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This Preschooler Just Gave The Greatest Graduation Speech You Will Ever Hear

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The season of graduation speeches is upon us. However, it's going to be near impossible to top this one. There are career aspirations and then there is preschool graduate Jathan Muhar's career aspirations. In just a few short words, little Jathan has made us hopeful for the future of this country. Preach on, little Jathan. You make us proud.

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Seattle Visited by 'Weed Fairy' Over Memorial Day Weekend

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Considering that a visit from the Tooth Fairy at any given time in your adult life would be less than welcome because it would entail the loss of permanent teeth, a different kind of pixie has taken over in her stead.
weed fairy in seattle
OK, not really, but according to the Associated Press, 23-year-old Yeni Sleidi is on a mission to bring joy to the lives of the people of Seattle one nugget at a time. Over Memorial Day weekend, Sleidi was seen handing out fliers with nuggets of pot attached to them. Of course, when it comes to her true motivations, things get a bit hazy.

"I'm not sure what the thought process was but I thought people would be amused by it," Sleidi said.

While recreational use of marijuana has been legal in both Washington and Colorado since 2012, the idea of handing out weed to strangers was actually first conceived while Sleidi was living in New York during the government shutdown. Her most recent attempt to put a little bud in our hearts, so to speak, was the first time she'd ever attached her name to the anonymous deed, though.

"I felt so relaxed about it ... I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it elsewhere in the country," Sleidi said.

Keep the good vibes going: 12 Hilarious Medicinal Marijuana Clinic Names in California

 

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Birds of Metal: The Most Ridiculous Music Feature You Will Ever See

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We really don't know what to say about this. We were sitting in our office, and we started changing the names of popular rock bands into bird band names. We thought that was pretty funny, so we decided to take it one step further and Photoshop the specific birds onto the new and improved bird bands' album covers. The end result is simply art. Ridiculous art.

birds of metal, bird bands, thrush
bird bands, bird albums, sparrowsmith
bird bands, bird albums, the flamingo lips
bird bands, bird albums, storkestral manoeuvres in the dark
bird bands, bird albums, blink-18Toucan
bird bands, bird albums, bon crowvi
bird bands, bird albums, nine finch quails
bird bands, bird albums, alice in cranes
bird bands, bird albums, AC/Kiwi

 

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Drunk Man Subdued With Lasso After Opening Fire at Rodeo

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Is it considered irony to be lassoed into submission after shooting into a crowd of innocent bystanders at a church rodeo? We don't know about all that, but it likely will result in a Georgia man getting deported.
drunk man lassoed, celestino moras
According to UPI, Austell, Georgia, resident Celestino Moras, 25, showed up drunk to a local Bartow County church picnic and rodeo after not being invited to the festivities. Upon arrival, he was asked to leave the event, but instead became irritated and opened fire on the crowd of over 300 people.

Once his pistol ran out of bullets, spectators jumped and beat the intoxicated Moras, who was initially lassoed by one of the rodeo cowboys to prevent him from getting away.

Moras was charged with aggravated assault upon the arrival of law enforcement. Fortunately, only four people were treated for minor injuries. In the meantime, Moras is also currently being investigated for a possible immigration violation.

Of course, if unambiguous irony is more your style, you can't go wrong here: Man Wearing 'Drunk As Shit' Shirt Arrested for DUI

 

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What Pickup Lines Would Be Like If Men Were Honest

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We should call pickup lines what they really are: lies. You know you're not going to give her the best sex of her life or whatever terrible lines you come up with. You're going to desperately try to get her number or to take her home by hiding everything about you for as long as possible. Let's put all of the façades aside and start trying out some honest, realistic pickup lines. They probably won't work, but if they do, your date will know exactly what they're getting into.























 

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The Debate Rages On: Does Porn Make Men Dumber?

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As much as we don't like to admit it, the amount of pornographic material we watch on a daily basis most likely affects our brains in one way or another. While porn has never been conclusively linked to lower brain functionality, German researchers are currently looking to change that.
porn makes men dumber
According to Mirror, a new study performed at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development shows that men who admit to watching regular doses of pornography generally have a smaller striatum, which is the part of the brain responsible for processing rewards and motivation.

A majority of men tend to disagree with such research studies do to the fact that, if proven correct, it would mean they need to cut back on their porn viewing habits. However, not all hope is lost just yet, as the study still has a few bugs to work out.

Dr. Simone Kühn, who is the leading female author of the study, states "It's not clear, for example, whether watching porn leads to brain changes or whether people born with certain brain types watch more porn," according to The Telegraph. All the same, she goes on to say, "Moreover we found that another brain region, that is also part of the striatum that is active when people see sexual stimuli, shows less activation the more pornography participants consumed."

Obviously, nothing can be deemed 100 percent conclusive at this time, but as strides are made to do so, it appears doubtful that regular porn viewing by men has zero adverse affects on the brain.

Don't worry, men, we still have beer: Study Says Hangovers Don't Stop Us From Drinking

 

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Sofia Mattsson is a Sexy Swede


Get Blissed Out By Alexa Bliss

U.S. Men's Soccer Team Unveils Massive Fan Banner for World Cup

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The U.S. Men's National Team is just a little more than two weeks away from playing their first match in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. That means it's time to really start hyping it up, and getting the soccer fans in on the action.

Today on "Good Morning America," the men's soccer team and Degree Men unveiled a massive Fan Banner in Central Park. Measuring 30' high by 50' wide, the banner portrays the faces of thousands of U.S. Soccer fans showing their individual support for the team. The awesome banner (seen below) will actually follow the team to Brazil where it will be displayed at their training facility and fan rallies across the country. Believe it or not, yours truly will get to see the banner in person, as my colleague Max Miller and I will be covering the team in Brazil and cheering them on. I know, we still can't believe it either.

For more U.S. Soccer coverage, visit DegreeSoccer.com and #DOMORE.

U.S. men's soccer fan banner, degree do more soccer fan banner

 

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Emergency Grill Kit: Must-Haves For Any Self-Respecting Grill Master

Today's Funniest Photos

The Official 'Game of Thrones' Character Matrix

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One of the reasons "Game of Thrones" is so successful is because of the depth of characters. Not only are the characters well-developed but there's like, a butt-ton of them. Take a look at where they all shake out on the good/evil, drunk/sober scale.

 

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15 Bizarre Sexual Fetishes You've Probably Never Heard Of

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I'm sure everyone has had a moment of curiosity in either a sexual experience or a PornHub search, but this is about something a little more extreme than preferring redheads over blondes or a little foot action. Here are a few of the most bizarre sexual fetishes you've ever seen. There's no judgment here. Your porn search history is your own business. Have fun!

1. "Dendrophilia" - Sexual Attraction To Trees
It could be as a result of the phallic shape of the tree, but Dendrophilia is the love of trees, and yes, that includes in a sexual manner. I'm not sure how you go about expressing that love unless there's a honey hole in it, but I can't think of a more awkward thing to catch your friend doing on a camping trip than going at it with a sturdy oak.

2. "Knismolagnia" - Sexual Arousal From Being Tickled
No fetish on the list do I relate with less than this one. I would rather be punched than tickled, but those who are deep into the fetish will go as far as to be tied down while being tickled by one or multiple people. It may seem as though tickling is common in flirting, but for some it is the focus and high point of the sexual experience.

3. "Nebulophilia" - Sexual Arousal to Fog
It may seem like an extremely odd fetish, but think about how many movies feature sex scenes on camping trips with fog rolling in. Many of these fetishes are simply an obsession with something that most of us don't even realize we enjoy. Although with that being said I've never looked at the fog rolling in the lake and wanted to bang it.

4. "Chasmophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Caves or Valleys
Some people liked "The Descent," but other people REALLY liked "The Descent." I'm not sure what happens to cause a sexual arousal from caves, but maybe that's why I've always liked Batman. It's not a common sexual trigger, but if you find yourself dating someone who considers themselves a Chasmophiliac, might I suggest spelunking?

5. "Psellismophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Stuttering
I have a soft spot for people who have a stutter because one of my best friends struggled with one all through grade school. However, at no point did I hear that stutter and want to make out with him. The good news is that if you have a stutter and you're feeling a little down with it, take comfort in knowing that a group of people find it ridiculously stimulating.

6. "Xylophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Wood
Not that kind of wood, all you silly teenagers. This is a fetish where you're sexually turned on from anything from tree stumps to lumber. If a tree falls in the forest, does a Xylophiliac have an orgasm?

7. "Body Inflation" - Inflating One's Body for Sexual Gratification
Basically what happens is someone puts on tight clothes but underneath those clothes are balloons. The balloons will slowly be inflated and that, apparently, is very sexual for some people. It's also commonly performed with double-skinned latex suits.

8. "Sacofricosis" - The Love of Public Masturation Via a Pocket Hole
I don't know what sort of jeans you could wear to pull this off, but Sacofricosis is taking pleasure in having a hole in your pocket so you can reach into it and masturbate in public. I feel like that, even if no one noticed, the mess in your jeans would not be worth it.

9. "Vorarephilia" - The Love of Body Consumption
This is the feeling of arousal at the idea of body parts being eaten. There are numerous combinations as it could be someone eating your body parts or even you eating your own body parts. It also can involve someone swallowing another person whole, either dead or alive, and optionally digesting them.

10. "Formicophilia" - The Love of Insects Involved During Sex
Formicophilia is when a person is turned on by bugs crawling on them. Often times their partner will put small insects like ants onto their genitals and let them crawl around and nibble their skin. The stinging sensation from the bite is part of the attraction.

11. "Symorophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Disasters
Symorophilia may be the most dangerous, as it is being sexually aroused by watching disasters like fires or car accidents. If you saw the 1996 movie "Crash," this was the focus. Have you ever been driving and wondered why so many people slow down to look at an accident? Maybe this is your answer.

12. "Climacophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Falling Down Stairs
I'm not sure how you develop Climacophilia, but it's being sexually stimulated by seeing someone fall down a flight of stairs. If you suspect your girlfriend may be afflicted with Climacophilia and she suggests you guys take a trip to the Vatican Museum to see their giant spiral staircase, you should run.

13. "Psychrophilia" - Sexual Arousal From Being Cold
Psychrophilia is when a person is sexually aroused from being cold or from watching other people freeze. It could also be a combination of the two. I bet you never thought there were people who were turned on by the ending of "The Shining," huh?

14. "Nasolingus" - The Love of Sucking on Nostrils During Sex
As you may have put together from the name, Nasolingus is a sexual urge involving the nose. Often during sex they will lick and suck their partner's nose but the real clincher is that in certain cases the person will want to involve eating mucus. Some prefer sucking it out while others want to be forced to eat it. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

15. "Actirasty" - Sexual Attraction to Sun Rays
Think you like the beach? Actirasty is the feeling of sexual urges or fantasies that involve the sun's rays. It could be sex with the rays or just involved in some way, but yeah, there's a scientific name for people who want to have sex with rays of light from the sun.

 

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This Is How Darth Vader Calls a Kitty


Old-Timey Photos With Bizarre Explanations

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There are a ton of old-time photos floating around the Internet. While they're not as plentiful as the rapidly multiplying, modern hashtagged selfies, most of them are infinitely more interesting. Especially with a description of what the hell was happening at the time that photo was taken. The folks over at Distractify gathered a number of odd old-timey photos and provided descriptions of what is we're actually seeing in each one. Each of these photos was born for the Internet way before the Internet was even born.

If you've ever wanted to look like a penguin, feel free to time travel back to 1939. People used to sport these face cones to protect their delicate melons during snowstorms.


Photos of people in mid sneeze never get old. Even if they were taken way back in 1900.


Your picture in front of the Statue of Liberty during your recent trip to New York is nothing compared to this one of two people posing next to her face as it was unpacked in 1886.


You think bowling alleys always had machines to do the heavy lifting? Nope. These little fellas known as "pin boys" had the job of resetting the pins in 1914.


The oldest selfie we know of - taken in 1839 - is more badass than your selfie will ever be.


In the 1920s, police motorcycles had this comical little holding cell attached to their bike to transport criminals.


Don't act like you don't wish you had a pair of these glasses made for reading in bed in your possession.



Long before we hated our alarm clocks, people probably despised the "knocker-up" - a person whose job it was to wake up clients by tapping on their windows in the early 20th century.


We need to all be very thankful that someone eventually invented sunscreen, otherwise going to the beach would be a nightmare filled with people in these creepy masks from the 1920s.


These might look like glasses from Kanye West's personal wardrobe, but they're actually TV glasses from the early '60s that never really caught on. Can't imagine why.


Even in the 1950s, people knew that dressing up their dogs in human clothes was pure comedic gold. The cat on its lap was a very nice touch, I might add.


I have no clue why this one wheel motorcycle from the 1930s that could reach close to 100mph isn't still around.


All I have to say is, we need to bring back this ice cold whisky dispenser that was common in many places in the 1950s. Even offices.


Who needs a real cat when you could have this Japanese machine from the 1960s? It meows many times per minute in order to scare off rats and probably drive you completely insane.


This 1940 bombing drill in London shows us that we used to dress our children up like Boo from "Monsters, Inc."

 

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Hannah Tointon Comprises Half of a Sexy Sister Act

Kara Tointon: Actress, Model, Dancer and All-Around Babe

17 Celebrities Who Look Like Cartoon Characters

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Have you ever looked at a celebrity and wondered why you felt such a rich connection to them? It's probably not their talents you love, but rather the uncanny resemblance they have to some of your favorite cartoon characters. Here are 17 of our favorite celeb-cartoon doppelgangers.

Bill Murray in "The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou" looks like Papa Smurf
bill murray papa smurf, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Carrot Top looks like Lion-O from "ThunderCats"
lion-o carrot top, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Charlie Sheen looks like Quagmire
charlie sheen quagmire, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Christina Hendricks looks like Jessica Rabbit
christina hendricks jessica rabbit, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Leslie David Baker looks like Cleveland from "Family Guy"
the office stanley cleveland, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Gary Busey looks like Hades from "Hercules"
gary busey hades, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Gary Oldman in "The Dark Knight" looks like Ned Flanders
gary oldman ned flanders, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Joe Paterno looks like Carl from "Up"
joe paterno carl from up, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Larry King looks like Mr. Burns
larry king mr. burns, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Michael Moore looks like Peter Griffin
peter griffin michael moore, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Jon Gries in "Napoleon Dynamite" looks like Bruce from "Family Guy"
jon gries bruce family guy, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Neil Patrick Harris looks like The Riddler
neil patrick harris the riddler, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Paul Giamatti looks like Homer Simpson
paul giamatti homer simpson, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Phil Jackson looks like KFC's Colonel Sanders
phil jackson kfc colonel, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Steve Harvey looks like Mr. Potato Head
mr. potato head steve harvey, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Rihanna looks like Woody Woodpecker
rihanna woody woodpecker, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

Jason Momoa as Khal Drogo on "Game of Thrones" looks like Scar from "The Lion King"
scar khal drogo, celebrity cartoon doppelgangers, celeb cartoon lookalikes

 

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OK, Now I Really Want a Goat

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This is a video of a goat riding on the back of a man riding on a bicycle in Ethiopia. I'm not sure where they are going, but I like to imagine that this chill-ass goat and that dude are best buds and they are going back to his place to hang out and drink beers. Yeah, that's what's up.

 

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