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The Best Sporting Events of 2014

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The World Cup. The Winter Olympics. A 28-point second half comeback. It was a hell of a year for the sporting world. And while there is still time for the greatest sporting event of 2014 to happen, it's going to be tough to top what we have already witnessed this year.

Here's what we deemed the best sporting events for each month of 2014. Enjoy.

January 4, 2014 - Indianapolis Colts 45, Kansas City 44
best sports moments of 2014, andrew luck
The NFL postseason's best game was its first one, as Andrew Luck and the Colts notched the second-largest comeback in playoff history thanks to 35 second-half points. Indianapolis was down 21 at the half and spotted the Chiefs another tuddy early in the third quarter before going on a run for the ages. Luck's three second-half touchdown passes and fumble recovery for another score was the story and helped take the focus off his atrocious playoff beard.

February 15, 2014 - USA 3, Russia 2
best sports moments of 2014, usa vs russia winter olympics
TJ Oshie scored four times in a shootout that went eight rounds, and the Americans beat the Russians in front of a disappointed Vlad Putin at the Sochi Winter Games. Neither team would medal but who cares? It was "Rocky IV" on ice once again, and to say it was a thriller would be an understatement. Plus, even if for just a moment, it helped us all forget about Bob Costas and his pink eye.

March 29, 2014 - Wisconsin Badgers 64, Arizona Wildcats 63 (OT)
best sports events of 2014, wisconsin beats arizona basketball
Not many people outside of the land of cheese and beer farts had Wisconsin making it to the Final Four, but Bucky's Badgers got there in thrilling fashion thanks to an overtime victory against the favored Arizona Wildcats. Frank Kaminsky was the big cheese for the Badgers, netting 28 points and grabbing 11 boards and single-handedly sent Wisconsin to the Big Dance for the first time since 2000.

April 17, 2014 - St. Louis Blues 4, Chicago Blackhawks 3 (3 OT)
best sports events in 2014, st louis blues beat chicago blackhawks 3OT
The only thing better than playoff hockey is overtime playoff hockey, and the Blues and Blackhawks gave us that and then some in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The two teams combined for six goals in the first three periods but went 40 minutes and 26 seconds without scoring another one until Alexander Steen found the back of the net for St. Louis.

May 13, 2014 - Oklahoma City Thunder 105, Los Angeles Clippers 104
best sports events in 2014, thunder beat clippers
Let's be honest: Regular season NBA games matter almost as much as a Jonas Brother, but that's not the case when the postseason hits. The best game of this year's NBA Playoffs featured a furious Thunder comeback and, because it's the NBA, some controversy. Oklahoma City was down 13 points with just over four minutes remaining, but they won the game thanks to a 17-3 run the rest of the way that was aided by an out-of-bounds call that could have gone either way and a Chris Paul "phantom foul" that sent Russell Westbrook to the line for the winning free throws.

June 16, 2014 - USA 2, Ghana 1
Ghana v USA: Group G - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
Mandatory's Gary Dudak and Max Miller made the trip to Brazil for the World Cup, but sadly it was two days after USA's epic 2-1 victory over Ghana, avenging the USMNT's loss to the West African country four years earlier. Clint Dempsey scored the game's first goal just 34 seconds into the match, and everything was hunky-dory until Ghana evened things up with a goal of their own in the 82nd minute. But just when it looked like Ghana would break America's heart yet again, John Anthony Brooks found the back of the net in the 86th minute, sealing it for the U.S.

July 6, 2014 - Novak Djokovic defeats Roger Federer in five-set Wimbledon final thriller
best sports events in 2014, Novak Djokovic defeats Roger Federer
We knew we were in for a treat when Djokovic and Federer faced off in the Wimbledon final, as the two had already combined to win 23 Grand Slam tournaments. But after this epic five-set thriller, it felt like we were given the whole damn cake. Two of the sets needed tiebreakers and another needed 12 games to be decided. Djokovic had Federer at Championship point in the fourth set, but the greatest player in men's tennis history saved and battled back to force a fifth set, where Djokovic fought off a right knee injury and held on to win 6-4.

August 10, 2014 - Rory McIlroy outlasts Phil Mickelson and others to win the PGA Championship
best sports events in 2014, rory mcilroy wins pga championship
Rickie Fowler and Phil Mickelson were both critical of PGA officials' decision to allow McIlroy to hit his approach shot while they waited near the 18th green, but hey, that's what happens when you don't win. A two-hour rain delay made daylight hard to come by as the players near the top of the leaderboard tried to finish the round, and McIlroy would eventually win despite being down by three strokes with nine holes to play. He would win by one stroke thanks to an eagle on the 10th and birdies on the 13th and 17th.

September 30, 2014 - Kansas City Royals 9, Oakland Athletics 8 (12 innings)
best sports events in 2014, royals beat A's in playoff
Most baseball writers were probably writing their "Royals Fire Ned Yost" stories after the Royals skipper totally mismanaged his pitching staff and allowed the A's to take a 7-3 lead in the American League Wild Card game. But Yost's hitters responded with three runs in the eighth inning and one in the bottom of the ninth to force extra innings. Oakland scored one run in the top of the 12th, but Kansas City plated two in the bottom of the inning, sending the Kauffman Stadium crowd into a frenzy. It was the first postseason victory for the Royals since 1985.

October 4, 2014 - San Francisco Giants 2, Washington Nationals 1 (18 innings)
best sports events in 2014, giants beat nationals in 18 innings
The Giants won their third World Series in five years by beating the Royals in seven games, and they made history along the way, beating the Nationals 2-1 in the NLDS in what would become the longest postseason game in history. The game lasted six hours, 23 minutes and ended in the 18th inning when Brandon Belt homered and the Giants bullpen held the Nationals scoreless. The only bad news for Giants fans who made the trip to Nationals Park was that beer sales ended after the seventh inning.

November 29, 2014 - Alabama Crimson Tide 55, Auburn Tigers 44
best sporting events in 2014, Amari Cooper
How do top an Iron Bowl that ended on a 109-yard missed field goal return for a touchdown the year before? 99 combined points should pretty much do it. The Crimson Tide looked good early, jumping out to a 14-3 lead with six minutes left in the first quarter. But Auburn scored 30 of the next 37 points and looked in total control until Amari Cooper's third touchdown catch cut the Alabama deficit to two late in the third quarter. The Bama offense would score three more touchdowns in the fourth quarter while the Tide defense held Auburn to just a late score, and the Tide avenged last year's shocker.

December: TBD
Will a game in December take the cake for the best sporting event of 2014? Only time will tell...

 

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A Classy Collection of Hilarious MILF Memes

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Although the term MILF was made popular because of Stifler's mom in the 1999 comedy "American Pie," it actually existed long before that. And now, with the help of some double entendres, Stifler's mom is back to make MILF memes popular, as well. What a treasure.

A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, you boys are going to eat me out
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, goes milf hunting mom?
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, you can put it anywhere you want
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, not sure if developing a milf fetish
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, tell your friends to come inside me
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, you boys better go down
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, milf? you mean mif?
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, i'm going to ride you until i'm satisfied
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, do you even milf, bro?
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, i need you to do me
A Classy Collection of MILF Memes, searches milf porn finds own mother
h/t Memewhore

 

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More Hilarious and Bizarre Craigslist Ads

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We've all been on Craigslist and seen things that are slightly odd--TVs for sale that don't turn on, our friends looking for love in Casual Encounters, etc.--but there is a whole world of absurdly strange, yet hilarious Craigslist ads out there. You may not want to believe these are real, but they are, and now you're going to read about them!

More Hilarious Craigslist Ads, harley goes or i do craigslist ad
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20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape

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As a society we have come to the conclusion that duct tape can solve any problem. There is no obstacle you'll face in life that can't be resolved with a fresh roll of thick, silver tape. But leave it to the internet to take that belief to a hilarious new level as these people use duct tape in ways you'd never imagine. Here are 20 of the craziest uses for duct tape that anyone has ever attempted.

20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape phone to head
Who needs a Bluetooth headset when you can just tape your phone to the side of your head?


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape tie
Oh, this lunch is business casual? Not a problem at all.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape bike
No one is going to steal your bike, but how exactly do you plan on ever riding it again?


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape swing
Ah, the epitome of comfort and class. Your neighbors will be thrilled.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape beer handle
If you've been drinking enough to think this is a good idea, you're going to be finished with the beer before it gets assembled.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape parachute
There are some things in life you shouldn't try to save a few bucks on and I would put a parachute at the top of that list.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape lamppost
That's what happens when the city cuts its budget.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape underwear
Sure it may look sexy, but there's about a 70% chance her nipples are coming off with that tape.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape car door
They matched the colors so well I honestly can't tell where the tape ends and the paint begins.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape flashlight
I can guarantee you whatever he's using that flashlight to look for, he's not going to find it.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape refrigerator
This is why your kids don't come to visit anymore.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape flipflops
Wearing sandals is bad enough, so why not save a few dollars and just make them yourself?


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape laptop case
You spent $400 on that iPad. Of course you'd want it protected by a thin layer of duct tape.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape mailbox
I can honestly say I've never looked at a jar and a roll of tape and thought, "Well obviously this is going to be my mailbox."


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape crack in street
The earth would actually open up and swallow us all if it weren't for those strands of tape.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape couch
You could save money on a couch at IKEA, or you could save money on a couch at Home Depot. Your call.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape computer
It couldn't be any slower than the computer at my parent's house.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape jeans
What could those jeans have possibly looked like before he decided to wrap them in tape?


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, duct tape on ass crack
I honestly respect this man more than anyone else on the list.


20 Ways You Never Thought To Use Duct Tape, baby duct taped to wall
"Honey, you know how you were complaining about how much we spend on babysitters..."

 

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A Definitive Power Ranking of the Most Overplayed Christmas Movies in History

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From Thanksgiving to New Years, a few things are certain. You will stuff your face, find yourself couch-ridden, flip on the set and be presented with the same options ... on every single channel. Tis the season to re-watch the same flicks for the fiftieth time! Some we love, some we loathe, but regardless of where you stand -- these are the ten movies that're playing RIGHT NOW.

10. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Christmas Movies
Described as a 'modern classic' and one of only a few films to make the list that was made during your lifetime, this 1989 John Hughes movie is the third in the National Lampoon's series, and proof positive that hanging out with your family for a long weekend this year could be a lot worse.

9. A Charlie Brown Christmas
Christmas Movies
This Peanuts staple was predicted to be a total disaster -- the entire budget was under $100k, it was put together start-to-finish in under six months, the producers hired unknown child actors, and then they decided to opt for a jazz soundtrack rather than going down the laugh track route, which was the thing to do in 1965. Well take that, humbugs -- the animated special won an Emmy and a Peabody, and has played every year since.

8. Miracle on 34th Street
Christmas Movies
The 8th most overplayed holiday movie is, in this case, the 1947 version of Miracle on 34th Street -- not to be confused with the 1955 remake ... or the 1973 remake ... or the 1994 remake (the one you probably remember, with the little girl from Mrs Doubtfire). We're now well into the territory of 'public domain' -- once a film's been out for several years, unless otherwise stipulated, stations can air it for free -- so prepare for more super oldies. The film spans the time frame from Thanksgiving right through to Christmas, so broadcasters have carte blanche to show it ALL. THE. TIME.

7. Frosty the Snowman
Christmas Movies
The first of two Rankin/Bass productions on the list, this is the 1969 animated tale of Frosty, a failed magician and his rabbit (Hocus Pocus), and a little girl called Karen. It teaches children about the perils of hypothermia and running away from home, inherent human greed, and the selflessness of snow.

6. It's a Wonderful Life
Christmas Movies
This 1946 classic won five Academy Awards (including Best Picture), and consistently rates as one of the top 20 American films of all time ... but when it came out it was a bit of a box office flop, and the CIA accused it of being Communist-leaning. But over time the movie has worm-holed its way into our cultural psyche, because who doesn't love a suicide flick at the holidays?

5. White Christmas
Christmas Movies
This 1954 musical rom-com's just too excruciating to sit through. Ask your gramma what its about. Oh, what's that? She's fallen asleep in front of White Christmas, which is playing on a loop on AMC? Well, in a nutshell, Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye are Broadway performers, who put on a little razzle dazzle for the troops in Europe during WWII. When they return to the US they meet up with a pair of sisters (Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen), who happen to be performing at the boys' old commanding general's failing Vermont Inn. Hijinks ensue. If you like that kind of thing.

4. Home Alone
Christmas Movies
Who can forget Kevin Arnold and his merry merry misadventures way back in 1990? No one can. And that's because it's still the top-grossing non-animated comedy of all time. Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Catherine O'Hara and crew's cash cow has brought in almost $500m to date, and is still raking in the residuals.

3. Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
Christmas Movies
Don't even try with the Jim Carey version -- it's all about the original made-for-TV special, which first aired in 1966, and has been shown on practically every network ever since. And the 26min animated short film is one of very few to continue to win top broadcast slots, maintain a 100% Rotten Tomatoes average and make 'best of' lists of even the most hardened of Scrooges.

2. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Christmas Movies
Our additional Rankin/Bass production is the stop motion animation classic about the elf who wants to be a dentist, and the eponymous deer, whose nose shone so bright he was cast aside by abusive dad Donner. The two embark upon a joint hero's journey, meeting former peppermint prospector Yukon Cornelius en route to the Island of Misfit Toys, and eventually our stars help domesticate the Abominable Snow Monster, open up a practice (sans DDS accreditation ..._) and our deer gets his girl. Aired annually and often, since 1964.

1. A Christmas Story
Christmas Movies
The most oft-aired Christmas movie is Ralphie's story, appearing (often as a part of 24hr continuous marathons) on both large and small screens worldwide since 1983. So you've seen it. You know what happens. But did you realize the house used in the exterior shots has been preserved as a living museum to the movie? From the leg lamp right down to the family car. An avid fan purchased the property for $150,000 when it went on eBay, and plunked more than half a mill into restoring and staging it as presented in the film. So if you find yourself stuck in Cleveland, Ohio this holiday season, swing by.

 

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Carla Howe is Hella Hot

High School Basketball Player Hits Two Half-Court Shots to Win Game

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If you were wondering what it would take to unseat Odell Beckham's one-handed touchdown catch as the "Best of the Best" top play on ESPN's "SportsCenter," here it is.


According to The Columbian, a Washington high school basketball player propelled his team to victory Monday night by hitting not one but two half-court shots in the same game.

Woodland High School's Ryan Sturdivan hit the first of his half-court buzzer-beaters at the end of the third quarter. Then, with his team down one point to Kelso High School and just 1.6 seconds left in the game, Sturdivan threw up another prayer that made its way through the net, and Woodland walked away with a 49-47 victory.

According to ESPN's "Sport Science," the odds of a player hitting two half-court shots in the same game are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-in-2,500. After appearing via phone on today's edition of "SportsCenter" and unseating Beckham as the "Best of the Best," we'll go ahead and peg the odds of Sturdivan's parents needing to have a talk with their son about using protection at 1-to-1.

If you missed today's "SportsCenter," don't worry. Daniel Tosh has your back: Daniel Tosh's Breakdown of ESPN's 'SportsCenter' is Hilariously Perfect

 

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Woman on 'Millionaire' Game Show Gets Insanely Easy First Question Wrong

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Getting the first question wrong on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" is a recurring nightmare I have on a regular basis. So, I feel for this woman and her very, very stupid anwer on the Australian spin-off, "Millionaire Hot Seat." That being said, she really does set the bar pretty high for anyone else who might have future hopes of giving the dumbest answer on a game show ever. Really though, burger rings? They sound delicious and we'd very much prefer them over the other rings options here, but not catching that even when the host gives you a second opportunity to do so is just unacceptable.

 

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Dead Indiana Woman's Will Calls for Her Still-Living Dog to Be Put to Sleep

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If Bella hasn't started digging her way out of her kennel, now would be a good time to start.

According to WCPO, the will of an Indiana woman who died last month calls for her still-living German Shepherd to be euthanized, cremated and buried next to her own ashes or sent to an animal shelter in Utah.

Dead woman's will calls for her still-living dog to be put to sleep
When Connie Lay died Nov. 25, no one would enter her house because they feared her dog Bella would attack them. Her lawyer said his client knew that Bella wouldn't be good around others, so she left two options when she kicked the bucket: either put Bella to sleep or send her to the Best Friends Animal Society in Utah.

Bella was scheduled to be euthanized yesterday but was given a "stay of execution" while an effort to secure enough funding to send her to Utah got underway. But as anybody who has ever spent five minutes in Utah knows, depending on which part of the state Bella will be forced to live out her remaining days, the needle could ultimately be her best option.

It could be worse for Bella. For example, she could have had this clown as an owner: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors

 

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Customers and Workers Tackle Deer Inside Walmart

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Humans aren't the only ones going nuts over the retail giant's crazy low prices on berries this holiday season.

According to UPI, a doe wandered into a Charlotte Walmart Monday afternoon and had to be subdued by customers and workers until Animal Control arrived. Thankfully, last-minute Christmas shopper Edmond Ratcliffe was there and recorded the excitement on his cellphone:


"It was kind of a stay out of the way situation," Ratcliffe told a local television station. "I know if I'm in the way, it could be trouble."

Luckily for the safety of both customers and the deer, several other patrons weren't as passive as Ratcliffe and tackled the deer to the ground. Animal Control eventually arrived on the scene and took the deer away.

It's unknown what happened to the deer after her unexpected Walmart adventure, but we think it's safe to say she'll be buying her Schweppes Ginger Ale from another retailer this year.

Here is another deer that is sick and tired of doing things like the rest of the herd: This is a Deer in the Ocean

 

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Tashana Mills is a Total Aussie Stunner

Nicole Beharie Will Have Heads Turning

Today's Funny Photos

10 of the Scariest Creepypasta Stories You'll Ever Hear

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One of the greatest sources of original and terrifying horror stories is Creepypasta. It's full of short stories, stories that claim to be true, and folklore that will keep you reading, but completely prevent you from sleeping. There's also a fantastic collection of short horror films that manage to generate more fright than some full-length films. Here are ten of the scariest Creepypasta stories you'll ever hear.

Ten of the Scariest Creepypasta Stories You've Ever Seen, Cecil Hotel Elevator

1. Barking
Barking is one of the shorts from the Frosted Mini Fears collection where a terrifying story is told in usually under a minute. You'll either love your dog even more after watching this, or instantly become a cat person.


2. Jumby
You know that imaginary friend your kid talks to all the time? Prepare to be terrified every time they mention them for the next month after watching this short about a sinister "imaginary" friend.


3. Upstairs
This subtle yet creepy short story has the feel of an old school 1970s horror movie that'll make you never want to leave your kid home alone ever again.


4. Friend of a Friend
Have you ever walked into a room and something just didn't feel right? You can't pinpoint it, but it's just a feeling of everything being off. This is what happens when those feelings turn into something much more terrifying.


5. The Time Capsule
Imagine the excitement and curiosity you'd feel after discovering a time capsule in your backyard. Now imagine if you discovered something you wish you had never seen.


6. The Bookmobile
Remember those bookmobiles that would drive around town giving out books to everyone to borrow? What if there was something much more evil behind them instead of just being a mobile library? The Bookmobile paints a fantastic story around that concept.


7. It Nears
The scariest monsters are always the ones you can't see or only get a quick glimpse of, but not enough to fully comprehend it. Just be warned that the volume on "It Nears" starts out very loud, so prepare your speakers accordingly.


8. The Window
This is from the original Frosted Mini Fears collection and is one of those stories that doesn't contain a monster or a ghost, but something we've probably all feared or thought about at some point; what if you looked out the window and someone was looking back?


9. Post-Its!
"Post-Its!" feels like one of the old, scary radio stories that would keep you in silence, hanging on every word with your mouth hanging open. Who knew that a simple post-it note could be so terrifying?


10. The Cecil Hotel
This short video tells the horrifying true history of the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles, California along with the bizarre news story of a girl that went missing in the hotel and was found in a place that should have been impossible to reach.

 

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The 7 Coldest Games in NFL History


These Honest Kids Letters To Santa Are Funny, Strange and Sometimes Even Threatening

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Writing a letter to Santa is a time honored tradition that parents have passed down for generations as a means for their children to ask jolly ol' St. Nick for presents. Most kids use it for that. These kids, however, have other ideas. Here are the weirdest, creepiest and funniest kids letters to Santa.

funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa
funny kids letters to santa

 

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A Jew's Ranking of the 20 Best Christmas Songs Ever

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A Jew's Ranking of the 20 Best Christmas Songs Ever
Growing up as a little Jew kid, I didn't pay much attention to Christmas. I knew it was everywhere once December rolled around, but maybe I was too distracted by the whirl of my own dreidel to notice. This also included the songs pouring out of the radio which somehow went right in one of this pitzl's ear and out the other. But as a grown-up, when the holidays came around, I finally started to take notice and appreciate the appeal of these iconic sounds of the season. Listening closer than ever, I began to amass a list of my own top picks. Here, and not without a hefty dose of reflection and worry that my tribe is known for, are A Jew's Ranking of the 20 Best Christmas Songs Ever.

20. "Feliz Navidad" - Jose Feliciano
If a Christmas song is going to have verses in a foreign language besides English (and it's not Hebrew), then Spanish would be my next likely choice. "Feliz Navidad" is actually pretty basic and repetitive - some could argue that "Row Row Row Your Boat" may contain a grander narrative arc - but you must give it credit for sticking to its message. Bottom line, the song is a delight and reminds us that "Merry Christmas" will sound different when spoken in other places around the world, but the feeling of excitement and joy it contains is universal.

19. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" - Elmo and Patsy
If this song didn't rock your December when it began its heavy radio rotation in 1984, then you probably weren't born yet. From what my gentile friends tell me, the concept of death is the exact opposite of what Christmas is all about. So when you combine the two into a side-splitting holiday ditty, you blow the snow off the roof. Sounding like it was hatched out of a Christmas song lab housed in a trailer park, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" takes low-class humor to the very highest level.

18. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - Gene Autry

Around Christmastime everyone's favorite underdog is a reindeer. Youngsters can be cruel, and in this classic song that cruelty even extends to reinfawn. One might think that having a buddy with a glowing red nose would be something to embrace. But Rudolph is a castaway, like say, oh I don't know... a Jew on Christmas! So when he is enlisted to save Christmas by employing what made him an outcast in the first place, everyone of every religion and species are left to celebrate the inspirational nature of his mitzvah. (Hannukah Harry would experience a similar triumph on "SNL" in the 80s.) Recorded by a reluctant Gene Autry in 1949, this heartwarming tale gives both outcasts and incasts alike a reason to shout out with glee.

17. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - Andy Williams
I imagine this is also a favorite of say, Macy's or Walmart, because "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" sounds like a song to shop by. Whirling and fast-paced, it conjures the hustle and bustle of the season better than most. There are no quiet moments by the fire in a toasty living room curled up with a sweater-clad sweetheart here. This song registers best at the cash register. Or the food court at a table brimming with Sbarro or Cinnabon containers.

16. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" - Johnny Mathis
This song always creeped me out, maybe because it started to play right before Stripe and Co. attacked Billy's mom in "Gremlins." But as I've aged and ceased being afraid of little green men ambushing me in the kitchen - this occurred sometime in my late twenties - I acknowledge how soaring and affecting it really is. Though the subject matter is a little too inside for this Jew to fully grasp, the building vocals and sweeping score of "Do You Hear I What Hear?" definitely takes hold of you.

15. "Do They Know It's Christmas" - Band Aid
Our list's second consecutive yuletide question, this anthem ushered in the charitable supergroup tracks born out of the 80s. Coming straight from the UK, it really is a thrill to hear Boy George, George Michael, Bono, Sting, Simon Le Bon and the dude from Spandau Ballet, all in their prime, sharing the mic. (Allegedly Boy George had to be forced out of bed and onto a Concord to get to the studio at all, where he promptly tried to start a catfight with George Michael. Boy will be Boy, I guess.) Before Black Friday became its own national holiday, I understand charity and Christmas were once actually linked. "Do They Know It's Christmas' " plea to "Feed the World" was a product of that bygone philosophy, and reminded us all how lucky we non-desert dwellers should feel for the everyday gifts our industrialized societies provide us.

14. "Little St. Nick" - The Beach Boys
Not quite as simple as "Feliz Navidad," but clocking in at just 2 minutes and 7 seconds, "Little Saint Nick" is no "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" either. While some might mistake the song to be perhaps a Santa origin story, its title actually refers to his sled. Cars were a regular subject of Beach Boys songs, so their contribution to the Christmas cannon cleverly fits into a well-traveled theme of their music. In their world, Santa's sleigh is a beauty of a hot rod, made even more fine flying to their singular California sound.

13. "Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!" - Frank Sinatra

It's not because I love the movie "Die Hard" so much that I've chosen to add this song. It's really all about Frank. The big band sound, the horns, and the backup chorus are all phenomenal. But it's Frank's chill tones uplifting "Let it Snow!" along with his trademark cool that makes this Jew lose his over this glorious seasonal standard. Lyrically, you've got all the trappings of the Holiday here - the roaring fire, the corn for popping, the blizzardy outside cold, yet not one elfin' mention of Christmas! Doesn't matter. "Let it Snow!" unmistakably holds the keys to the Christmas spirit, and this Jew wants in!

12. "Holly Jolly Christmas" - Burl Ives
I've never had a "Holly Jolly Christmas." And since I wouldn't know, I can't really be sure if I've had a Holly Jolly anything. But listening to Burl Ives' bouncy, irresistible tune leaves me with a pretty good idea of what it's all about. In a short amount of time, Ives doles out precious advice and wishes for the season concerning friendship, joy, grace, and affection. They are simple concepts with long-lasting effects that, under his wise oversight, could last willing followers all the way through to the following winter.

11. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Bobby Helms
This song is such a Christmas staple one might be willing to believe, if it weren't for the perfectly placed beat of the electric guitar, that it actually predated the birth of your Lord and Savior. Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock" is considered the first mainstream Rock 'n Roll Christmas song. And the fact that he, like co-lister Gene Autry, was a country crooner, is evidence that all styles of music can take universal form when decorated in the sound of the yuletide season. When listening to "Jingle Bell Rock" one can't decide whether they first want to dance or mosey. It's Christmas for pete's sake! Why not do both?

10. "Frosty the Snowman" - Jimmy Durante
The only thing more magical than Frosty's hat is the voice of Jimmy Durante bringing the tale of the world's most seminal snowman to life. Like "Rudolph," "Frosty the Snowman" is no doubt a children's story, but I suspect many an adult find themselves turning the volume up when this gem begins to play on the radio (or whatever newfangled musical device Santa has left for them under the tree). Durante is by no means a sweet-voiced serenader, but some of the greatest treats on a Christmas table are the salty ones, right? Or at least that's what they tell me.

9. "Christmastime is Here" - Vince Guaraldi
I have to be honest with you: the holy harmonies of a Christmas choir make this Jew a bit uneasy. As uneasy, I suspect, as I might find myself having to spend one winter's night in a manger made entirely of bacon. But when that choir consists of a boy in a yellow shirt with a black zigzag stripe and his closest friends, I'd happily join it. Their hopeful, prideful voices atop jazzy notes of percussion, piano, and bass are gifts from above, I know.

8. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee

Rock and Christmas, as we've seen, go together like charoset and matzah. Here is another helping of a song recorded by a country artist tempting us to hop around in our Christmas socks. The cherished images are also all here - mistletoe, boughs of holly, jolly voices - born brighter by frolicking electric guitar and saxophone. But there is nothing common about "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree," and the knowledge that singer Brenda Lee was just 13-years-old when she recorded it in 1958 gives her nickname, "Little Miss Dynamite," that much more firepower.

7. "Christmas Wrapping" - The Waitresses
Usually a Jew has little choice but to spend Christmas alone. For our "Christmas Wrapping" narrator, however, that solitariness is her mission. The year has gone by in one overwhelming blur, leaving her no energy nor desire to participate in the non-stop activity the Holiday brings. The lyric "Bah Humbug" kicks off this rollicking New Wave classic, yet it vividly captures the joy of the season like all of the rest. Best laid plans are all well and good, but fate has other ideas and, in an instant, her Christmas, intended to be forgotten, becomes one that she never will.

6. "Sleigh Ride" - The Ronettes
Yes, Christmas is the time when herald angels sing, but this Jew will take Ronnie Spector's voice instead any day of the year. Though you can't see it, it sparkles like tinsel and warms and chills you both at the same time. Another rockin' entry on our list, "Sleigh Ride" soars above the highest, most inviting chimneys carrying as much delight as all of Santa's cargo will bring.

5. "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" - Perry Como
Back before kids were appealing to Santa for Xboxes, Tickle Me Elmos, or Red Rider BB Guns, Hopalong boots were the coveted item as we discover in Perry Como's "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas." The song celebrates the first signs of Christmas that begin to pop up around Anytown, USA, which if we judge by the aisles of Target or Costco, now begin around June. Christmas coursed through Como's veins and his fatherly voice really does make it begin to feel like Christmas, even for those of us dusting off our menorahs.

4. "Santa Baby" - Eartha Kitt
Historically, while the Christmas songs that preceded it were wholesome musings about family, nostalgia, and faith, "Santa Baby" broke out from that mold in 1953 and became something entirely different. A novelty song, voiced by the sultry Eartha Kitt, who poises to take Santa's wallet on one wild sleigh ride. She's got astronomically expensive tastes and reminds Santa that if he doesn't want anyone else coming down her chimney, he'd better deliver. As far as we're concerned, he can have her. We'll just dig this golden standard from a safe distance. All the way over in Jerusalem sounds about right.

3. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" - Bruce Springsteen

I'm not just a Jew, I'm also from Jersey, and there Springsteen is our Lord. His "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is a divine masterpiece recorded live in '75 on Long Island. Sleigh bells, a saxophone, and The Boss' gravelly pipes all wrap up into one perfect present. And when Bruce can't contain his laughter at the end, well that's the bow that ties it all together.

2. "White Christmas" - Bing Crosby
All Christians know that Bing Crosby is the Judah Maccabee of yuletide crooners. Sure, a sweatered Andy Williams may have been known as "Mr. Christmas" and Perry Como satisfied like the kick from a cup of egg nog, but Crosby was the King, newborn, oldborn, any level of being imaginable. He tackled all of the most famous Christmas songs and scored with them all. "White Christmas" though was his crown jewel and defines the scope and depth of this Holiday's landscape like none other. It's slow and nostalgic and dreamy. As long as "White Christmas" is part of the season's soundtrack, all of our Christmases... sorry, your Christmases, will be bright.

1. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - Darlene Love

Darlene Love's electric Christmas opus is more energetic than nine Bar Mitzvahs, four Purim carnivals, and one Boca Raton Mah Jong tournament combined. A lovers' reunion is her only Christmas wish and she doesn't just sing about it like the other artists on this list, she belts it out with a voice as big as the sea. We've heard of many a snowstorm inside these favorites' lyrics. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" is in itself an earthquake, bound to snag Santa's attention, and for certain this Jew's, and powerful enough for him to crown hers the Best Christmas Song Ever.

 

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This Is Officially The Creepiest Possible Way To Respond To A Wrong Number Text

10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014

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It takes a lot to get attention on the Internet these days. We see scandals and triumphs every day of the week, and mostly they're forgotten by the time the hashtag stops trending. However, there are always some exceptions. In this feature, we'll recap the ten game-changers that kept the Internet occupied in 2014.

Donald Sterling's Racist Rants

10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Donald Sterling's Racist Rants
If there's one thing we learned loud and clear in 2014, it's that racism is still alive and well in America. The case of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling should have made that obvious all the way back in April, when audio recordings of the octogenarian billionaire talking smack about African-Americans hit the Internet. Sterling, caught lecturing a female friend about being seen publicly with black people, was quickly banned from the NBA and forced to sell the Clippers. Sadly, this was only the overture to a year that would get even more insensitive. (Photo credit: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Cat Saves Boy From Dog
The viral video scene was hopping in 2014, with all sorts of clips making the rounds. One of the most bizarre - and badass - came in May, when a clip of a four-year-old boy in Bakersfield, California being menaced by a neighbor's Lab-Chow mix hit YouTube. After the dog dashed across the lawn and seized the young boy by his leg, dragging him off his tricycle, a very strange hero came to save the day. Tara, the family's house cat, dove into the fray and actually managed to chase the much larger dog away from the boy, saving his life and becoming a celebrity in the process. (Photo credit: YouTube)

The Ellen Selfie
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, The Ellen Selfie
Sure, you're at the Oscars, you're going to see stars everywhere, but when Ellen DeGeneres assembled a crowd that included Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Brad Pitt, Meryl Streep and Kevin Spacey for a selfie it rapidly became the most retweeted image in Twitter history. As of the end of the year, the pic had been shared over two million times, and Samsung (who made the Galaxy Note 3, the device that took the shot) claimed that it was worth more than $800 million in publicity. That's a hell of a lot of cash for a selfie. (Photo credit: Ellen)

10 Hours Of Catcalls
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, 10 Hours Of Catcalls
If there was one video that really summed up the hot-button issue of 2014, it was "10 Hours Of Walking In NYC As A Woman," a clip put together by anti-street harassment group Hollaback. The clip follows an ordinary-looking lady through the streets of the Big Apple, clipping together the many, many instances of dudes trying to run game on her as she goes. It was a pretty sharp illustration of the stuff women have to deal with, but it also sparked a lot of controversy regarding what exactly should count as harassment. And, of course, since this is the Internet the comments on YouTube rapidly filled up with rape threats. (Photo credit: YouTube)

The Fappening
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, The Fappening
It was also a major year for less-than-salubrious behavior on the Internet, as black hats did all sorts of dirty deeds. One info leak that was inescapable went by the name "The Fappening." Consisting of hundreds of private pictures scraped from the iCloud accounts of celebrities including Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Kirsten Dunst and dozens of others, the images were leaked on Reddit and 4Chan and quickly exploded into the wild, as perverts across the globe took the opportunity to finally "fap" to illicit pics of their favorite female stars. (Photo credit: Tumblr)

Potato Salad Kickstarter
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Potato Salad Kickstarter
Crowdfunding has changed the way we do business in the 21st century, with entrepreneurs looking to the public to fund inventions from minimal wallets to video games. But one man named Zack Danger Brown showed us all how ridiculous the concept could be in June when he raised over $55,000 to make a bowl of potato salad. Brown's humble project had a goal of just ten bucks, but when the page went viral he ended up throwing a huge party that he dubbed "Potato Stock" in Columbus, Ohio. He's now trying to talk his way into a guest spot on a sitcom. Good luck with that, dude. (Photo credit: Kickstarter)

Richard Sherman Puts The NFL On Blast
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014,  Richard Sherman Puts The NFL On Blast
Since the Seahawks took home their first Super Bowl ring in 2013, Seattle's team has been feeling its Cheerios. One of the squad's best talkers, Richard Sherman, decided to unload on the NFL with both barrels back in November after the organization fined QB Marshawn Lynch $100,000 for refusing to talk to the press. Lynch's epic two-minute rant, delivered next to a cardboard cutout of Doug Baldwin that the real Doug Baldwin hid behind, set the sports Internet on fire and proved that he's got the chops to stand with the best talkers in football history. (Photo credit: Seahawks)

Ice Bucket Challenge
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Ice Bucket Challenge
Not everything that broke the Internet in 2014 was vapid or awful - we actually managed to do some good this year as well. The Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis Association launched the first real fundraiser of the viral video age with the Ice Bucket Challenge, in which celebs and ordinary Joes either doused themselves with freezing cold water or donated cash to the group, which aims to cure the condition also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. Of course, most people did the bucket and made a donation, which let the ALS Association rake in over $100 million over the summer. (Photo credit: Syracuse)

Alex From Target
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Alex From Target
The online world is weird. There's no predicting exactly what's going to make the Internet go crazy - it can be a million-dollar ad campaign, or it can be a studly teenage boy working retail. The strange story of Alex from Target was the year's most unexpected viral sensation - a creepshot of a 16-year-old checkout clerk in Frisco, Texas captivated teenage girls all over the world. The photo spread on Tumblr like a plague, trending worldwide and making Alex Lee an instant - and unwitting - superstar. The weirdest part of the whole affair was when a marketing firm tried and failed to take credit for the whole thing. (Photo credit: Twitter)

Kim Kardashian's Oily Butt
10 Stories That Broke The Internet In 2014, Kim Kardashian's Oily Butt
The phrase "break the internet" was coined in late November in response to the release of Kim Kardashian's Paper Magazine cover shoot. The photos featured her ample posterior coated in an unidentified glossy substance that reflected all of our hopes and dreams. The initial shot was shared over a million times, which is insane. So, it's safe to say that she succeeded in breaking the Internet. At least for a day or so. (Photo credit: Paper Magazine)

 

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10 Historic Figures And Their Famous Last Words

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Do you know what your last words will be? You better start thinking about it if you want to top some of the last things these historic figures said. From funnyman Bob Hope to the man responsible for modern technology, Steve Jobs, all of these historic figures had something incredibly interesting to say right before they passed away. Some of them were more articulate than the others, but they're all pretty entertaining nonetheless. After watching the video above, it's probably time for you to begin preparing yours so you can go out with a bang as well.

 

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