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Fed-Up Father Hurls Rock at $400,000 Speeding Lamborghini

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Sick and tired of those damn idiots in their $400,000 Lamborghinis racing up and down the streets in your neighborhood? Well, have we got a product for you. For a limited time only, you can get a rock like the one shown in this video for just four easy payments of $19.95. Next time those punks come driving up your street all you have to do is hesitantly threaten to throw your rock like this guy in this video and, when they call your bluff, chuck away. Problem solved.

 

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Total Douche Steals Woman's Purse, Tries to Friend Her on Facebook

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Here's a story that is straight out of "The Town." Well, except that it takes place in Washington instead of Boston and the thief never slept with his victim. But other than that, it's straight out of that movie.

According to UPI, Riley Mullins allegedly hit a woman who was sitting in a Washington ferry terminal in her back last Tuesday, stole her purse and iPod, and ran from the scene. He then attempted to friend the woman on Facebook the next day.

The victim didn't recognize the man who robbed her right away but did note that he had a tattoo of a triangle on his neck, which wound up being the same tattoo on the neck of the major tool who tried to friend her on Wednesday.

Local authorities took it from there and arrested Mullins for second-degree robbery.

If you're asking yourself just who in the hell would steal from a woman and then try to become her friend on Facebook, the answer is a guy who also thinks this selfie is a panties dropper:

Washington man robs woman then friends her on Facebook
Too say we're shocked is an understatement. I mean, who still owns an iPod?

Mullins isn't even close to being as cool as this guy: Florida Man Arrested After Bragging About Selling Drugs on Facebook

 

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US Airways Made an Emergency Landing Because a Dog Pooped in the Aisle

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It looks like you can finally blame this one on the dog and not be lying about it.

According to the New York Daily News, a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia had to make an emergency landing in Kansas City last week ... wait for it ... because a dog dropped a deuce in the aisle. Twice.
dog poops in aisle and forces emergency plane landing
US Airways Flight 598 had already been delayed for more than two hours after refueling crews at LAX International Airport dumped fuel all over the tarmac. That was more than likely a factor in Fido dumping his brownies in the aisle.

Passengers of course took to Twitter to bitch about the episode, with some going as far as saying people were dry heaving and becoming nauseous thanks to the stench left behind from the service pooch. But nobody captured #DogShitGate better than Chris Law: Who knows? Maybe Law's grandmother was just jealous the dog only had to poop twice in one day.

Hey, at least this isn't the reason why a human being and a dog had to deplane: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors

 

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Florida Man With Stolen GPS Calls Police When He Gets Lost

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We would like to think that calling the cops with an open warrant for his arrest and a "hot" tech gadget in his possession was Andrew James Joffe's last resort. But after digging up nine previous mugsots of this guy, it's safe to say that making good decisions is something that happens for him about as often as I get laid because I write for Mandatory.
andrew james joffe stolen gps unit called police because he was lost
According to WKMG, Joffe called 911 just a hair shy of 2am last Thursday because he was "lost and being chased by wild hogs."

Local police eventually found Joffe and took him into custody after discovering he had an open warrant for driving with a suspended license. That's when deputies took the time to go through his backpack and discovered he had a stolen GPS unit in his possession, too.

Joffe admitted to stealing the unit from a vehicle, probably because at this point, it's like, "What the hell? I've been arrested like nine other times, so you know I did it."

Some of the other charges on Joffe's "resume" include DUI, retail theft, grand theft, and burglary of a structure or conveyance on at least three different occasions.

If you're looking for a great reason as to why you're not a pathetic loser, check out this clown's amazing ride at Hidden-Past.com.

Although I would rather have a beer with Joffe instead of this Florida man: Florida Man Steals $400 From Girl Scouts Selling Cookies

 

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A Million Ways to Get Turned On by Charlize Theron

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Charlize Theron struts her her stuff with Vogue for their June 2014 cover edition. The beautiful blonde actress hits the white sands of the Florida Keys with a full crew and a few sexy bikinis to shoot the cover of the new summer issue. With a black one-piece and a metallic bikini top, Charlize quickly reminds us about ageless beauty at the bright age of 38, with no signs of slowly down soon. Her new film "A Million Ways to Die in the West," also featuring Seth MacFarlane and Liam Neeson, hit theaters last week. So if you're in the mood for a few good laughs and some sexy Charlize, it'd be in your best interest to hit up the R-rated comedy because it's more like "a million ways to get a boner, starring Charlize Theron," if we're being honest with our movie titles.

 

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Andrea Makes Our Eyeballs Pop Out of Our Heads

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Hungarian beauty Andrea lets us into her most intimate of areas with this behind-the-scenes shoot for Playboy Plus. The newest addition to the Playboy family is the 21-year-old honey blonde babe from a small town with a cute accent. And if that's not enough, she shows us angles of her body we should be paying good money to see. Andrea gets down to her bright white undies in a refreshing shoot where she tells us about herself while bending in all the right ways. If we were lucky enough to be in the same room as Andrea, it'd probably be for the best that everything in it were white. Yeah, we went there. Check out Andrea and you may quickly decide it's time to move to Hungary.

 

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Today's Funniest Photos

The 10 Most Racist Wrestling Gimmicks of All Time

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For every wrestling gimmick like the nWo or Goldust that are both original and entertaining, there are awful gimmicks that are so awful or offensive it's truly shocking that they were approved by a team of writers. Some are just poorly done, but sometimes a gimmick will be created that is so blatantly racist, you'd swear your creepy uncle that's not allowed at your house during holidays came up with it. Here are ten of the most racist wrestling gimmicks of all time.

1. Colonel Parker with Harlem Heat



Colonel Parker was a well-known WCW manager in the '90s and worked with some of the biggest names in the sport including Steve Austin, Terry Funk, Vader, Jeff Jarrett, and Sid Vicious. His persona was that of a deep south take on Elvis' manager, Colonel Tom Parker. It's not incredibly original, but wrestling is known for taking "inspiration" from pop culture. The problem was when someone at WCW thought it would be a good idea to put Colonel Parker as the manager of Harlem Heat. These guys:



How does no one look at a storyline involving a guy that looks like a plantation owner leading two African-American men to the ring? There's a rumor that a scrapped storyline involved Colonel Parker "purchasing" Harlem Heat and leading them to the ring in chains. That's right, modern day slavery. Great angle, guys.

2. Roddy Piper Does A Promo In Blackface
In 1990, Piper was feuding with Bad News Brown, which led to a rivalry match at WrestleMania VI. For some reason the WWF decided to make the focus of the rivalry race, which resulted in some of the most racist segments you've ever seen. The worst of them had to be the one where Roddy Piper painted half of his face black and proceeded to do a horribly racist impression of Bad News Brown while rambling something about sharecroppers and black power.


3. Virgil
I know the 80s were a simpler time, but how did no one mind a storyline about a rich white guy with a poor black servant? The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase would continually humiliate Virgil by making him do the most menial tasks. Even the name Virgil was a joke as Vince McMahon chose it as a shot at Dusty Rhodes, whose real name is Virgil and was a big rival to McMahon at the time. Here's a look at Virgil in....uh action?


4. The Junk Yard Dog
There weren't many African-American wrestlers at the time, or any time for that matter. When a massive superstar emerged, he was given the name the Junkyard Dog and came out with a chain around his neck. Out of all the choices, why would you take one of your few black athletes and put him in chains? Here's a video of him from 1987 crawling around on the ground, wrapped in chains, talking to a dog about how much he likes ham hock bones.


5. DX Does Blackface
A lot of these gimmicks and ideas you may look at and brush off as being in a different time period (sure?) but this one took place in 1998, so there's not much excuse. DX had been feuding with the Nation of Domination, which was basically all the black wrestlers in the WWF thrown together into one group, when DX decided to "parody" the Nation. You can hear Jerry Lawler roaring with laughter through the whole thing as Triple H, X-Pac, and the New Age Outlaws pranced around in blackface. To make it even worse, the WWF didn't hide this monstrosity. They continue to feature it on DVDs and specials. It's unbelievable that no one noticed how racist it was.


6. Tatanka
"Oh he's Native American? I have the perfect gimmick for him!" As soon as Tatanka's music started, everyone associated with Native American culture had to just cringe. He wore feathers, did war cries, painted his face, and carried a hatchet. It was basically a caricature of what a 5th grader thought a Native American should look like.


7. Roddy Piper and Tony Atlas
Oh look it's Roddy Piper again. During one of Piper's recurring segments called Piper's Pit, he brought on guest Tony Atlas, who happened to be Africian-American. Piper then asks Atlas about eating soul food while leads to a conversation about fried chicken and chitterlings. If that's not enough, Piper, who is accompanied by a man in a leather vest and cowboy hat, always a great rival for a black guy, end the segment by yelling out a watermelon joke. It's actually shocking how racist this entire segment turned out.


8. Kamala
What better way to portray people from Uganda than to make an African American wrestler into a craze savage? Kamala would eat live animals and grunt and scream like an animal. Not only did he have a manager, Harvey Whippleman, but he also had a handler to attempt to control him. As a kid I didn't realize it, but looking back now it was insanely offensive. Here's a video of him from 1992 in full form making white kids in the crowd openly weep.


9. Muhammad Hassan
Oh boy. In a post-9/11 world you'd think the gimmick of having a terroristic-like storyline in wrestling would be an obvious thing to avoid. Not in the WWE. After the Undertaker had won a match, Hussan came out and started praying. This was after protests by Muslims to get him to stop thanking Allah in his interviews and after matches. After he finished praying, five figures disguising their identity ran out and attacked The Undertaker. If that wasn't bad enough, it took place the day after a terror attack in London where a bomb had been set off by terrorists. Hassan was soon released from the company and the storyline was wisely put to rest. Here's the full segment:


10. Cryme Tyme
I don't know whose idea Cryme Tyme was, but it seriously feels like a comedy sketch showing how a racist, old white guy would perceive black men. Everything from the video quality to the cringe-worthy voiceover on the segment is absolutely unreal. The only way it would make sense is if it ended with a credit that said written by Donald Sterling.

 

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Bill Murray's (More and More Ridiculous) Outfits On Letterman Through The Years

10 Solo Adventures Every Man Should Go On

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It's easy to travel with friends to places you've never been, but it's quite another thing to have the audacity to board trains, planes and automobiles en route to a solo adventure. Every man should take at least one in his lifetime - if not way more often - so stamp that passport, put a little gas in the tank or just start walking. Htrain ride through country, amtrak trainowever you need to do it, just get going before you're too old and bloated.

Trains for Days
Nothing is more old fashioned than hopping on a train and letting it take you down the tracks, passing by cities you've never seen and nipping through unmarked territories you could never drive through, waking with the sun and sleeping under the stars, all with the warmth of home and some guy passed out with his head on your shoulder while you try to read in the dim light. The Amtrak express, the Coast Starlight or any of its other multiple metropolis trips, can take you for a couple days on one train alone, whether up the west coast or across the chest of America, anywhere you want to go. Buy a 15-day pass and hop on and off as you like, seeing as much as you can and documenting the inspiring parts of your travels, along with the photos of girls you take when you pretend you're taking photos of the tall buildings behind them. Hell, make it a 30-day pass.

Backpacking National Parks
There are enough parks in the country to go around and hardly enough time to see them all, but you can sure as heck try. Packing up your granola bars and camping gear, setting a compass for your next heading and meeting new mates in passing along your trail seems like a good way to see the best sights without any need for phones or the Internet. Start with Yosemite, Yellowstone or Glacier National Parks and you should be hooked on Mother Nature's bosom like a hungry baby in no time.

Surfing the Coast
Go classic and pack up the summer ride for a cruise on up the coast, stopping when and where you like while paddling out at each stop. Take the moments in between your hopefully safe treks insurfer, surfing huntington beachto the salty abyss to take photographs and jot down thoughts on your surroundings. Places like Big Sur, Santa Barbara, Venice and Carlsbad are all California stops you can make. There's any number of incredible surf spots around the world, too, like in Indonesia, South Africa and Central America.

The coffee table book The California Surf Project documents the very idea of going from point A to point B with several letters in between the two, containing photographs and writings of all the surf, sights and surroundings. It couldn't hurt to make your own.

Diner Diving
Not to be confused with dumpster diving, which is also a real rush in the morning, going on a bit of a diner marathon can be a real experience for breakfast enthusiasts who have a hard-on for the mornings and are open to trying new things. That sounded misleading, but let's go with it. The point is to experience as much as you can in the realm of renowned diners, and if you live in big cities like New York, Chicago or Los Angeles, you could go on a diner diving bender for months, trying new spots all the time without ever going to the same one twice or having to leave town. Maybe you'll stumble on some of the best damn bacon and eggs a man could ever imagine, your very own inner Ron Swanson manifesting itself into a burly mustache and disdain for local government.

Photographing the Forests
There's a reason that magical mythological characters come from the forests; it's because it's a unique place where its stillness is unbreakable and its silence is golden. If you're a photography junkie, take the time to visit some of the best natural forests around the country, definitely hitting the upper northwest of America, starting with the Redwoods and trying out places in Oregon and Montana. If you can't get a good picture of these, you might want to trade your nice camera in for an iPhone and start taking cheap photos like the rest of us, but at least you'll get to share your subpar version of an immaculate experience with everyone online that you haven't seen in a decade. And who knows, maybe you'll find that forest fairy you've been dreaming about every night while you squeeze your pillow. Or maybe a hungry bear. Travel safely.

Biking Smaller Cities
Though we'd like to suggest cliff jumping and sky diving as solo adventures, we cannot very well do it in good conscience and sleep at night, so how about trying a stroll around unlikely cityscabike trail, bike pathpes without plummeting to your demise instead? You can miss all the smells, nooks and hideouts when you ride in cars and cabs around new places, but when you go the extra distance on a two-wheeler, you can more easily immerse yourself into the culture of a city. Smaller metropolitan areas like Portland, Austin and Nashville are currently the hippest spots to set up shop, but if you're alone there for only a short bit, biking the terrain is your best bet at getting to know the city. No record store, taco stand or hipster donut stop will go untouched if you play right in the smaller cities. And if you hate bikes (or don't remember how to ride), saunter the unlikely streets like you're Juan Valdez and get yourself a nice cup of coffee at the local cafes.

Boating to Borealis
Chasing the Northern Lights may seem like either a stoner backpacker's daydream or an elderly man's dying wish, but it's not so crazy when you consider how easy it can be. Sequestered in a lightless land - the closest in the states is Alaska - the elusive Aurora Borealis is not a definite sighting, which makes it that much more exciting than your average sunset. But when it does rain down, it's a shower of greens, reds and yellows. Anybody who's witnessed it will say it's a prettier sight than cats dancing in the moonlight, so rent a secluded spot or take a cruise up through the landscape for a great escape, most likely in early September for the best chance to see the luminous masterpiece.

Cabins and Campfires
As good as any group trip can be for getting away, isolation is sometimes the best prescription for finding a little clarity, and since most of us are too afraid of the dark to go into a blackened seman at log cabin, man hiking to cabinnsory deprivation chamber, a good solo adventure into a cabin can clear out the cobwebs and give focus back to man's origin - nature - and his need to chop wood and bathe in lakes. The only warmth you need are blankets and fire, but you can get a lot of work done in the comfort of a simplistic place without the distractions of the modern world. You have a book you want to write? A stamp collection that needs organizing? An animal you want to kill, skin and cook for yourself? Have at it. Nature is your friend, and living a brief period alone is good for a man, especially when he can be alone to quietly organize his thoughts. Just don't go for months and starve to death.

Island Hopping
Mother said to never go far without using the buddy system, but mother also never understood what was cool. Well, we know all about cool, and there's nothing cooler than grabbing your passport and heading for a short trip amongst a bunch of islands where you can hop, puddle jump and ferry your way around. Places like the Phillipines, Thailand and Manila just above Australia are popular island hopping spots, but if you want to keep it close to home, it can be as simple as taking a solo trip to Hawaii. These places, even places as close as Hawaii, offer a different type of culture that take focus away from a money-hungry society and place more importance on ego-free, humble living. Being in an urban area of America can brainwash a guy after a long enough time until he's solely focused on work, forgetting what's important. So take a few days, break your routine and experience a little quiet culture amongst some water-friendly places. Rent a snorkel, drink tequila and wake up in some strange family's home, because you only live once, or so they say.

Flying on Whims
If all else fails and you're feeling a bit indecisive, the only thing you can do is close your eyes and blindly choose a destination that will be an adventure in itself. A city you've never been, a place you want to know more about, or better yet a spot you never thought you'd ever go or want to go to and see if you can change your mind and find things about it you admire. Just don't close your eyes before driving to the airport. Hospitals may be an adventure in themselves, but there are some solo adventures better left avoided.

Whatever you do, do it with an open mind, and you might just find yourself on solo adventures more often from then on.

 

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These Creepy Japanese Urban Legends Will Keep You Up at Night

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If you've ever seen a Japanese horror film, you know that they are infinitely more terrifying than anything that has ever been made in the states. This creative and twisted imagination is probably due to stories passed down from generation to generation. We guarantee each one of these Japanese urban legends with have you clutching your sheets just a little too tightly tonight.

All write ups and images come courtesy of this Imgur post.

1. Kushisake Onna/The Woman with a Split Mouth

Her name means "the woman with a split mouth." If you are going somewhere late at night by yourself, she may jump out at the corner of the street. You can't run away from her because she can teleport herself in front of you. She is wearing a surgical mask and a trench coat. The woman will ask you, "Am I pretty?" If you say no, she will chop your head off with a big ass pair of scissors. If your answer is yes, the woman pulls away the mask, revealing that her mouth is slit from ear to ear, and asks, "How about now?" If your answer is no, you will be cut in half. If you say yes, then she will slit your mouth like hers.

2. Hitobashira/Pillars Made of Humans

Hitobashira or "Human PIllars" in English. In ancient Japan, people believed that sealing human being in the construction would make it stronger and stable. By sealing people in the pillars and in the walls they make sacrifices to gods and if the gods are pleased the construction lasts longer. Buildings with human pillars are told to be haunted by the ones sealed in the walls.

3. Teke Teke/The Half Woman

"Teke teke teke" is the sound this creature makes while moving (with its elbows). She was once a nice lady who fell in the path (or jumped - there are different versions) in a subway station. She was cut in half by the train but her anger and grudge was so intense that her torso is still looking for vengeance. Despite the lack of legs, she can move very fast and if you are unlucky enough to get caught she will cut you in half with a scythe she produces.

4. Aka Manto/The Toilet Spirit

Aka Manto means red cape/cloak. It's basically an evil spirit haunting the toilets. It will appear when you sit on the toilet and there is no paper. It asks, "Do you want red paper or blue paper?" (Red cape/blue cape in some versions.) If you take the red paper, you will be cut into pieces. If you take the blue paper, you will be strangled. According to some other versions, if you choose the red paper your skin will be ripped off, and if you choose blue paper, all your blood will be drained out from your body.

5. Tomino's Hell/The Cursed Poem

"Tomino's Hell" is a cursed poem that kills people who read it out loud. If you are lucky you won't die, but shit will happen anyway. "Tomino's Hell" was written by Yomota Inuhiko in a book called "The Heart Is Like a Rolling Stone" and was included in Saizo Yaso's 27th collection of poems in 1919. The poem is about a Tomino who dies and falls to hell.

6. Cow Head

Cow head is a scary story which can make you die from fright. One day during a school trip which involved bus travel, the teacher started to tell scary stories to entertain the students. When he started to tell a story called "Cow Head," all the students started to scream and beg him to stop but the teacher was in some sort of trance and couldn't. When he recovered, the bus driver and the students had fainted and were foaming at the mouth. Some of them couldn't stop sweating and shivering and died a few days after.

7. Okiku Doll/The Doll with the Growing Hair

Okiku Doll is a doll wearing a kimono. It once belonged to a little girl, Okiku. Once she died of a cold, her spirit possessed the doll. and now its hair grows. The doll is now in the Mannenji temple. First, its hair was short but it grew over time and it now has long hair. Nobody knows how the hair continues to grow but scientific researches concluded that its hair is that of a young child, maybe Okiku's.

All write ups and images come courtesy of this Imgur post.

 

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Plane Narrowly Avoids Landing on Sunbather

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Wow. Talk about your close calls. A man enjoying the beach in Germany almost had his vacation - as well as his life - cut short when a pilot lost control of his plane and came in a little too early for a landing. The pilot barely misses the sunbather before crashing through a fence and finally ending up on the runway.

After the mishap, the pilot was quoted as saying, "It wasn't one of my greatest achievements in the cockpit." Well, no sh**!

 

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Harry Caray Spent 288 Consecutive Days in Bars in 1972

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Um, holy cow!

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, legendary broadcaster Harry Caray's liver put in just a tad of overtime in 1972.
harry caray 288 consecutive days drinking, harry caray
The CEO of the Harry Caray restaurant chain Grant DePorter inherited four boxes of memorabilia left behind by Caray after he passed away in 1998, boxes that contained Caray's "Day Book" among other things like World Series tickets and cashed checks.

In that Day Book, Caray kept a detailed record of his drinking expenses in 1972 when he was still calling games for the Chicago White Sox. According to that diary, Caray spent 288 consecutive days boozing in joints from the old-time bars of Chicago to wherever the White Sox road schedule took him with guys like Wilt Chamberlain and Gale Sayers.

The streak began on January 17 and ran through November 3, but the gang at Deadspin wisely pointed out that his entry on January 16 just read "Super," an obvious reference to Super Bowl VI. So, unless you're some clown who thinks a guy who drank for 288 consecutive days was able to watch the big game completely sober, the streak was probably well over 300 consecutive days.

The only blank entry in Caray's diary was November 6, and it appropriately ends with Caray taking a vacation in Acapulco. But we're pretty sure his liver was still on the clock.

It's a miracle this never happened to him: The Best Pictures of Drunk People Passed Out in Public

 

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Chinese Man Allegedly Trapped in South Korea Because His Kid Drew All Over His Passport

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All of a sudden, denying your kid that 59-cent coloring book at the South Korean equivalent to 7-Eleven seems like a horrible idea.

According to UPROXX, a Chinese father is trapped in South Korea thanks to his child doodling over the most important page of his passport.

chinese father trapped in south korea passport drawing
The picture of his "updated" passport was initially uploaded to the website Weibo by the father, known only as Chen, along with a "plea for help."

Of course, usually when something as hysterical - well, hysterical for everybody but Chen - as this occurs, it's too good to be true. And while it hasn't been proven to be a hoax just yet, there are many who have offered evidence to debunk the story.

One person claims the ink is too consistent throughout, meaning it could have been done digitally. Another argues that since Chinese passports are made with a thin gloss, at least some of the ink should have smeared.

Either way, it's a great reminder to leave your kids at home the next time you travel to a foreign country.

If the story is true, I think this would be an appropriate punishment: Father of the Year Nails Kid in the Face with Soccer Ball

 

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A Timeline of Every Customer Service Phone Call You've Ever Been On

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We've all had this miserable experience. You're sitting there, minding your own business, and your cable goes out. Or your Internet stops working. Or your phone bill is incorrect. You know what's next and the dread starts to build. It's time to call the giant company responsible for this terrible service and you're in line for a 45 minute "conversation" full of frustration, anger and the worst elevator music on the planet. Here's a timeline of every customer service phone call you've ever been on. Thank you and please hold.

customer service phone calls suck

 

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Florida Man Calls 911 After Wife Throws Out Beer

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Let's be honest: If it would have been a sixer of Blue Moon, then it might have been an emergency.

According to WPBF, a man in West Palm Beach called 911 seven times during a span of four hours on Sunday night to report that his wife had "thrown out his beer."
bueno mir calls 911 after wife throws out beer
After Bueno Mir made his first "emergency" call, responding officers instructed him that his wife throwing out his beer was not an emergency and advised him not to call 911 again unless he had an actual emergency.

That didn't stop Mir from making another call shortly thereafter and five more after that. He became uncooperative and began yelling that a woman outside had "broken into two of his beers."

Officers finally had enough and arrested Mir on charges of misuse of the 911 emergency system for making a false alarm or complaint or reporting false information.

It's unknown what kind of beer Mir's wife allegedly broke into, but this sounds like either a Natty Light or Red Dog kind of story.

Is anybody in Florida using 911 for actual emergencies? Florida Woman Calls 911 For Sex

 

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Today's Funny Photos

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