October 29, 2012, 11:54 pm
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As someone who relies pretty heavily on microwavable dinners, I know what it's like to have a meal that doesn't look appetizing. Here are a few meals that suck you in with the packaging, and disappoint with the final product.
You never really expect microwaved lasagna to look great. But you also don't expect it to look like garbage water, either.
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"Fiesta is right! NOW it's a party!"
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Those bowels are delicious. (That wasn't a typo.)
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If you want the truth, I'd still eat that.
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"No, thank you. I'm allergic to ... all of it."
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Someone should put Scooby down.
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"Hey Bill, I need a good word for the box. You got anything? 'Savory'? Oh that's perfect, they'll buy that."
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"This looks like what a child would draw in a picture of their family eating spaghetti."
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Gray is a type of burrito ingredient, right?
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I will eat almost any nachos. Almost.
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Let's face it, this is just a block of hardened corn syrup, isn't it?
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"I've got to say, even the brownie looks disgusting."
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"I didn't order soup."
"It's not soup."
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"This looks like something Oscar Mayer wouldn't even produce."
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"Just like Grandma's old recipe ..."
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I blame the buyer on this. Just make your own sandwich.
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"Is this baby bird food?"
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"Mom, can you do the shopping again?"
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"They ate half of my corn before putting it in the box!"
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This pizza almost looks like a pizza.
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"I don't care how 'authentic' you think this is, this is bad Italian food!"
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"I'll just eat this in the bathroom to save time."
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"Is it ... is it still breathing?"
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"Damn elves make it look SO easy."
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"I don't know what 'taste' they are talking about, but I don't taste chicken, broccoli, rice or cheddar."
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"Can't we just get Subway or something?"
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"I think we've learned today that we don't buy microwavable fish."
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Just looking at this Weight Watcher microwavable dinner is enough to kickstart any diet.
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October 29, 2012, 11:58 pm
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Each day we go out into the Internet, no matter what the conditions and bring back a bucket full of funny photos. If you still have power, you should probably waste your final fleeting moments with our hilarious photo gallery.
If you don't have power, well, you're probably not reading this.
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Mother Nature must be huge fans of America.
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Trampolines are one of the most dangerous toys for children. Trampolines in telephone wires are probably even more dangerous.
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When you have no context, this conjures up a pretty epic picture.
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More kids should work in hardware stores.
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If you have a cat, you know how annoyingly true this is.
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The Gummi Bear Study Plan could change the face of our education system overnight.
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This is what happens when costume stores don't get the rights to pop culture costumes.
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Have any meteorologists looked into this?
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The police should put a stop to this scam...right after I check it out to make sure it's real.
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If this picture was any more '90s, it would be in Wayne's World.
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I don't see what's funny about this.
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Next: More Hilarious Photos
I can see the cons of putting your vagina on your tombstone. Still trying to figure out the pros.
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October 29, 2012, 11:59 pm
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Fatcat125/Wikimedia/Public Domain
1 of 10
The election is almost upon us, and candidates all over the nation are hustling for our vote. One of the most common ways to win the hearts of Americans is by associating yourself with something they already know and like - a song, for example, or a famous person. Sometimes this works, but other times it can backfire pretty hard. Here's a quick rundown of ten times when a politician has tried to use a celebrity for political gain only to get shot down in flames.
Sarah Palin and Heart, 2008
The selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate was controversial, but it sure did give pundits a lot to talk about. The Alaska Governor had a lot of nicknames, but one of the most enduring was "Barracuda." So it made sense for the Republicans to use the classic Heart song by the same name to introduce her after her nomination at the Republican National Convention, right? Nancy Wilson of Heart didn't think so, composing a scathing response to the party that stated that Palin in no way represented their beliefs and demanding that she never use the song at a public appearance again.
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Penner/flickr/Public Domain
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Paul Ryan and Rage Against The Machine, 2012
Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan is a mystifying guy - it's hard to figure out what's going on inside his head. Beyond all of the fibs about marathon running and his body fat percentage, one of the strangest contradictions in Ryan-world is his love of Rage Against The Machine. The legendary 90s band takes a political stance in opposition to just about everything the Wisconsin congressman believes in, and guitarist Tom Morello took the time to write a vicious takedown in Rolling Stone. The gist? Paul Ryan is The Machine.
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bella lago/flickr/Public Domain
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John McCain and Van Halen, 2008
John McCain's 2008 Presidential campaign was rife with musicians getting pissed at his party for unauthorized song use. One of the most notable was classic hair metal band Van Halen, who erupted after McCain used their 90s hit "Right Now" to close a campaign rally, but McCain also had run-ins with myriad other artists, including Jackson Browne, Abba, the Foo Fighters and Bruce Springsteen, all of whom requested the Arizona Senator keep his hands off of their music for political gain.
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Beao/Wikimedia/Public Domain
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Ronald Reagan and Bruce Springsteen, 1984
One of the most legendary political fails of all time came during Ronald Reagan's 1984 campaign. At a stump speech in New Jersey, the Gipper referenced the "message of hope" in the songs of the state's favorite son, Bruce Springsteen. Ronnie was referring, of course, to "Born in the U.S.A," which is in reality a lament on how America was going down the crapper. Bruce was so baffled that somebody would misinterpret the song so badly that he decided to only play it acoustic from that point forward so people would actually listen to the lyrics.
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Getty Images/Public Domain
5 of 10
Michelle Bachmann and Katrina & The Waves
Of all the political also-rans that have popped up on the landscape recently, none are quite as terrifying to liberals as Michelle Bachmann. The Minnesota Congresswoman brings a Tea Party mindset to legislating, working against equal rights for gays, against Obamacare and against financial regulation. But it was her quixotic Presidential run in 2011 that got her on this list. At several campaign stops, Bachmann's party used "Walking On Sunshine," the classic feel-good 1985 hit by Katrina & The Waves, to pump the crowd up. The band's singer, Katrina Leskanich, fired back, stating that she doesn't endorse the song's usage, saying that it's her job to defend it against situations that might tarnish its message.
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Emmanuel d'Aubignosc/Wikimedia and Marco Maas/flickr
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Bryan Adams and David Duke, 1991
The general argument that most musicians have when they come after celebrities for using their songs without permission is that they fear that people will associate the music with the candidate's beliefs. Never has that been more apparent than when Louisiana gubernatorial candidate David Duke used Canadian soft-rocker Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" as the soundtrack for his 1991 run. If you weren't paying attention back then, Duke was formerly best known as the Grand Wizard of the KKK. Not the kind of personality you want record buyers thinking about. Adams got an injunction against Duke using his song and even petitioned to have it kept off Louisiana radio in toto until the election was over.
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Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia/Public Domain
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Mike Huckabee and Boston, 2008
This is a particularly sad one, because perennial also-ran Huckabee tried to go the extra mile when he used Boston's AOR anthem "More Than A Feeling" as a campaign song during the 2008 primaries. In addition to blasting the syrupy song over the loudspeakers, Huck actually picked up his bass guitar and jammed out a version of the song along with one-time Boston guitarist Barry Goudreau. Huckabee even introduced him to crowds as "the guy who originally did it." Only one problem here: Tom Scholz wrote and performed every guitar track on that song, and Goudreau had nothing to do with it. Needless to say, angry words were exchanged and Huckabee had to drop his performance.
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ViVr/Wikimedia/Public Domain
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George W. Bush and the Dixie Chicks, 2003
Country musicians have typically tacked towards the Republican end of the spectrum, but Texas trio the Dixie Chicks bucked that trend in 2003 and paid for it. After the Bush administration announced that we were going to war in Iraq based on fraudulent intelligence, singer Natalie Maines stated on-stage in London that she was ashamed that the President was from Texas. This is one of the few entries on this list where things worked out better for the politician - Bush was re-elected for a second term and radio stations throughout the South dropped the band from their playlists.
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Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia
9 of 10
Mitt Romney and Peter Berg, 2012
Coming up with a good political slogan is a tough task. Campaigns pay writers big bucks to coin phrases that are instantly catchy and memorable. Or sometimes they just steal them, as was the case when Mitt Romney red-handedly appropriated "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose" from Peter Berg's TV series Friday Night Lights. The campaign thought they could get away with it until Berg wrote a scathing letter comparing Mitt to the show's Buddy Garrity, a sleazy car salesman who turned his back on American car manufacturers to sell product from Japan instead. Well played, Berg. Romney didn't listen, instead doubling down on his unauthorized use of the slogan.
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Igor Mukhin/Wikimedia and kremlin.ru/Wikimedia
10 of 10
Next: Halloween Costume Fails
Vladimir Putin and Pussy Riot, 2012
Russia may no longer be the evil empire, but they still have some problems with civil liberties. President Vladimir Putin has become the face of the corrupt oligarchy, and the nation's young people aren't standing for it. But it took a masked all-girl punk band to really put the heat on. When Pussy Riot strapped on their guitars at an anti-Kremlin demonstration in February and got arrested, hipsters around the world finally took notice. The resultant public outcry has severely blemished Putin's international reputation as. Yes, two of the members of the band did get the bad end of the bargain, being shipped off to Russia's worst prisons to serve sentences, but they sure got their licks in.
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October 30, 2012, 1:14 am
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Ever find yourself staring a little too hard at a stranger because you swear you know them from somewhere? Well in the case of this gallery, it's because these strangers all eerily resemble a person you've seen on either the big screen or the small screen.
Superbad
Take these guys for example, they sure do look like the underaged booze buying, sex crazed Seth, Evan, and McLovin from "Superbad".
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South Park
Word of advice: if you're fat, don't wear any kind of clothing that will make you look exactly like a real live version of Cartman from "South Park".
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Super Mario Bros.
Looks like Mario and Luigi have eaten one too many mushrooms.
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Morgan Freeman in Every Movie Ever
When Morgan Freeman isn't playing God or the President in every single movie ever made, he apparently oversees elementary school assemblies.
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Dora the Explorer
Dora the Explorer doesn't look like she gets much exploring done when her mother has a grip on her.
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Popeye
This is both impressive and incredibly terrifying.
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Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Carmen Sandiego isn't as difficult to find as everyone seems to think.
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Captain America
Perfect. Now just put on 20 pounds of solid muscle and you're there!
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The Hangover
Grow a beard like that and you'd better expect that people are gonna snap shots of you to send to their friends telling them they saw Alan from "The Hangover", sans Baby Carlos of course.
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Next: Real People Who Look Like Cartoon Characters
Back to the Future
This has got to be the real Marty McFly from "Back to the Future" since the only acceptable answer to why he's wearing that vest in the present day is that he just arrived from the past in a time traveling DeLorean.
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October 30, 2012, 6:33 am
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
1 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
2 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
3 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
4 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
5 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
6 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
7 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
8 of 9
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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Photography/SlickforceStudio
9 of 9
Next: More Melanie Iglesias
Jennifer Zharinova, also known as Jennifer Hall, is a sexy brunette model and actress who is popular for her appearances in Import Tuner Magazine. She was even the cover girl for them earlier this year. Zharinova grew up on a small ranch in California and has been modeling for almost ten years. She has recently broken into acting, as well, landing small roles in the films "Ocean's 13" and "Date Night." Despite growing up a rancher's daughter, Jennifer claims she was quite the troublemaker, and often got mixed up with the wrong people, including a pothead she went on a date with who pulled a gun on her and wound up getting killed later in the night. Yikes. Let's hope she avoids situations like that from now on and continues to grace the pages of our car and truck magazines.
For more, visit Jennifer Zharinova's website.
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October 30, 2012, 12:40 pm
Word on the street is, if you do something bad, karma will eventually come back to get you. The problem is, you never really know when it's going to happen. It could be in two days or it could be in six years. Or, in the case of this gentleman who tries to swipe a stranger's hat while riding his bike, it could be in a split second. The moral of the story: don't be an asshole.
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October 30, 2012, 2:35 pm
![asian newscaster ages a lot in three years, asian new report gets old fast,]()
This guy either takes his job more seriously than he takes his life...or he has some sort of disease that has made him age 30 years in three. Let's hope it's neither and he's just going for the distinguished reporter who exudes gray-haired gravitas.
via Reddit
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October 30, 2012, 5:01 pm
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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Zombies - so hot right now! No subject is as popular and terrifying at the same time as zombies. Arianny Celeste captures the essence of this in a super sexy and scary photo shoot just in time for Halloween. Don't worry, no Arianny Celestes were actually harmed in the process. For more, check out this behind-the-scenes video and visit the official store of Arianny Celeste.
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October 30, 2012, 5:02 pm
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October 30, 2012, 10:27 pm
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The face plant is a rite of passage for a young child. As a young man, my face hit the dirt (and the pavement) (and the stairs) (and the grass) more times than I could count. So to celebrate those special moments, here's a collection of kid's doing their best face plants.
No children were (seriously) injured in any of these photos.
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It's the balloon that really makes this memorable.
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I wonder if landing in hay helped at all.
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Well, at least he's safe.
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Some people like body surfing, others like face surfing.
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I'd give that a perfect 10.
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If you're going to face plant, might as well do into a nice, soft pile of mud.
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Something tells me the slip n slide wasn't ready yet.
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That's no way to get the girl.
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It's as easy as riding a bike.
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The reverse face plant is rare and precious thing.
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I'm not sure if he qualifies as a kid, but he's going in this gallery anyway.
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The best face plants are when there's no rhyme or reason to them. Just a kid in the middle of a park who decides now would be a good time to drive my face into the ground.
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Face plants are always better when you can share them with a friend.
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Looks like you're gonna need a bigger pool.
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October 30, 2012, 10:43 pm
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By Mike Olson
Some of the loftiest records in sports are held by some of the most forgettable players. Here's a rundown of exclusive records that are held by both household names and one-hit wonders alike.
Three Home Runs in One World Series Game
The sultan of Swat, Mr. October, El Hombre...Kung Fu Panda? When he hit three home runs in Game of this season's World Series, Pablo Sandoval - yes, the man named after a cartoon bear voiced by Jack Black - joined all-timers Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson and Albert Pujols as the only men to accomplish the feat. Even more impressive, Sondavoal's first two long balls came against Justin Verlander, who - in keeping with the tradition of nicknames that grow more outdated by the second - shall herby be known as Wreck-It Ralph.
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Grant Halverson/Getty Images
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Most Consecutive 400-yard Passing Games
The list of players who have tallied two consecutive 400-yard passing games reas like a who's who of former and current NFL stars: Dan Fouts, Dan Marino, Phil Simms, Tom Brady. And then come the outliers. Take Cam Newton. (Actually, any team willing to offer the Panthers some draft picks probably can.) Or Matt Cassel, who just four years after accomplishing the feat is now best known for inspiring a rabid cheer in Arrowhead when he suffered a game-ending injury. Still, both QBs have a leg up on Billy Volek, the not-so-remembered Titan who did it in 2004. He was last seen being cut by the Chargers in March.
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Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
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Players to Lead the League in Assists and Steals
Chris Paul is the premiere point guard in the NBA, a player who's tenacious defense, superior court vision and freakish will to win draw easy comparisons to the legendary John Stockton. It makes sense they'd be paired, because they're also two of the five players ever to lead the league in assists and steals in a season. The three other immortals: Don "Slick" Watts (1975-76), Don Buse (1976-77) and Michael Ray Richardson (1979-80). But CP3 and John "I Was Too White To Get A Nickname" Stockton have one advantage: they've each done it twice.
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Ron Turenne/NBAE via Getty Images
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Most Three-Pointers in a Game
Talk about the butterfly effect. Donyell Marshall didn't just tie Springfield-bound Kobe Bryant when he sank 12 three-point field goals in a game for the Raptors on March 13, 2005. The epic showing also convinced Cavs GM Danny Ferry that Marshall was just the type of player who could help youngster LeBron James bring a championship to Ohio. By the time Marshall's four-year deal in Cleveland was expiring, the overweight forward spent his games growing roots beyond the arc, Ferry was on the unemployment line and LeBron was dreaming of taking his talents to South Beach.
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Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images
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Most Consecutive Games with 5+ TD passes
One of them is a born winner with a supermodel on his arm and, presumably, a complete collection of man Uggs in his closet. The other was last seen overthrowing wide receivers for the Sacramento Mountain Lions. Still, Tom Brady (2007) and Daunte Culpepper (2004) remain the only two quarterbacks in NFL history to have thrown five or more touchdown passes in two straight contests. Culpepper would go on to toss 39 TDs that season and lead the league with 4,717 yards. Bitter fantasy owners remember the rest: Culpepper opened '05 with no touchdowns, eight interceptions and a nearly infinite number of fantasy drafts ruined before suffering a season-ending knee injury in Week 7.
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Focus on Sport/Getty Images
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Most Games with a Perfect Passer Rating
No one knows how the hell to calculate it or even what it means, but 158.3 - the number that significes a perfect passer rating - remains one of the NFL's most daunting benchmarks. It's also elusive, because only two quarterbacks have accomplished the feat four times in a career. One, Peyton Manning, has been an all-time great for a decade. The other, Craig Morton, did it despite retiring in 1981 with a lifetime QB rating of just 73.5. Still, Morton is a member of one club Peyton would to join: the Broncos Ring of Fame.
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Photo Reproduction by Transcendental Graphics/Getty Images
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Most Wins in a Season
Lefty Grove has a plaque in Cooperstown and Denny McLain was a two-time Cy Young Award winner and one-time AL MVP. Then there's Jim Bagby Sr., a household name (in the Bagby household, anyway) who is the third in the trio of pitchers to 31 games in the live ball era. Bagby accomplished the feat as a member of the 1920 Indians (having Tris Speaker on his team probably helped), but the righty would wrap up his career with just 127 W's under his belt. But Bill James and Rob Neyer rank his screwball the ninth best in history. So there's that.
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George Rose/Getty Images
8 of 10
Most 300-Yard Games in a Season
Considering he's leading the NFL in rushing mere months after shredding his knee in the final game of 2011, it's no surprise that Adrian Peterson is one of only three players to gain 300 yards in a game in the same season. The co-owners of the record, however, raise an eyebrow (or just inspire a quick Google search): Lionel "Little Train" James, a 5'6" running back best known as Bo Jackson's partner in the Auburn backfield, and Jacoby Ford, a kickoff return man who's blinding speed made up for a just-as-blinding lack of actual skill.
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Ken Levine/Getty Images
9 of 10
Most Points in One Playoff Game
It's hard to snicker at the workmanlike career of Patrik Sundstrom, the Swede who grinded out 219 goals in his 10-year NHL career. Still, we're not so sure he deserves a place in the record books with Mario Lemieux (who, for the record, scored 690 career goals). But there Patrik sits as one of the two players in league history who have scored eight points in one playoff game. Even nuttier, Sundstorm beat Super Mario to the accomplishment by 368 days. Lemiuex was seen handling this indignity by being filthy rich and owning the Pittsburgh Penguins.
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Steve Babineau/NHLI via Getty Images
10 of 10
Next: Unintentionally Raunchy Photos
Most Assists in One Game
On the magical night of March 16, 1947 Billy Taylor, the Red Wings 5'9" center, dished out seven assists in one game. It was a record-setting showing that so impressed the Detroit dront office that Taylor was promptly traded to the Bruins in the off-season. Taylor would stand atop the leaderboard until 1980, when a feather-haired dynamo by the name of Wayne Gretzky would become the second player to accomplish the feat. But the Great One does have a leg up on Taylor - and we're not talking about the gams on Janet Jones. He accomplished the feat three times.
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October 31, 2012, 12:10 am
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Marlins Will Soar
The San Francisco Giants just won the World Series, so undoubtedly there is some dope out there writing a song about them in hopes that it will become a beloved anthem. More likely than not, though, it will be terrible, like all songs about sports teams are. Want some proof? Listen to this song from Creed frontman Scott Stapp, about his favorite baseball team the Miami Marlins. In between lyrics about common baseball plays (strikeouts and base hits) and rare occurrences (a perfect game and a triple play), he believes they will soar. If this song is any indication, they will not. Then, click ahead for the 10 worst sports team songs of all time.
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Only the Bulls
In the 1990s, Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls took over the NBA and created a dynasty that won six championships. So of course, a song had to be made to capitalize on all their success. That song was called "Only the Bulls," a mix of awful electro-pop, horns, chanting and groovy mouth sounds. Many questions are asked in the song, and to nobody's surprise the answer every time is "Only the Bulls."
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Go NY Go
In 1994, the New York Knicks decided it was their turn. Not their turn to win a championship, because they failed to do that, but to make a terrible music video featuring players and fans lip-syncing "Go New York, Go New York, Go!" The lyrics of the song sound like they are rapped by a very poor man's Vanilla Ice.
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Ram It
Everyone knows about "The Super Bowl Shuffle," the rap song that the 1985 Chicago Bears recorded for charity on their way to winning the Super Bowl. It was bad, but because it was the first of its kind, it was super popular and had huge commercial success. So, many other NFL teams of the 1980s tried to mimic it, and the results were hilariously bad. The most ridiculous is probably the L.A. Rams "Ram It," which features so much sexual innuendo and suggestive dancing that it could be considered soft core sports porn.
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The Blue Wave is on a Roll
This one is bizarre, but you have to admire the Seattle Seahawks for not simply ripping off "The Super Bowl Shuffle." Instead, they go with some old-timey "Yakety Sax" music mixed with rock 'n' roll and have various players and elderly women fans say, "the Blue Wave is on a roll!" Oh, and there are also some gratuitous shots of shirtless players lifting weights. Score!
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Silver and Black Attack
Ahh, this is more like it. This 1986 music video from the L.A. Raiders gathers the whole team onto one stage and lets them take turns on the mic, rapping about who they are and what they do, all while swaying and dancing awkwardly together. It's absurdly long, but it says we better listen to what they say, so don't stop short!
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Buddy's Watchin' You
This is perhaps the most cringe-worthy of the bunch, not only because of how terrible it is, but because of the clothes they are all wearing. The backup singers are pretty soulful, but they can't cover up the ridiculous lyrics of both Reggie White and kicker Luis Zendejas (1:03 mark), who finishes his lines about ten seconds faster that he's supposed to.
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Team of the '80s
The funky style of this team song sounds a lot like the TV theme of hit '90s show "Home Improvement." Several of the 49ers players strike goofy TV sitcom-like poses, as well, so maybe they were ahead of their time. Our favorite star of this song, though, is the riled up Doug DuBose, who steals the show at the 1:43 mark.
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Get Metsmerized!
Yep, even baseball teams in the '80s got in on the action, with the 1986 New York Mets leading the charge. This delightful play on words rap song features all the coked-up Mets stars, like Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden, rapping too slow and too fast, respectfully. Then, at the 2:09 mark, Mets shortstop Rafael Santana, who can barely speak English, tries to rap it...and fails miserably.
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Like we said, this is the one that started it all. "The Super Bowl Shuffle" is still loved by many who fondly remember the '85 Bears, but this team song that took the nation by storm can be blamed for all the rest that didn't.
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October 31, 2012, 12:27 am
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We're kicking off today's funny photo gallery with the greatest Halloween costume of all time. If you have one leg, there's pretty much no such thing as not going as the leg lamp from A Christmas Story every Halloween.
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Usually the Halloween mask looks worse than the person it's modeled after. Usually the mask isn't of Charlie Sheen, though.
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I can't believe #2 is sold out.
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How many urines were left on that coat rack before they made the sign?
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Don't laugh, animals haven't invented the phone yet.
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Oh hey ceiling monkey. What's going on?
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Great Britain gets less great the longer it stays at the pubs.
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This is where I do all my Christmas shopping.
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Hurricanes are like nature's leafblower.
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My favorite kind of avocado.
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This is my favorite play.
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Static cling for the win.
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Yep, this looks about right.
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If this was true, I would look much, much different.
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October 31, 2012, 12:49 am
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Robin Platzer/Twin Images/Liaison - Jason Merritt/Getty Images
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As we all grow older, we start to see changes in our appearance-a gray hair, a laugh line, a malfunctioning valve in our artificial kidney-that signal the inescapable truth that we are all slowly deteriorating into a crumbling pile of dusty bones and desiccated skin, doomed to spend the remainder of our lives farting in front of a television and awaiting the cold embrace of Death. Of course, there are always a few people who make this process all the more unpleasant by seeming to remain at a fixed age forever, and to add insult to injury many of these people are also massively successful and wealthy celebrities with access to exotic surgeries and treatments to keep them youthful until they can finally retire to their underground mansions on the Moon. Here are ten big names who turn out to be older than you thought. Note: The first picture of each celebrity was taken 10-12 years before the second.
JOHNNY DEPP, AGE 49
Although legions of pudgy girls from drama club don't want to admit it, veteran actor Johnny Depp is old enough to be their dad even though he still looks as fresh as he did in "Edward Scissorhands" (actually, considering he was playing a stitched-together corpse in that film, it's fair to say he looks even better).
Twice named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, he's also been listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's highest paid actor, and was recently adopted into the Comanche tribe, presumably to make his upcoming role as Tonto somewhat less offensive. What's the secret to his longevity? Nobody knows, so we can only assume that he finally mastered the mystical secrets of his pirate treasure
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Ron Galella/WireImage - Jason Kempin/Getty Images
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GEORGE CLOONEY, AGE 51
First appearing on TV in 1978, but not in any way noticeable until 1994 and his role on "ER", George Clooney nowadays divides his time between "serious" films (where he has a beard and/or mustache) and "fun" films (where he assists Brad Pitt in committing crimes), using the latter to pay for the former.
His trademark salt-and-pepper Caesar cut, first sported during his turn on "ER", is a permanent fixture regardless of which kind of movie he's acting in. Clooney is also known for his charity work, his international activism, and his single-handed mission to personally apologize to everyone on Earth for his role in "Batman & Robin".
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Tony Barson/WireImage - Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
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IMAN, AGE 57
Somali supermodel Iman Mohamed Abdulmajid may not be as prominent as she was at the height of her fashion career, but as the CEO and face of her own cosmetics company and the goodwill ambassador for a number of children's relief charities she's still very much in the public eye.
While Iman humbly insists that her graceful good looks are typical to most Somali people, her face and figure show no evidence of the 35 years she spent in the often stressful modeling industry. Her supernaturally youthful appearance is particularly striking compared to her husband of twenty years, obscure British musician and goblin king David Bowie, who has spent much of his late career slowly turning into a mummy.
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Chris Bergman/Fotos International/Getty Images - ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
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CHOW YUN-FAT, AGE 57
Growing up poor and working a number of jobs in Kowloon, Chow Yun-fat lucked into a three-year contract with local Hong Kong TV station TVB, where he played a number of roles in soap operas and daytime television before hitting it big with a role in hit crime series "The Bund." While known to American audiences primarily for his action films like "Hard Boiled" and the wuxia epic "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", Chow has played a wide variety of roles in Hong Kong and Chinese cinema, from comedy to romance to historical drama (notably, he played Confucius in the 2010 film of the same name).
His distinctive looks and youthful appearance have played a major part in his success, earning him the nickname "The Babyfaced Killer," and even though he's pushing sixty he retains the round cheeks and soft features that made him a breakout TV star instead of Hong Kong's handsomest taxi driver.
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SGranitz/WireImage - Jemal Countess/Getty Images
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JACKIE CHAN, AGE 58
Born Chan Kong-sang to refugees from the Chinese Civil War, Jackie Chan has been a stunt performer and actor since the early seventies (when he worked alongside Bruce Lee), performing fight scenes and dialogue with an energy and enthusiasm he was known for even as a child, when his nickname was "Pao-Pao" meaning "cannonball." Today, Chan acts, fights, and even sings with the same manic, comic intensity that won him his fame in his twenties, and the most noticeable difference between his performances then and now is that he has a slightly less goofy haircut than he did in, say, Police Story.
What's particularly striking about Chan's age is that he's alive at all1, as he insists on coordinating and performing his own stunts (and even some of his costars stunts) and as a result has broken most of the bones in his body several times over. Chan has recently announced that he'll be doing less action work, expressing a desire to move into more dramatic roles where he will presumably hit fewer people with chairs.
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SGranitz/WireImage - Mark Davis/Getty Images for NAACP Image Awards
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SAMUEL L. JACKSON, AGE 63
It's sort of hard to think of a time when Samuel L. Jackson wasn't regularly appearing in movies, but for the first twenty years of his life Jackson was originally set on becoming a marine biologist and/or an armed revolutionary in the Atlanta-area Black Power movement. In fact, Jackson was suspended from Morehouse College (where he first got into acting) after an incident where he and several other students held the board of trustees hostage, demanding reforms in school curriculum and administration.
After his mother convinced him to abandon the movement (at least the part of it which carried guns), Jackson was briefly employed as a social worker before his return to Morehouse and a Bachelor of Arts in Drama. Jackson credits his ageless appearance to his baldness, a look he adopted when he first "felt this big hole in the middle of my afro" and later embraced as an aid to his acting career. Jackson is generally allowed to choose his own wigs for his roles, despite his publicly stated preference for the silliest hairstyles he can get away with wearing.
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Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage - Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy
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STEVE MARTIN, AGE 66
While Steve Martin didn't always have white hair (the change apparently started in his twenties), it was mostly or totally white at the peak of his fame-his eighties film career and his guest appearances on "Saturday Night Live", where he hosted or acted so often that many people ended up believing he was a permanent member of the cast. The hair and his smooth, unlined features make it hard to remember that he played Father of the Bride more than twenty years ago. Could his secret be the revolutionary Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Crème:
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Albert L. Ortega/WireImage - Jason Merritt/Getty Images
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CHUCK NORRIS, AGE 72
Okay everybody, take a minute to get all the jokes out of your system, blah blah blah beard with a fist in it, here's hoping someday this meme will share the same internet graveyard with Mr. T Ate My Balls. The pertinent Chuck Norris fact is that he's 72 years old and in astonishing shape for a man who once got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee (as did Jackie Chan, come to think of it... maybe they know something we don't).
When he's not writing articles for WorldNetDaily about how the President is a Martian homosexual, Norris is involved in a number of charities, including veterans' rights and care programs, children's medical care in India, and the Make-A-Wish foundation, where I can only assume he spends his time beating up the enemies of dying children.
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Sebastien Valente - ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
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TINA TURNER, AGE 72
Every pop star with a vagina and one or two songs about being "sassy" eventually attempts to lay claim to the title of diva, but all it takes to show them up as a bunch of pitch-corrected also-rans is an appearance by Tina Turner. Born in 1939 as Anna Mae Bullock, she first began singing professionally in St. Louis after attracting the attention of pioneering musician and horrible asshole Ike Turner.
Her solo career began when Ike became too coked up to do anything but try and murder her, and went on to span entire decades. Most recently she toured the country in 2008, and has contributed her still-powerful voice and talents to several compilation albums. Who runs Bartertown? Tina runs Bartertown!
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SGranitz/WireImage - Mike Coppola/Getty Images
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Next: The Best Celebrity Photobombs
KEANU REEVES, AGE 48 / 165 / 1198 / IMMORTAL
Extremely versatile but humble in the way only a Canadian can be, Keanu Reeves has been active on stage and screen since 1985, during which he has not aged or changed in appearance in any notable way except for sometimes growing a beard. While it's possible that his role as Ted Logan allowed Reeves to master the secrets of time travel, a simpler explanation may be that he is an ageless immortal, periodically faking his death to re-invent himself in a new life-a skill uniquely suited to an actor of his range.
Evidence in support of this theory can be found at unbiased scholarly resource KeanuIsImmortal.com, where one can find a portrait of French physician and actor Paul Mounet, who bears a striking resemblance to Reeves and apparently "died" under mysterious circumstances in 1922. Not enough evidence for you? Then consider the account of legendary Frankish emperor Charlemagne, who in at least one portrayal looks sort of vaguely like Keanu Reeves if you squint.
Other possible Keanu sightings stretch back over the centuries (Jesus of Nazareth? Alexander the Great? The cave paintings at Lascaux?) but Reeves himself remains strangely silent on the issue, which is out of character for the normally approachable actor considering that he was willing to address BBC to clear up the issue of whether or not Reddit had correctly guessed that he was sad. Should Reeves disappear mysteriously during the filming of the new Bill and Ted movie, don't be too shaken up-he'll pop up again within a few hundred years to lead humanity in the coming war against the machines. Excellent!
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October 31, 2012, 1:33 am
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Dead Programmer's Cafe
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We love our products. Like sports teams, we bond with them, form a compact with companies that we like where there's trust and reciprocity. That's why advertisers are so interested in the vaunted 18-34 (or 18-49) demographic. Not because the young are tastemakers, but because that bracket generally hasn't locked into brand loyalty yet. An 18-year-old buys detergent. A harried housewife buys Tide. Big difference. Whether it's a car brand or a certain food item, we pay attention to products. And that's why it's so interesting when they go so wrong. Here are ten of the most interesting product fails.
New Coke
April 23, 1985 may be the second day to live in infamy, at least in marketing circles. New Coke replaced the old, and the public rejected it. Not with a whimper, either, but a roar. The company drastically underestimated the emotional bond consumers had with Coke. Some might argue its branding is American itself, like apple pie or baseball, as sacred as the flag. Said Sam Craig, professor of marketing, "They didn't ask the critical question of Coke users: Do you want a new Coke?" Coke quickly backpedaled and reintroduced the original formula, this time rechristened Coke Classic.
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Ayds
Put this one in the category of "what could have been." Ayds was an appetite-suppressant candy, available in chocolate, mint and other yummy flavors to help the masses lose a few pounds, and it was quite popular in the 70s and early 80s. What could ever go wrong? Through no fault of its own, Ayds succumbed to the reality of AIDS. Yeah, that AIDS. The product was eventually withdrawn from the market.
Check out a real Ayds commercial.
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Bill Clark/Roll Call/Getty Images
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Firestone Tires
In August 2000, tire manufacturer Bridgestone recalled 6.5 million sport utility vehicle tires after reports that the tires were linked to as many as 46 deaths and hundreds of accidents. The reports alleged that treads peeled off their casings, sometimes while the vehicles were traveling at high speeds, leading to grisly and spectacular crashes. However, a year later, deaths linked to the tires exceeded 200 and it became a public relations nightmare. Sadly, Thomas Robertson warned about the inferior quality of the tires as long ago as...1972! The inaction of Firestone led to a Congressional hearing and several lawsuits were filed, and then settled, for millions of dollars. That's Corporate America looking out for you!
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Business Gray Matter
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Clairol's Touch of Yogurt Shampoo
Innovation sometimes spawns brilliance. Other times, ridicule. Debuting in 1979, Clairol's Touch of Yogurt Shampoo came and went. Maybe yogurt really is good for your hair, but people were too grossed out to try it. There were also reports of people confusing the product and eating it, seeing as how the word "Yogurt" is the largest thing on the package.
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Ford/aldenjewell via Flickr
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The Ford Pinto
This is the car that made Ralph Nader a household name. Especially after he claimed Ford cared more for profit than human life. The Ford Pinto was created in an effort to compete with smaller foreign cars and it was rushed to market in 1971. Like most things rushed, there was a problem. In rear-end collisions the Pinto's gas tank tended to split open, leaking fuel. You can imagine the rest. A young man was severely burned in a fire. Worse, Ford knew in its pre-production tests that a cheap plastic baffle could protect the tank. But Ford did not install it. Turns out, Ralph Nader was right.
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Gerber Singles for Adults
I'm trying to imagine a guy in a suit in 1974, maybe inspired after his two-martini lunch, hyping the idea of a crossover product for adults: "We're a brand people trust! We feed their kids. Why not feed adults?" And so the Gerber Singles for Adults was born, marketed to college students and adults living on their own for the first time. It clearly didn't take, as even coddled college students rejected it.
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KAZUHIRO NOGI/AFP/Getty Images
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Toyota Prius Brakes
Turns out, the Japanese can screw things up just as much as us. Between 2009 and 2010, in a major hit against Toyota's reputation for quality, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration logged at least 136 complaints about brakes on the Prius. Four cases involved a crash. By now, consumers know the trajectory of this story. Investigations. Congressional hearings. Lawsuits. Apologies from the heads of companies. Promises to do better. To quote Karl Marx, "History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce."
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daves cupboard via Flickr
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Reddi-Bacon
We can almost see why this worked. People love bacon. People love convenience. What people don't like are grease fires. Yep, the bacon would leak fat. Fat near heating element = fail. Introduced in 1964 to test markets, it never made it to grocery stores across the nation. And that's a good thing.
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Frito-Lay/flickriver
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Frito Lay WOW! Chips
In yet another example of companies knowing what they're putting out to market, but not really caring, Frito Lay came out with Wow! chips with Olestra, a non-caloric fat substitute. Hey, anything to make chips less fattening is a good thing, right? And yet, there was a small problem: olestra caused "anal oil leakage" in a study commissioned by the company. A memo to this effect was dated August 4, 1995, a year before the FDA approved olestra as a food additive. The product came to market in 1996, proving that Frito Lay does not care about consumers or our buttholes.
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Wikimedia Commons
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Next: 10 Jobs Soon to be Stolen by Robots
Uptown Cigarettes
If there has been any sector of America that will say anything, lie, manipulate and deny, it's the makers of cigarettes who claimed for decades that smoking was not a health risk despite scientific reports to the contrary. In 1989, RJ Reynolds marketed a brand of cigarettes to African-Americans. Some argued - what's wrong with that? Others, like the American Cancer Society, saw the Uptown marketing campaign as exploitative. Said Mary Clarke, at the time, the president of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg, N.C. branch of the NAACP, "With the poor health among black folks today, we do not need anything else to cause even more health problems. R.J. Reynold's targeting of blacks is unethical" (nytimes.com). Uptown, thankfully, went up in smoke.
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October 31, 2012, 5:24 am
When Patton Oswalt took to Twitter looking for help finding a Doctor Octopus costume (that's what his daughter wanted him to dress up as), Adam Savage from "MythBusters" and
Tested was there to answer the call. In this video, Savage takes you through his process of creating the perfect last-minute Doc Ock costume so that Oswalt and his daughter could have a Happy Halloween. Watch all the way to the end and we think you'll declare it a success.
Follow
Adam Savage and
Patton Oswalt on Twitter.
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October 31, 2012, 11:25 am
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It's tough out there in nature, so you better watch your back. If not, you may find yourself being urinated on by a flying bear fart. And nobody wants that.
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October 31, 2012, 10:13 pm
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October 31, 2012, 11:08 pm
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Matthew Simmons/WireImage
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Although summer is long gone and storms begin to beat at our front doors, there are a number of silver linings to the month of November, and we're not about to let you forget them. From the beginnings of big holiday meals, beers and games to the sexy winter wear and even sexier elections, this month can prove to be your best if you let in the 10 best things about November.
No. 10 - Movember
Gentlemen, let the facial hair games begin! And for a good cause, too. November means it is time to let the mustaches loose in order to raise money to fight prostate cancer and bring attention to men's health issues in general. We men can be a stubborn bunch when it comes to taking care of ourselves, so grow your mo to help change that. Movember gala events are held all around the U.S. once the month is over, too, in order to celebrate a job well done. Take advantage of that.
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AP Photo/Lynne Sladky
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No. 9 - Election Day
The time has come, fellow Americans. Only so often does a nation have a day to determine its rightful leader, whether you're a quasi-political type in your own mind or not. Both the candidates have spent the last months rallying their troops, debating/interrupting each other with every breath and plugging our eyes and ears with enough campaigning for the next five elections.
Now, with the candidates neck-and-neck in the race, the time has come for Americans, or anyone they'll let vote, to choose the right man for the throne. Barack Obama waits to see if the American people will stand by him another four years, with heavy focus on education and manufacturing within the U.S., while Romney hopes to undo the last four years, focusing heavily on health insurance and tax reform. It's not a decision anyone can make for you, so do your research and pick the one who represents (more) your interests.
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No. 8 - Chili & Stew, Dude
This is the start of the time of year when a man can enter the kitchen with confidence and take over. Although not all men were born with hands for making homemade fudge and gingerbread houses, many were bred for making a solid bowl of chili or stew.
These are the heavyweight holiday favorites that keep you warm, healthy and if you're into it, a little spicy. Spend the season perfecting the art of cooking with these two things, and you'll be glad you put on the apron. Every stew requires the right ratio of veggies to beef, and every chili needs beans and the right amount of zest, in case you didn't know. Get those right and you're golden. If you want to go a few extra steps, groom your fearless mustache and enter your best batch into the local cook-offs. That's the car show of cooking, where men stand by their prizewinners, and occasionally somebody craps themselves (and it's totally worth it).
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No. 7 - Christmas Decorating
When you're all finished breaking necks and checking out in your first round of holiday shopping, you get to wrap your head around the idea of putting up Christmas decorations.
Although it may seem like a tall order to find a tree, hang up the tinsel that will haunt you for months and drown your home in fake snow, this is the right of passage for many men. It's a time of year when it's perfectly OK to get frustrated, smash porcelain objects against the wall, cuss loudly for the all the neighbors to hear and then calmly fix the strand of lights that broke the same day you bought it.
Christmas decorating is the mother of all family togetherness, so gather the crew and seek out the only tree that's good enough for your home. Don't be the guy who buys a fake two-footer with no lights for the coffee table the night before Christmas. Get into the holidays early, Scrooge.
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AP Photo/Autostock, Brian Czobat
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No. 6 - NASCAR. Hell Yeah!
In case you don't know, the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series concludes in November with three exciting races that will determine who wins the Chase crown. Jimmie Johnson is the current leader once again, but he hasn't wrapped it up just yet. If you're one of those haters who thinks there's nothing more to racing than a guy driving in circles for hours at a time to the point of nausea before quenching his thirst with a chalice full of milk in front of a crowd of hillbillies and topless women, well, you may not be far off. But who cares? It's fun and we're damn proud of it!
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No. 5 - Winter Style
For a man of style, the summer offers very little to the half-clothed, sun-drenched guy trying not to pass out from heat exhaustion. Luckily, winter and its weather come bearing a few more options for your wardrobe.
Whether you're a man of style or a man of sweatshirts, everybody has their signature way of dressing. Bust out those scarves, blazers, leather jackets and high boots, gentlemen. It's a war to look good and stay warm, so come prepared.
Girls like a guy with a sense of style, so leave the snowpants and ear muffs at home and find yourself a nice snow bunny to cuddle up with.
Related: 10 Stylish Sweaters to Consider
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No. 4 - Cold Weather Drinks Upon Drinks
The one thing that is assured to get you through some of the tougher parts of the upcoming season is alcohol. It's no secret that you can't stand your in-laws, probably for the same reasons they don't like you. Luckily, alcohol allows us to warm up to these grizzly bears and have a we-don't-do-this-enough drink and a laugh session.
Take your pick: hot chocolate (with peppermint schnapps, no doubt), winter ales and white Russians. Doesn't matter, they all go down smoothly. Depending on where you're living and if a storm is blowing through your town, you'll pick the one that matches up with your winter weather just right.
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Sandy Huffaker/Getty Images
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No. 3 - Black Friday
What more could a man ask for after a long day of eating mountains of food, completely comatose to the world, than to wake up at the ass crack of dawn the next day and wait in line outside department stores to shop? OK, trick question. Men, this is your hell. It's like seeing the pearly gates of heaven before they realize you're with the wrong group and send you downstairs.
Don't bat your eyes too heavily, though. Black Friday may be the women's version of Super Bowl Sunday, but it also means she may help you come out on top this holiday season while saving your wallet from exploding. It's practically part two of a great American tradition, only you might get a big screen TV out of this one. And, there's always the chance she might want to go shopping on her own and let you have a day to yourself in your mancave. That's what we call a "keeper."
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Christopher Polk/Getty Images
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No. 2 - NBA/NFL Double Team
This time of year is the pinnacle of manliness, when two of the best sports, basketball and football, pile up at our door like a stack of Playboy magazines. Baseball and its overpaid, stiff-legged standstill players have gone, leaving plenty of TV time for some skull crushing and slam-dunks. The NFL has already delivered a number of solid weeks filled with big games and upsets, only to get bigger around Thanksgiving, and now we welcome basketball back at the start of the month with open arms.
With the impending return of Derrick Rose to lead his Chicago Bulls, Dwight Howard and Steve Nash dressing up in purple and gold and the rich getting richer in Miami, this year has the potential to be a downright dirty, competitive, lock-out-free season with anybody's guess as to who comes out on top.
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Next: 10 Best Things About October
No. 1 - Thanksgiving and Stuffing
Let's finally address the elephant in the room, as well as the big turkey we're all about to choke down. Thanksgiving is the day we declare as a country that we are all simultaneously grateful for all that we have -- at least until the following day when we weigh ourselves and clog the upstairs toilet.
Together we huddle like mice around the dinner table and enjoy a little tradition, including the underrated green bean casserole that steals the show, the gravy-drenched stuffing that nobody knows the ingredients to and the just-sweet-enough sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows that everybody keeps an eye on. Just remember, as the man of the house, it's your God-given right to make an obscene toast, carve that turkey with your gut out, belch and pass out as you please in your recliner. That's your recliner, and don't let anyone forget it.
Whatever your pleasure, there's always something at the dinner for everyone, including good eats and lots of thanks...and typically indigestion.
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October 31, 2012, 11:45 pm
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Athletes put themselves in the public eye on a regular basis. Unfortunately for them, the public is incredibly perverted. If you need proof, here is a gallery of sports moments that weren't actually meant to be sexual, but ended up that way anyway.
"Yeah I'm gonna need a few minutes there coach."
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I don't know what this move is called, but for the record...I'm into it.
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Spankings would definitely make tennis a little less boring.
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"Geez coach has been riding me all week."
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Look lady we're all excited to be winning but seriously.
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Awww I'm glad they could put their differences aside and go after true love <3
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In American Football, this would definitely be considered excessive celebration.
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I guess some people prefer the stem of the Rose. (That was a great joke by the way)
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This is why no one likes a referee.
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Do you really need to try and make women's volleyball dirtier than it already is?
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Yes. Apparently the answer to that question is definitely yes.
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If you don't get it right in practice how do you expect to be ready for the big game?
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"Feel a little poke come through."
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Mascots are creepy enough already without adding a giant discolored erection.
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Now that's what I call the king of the ring.
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I don't think this is unintentional, just a moment of love.
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Really? NO ONE questioned your wording?
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What exactly was 4th place?
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Shawn Michael's original finishing move was not well received.
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Is this what happens in NASCAR? I'm missing this kind of stuff every weekend??
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