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18 Insane Conspiracy Theories That Are Almost Believable

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It's easy to write off conspiracy theorists as crazy, because, well, most of them are pretty nuts. However, there are times when a theory is just crazy enough that it might actually be believable. A thread on Reddit asked users to post their wildest conspiracy theories. Here are some of the best ones and some of them are almost believable.

1. Bush's Baked Beans
The secret recipe for Bush's Baked Beans is actually golden retriever meat. That's why the dog wants to reveal the recipe, but that guy in the polo always stops him.

2. Starbucks
Starbucks spells people's names wrong on purpose so they share it on social media thus creating free advertising.

3. College
College is a scam.

It's a way to keep young people off the unemployment rolls and create the illusion the job marketplace is more robust than it actually is. The vast majority of what you learn is theoretical information you won't even use on the job, but that degree is required because the hiring manager had to suffer through 4 to 8 years of higher education and expects all those beneath him to do so as well.

4. Westboro Baptist Church
The Westboro Baptist Church is actually a really progressive civil rights organization (supporting LGBT rights, religious tolerance and other liberal causes).

Fred Phelps was a prolific Civil Rights attorney before he started the Westboro Baptist Church and took a bunch of heat for his work. So, what if one day Fred realized that he'd never going to get his community to come together and support his work? Instead, he decided the best way to unite people was through hatred of him.

5. Fingerprints
Fingerprints are given to us at birth to act as a human barcode.

6. John McCain
John McCain picked Sarah Palin on purpose because he saw the downfall of the Republican party and wanted to speed it along by propelling her and the Tea Party to the front. He wants this because he's a smart guy and realizes that the country will benefit if we have functional parties, instead of a divided nation.

7. Seasoning
Every product in the seasoning aisle is made by a single company, and most of them contain the same ingredients. This is done so that those wanting a cheaper product buy it, and so do those who are more discerning.

8. Education Systems
Our educational system has been systematically disassembled, watered down and sabotaged because the government doesn't want an educated population. Educated people are harder to manage.

9. Cosmopolitan Magazine
The readership of Cosmo is single women, right? So Cosmo intentionally gives awful dating advice to keep their readership single and buying Cosmo.

10. "The Prestige"
How does Christian Bale transform his body from extremely skinny to superhero buff and then back to skinny in just months? It's not diet and exercise.

He has an emaciated twin brother he keeps hidden away who fills in for roles requiring a skinny Christian Bale. They each share one life.

Christopher Nolan tried to hint at this in the documentary "The Prestige."

11. Stephen Hawking
Stephen Hawking has actually been a brain-dead for years, ever since he lost his ability to speak. In reality, a team of discredited scientists use him as a mouthpiece for hypotheses that are too controversial to be presented by less renowned scientists.

12. The Ultimate Conspiracy
Perhaps 95% of conspiracy theorists are professional trolls paid by the U.S. government to muddy the waters and throw the general public off about what the real conspiracies are.

13. Video Games
The government is secretly pushing game developers to make war shooters like "Call of Duty" and "Battlefield" and market them to kids, so that in several years time when we piss off every other nation in the world, those children who grew up on war games will have a skewed idea of war, think it'll be awesome, and sign up. That way they can keep it a "volunteer" army but brainwash impressionable minds into signing up without knowing the REAL horrors of war.

14. Instagram
Selfies were made popular by the government to help build a facial recognition database.

15. American Ninja Warrior
"
American Ninja Warrior" is a selection process for the new world. All of us fatties at home watching will be left to burn.

16. Taiwan
China does not want Taiwan. They claim they do and start making threats every few years so the Taiwanese freak out and buy super-expensive military hardware from the U.S. The U.S., in turn, shares some of the profits of those sales with China. Repeat every 5 to 6 years.

17. Hot Dogs
Hot dogs are sold in packs of ten while their buns are sold in packs of eight. You have to buy 4 packs of hot dogs to 5 packs of buns to have enough. I suspect that Big BBQ has control of the packaging for these to specifically entice you into buying more.

18. The NSA
Whenever you get "lag" or slow Internet, the NSA had to censor some of the information that is being received into your computer.

 

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America's Most Awesome Coffee Shops

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If you're looking for a coffee shop less yawn-worthy than the typical caffeine chain, these rockstar places are sure to impress. Read on for a list of places that are doing it right-from time-traveling bean brewers to baller barista tech that costs more than your college degree.
The Wormhole Coffee -- Chicago, IL
The Wormhole Coffee
Step back in time at the Wormhole coffeehouse, where you can play vintage Nintendo under an exact replica of the "Back to the Future" car. The coffee's made by Chicago's own "Halfwit Coffee Roasters" (that's really what they go by-we're not being nasty), and menu items like the "Peanut Butter Koopa Troopa," a vanilla bean latte with a hint of peanut butter, kick your standard Pumpkin Spice Latte right in the face.
Coava Brew Bar -- Portland, OR
Coava
You'll feel like you've stepped into someone's decked-out garage when you enter Coava Brew Bar -- because that's exactly what happened. Before owner Matt Higgins had the dough to buy himself a coffee roaster and open up shop, he used the space to fix motorcycles. The space is shared between the coffee shop and a bamboo design company, giving you lots to look at while you sip their roasted-in-house brew.
Ristretto Roasters -- Portland, OR
Ristretto Roasters
Everything about this coffeehouse is 'pinkies up' fancy, including their gear-the $15,000 Steampunk brewing system is as good as it gets. This bad boy spits out four drinks at a time, and can make up to 60 cups of perfectly brewed coffee per hour.
Daylight Mind Coffee Company -- Kailua-Kona, HI
Daylight Mind Coffee Company
If you like your coffee with a view, the Daylight Mind Coffee Company will make you pretty happy, located in the only state in the U.S. to grow coffee commercially. Sip 'n' study at Daylight, as they host three-day-long courses in caffeine including the brewing process, tasting notes and growing the beans.

Blue Bottle Coffee Company -- NYC, SFO & LA
Blue Bottle Coffee Company
These guys brew their coffee in a way that you have to see to believe-with a $20,000 brewing machine from Japan. The fresh grounds are cooked up lab-style, and set on a pot of water. The heat from the glowing lamp makes the water boil, resulting in super strong joe.
Panther Coffee -- Miami, FL
Panther Coffee
The ultimate hipster coffee house, Panther Coffee brews with a pre-World War II roaster. You can have it any way you want it here, with advanced brewing options (like the Hario V60 or Chemex). If their cold-brew java doesn't impress you, the artwork sure will.
Heart Coffee Roasters -- Portland, OR
Heart Coffee Roasters
Coffee is roasted in-house at Heart Coffee Roasters, and they offer you a front row seat to watch all the action. But what keeps customers coming back is their famous affogato.




 

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When Sports Go Horribly Wrong, Vol. 2

New Dad: Expectations vs. Reality

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Children are miracles. Children are our future. Children are the most frustrating little creatures in the universe and can very quickly turn you into an insane person with no concept of time or location or right or wrong. Having kids will definitely change your life. That's not necessarily always a great thing. Let's take a look at what people think being a dad is like compared with what it actually turns out to be.

new dad expectations vs reality

 

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British Guy Revving His Lamborghini Accidentally Sets It on Fire

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Here's another chapter from the book entitled "When Being an Absolute Tool Goes Totally Wrong."

According to UPI, a dude in London was recently showing off by revving the engine of his Lamborghini Aventador and accidentally started the back of the car on fire in the process.


Hey, if the guy ever wanted a Batmobile, then this was his lucky day.

Almost as laughable as the guy's car catching fire are his futile attempts at putting out the flames, including hitting it with some sort of long-sleeved shirt and, of course, blowing on it.

Combine that with the fact that he actually got back inside of a burning car, and you have to assume there is no way this clown is intelligent enough to own that car, which means either the establishment he rented it from or his daddy is going to be super pissed.

Here's one guy who wouldn't have been impressed at this guy revving his engine: Fed-Up Father Hurls Rock at $400,000 Speeding Lamborghini

 

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Tigger Busted Having Sex With Woman in British Bathroom

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tigger costume having sexApparently, his tail isn't the only thing that gets sprung.

According to Huffington Post, a three-year-old girl and her grandmother walked into a baby-changing room inside a public restroom in the town of Dawlish last week and discovered a man in a Tigger costume bumping uglies with a naked woman.

Maryanne Saunders said she and her granddaughter witnessed the costumed man and a woman having "full-blown sex" when they entered the restroom on October 28. But instead of calling the local police, Saunders decided to report the incident on the Dawlish Neighborhood Police's Facebook page:

facebook message about tigger having sex
For the child's sake, we hope she never has to experience something like that again, almost as much as we hope somebody other than her grandmother teaches her the English language.

Is anybody in the U.K. having sex inside their own house these days? Four Students Caught Having Sex in Nightclub Parking Lot

 

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Woman Poses as Her Daughter, Tells Police She Has Condition That 'Makes Her Age Faster'

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The scariest part of this story has to be that this woman really has children. The least surprising part is that she is from Florida.
woman tells cop she ages faster
According to The Smoking Gun, a 43-year-old Florida woman who was recently pulled over for inoperable tail lights allegedly posed as her 22-year-old daughter and told the police officer she had a "medical condition that makes her age faster."

When asked for identification, Jennifer Crosby told an Indian River County Sheriff's Office deputy she didn't have it because she had forgotten her purse. When Crosby gave the officer her 22-year-old daughter's name instead, he immediately became suspicious because she looked "significantly older than that."

Crosby also provided her daughter's social security number and added that she aged quicker than most people because of a medical condition, but the deputy was having none of it. He accessed a database that provided a photo of Crosby's daughter instead of her, and she was arrested for driving on a suspended license and providing a false name.

The good news for Crosby is that this arrest is far less serious than her last one in June, in which she was arrested for hiding crack cocaine wrapped in tin foil in her vagina.

Telling a cop you have the exact opposite problem as Benjamin Button has to be somewhere on this list: The 15 Worst Things to Do When You Get Pulled Over by a Cop

 

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Today's Funny Photos


Macaulay Culkin Has Really Let Himself Go

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We all remember Macaulay Culkin as that adorable little scamp running around, foiling robbers in "Home Alone." Well, boy, have times changed. You probably won't even recognize what Mac looks like now. Just keep scrolling. It's quite a dramatic transformation.

macaulay culkinmacaulay culkinmacaulay culkinmacaulay culkinmacaulay culkinmacaulay culkin

Via I Am Animal

 

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11 Breakup Stories That Rival 'Gone Girl' in Sheer Terror

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Breaking up isn't easy. It's perhaps the hardest thing in the world: emotions fly, curses abound and sometimes penises get lopped off amid intense quarreling. Here are eleven breakup stories that will make you thankful for your relationship.


1. Egyptian Man Finds Wife in 11 Porno Films
It all happened at an Internet cafe. A man identified only as "Ramadan" went to a cyber cafe to catch a little Web time. He literally collapsed in shock when he discovered his wife of sixteen years boinking her old boyfriend.

He found 10 other stag films starring his better half.

Ramadan explained: "It was my first time I watched a porno film and I did it out of curiosity." We believe you, Ramadan. Anyway, he went home to confront his wife and she told him she never loved him. They had four children.


11 break-up stories, man snaps picture
2. Man Snaps Picture of Girlfriend as Proof She Was Cheating
This is probably a bunch of photoshopped bullshit, but several media outlets report a man came home to his 21-year-old wife after a business trip. He knew she was cheating on him, and he snapped this picture for proof. Scan the photo with your eyes carefully. You'll know when you see it.


3. Woman Cuts Off Man's Penis, Penis Gets Eaten By Dog
In the 73 cases of penis removal available on Wikipedia, this one stuck out: Li Gengbao was asleep when he was awakened by a stinging pain in his crotch. His wife, Yao Fengfang, was holding the penis in her hand. She had cut it off. He begged her to take him to the hospital, but she simply flung the weeny out the window. A dog found it and ate it. Yao received a three-year sentence.

His penis couldn't be reattached (since it was eaten by a dog). Many of these women get less than five years in prison. But let's continue talking about the war on Women.


11 break-up stories, man splits house in half
4. Amid Divorce, Man Splits House With Wife
Divorce is hell. In 2008 a rural Cambodian man took to (literally) splitting his assets with his wife, cutting his house in two. He moved his belongings to one side and had his buddies help him saw the humble bungalow in half. He threw the bits and pieces of what was left in a nearby field for his wife.

Fair is fair.


11 break-up stories, married couple has online affair
5. Married Couple Has Affair With Each Other Online
In 2005, two cyberlovers were chatting online for months before they met each other. It was a true romance. They even began making wedding plans. When they met at a bus depot to finally unveil each other's identities, it turned out they were already married to each other.

"You are divorced, divorced, divorced," 32-year-old Adnan screamed.

"You are a liar," 27-year-old Sana replied.

They used the names "Sweetie" and "Prince of Joy." It ended as an ugly public divorce and they learned a little lesson about chatting online with strangers.


11 break-up stories, parrot breaks up marriage
6. Parrot Breaks Up Marriage
Petra Ficker, 50, of Freiburg, Germany, suspected something was up when her beloved parrot, Hugo, learned a new word.

Hugo impersonated Petra's husband Frank all too well, and one day Hugo mimicked, "Uta, Uta." Petra rummaged through the house to find two plane tickets for Paris, one for Frank and the other for a mystery woman named Uta.

Said Petra: "I kicked him straight out. It's just me and my parrot now."


11 break-up stories, letter no man wants to receive
7. A Letter No Man Wants to Receive
Politics should play no role in a budding relationship, unless you're a Nazi and she's a Naziette. I'm no liberal, but even I feel this man should be dumped for thinking Sarah Palin as qualified. Don't read the second-to-last paragraph if you're not packing heat in your trousers. Hurt feelings may ensue.


11 break-up stories, billboard treatment
8. The Billboard Treatment
Once again, if you're sporting a droopy limp noodle between your legs, this one may cause an emotional stir.

9. Dan Trolls Connie HARD in Divorce Letter
After tossing his new teenage lover a "pint of throat yogurt," a spurned divorcee writes out an eloquent letter to his ex detailing his regrets and musings on their made-for-movie marriage. And once it's made clear his new girl is into the whole er-backdoor thing, Connie must have known there was no hope to rekindle the burnt-out flame.
11 break-up stories, dan trolls

10. "She's F**king Fat. WTF?"
Women are wizards when it comes to knowing about the contents of your phone. If you have chick's naked selfie or even a nipple in your phone, she already knows. You're screwed.


11. Girlfriend Makes Fake Facebook Account and Hits on Boyfriend
All was well and good until Mr. Blabbermouth unleashed the bomb on his girlfriend's lack of hygiene. He states she "always smells like an old lady" and "never uses soap." Sorry, sir-your girlfriend will now dump you, and possibly neuter you with a spoon. You can see how it all went down below.

 

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The 9 Biggest Celebrity Guest Stars on 'Law & Order'

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"Law & Order" broke records as one of television's longest running scripted series. And although "SVU" has grabbed the baton and continues the life of the franchise with new episodes, there is something about the original that stands out on its own.

You can watch reruns of the groundbreaking legal drama's 20-year run just about every hour of every day on almost every major cable network. In them are countless guest-starring actors playing cops, victims, witnesses, lawyers, suspects and perpetrators. Among those have been very impressive guest stars, some at the very beginning of their careers and some who were already superstar celebrities. Here are 9 of the biggest to ever appear on "Law & Order." These are their stories.

Philip Seymour Hoffman
Season 1, Episode 14
"The Violence of Summer"
1991
9 guest stars on law & order, phillip seymour hoffman
This episode marks Hoffman's first credited acting performance ever, a year before he would be noticed as the d-bag in "Scent of a Woman." "L&O" would definitely start to show wear as it approached its 20th season, but in 1991 it was at its edgiest and grittiest. Hoffman is very convincing as a thug implicated in a gang rape and shows signs here of the true talent and star he was destined to become.


Samuel L. Jackson
Season 1, Episode 14
"The Violence of Summer"
1991
9 guest stars on law & order, samuel l jackson
Before he was sermonizing in "Pulp Fiction" or chasing mothereffing snakes on mothereffing planes or appearing in just about every other movie ever released, Jackson clocked in a guest stint on "L&O" in the same episode as Hoffman, playing his defense attorney. Jackson did have memorable film roles under his belt before this appearance, but only in supporting roles. His work here is fiery and fierce, as always.


Claire Danes
Season 3, Episode 1
"Skin Deep"
1992
9 guest stars on law & order, claire danes
In 1999, the "SVU" spinoff began to corner the "L&O" market on kids and sex and murder. But the original series took many a stab at this theme before and after on its own. "Skin Deep" is such an episode and here we are introduced to a 13-year-old Claire Danes as a young girl caught up in seriously adult situations. She's also the center of a shocking twist that would come to define the series.


Juliana Margulies
Season 3, Episode 17
"Conduct Unbecoming"
1993
9 guest stars on law & order, julianna margulies
"The Good Wife" was not the first TV pairing between Juliana Margulies and Chris Noth. That distinction goes to the Season 3 episode of "L&O." And before we became accustomed to Margulies in nurse's scrubs or lawyer's suits, she displayed full military attire as a stonewalling officer keeping her lips locked about the implication of colleagues in a fellow female Naval officer's murder. Loose ones sink ships after all.


James Earl Jones
"Profile"
Season 4, Episode 4
1993
9 guest stars on law & order, james earl jones
James Earl Jones has done just about everything in his long career, including a guest starring role on "L&O." In this racially charged episode, a white supremacist is charged with serially murdering his black neighbors and Jones steps in as the man's defense attorney. The celebrated actor's voice alone brings an added credibility to this controversial installment.


Jennifer Garner
"Aftershock"
Season 6, Episode 23
1996
9 guest stars on law & order, jennifer garner
In this format-breaking episode, an inmate's execution sets off the narrative detailing the profound effects this event has on our regular pairs of detectives and DAs whom all have witnessed the event. We follow each separately through the remainder of their day and the dramatic personal turns it takes. Here in one of her earliest roles, Garner plays a beautiful woman offering temptation to Benjamin Bratt's Detective Curtis. Its shocking finale would also mark the final episode for longtime player Jill Hennessey as ADA Claire Kincaid.


Julia Roberts
Season 9, Episode 20
"Empire"
1999
9 guest stars on law & order, julia roberts
How did "L&O" snag the biggest actress in the world for her guest-starring role in this Season 9 episode? She was dating series regular Benjamin Bratt at the time. The victim here suffers a death-by-Viagra and Julia Roberts is the mistress/witness that can bring his killer to justice. Or does her attempted seduction of Bratt's Detective Curtis come with her own ulterior motives? Either way, the guy gets around.


Ty Burrell
Season 11, Episode 2
"Turnstile Justice"
2000
guest stars on law & order, ty burrell
It's not uncommon to see an actor play completely different roles on different episodes of "L&O." One such example is Ty Burrell. Before he was TV's greatest "Modern" dad he took a swing at multiple parts (including an appearance on "SVU") across the series' spectrum of guilt and innocence. His first was "Turnstile Justice" playing a distraught widower who has to plead with the DAs to make those complicit in his wife's death pay.


Chevy Chase
Season 17, Episode 7
"In Vino Veritas"
2006
9 guest stars on law & order, chevy chase
A prime example of "L&O's" "ripped from the headlines" narrative influences, here Chevy Chase channels Mel Gibson as a washed up actor whose DUI stop is worsened by his bigoted rant. Everyone's favorite Griswald (and perhaps least favorite co-worker) jumps into this role feet first and leaves you guessing whether or not he's a homicidal anti-Semite or just a regular one.

 

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The Best 'Feel Old Yet?' Tweets

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You've probably all seen numerous posts on various sites about what former child stars are up to these days. It's the "then and now" theme that we just can't seem to get enough of. Heck, we've even done this sort of feature ourselves. But after a while, people get sick of a certain thing (especially on Twitter), and decide to have a little fun with it. That's where the "Feel old yet?" posts come in. It shouldn't take you too long to get the idea. Here are some of the best. via Smosh

 

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10 Unexplained Mysteries You've Never Heard Of

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We're all aware of the big unexplained mysteries in the world: the Bermuda Triangle, Stonehenge, the secret to Adam Levine's popularity. But there are hundreds of interesting lesser-known mysteries that have yet to be understood. We've traveled the globe to bring you ten unexplained mysteries you've never heard of.

Mysterious Fires in Sicily
mysterious mysterious never heard of, fire
Residents of the small Sicilian town of Canneto di Caronia have been plagued with a mysterious phenomenon for over a decade, and scientists can't figure it out. Throughout the town, electrical appliances have been bursting into flame at the slightest provocation. Toasters, fridges, even cell phones have been observed heating up and igniting. Even some non-electrical items like mattresses have spontaneously combusted as well. The police department ruled out arson as a cause based on the frequency and spread of the fires. Government officials have blamed the fires on both aliens and supernatural entities, but the truth is still unknown.

The Phantom Barber of Pascagoula
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, barber
The little town of Pascagoula has more than its share of unexplained phenomena, from the odd noise that emits from the Pascagoula River to a 1973 UFO abduction. But the tale that best characterizes this Mississippi hamlet is the still-unsolved mystery of the Phantom Barber. Starting in 1942, a mysterious person broke into the convent at Our Lady of Victories and cut the hair off of two sleeping girls. For the next few months, the Barber would strike on Monday and Friday nights, slitting window screens with a knife, using chloroform to render his victims unconscious and making off with their hair. While a man named William Dolan was arrested for the crimes, he passed a lie detector test and was released. The real identity of the Phantom Barber has never been revealed.

The Man From Taured
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, plane
Mystery men crop up all the time in paranormal literature-travelers from some unknown place who cross over into our reality inexplicably. Most of them are swiftly debunked, but the case of the Man from Taured continues to baffle. In 1954, a flight landed at Tokyo's Haneda Airport. One of the passengers presented a passport from the country of Taured, located on the border between France and Spain. We don't need to say that no such country exists, right? But his passport was stamped from previous trips. Police, not knowing what to do with him, put him in a hotel for the night. The next morning, though, the man and all of his belongings had vanished without a trace. (Photo credit: Rodney Stitch)

The Disappearance of the Sarah Joe
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, sarah joe
The ocean is a prime spot for mystery-it's vast, violent and unknowable. One of the most curious tales of all time comes in the form of the Sarah Joe. In 1979, Scott Moorman and four friends took the Sarah Joe out from port in the town of Hana on Maui. The weather was clear and the fishing was good, but when a massive storm blew in the Sarah Joe was lost. No trace of the boat was found until almost ten years later, when a group of marine biologists found the boat on a small island in the Taongi Atoll. Also on the island was a grave marked by a wooden cross, and buried there was the remains of Scott Moorman. But what happened to the other four men? (Who put Moorman in the ground)? We may never know.

The Methuen Water Demon
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, water demon
House hauntings are usually just the result of overactive imaginations, but the strange case of the Methuen water demon can't be waved away so easily. In October 1963, a man named Francis Martin noticed a spot of moisture on his den wall. He investigated it and a spray of ice-cold water emitted from the wall for about 20 seconds before stopping. Over the next few weeks, this phenomenon repeated itself all over the house, ruining their furniture. The family fled the domicile and temporarily moved in at Mr. Martin's mother-in-law's house, only to have the weird water phenomenon happen there as well. They returned home and the waterspouts gradually tapered off and stopped, with nobody able to offer an explanation. (Photo credit: Mike via Flickr CC)

The Aluminum Wedge of Aiud
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, aluminum wedge
There are tons of unusual discoveries that conspiracy theorists claim as evidence of all kinds of things. One that eludes any kind of explanation is the Aluminum Wedge of Aiud. Found in 1974 on the banks of the Mures River in Romania, this oddly-shaped form was resting in the same layer of soil as a pair of mastodon bones, implying that it is at least 11,000 years old. What makes it perplexing is that humanity didn't learn how to shape and cast aluminum until 1808 at the very earliest. Some theorize that the Wedge was the head of a primitive hammer or a hunting tool, but nobody knows its exact purpose or provenance.

The Case of the Self-Burying Hoses
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, hoses
This may seem like an absurd thing to be concerned about, but nobody's been able to come up with a satisfactory explanation behind why in 1955, all over the United States, garden hoses started burrowing nozzle-first into the ground. One of the first reported incidents came in Downey, California, at the home of George di Peso. Di Peso's daughter was watering the garden when she set the hose down. Bizarrely, it started sinking into the earth until nearly 20 feet of it was underground and George had to cut it off to stop its motion. Similar cases were reported in Florida, Kansas, New York and Michigan. Some scientists speculated that the water pressure created a vacuum that pulled the hoses into loose soil, but they couldn't duplicate the effect when asked. (Photo credit: Rfduck via Flickr CC)

Dighton Rock
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, rock
One of the most curious objects on American soil has been captivating the curious since the 17th century. Dighton Rock, originally found in the Taunton River, is a 40-ton boulder that is ringed with a series of carved petroglyphs that can be mapped to no known Earthly language. Scientists have attributed the carvings to a wide array of creators-some think Viking explorers carved them, some believe they're Phoenician in origin, and a recent book even alleged they were left by a Chinese expedition. We're no closer today to figuring out their actual origin.

The Green Children of Woolpit
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, green chilldren
There are dozens of stories throughout antiquity of mysterious semi-human beings appearing from out of nowhere, but few are quite as bizarre as the Green Children of Woolpit. At some point in the 12th century, a pair of siblings, brother and sister, wandered into the Suffolk village of Woolpit. What made them instantly notable was their skin, which was an unhealthy green color. The pair could not speak English, wore strange clothing and rejected all food except for uncooked beans, which they ate voraciously. Over time, the children lost their unusual color and adapted to a more varied diet, but no explanation has ever been given for where they came from.

The Yellow Cuban Balloons
unexplained mysteries no one heard of, balloon
The Cold War saw all kinds of weird stuff happening on both sides of the Iron Curtain, but one of the most perplexing obscure mysteries happened off the coast of Florida. In June of 1967, a Coast Guard trawler picked up a floating crate in the ocean that was stamped "Property Of U.S.S.R." and addressed to the "Institute of Mineral Resources of Cuba." Inside the box? Seven yellow balloons, inflated with an unknown gas and closed with black rubber stoppers. Scientists examined the contents but they revealed nothing but ordinary air. In the decades since, no explanation has ever come forward about what the purpose of the shipment was.

 

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Florida Fire Lieutenant Resigns After Allegedly Having Sex on Duty

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His last name might be Coward, but it appears as though this Clearwater firefighter was anything but that when it came to having sex with women other than his wife at work.

According to WFLA, Lt. Stephen Coward resigned last month after an anonymous source sent damning video and "sexually explicit" emails to his fire chief.

firefighter fired for sex at work
The cell phone video of Coward "engaged in intercourse with a woman inside the bathroom of his dormitory room at the firehouse" along with 40 emails of "sex talk" between Coward and another woman were found on a flash drive that was sent to the chief in August. An investigation followed, and Coward resigned just over a month later before the department could fire him.

Besides bumping uglies with a woman in his dormitory bathroom, Coward also admitted to humping another woman in a dive truck as well as the weight room.

Coward was a 19-year veteran of the department and was a lieutenant for the last ten years, receiving a "number of commendations" along the way. But judging by the size of that smile, it looks as though he's probably most proud of his efforts during the latter part of his term.

19 years is a hell of run. This teacher only lasted one day: Substitute Teacher Arrested for 'Sex Acts' With Student on Her First Day

 

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California Dad Finds Bag of Meth in Daughter's Trick-or-Treat Bag

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It looks like everything in the girl's bag this year had the potential to rot her teeth.

According to the Los Angeles Times, a father in the town of Hercules is pissed after a recent search of his 8-year-old daughter's Halloween candy turned up a small baggie of methamphetamine.
dad finds meth in his daughter's halloween candy
Police said that even though the bag contained just a "small amount of meth," it was still enough to be considered a felony if such an amount was ever found by them. They are urging other parents in the town of 23,000 to search through their children's remaining candy to make sure none of it has been tampered with and no other bags of meth were handed out.

Hercules police also said they were working with the father in an attempt to figure out where in a 10-block radius of a "neighborhood known for its white picket fences and Victorian homes" the bag of meth could have come from.

In a related story, one northern California meth-head cannot find his stash for the life of him.

Hey, in some parts of Florida, meth would probably be classified as a treat. Well, unless it came from this guy: Florida City Official Arrested With a Meth Pipe in His Ass

 

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The 12 Most Annoying Things Reality Show Contestants Say

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TOP CHEF -- 1017 -- Pictured: (l-r) Finalists Brooke Williamson, Chris
Is it really possible that every contestant on a reality competition show has never seen another reality competition show? That's the only way I can figure out why almost every contestant insists on constantly saying the same dumb, annoying statements over and over. At this point, I would love for someone to come on and say, "Whatever. If I win it's cool, and if not, that's cool too." I would adore that contestant. Since that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon, we're stuck complaining about the awful contestants. Here are the 12 most annoying things they won't stop saying.

1. "Now It's Personal"
Have you ever noticed the dumber the competition, the more "personal" the competition becomes? It seems as though these people forget that they're competing against each other and not hanging out at summer camp. Of course the person you're going head to head against isn't going to help you cut fabric. That's like a NASCAR driver slowing down to let another driver pass him.

2. "I Can't Believe He Betrayed Our Friendship"
Yeah, isn't it weird that the guy trying to win a million dollars-who knows you're the only thing in the way-doesn't want to be best pals? I have seen people weeping during reality shows about making cupcakes. What sort of emotional downward spiral do you have to be on where someone insulting your frosting can ruin your life? Maybe the cutthroat world of cupcake decorating isn't for you.

3. "I Will Do Whatever It Takes"
No, you won't. You're in a singing competition on cable. Are you telling me you would take a knife and murder a girl because she's a better singer than you? If no, then you're way too dramatic in your interviews. If yes, then you're completely insane and should live in a hollowed out tree in the wilderness.

4. "You Definitely Haven't Heard the Last of Me"
You finished 11th on "The Bachelor." Trust me, we have DEFINITELY heard the last of you.

5. "I'm Not Here to Make Friends"
Why do so many of these contestants talk about friendships? Just once, I want a guy who is ONLY there to make friends. He doesn't even finish his own projects because he's too busy ordering Edible Arrangements for all of his new pals. Then when any of his competitors were being interviewed and starting talking about how they aren't there to make friends, he could pop in and say, "But I am!" Then he'd give them a T-shirt he airbrushed with both of their faces on it. Who would eliminate that guy?

6. Shock Over a Twist
There is always going to be some sort of twist in every episode. Have you ever seen a show where the host said, "OK, your job this week is to make eggs. That's it. Literally nothing else is going to happen." We all know something is going to be added or changed, so why must we sit through the montage of contestants with their jaws on the floor and dramatic music before cutting to a commercial break? Just tell us the dumb twist and move on. The remote is all away across the room so we're not changing the channel.

7. "I'm here to compete and win."
Yeah guy, we know you joined a competition show to win. No one is expecting you to say, "I'm really just here to finish 4th or 5th. I think that would be nice." Also I'd like to point out that you're in a competition to date a burned out rocker from the 80s, so even if you win, you still pretty much lost.


8. "I'm Doing This for My Family"
If your kid needs a heart transplant and you're trying to win Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge to pay for his surgery, then by all means, let us know you're doing it for your family. But usually that is not the case. We get an 8-minute tear-filled montage about a contestant whose dad just found out he has gout. I'll PayPal you the $6 to get him a bottle of Advil if you'll just go away.

9. "No One Is Safe!"
If this is a show about being hunted by wolves, then your statement is completely justified and that Michael Myers-like music is completely justified. We're talking about a reality show hosted by another reality show contestant where you have to lip sync to cabaret songs while doing low impact karate. The only person that isn't safe is whoever got talked into watching this show with their significant other. The best thing that could happen to you is to be sent home so your children don't see this footage.

10. "At the End of the Day, It Comes Down To ..."
Usually this statement ends something like this: "At the end of the day it just comes down to who has the most talent." Wow. Yes, that is such an excellent point. What's your insight on sports? "Well, at the end of the day it comes down to whoever scores the most points." Ah, I see. "At the end of the day this eBay auction just comes down to whoever bids the most money." Fascinating!

11. "I've Made Friendships That Will Last a Lifetime"
You did clown makeup with 36 other people for 3 hours. They're not even going to remember your name tomorrow.


12. Fake Excitement Over a Guest Judge
I know it's a show and you have to pretend to be excited over a guest judge that agreed to be on the show, but you're not going to convince me that Alec Baldwin's costume designer on "It's Complicated" caused you to hyperventilate. We all know they told you guys beforehand and you had to look them up on Wikipedia. You're not fooling us.

 

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Drake Student With Very Little Basketball Talent Wins New Truck by Sinking Half-Court Shot

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With a massive 'fro of red hair, it's safe to assume nothing has coming easy in life for Alex Tillinghast.

But things are looking up for the first-year Drake University student after he somehow found a way to make a lay-up, free throw, three-pointer and half-court shot in just under 30 seconds during the recent Bulldogs Madness event, netting him a brand new Ford F-150 from Noble Auto Group.


Let's be honest: After missing not one but two layups, it looked as though I had a better chance of marrying Kate Upton tonight than Tillinghast had at making a free throw, much less a half-court shot.

But Tillinghast reminded all of us of two very important things when he hit that miraculous half-court shot: The will to succeed can be found in the most unlikely of people, and taking out an insurance policy can often times save your company tens of thousands of dollars.

No offense to Tillinghast, but this half-court shot was just a tad on the sexier side: Cheerleader Sinks Incredible Half-Court Shot

 

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Model Libby Powell is the Cream of the Crop

22-Year-Old Woman Makes Six Figures As A Professional Twerker

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Attention everyone, it might be time to reconsider your career choices.


Meet Jessica Vanessa, the social media star who makes more money in six seconds than many people do all year. How does she do it, you ask? Well, since you seem to be incapable of reading headlines, I'll tell you here as well. She does it by shooting short videos of herself twerking for over two million followers on Vine and other social media outlets.

Yes, the ex-teacher's assistant has built quite the following by doing what the Oxford English Dictionary defines as "dancing to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance."

While she also performs various comedic skits for her followers as well, the large audience was initially built on her, well...I believe the kids call it: "shaking dat ass." It is due to this following, that a number of companies pay her obscene amounts to mention them or their products.

So, feel free to enjoy slaving away at your desk job for your mediocre income. We'll just be over here working on our butt jiggles.


 

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The Pre-Game: QB Toss Challenge

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The Pre-Game: The NFL QB Toss Challenge
Welcome back to "The Pre-Game" with your host Cy Amundson, our show that features everything you care about in the world of sports, social media and comedy. Today's episode features actress Noureen DeWulf and comedian Josh Wolf. Watch as they pick apart the worst in NBA fashion and decide who will be the winner of this week's Thursday night NFL game between the Cleveland Browns and the Cincinnati Bengals with a highly competitive game of QB Toss Challenge.

"The Pre-Game" host and producer Cy Amundson has quickly established himself as one of the nation's fastest rising stand-up comedians. He was a standout performer as a New Face at last summer's Montreal Just For Laughs festival and recently made his television debut on "Conan."

Named CMT's Next Big Comic for 2011, Cy has been on the "Bob and Tom Show" and has performed in the Aspen Comedy Festival, Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the Great American Comedy Festival.

Visit the Home of "The Pre-Game" for more episodes.

 

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