Breaking up is hard. We all know that. Breaking up over text is just plain awkward. These 10 hilarious examples show us why it's probably best to just tough it out and have these sort of conversations in person.
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These Hilariously Awkward Breakup Texts Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself
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The 10 Worst Types of Grocery Shoppers
Grocery shopping these days is not for the faint of heart. So many choices; so many prices; and so many people. That's why when it comes to getting groceries, I like to get in and get out as efficiently as possible. There's just one problem: these assholes.
The Too Many Items Asshole
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
When you sneak in front of me at the express checkout lane, and I look at your cart full of groceries, only one thought is going through my mind: You fucking prick. Everyone else is thinking it, too, including the cashier. I know you are not a 5-year-old, and I know you understand the rules, so I also know now that you are a selfish, entitled asshole. The 15 items or less line is genius, but only if jackasses like you don't screw it up for everyone. I hope you get a flat tire on your drive home.
The Old Lady Paying With a Check
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
Listen lady, I know you're old and I should respect my elders, but just because you're not in a hurry doesn't mean the rest of us who didn't wake up at 5 a.m. today aren't. You probably just figured out how to send an email to your grandchildren, so take the next step and learn how to use a debit card. And if you absolutely must write a check, have everything other than the amount filled out BEFORE the cashier tells you your total. And for the love of God, forget about the memo line, granny.
The Aisle Blocker
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
Excuse me, miss? Would you mind getting your damn cart out of the middle of the aisle so I can grab some Easy Mac? There's a pretty good rule of thumb to go by if you want to avoid blocking the aisle and pissing everyone off: If your cart is not directly beside you, it is in the way. Furthermore, if you have wandered away from your cart because you are on the phone with your mom who is helping you find items for a new recipe, it is in the way and I hate you. Clear the lane.
Mr. First Time in Self-Checkout
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
You don't have to be old to be this guy. You just have to be a dumbass, which you are, because you can't figure out how to scan, bag and pay for the three items in your hands. Typically, two out of four self-checkouts are out of order at any given grocery store, so if you aren't confident in your skills just go wait in the express lane and hope that The Too Many Items Asshole isn't holding things up.
The Coupon Queen
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
Congratulations! You just saved 39 cents on your third Stouffer's Lasagna and got ten cans of tuna for the price of nine. You've also wasted a large chunk of your life trying to swindle a grocery store chain that makes billions of dollars out of a few bucks a year. There's nothing wrong with taking savings when it's readily available, but Coupon Queens and other "super couponers" are losers.
The Produce Sniffer
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
What the hell is wrong with you? In what world do you need to shove fruits and vegetables up your nose to make sure they are good enough for your diet? You are a weird dude, rivaled only by the The Fruit Molester a couple rows down. It's almost as if you think you are on another planet, and the only way to tell if that cucumber is safe to eat is to snot all over it. Please buy everything you touch, you freak.
The Deli Counter Sampler
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
Do you see that number on the wall back there? It says 42, and the ticket I'm holding says 51. I'm going to be here all damn day if you don't stop sampling every side dish and asking for a test slice to make sure your honey-baked ham is cut to the perfect sixteenth-of-an-inch thickness. This isn't a fucking free buffet and the workers have other customers to get to so just get the medium-sized container of chicken salad like you always do and get the hell out of here.
The Checked Out Parent
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
Some shoppers may find it funny or cute that your son is sitting in the freezer, but nobody finds it funny that your other kid is currently screaming and knocking cereal off the shelf. You may have had a stressful week, and the last thing you want to be doing right now is shopping with your children, but that does not give you the right to check out and let them treat the store like a goddamn Chuck E. Cheese's. It's nobody else's fault that you are daydreaming about life before you had kids while staring at your grocery list, so snap out of it and get your animals under control.
The Food Spoiler
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
The most annoying part about this terrible person is that you don't know who it is. It could be that lazy looking schlub over there, or it could be the innocent looking cute girl over there. Or it could be you! The Food Spoiler doesn't necessarily harm me in any way, but knowing that someone grabbed a perishable food item, then decided they didn't want it, and was too lazy to walk it back to where it belongs really irks me. If there was any justice in this world, whoever did it would get the spoiled milk dumped on their head in the parking lot.
The Still Trying to Pick Up Chicks at the Grocery Store Scumbag
![worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes]()
You're gross. You're creepy. Everyone thinks you suck. To top it off, you're the worst of the worst when it comes to asshole grocery shoppers. Please go home immediately.
The Too Many Items Asshole
When you sneak in front of me at the express checkout lane, and I look at your cart full of groceries, only one thought is going through my mind: You fucking prick. Everyone else is thinking it, too, including the cashier. I know you are not a 5-year-old, and I know you understand the rules, so I also know now that you are a selfish, entitled asshole. The 15 items or less line is genius, but only if jackasses like you don't screw it up for everyone. I hope you get a flat tire on your drive home.
The Old Lady Paying With a Check
Listen lady, I know you're old and I should respect my elders, but just because you're not in a hurry doesn't mean the rest of us who didn't wake up at 5 a.m. today aren't. You probably just figured out how to send an email to your grandchildren, so take the next step and learn how to use a debit card. And if you absolutely must write a check, have everything other than the amount filled out BEFORE the cashier tells you your total. And for the love of God, forget about the memo line, granny.
The Aisle Blocker
Excuse me, miss? Would you mind getting your damn cart out of the middle of the aisle so I can grab some Easy Mac? There's a pretty good rule of thumb to go by if you want to avoid blocking the aisle and pissing everyone off: If your cart is not directly beside you, it is in the way. Furthermore, if you have wandered away from your cart because you are on the phone with your mom who is helping you find items for a new recipe, it is in the way and I hate you. Clear the lane.
Mr. First Time in Self-Checkout
You don't have to be old to be this guy. You just have to be a dumbass, which you are, because you can't figure out how to scan, bag and pay for the three items in your hands. Typically, two out of four self-checkouts are out of order at any given grocery store, so if you aren't confident in your skills just go wait in the express lane and hope that The Too Many Items Asshole isn't holding things up.
The Coupon Queen
Congratulations! You just saved 39 cents on your third Stouffer's Lasagna and got ten cans of tuna for the price of nine. You've also wasted a large chunk of your life trying to swindle a grocery store chain that makes billions of dollars out of a few bucks a year. There's nothing wrong with taking savings when it's readily available, but Coupon Queens and other "super couponers" are losers.
The Produce Sniffer
What the hell is wrong with you? In what world do you need to shove fruits and vegetables up your nose to make sure they are good enough for your diet? You are a weird dude, rivaled only by the The Fruit Molester a couple rows down. It's almost as if you think you are on another planet, and the only way to tell if that cucumber is safe to eat is to snot all over it. Please buy everything you touch, you freak.
The Deli Counter Sampler
Do you see that number on the wall back there? It says 42, and the ticket I'm holding says 51. I'm going to be here all damn day if you don't stop sampling every side dish and asking for a test slice to make sure your honey-baked ham is cut to the perfect sixteenth-of-an-inch thickness. This isn't a fucking free buffet and the workers have other customers to get to so just get the medium-sized container of chicken salad like you always do and get the hell out of here.
The Checked Out Parent
Some shoppers may find it funny or cute that your son is sitting in the freezer, but nobody finds it funny that your other kid is currently screaming and knocking cereal off the shelf. You may have had a stressful week, and the last thing you want to be doing right now is shopping with your children, but that does not give you the right to check out and let them treat the store like a goddamn Chuck E. Cheese's. It's nobody else's fault that you are daydreaming about life before you had kids while staring at your grocery list, so snap out of it and get your animals under control.
The Food Spoiler
The most annoying part about this terrible person is that you don't know who it is. It could be that lazy looking schlub over there, or it could be the innocent looking cute girl over there. Or it could be you! The Food Spoiler doesn't necessarily harm me in any way, but knowing that someone grabbed a perishable food item, then decided they didn't want it, and was too lazy to walk it back to where it belongs really irks me. If there was any justice in this world, whoever did it would get the spoiled milk dumped on their head in the parking lot.
The Still Trying to Pick Up Chicks at the Grocery Store Scumbag
You're gross. You're creepy. Everyone thinks you suck. To top it off, you're the worst of the worst when it comes to asshole grocery shoppers. Please go home immediately.
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This Is The Best Possible Thing You Could Find Hidden In Your Car
Most of you would take your car to a shop if it needed any sort of repair. But if this isn't motivation to learn how to fix certain things yourself, I don't know what is.
A guy attempting to repair his car door found something we would all really like to find hidden in our car (no, it's not that long lost french fry). Obviously there is a good chance this isn't real, but if it is...this just might be the luckiest man on the planet.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take my car apart.
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A guy attempting to repair his car door found something we would all really like to find hidden in our car (no, it's not that long lost french fry). Obviously there is a good chance this isn't real, but if it is...this just might be the luckiest man on the planet.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take my car apart.
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Chinese Basketball Player Tries to Dunk Over Five Guys But Fails Miserably
The Chinese Basketball Association's slam dunk contest probably wasn't something that you had circled on your calendar this year, but after this epic dunk fail, it might be something worth checking out in the future.
According to Yahoo! Sports, the dunk contest was part of the CBA's All-Star Game festivities last weekend, and one participant decided to take a page out of Blake Griffin's book and jump over an obstacle to show off his hops. Except instead of using a Kia Optima like Griffin, this guy decided to use five Chinese men, and that didn't work out too well.
Now, if the dunk attempt was called "The Human Domino," then the slow motion replay reveals that he probably should have received the max score from the judges.
Even funnier than the player's first try at throwing the ball through the bucket is the fact that on his second attempt, he replaced the five guys standing with just one guy kneeling on the court. And while he completed the dunk this time around, he kicked the the poor guy in the head in the process.
They also have trouble with threesomes in China: Chinese Threesome in Car Ends Up With Accident and Broken Legs
According to Yahoo! Sports, the dunk contest was part of the CBA's All-Star Game festivities last weekend, and one participant decided to take a page out of Blake Griffin's book and jump over an obstacle to show off his hops. Except instead of using a Kia Optima like Griffin, this guy decided to use five Chinese men, and that didn't work out too well.
Now, if the dunk attempt was called "The Human Domino," then the slow motion replay reveals that he probably should have received the max score from the judges.
Even funnier than the player's first try at throwing the ball through the bucket is the fact that on his second attempt, he replaced the five guys standing with just one guy kneeling on the court. And while he completed the dunk this time around, he kicked the the poor guy in the head in the process.
They also have trouble with threesomes in China: Chinese Threesome in Car Ends Up With Accident and Broken Legs
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Guy Gets Hit by Motorcyle During Live News Report
Eurostar delays can be super annoying. You know, almost as annoying as getting hit by a motorcyclist as you try to make your way into the terminal.
According to the Daily Mail, an ITV News reporter was doing a live report on Eurostar delays in front of London's St. Pancras International train station when some poor bastard attempting to make his way inside the terminal got smoked by an out of control crotch rocket.
Surprisingly, it looks like the guy who was hit by the bike was able to hop up onto his own two feet and survey the situation, but if he had a few souvenir pints in his suitcase, odds are they didn't make it. And while it looked like the motorcyclist was seriously injured, reporter Ria Chatterjee tweeted that both men ended up being OK.
In a related story, ITV News reporter Ria Chatterjee is a smoking hottie.
That was intense, but it's tough to top what happened during this live news report: Reporter Interrupted During Live Broadcast by Very Vulgar Videobomber
According to the Daily Mail, an ITV News reporter was doing a live report on Eurostar delays in front of London's St. Pancras International train station when some poor bastard attempting to make his way inside the terminal got smoked by an out of control crotch rocket.
Surprisingly, it looks like the guy who was hit by the bike was able to hop up onto his own two feet and survey the situation, but if he had a few souvenir pints in his suitcase, odds are they didn't make it. And while it looked like the motorcyclist was seriously injured, reporter Ria Chatterjee tweeted that both men ended up being OK.
The pedestrian and motorcyclist who collided during my live broadcast at St Pancras Stn are both fine.
- Ria Chatterjee (@RiaChatter) January 18, 2015
In a related story, ITV News reporter Ria Chatterjee is a smoking hottie.
That was intense, but it's tough to top what happened during this live news report: Reporter Interrupted During Live Broadcast by Very Vulgar Videobomber
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Swearing Seahawks Fan Wrecks His Baby's Birthday Song (NSFW Language)
The Seattle Seahawks completed the largest comeback in championship game history on Sunday with an improbable 28-22 overtime victory over the visiting Green Bay Packers.
But for 56 minutes, it looked as though the Packers were going to pull off the upset of the year thanks to five Seattle turnovers, including a first quarter Doug Baldwin fumble on a kick return following Green Bay's first points of the game.
It was at that moment that a mother decided to make a birthday video with her "Beast Mode" baby for the kid's grandma. And while the video was meant to just capture mother and child singing a cute little jingle, it also picked up the young Seahawks fan's dad cursing like a sailor because of his team's atrocious start.
No word if that video was still sent to grandma or if a much happier version of the song was recorded after the Seahawks pulled off the miracle victory.
Let's face it: Swearing is hysterical: When Reporters Swear Live on TV, We Laugh
But for 56 minutes, it looked as though the Packers were going to pull off the upset of the year thanks to five Seattle turnovers, including a first quarter Doug Baldwin fumble on a kick return following Green Bay's first points of the game.
It was at that moment that a mother decided to make a birthday video with her "Beast Mode" baby for the kid's grandma. And while the video was meant to just capture mother and child singing a cute little jingle, it also picked up the young Seahawks fan's dad cursing like a sailor because of his team's atrocious start.
No word if that video was still sent to grandma or if a much happier version of the song was recorded after the Seahawks pulled off the miracle victory.
Let's face it: Swearing is hysterical: When Reporters Swear Live on TV, We Laugh
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Today's Funny Photos
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The Sky's the Limit for Skye McDonald
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18 Movies to Look Forward to This Year
Despite being the year of the "Entourage" movie and yet another installment of the "Taken" franchise, there are lots of great films on the horizon for 2015. "American Sniper" is currently crushing it and there are more hits to come in way of franchise revivals, franchise closers and book adaptations -- all from top directors and actors in one of the most highly anticipated years in recent memory. If you aren't satisfied with this eyeful of new movies to look forward to this year, then I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (February 13)
Director: Matthew Vaughn
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, kingsman the secret service]()
Guys will want to go to the movies with their ladies on this weekend, but men will be going to see Colin Firth as a Secret Service agent trying to stop Samuel L. Jackson from going on a climate-related killing spree while their girlfriends finger-blast themselves to "Fifty Shades of Grey." Both sexes win and both come out happy and horny from stimulating plot lines.
Chappie (March 6)
Director: Neill Blomkamp
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, chappie]()
If "District 9" had a ménage à trois with "Short Circuit" and "Wall-E," we imagine "Chappie" is what you'd come out with nine months later (after proper post-production, that is). The story of the first thinking and feeling robot to learn his way into the world and become his own man through constant trial and tribulation stars Hugh Jackman under the direction of "District 9" filmmaker Neill Blomkamp.
Furious 7 (April 3)
Director: James Wan
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, furious 7]()
Vin Diesel is back for the final round of fast cars, fast ladies and incredible stunts. Normally we wouldn't promote such a 'roided-up adrenaline-junkie blockbuster, but we do love the late Paul Walker. April's big hit features Diesel's character, Dominic, and his crew in the throes of Jason Statham's vengeance for his brother's death, calling for one last ride for the furious and fast folk.
Tomorrowland (May 22)
Director: Brad Bird
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, tomorrowland]()
One of Disney's biggest anticipations is "Tomorrowland," the place that exists between space and time, a place where anything is possible and people can actually change the world. Starring George Clooney as the genius inventor and Britt Robertson as his sidekick, the two embark on a journey to uncover the secrets of this special universe.
Get Hard (March 27)
Director: Etan Cohen
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, get hard]()
Will Ferrell has been needing a movie like this -- I'm calling Best Comedy of the Year -- for a while as he teams up with Kevin Hart in this white collar-turned-prison-convict riot. Hart, who is currently starring in "The Wedding Ringer," teaches a rich embezzler how to get hard for his 10-year sentence in maximum security prison. Expect light to heavy racism inside of white-collar jokes, and Alison Brie looking sexy.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1)
Director: Joss Whedon
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, avengers age of ultron]()
The Marvel team kicks off superhero season with the long awaited follow-up sequel starring James Spader as the villainous Ultron going against Hulk, Iron Man and Scarlett Johansson in a sexy spider outfit. Additional characters like Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch will appear and, you guessed it, the team will squabble over who is the toughest before ultimately defeating a different bad guy.
Mad Max: Fury Road (May 15)
Director: George Miller
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, mad max fury road]()
With the same director as the original 1980 Mel Gibson classic, Tom Hardy is taking the reins - accompanied by Charlize Theron and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley - as Max Rockatansky. He wanders a post-apocalyptic world before banning together with Furiosa (Theron) and her gang of fugitives in an action-packed IMAX 3D visual spectacle.
Jurassic World (June 12)
Director: Colin Trevorrow
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, jurassic world]()
The fourth installment of the disastrous dinosaur theme park series, the first since 2001, features a chiseled Chris Pratt and a few upgrades in the production value. The film, based on a story by the late Michael Crichton, takes us into an upgraded park, or world, that has flourished in its entertainment value to the masses. There will also be an introduction to a scientifically created hybrid dinosaur, which will likely lead to mass chaos, destruction and Chris Pratt wishing he was back in Pawnee, Indiana.
Terminator: Genisys (July 1)
Director: Alan Taylor
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, terminator genisys]()
The Terminator is back, just like he said he'd be. Only this time, a modern day Kyle Reese goes back into an alternate timeline to save Sarah Connor where they meet up with Arnold in an attempt to change the future. Overshadowed by Magic Mike's XXL erection that weekend, Arnold will have to make the fires after spending several years putting them out as the governor of Cala-forn-ia. If you can't wait to see a real Arnold film, check him out in the quietly anticipated indie zombie flick "Maggie" expected a bit earlier in the spring. (We apologize for trying to script Arnold's accent there.)
Ted 2 (June 26)
Director: Seth MacFarlane
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, ted 2]()
Of all the sequels -- "Hot Tub Time Machine," "Magic Mike XXL" and "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" -- the return of "Ted" is the only one we're not loading our shotgun in anticipation of. MacFarlane is back as writer and director of the sequel to the hit summer comedy "Ted." After showing us a million ways to die in the west, the "Family Guy" guy returns with his hilarious bear voice -- a cross between Peter Griffin and his dog Brian -- along with star Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried (in place of Mila Kunis) and special guests, Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman. Quick spoiler: Ted is getting married! Two bears!?
Ant-Man (July 17)
Director: Peyton Reed
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, ant-man]()
It's true that big things come in very, very small packages. And the smallest of superheroes, Ant-Man, makes his debut in the Marvel arena, played surprisingly by funny man Paul Rudd. Starting out as a convicted con man, Rudd's character will work alongside mentor Hank Pam (Michael Douglas) to save the world as the tiny, but mighty Ant-Man.
Spectre (November 6)
Director: Sam Mendes![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, spectre james bond]()
The 24th installment of the James Bond franchise, titled "Spectre," will feature the return of Daniel Craig in front of the camera and Sam Mendes behind it. The film concentrates on Bond deciphering a cryptic message from his past and the secrets of a global terrorist organization become realized. Expect elaborate chases, a new Aston Martin and potentially one of the sexiest Bond girls to date.
The Hateful Eight (November 13)
Director: Quentin Tarantino
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, hateful eight]()
A group of bounty hunters travel through a blizzard trying to survive, but the temptation of betrayal might be too much for them to survive. Tarantino's script was rumored to be leaked, but the film has pushed ahead with a fall release featuring recurring Tarantino cast members Samuel Jackson, Mark Madsen and Tim Roth, along with Channing Tatum, Zoe Bell and Kurt Russell.
The Martian (November 25)
Director: Ridley Scott
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, the martian]()
Matt Damon is stranded on Mars, trying not to die. It's basically "Interstellar 2," only less confusing and more Matt Damon. He's accompanied by Kate Mara, Jessica Chastain and Kristen Wiig (Way to go, Matt!). The film is directed by Ridley Scott, whom just released his recent "Exodus: Gods and Kings." And yes, we realize that's Matt Damon pictured from "Interstellar." Get over it.
Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (December 18)
Director: J.J. Abrams
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, star wars 7]()
Easily the most anticipated film of a lifetime is the return not only of the Jedi but of the George Lucas franchise since he sold his life away to Disney. J.J. Abrams is at the helm in the seventh installment of the intergalactic escapades, featuring upgrades in everything except with the same old original actors -- Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. The film takes place 30 years after "Episode VI: Return of the Jedi" so we'll have to bust out our VCRs to prep for this brain-buster.
The Peanuts Movie (December 21)
Director: Steve Martino
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, peanuts movie]()
Returning also from a lengthy hibernation are the Peanuts characters in their first high-definition, big-screen celebration. Snoopy, Charlie Brown and friends will battle his nemesis and bring dreams to life in this feel-good adventure film of the holiday season from the mind of the late Charles Schulz. As far as throwback animated films, it was either this or "The Jungle Book," another anticipated film run by Jon Favreau, which was just pushed to spring of 2016.
Mission: Impossible V (December 25)
Director: Christopher McQuarrie
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, mission impossible 5]()
Nobody but Tom Cruise could keep a franchise going like this, and he's returning with Jeremy Renner, along with Sean Harris rumored as the villain. The plot is unknown as this time, but all viewers need to know is that Ethan Hunt will be entering into the building in the most difficult way possible, hand-to-hand combat will be mixed with guns, fast vehicles, somebody's greed for money, power and mass destruction. Also, there will be a sexy actress to accompany him, perhaps his wife. Perhaps not. It's Tom Cruise we're talking about here.
The Revenant (December 25)
Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu
![upcoming 2015 movies, highly anticipated new movies 2015, the revenant]()
Leonardo DiCaprio makes his return to the screen as Hugh Glass, a frontiersman who is left for dead after a bear attack. Set in the early 1800s, Glass goes about his way getting revenge on everyone who left him to die. Tom Hardy is set across from DiCaprio, their first time since "Inception," in another bloody Christmas Day massacre for the whole family to enjoy.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (February 13)
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Guys will want to go to the movies with their ladies on this weekend, but men will be going to see Colin Firth as a Secret Service agent trying to stop Samuel L. Jackson from going on a climate-related killing spree while their girlfriends finger-blast themselves to "Fifty Shades of Grey." Both sexes win and both come out happy and horny from stimulating plot lines.
Chappie (March 6)
Director: Neill Blomkamp
If "District 9" had a ménage à trois with "Short Circuit" and "Wall-E," we imagine "Chappie" is what you'd come out with nine months later (after proper post-production, that is). The story of the first thinking and feeling robot to learn his way into the world and become his own man through constant trial and tribulation stars Hugh Jackman under the direction of "District 9" filmmaker Neill Blomkamp.
Furious 7 (April 3)
Director: James Wan
Vin Diesel is back for the final round of fast cars, fast ladies and incredible stunts. Normally we wouldn't promote such a 'roided-up adrenaline-junkie blockbuster, but we do love the late Paul Walker. April's big hit features Diesel's character, Dominic, and his crew in the throes of Jason Statham's vengeance for his brother's death, calling for one last ride for the furious and fast folk.
Tomorrowland (May 22)
Director: Brad Bird
One of Disney's biggest anticipations is "Tomorrowland," the place that exists between space and time, a place where anything is possible and people can actually change the world. Starring George Clooney as the genius inventor and Britt Robertson as his sidekick, the two embark on a journey to uncover the secrets of this special universe.
Get Hard (March 27)
Director: Etan Cohen
Will Ferrell has been needing a movie like this -- I'm calling Best Comedy of the Year -- for a while as he teams up with Kevin Hart in this white collar-turned-prison-convict riot. Hart, who is currently starring in "The Wedding Ringer," teaches a rich embezzler how to get hard for his 10-year sentence in maximum security prison. Expect light to heavy racism inside of white-collar jokes, and Alison Brie looking sexy.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1)
Director: Joss Whedon
The Marvel team kicks off superhero season with the long awaited follow-up sequel starring James Spader as the villainous Ultron going against Hulk, Iron Man and Scarlett Johansson in a sexy spider outfit. Additional characters like Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch will appear and, you guessed it, the team will squabble over who is the toughest before ultimately defeating a different bad guy.
Mad Max: Fury Road (May 15)
Director: George Miller
With the same director as the original 1980 Mel Gibson classic, Tom Hardy is taking the reins - accompanied by Charlize Theron and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley - as Max Rockatansky. He wanders a post-apocalyptic world before banning together with Furiosa (Theron) and her gang of fugitives in an action-packed IMAX 3D visual spectacle.
Jurassic World (June 12)
Director: Colin Trevorrow
The fourth installment of the disastrous dinosaur theme park series, the first since 2001, features a chiseled Chris Pratt and a few upgrades in the production value. The film, based on a story by the late Michael Crichton, takes us into an upgraded park, or world, that has flourished in its entertainment value to the masses. There will also be an introduction to a scientifically created hybrid dinosaur, which will likely lead to mass chaos, destruction and Chris Pratt wishing he was back in Pawnee, Indiana.
Terminator: Genisys (July 1)
Director: Alan Taylor
The Terminator is back, just like he said he'd be. Only this time, a modern day Kyle Reese goes back into an alternate timeline to save Sarah Connor where they meet up with Arnold in an attempt to change the future. Overshadowed by Magic Mike's XXL erection that weekend, Arnold will have to make the fires after spending several years putting them out as the governor of Cala-forn-ia. If you can't wait to see a real Arnold film, check him out in the quietly anticipated indie zombie flick "Maggie" expected a bit earlier in the spring. (We apologize for trying to script Arnold's accent there.)
Ted 2 (June 26)
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Of all the sequels -- "Hot Tub Time Machine," "Magic Mike XXL" and "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" -- the return of "Ted" is the only one we're not loading our shotgun in anticipation of. MacFarlane is back as writer and director of the sequel to the hit summer comedy "Ted." After showing us a million ways to die in the west, the "Family Guy" guy returns with his hilarious bear voice -- a cross between Peter Griffin and his dog Brian -- along with star Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried (in place of Mila Kunis) and special guests, Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman. Quick spoiler: Ted is getting married! Two bears!?
Ant-Man (July 17)
Director: Peyton Reed
It's true that big things come in very, very small packages. And the smallest of superheroes, Ant-Man, makes his debut in the Marvel arena, played surprisingly by funny man Paul Rudd. Starting out as a convicted con man, Rudd's character will work alongside mentor Hank Pam (Michael Douglas) to save the world as the tiny, but mighty Ant-Man.
Spectre (November 6)
Director: Sam Mendes
The 24th installment of the James Bond franchise, titled "Spectre," will feature the return of Daniel Craig in front of the camera and Sam Mendes behind it. The film concentrates on Bond deciphering a cryptic message from his past and the secrets of a global terrorist organization become realized. Expect elaborate chases, a new Aston Martin and potentially one of the sexiest Bond girls to date.
The Hateful Eight (November 13)
Director: Quentin Tarantino
A group of bounty hunters travel through a blizzard trying to survive, but the temptation of betrayal might be too much for them to survive. Tarantino's script was rumored to be leaked, but the film has pushed ahead with a fall release featuring recurring Tarantino cast members Samuel Jackson, Mark Madsen and Tim Roth, along with Channing Tatum, Zoe Bell and Kurt Russell.
The Martian (November 25)
Director: Ridley Scott
Matt Damon is stranded on Mars, trying not to die. It's basically "Interstellar 2," only less confusing and more Matt Damon. He's accompanied by Kate Mara, Jessica Chastain and Kristen Wiig (Way to go, Matt!). The film is directed by Ridley Scott, whom just released his recent "Exodus: Gods and Kings." And yes, we realize that's Matt Damon pictured from "Interstellar." Get over it.
Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (December 18)
Director: J.J. Abrams
Easily the most anticipated film of a lifetime is the return not only of the Jedi but of the George Lucas franchise since he sold his life away to Disney. J.J. Abrams is at the helm in the seventh installment of the intergalactic escapades, featuring upgrades in everything except with the same old original actors -- Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. The film takes place 30 years after "Episode VI: Return of the Jedi" so we'll have to bust out our VCRs to prep for this brain-buster.
The Peanuts Movie (December 21)
Director: Steve Martino
Returning also from a lengthy hibernation are the Peanuts characters in their first high-definition, big-screen celebration. Snoopy, Charlie Brown and friends will battle his nemesis and bring dreams to life in this feel-good adventure film of the holiday season from the mind of the late Charles Schulz. As far as throwback animated films, it was either this or "The Jungle Book," another anticipated film run by Jon Favreau, which was just pushed to spring of 2016.
Mission: Impossible V (December 25)
Director: Christopher McQuarrie
Nobody but Tom Cruise could keep a franchise going like this, and he's returning with Jeremy Renner, along with Sean Harris rumored as the villain. The plot is unknown as this time, but all viewers need to know is that Ethan Hunt will be entering into the building in the most difficult way possible, hand-to-hand combat will be mixed with guns, fast vehicles, somebody's greed for money, power and mass destruction. Also, there will be a sexy actress to accompany him, perhaps his wife. Perhaps not. It's Tom Cruise we're talking about here.
The Revenant (December 25)
Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu
Leonardo DiCaprio makes his return to the screen as Hugh Glass, a frontiersman who is left for dead after a bear attack. Set in the early 1800s, Glass goes about his way getting revenge on everyone who left him to die. Tom Hardy is set across from DiCaprio, their first time since "Inception," in another bloody Christmas Day massacre for the whole family to enjoy.
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Guy Pranks His Wife By Filling House With Plastic Balls While She's Out
The last Roman Atwood prank we saw was him pretending to kill his kid in order to truly horrify his wife. She probably should have killed him after that, but she didn't, so the professional prankster is back at it. This prank is way more lighthearted and fun, though. While his wife is away for the day, Atwood turns his house into a ball pit, much to the delight of his kids and pretty much everyone else involved. It looks like an awesome time, and even his poor wife couldn't help but enjoy this one.
More Pranking: This is the Cruelest Prank Any Dad Has Ever Pulled on a Child
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Will Ferrell Smashed A Cheerleader In The Face With A Basketball (It's OK, It Was For A Movie)
Maybe Will Ferrell should give up on his hoop dreams and stick to acting. Just check out what happened when he tried a half-court shot at halftime of last night's New Orleans Pelicans-Los Angeles Lakers game.
Don't worry, people. It was all for a movie called "Daddy's Home," which will star Ferrell alongside Mark Wahlberg. No one was seriously injured. And now we really want to see that movie ASAP. See below for a couple more pics of Ferrell getting fake-tossed from the game after his half-court shot gone wrong.
Don't worry, people. It was all for a movie called "Daddy's Home," which will star Ferrell alongside Mark Wahlberg. No one was seriously injured. And now we really want to see that movie ASAP. See below for a couple more pics of Ferrell getting fake-tossed from the game after his half-court shot gone wrong.
Even better pic of Will Ferrell being led out of the Smoothie King Center by security at halftime of the Pels game. pic.twitter.com/RXKj72WXDx
- Brett (@thecajunboy) January 22, 2015
Will Ferrell being led out of the Smoothie King Center by security at halftime of the Pelicans/Lakers game. pic.twitter.com/AaOTEL8716
- Brett (@thecajunboy) January 22, 2015
H/t Uproxx
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week
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Julia Kelly is a Sexy Vine Superstar
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What Your Resume Would Look Like If You Were Honest
Everyone lies (or at least exaggerates) on their résumé. Even if you don't add in a few accomplishments you never quite achieved, you know you've inflated a few numbers or made yourself sound a little more important at your last job than you actually were. It's OK though, because the person reading your résumé isn't being truthful about how wonderful the work environment is and how much everyone loves working together as a team. But what would happen if you were completely honest on your résumé? It would probably look something like this:
![Honest resume, if you resume was honest, funny resume]()
![Honest resume, if you resume was honest, funny resume]()
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12 Last Meals of Famous Death Row Inmates
Even if you've never done anything wrong, you pretty much know what you'd ask for as your last meal if you were on death row. But tastes differ, so it's always interesting to hear what other people would choose. However, that choice is all fun and games for most of us. For the horrible people who have found themselves sentenced to death, this last meal was a very real thing. And you'll be very surprised to see what some of the most famous death row inmates of all time requested as a last meal. Spoiler alert: John Wayne Gacy's last meal totally explains why he was such a fatty.
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Erika Wheaton Will Make You Look Twice
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Fleshlight Model Visits Factory That Makes Her Fake Vagina (NSFW)
Erotic model Eufrat Mai, whose real vagina has been replicated thousands of times into Fleshlights, says she had no idea men could masturbate with her "wajeena."
Well, then we'd like to know what the hell her agent told her she was doing the day she went to work and let a few strangers make a mold of her goods.
According to Happy Place, Mai traveled from the Czech Republic to Spain to see and hold her fake vagina for the first time, and the Dutch news site Metropolis went along for the ride. On the way to the factory, she told them her father used to tell her that women were given a special present from God, and with their "wajeena," they could be stars.
As you'll see in the video, that couldn't be more true. Thanks dad.
It was mighty nice of the manager to let Mai play with a fresh replica of her own "wajeena" instead of busting out the one he already "used."
Mai's vagina is "out there" on purpose. These? Not so much: 15 Accidental Vaginas Out There in the World
Well, then we'd like to know what the hell her agent told her she was doing the day she went to work and let a few strangers make a mold of her goods.
According to Happy Place, Mai traveled from the Czech Republic to Spain to see and hold her fake vagina for the first time, and the Dutch news site Metropolis went along for the ride. On the way to the factory, she told them her father used to tell her that women were given a special present from God, and with their "wajeena," they could be stars.
As you'll see in the video, that couldn't be more true. Thanks dad.
It was mighty nice of the manager to let Mai play with a fresh replica of her own "wajeena" instead of busting out the one he already "used."
Mai's vagina is "out there" on purpose. These? Not so much: 15 Accidental Vaginas Out There in the World
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The 2015 Edition of NFL Bad Lip Reading is Here
For some reason, the NFL editions of the Bad Lip Reading videos are always so enjoyable. You might think you've already seen more than enough of these and consider not sitting through another one, but once you see Jason Garrett sing "Jigga Jick, Jabba Jabba," you'll be so very glad you did. It's time to laugh at something other than the phrase "deflated balls."
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Charlotte McKinney Goes Au Naturel For Carl's Jr.
Carl's Jr. has done it again. Known for their sexy ads featuring pop culture's hottest ladies - you know who we're talking about - Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, Kate Upton, Nina Agdal, Ashley Hartman, Kim Kardashian, Emily Ratajkowski and Sara Underwood - they've since upped the ante.
Like they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
So, they chose buxom Guess model Charlotte McKinney to introduce the brand's first fast food All-Natural Burger with grass-fed, free-range beef. And she is, like the burger itself, all-natural (and not wearing any clothes). Though you could care less about the burger, it is making us hungry. Check out her deliciously hot commercial below:
Like they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
So, they chose buxom Guess model Charlotte McKinney to introduce the brand's first fast food All-Natural Burger with grass-fed, free-range beef. And she is, like the burger itself, all-natural (and not wearing any clothes). Though you could care less about the burger, it is making us hungry. Check out her deliciously hot commercial below:
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'Cowgirl' is the Sex Position Most Likely to Wreck the Penis
Of course, you're still better off doing that than getting a handy from Edward Scissorhands.
According to a recent Brazilian study, a man is most likely to fracture his penis during sexual intercourse with a woman when she is on top.
![cowgirl is most dangerous sex position for sex]()
Between 2000 and 2013, there were 42 confirmed cases of penile fracture reported at various hospitals. 28 of those patients said they broke their knob during heterosexual intercourse, with half of them saying it happened when the woman was doing her thing on top.
Researchers suggested the reason behind "cowgirl" being the most devastating is that the woman controls the penis with her entire body weight on it when she's in that position.
Half of the 42 patients told doctors they heard an "audible crack" while bumping uglies, and that just sounds awful. However, almost 29 percent of the 28 heterosexual men with broken hogs said it happened when they were in the "doggy style" position.
Six men told doctors they broke their schlongs through some kind of penile manipulation, but they didn't give any specifics. And to be honest, we don't want to know.
Having sex with a helicopter would probably wreak havoc on your boomstick as well: The Weirdest Objects People Have Had Sex With
According to a recent Brazilian study, a man is most likely to fracture his penis during sexual intercourse with a woman when she is on top.
Between 2000 and 2013, there were 42 confirmed cases of penile fracture reported at various hospitals. 28 of those patients said they broke their knob during heterosexual intercourse, with half of them saying it happened when the woman was doing her thing on top.
Researchers suggested the reason behind "cowgirl" being the most devastating is that the woman controls the penis with her entire body weight on it when she's in that position.
Half of the 42 patients told doctors they heard an "audible crack" while bumping uglies, and that just sounds awful. However, almost 29 percent of the 28 heterosexual men with broken hogs said it happened when they were in the "doggy style" position.
Six men told doctors they broke their schlongs through some kind of penile manipulation, but they didn't give any specifics. And to be honest, we don't want to know.
Having sex with a helicopter would probably wreak havoc on your boomstick as well: The Weirdest Objects People Have Had Sex With
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