The Ultimate Christmas Gift List For Guys
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The 10 Worst Celebrities of 2014
The following folks made the cut for most annoying people of the year. Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, and Taylor Swift weren't included because I felt they were too easy. Let me remind you this is one man's opinion, and nothing else. So please don't yell at me or I'll cry.
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10. Kirk Cameron
Well...it was the most wonderful time of the year. Until Kirk Cameron came along and placed his religious soapbox on the ground and got on top of it. In this case, his soapbox came in the form of yet another horrible holiday movie called "Saving Christmas". In an attempt to beef up the film's horrible ratings, he asked his devoted fans to head over to Rotten Tomatoes and give it positive reviews. But the trolls of the internet would, thankfully, never let that happen. They made their way over and helped keep "Saving Christmas" where it deserves to be. The movie has a 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and currently holds the title of worst movie on IMDB. Of course, the actor formerly known as Mike Seaver blames it all on an atheist conspiracy.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, Macklemore]()
9. Macklemore
After Macklemore and BFF Ryan Lewis won the Grammy for Best New Artists, the universe collectively groaned when he posted a self-flagellating Instagram pic of his text to Kendrick Lamar apologizing for his victory: "You got robbed," the faux-hawked asshole said.
"Same Love" took them to new heights, a cute ode to cultural sensitivity which won them praise internationally. But Macklemore couldn't walk the walk as he went on stage in Seattle dressed as a caricature of a Jew, having to later apologize to the Anti-Defamation League. He and Lewis hunkered down for awhile until other unflattering gaffs resurfaced, this one from Twitter in June 2009: "watching dykes vs. drag queens play baseball on the hill...this sucks."
From "Same Love":
If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
No, but we read your Tweets, you hypocritical dick.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, Russell Brand]()
8. Russell Brand
Russell Brand fancies himself as "part of the solution." In his anti-establishment book "Revolution" published by rich establishment Penguin Random House, the actor-comedian-a**hole proselytizes about the "corporate tyranny, ecological irresponsibility, and economic inequality" plaguing America. Writing from his quaint Hollywood Hills nook, it apparently never occurred to him that his $15 million net worth isn't exactly part of the average struggle.
He slams religion: "The lumbering monotheistic faiths have given us millennia of grief for a handful of prayers and some sparkly rituals." Now I'm no Bible student, but it seems Brand wants nothing more than to spit fiery sermons high atop his soapbox like a religious preacher. He calls for "global revolution involving radical wealth redistribution," but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him to cough up half his one-percenter salary. Brand is a cringe-worthy contradiction.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, nancy grace]()
7. Nancy Grace
Grace deserves the 21st Century Award for Most Annoying Human ... 84 years early. Everyone hates her, and for good reason.
In April, when The Ultimate Warrior died, Grace leaped onto the story like a pig in sh*t. She launched into sensationalist mode detailing the "prolific death count" of wrestlers who have succumbed to fatal drug abuse. The examples she gave, however, showed a glaring lack of journalistic integrity. Watch the death scroll in the video.
Most wrestlers' deaths had nothing to do with drugs:
Mike Von Erich committed suicide; DJ Peterson crashed his motorcycle; Owen Hart fell 78 feet; Big Dick Dudley died of kidney failure; and Mark Curtis perished from cancer. In the words of comedian Jim Norton, Nancy Grace is a lying pig-vulture.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, donald sterling]()
6. Donald Sterling
On "AC360":
Donald Sterling: "Big Magic Johnson, what has he done?"
Anderson Cooper: "Well, he's a businessperson, he-"
Donald Sterling: "HE'S GOT AIDS."
Watching a borderline-senile octogenarian billionaire fall into the irredeemable clutches of the PC Police is highly entertaining. I laughed a lot. He went on Anderson Cooper and attacked Magic Johnson for having AIDS. Cooper corrected him: "He has HIV. I don't think he has full-blown AIDS." Then Sterling cried.
A 2009 NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award couldn't save him -- and neither could his public plea to consider Magic Johnson's AIDS.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, willow and jaden smith]()
5. Willow & Jaden Smith
The Smiths are astrophysicists without the proper training. They are latter-day philosophers with a more intimate understanding of the universe than you, and if you disagree, you're just an idiot.
From Jaden Smith's Twitter, written like an asshole with each word capitalized:
"All The Rules In This World Were Made By Someone No Smarter Than You. So Make Your Own."
"If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have a Much More Intelligent."
"I Only Apply To The Sixth Amendment."
Coming at you like Neo from "The Matrix," Jaden actually believes we live in a dream world. Willow --that adorable little weirdo --reads quantum physics on her downtime, perhaps digging into the science behind whipping hair. All of this oddness is probably due to their father's believing you can literally turn water into wine, if only you believe.
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4. Pharrell's Hat
There isn't much to say about this other than it is not okay. Go ahead and set fashion trends as much as you like, musicians. But please don't let this be one of them.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, Gwyneth Paltrow]()
3. Gwyneth Paltrow (and What the Hell -- Apple, Too)
Gwyneth Paltrow is so progressive she makes Flo look like a Nazi: "When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat," she said in 2013. "I AM AFRICAN," she implied for a nonprofit. And then the truth: "I am who I am. I can't pretend to be someone who makes $25,000 a year." But you can pretend to be African?
Even her neighbors think she sucks.
When Coldplay's Chris Martin divorced the elitist Paltrow, she said it was a "conscious uncoupling." Everyone held their vomit, and essentially, no one cared. Except for Apple.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, Iggy Azalea]()
2. Iggy Azalea
"Firs' thang's firs' I'm da reelis." No, you're f*cking not.
Azalea -- born Australian as Amethyst Amelia Kelley -- plays a character so fake it's like Rick Moranis auditioning for Alonzo Harris in "Training Day." She sounds like a resident of the Ninth Ward, except I wish Katrina hit her first. Telling Complex in 2013, "I don't think my voice makes me fake; it makes me an artist." No, it makes you a liar. Now write a song about me being a hater and be done with it.
![The 10 Most Annoying People of 2014, bill cosby]()
1. Bill Cosby
The proof is in the pudding: over 25 women have come forward about Cosby's alleged drugging and sexual assault of them. A legend that held the title of America's Dad for nearly half a century, Cosby is now persona non grata. Once a national treasure who advocated for personal responsibility and chocolate pudding, he is now a horrible, horrible man whose lifework is background noise.
10. Kirk Cameron
Well...it was the most wonderful time of the year. Until Kirk Cameron came along and placed his religious soapbox on the ground and got on top of it. In this case, his soapbox came in the form of yet another horrible holiday movie called "Saving Christmas". In an attempt to beef up the film's horrible ratings, he asked his devoted fans to head over to Rotten Tomatoes and give it positive reviews. But the trolls of the internet would, thankfully, never let that happen. They made their way over and helped keep "Saving Christmas" where it deserves to be. The movie has a 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and currently holds the title of worst movie on IMDB. Of course, the actor formerly known as Mike Seaver blames it all on an atheist conspiracy.
9. Macklemore
After Macklemore and BFF Ryan Lewis won the Grammy for Best New Artists, the universe collectively groaned when he posted a self-flagellating Instagram pic of his text to Kendrick Lamar apologizing for his victory: "You got robbed," the faux-hawked asshole said.
"Same Love" took them to new heights, a cute ode to cultural sensitivity which won them praise internationally. But Macklemore couldn't walk the walk as he went on stage in Seattle dressed as a caricature of a Jew, having to later apologize to the Anti-Defamation League. He and Lewis hunkered down for awhile until other unflattering gaffs resurfaced, this one from Twitter in June 2009: "watching dykes vs. drag queens play baseball on the hill...this sucks."
From "Same Love":
If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
No, but we read your Tweets, you hypocritical dick.
8. Russell Brand
Russell Brand fancies himself as "part of the solution." In his anti-establishment book "Revolution" published by rich establishment Penguin Random House, the actor-comedian-a**hole proselytizes about the "corporate tyranny, ecological irresponsibility, and economic inequality" plaguing America. Writing from his quaint Hollywood Hills nook, it apparently never occurred to him that his $15 million net worth isn't exactly part of the average struggle.
He slams religion: "The lumbering monotheistic faiths have given us millennia of grief for a handful of prayers and some sparkly rituals." Now I'm no Bible student, but it seems Brand wants nothing more than to spit fiery sermons high atop his soapbox like a religious preacher. He calls for "global revolution involving radical wealth redistribution," but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him to cough up half his one-percenter salary. Brand is a cringe-worthy contradiction.
7. Nancy Grace
Grace deserves the 21st Century Award for Most Annoying Human ... 84 years early. Everyone hates her, and for good reason.
In April, when The Ultimate Warrior died, Grace leaped onto the story like a pig in sh*t. She launched into sensationalist mode detailing the "prolific death count" of wrestlers who have succumbed to fatal drug abuse. The examples she gave, however, showed a glaring lack of journalistic integrity. Watch the death scroll in the video.
Most wrestlers' deaths had nothing to do with drugs:
Mike Von Erich committed suicide; DJ Peterson crashed his motorcycle; Owen Hart fell 78 feet; Big Dick Dudley died of kidney failure; and Mark Curtis perished from cancer. In the words of comedian Jim Norton, Nancy Grace is a lying pig-vulture.
6. Donald Sterling
On "AC360":
Donald Sterling: "Big Magic Johnson, what has he done?"
Anderson Cooper: "Well, he's a businessperson, he-"
Donald Sterling: "HE'S GOT AIDS."
Watching a borderline-senile octogenarian billionaire fall into the irredeemable clutches of the PC Police is highly entertaining. I laughed a lot. He went on Anderson Cooper and attacked Magic Johnson for having AIDS. Cooper corrected him: "He has HIV. I don't think he has full-blown AIDS." Then Sterling cried.
A 2009 NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award couldn't save him -- and neither could his public plea to consider Magic Johnson's AIDS.
5. Willow & Jaden Smith
The Smiths are astrophysicists without the proper training. They are latter-day philosophers with a more intimate understanding of the universe than you, and if you disagree, you're just an idiot.
From Jaden Smith's Twitter, written like an asshole with each word capitalized:
"All The Rules In This World Were Made By Someone No Smarter Than You. So Make Your Own."
"If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have a Much More Intelligent."
"I Only Apply To The Sixth Amendment."
Coming at you like Neo from "The Matrix," Jaden actually believes we live in a dream world. Willow --that adorable little weirdo --reads quantum physics on her downtime, perhaps digging into the science behind whipping hair. All of this oddness is probably due to their father's believing you can literally turn water into wine, if only you believe.
4. Pharrell's Hat
There isn't much to say about this other than it is not okay. Go ahead and set fashion trends as much as you like, musicians. But please don't let this be one of them.
3. Gwyneth Paltrow (and What the Hell -- Apple, Too)
Gwyneth Paltrow is so progressive she makes Flo look like a Nazi: "When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat," she said in 2013. "I AM AFRICAN," she implied for a nonprofit. And then the truth: "I am who I am. I can't pretend to be someone who makes $25,000 a year." But you can pretend to be African?
Even her neighbors think she sucks.
When Coldplay's Chris Martin divorced the elitist Paltrow, she said it was a "conscious uncoupling." Everyone held their vomit, and essentially, no one cared. Except for Apple.
2. Iggy Azalea
"Firs' thang's firs' I'm da reelis." No, you're f*cking not.
Azalea -- born Australian as Amethyst Amelia Kelley -- plays a character so fake it's like Rick Moranis auditioning for Alonzo Harris in "Training Day." She sounds like a resident of the Ninth Ward, except I wish Katrina hit her first. Telling Complex in 2013, "I don't think my voice makes me fake; it makes me an artist." No, it makes you a liar. Now write a song about me being a hater and be done with it.
1. Bill Cosby
The proof is in the pudding: over 25 women have come forward about Cosby's alleged drugging and sexual assault of them. A legend that held the title of America's Dad for nearly half a century, Cosby is now persona non grata. Once a national treasure who advocated for personal responsibility and chocolate pudding, he is now a horrible, horrible man whose lifework is background noise.
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Katee Owen Brings The Bounce
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Today's Funny Photos
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The 9 Weirdest Weather Games in NFL History
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The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever
Everybody loves a nice-looking Christmas tree, but honestly, they are the bane of most households. First, there's the trek to the lot where you hustle to grab the best tree, along with everyone else. Then, you get home and argue about where to put it and whether or not it's centered, all while making sure Fido doesn't pee on it. So, while we'd like to make fun of the owners of these pathetic Christmas trees, maybe we should applaud them. They simply said, "Ah, f**k it."
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, swamp thing tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, toy tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, leaning tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, tiny tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, tilting and sparse tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, tinsel tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, depressing tree in corner]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, barbie head tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, jager tree]()
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![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, cardboard tree]()
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![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, coke machine tree]()
![The Most Pathetic Christmas Trees Ever, cardboard tree]()
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Six-Year-Old Writes Grandma Heartfelt Letter...Calling Her Poor and Fat
So apparently this grandma has kept this letter around for over 20 years and breaks it out every now and then to embarrass poor Setareh. Hopefully Setareh is a grown woman now who does not judge her grandma based on her financial struggles or her weight problem. And even if she does, hopefully grown Setareh is like the rest of us adults and only judges people behind their back, never to their face.
H/t Happyplace
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These Are The Only Holiday Cards We're Okay With Receiving
Look, I've never understood holiday cards. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with them. Unless you're a member of my immediate family, why are you sending me a photo of you and yours? Some people hang every sing one they receive on the fridge, but I happen to find this "tradition" to be pretty creepy. I hate to break it to you, but your holiday cards go from the envelope they're in to the trash pretty quickly. That is, unless they're as awesome as all of the following cards. Little piece of advice: If you can make your cards anywhere as interesting as these, they'll be on my fridge year round.
![funny christmas cards, funny holiday cards]()
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Florida Man Masturbated Outside Because His Mom Wouldn't Let Him Watch Porn in the House
Well, that's why you wait until she goes to the supermarket.
According to TC Palm, 21-year-old Anthony Smith was arrested last month after he allegedly stood naked in his yard and masturbated.
![Florida man arrested for jerking off in his yard]()
Police said two people complained after they witnessed Smith jacking off in his yard in his birthday suit. When a sheriff's lieutenant arrived on the scene, he found Smith "bending down naked in the driveway" next door. Smith then stood up, ran back to his house and put on some clothes.
When officers questioned him, Smith said he was forced to go outside to punch his clown because his mother banned him from watching porn inside the house. He also claimed walking outside buck naked gave him a high, especially if somebody saw him.
Apparently, seeing a naked grown man cranking it outside didn't give the officers a high, and they charged him with exposure of sexual organs. No word if Smith will spend any time behind bars, but if he does, he might feel quite differently about letting people watch him go to town on himself.
If this guy winds up being Smith's cellmate, it could be one hell of a sitcom: Ohio Man Arrested For Having Sex With Pool Float ... Again
According to TC Palm, 21-year-old Anthony Smith was arrested last month after he allegedly stood naked in his yard and masturbated.
Police said two people complained after they witnessed Smith jacking off in his yard in his birthday suit. When a sheriff's lieutenant arrived on the scene, he found Smith "bending down naked in the driveway" next door. Smith then stood up, ran back to his house and put on some clothes.
When officers questioned him, Smith said he was forced to go outside to punch his clown because his mother banned him from watching porn inside the house. He also claimed walking outside buck naked gave him a high, especially if somebody saw him.
Apparently, seeing a naked grown man cranking it outside didn't give the officers a high, and they charged him with exposure of sexual organs. No word if Smith will spend any time behind bars, but if he does, he might feel quite differently about letting people watch him go to town on himself.
If this guy winds up being Smith's cellmate, it could be one hell of a sitcom: Ohio Man Arrested For Having Sex With Pool Float ... Again
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Mandatory Viewing: There's Something Fishy About This Calendar
Welcome to Mandatory Viewing, our weekly show where we talk sports, politics, current events and really weird Internet videos we hope our children will never see. This week: the strangest calendar out of Deutchland, the latest in fast food mashup hackery, some seriously funny soccer stuff, and more.
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The Most Fearless (or Mentally Deranged) Sports Fans of Winter
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What the Present You Receive for the Holidays Says About You
We're all excited for the holidays because it means we get presents. And who the hell doesn't like presents? But before you get all excited about what you might be getting for the holidays, maybe it's time to consider why you're getting it. That's why we're here to tell you what the present you receive this holiday season says about you.
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Design by Chris Kim
Design by Chris Kim
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week
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450-Pound Convicted Child Molester Wins $3 Million Lottery Prize
Here's a story that will chap your ass something fierce.
According to the Orlando Sentinel, a 450-pound taxicab driver and convicted child molester in Florida recently won a $3 million jackpot in the Super Millions scratch-off game and naturally, people aren't very happy about it.
![Florida child molester wins lottery]()
Florida Lottery officials declined to stop payment of Timothy Poole's lump sum of more than $2.2 million because "there are no laws that prohibit registered sexual predators from playing the numbers and collecting winnings."
Poole pleaded guilty to attempted sexual battery after he was accused of performing sex acts on a nine-year-old boy in 1999. He has also been arrested 11 other times, including once in 1991 for stealing almost $20,000 worth of food stamps.
Perhaps even more disgusting is the fact that Poole has a friend. Floyd Snyder told a Florida television station that he was happy for Poole.
"He's a very positive person," Snyder said. "Very kind. Giving. I think that's why he won. It's Christmas time and the dude deserves a break."
If you're looking for a somewhat positive spin on this story, hey, at least we finally found somebody more undeserving of millionaire status than the Jonas Brothers.
Our Christmas wish is that Poole joins this list: 10 Lottery Winners Who Lost It All
According to the Orlando Sentinel, a 450-pound taxicab driver and convicted child molester in Florida recently won a $3 million jackpot in the Super Millions scratch-off game and naturally, people aren't very happy about it.
Florida Lottery officials declined to stop payment of Timothy Poole's lump sum of more than $2.2 million because "there are no laws that prohibit registered sexual predators from playing the numbers and collecting winnings."
Poole pleaded guilty to attempted sexual battery after he was accused of performing sex acts on a nine-year-old boy in 1999. He has also been arrested 11 other times, including once in 1991 for stealing almost $20,000 worth of food stamps.
Perhaps even more disgusting is the fact that Poole has a friend. Floyd Snyder told a Florida television station that he was happy for Poole.
"He's a very positive person," Snyder said. "Very kind. Giving. I think that's why he won. It's Christmas time and the dude deserves a break."
If you're looking for a somewhat positive spin on this story, hey, at least we finally found somebody more undeserving of millionaire status than the Jonas Brothers.
Our Christmas wish is that Poole joins this list: 10 Lottery Winners Who Lost It All
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For About $16, You Can Get a Signed 'Boob Selfie' From a British Politician's Wife
By the look of things, it must be a pretty damn big picture.
According to the Daily Mail, the wife a British Member of Parliament is selling selfies of herself and her huge breasts because there is a "demand" for it.
![British politician's wife selling boob selfies]()
Karen Danczuk says the idea of selling pictures to her more than 28,000 Twitter followers for roughly 16 bucks is "simply good business sense and a way of interacting with people." The 31-year-old mother of two has had more than 1,000 requests for a signed selfie, which not only comes with a spray of her Chanel perfume but also free shipping and handling.
Danczuk said her husband, Labour MP Simon Danczuk, doesn't seem to have an issue with her sharing her boobs with admirers because he is "used to her taking a business-like attitude" in life.
We can come up with two big reasons why he doesn't mind.
If those tweets didn't do it for you, then these sure as shit will: The 100 Sexiest Twitter Pics
According to the Daily Mail, the wife a British Member of Parliament is selling selfies of herself and her huge breasts because there is a "demand" for it.
Karen Danczuk says the idea of selling pictures to her more than 28,000 Twitter followers for roughly 16 bucks is "simply good business sense and a way of interacting with people." The 31-year-old mother of two has had more than 1,000 requests for a signed selfie, which not only comes with a spray of her Chanel perfume but also free shipping and handling.
Danczuk said her husband, Labour MP Simon Danczuk, doesn't seem to have an issue with her sharing her boobs with admirers because he is "used to her taking a business-like attitude" in life.
We can come up with two big reasons why he doesn't mind.
Morning! Took this when I got in from @nutsfood after 12am whilst drinking a nice cup of tea! @T8crl food was fab! KD pic.twitter.com/bny3DfmgLe
- Cllr Karen Danczuk (@KarenDanczuk) December 7, 2014
I'm ready!!! Wish me luck! KD pic.twitter.com/viPvd60ciS
- Cllr Karen Danczuk (@KarenDanczuk) December 6, 2014
Awwww someone just favourited this photo. I think I look really different now. What a difference a few month make! KD pic.twitter.com/is9w4qcC56
- Cllr Karen Danczuk (@KarenDanczuk) December 5, 2014
@NicolletteNorth I'm wearing this dress for sure!! KD pic.twitter.com/ar8gnMuzaM
- Cllr Karen Danczuk (@KarenDanczuk) November 28, 2014
It's party time! Have a fab Saturday folks! KD #fizz #fun pic.twitter.com/qDDLKJ73L3
- Cllr Karen Danczuk (@KarenDanczuk) November 22, 2014
If those tweets didn't do it for you, then these sure as shit will: The 100 Sexiest Twitter Pics
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How Much Will These Celebrities Cost You?
Did you know Justin Bieber will perform at your bar mitzvah? Or that Paris Hilton will DJ your wedding? For a cost, of course. Here's a rundown of the celebs for hire, as well as their going rates.
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For Paris to grace your party with her "renowned" DJing skills, she'll charge you hourly, at a rate of between $100,000 - $350,000.
1) Kanye
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Kanye once collected a cool $3 million to perform at an Middle Eastern billionaire's daughter's sweet 16. We're guessing she still also got a car. Hell, probably a G6 and a yacht as well.
2) Justin Bieber
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If you've got a million dollars to burn (and very little self-respect) you can book Bieber to serenade the ladies at your private event.
3) The Eagles
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Regardless of how old they are, they refuse to undersell themselves. If you want your very own Eagles extravaganza, that'll be $6 million dollars, please.
4) Paris Hilton
5) Drake
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Why buy a house, when for that same price of just $500,000, you can have Drake sing happy birthday to you?
6) J-Lo
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Jenny from the block charges $1 million to shake it at private parties these days.
7) Adele
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If you're throwing yourself a post-divorce bash accompanied with soulful breakup songs, having Adele there to help you make it through will set you back $750,000.
8) Pharrell
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Need some entertainment on the cheap? Pharrell's rate will make you pretty happy -- he's a steal at $175,000.
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Children of Porn Stars Share Stories About Growing Up
Everyone has that friend with an attractive family member who all the guys make fun of, and if that guy wasn't you, you probably felt very lucky. But now imagine what it would be like if your parent (or some other close relative) was not only good-looking, but also a porn star. This was the subject of a recent AskReddit forum that asked children of porn stars, "How has this affected you growing up?" It's not something that you probably think about often, but the results were fascinating. Here are some of our favorite horrifying, and enlightening, answers:
yodaface:
"Well, my dad was a big porn producer and director in the '70s-'90s. It made him a ton of money but he blew it all gambling. There was always his porn movies and boxes out at his house. Don't know if it affected me. I turned out pretty normal sexually. I did find out Ron Jeremy had sex in my kitchen. So there's that."
Scottishanalysis:
"When I was in the 7th grade, my friend told me that he saw my mom online, and further investigation showed that my mother was on the 'Bang My Wife' series. So my stepdad at the time allowed my mother to perform on another man for his satisfaction. THANKFULLY my friend kept it a secret from other people. Well, not enough to make an impact. I never told my mom and I have a hard time looking at her in the face now. NO I WILL NOT LINK ANY VIDEOS."
W360:
"I have a hard time watching porn, because every once in a while my Dad will pop up. Imagine that, it is pretty weird."
KoolWalrus:
"In ninth grade there was a guy in gym class who's mom was apparently a porn star. He did some pretty weird shit including:
- giving himself a "nipple piercing" with a safety pin
- shitting in the locker room shower
So anyway, one day he brings in pics of his mom and shows them to the class. Nobody really knew how to react. He ended up getting expelled for somehow ripping a water fountain out of the wall."
nakedjedi:
"My mom is a cam whore. B**ch hogs all the bandwidth."
giverofnofucks:
"My dad was a porn star in the '70s. His genes must run strong, because I have a huge dick, a hairy chest and a sweet mustache. Thanks, dad!"
EmilyamI:
"A kid I was in high school with was notorious because his mom was in porn.
Evidently in freshman year he had some friends at his house and they were going through his dad's stuff looking for alcohol. They find his porn stash and decide to watch some porn together (because some guys do that I guess?) It was a VHS and it wasn't rewound, so they started it in the middle.
I guess they're all thoroughly enjoying themselves watching this chick from behind. Then the camera pans to the front and they get a square view of the woman's face. It's the kid's mom.
He never lived it down. Not only was his mom in porn, but he'd been spanking the monkey to her. People would see him walking between classes and yell the name of the actor who was in the scene with her (I don't remember the name now. Mike something, I think).
When he made the football team someone put up still frames of his mom in other films in the locker room. He transferred schools about halfway through sophomore year because he couldn't deal with the mocking."
GentlemenBehold:
"When that kid on XBox live tells me he fucked my mom, it's kinda hard to prove he didn't."
kingoff00ls3:
"I didn't live with her, I was adopted by my grandfather. However I fucked up when I told everyone in elementary school that my mother was a movie star. My parents didn't know how to tell me.
I am Asian and I can't look at Asian porn is one odd thing about it; the fear is real. I don't like hedonistic living as a response to her. Any questions?"
AtlantisLuna:
"One of my friends found pictures of my sister on some revenge porn site in high school. He seemed almost disappointed when I didn't really care. I don't know ... She's ever progressing towards fame, it might be a good thing that her nudes were leaked early on. Besides, I don't know what he expected from me, like ... if anything, it says more about her ex than her, you know?"
LatexBand1t:
"Let's say MILF isn't my favorite category."
Related: 40 Adult Film Stars Without Makeup
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Junk Food Origin Stories
Over the past few decades, very few new items have entered into the junk food pantheon. Fans of trashy eating tend to stick to the perennial favorites that seem to have been around forever, like slightly toxic old friends. But there was a time when each of our sugary or salty snack treats was a brand new addition to stores' shelves and racks. Here are how a few of the old standbys got their start.
Cheez Doodles
![TK]()
Morrie Yohai worked in the Bronx cracker and ice cream cone factory his father founded in the 1920s and he had a problem. The company wanted to begin manufacturing a new salty snack, and no one was coming up with any good ideas. But one day Morrie looked at one of the industrial processing machines they owned and a lightbulb went on. If one were to feed corn meal into the machine the high pressure of the process would shoot it out the other side in a long tube. The tube could then be cut into smaller lengths, covered with orange cheddar and seasonings, and then baked. The result became a junk food classic and -- deservedly -- made Morrie a mint.
Twinkies
![TK]()
One gloomy day during the Great Depression, the manager of a baking plant named James Dewar noticed that the pans the plant used to make shortcakes were idle for most of the year, when strawberries were out of season. He decided profits might increase if those pans were put to use and baked small, sweet cakes into which was piped a banana cream filling. They were named Twinkies and sold two for a nickel. World War II saw a rationing of bananas, so the cream was changed to a vanilla flavor. Eighty years later, Twinkies sell at the rate of 500 million per year.
Tootsie Rolls
![TK]()
Tootsie Rolls occupy a strange place in the candy world because they're ubiquitous ... yet no one actually likes 'em. It's always something of a disappointment to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop and find that lump of the chocolate-flavored taffy. These also-ran treats were invented in New York City in 1905 and very likely might have drifted onto history's candy scrap heap but for one novelty feature: they were the first ever penny candy to be individually wrapped.![TK]()
Walter Deimer was a young accountant at the Fleer Chewing Gum Company who, in 1928, began indulging his interest in the physics of chewing gum. He wanted to create a gum that a chewer could also blow big, non-sticky bubbles with. It took him four months, but he eventually perfected his recipe and brought 100 pieces of the stuff to a local candy store, where it sold out in a few hours. Sales during the first year the gum was introduced topped $1.5 million, but Deimar didn't get a cut. Presumably embittered but quiet about it, he stayed with the company until retiring in 1970 as a senior vice president.
Popsicles
![TK]()
One evening in 1905, the temperature in San Francisco plunged below freezing. Eleven-year-old Frank Epperson had earlier that day mixed himself some powdered soda drink and left a cup of the stuff-with the stirring stick still in it outside overnight. He thought the results looked and tasted pretty good, as did his friends, but Epperson forgot about the whole thing and embarked on a career in real estate. Until one day in the 1920s, when he revisited the idea and applied for a patent. Originally called "Eppsicles," his kids dubbed them "Pop's 'sicles" instead and they currently sell two billion of the things in the United States each year.![TK]()
The Milky Way was America's most popular candy bar in the 1920s and, having once tasted gargantuan success, its creators, Frank and Ethel Mars, wanted a repeat performance. They made a peanut butter nougat, topped it with caramel and peanuts, and coated the whole thing with chocolate. Ethel Mars had won a lot of money betting on a racehorse named Snickers, and the couple decided it would make a fine name for their new confection. Originally, the presence of all those peanuts led the Mars company to market Snickers as a health food for athletes. No one was fooled, but, given the mammoth sales, no one much cared.
Cheez Doodles
Morrie Yohai worked in the Bronx cracker and ice cream cone factory his father founded in the 1920s and he had a problem. The company wanted to begin manufacturing a new salty snack, and no one was coming up with any good ideas. But one day Morrie looked at one of the industrial processing machines they owned and a lightbulb went on. If one were to feed corn meal into the machine the high pressure of the process would shoot it out the other side in a long tube. The tube could then be cut into smaller lengths, covered with orange cheddar and seasonings, and then baked. The result became a junk food classic and -- deservedly -- made Morrie a mint.
Twinkies
One gloomy day during the Great Depression, the manager of a baking plant named James Dewar noticed that the pans the plant used to make shortcakes were idle for most of the year, when strawberries were out of season. He decided profits might increase if those pans were put to use and baked small, sweet cakes into which was piped a banana cream filling. They were named Twinkies and sold two for a nickel. World War II saw a rationing of bananas, so the cream was changed to a vanilla flavor. Eighty years later, Twinkies sell at the rate of 500 million per year.
Tootsie Rolls
Tootsie Rolls occupy a strange place in the candy world because they're ubiquitous ... yet no one actually likes 'em. It's always something of a disappointment to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop and find that lump of the chocolate-flavored taffy. These also-ran treats were invented in New York City in 1905 and very likely might have drifted onto history's candy scrap heap but for one novelty feature: they were the first ever penny candy to be individually wrapped.
Dubble Bubble
Walter Deimer was a young accountant at the Fleer Chewing Gum Company who, in 1928, began indulging his interest in the physics of chewing gum. He wanted to create a gum that a chewer could also blow big, non-sticky bubbles with. It took him four months, but he eventually perfected his recipe and brought 100 pieces of the stuff to a local candy store, where it sold out in a few hours. Sales during the first year the gum was introduced topped $1.5 million, but Deimar didn't get a cut. Presumably embittered but quiet about it, he stayed with the company until retiring in 1970 as a senior vice president.
Popsicles
One evening in 1905, the temperature in San Francisco plunged below freezing. Eleven-year-old Frank Epperson had earlier that day mixed himself some powdered soda drink and left a cup of the stuff-with the stirring stick still in it outside overnight. He thought the results looked and tasted pretty good, as did his friends, but Epperson forgot about the whole thing and embarked on a career in real estate. Until one day in the 1920s, when he revisited the idea and applied for a patent. Originally called "Eppsicles," his kids dubbed them "Pop's 'sicles" instead and they currently sell two billion of the things in the United States each year.
Snickers
The Milky Way was America's most popular candy bar in the 1920s and, having once tasted gargantuan success, its creators, Frank and Ethel Mars, wanted a repeat performance. They made a peanut butter nougat, topped it with caramel and peanuts, and coated the whole thing with chocolate. Ethel Mars had won a lot of money betting on a racehorse named Snickers, and the couple decided it would make a fine name for their new confection. Originally, the presence of all those peanuts led the Mars company to market Snickers as a health food for athletes. No one was fooled, but, given the mammoth sales, no one much cared.
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Today's Funny Photos
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The Greatest Bodysuit and CGI Actors in Film History
Acting is a lot tougher than it looks, so imagine how tough acting is when you're wearing fifty pounds of hot foam rubber and trying to spot your cues through a peephole the size of a penny. Dedicated bodysuit and greenscreen performers are more important than ever with so many new sci-fi and superhero films coming up, but few of them earn widespread recognition. Let's see if we can change that with this list of the greatest suited-up actors.
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, HARUO NAKAJIMA]()
The next time you watch "Seven Samurai," keep an eye out for a burly bandit who gets carved up by Kyuzo. That'll be Haruo Nakajima, who later that same year would find himself in a hot rubber suit stomping around scale-model Tokyo as Godzilla. Nakajima had a few later appearances in the flesh (including two more Kurosawa films) but soon became Toho's most prized kaiju actor, appearing as Godzilla, Ultraman, and King Kong. Nakajima wore the heavy, clumsy, and occasionally flammable Godzilla suits for 18 years and 12 films, retiring after his longtime friend and director Eiji Tsuburaya died. (Photo credit: Pinterest)
![Lord Of The Rings Two Towers: the character Gollum who's role is crucial to the journey of Frodo and Sam--Gollum's movements are performed via computer program by actor Andy Serkis. Photo: New Line Cinema]()
Hollywood traditionalists typically don't recognize motion-capture and bodysuit work as "real acting," but the success of Andy Serkis may change their tune. His most famous performance is undoubtedly Gollum from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, which was compelling enough that many argued that he deserved an Oscar nomination for supporting actor, but Serkis has also played King Kong, Godzilla, and Tintin's Captain Haddock. Serkis has also played many roles outside of a mocap suit, as an actor, director, and motion capture consultant for film, TV, and video games. (Photo credit: Warner Bros. Pictures/Photofest)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, DOUG JONES]()
Tall and slender but capable of folding himself into any outfit, actor and former contortionist Doug Jones is best known for his association with Guillermo del Toro. For "Pan's Labyrinth," Jones donned heavy prosthetics to play both Pan and the Pale Man, although he said later the most difficult part of the shoot was having to learn Spanish. Jones was also an indispensable part of the "Hellboy" films, playing fishy partner Abe Sapien as well as the gigantic Angel of Death--a character rig so heavy and full of mechanisms that it badly cut Jones' back, although he didn't mention the injury until finishing his scenes. (Photo credit: Picturehouse/Photofest)
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To get the part of Chewbacca, 7' 3" Peter Mayhew modestly claims that all he had to do was stand up. That may have been true at first, but Mayhew took his job as seriously as anyone can take a job where you play a walking carpet with a laser crossbow. The English actor spent time at the zoo studying the movements of large animals to develop movements and mannerisms for Chewie that turned out to be crucial to the character: when Mayhew fell ill during "Empire Strikes Back," other tall actors took turns in the Wookiee suit, but none of them made it look "real" enough and Mayhew ended up re-shooting almost all of the scenes he'd first missed out on. Mayhew doesn't do much suit acting today, but he did put in an appearance in "Episode III" and regularly gets in costume to visit sick children at hospitals near his Texas home.
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, BOLAJI BADEJO]()
Trying to bring HR Giger's grotesque creation to life was "Alien's" biggest problem, as it seemed impossible to find a stuntman tall and thin enough that the complicated suit didn't make him look like a penis-headed alien linebacker. The crew was even tentatively auditioning supermodels until casting director Peter Archer met 6' 10" Nigerian design student Bolaji Badejo in a Soho bar and asked him to come visit the set. Badejo, who had never acted before or since, readily agreed and spent the next few months working closely with Giger and Ridley Scott, learning tai chi and mime and spending hours developing the alien's sinister, graceful movements. Cast and crew remember the patient, good-natured Badejo being a valuable calming influence on the often hectic set, at least when his "head" was off. In full costume, the amateur actor was supposedly so deep in his role that when actress Veronica Cartwright was asked how she feigned fear on set, she responded "I didn't do anything; I just had to look at him." (Photo credit: Webodysseum)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, TOM WOODRUFF JR]()
For "Aliens," James Cameron was obviously going to need more than one alien, and the original costume was going to be too heavy and ungainly for the sorts of frenetic action scenes he was planning anyway. Enter Stan Winston Studios with a batch of simplified alien suits and designer/performer Tom Woodruff Jr., who designed and built his costumes knowing that he'd personally have to be doing a lot of strenuous work in them. Woodruff ended up doing even more work in the alien suit than he had predicted, returning to design and perform the critter in every single installment of the "Alien" franchise except "Prometheus." (Photo credit: Youtube)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, KEVIN PETER HALL]()
Jean-Claude van Damme was originally cast to play 1987's "Predator," but balked upon learning that instead of a light makeup job, the title role entailed fighting and acting in a hot, heavy rubber suit that would make it difficult if not impossible to do cocaine. Casting about for a replacement, the crew came across 7' 2" Kevin Peter Hall. Hall had played basketball in Venezuela professionally before becoming an actor, granting him the stamina and strength necessary to go hand-to-hand against Arnold Schwarzenegger in 200 pounds of foam rubber in a sweltering Mexican jungle. Despite a sophisticated cooling system plumbed into the suit, Hall could only manage about two hours of suit work before passing out, but cast and crew alike remembered him as remarkably easy-going, especially compared to the grouchy Van Damme. Hall went on to play the Predator again in the sequel, as well as the considerably less intimidating Harry from "Harry and the Hendersons," before succumbing to complications from HIV. After his passing, the Predator crew reunited to film a brief documentary commemorating the actor they fondly recalled as "the guy in the suit." (Photo credit: 20th Century-Fox/Photofest)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, BRIAN STEELE]()
Brian "Creature Boy" Steele's career in prosthetics arguably began as Frankenstein's monster at Universal Studios Theme Park, but didn't really take off until he came in to replace Kevin Peter Hall on the "Harry and the Hendersons" TV series. This led to a string of suit roles where his energetic performances caught the eye of casting directors, even though he rarely received film credit. His "breakout moment" was his role as the demon Sammael in "Hellboy," a highly physical and agile performance that Steele trained for by bicycling 40 km to the set every day. Today, his CV includes spots on "Underworld," "Avatar," "Terminator," and (again revisiting a role that Kevin Peter Hall made famous) "Predators." (Photo credit: Sony/Photofest)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, JOHN ALEXANDER]()
Since his costumed debut in 1984, casting directors have known that when you want a monkey, you call John Alexander. Trained in ballet and acrobatics from an early age, Alexander answered a casting call for "Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan" and ended up becoming one of the most oddly type-casted performers in Hollywood, playing gorillas in "Gorillas in the Mist," "Mighty Joe Young," "Planet of the Apes," and dozens of TV spots where directors knew no ordinary guy in a gorilla costume would do. Alexander's non-ape roles have been notable as well, including spots on the first two "Men in Black" films and a double role in "Hellboy II" as the ecto-suit of Johann Krauss and the Bethmoora Goblin. (Photo credit: Wyrdsuff)
![The Best Bodysuit Actors, IAN WHYTE]()
After nine years playing basketball internationally, Ian Whyte decided to switch sports to the most dangerous game of all: appearing in the critically reviled "Aliens vs. Predator" series. Whyte played multiple Predators, switching costume details throughout the day, and his lithe and athletic performance earned him enough suit-actor cred that he was tapped to play the Engineer in "Prometheus"...which also sucked, but not nearly as much as AvP, and again not due to Whyte's solemn, spooky performance. Today, Whyte seems to have finally landed a part in a decent project as a Giant in "Game of Thrones," although if you dig out your season 2 DVD you might also know him as one of three guys who've played Gregor Clegane. (Photo credit: Alienepredatoritalia)
HARUO NAKAJIMA
The next time you watch "Seven Samurai," keep an eye out for a burly bandit who gets carved up by Kyuzo. That'll be Haruo Nakajima, who later that same year would find himself in a hot rubber suit stomping around scale-model Tokyo as Godzilla. Nakajima had a few later appearances in the flesh (including two more Kurosawa films) but soon became Toho's most prized kaiju actor, appearing as Godzilla, Ultraman, and King Kong. Nakajima wore the heavy, clumsy, and occasionally flammable Godzilla suits for 18 years and 12 films, retiring after his longtime friend and director Eiji Tsuburaya died. (Photo credit: Pinterest)
ANDY SERKIS
Hollywood traditionalists typically don't recognize motion-capture and bodysuit work as "real acting," but the success of Andy Serkis may change their tune. His most famous performance is undoubtedly Gollum from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, which was compelling enough that many argued that he deserved an Oscar nomination for supporting actor, but Serkis has also played King Kong, Godzilla, and Tintin's Captain Haddock. Serkis has also played many roles outside of a mocap suit, as an actor, director, and motion capture consultant for film, TV, and video games. (Photo credit: Warner Bros. Pictures/Photofest)
DOUG JONES
Tall and slender but capable of folding himself into any outfit, actor and former contortionist Doug Jones is best known for his association with Guillermo del Toro. For "Pan's Labyrinth," Jones donned heavy prosthetics to play both Pan and the Pale Man, although he said later the most difficult part of the shoot was having to learn Spanish. Jones was also an indispensable part of the "Hellboy" films, playing fishy partner Abe Sapien as well as the gigantic Angel of Death--a character rig so heavy and full of mechanisms that it badly cut Jones' back, although he didn't mention the injury until finishing his scenes. (Photo credit: Picturehouse/Photofest)
PETER MAYHEW
To get the part of Chewbacca, 7' 3" Peter Mayhew modestly claims that all he had to do was stand up. That may have been true at first, but Mayhew took his job as seriously as anyone can take a job where you play a walking carpet with a laser crossbow. The English actor spent time at the zoo studying the movements of large animals to develop movements and mannerisms for Chewie that turned out to be crucial to the character: when Mayhew fell ill during "Empire Strikes Back," other tall actors took turns in the Wookiee suit, but none of them made it look "real" enough and Mayhew ended up re-shooting almost all of the scenes he'd first missed out on. Mayhew doesn't do much suit acting today, but he did put in an appearance in "Episode III" and regularly gets in costume to visit sick children at hospitals near his Texas home.
BOLAJI BADEJO
Trying to bring HR Giger's grotesque creation to life was "Alien's" biggest problem, as it seemed impossible to find a stuntman tall and thin enough that the complicated suit didn't make him look like a penis-headed alien linebacker. The crew was even tentatively auditioning supermodels until casting director Peter Archer met 6' 10" Nigerian design student Bolaji Badejo in a Soho bar and asked him to come visit the set. Badejo, who had never acted before or since, readily agreed and spent the next few months working closely with Giger and Ridley Scott, learning tai chi and mime and spending hours developing the alien's sinister, graceful movements. Cast and crew remember the patient, good-natured Badejo being a valuable calming influence on the often hectic set, at least when his "head" was off. In full costume, the amateur actor was supposedly so deep in his role that when actress Veronica Cartwright was asked how she feigned fear on set, she responded "I didn't do anything; I just had to look at him." (Photo credit: Webodysseum)
TOM WOODRUFF JR
For "Aliens," James Cameron was obviously going to need more than one alien, and the original costume was going to be too heavy and ungainly for the sorts of frenetic action scenes he was planning anyway. Enter Stan Winston Studios with a batch of simplified alien suits and designer/performer Tom Woodruff Jr., who designed and built his costumes knowing that he'd personally have to be doing a lot of strenuous work in them. Woodruff ended up doing even more work in the alien suit than he had predicted, returning to design and perform the critter in every single installment of the "Alien" franchise except "Prometheus." (Photo credit: Youtube)
KEVIN PETER HALL
Jean-Claude van Damme was originally cast to play 1987's "Predator," but balked upon learning that instead of a light makeup job, the title role entailed fighting and acting in a hot, heavy rubber suit that would make it difficult if not impossible to do cocaine. Casting about for a replacement, the crew came across 7' 2" Kevin Peter Hall. Hall had played basketball in Venezuela professionally before becoming an actor, granting him the stamina and strength necessary to go hand-to-hand against Arnold Schwarzenegger in 200 pounds of foam rubber in a sweltering Mexican jungle. Despite a sophisticated cooling system plumbed into the suit, Hall could only manage about two hours of suit work before passing out, but cast and crew alike remembered him as remarkably easy-going, especially compared to the grouchy Van Damme. Hall went on to play the Predator again in the sequel, as well as the considerably less intimidating Harry from "Harry and the Hendersons," before succumbing to complications from HIV. After his passing, the Predator crew reunited to film a brief documentary commemorating the actor they fondly recalled as "the guy in the suit." (Photo credit: 20th Century-Fox/Photofest)
BRIAN STEELE
Brian "Creature Boy" Steele's career in prosthetics arguably began as Frankenstein's monster at Universal Studios Theme Park, but didn't really take off until he came in to replace Kevin Peter Hall on the "Harry and the Hendersons" TV series. This led to a string of suit roles where his energetic performances caught the eye of casting directors, even though he rarely received film credit. His "breakout moment" was his role as the demon Sammael in "Hellboy," a highly physical and agile performance that Steele trained for by bicycling 40 km to the set every day. Today, his CV includes spots on "Underworld," "Avatar," "Terminator," and (again revisiting a role that Kevin Peter Hall made famous) "Predators." (Photo credit: Sony/Photofest)
JOHN ALEXANDER
Since his costumed debut in 1984, casting directors have known that when you want a monkey, you call John Alexander. Trained in ballet and acrobatics from an early age, Alexander answered a casting call for "Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan" and ended up becoming one of the most oddly type-casted performers in Hollywood, playing gorillas in "Gorillas in the Mist," "Mighty Joe Young," "Planet of the Apes," and dozens of TV spots where directors knew no ordinary guy in a gorilla costume would do. Alexander's non-ape roles have been notable as well, including spots on the first two "Men in Black" films and a double role in "Hellboy II" as the ecto-suit of Johann Krauss and the Bethmoora Goblin. (Photo credit: Wyrdsuff)
IAN WHYTE
After nine years playing basketball internationally, Ian Whyte decided to switch sports to the most dangerous game of all: appearing in the critically reviled "Aliens vs. Predator" series. Whyte played multiple Predators, switching costume details throughout the day, and his lithe and athletic performance earned him enough suit-actor cred that he was tapped to play the Engineer in "Prometheus"...which also sucked, but not nearly as much as AvP, and again not due to Whyte's solemn, spooky performance. Today, Whyte seems to have finally landed a part in a decent project as a Giant in "Game of Thrones," although if you dig out your season 2 DVD you might also know him as one of three guys who've played Gregor Clegane. (Photo credit: Alienepredatoritalia)
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