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The transition from your 20s to 30s is one you dread for years, but once it happens, you realize it's pretty fantastic. Somehow a switch flips in your mind and things that seemed so important when you were younger no longer matter. Obviously there are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, here are 13 things you stop caring about in your 30s.
1. Trends
Oh, is everyone wearing a stick through the back of their shirt like a scarecrow now because Beyoncé did it in a video? Good for her and everyone that wants to feel like they have scoliosis, but I think I'll just stick with my sweatshirt. It's not a matter of being out of touch, but rather not caring about participating in something that you think is stupid or you'd regret seeing a picture of you doing in six months.
2. Doing Things You Don't Want to Do
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In the past you would have felt obligated to go to that party that will be the talk of the town, but now you realize it's all the way across town, you have to get up early the next day, you don't like the venue and, most importantly, you just really don't want to go. So guess what? You're not going to go and, instead, you're going to stay home, have a sensible dinner, and try out your new Dyson Ball vacuum.
3. Packing Every Weekend with Events
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You've got nothing to prove by going hard all night on Friday, chugging Red Bull, then hitting it just as hard all day Saturday and Sunday. Sure, you're open to going out and having a great time, but if it's going to take a month to recover from a weekend, we'll probably just pass and spend the night doing something useful like getting a full 8 hours of sleep.
4. Popular Music
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Not everything new is bad, but you're not going to listen to something just because it's the hot new track. Now if someone decides to do a cover or sample one of your all-time favorite songs and turns it into some awful club mix, you'll let your fury and anger be known to anyone that will listen.
5. Drama
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"OMG did you hear what Stephanie said about Steve?!" No, and I don't care. When you hit your 30s, you're happy to give advice or help settle an argument, but when you hear stories about people who constantly bicker and start drama with each other, your advice is to either stop being stupid or stop telling you about it.
6. The Front Row at Concerts
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Remember how you wanted to be as close as possible at a concert and if you weren't sweaty and injured by the time you left, then it wasn't a real show? Yeah, that's a terrible idea. Now, if you can't get seats to a show, then you're not going. Who wants to stand for three hours to hear a bunch of openers you've never heard of and then a band that has two songs you actually enjoy? And don't even get me started on those music festivals where you sleep outside and can't shower for a week.
7. Birthdays
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If there's something you need, usually you just go buy it instead of waiting for Christmas or your birthday, so you don't have a birthday or Christmas wish list. Instead of your party having to be the social event of the year, you're satisfied with having a few close friends go out to eat instead of partying until you can leave a trail of vomit like a sloppy version of Hansel and Gretel.
8. Loud Places
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If you have to try and talk over 300 other screaming people, a DJ that won't stop asking everyone to make some noise, and a seemingly endless loop of Pitbull songs, then you're going somewhere else. We don't have to go home, but you're not staying somewhere that causes your eardrums to leak for the next week.
9. Being Out Late
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If you're feeling it and don't have any obligations the next day, you're down to stay out late, but by no means do you feel obligated. Plus, you've been wearing dress clothes at work all day and then you had to dress up to go out, so if you don't get some sweatpants on your legs soon things are going to get bad quickly.
10. Crowded Places
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You don't care what kind of reviews it got on Yelp or if the guy who won "Top Chef" Season 3 personally approved the menu; if it's crowded and uncomfortable, you're either going to go somewhere else that doesn't feel like Times Square on New Year's Eve, or you're going to be absolutely miserable the whole time. You'll also make a mental note of who planned the event so you know to be sick the next time they invite you out.
11. The Opinion of People in Their 20s
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By no means do you claim to have it all figured out, but when you hear people younger than you with little or no life experience trying to explain how the world works, you're not rude, but you realize they have no idea what they're talking about. I'm sure the 20-year-old explaining why finances are a useless constraint from society has the best intentions, but you'd love to check back with him in a decade and see how that opinion worked out.
12. Casual Dating
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If you know it's not a good match after a date or two, there's no need in continuing it just for the sake of dating. Sometimes it doesn't have to get to the first date before you know it's not going to happen. If she's a strict vegan and you're famous for your BBQ ribs recipe, you're not going to pretend to love kale just to impress her. Just save you both some time and move on.
13. Going to Movies on Friday or Saturday Night
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Who cares if it's opening weekend and everyone is going to be there? If you have to spend the whole time being annoyed at the loud teenagers in the back row and the lady three rows down that won't stop checking her phone, then it would be better to wait until it's on Netflix. That's why you have no problem going to a movie on a Tuesday at 2 p.m. if it means you can enjoy the film in peace. If no one else can go, then you'll gladly go alone. It's not like you hang out and chat during it anyway.
Design by Chris Kim
1. The Public Break-Up
2. The Big Finale Spoilers
5. The Endless Game Invites
6. The Passive Aggressive Photo Crop
11. The Mopey Plea For Attention
12. The Digital PDA
