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Rita Ora is More Than Just 'Hot Right Now'


Man Arrested for Riding Bike in Supermarket Gives Us Early Mug Shot of the Year

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Let's be honest: This is exactly what you would expect a guy riding his bike through a grocery store to look like.

According to Huffington Post, 31-year-old Nathaniel Follette was arrested Sunday afternoon after he rode his bicycle through a California supermarket and threatened employees with a pocket knife. But it's the mug shot he left for future generations to see that's the real story here:

man riding bike through supermarket crazy mugshot, nathaniel follette
Police said a store manager and security guard at the Rancho San Miguel Market in Madera attempted to stop Follette from riding his bike through the store, but authorities were called after Follette pulled out a pocket knife and threatened them with it.

When officers arrived on the scene, Follette was still holding the knife, so they took him into custody. To say Follette was less than pleased about it would be a bigger understatement than saying the Jonas Brothers are below average.

Follette now faces resisting arrest and exhibiting a deadly weapon charges as well as a probable lack of employment.

This guy makes it look like getting arrested for robbing a bank is a crap ton of fun: Man Charged for Bank Robbery Was Super Stoked for His Mug Shot

 

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Hotel Workers Confess Their Dirty Secrets

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13 Horrifying Confessions from Hotel Workers
If you've ever had an unsatisfactory stay at a hotel, this video is not going to make you feel better about it. Thanks to the Whisper app, which lets users anonymously post their dark, filthy secrets, we now know some truly horrifying and malicious acts that employees of the hotel industry carry out on a daily basis. I suddenly don't want to travel ever again.

 

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The Best (and Worst) Bathroom Graffiti, Vol. 2

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Because we know one volume of bathroom graffiti wasn't nearly enough to keep you satisfied, we present to you another collectiom. The follow pics feature beautiful art and quippy awesomeness only the likes of geniuses are capable of. It has officially inspired me to buy a pen.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
There's nothing more badass than publicly defacing bathrooms, mahn.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Castaway 2.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Deep thoughts can distract from the task at hand.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
What do you call a hipster who crashed his moped? A Tumblr.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Girls being girls.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Words of encouragement for the tough times.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
A profound quote dismantled in five words.


bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
After a night of drinking ... Black-ish.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Let's hope a chocolate bunny rabbit melted...

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
And so says the jaded bathroom stall dweller.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
A reflection of what happens after a chalupa.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Definitely something I'm going to do to an ex-girlfriend.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Jabba the Hutt.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
... a shirtless man innocently inquired.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Ladies, here's a new defection (not defecation) you can use.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
I crumbed laughing at this.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Seriously though-those glory hole engineers need to step up their game.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Don't think I'll be able to brush my teeth ever again.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
And the quippiest quip ever goes to ... this asshole.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
The trench-coat ups the creep factor.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
"Tweets are just thinking farts."

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Technically, in the spacetime continuum, it always is.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
Always a last resort.

bathroom graffiti, funny graffiti, funny bathroom wall writing
And the confidence to pee shrivels away.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

12 Things We Tell Kids To Do That We Never Do As Adults

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We raise our kids the best way we know how and try to make them the best person they could possibly be. But let's face it, so many of the things we give our kids shit for doing, we do ourselves on almost a daily basis. I'm definitely not saying we shouldn't teach our children these important lessons, but most of the time we definitely aren't leading by example. Here are 12 things we tell kids to do that we never actually do ourselves.

1. Eat Everything on Your Plate
Elf eating gif
Them: Even if you don't try to make your kids eat everything on their plates, one of the biggest standoffs you have as a parent is trying to talk them into eating something they say they don't like. If you took the time to make it or ordered it for them, they're going to eat it.

You: When was the last time you sat down at Arby's and opened what was supposed to be a roast beef that turned out to be a ham sandwich? Odds are you didn't recall that lesson about eating whatever is in front of you no matter if you like it or not. I've driven back to Burger King because they forgot to put ketchup on a Whopper, so maybe cut your kid a little slack when he doesn't want to eat that piece of salmon that smells like Shrek's toilet.

2. Get Plenty of Rest
sleeping kid
Them: Of course you're going to tell your kid to get plenty of sleep because most of their developing is done while they're out. Plus, you always need those two hours after they go down to watch something on your DVR that has a rating above TV-14. The last thing you need is your child going to preschool and quoting "Sons of Anarchy."

You: You know you never give yourself a bedtime. Not only do you stay up way too late, you stay up way too late while doing absolutely nothing productive. It would be one thing if you were bettering yourself as a person, but odds are you're just mindlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed until your contacts start to feel like glue in your eyes.

3. Don't Watch Too Much TV
homer simpson tv
Them: Kids need to stay active and not spend all their time sitting in front of the TV. You get one hour of television and then you have to go play outside or do something educational. The only way you can get more TV time is if you watch something that teaches you math, spelling, or a foreign language that you'll never use.

You: The closest thing you watch to educational television is "Pawn Stars," when Rick gives a sketchy, 30 second history lesson on a customer's samurai sword. And as far as not watching too much TV, let's remember Saturdays and Sundays during football season when we basically start to become one with the recliner. Technically NFL Redzone only counts as one show, even though it lasts 7 hours, right?

4. Curse
middle finger kid
Them: There's no quicker way to get in trouble as a kid than to say a curse word. We do not use that kind of PG-13 language in this house young man. I'm not raising an even smaller Joe Pesci to grow up and be one of the Goodfellas.

You: Hmm, unless I missed a truly bizarre episode of "Dora the Explorer," I don't think she ever called Swiper a "shit sniffer" so I wonder where your little princess heard such terminology? If you made yourself start using a swear jar, you'd have to get a second job just to cover your profanity-riddled swearfest that takes place every time your boss asks you to come in on Saturday for no real reason.

5. Stop Playing on Your Phone
first world problems toilet phone
Them: No kid of mine is going to be watching YouTube videos on road trips instead of looking at the marvels and sights of the world. Look at that open road! You're not going to get a view like that on any blog.

You: You can't even go an entire meal without glancing down at your phone to see if maybe some random stranger poked, liked, or commented on your selfie. Every time you hear an alert from your phone you spring out of your chair and sprint over like the last ten minutes of "The Gambler." I know that's a newer reference and you may not have seen it yet, but towards the end there's this bizarrely long scene where Marky Mark is just running down the road at full speed. When you finally do watch it, you'll see that scene and remember this moment.

6. Don't Pick Your Nose

Them: If you feel like you need to clear out your nose, go to the bathroom and get a tissue like a civilized part of society. We don't DVR "Downton Abbey" for nothing, young man. We are a house of culture and sophistication.

You: If you think no one is watching, you finger is deeper in your nostril than the irrigation pipes that Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt strapped themselves to during the F-5 on "Twister." If you've ever stopped at a red light next to any other vehicle you know most people have no problem digging for a booger at any given moment. Some even do that move where their mouth hangs open and their finger just sits in their nose like they're frozen in time at the worst possible moment.

7. Sit up Straight
funny cat on couch
Them: We don't slouch in our chairs. That's rude and disrespectful. There are people out there who would love to have a non-curvy spine so be thankful for that. Heck, some people don't even have a chair to slouch in at all!

You: Some of us have done a decent job making sure our posture is in line, but others not so much. How is it possible you made your body look like the letter C? You're slumped down so far in your chair, it looks like you're waiting on a snake charmer to start playing a flute so you can slither back to the surface.

8. Make Your Bed
zero tucks given bed
Them: What do we do every morning before brushing our teeth? That's right, we make our beds. I don't care if you're just going to mess it up as soon as you get back into it tonight. We pride ourselves in our crisp sheets and numerous decorative pillows.

You: Unless your parents are coming to visit or you have a date you're trying to impress, you do that move where you yank the comforter up over the entire bed while the sheet stays down at the bottom and it's so lumpy it looks like a dozen toddlers completely failing at hide and seek.

9. Watch Something Different

Them: You've watched "Frozen" every day for the last six months so we're not watching it again for at least a week. You need to find something new to enjoy anyway. Plus I keep finding myself humming "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" at work and my co-workers are starting to stare.

You: How many new shows are on your DVR? If you do try something new you usually end up hating it, turning it off, and watching the same rerun of "Futurama" you've seen a dozen times. Don't forget all those mornings you turned on ESPN and let the exact same episode of "SportsCenter" play over and over until 2pm.

10. Wait an Hour After Eating Before You Swim
John Travolta eating in pool
Them: You can't get in the water, even if you're wearing floaties and a life vest, because you could get a cramp from that turkey sandwich and drown in the public pool before anyone even notices. It happened to my friend's cousin's neighbor when I was little. He was definitely real and definitely died.

You: Not only do you cannonball into the water as soon as you've inhaled as many hot dogs as the grill could hold, you also bought one of those drink holders that float so you can drink beers in the water and if one happens to fall out of your hand, it won't sink. Maybe if you're at the point that you can't grip a beer, it might be time to get out of the lake for a bit and take a nap?

11. Always Tell the Truth
Archer lying quote
Them: Honesty is always the best policy. If you tell the truth, you'll get in trouble, but nowhere near as much trouble as you will if you tell a lie. Well, unless you broke something really expensive then you're never getting an allowance for the rest of your life.

You: If there's any lesson we should listen to it's this one, but we definitely don't. "That's strange, I guess your email didn't go through." "My phone has been acting up so I guess I never got your text about inviting me to your party that I wanted to attend oh so badly and certainly didn't cringe as soon as I read it." If lies were old people, you'd be Cracker Barrel at 10am on a Tuesday.

12. Getting Upset Over Nothing
Arnold Gif
Them: Are you really screaming and crying because you dropped a spoon? Let's try not to make a big deal out of everything and flip out over stuff that doesn't matter nor does it affect us in any way.

You: Have you ever argued with someone in the comment section of an Internet article? Ever thrown your hat or yelled at the TV after your favorite team lost a game? Maybe deep down we're all just big poopy pants toddlers that have learned more subtle ways of throwing tantrums when we don't get our way.

 

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The Most Memorable TV and Movie Bosses

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Everyone wants to be the boss. Though there are shining examples, for the most part, movies and television provide few role models. For every mentor or caretaker, there are scores more who only see you as a dismissible cog there to spin the wheels toward their own success, which might be acutely realistic. With that ratio in mind, here are the most memorable bosses from the big and small screens.

C. Montgomery Burns, "The Simpsons"­­­­­­
worst tv bosses, mr. burns
He's frail enough to lose a tug of war to a baby and slow enough to be shot by one. Nuclear power plant owner and Homer Simpson's boss, Mr. Burns, is not only the epitome of evil but also about as old as that concept. Just for fun, he would crush the merry townspeople of Springfield in the palm of his hand if it wouldn't break every brittle bone in his body. Bane to union members, environmentalists, greyhounds, and just about every other living thing (save for his loyal assistant and sexual admirer, Mr. Smithers), Monty does have a large place in his hollow heart for greenery - specifically money, nuclear waste and more money. (Photo credit: 20th Century Fox/Photofest)

Miranda Priestley, "The Devil Wears Prada"
worst movie bosses, miranda priestly
She may not wield magic, but Miranda Priestley may be as evil as the evilest Disney villain. And though her fashion sense does not include Dalmatian fur, it has put her at the top of her field with the authority to terrorize not only every employee working for her illustrious Runway magazine, but perhaps the world at large. What make this ice queen from "The Devil Wears Prada" extra frightening is that she doesn't even raise her voice to transmit her rage. Her glare and her power is all she needs to bring the well-heeled glitterati to its knees. (Photo credit: 20th Century Fox/Photofest)

Charlie Townsend, "Charlie's Angels"
best tv bosses, charlie townsend
We assume that the best kind of boss is one whom you never see. The three lovely private investigators of "Charlie's Angels" have such a set up, taking their orders via intercom, but never holding meetings with the agency's owner in person. They do all the heavy lifting, putting themselves in harm's way, whether it be getting shot at, bound and gagged by nefarious henchman, pursued by speeding cars or going undercover in the clink and rousing an overwatchful eye of an overly matronly warden. And when the case gets solved - and it always does - Charlie celebrates the heaviest in some glamorous locale, often with a full glass of wine or champagne in one hand and another seductive babe in the other. (Photo credit: Columbia Pictures/Photofest)

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S., "Horrible Bosses"
worst movie bosses, dr. julia harris
If we had a choice between being molested in the dentist's chair by "Seinfeld's" Tim Whatley or "Horrible Bosses'" Julia Harris, Harris wins by a landslide. And the fact that she might constantly want to have sex with us as her employee is definitely reason to consider a career as a dental assistant. That and all the free floss that's bound to come our way. But in "Bosses," her assistant Dale despises this unwanted attention, particularly her threats to lie to his fiancée that they did it if they don't, and consequently wants her killed. We won't spoil the outcome, though the cast list and movie posters for the sequel may have already. We'll just respect her gumption, appreciate the outrageousness she brings to the movie and the table-turning door she's now opened for one to finally get to say to the dentist themselves, "Now spit." (Photo credit: Warner Bros. Pictures/Photofest)

Jack Donaghy, "30 Rock"
best tv bosses, jack donaghy
Jack Donaghy could have been a secret agent. He's suave, liquor-loving, and ready to vanquish any foe - even his own boss's teenage granddaughter who had her sights on the same network presidential perch as he. Instead he became a television executive, Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Programming to be exact, with the naked aforementioned ambition to ascend to the highest rank. But cutthroat tyrant is just one of many sides to "30 Rock's" Donaghy. His innate desire to mentor his subordinates, culling from his vast and impressive life and professional experience, shows a true caring heart, especially for a die-hard conservative. When it comes to helping employees solve their problems, Donaghy really gets down in the mud in them, all the while keeping his collar impeccably white. (Photo credit: NBC/Photofest)

Buddy Ackerman, "Swimming with Sharks"
worst movie bosses, buddy ackerman
Despite his name, Buddy Ackerman is no one's friend. Before he too played a "Horrible Boss," Kevin Spacey played a horrible boss in the movie studio set "Swimming with Sharks." Tantrums, threats, insults, and thrown objects are always on the day's agenda for his beleaguered assistant until, like our previous movie - which followed almost two decades later - the underling seeks revenge. An only-in-the-movies twist follows this industry-skewering black comedy, giving its Hollywood tale an unpredictable and unsettling un-Hollywood ending. (Photo credit: Trimark/Photofest)

Louie De Palma, "Taxi"
best tv bosses, louis de palma
Considering his explosive temper, vindictiveness, and crass behavior, it's no wonder Louie De Palma is kept in a cage. Yet as the dispatcher for "Taxi's" Sunshine Cab Company, the dark clouds he hilariously brings to his cabbies' professional and somehow private lives extend beyond the confines of his chain link booth. A supervisor of very small stature, he might have out-villained the Wicked Witch of the East in Munchkinland had she not already succumbed to a freefalling house. Louie wears his disdain and disrespect for his employees right on his sleeve, which juts out from the vest of his cheap suit. However, there is a soft spot there somewhere in that spot of a man and he is no doubt a welcome part of "Taxi's" work family, as unwelcoming as he tends to be. (Photo credit: ABC/Photofest)

Franklin Hart, Jr., "9 to 5"
worst movie bosses, franklin hart, jr.
In movies, sexist, egotistical, lying hypocritical bigots go very far. The '80s best example is Franklin Hart, Jr. in "9 to 5," another boss on this list, but not the last, to incite revenge from his subordinates. His treatment of the women at his company - whether it be passing them up for deserved promotions, finding ways to peer down their blouses, firing them for minor infractions - brings them to fantasizing about his demise. But after some comic circumstances, those fantasies unexpectedly morph into reality, leading him to be shot at, hog tied, and imprisoned in his own home - a fair comeuppance indeed. (Photo credit: Virginmedia)

Michael Scott, "The Office"
best tv bosses, michael scott
They say you can't trust a man with two first names. Whether you can trust Michael Scott or not is a conundrum. When it comes to loyalty, nobody beats him. He would likely take a bullet for you, albeit probably in the order of how good-looking you were (except for Toby, who would likely just get shot). Yet when it comes to keeping you on a professional track, or even safe at work, that's not his strong suit. But even though the supreme leader of "The Office's" office may be childish, jealous, insecure, harebrained, inappropriate, attention-starved, tactless, tasteless, and mostly incompetent, he can sell paper like nobody else and doggedly tries to make all his of coworkers his friend (except, again, for Toby). Would we actually admit that his World's Best Boss coffee mug is well-deserved? That might be hard. (That's what she said.) (Photo credit: NBC/Photofest)

Bill Lumbergh, "Office Space"
worst movie bosses, bill lumbergh
The Picasso of passive-aggressiveness, Bill Lumbergh doesn't need to resort to anger or confrontation to make his subordinates miserable. The sound of his voice alone is like nails on a chalkboard. A major practitioner of micromanagement, this "Office Space" Division Vice President can make any cubicle seem like a prison with his frequent monotonal demands for the completion of unreasonably deadlined tasks. His suspenders alone can crush your soul. The only thing his supervision motivates is his employees' desire for revenge. Be it subtle embezzlement or fiery explosions. There is, in fact, one thing Bill Lumbergh excels at - making the word "great" sound so god-awful. (Photo credit: 20th Century Fox/Photofest)

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.


Follow @robfee on Twitter.

More hilarious tweets can be found right here.

 

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We'd Like to Take a Ride With Mercedes Terrell

Timeline of a Las Vegas Trip

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Whether you are going to Las Vegas for the first time or the tenth, the basic chain of events on the Strip is usually the same. There's drinking, gambling, cheering, smoking and other shenanigans everywhere. The bright lights and electric atmosphere give you an adrenaline rush unlike anywhere else. You are so excited to be there, and yet so relieved to leave once your time is up. For those who have been and those planning to go soon, here is a typical timeline of a Vegas trip.

las vegas timeline, timeline of going to vegas, timeline of a vegas trip
Design by Chris Kim

 

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Watch This Australian Open Ball Boy Take a Tennis Serve to the Nuts

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You would think that Roger Federer's third-round exit - his earliest since 2000 - would have been the craziest thing to come out of yesterday's Australian Open action.

But the fact that this poor ball boy obeyed the tournament rules bestowed upon him and coworkers and didn't move even as a 121-MPH serve was swiftly making its way toward his giblets was perhaps the most amazing form of obedience we have ever seen.


While at first it looks as though the poor bastard was going to be able to shake it off and tough it out for the rest of the match, he sadly succumbed to the pain shortly thereafter, dropped to a knee and was replaced by another lad who probably wasn't too thrilled with his new assignment.

We have no idea when this poor guy is celebrating his next birthday, but if you're looking to get him a gift other than a year's supply of ice packs, a book about adoption being just as honorable as creating your own kid might be the way to go.

As long as you're not that ball boy or any of these guys, nut shots are hysterical: 23 Funny Nut Shot GIFs

 

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Man Swimming With Whales Photographs Massive Poop

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The sperm whale is considered by most to be the seventh-largest mammal on the planet, so when one of them has to take a dump, you would have to think it would be quite the spectacle -- albeit a disgusting one.

According to UPI, a Canadian photographer recently had to live through just that while he was swimming with several sperm whales off the coast of Dominica, and luckily for all of us, he let the camera roll.

massive whale poop-splosion
massive whale poop-splosion
Keri Wilk said he and his crew found themselves at "ground zero of the most epic bowel movement" he had ever seen, and by the looks of things, we'd say that is probably the best way to sum it up.

Wilk referred to the incident as a "poop-splosion" that measured over 100 feet in diameter because the whale was spinning around them. Once the whale was finished with his massive "poop ball," Wilk said it swam away from them faster than he had ever seen a whale move.

In a related story, I'll pass on lunch today.

So, exactly how much broccoli did this whale eat? Foods That Make You Poop

 

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Blake Griffin Pulled a Trainer's Head Down Toward His Crotch

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The Los Angeles Clippers beat the snot out of the Brooklyn Nets last night by 39 points, so it was pretty much all smiles for everybody associated with the Clips. At one point in the third quarter, Los Angeles was up by as many as 45 points, so head coach Doc Rivers decided to sit many of his starters for the remainder of the game.

With just over ten minutes left to go, TNT's cameras picked up several of the Clippers players yucking it up and horsing around, and why not? After all, they were in the midst of a blowout of a team that would qualify for the playoffs if the season ended today.

And speaking of "blow," Blake Griffin was having so much fun that he pulled a trainer's head toward his crotch, and of course, TNT's cameras picked that up as well:


Let's be honest: That was pretty funny. What wasn't funny was how bad Griffin probably smelled at the time after running up and down the court for 30 minutes. That poor trainer.

We're pretty sure this referee would have rather had his head pulled into Griffin's crotch as a joke than take a Carlos Boozer fist to his stones for real: Watch Carlos Boozer Punch a Ref in the Crotch Over and Over Again

 

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New Jersey High School Student Slams Teacher to the Floor for Taking Away His Cellphone

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Look how much fun it is to teach mass vs. weight to high school kids in New Jersey these days.

According to the New York Daily News, a freshman at John F. Kennedy High School in Paterson is in big trouble after a classmate recorded him slamming his 62-year-old physics teacher to the floor last week because the teacher allegedly confiscated his cellphone from another student who was using it.


It looks as though the kid eventually got his phone back, but not before he lifted the teacher to the front of the room, threw him to the ground, smacked him around a bit and yelled, "Give me my f**king phone back."

The 16-year-old student was arrested and charged with assault following the incident. Now we could be wrong, but given the fact that he was 16, still a freshman and having trouble grasping the basic concept of a trustworthy student-teacher relationship, we think it's safe to say physics was a bitch for this kid.

Here's a teacher who took away her student's clothes at a Waffle House and the result was much different: Former Math Teacher Allegedly Had Sex With Her Student at a Waffle House

 

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New Hampshire Woman Orders Chicken Sandwich at Burger King, Gets Bag of Cash Instead

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No word if it tasted any different.

According to Gawker, a Rochester woman who went through the drive thru of a local Burger King on Friday was shocked when her Spicy Crispy Chicken Jr. sandwich turned out to be $2,631 instead.

New Hampshire woman gets bag of cash from Burger King
Janelle Jones said she discovered the bag was filled with two bank deposit bags of cash and a loose $100 bill instead of a tasty chicken sandwich while she was driving home. She decided to call her husband Matthew, who told her to bring it to the house "so they could return the money together."

Matthew said he and his wife briefly thought about keeping the money but decided to return it because of their faith. As a Jehovah's Witness, he said that "Jehovah sees everything."

The couple returned the bag of money about an hour later much to the delight of the store employees, especially the one who said she was going to get fired. In return for their good deed, the store gave the couple five free meals and a corporate "thank you."

So, it sounds like they should have kept it.

This guy loved Burger King so much that he was buried with it: The 10 Weirdest Items People Were Buried With

 

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Watch This Crazy Hockey Dad Shatter the Glass at His Daughter's Game

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The cost of replacing one sheet of safety glass at York City Ice Arena is apparently $500.

One Florida man found that out the hard way when he traveled to Pennsylvania for his daughter's hockey game and left with a bloody hand, broken wedding ring and the bill for the glass he shattered when he thought a call during the game was "bull shit."


Way to go, Paul.

We kind of get where Paul is coming from, though, as shattering the glass at your daughter's hockey game isn't nearly as much of a "bull shit" move as attempting to kick a girl while you're wearing ice skates.

Still, his actions in front of kids were almost as embarrassing as owning a Goo Goo Dolls album.

​If you think your dad shattering glass at an ice rink is humiliating, check out these winners: Embarrassing Dads Are Always Hilarious Unless It's Your Dad

 

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Emily Bett Rickards is Cause for Celebration

Today's Funny Photos

Here's Evidence That Body Painting Can Be an Awful Idea

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Historically, we've been treated to some of the most impressive body paintings since the days of Rebecca Romijn in Sports Illustrated, but body painting actually dates back to the earliest days of man. Based on imperial evidence, however, we have found body painting may, in fact, be an awful idea. Here are some of our findings to support this theory.

funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea
funny body paint, body paint bad idea

 

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The 10 Most Brutal Ways to Get Dumped

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When you break up with someone, it's usually considered polite to try to minimize the level of suffering. But that doesn't always happen, and ordinary breakups can get transformed into something truly awful. Open your hearts to these poor schmucks who got dumped in the most brutal ways possible.

Dumped By Two Girls at Once

Okay, for this one the dude definitely had it coming, but that doesn't make his public humiliation any less intense. In July 2014, drivers on the A1 freeway in England in between Newcastle and Gateshead were greeted by an immense full-color banner hanging from an overpass that read, "Steve Frazier, you're dumped by both your girlfriends." Apparently the two women had met by chance and realized they were both being played by the same dude, leading them to their hilarious roadway rebuttal. (Photo credit: Chronicle)

Dumped on the Radio

If you need a reason to dump someone, cheating is pretty solid. But there's always time to get a little revenge, as this clip shows. In 2010, a man named Chris called into the morning show on Cleveland's 105.7 FM with a proposition. He'd been dating a girl named Ashley for five years and just found out she'd been unfaithful, so he wanted to dump her on the air. The hosts lined her up and had her convinced that Chris was going to propose, only for him to drop the bomb in a spectacularly brutal fashion. (Photo credit: allaccess)

Dumped at the Wedding

This list wouldn't be complete without one or two good old-fashioned dumpings during a wedding, but this one takes the cake. When it was time for Serbian groom Veselin Lovric to bind himself in holy matrimony to Andjela Niklovic, he instead ran from the church in panic to get back together with an ex-girlfriend, in front of 150 horrified witnesses. At first, they thought he had just gone to get a little air, but after an hour or so of waiting they realized he wasn't coming back. The bride's family is suing him for the cost of the wedding, a little under $30,000. (Photo credit: Byron via Flickr CC)

Dumped By Bizarre Text
funny breakup text, six reasons for breakup
It's fair to say that breaking up with somebody by text message is the ultimate in passive-aggressive wankery, but this is above and beyond. In 2014, Australian woman Amy Nelmes shared an absolutely insane message forwarded by a friend who had been dating a guy for a paltry seven weeks. The text contained six reasons for the breakup, ranging from the understandable - "you won't update your relationship status on Facebook," to the bizarre - "you are rude to my cat and that makes me feel uncomfortable." Probably for the best that this one didn't work out. (Photo credit: Imgur)

Dumped at a Whorehouse

It's typically secrets and lies that lead to the dissolution of a relationship, so when a Polish man walked into a house of ill repute in 2008 looking for a little fun on the side, he was shocked to discover that one of the ladies working there was his own wife. The woman had told her clueless hubby that she was making extra cash working in a convenience store, but when he discovered her actual profession was the world's oldest, he of equal guilt split up with her on the spot. (Photo credit: Reuters)

Dumped at a Cliff Jump

This is painful just because of the circumstances around it, but if you watch the video you'll probably agree that the girl was justified. When a group of viral filmmakers gathered at a 400-foot deep canyon in Utah to film themselves swinging out over it, couple Creighton Bard and Jessica Powell began to argue over Powell's unwillingness to take the swing. Fed up, Bard pushed her out over the expanse, and as she fell she yelled "I'm breaking up with you!" Although she may have been partially joking, the duo did split up just a few days after the event. (Photo credit: Youtube)

Dumped Via Porn Video

Finding out that your partner is cheating is usually the absolute worst way to end a relationship, but this story from Taiwan racks that awkwardness up a dozen notches. In 2002, a carpenter named Lee purchased an adult DVD titled "Affairs With Others' Wives" at a night market and took it home to watch. Unfortunately, the "other's wife" in question was amazingly his own. The footage had been taken with hidden cameras and revealed his spouse doing the nasty with the town's butcher. Needless to say, Lee filed for divorce and the butcher fled town at top speed. (Photo credit: Joyce Li via Flickr CC)

Dumped at the Wedding Reception

We've all seen the movies where the bride gets cold feet at the altar, but it takes a special kind of cruelty to break up with someone at the wedding reception. But when British bride Jacky Ingham finished her first dance with new husband Loui Aberico, she realized that she really didn't want to spend eternity with the poor sod. Just hours later, she was speeding off in a car with her ex, William Torrence, who showed up to the reception in a T-shirt and track pants. Ingham announced to family that she'd be annulling the marriage immediately. (Photo credit: Brownstone Gardens via Flickr CC)

Dumped Because of Small Penis, Which He Then Cut Off

We feel sorry for dudes who aren't packing much in the sausage department. No matter what all of those banner ads might tell you, there's no real way to make your equipment bigger. So when Macedonian man Oliver Ilic got kicked to the curb in 2014 and his girlfriend told him it was due to his lack of fireworks in the bedroom, what followed was understandable, yet gruesome. Distraught at his wreck of a pecker, Ilic cut it off with a single pass of a razor blade and threw it in the trash. Amazingly, medical professionals were able to sew it back on. (Photo credit: Alex Saurel via Flickr CC)

Dumped in the Airport Toilet

Most of the dumpings on this list had a pretty decent reason behind them, but this one is just bizarre. A newly-married couple was flying back to their home in Saudi Arabia after a week-long honeymoon in Malaysia. Unfortunately for the unnamed woman, she spent too much time in the bathroom for her husband's liking, and when she came out he was gone. He'd decided to not wait for his wife and flown back home without her. Needless to say, their marriage didn't last too much longer, especially considering she'd been the one to pay for the tickets. (Photo credit: Elviz Low via Flickr)

 

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