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25 of the Worst Craigslist Encounters Ever

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You would think the possibility of being murdered and dismembered by a psycho would deter shoppers from Craigslist, but somehow it does not. As much as we'd all want to save $40 on a PlayStation 3, sometimes you've got to weigh out value versus your life. Here are 25 of the most bizarre and just plain terrible Craigslist encounters from Ask Reddit.

1. Susanisnotabitch
Not me, but a friend. He was selling a graphing calculator and arranged to meet the buyer at a shopping center. The buyer wanted to test it out, but it didn't have batteries. My friend agreed to ride to a grocery store with him to pick up batteries.

On the way back to where they originally met, buyer took the calculator to test it out. He plays with it for a minute, agrees it is in good condition, and passes it back to my friend. On the screen, the buyer had typed, "You are kidnapped." My friend finishes reading it; buyer locks doors and speeds up. Friend panics. Then the buyer stops, laughs, gives my friend money, lets him out and tells him to be more careful.


2. Jaydickchest
My friend was trying to buy something off Craigslist. He made arrangements to meet somewhere, agreed on price blah blah blah.

Couple minutes later, the guy calls my friend back and says, "Hey man, don't come. I was just going to rob you, but I heard some kids in the background when we were talking on the phone"


3. WhoKnowsImStoned
I bought a bike from a man in a grocery store parking lot. His flaccid penis was sticking out of his zipper for the entire duration of the transaction.


4. Vivichase
I once met up with some guy on Craigslist to buy his used copy of Fallout 3, and I had deliberately left out the fact that I was girl since I assumed that it would help minimize the creeper potential. It didn't. 40 minutes later, he's still trying to convince me to trade the game for sex. I grabbed the game, shoved 30 bucks in his face, and ran off.


5. Le_Wild_Toon
I buy and flip phones, so I was responding to a S4 for sale. I meet him at the police station and when I look at the phone there are at least 50 texts and missed calls from someone asking for their phone back.

I tell him it's not his and I walked into the police station with the phone, guy got arrested for theft, and we returned the phone to the owner. She was so grateful and offered me $50. I just said pass it on. Felt badass for a week.


6. Cloudnyne
I got robbed at gunpoint when I tried to sell my ex-fiancée's engagement ring on Craigslist. That incident solidified in my head everything associated with my cheating ex was evil and cursed.


7. Zombiegrl
I bought a Xbox 360 from a craigslist ad. The kid selling it was like 17. We met at a public location (Starbucks) at my request. I handed him the money, he handed me the 360. Then he asked me if he could buy me a coffee. I declined. He asked me if I wanted to go out sometime. I declined, thanked him for the Xbox, and left.

Well, unfortunately, he had my phone number and email address, as I had responded to his ad. He started sending me these long, angst filled teenage emails about how he was "in love" with me, and I was his destiny, and texting me dozens of times a day.


8. Clever__Girl
I was trying to sell my old laptop on CL. I was flooded with scam emails saying, "I would like to purchase this item for my brother/uncle/nephew/etc. who is studying/volunteering/doing missionary work in Nigeria. Please send your bank account number and information so I may wire transfer funds." Seriously I got like 100 of these emails all saying some variation of that story.

They were all OBVIOUSLY very fake emails. Anyway, I finally get a legit sounding message saying this guy wants to buy it. We meet at a Starbucks and he checks out the laptop and asks some questions, seems satisfied so he gets out his cash. As he hands it to me he says, "Thanks so much, my brother is over in Nigeria for his studies and really needed a computer so this will be a great gift!" I accidentally burst out laughing, and he just looked at me like I was a crazy bitch and left.


9. Biggunks
I sold a robotic triceratops from Costco at Christmas time. Got $200 in counterfeit bills. I had emails, texts, a phone number, a license plate number, car description and a Target manager who pulled the surveillance tape for me. No outcome. One of the reasons I don't find cops to be helpful.


10. Squiggyshuman
I foolishly let a strange guy come to my house to buy a used iPad for his son. He handed me $40 less in cash than I asked in my ad, saying it was all the cash he had, and that he figured it was a fair price. When I refused to accept what he offered, he became irate, red in the face, slapped my table with his palm, said I was being greedy and that everyone selling on Craigslist "negotiates" their asking price.

I tried to calm him down by saying that I had only had the ad in for one day, and I would be glad to call him if I couldn't sell it for my asking price. He angrily decided he still wanted it, and left to go to his bank to get the $40, slamming my door behind him so hard that the house shook. As soon as he left, I texted him not to come back, because I had changed my mind about selling the iPad after all. He texted me back apologizing, but I never responded.


11. NosaJ4297
My brother almost met a child molester on craigslist. My brother (15 at the time) posted that he was looking for a job. He got a response about some contracting work, and told the guy he would think about it. My dad decided it would be a good idea to do a background check on my brother's potential boss. Turns out he's a third degree sex offender. Third degree is rape.


12. Jetskier2313
So here is a good one: My laptop got stolen out of my truck one night. Filed a police report and everything but they weren't going to do anything. So being pissed off I thought I would check Craigslist and guess what? The guy who stole was trying to sell it on Craigslist two towns over. I had him send me some pictures of it to confirm that it was mine.

I contacted the police and we set up a sting operation at the local Starbucks and caught the guy. It turned out to be a minor and he had weapons and other stolen crap in his car. I was pretty proud of myself for that! I never thought I would see that laptop again. Guy didn't even wipe the hard drive.


13. Tapeworms
I went to buy a semi-rare video game (Final Fantasy Tactics, before it became a Greatest Hit). Met this girl in a Wendy's parking lot, she gave me the cd case. I opened it, and it was empty. I demanded my $20 back, she looked at me and said if I did anything other than leave, she would lie and say I assaulted her.

I pulled out my phone and started to pretend to record her (my cell at the time had no camera) and she started stumbling around, pretending I had attacked her. After a minute of this silliness, our eyes met and I think she realized how ridiculous this was getting, and gave me my money back.


14. Howley7
I went to buy a Nintendo 64 with a ton of games and a few controllers for $100, he told me to meet him at a Wal-Mart not far from my school, so I went after the school day. He told me that morning that he had a cherry red Mustang and to meet him at it at 3 o'clock.

I pulled into the Wal-Mart and there has to be three or four cop cars around a cherry red Mustang. The guy was sitting on the curb while they took out a bunch of shit from his car. He had like two pounds of marijuana on him and some other stuff. I was sad. I really wanted the N64.


15. Ahalavais
Selling sealed Magic: The Gathering boxes. Get a response; arrange to meet at a Starbucks open twenty-four hours. Arrive at Starbucks. See that there is conveniently an ATM on the same block. Grab a coffee and wait. There's a trio of police cars out front, also drinking coffee and talking.

Guy shows up. Checks in with me. Walks down to ATM. Comes back with stack of cash. We walk to my car. He hands me cash. I hand him boxes. We both promptly get detained by said police, who are absolutely convinced that this is some sort of complicated drug trafficking. Repeatedly demand to search both vehicles, which my new friend is adamantly against (and this being San Francisco, not too surprising).

They open the booster boxes. Open some of the packs. Call for backup. Backup completely randomly is a regular Magic: The Gathering player. Spends ten minutes convincing other officers that this is not, in fact, a complex drug deal.


16. Venomftr
Not terribly wrong, but my gf and I arranged to buy a couch off of a couple in a fairly bad neighborhood. After a hassle of trying to find the place we get in the apartment, the couch is in REALLY good condition, and it was retail listed for $1200, but we were paying $500.

They were moving the next day and really needed to sell it. As I'm carrying one of the sections of the couch out with the guy I see a bug scuttle across the couch. The guy flicks it off with quickness. And looks at me with the most apprehensive stare ever. Long story short, the couch was absolutely infested with roaches - like I'm talking thousands INSIDE THE COUCH. They knew.


17. Farm_the_karm
Not me but my sister's boyfriend decided to sell his BMW online. It was customized by him and it was a really close car that he'd had for a couple of years. They meet up in a parking lot talking and nothing strange, the buyer wants to test-drive the car just in the parking lot. My sister's bf hands him the keys and the guy just drove off.

He just stood there shocked not really understanding what the hell just happened. He reports it to the police and to the insurance company and gets some money. Weeks goes and no report, but he finally gets a call from the police: Apparently, his car ran over a pedestrian and killed him/her.


18. Rufioh
My older brother used to hook up with people on casual encounters. He had done this a few time without any issue, usually with people that were in town for business. He would called me and tell me about it, bragging and stuff. I told him to be careful that he doesn't wake up in a bathtub missing a kidney. He claimed he had it under control.

Not too much later, he called me in the morning. He told me that he had plans to meet up with this really hot girl in a hotel room somewhere on the east side. I think she wanted him to bring some pills or drugs and he decided not to. Good thing he didn't go that night because on the news there were stories of people getting jumped and robbed at that hotel when trying to meet up with people from Craigslist. Apparently the girl would be waiting in the room with some big dude in there too.

As far as I know, he hasn't tried hooking up on craigslist again.


19. Doormouse76
Kid opened a craigslist ad for an iPhone 5. He would meet them outside the closed elementary school at an agreed-upon time and rob them with what appeared to be a handgun.

Twist: He left the same ad up and just kept robbing people.

Cops answer the ad and busted him. Once they got into his account, they found he had six more jobs planned.


20. Rottenscred
My buddy responded to an ad for a cheap-ass car. He took it for a test drive and it ran well, so they agreed on a price of $200. After the money changed hands, the seller said he will go inside to get the extra keys and bring the car around. About 2 minutes later, the car passes by and continues down the street. My buddy freaks the fuck out and gives chase, unfortunately the car gets away and he is left to go back to the house and see if he can sort it out.

As it turned out, the car that passed by was just an innocent motorist with the same car merrily going about his business. It's very fortunate my buddy never caught up to him. I could only imagine the seller back at the house, wondering why someone would hand him $200 and take off running.


21. Neumarx
I met up with a woman at Starbucks to buy a violin. I get there on time and then get a text message that she's going to be 20 minutes late. No big deal. I can hang out at the 'bucks for twenty minutes. She was making me wait because she had another interested buyer who was also meeting her at the same Starbucks. That twenty minutes was to make sure the other interested party would be there when I was.

She tried to initiate a bidding war between me and this other person in the coffee shop. I was really annoyed, because I had already agreed on the price in the ad, and I didn't have an extra hundred dollars to outbid this person. So I said, "This isn't what I showed up here for" and left.

I got a call later from the seller. After I was gone, the other interested buyer tried talking the price down to below what I was going to pay for it. She offered the violin to me again at the price we agreed to before she tried to get me in a bidding competition with someone else. I told her I wasn't interested anymore.


22. Dreamcrusher69
I sold a vacuum on there and it was nothing special. I inherited it from a move out. My price was a reasonable $15. I described it as an average vacuum with average abilities. The buyer pulled up in a $40K car, and wanted to haggle with me. I sold it for $10. She then proceeded to send me pictures of it not picking up things it vacuumed for an entire day. I got out of work and told her the hose was detached. "Oh." Two days pass.

Cue pictures of it not picking up stuff "to her standards." I reiterate the purchase price of said vacuum. My parents come to town, she is blowing me up with texts and pictures of a dustpan of dirt from her yard dumped onto carpet as some kind of "display." I don't respond, I will refund her once my parents leave in ONE FUCKING DAY! We come home from dinner to her severing and smashing the vacuum cleaner to bits in my front yard, holding a note in her hand that said, "You can keep the money asshole."

We basically caught her red-handed. She looked extremely embarrassed. I made her pick it up and throw it in my trashcan. Then I told her to leave and never come back. I also told her that if she ever did anything to my property, she idiotically corresponded me with her douchey e-mail signature where she basically lists every achievement and address and life experience she's ever had and I would come find her. The end.


23. Inspector-34
I wanted to sell an old couch from my previous house because we were getting 2 new roommates and they already had couches. I posted the ad and 15 minutes later I got an email. The guy said he would pay 75 for the couch (I had listed it at 100) but would bring some Xbox games to trade to make up the difference. OK, nice. So he pulls up in a truck with two women in the truck bed. I insist on helping him get the couch outside but he says no and has the two women do it.

Then, it gets interesting. He says he only has $50 but if I took the money, he would "give" me one the girls for 20 minutes. Keep in mind, he told me this as the couch is sitting in his truck. I didn't know what to say. I took the $50 and said to just leave. He was insulted for some reason and threatened to come back and "beat my ass and rob me blind." We moved to our new house the next day with our new roommates.

Fast forward a month: I read in my school's newspaper and on the front page was a picture of my old street with the headline of "Man arrested intimidating students at a party with a crowbar." My old residence. I read on. His name was Bruce and his criminal background included 17 misdemeanors and a dropped rape and attempted kidnapping charge. Also, just as icing on the cake, he was also wanted in Ohio on numerous stalking charges. Craigslist: never again.


24. ShawnisMaximus
A couple years ago I was buying some DVDs from a guy. He was on the sketchy side of town. Anyway I pull up to his house. It is a five-plex (five attached houses) and there is a note on the front door to go to the back. So I go to the back and there are these three gangster-looking guys getting midday drunk and some cracked-out girl with her shirt tied up, barely covering her, while wearing short shorts. They all stop what they are doing and stare at me.

"Umm, are you selling the DVDs?" I ask, sweating beneath my dorky Spider-Man T-shirt.

"DVDs? Nah man, don't have any of those. Want some crack?" says the largest one, flexing his muscles.

"Uhh, no thanks"

"What about my girl here?"

"What do you mean?" My face is dripping sweat at this point.

"You wanna take her home?"

"Umm, no thanks, I saw this ad online"

"Why not? You think she's ugly?" he stands up and looks at me menacingly while I stammer and then says "Ah, I'm just fuckin' with you man. No DVDs. Sure you don't want no crack?"


25. TNReb
Someone had an Xbox 360 for sale. I emailed him and we agreed to meet up in a park. Turns out to be a kid who was about 14-15 years old. I pay him cash and leave. I get home and turn it on, but the CD drive doesn't open. I fiddle with it a bit, and realize it's just broke.

I email him back, and he says something to the effect of "You have to take the face of the Xbox off and push something on the side ... then it will open." Basically he admitted he knew it was broken, so I tell him I want my money back, and he says no.

I was guessing he was using his real name (first and last) in his email address, so I open the phone book (yes, a phone book) and looked up everybody by that last name in that town. There were fewer than 10 entries. I dialed the first one and asked if the kid was there. She says, "No, this is his aunt's house."

I politely said, "Oh, do you happen to have his home number?" She gives it to me. I find that phone number in the phone book and get the street address. I drive to his house and knock on the door. He answers the door and starts freaking out. "You have to leave! My mom can't know I sold that!"
I said, "I'm not leaving without my money."

He says, "I already spent it! Get out of here!"

I just laughed, stepped around him, and knocked again on the door until his mom showed up. Turns out she knew the Xbox was broken also. She made him give me the money back (he hadn't spent it) and I handed over the broken Xbox.

 

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Man Arrested at Waffle House for Dropping Pants, Discussing His Genitals

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Given the fact that his name was Ryan Smallwood, we'll make the assumption that there wasn't very much to talk about.
ryan smallwood waffle house arrest
According to WSOC, a 26-year-old man was arrested at a Waffle House in Rock Hill, North Carolina, early Saturday morning after dropping his Wranglers, giving the finger to other customers and talking about his giggle stick.

A Rock Hill police officer was "working" overtime while the incident took place and ordered Smallwood to pull up his pants. He also warned him that he would be asked to leave the restaurant if he kept up his shenanigans.

But Smallwood felt that it was the right time to strike up a conversation about his twig and berries with two people at the bar, and the officer told him he needed to leave the Waffle House immediately if he didn't want to be arrested.

Of course, Smallwood didn't see what the fuss what about and argued back. He was arrested and charged with public disorderly conduct.

While it couldn't be confirmed, we're sure the remaining Waffle House customers were thrilled that the perp wound up being Ryan Smallwood instead of Johnny Rottencrotch.

So, what exactly are they putting in the eggs? Former Math Teacher Allegedly Had Sex With Her Student at a Waffle House

 

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Jersey Shore Sign Hacked, Changed to 'Assville'

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Based on what we've seen and experienced there, we'll call that a pretty accurate assessment.

According to Huffington Post, the mayor of Upper Township, New Jersey, wasn't very happy about a sign on Route 49 that was supposed to point drivers in the direction of the Jersey Shore, but instead lead them to "Assville."

Jersey Shore sign changed to Assville
Mayor Richard Palombo acknowledged that someone hacked into the sign and called for the operators of it to make sure it is more secure in the future.

But while the mayor isn't too thrilled about Assville, everybody else seems to be all about it: Surprisingly, nobody seems to care about the gang sign spray-painted on the lower left of the road sign. If that gang really wants to get their message out to the masses, they might want to start calling themselves the "Assvilles."

More fun with changing signs: Michelle Obama Falls Victim To Photoshop Pranksters Around The Internet

 

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This Killer Clown Scare Prank Will Give You Nightmares

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I don't care how brave you say you are, running into a person dressed as a killer clown will make you scream like a little girl and run like hell. The crew over at DM Pranks have crafted the perfect prank to prove it. They set up a guy in a very creepy clown costume with a dummy to look like a real dead body sprawled out in front of him. They didn't stop there though. The dummy was rigged with a head that shoots blood everywhere the minute the clown smashes it with a giant mallet. As expected, the witnesses bolt in the opposite direction to get away from the clown.

Don't act like you wouldn't do the same. Even if it is just a prank, I know I'll be walking around corners in parking structures a little more cautiously from now on.

 

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10 Famous People Who Cheated Death

News Anchor Calls Fire Truck a F**k Truck on Air

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Let's be honest. An accident involving a f**k truck would have been a lot more entertaining.

With a name like Alison Bologna, you have to think that she'll be able to laugh this one off with the best of them.

Bologna, an anchor for the NBC 10 News in Providence, Rhode Island, was tasked with trying to quickly read a news story involving a fire truck that flipped over on a highway outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, last week.

Instead, her little "f**k" up will now live in Internet infamy.


A true professional, Bologna never referred to her hiccup and was beyond sure she pronounced "fire" truck correctly the next time around.

And kudos to her partner, who you can hear chuckling in the background after her mispronunciation, for getting it together for his story about a fire in Tampa that killed four people. We're almost positive you don't want to be remembered as the guy who laughed about that.

Good lord! There really is a f**k truck: People in San Francisco Can Now Have Sex in a 'Hook-Up Truck'

 

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What Animal Takes The Biggest Dumps?

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We at Mandatory are down with science. We strongly believe that we can learn a great deal about the world and thereby make it a better place through observation, hypothesis, testing and application. It's adherence to the scientific method that allows us to create important graphics like the one below. (We're sorry.)

 

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Boy Gets Scooter Thrown at His Head During Fight

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At the risk of sounding incredibly old, what the hell is wrong with kids today?! Last week, a girl fight ended with one girl throwing a shovel at the back of the other's head and now we have this. Two boys get into a fight and, in the middle of their fisticuffs (around the :16 mark), a boy has a Razor scooter thrown at him by someone who wasn't even one of the boys in the fight.

The girls involved in the shovel fight have both been charged with disorderly conduct, so it's possible one or more people in this video might not be getting off easy. Please stop throwing things at each other, people. Try a dance-off instead. The only things that get bruised in a dance-off are egos.

 

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Bonnie Edwards' Sexy Guide to Quickies

Playboy's Cybergirl of the Month Lindsey Pelas is Too Hot for You

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Lindsey Pelas isn't just another pretty blonde; she's Playboy.com's newest Cybergirl of the Month for May 2014. The incredibly voluptuous bartender gets all dolled up for drinks at the pool as she teaches us how she likes to make her martinis when she plays. This platinum blonde might be from Louisiana, but she's anything but traditional, which you might notice when she strips down to her white lace. If you're ever in Louisiana, you'd be a fool to not get served by this southern beauty. Or you could just check her out online since she'll be rocking the Internet hard for the entire month of May. You did well, Playboy. You did real well!

 

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Bounce House Literally Blows Three Kids Away

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Well, it looks like bringing back the game of jarts for your kid's ninth birthday party wasn't such a bad idea after all.
bounce house blows away with kids inside
According to WGHP, three kids were hurt Monday afternoon in South Glens Falls, N.Y., when the inflatable bounce house they were, well, bouncing in became detached from the stakes holding it down because of strong gust of wind.

A ten-year-old girl suffered only minor injuries after she fell out almost instantly, but two boys, ages five and six, were transported to Albany Medical Center after they fell out of what sounds like the worst ride ever when it was at least 15 feet in the air. One boy landed on a parked car while the other landed on the ground.

A neighbor snapped the picture of the bounce house blowing away, and witnesses said it lifted as high as 50 feet off the ground.

A 2012 study said that nearly 30 kids visit the emergency room with bounce house-related injuries everyday, most of which are broken bones and leg and arm sprains.

Hopefully, these kids will come out of this all right and grow up to throw parties for their kids somewhere just a tad less dangerous - like Detroit.

Usually when kids get injured, it's pretty damn funny: Kids Getting Hilariously Injured: A GIF Collection

 

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Teacher Arrested for DWI While Driving to School

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According to KHOU, Patricia Almond is a teacher at Timberwood Middle School in Humble, Texas. Well, at least she was.

After she allegedly swerved and hit a retaining wall on her way to school last week, the middle school theater and arts teacher couldn't act sober enough to prevent DWI charges.

Upon exiting her vehicle, officers said Almond was "disoriented, swaying from side to side, had bloodshot eyes and had the smell of alcohol on her breath." Based on her mugshot, we feel pretty confident with that assessment.

middle school teacher arrested for dwi while driving to school
We're unsure if Almond's lawyers will use the defense that she went too far in showing her kids what it takes to be the next Lindsay Lohan, but that might be the only chance she has at beating this thing.

Sadly, this isn't the first arrest this month in the Humble Independent School District, as a teacher at Ridgecreek Elementary School was busted last week with heroin, meth and other drugs stashed in her apartment.

In the case of Almond, I guess sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you just feel like getting wasted before 8 a.m. on a weekday and flushing your career down the toilet.

Here's one guy who probably won't be her replacement: Substitute Teacher Caught Masturbating on the Job

 

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Iowa Couple Served 'Marijuana McDoubles' at McDonald's

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The craziest part of this story isn't that the couple alleges their burgers were served with weed on them, but rather the fact that they're bitching about it.

According to UPI, a couple who recently rolled into the McDonald's in Ottumwa, Iowa, claims the McDoubles they ordered were laced with marijuana.
mcdonald's marijuana mcdouble burgers
When Brittany Songer, who is six weeks pregnant, opened the burger she had just taken a bite from, she "couldn't smell McDonald's anymore" and could "only smell the illegal drugs that were on it." Songer originally thought her companion Cory Long had cologne on his hands because of the way her burger tasted, making her one of the few people in Iowa who somehow knows what cologne tastes like.


The Ottumwa Police Department said they were looking into the matter and are probably hoping the weed was so potent that the couple just forgets that they even filed a complaint in the first place. They also said drug tests on the burgers should come back in about two months, making it the most inconvenient and inefficient test of all-time.

Not every phone call to the police about weed goes as well as you'd hoped: Woman Arrested After Calling Police About Her Bad Pot

 

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Today's Funniest Photos


How to Lose a Hipster in 20 Ways

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Whether it's a regular everyday hipster or the elusive spotted hipster sporting matching polka dot shirts and socks, you can be sure they're immersing themselves deeply in the fabric of our everyday lives. In tribute to terhipster guy sitting by wallrible Matthew McConaughey rom-coms and our love of numbered lists, here's a quick lesson on how to lose a hipster in 20 ways.

1. Take something that wasn't cool, then deemed cool by hipsters (thereby eventually making it cool for everyone), and make it uncool again - like tucking your shirt into some baggy Wrangler jeans, still folding the cuffs at the bottom and trading your fedora for a sweet cowboy hat.

2. Start listening to the radio more, mostly rap. Not indie rap, but someone like Ludacris.

3. Leave a progressively larger trail of first-edition hardback books of authors you've never heard of (or Allen Ginsburg's poetry) away from your home towards the nearest non-Starbucks organic coffee shop.

4. Delete Instagram, buy a disposable camera and trade your iPhone for grocery money (to only use at Kroger/Ralphs).hipster wearing thick-framed glasses

5. Wear contact lenses instead of huge, awkward, thick-framed glasses. If you want to keep wearing glasses, though, just add some prescription lenses to them.

6. Ban hand-rolled and electronic cigarettes from your home, but welcome chewing tobacco and set out spittoons for everyone's enjoyment.

7. Clap and cheer loudly at concerts and book readings, showing your genuine appreciation for the arts whenever you have the chance. Don't be shy.

8. Collect as many rare vinyl records, vintage typewriters, used books and pairs of thrifty dress shoes as you can, then torch them at the next bonfire catered by people who love the holidays.
hipster moustache
9. Swap out your perfectly twirled, waxed mustache with a good clean, responsible shave.

10. Get an adult haircut and post pictures of it on Tumblr, showing people how much you like it.

11. Give a hipster's French bulldog to a nice shelter and sell their mandolin to a pawn shop. Then trade all their flannel shirts for one nice three-piece suit that's two sizes too big.

12. Talk about how much you love the government, fringe benefits and the impressive 401K at your full-time job during all dinner conversations.

13. Listen to Coldplay. And Dave Matthews Band. Trash Grizzly Bear, Neutral Milk Hotel and The Field.

14. Buy your clothes anywhere except Urban Outfitters, then wash them using fabric softener.
hipster with bike
15. Trade your single speed road bike for a mountain bike with squeaky brakes and a silly horn.

16. Support franchises and run those small-time local businesses and nonprofits out of town.

17. Date girls who only eat meat and gluten.

18. Drink corporate coffee and avoid almond milk at all costs, then replace your hipster friend's pornographic coffee table photo books with gossip magazines.

19. Throw parties and refuse the bringing of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

20. Love "Portlandia." They hate that shit.

portlandia

 

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10 TV Characters Who Changed Drastically

Why Can't Anyone Spell 'Yard Sale' Anymore?

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What do you do when you have an old TV or a well-worn-but-still-totally-comfortable couch you want to get rid of? Why, you have a yard sard, of course.

yard sard

yard sard

yard sard

yard sard

yard sard

yard sard

This one was so close...
yard sard

 

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More Coloring Book Corruptions to Satisfy Your Twisted Mind

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