest highways to a standstill over the weekend when he decided to park his motorcycle and look for his false teeth that had fallen out of his mouth when he sneezed.
Two Spanish police officers told the man to end his search and get back on his bike for his own safety, and traffic along Madrid's M-30 highway resumed.
We're assuming nobody got the exact number of obscenities pissed-off motorists hurled in his direction, and there was no word as to whether or not the man actually found his fake grill. If not, we'll probably never know just how many bugs were stuck in between his artificial pearly whites.
Let's be honest. Whether or not he found his false teeth, his day ended up much better than this poor bastard's: Missing Penis Causes Road Closures
According to The Washington Post, a biker brought traffic on one of Madrid's busiest highways to a standstill over the weekend when he decided to park his motorcycle and look for his false teeth that had fallen out of his mouth when he sneezed.
Two Spanish police officers told the man to end his search and get back on his bike for his own safety, and traffic along Madrid's M-30 highway resumed.
We're assuming nobody got the exact number of obscenities pissed-off motorists hurled in his direction, and there was no word as to whether or not the man actually found his fake grill. If not, we'll probably never know just how many bugs were stuck in between his artificial pearly whites.
Let's be honest. Whether or not he found his false teeth, his day ended up much better than this poor bastard's: Missing Penis Causes Road Closures
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Today's Funny Photos
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More Pages to Explore .....
