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Winter's Weirdest Sports

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When the temperature drops most of us want to hibernate. But there are a few folks out there that enjoy freezing their faces off while taking part in foolish-looking or downright frightening frosty sports and activities. Check out a few of our favorites.

Acroski
arctic sports
Also known as "ski ballet," this demonstration sport had its heyday in the '70s because, well, look at the uniforms! Choreographed snow dances were performed, both by solo athletes and in pairs, and they were set to music. Sadly (?) the International Ski Federation ceased to recognize formal acroski competitions in 2000.
Skijoring
arctic sports
Like dogsledding -- but on skis, and tethered to a horse -- skijoring comes to us from the Scandis (the word translates into "ski driving" in Norwegian). Most races cover 5km to 20km, but the longest official skijor competition is in Russia, and the course is 440km (270mi) long (though that race uses huskies rather than horses).

Ice Diving
arctic sports
This sounds insane to us ... but appeals to some. A dry suit's required, as well as fully protective gear, because fresh water beneath a crust of ice is still generally in the low 30s, temp-wise. The sport's only for advanced divers, as there is generally only one entry and exit point, and a ceiling keeping you away from sweet, holy oxygen at all times.
Ice Sailing
arctic sports
Slap some rudders affixed with metal runners on the bottom of your flat-bottom boat, add a few extra layers to your general sailing attire, and you're good to go. Ice sailing is super popular in places like Austria and Germany, but was also the cool-kids sport of choice along the Hudson in New York way back in 1790.
Ice Climbing
arctic sports
You've likely heard of ice climbing before, but we wanted to include it because it looks like one of the craziest things a person would want to try. Ice falls and frozen waterfalls set the scene for this sport, which uses a grading system that goes from WI2 (a 60 degree slant to the ice, that can be climbed using an ice axe) to WI7 (described as "near mythical," sustained overhangs with no rests).

Ice Kayaking
arctic sports
Get back in your boat in order to get up close and personal with humpback whales, porpoises, glaciers and gobsmacking scenery when you take to a place like Alaska's Glacier Bay National Park in a one-man sea kayak.
Pentathlon
arctic sports
Take a biathlon (cross-country skiing followed by rifle shooting) and amp it up by adding fencing, horse jumping, a freestyle swim, and replacing the cross-country skiing bit with a running race, and you've got the pentathlon.

Shovel Racing
arctic sports
What looks like a poor man's take on snowboarding, shovel racing was included in the 1997 Winter X Games, but was later banned due to the inherent danger to shovel slayers.
Snow Kayaking
arctic sports
Also known as "snowboating" (but we can't say that without snickering, opening up Urban Dictionary in a new tab, and promptly being contacted by our IT Department), this sport's officially been around since 2002. You can snowboat solo (HA) or against three other snow kayakers.

Ice Bar Drinking
arctic sports
Finally, one we'd be good at! Ice bars are increasingly popular across Europe, where ice hotels are set up seasonally and people hand over their hard-earned cash to sleep in what amounts to an igloo with Wifi. Most include a bar made of ice where you no doubt will order something toasty.

 

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These Ugly Christmas Sweaters Will Make Your Eyes Hurt

Wisconsin Man Blames Potential 10th DUI on Beer-Battered Fish

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Now, if he would have said it was a result of the Fireball pumpkin pie he had for dessert, we might have believed him.

According to the Chicago Tribune, a 73-year-old man in the town of Friendship faces his 10th drunken driving offense after he failed a field sobriety test during a recent traffic stop.

Wisconsin man blames 10th DUI on beer-battered fish
When an Adams County sheriff's deputy stopped John Przybyla in October for "a broken tail light and erratic driving," Przybyla's breath reeked of booze, so the deputy asked him how much he had been drinking. Przybyla said he didn't have a drop of alcohol and instead blamed it on the beer-battered fish he had eaten at a fish fry.

So, either Przybyla consumed a shit ton of fried haddock or he was lying, because he failed a field sobriety test and blew a .062 when he was issued a blood alcohol test. If it holds up in court next month, it will be his tenth drunken driving conviction.

Przybyla spent one year in the clink for a DUI conviction in 2011, and that was followed by five years of extended supervision. That apparently isn't going very well.

In a related story, Przybyla's last name is a damn nightmare.

This guy seems just a tad happier about his DUI: Man Wearing 'Drunk As Shit' Shirt Arrested for DUI

 

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20 of the Absolute Worst Christmas Gifts Ever Given

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There is a malady that comes every Christmas season, and it's called 'Present Face.' You know, that surprised look/polite smile that is totally fake when you are given a gift that is stupid or inappropriate. We've all been there. Weird sweaters from grandma. Socks from your mom. "Just what I wanted!" Well, the following people have us all beat when they shared on Reddit the worst, most hilariously inappropriate gifts ever given. Consider yourselves lucky.

20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, batteries gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, taxonomy book gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, pregnancy test gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, markers gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, long johns gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, abacus gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, used cookbook gift
20 worst christmas gifts ever given, rice cooker gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, glitter tattoo gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, cigarette lighter gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, stainless steel wok gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, rock in paper gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, aligator head gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, block cars gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, decorative bowl gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, 3D poster gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, toilet bowl cleaner gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, miniature stapler gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, used underwear gift
20 of the worst christmas gifts ever given, gold chain gift
h/t Izismile

 

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15 Hilarious GIFs of People Eating It

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If the bigger a person is the harder they fall, perhaps the men and women in the following gallery of hilarious wipeouts should have done a little less swinging for the fences. Or swinging at all, for that matter. But with GIFs this funny, it's not about how badly that person failed, but how much joy they've given all of us because of it. Let the fails begin.

fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs
fat people fail GIFs, people eating it GIFs

 

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Pornhub Says American Men Prefer Butts Over Boobs

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boobs vs butts, morgan hultgren
Then there is North Dakota, where they can't seem to get enough porn featuring pregnant women.

According to Uproxx, the Pornhub Insights team partnered with YouPorn to determine once and for all whether American porn users prefer butts or boobs. And since the reading level in the United States is deteriorating faster than Justin Bieber's career, they used a color-coded map to make it easy to see which states prefer the booty and which ones like them some jugs. (Header photo credit: Morgan Hultgren)

boobs vs butts US map
But when it comes to what porngoers around the globe prefer, the battle isn't such a landslide. With the exception of Egypt, it looks like the entire continent of Africa is all about that ass. But thanks to those sneaky Russians and the majority of Europe, "boobs" makes an unbelievable comeback and pretty much evens the score.

boobs vs butts world map
And if you thought there was more to do in North Dakota, South Dakota and Wyoming outside of spanking it, think again. Pornhub says that people in those three states lead the way when it comes to searching for pregnant porn for diddling themselves.

pregnant porn US map
Sorry, ladies. It looks like a pregnant woman doesn't stand a chance in California.

Find out what smut guys and girls are searching for right now: Porn Site Has New Live Search and It's Hysterical

 

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Paige Hathaway Proves Being Fit is Very Fine


The Most Epic Holiday Light Fails

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Decking the halls is no easy feat -- but these ten home owners've provided us with both holiday cheer and comic relief. Welcome to the best, worst, and unintentionally hilarious holiday light displays from around the web!
1) Not Feeling It
But bonus points for participation!
2) Christmas Excitement
Looks like someone's on the Naughty List this year.
3) Elf Execution
Nothing like using a light to make sure everyone sees your tiny carousel ... of nightmares.
4) Santa's Relief
Too much milk, not enough cookies. Thank God.
6) Reindeer Games
It is the most romantic time of the year, after all.
7) A Very Merry Hunter's Christmas
Let this serve as a warning to the reindeers who have an affinity for running over innocent grandmas.
8) A Minimalist's Christmas
We can hear the hipsters swooning from here.
9) Christmas in the South
That's how we do it here in 'BAMA.
10) When Christmas Meets Halloween

Not even Santa survives.

 

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Paige Ocktobur is a Gorgeous Golf Gal

What Your Favorite Dance Move Says About You

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They say that guys should learn how to dance because how you move and groove on the dance floor tells women a lot about how you smush and push in bed. We don't necessarily think that's true because doing the Macarena with your special lady would probably result in a sports hernia and a trip to the emergency room for both of you. However, we do believe that the way you like to dance says a lot about the rest of your personality.

what your favorite dance says about you

 

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The 10 Most Interesting Cases of Lost or Forgotten Time Capsules

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Time capsules are a lot like a $20 bill you throw in your back pocket: if you forget about it until you do a load of laundry, you are in for a pleasant surprise. However, if you merely think you put it in your pocket, the disappointment you feel when it isn't there can't be measured. Such is the case with the following list of lost or forgotten time capsules, as they were either buried and never found, or discovered without the recollection of being buried in the first place.

Lost: City of Corona Time Capsules
lost forgotten time capsules, city of corona
We'll start with a very famous lost capsule case out of Corona, California in the mid-1980s. Listed as one of the "9 Most Wanted Time Capsules" by the International Time Capsule Society (ITCS), the city planned to open a series of 17 capsules for a Labor Day celebration that were buried by former Corona High School students dating as far back as the 1930s. However, upon excavation, it was discovered that the capsules were, well, undiscoverable. Or at least they weren't buried where everyone thought they were. It is assumed the capsules were either lost when the school relocated and became the site of the Corona Civic Center, or former students simply forgot where they were buried. Recent attempts to find the capsules using radar technology have also come up empty, so we may never know the treasures they hold.

Forgotten: "M*A*S*H" Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, mash, m*a*s*h
Speaking of Radar, fans of the long-running war dramedy "M*A*S*H" might be happy to hear that in January 1983, around the time the series was coming to a close, cast members secretly gathered memorabilia from the show and buried it somewhere in the 20th Century Fox parking lot in Los Angeles. Incidentally, the penultimate episode revolved around the very same concept, and was technically the last episode shot. Sadly, once the series ended, the piece of land the capsule was buried under was sold. When a construction worker found the buried capsule, he contacted actor Alan Alda, who'd assumed the capsule would be underground for 100 years or more. Somewhat disappointed, Alda told the worker to simply keep it, a fact which wasn't revealed until Alda's book, Never Have Your Dog Stuffed And Other Things I've Learned, was published in September 2005. Prior to this, it had remained a mystery, as well as another of the ITCS's "Most Wanted."

Lost (& nearly forgotten): Steve Jobs Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, steve jobs
During the International Design Conference held in Aspen, Colorado in 1983, which was themed "The Future Isn't What It Used To Be," Apple founder Steve Jobs gave a riveting speech in which he predicted such technological achievements as the iPad and wireless networking. Afterwards, he contributed his Apple Lisa mouse to a time capsule which was not to be unearthed until the year 2000. Among the thousands of other items inside included a Rubik's cube, a Moody Blues eight-track, and a six pack of beer for whoever dug it up in the future. Alas, 2000 rolled around and the capsule was never unearthed, rarely even mentioned until a 2012 blog article by Marcel Brown brought it back to light. Apparently, the capsule had indeed been lost since 2000, with landscaping by new owners having attributed to the capsule's shift in location. In 2013, the lost capsule was finally discovered by National Geographic's "Diggers" TV series. And yes, the beer was still intact.

Forgotten: MIT Cyclotron Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, mit cyclotron
What is it with geniuses and misplacing their time capsules? Word to the wise (and hyperintelligent dogs, we suppose): if you're going to bury something you intend to dig up later, don't place a 36,000-pound magnet on top of it. Sure, it's a great site marker, but it might be a bit impossible to move. This is a lesson Massachusetts Institute of Technology students learned the hard way in 1939 after building a cyclotron particle accelerator on top of a time capsule they planned to unearth 50 years later. To their credit, this wasn't exactly intentional. They simply forgot they put the capsule there until it was too late. While the cyclotron was deactivated years ago, the 18-ton magnet still remains immovable. And sadly, so does the time capsule underneath.

Lost: Franklin High School Time Capsules
lost forgotten time capsules, franklin high school
Anyone who's ever declared that school is a big waste of time might actually be onto something when it comes to Franklin, Massachusetts. Well, when it comes to burying time capsules, at least. Much like the case in Corona, five different time capsules from the classes of 1977, 1979, 1983, 1984, and 2000 have gone missing outside of Franklin High School due to construction of a new school in its place. The big difference here is that administrators don't really seem to care, with Superintendent Maureen Sabolinski stating back in June that they have no plans to comb through the rubble. She even encouraged alumni to do it themselves if they felt so inclined. This has former members of said classes rightly miffed, with many stating the school clearly doesn't care about history. In the end, a one day "last-ditch effort" was approved by Town Administrator Jeff Nutting, but to no avail. We smell a future ITCS "Most Wanted" hall of famer.

Forgotten: Old State House Lion Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, old state house lion
Back in September, it was discovered that the majestic lion atop Boston's Old State House was put there for more than just decoration. As it turns out, it had been housing a long forgotten time capsule under its crown for 113 years. The problem? Similar to MIT, it was difficult to get to without damaging the historic statue around it. But low and behold, within a month, the Bostonian Society was able to remove the brass box inside the lion's head, which was said to contain such items as presidential campaign buttons for Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley, photographs, and letters from previous Boston politicians. Since then, the lion has been restored to its position atop the Old State house, complete with a new time capsule for future generations. Let's hope they do a better job remembering it's there than we did.

Lost: Bicentennial Wagon Train Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, bicentennial wagon train
The Bicentennial Wagon Train time capsule case is not only the ITCS's number one "Most Wanted" time capsule of all time, but also the ultimate case of having the rug pulled out from under Americans everywhere. In 1976, 50 horse-drawn wagons traveled from the West Coast to Valley Forge in celebration of 200 years of American independence, collecting the signatures of 22 million citizens on special commemorative scrolls along the way. The ultimate goal was to place the scrolls (including that of President Gerald Ford) in a time capsule when they arrived at their destination on July 4th. Sadly, while sitting in an unattended van during the bicentennial celebration, the scrolls were stolen, never reaching their final destination. To this day, the thief or thieves have never been identified, nor the scrolls recovered.

Forgotten: Washington Monument Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, washington monument
On occasion, discovering a time capsule comes with as much potential risk as reward. Such was the case with a small copper box found behind a Defender's Day centennial plaque in the Washington Monument this past October. The box, a time capsule dating back to September 12, 1915, is said to contain commemorative programs and copies of The Baltimore Sun, among other historic items. The problem lies with the fact that the box was discovered due to interior plaster finish restoration being done to the monument due to water damage. That being the case, it is feared the time capsule has sustained substantial damage, as well. Currently, the restoration committee remains apprehensive to open it.

Lost: Village of Cygnet Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, village of cygnet
Ahh, Cygnet, Ohio - a village rich with history; if only they could find it. We figured we'd kick things up a notch by jumping into a current mystery time capsule case that both A) hasn't been solved yet as far as we've been able to gather, and B) our readers may be able to shed some light on. Cygnet celebrated its 125th anniversary in 2014, but as of two days before the big August 9th ceremony, the town was unable to find the 75th anniversary time capsule they'd hoped to open during the festivities. Mayor Nancy Myers has even gone as far as removing the village's water tower to locate the capsule, with no such luck. Any information may be useful and should be reported to the village's mayor or council members. Just don't be a Vaun Wickerham. That's not helping anyone.

Forgotten: Betty Klug Time Capsule
lost forgotten time capsules, betty klug, bruce klug
Since Mandatory is known for our heartwarming human interest pieces first and foremost, it's probably best to end our list on an uplifting note. In a case that could only be described as bittersweet, contractor John Murry stumbled upon a time capsule back in April while restoring a four-bedroom home in North Phoenix. The capsule was left there by the late Betty Klug, and contained family photos and a handwritten letter detailing the world she was living in at the time. The letter was dated September 27, 1966, which also happened to be the birthday of her widowed husband, Bruce, who was more surprised than anyone to see the contents of the capsule. Sadly, Betty was killed in a car crash ten years after leaving the capsule. But her memory now lives on through the final gift she left behind, and illustrates just how much impact a time capsule can truly have on the future.

 

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10 Highly Anticipated Films That Were Hurt by Being Leaked Before Release

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When it comes to acting like pirates, everybody is on board--unless of course it involves film piracy. Some of the most highly anticipated box office films that have leaked before or during their release have greatly suffered--close to 20 percent of their projected sales. Of course, some movies were plum crap to begin with and used piracy as a scapegoat. Either way, here are ten of these film victims. We'll be back to read your comments, just as soon as we finish downloading "Annie" illegally.

Expendables 3 (2014)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, expendables 3 movie
Gross Domestic: $39 million
Production Budget: $90 million
Even with the additions of Harrison Ford and Wesley Snipes, the film still struggled to reach past what many refer to as a "dismal" opening of $15 million. And this was with a PG-13 rating after two R-rated films. However, aside from a flood of online pirating, part of the lacking sales is blamed on the film's timing, as it showed up next to two other male-driven action films: "Guardians of the Galaxy" and the rebooted "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

Hulk (2003)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, hulk movie
Gross Domestic: $132 million
Production Budget: $137 million
The jolly green giant started strong its opening weekend with $62 million, but plummeted more than 70 percent the following week, both due to critics and the leak. To this day, Ang Lee's "Hulk" is considered an abomination compared to the Edward Norton-led "Incredible Hulk" that came a handful of years later. Gilberto Sanchez was arrested for uploading an unfinished copy, paying fines and sentenced to house arrest by the courts, which is probably where he spent more time pirating.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, x-men wolverine movie
Gross Domestic: $179 million
Production Budget: $150 million
Hero Complex made a conservative estimate that more than one million people illegally downloaded the Wolverine-focused film in the first week it was leaked. Projections for opening weekend were close to $92 million but instead came in around $55 million. Despite decent staying power, it performed worse than the three previous X-Men franchise films and is overall rated the worst too, including the awful "X-Men: The Last Stand."

Fury (2014)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, fury movie
Gross Domestic: $82 million
Production Budget: $68 million
"Fury" was already lacking rave reviews, but the recent multi-picture Sony leak didn't help the film in the box office either. Five films were leaked - "Fury" arguably with the most potential - and now the studios are convinced that that is what's to blame for its lackluster performance, and not the fact that it's another American war film with a few familiar faces.

Hurt Locker (2009)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, the hurt locker movie
Gross Domestic: $17 million
Production Budget: $15 million
One of the worst cases of piracy in Hollywood's eyes is the small budget war flick that cleared more than triple its investment after home sales, in addition to all the awards it won. Although that's considered a big accomplishment for a small-time American war film, producers are convinced that piracy is what held the film back from its true monetary potential.

The Happening (2008)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, the happening movie
Gross Domestic: $64.5 million
Production Budget: $48 million
The return of M. Night Shymalan with Mark Wahlberg had a lot of people excited, but the movie was quickly considered one of M. Night's worst. Guess the joke was on those film pirates who most likely didn't know what was going on either, but the film did barely break past its budget. It's lucky for Mr. Shymalan that tickets are not refundable.

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, star wars revenge of the sith movie
Gross Domestic: $380 million
Production Budget: $113 million
Hours after opening in theaters, a time-stamped copy was uploaded online. A post-production employee was charged with stealing the copy from the office and was prosecuted in court. The seven people who were given the same copy by that person were also charged with copyright infringement and illegal distribution. Soon after, a bootleg copy showed up in China and filled the online space with misinterpretations and hilariously misleading subtitles.

Zombieland (2009)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, zombieland movie
Gross Domestic: $75 million
Production Budget: $24 million
Despite being considered a great success earning four times its budget, the studio behind "Zombieland" used film piracy as the excuse as to why there wouldn't be a sequel. At one point, the film was one of the most heavily pirated films with more than a million file sharing site downloads, but even with a cult following, a great cast and a successful first run, "Zombieland 2" is more than likely walking dead.

Zero Dark Thirty (2013)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, zero dark thirty movie
Gross Domestic: $95 million
Production Budget: $40 million
Amid Oscar season, screeners went out with the likes of "Django Unchained," "The Hobbit" and Spielberg's "Lincoln," but the big hit came to Kathryn Bigelow's heavy contender "Zero Dark Thirty," as screeners helped to flood the online space with downloads two weeks before its slated release. In addition, Bigelow managed to get snubbed for Best Director, despite the film getting nominated for Best Picture and Best Actress.

American Gangster (2007)
Highly Anticipated Films That Have Leaked Before or During Release, american gangster movie
Gross Domestic: $130 million
Production Budget: $100 million
Ridley Scott's true crime thriller sprang a leak less than two weeks before its theatrical release. The studio claims that the online splurge of downloads was that of an Oscar nominee screener, meaning that someone of privilege decided to share it with the rest of the world. There was a closed forum on who was specifically responsible, but given that the film had a better run than most 150 plus-minute R-rated dramas, little action was taken other than a solid firing perhaps.

 

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The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People

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There are few things in the world that everyone enjoys. One thing we can all agree on is animals posing like people. What is it about a dog wearing sunglasses that instantly puts you in a good mood? Thanks to a wonderful Tumblr page called Animals That Do People Things, here is the ultimate collection of animals posing like people.

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog in a robe
"Honey, did you delete 'Mad Men' off the DVR? I work all day and this is the thanks I come home to? Unreal."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog with glasses
"Hey Karen, I've just been going over the numbers and unless you want to pick up a second job we're going to have to cut back on the Purina."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, rabbit shopping
"Can you point me towards the gluten-free produce? All of this stuff tastes like plastic."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, raccoon looking out a moving car
"Sometimes it's just nice to get out of the big city and spend a day just riding around in nature, you know? Work can wait until tomorrow."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog with hunting hat and peanut butter
"No better way to spend a Saturday than inviting the boys over and having a tall, cold glass of...peanut butter."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, lizard in a tutu
"This is maybe 25% better than being turned into a belt."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog ironing clothes
"I've been ironing this thing for 20 minutes and it still looks terrible. I just don't get wh-- hey Brenda! Did one of the kids unplug the iron again?"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog chopping wood
"Let's get a wood fireplace she says. It's so much better than an electric one she says."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, hamster giving a thumbs-up
"I like that new suit, Stanley! Lookin' good!"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog with glasses looking stern
"Well, well. I'm fairly certain we said curfew was 10:30pm, but according to my watch it's nearly midnight. Care to explain yourself, Bradley?"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, goose with clothes
"They said I could never pull off pastels, but here I am, haters. Here I am pulling off pastels!"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, schoolmarm dog
"I believe it's whomever, not whoever. Continue your story."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, cat with plunger
"How many times have I said to stop putting paper towels in the toilet? At least a dozen, right? Yet here we are again."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog riding bike
"This is why I don't want to do CrossFit. You just can't beat the fresh air and that beautiful scenery."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, cat dressed up
"Why am I dressed up? Well Jerry, why don't you look at your calendar and see if today stands out as something important. An anniversary, maybe?"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, guinea pig in a band
"Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying in this band. Theodore, you aren't even holding an instrument right now. Alvin, do you even play the drums?"

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog washing car
"Just because I'm out here washing my car doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. Try a little respect next time, you animals."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog reading
"What show? No sorry, I don't even own a television. There's just too much great literature to waste my time on that nonsense."

The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, alligator with sunglasses
"I'm one of the most deadly predators in nature, yet here I am looking like 'Weekend at Bernie's.' What are you doing with your life, Mark?"


The Ultimate Collection of Animals Posing Like People, dog getting head massage
"Just leave the treat in my bowl and I'll come get it after I'm done. Five more minutes and I'll be in there, I swear."

 

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Vivid Will Pay $1 Million for a Mama June Boo Boo Sex Tape

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If you're looking for something even more disgusting than a Goo Goo Dolls album going platinum, this should easily do the trick.

According to TMZ, Mama June of "Honey Boo Boo" fame has been offered $1 million for a sex tape featuring her and her estranged boyfriend Mike "Sugar Bear" Boo Boo bumping uglies. Or in their case, their very uglies.

Vivid offers Mama June $1 million for sex tape
In a letter from Vivid Entertainment obtained by the celebrity gossip site, the founder and co-CEO of Vivid Steven Hirsch tells Mama June that he believes she would fit in nicely with their BBW or "big, beautiful women" genre.

"We would make the experience an enjoyable one for both of you and give you as much creative input as you would like," Hirsch says in the letter.

Mama June has since rejected to the offer, saying, "I have more respect for myself and my kids and my family. It ain't happening, not even for a zillion dollars."

We're kind of leery with the whole "respect" thing Mama June offers up in her statement, as she is currently dating a convicted child molester who allegedly abused her own daughter, but as for not doing the tape? Let's be honest: That's terrific news, Mama June.

How Mama June's chins came to be: The Evolution of Honey Boo Boo's Mom's Chins

 

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Chanel Iman Is a Ball of Sexy Fun For Sports Illustrated Swimsuit

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Chanel Iman is about as playful as she is gorgeous, meaning she is incredibly playful. The 24-year-old New Yorker recently modeled a bodacious beach shoot for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit in lovely Madagascar. The shoot itself had one of those dammit-I-wish-I-was-in-Madagascar-that-day-soaking-up-some-sun-and-checking-out-a-smoking-hot-Chanel-Iman vibes to it. Don't you hate when that happens and you're stuck in a blizzard rubbing toes with your brother to stay warm instead? Check out some of the fun outtakes from the sexy shoot with Chanel Iman and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, and we promise you won't be disappointed, other than about the fact your brother won't quit playing footsie with you.

 

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These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym

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The number one thing on everyone's New Year's resolution list is to get in shape. So we applaud those folks who actually go from thinking about it to doing it. On the other hand, what the hell are some of these people doing? A few are downright dangerous. Maybe it would've been better to stay on the couch, after all.

These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, man benching while on springs
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, yellow suit
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, head in ceiling
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, man on gym ball upside down
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, woman eating ice cream
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, squats in the curl rack
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, man benching on a ball
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, weird position on equipment
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, person benching no weight
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, woman with unicycle on treadmill
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, man squats with baby
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, guys with computer in his pants
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, person sitting on chair on treadmill
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, man lifting at an odd angle
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, guy upside down
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, odd exercise products
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, woman exercising wrong
These People Should Definitely Not Be at the Gym, woman working out in skirt
h/t i-am-bored

 

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Rebecca Romijn Takes Us Back to the Good Ol' Days of Her Nude Body Painting

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Rebecca Romijn holds a special place in our hearts, and we couldn't quite pinpoint why until her recent interview on "Conan." The beautiful blonde model sported a revealing white dress on the evening talk show while discussing the wonders of nude body painting and hosting body painting competitions on her reality show "Skin Wars." That's when it clicked. The days of our earliest body painting memories are - quite literally - painted with the vision of Rebecca Romijn donning her perfect curvature for Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue back in 2006, a year that will go down in history for a lot of men (and probably women, too). Conan O'Brien does us the courtesy in this interview of responding exactly how we did back then, and still do to this very day.

 

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It Wouldn't Be Christmas Without Kate Upton Half Naked

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Kate Upton is back for more bouncy bikini beauty in her latest stint with Sports Illustrated Swimsuit. If you end up receiving a lump of coal in your stocking, no matter; Kate Upton will make it all better. Who needs lavish gifts and fancy trips this holiday season when you can sit and watch Kate Upton don her finest bikinis in the name of good holiday cheer? We'll give you a little Christmas gift spoiler: the top comes off, and we're not talking about the angel on the tree. We're talking about the angel that is Kate Upton. Even if your parents didn't hate your guts and didn't put lumps of coal in your stocking, there's no chance they could compete with Kate's Christmas gift to us all. Kate Upton, everyone. Wouldn't you like that in your stocking?!

 

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Pilot Gets Fired for Letting Two Hot Girls Fly His Plane

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You have to think the pilot was hoping that this was just the first of his cockpits those ladies would be experiencing for the evening.

According to the Daily Mail, a pilot for Magnicharters was recently fired after he let a Mexican singer and her actress friend fly his plane. Here's some visual proof of the pilot making a terrible judgment call:

Magnicharters pilot lets two girls fly his plane
Magnicharters pilot lets two girls fly his plane
Esmeralda Ugalde then uploaded pictures of her and her friend, Samadhi Zendejas, wearing the pilot's hat while at the controls in the cockpit to her Twitter page, and they immediately went viral. We're assuming it had something to do with the fact that almost 41,000 people follow the Mexican singer.

Ugalde has since deleted the pictures from her Twitter account and gone on record saying the pictures were taken while the plane was on the ground. It didn't help the fate of the pilot, however, as he was fired by the airline, probably because he admitted that he let the girls sit at the controls while the plane was ... wait for it ... in the air.

The good news for the passengers on board is that the plane landed. And the good news for Magnicharters, Ugalde and Zendejas is that we now know they exist.

Now this is Twitter done right: The 100 Sexiest Twitter Pics

 

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