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Venezuelan Woman Arrested for Stashing Cocaine in Her Breast Implants

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We're assuming that most of the male TSA agents were begging to search for it.

According to UPI, a 43-year-old Venezuelan woman with fake boobs was arrested when she arrived at an airport in Madrid recently because...wait for it...her implants were stuffed with almost four pounds of cocaine.
Venezuelan woman arrested with cocaine in her breast implants
Airport officials initially conducted a search of the woman's baggage when she began acting suspiciously shortly after her plane landed, but it turned up nothing.

Female security officers then conducted a full body search and found "certain irregularities and deformations in both breasts."

The woman finally admitted that her cans were "irregular" because they were packed full of yayo, so police escorted her to a local hospital, where they were amazed to find 1.7 kilos of Colombian marching powder stuffed inside her.

Security officials at Adolfo Suárez Madrid-Barajas Airport have now seized about 500 kilograms of cocaine and 6 kilos of heroin this year alone, resulting in 189 arrests.

Believe it or not, it somehow gets crazier than a woman trying to smuggle cocaine in her boobs: The Craziest Drug Smuggling Schemes

 

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Washington Woman Arrested After Having Sex With Lawn Chairs

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Hey, some people get more excited about summer clearance sale items than others.

According to KOMO News, a 33-year-old woman stumbled into a Seattle family's yard and "hiked up her dress and engaged in an intimate act with several lawn chairs." And by "engaged in an intimate act," Death and Taxes says they meanwashington woman has sex with lawn chairs she "humped" those lawn chairs.

Police said the "extremely intoxicated" woman wandered into the family's yard on August 4 and gave their lawn chairs a reason to exist. She then pissed all over their lawn before "quite purposefully exposing her genitalia, and then posterior, to the family inside the home."

Responding officers arrested the woman and charged her with indecent exposure because "her behavior was deemed serious enough to cause a person to reasonably experience fear, alarm or concern."

It's unclear whether or not the family has decided to unblock Cinemax from their kids after they watched a grown woman take their lawn furniture to pound town. I mean, let's be honest. After watching that, what would be the point?

Hey, it apparently could have been much worse: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors

 

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15 Photos of People Being Totally Badass Rebels

Mark Twain Learns the Price of Fame - 'ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com'

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Well, Mark Twain has finally made it (or so he thinks), and on this week's episode of "ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com" he is basking in the glory of his newly acquired fame. But if you know Twain, you know that his expectations don't always match his reality. So, will he finally get the respect and admiration he desires, or will he fly too close to the sun? You can probably guess.

For more funny original content, subscribe to Mandatory's YouTube channel and be sure to follow Mark Twain on Twitter.

 

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A Twerking Performance for the Ages - All the Wrong Ages

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This disturbing, head-scratching video comes to us all the way from Romania. Apparently there, at the Magic Delta Fest, it is acceptable for three adult women to get on stage and have a twerk-off (which includes some self ass-slapping) in front of an audience of children ages 4-12. What the hell?!

h/t Uproxx

 

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Michelle Game Plays Hard and Hot

Sophia Marie Brings the Sexy

Pennsylvania Man Dies After Drinking More Than $102,000 Worth of Whiskey

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Well, not all at once.

According to Huffington Post, a 63-year-old former caretaker of a mansion near Pittsburgh - who made Amy Winehouse seem like a saint and was set to stand trial for consuming more than $102,000 worth of vintage whiskey - died last month.
man dies after drinking $102,000 worth of whiskey
John Saunders' death on July 21 brought an end to the criminal charges brought against him by his former employer Patricia Hill.

Hill told authorities she hired Saunders in 2011 to look after a 100-year-old mansion that was built by industrialist J.P. Brennan. One of Saunders' duties was to look after nine 12-bottle cases of "pre-Prohibition Old Farm Pure Rye Whiskey" Hill had found hidden inside the mansion.

Bottled in 1917 by the West Overton Distilling Company, each bottle was worth more than $2,000.

But when Hill went to appraise her stash of antique booze, she found 52 empty bottles. She had them tested, and DNA from Saunders' saliva was found on every bottle.

Of course, the biggest question isn't why Saunders chugged down 52 bottles of $2,000 whiskey. We get that. We're just dumbfounded as to why that would come out to $102,000 instead of $104,000.

But I guess after that much whiskey, who gives a shit about the details?

Mmmm, whiskey: The Quick and Easy Guide to Single Malt, Bourbon, Rye and Irish Whiskey

 

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California Man's Yelp Account is Mostly Pictures of Food and Boobs

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Just when you think you have life figured out, this guy comes along and proves that indeed, you do not.

According to Uproxx, a man who goes by the name of Charley C. has been dining at quite a few restaurants in Southern California since early 2013, and boy, does he have the pictures to prove it.
Charley C. Yelp pictures boobs, yelp cleavage
While he has only written four reviews since joining Yelp in 2009, Charley has uploaded 53 pictures, and some of them might have you asking for seconds at Ruth's Chris Steak House.

Maybe it's just us, but for some reason, we feel like a pint of whole milk would be a better match for that ribeye than a glass of shiraz.

From two well-placed sundaes at The Original Ghiradelli Ice Cream & Chocolate Shop to a big slab of prime rib and "two sides," Charley's pictures are beginning to make food lovers across the country hungry and horny at the same time.

Charley has also offered up 34 tips on his Yelp page, but we're pretty sure that none are better than "Be sure to take a picture of your food with a couple of 'Double Deeeelicious' boobs in the background."

Like these, for example:

Charley C yelp page food and boobs
Charley C yelp page food and boobs
Charley C yelp page food and boobs
Charley C yelp page food and boobs
If you think boobs and food are entertaining, wait until you see these reviews: The Craziest Yelp Reviews on the Internet

 

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California Woman Hiding Meth in Her Vagina Hits Cyclists With Her Car

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Let's be honest. If you're busted hiding meth up your hoohah, then what haven't you hidden up there?

According to NBC San Diego, Theresa Owens is in deep shit after driving 30-35 MPH down the wrong way of a Fiesta Island street last week and hitting multiple cyclists who were traveling around a blind curve at 25-30 MPH in her direction.

woman with meth hidden in her vagina hits cyclists with her car
Deputy District Attorney Jessica Coto said Owens was screaming and acting "erratically" after she collided with about ten cyclists on Fiesta Island Road last Tuesday, and there was apparently a good reason why she was doing so.

Yup, you guessed it: She had a baggie of meth stashed in her vagina.

Sadly, one of the six people who went to the hospital with injuries is still paralyzed after pushing another cyclist out of the way of Owens' crappy car. A GoFundMe for Juan Carlos Vinolo has already raised over $98,000.

Owens pleaded not guilty to possession and felony DUI at her arraignment on Friday, and after her bail was set at $300,000, she whispered to her attorney, "Tell them I'm so sorry."

If Owens doesn't plan on spending the next 12 years of her life behind bars, she'll probably have to come up with something better than that for the trial.

We're not sure what's worse, meth or a loaded gun? Tennessee Woman Caught With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina

 

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Today's Funny Photos

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Reliable Rumors for Apple's New iPhone Release

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iphone 6 rumors, iphone 6 concept photo
Most Internet rumors have about the same weight as a fart in a windstorm. But when it comes to Apple's upcoming iPhone 6 release, you can bet the house they'll have something worth tweeting about. Leading up to the annual Apple conference (held on Sept. 9) all sorts of rumors are filling the mill, and here are some of the most reliable ones. But remember, they're only rumors. We could be going back to flip phones any day now for all we know.

Big and Curvy, Just How We Like 'Em
The last line of iPhones gave us the option between aluminum or plastic, but rumors suggest this season will bring us a choice between big (4.7-inch) or bigger (5.5-inch) iPhones, which may satisfy Android users enough to switch over this time around. The larger body would only increase our need for new cases after getting new ones with the last model, but then again, what did you expect from Apple?
Potentially one of the most exciting innovations for the new iPhone, however, is the suggestion of a curved screen, as oppiphone 6 rumors, iphone 6 curve screenosed to the greasy flat panel we've grown so accustomed to pressing against our oily faces. A slightly tapered front panel that slides into the usual flat structure has been reported by some analysts, along with the fact that Apple bought out a company that specializes in curvature for touch screens. After so many models, a little curve on these girls might be a sexy change, plus we get another reason to buy a new case if the larger models don't show up.

Faster, Stronger and More Spacious
Apple's goal has always been and will continue to be to create an iPhone better than its predecessor. The rumored A8 chip is potentially a dual-core processor with frequency of 2.0 GHz, outrunning the A7 chip of recent models while working inside of a likely thinner body. In addition, the rumor inside of a rumor is that perhaps there is a larger 5.5-inch model for people who wanted a larger phone and, to boot, that iPhone might, just might, come with 128GB for users to play with. That's the same amount of gigabytes Apple puts into a standard MacBook Air, if you need an idea of where Apple might be going with this.
Apple may also be bringing a more highly durable sapphire display to the table, similar to the home button on 5S models, but across the entire front panel, which may help with the constant dropping of iPhones on pavement and clumsy slips into the toilet.

iPhone Air?
Not only might the new iPhone be larger and faster, but lighter too. Doesn't this defy physics? Leaked photos of possible models, flooding the internet as of late, suggest an iPhone 6 that is between 6 and 7 mm, nearly as thin as the current iPod Touch. It's so thin that - between size and the last iPad Air model - that Apple miiphone 6 rumors, iphone 6 thin, iphone airght stop counting and start calling it the first iPhone Air. Expect the new model to carry the weight comparable to that of a bird feather.

Protruding Lens & More Megapixels
Now things start to get interesting. Some of these highly speculated iPhone models - the larger ones mostly - potentially have more uses than the average phone, and with that, Apple may give folks who are willing to shell out more money (possibly $299) more bang for their buck. So it is with fascinated skepticism that we introduce the idea of a protruding camera lens - that is, a zoom that extends from the body of the iPhone.

But regular-sized iPhone appreciators will be happy to know that Apple is likely to step up its camera game, offering a possible 13-megapixel camera compared to its current 8 MP. Other smartphones boast their higher megapixel cameras in comparison with Apple's, but don't be surprised if the good guys come out with some improvements this year, like a better True Tone flash as well.

Considering they just bought out Instagram for way too much money, it's safe to say they appreciate the popularity of DIY photography. In addition, Apple has been working with some optical image stabilization (OIS) specialists for focusing on moving objects and shakiness. That way, even the worst photo-takers have a chance at capturing something that is halfway shareable.

Pushing Our Buttons
In addition to some possible new shapes, sizes and colors, the new iPhone body might work in a few easier-to-press buttons on the side. The standard round volume buttons will potentially be replaced with recessed, pill-shaped buttons that won't cause carpal tunnel to push. And since sleeping and waking up are apparently someiphone 6 rumors, new iphone 6 conceptsthing everybody's into these days, there is a possible sleep/wake button that will appear on either the right side of the iPhone or top left.

Wearable, Pair-able Technology
Everyone's been blathering about wearable technology ever since Google Glass came to be, and the big question is when Apple will release their rumored iWatch and other devices that keep us from escaping their death grip. The rumored iWatch would be a wearable wrist trinket that syncs to the iPhone and allows us to view the most crucial elements of our daily lives - email, text and calls - without having iPhones on our person. We're just one step closer to looking like a bunch of real life Power Rangers (hopefully Michael Bay doesn't ruin that too). Look for this announcement on the same day, in addition to new iPod models.

Release Date
The only question that remains is when. With the Apple conference scheduled for September 9, expect pre-orders and sales to be right around the corner, and if history repeats itself, sales could start as early as Friday, September 19. But if history repeats itself again, the new model will be on everyone's wish list and back-ordered at least until October, maybe December. There is also the rumor Apple will be staggering the release of larger 5.5-inch models for later. Our suggestion? Be on your toes and nab one immediately, unless you don't mind hanging onto your current phone for another three months.

Keep in mind, though, that the previous iPhone 5S model will be available dirt cheap, as in possibly $1, so either Apple has big changes ahead with their new model, or they're just plum drunk with power. If you were hoping for cheaper, you'll likely have to wait, as a plastic version (6C) may not arrive until next year when the iPhone 6S - or whatever it's called - arrives.

 

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16 Very Funny Makeup Transformations

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If you've ever wanted to look like your favorite celebrity, we've got great news for you. It's easier than you thought! Forget all of those long, drawn-out YouTube instructional videos. In just four easy steps, you can look exactly like your favorite celebrity. Here are some instructional images to help you look like your favorite famous person.

funny makeup transformation, nicki minaj
Funny makeup transformations, funny makeup, celebrity makeup














 

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Hilarious Meme Gallery: Conspiracy Keanu

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A few years ago, a funny photo of Keanu Reeves from the 1989 film "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" was posted on the Internet. It made people laugh, because Reeves' Ted character has a frightened, perplexed expression on his face, and that led to brilliant memers dubbing him "Conspiracy Keanu." The rest is history. Here are some of our favorites of this classic meme.

conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme
conspiracy keanu, keanu reeves meme

 

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Girl Asks 8 Random Guys in Europe If They Want to Have Sex

You Will Love and Hate This East Hills Mall Commercial

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Okay, so you'll love how awful it is at first, then mostly hate it when you can't stop singing "boots and pants and boots and pants." This horrendous mall commercial comes to us from St. Joseph, Missouri. It features a young girl and several employees from the East Hills Mall awkwardly "singing" about heading there for back-to-school items, all over a terrible human beatbox track. I know there are a lot of super cheesy local commercials out there in the world, but this has to be one of the absolute worst. Still, it got me to visit their website today, so...mission accomplished?

 

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This is Why Girls Shouldn't Wear Skirts on Motorcycles

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Or, you know, maybe it's why they should wear them. Different strokes for different folks. One thing we can all agree on, though, is that this woman has a fantastic hiney. And yes, the horny guys filming this were rocking out to "Hotel California."

 

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