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Girl on Tinder Letting Everyone Know That She 'Just F**ked Edelman'

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Odds are she'll have a little trouble finding a match in Seattle anytime soon. No lie.

According to Deadspin, a girl on Tinder named Sabrina is suggesting that she had sex with Julian Edelman and is using it as an icebreaker for all of her future matches to see. She even has an after pic with Edelman out cold on her bed to somewhat legitimize her claim:

no lie julian edelman tinder
Taking a picture next to a passed out guy doesn't necessarily mean that a hump sesh took place. I mean, Sabrina could be the maid at Edelman's hotel, she could have been Edelman's Uber driver who asked if she could come upstairs to use the can and she was in there for so long that he passed out, or she could be really good with Photoshop. Who knows?

The point is that only Edelman and Sabrina know what went down for sure. But here's one thing that is for certain: You'll want to use protection if you're sleeping with either of these two.

There are much more genius ways to get laid using Tinder. Take this guy, for example: Seattle Man Has His Exes Write Reviews for His Tinder Profile, and It's Working

 

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18 Siblings Who Need to Be Stopped

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Having a brother or a sister is a magical experience that results in a lifelong bond. Then again, if your experience was anything like mine, I'm also guessing it resulted in a fair amount of pain and suffering when you were younger. Especially if your siblings were older than you. This collection of clips is proof that just because you are related, doesn't mean you won't occasionally get punched, kicked, scratched, blinded, tackled or even run over with a toy car. Ah, memories...

 

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Guys Prank Their Buddy By Putting a Dildo in His Bag at the Airport

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We're assuming going to church isn't on the list of things to do at this guy's stag party.

A group of guys in Budapest kicked off their friend's bachelor party in spectacular fashion when they slipped a dildo into his carry-on bag without him knowing. Of course, they did it before going through security at Ferenc Liszt International Airport, and that is where their video begins.


So we now know one of two things is true: Either one of these guys' girlfriends is super pissed after seeing that, or somebody had to make an embarrassing trip to porn shop last week.

Speaking of hysterical, wait until you read the review for this chin strap dildo: Here's the Weirdest Sex Toy Review You Will Ever Read (We Hope)

 

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Liane V is a Vine Superstar Vixen

Today's Funny Photos

10 Cases That Prove The Internet Wants To See What It's Not Supposed To

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The only reliable way to make sure everybody on the Internet sees something is to have your lawyer demand that nobody on the Internet be allowed to see something. It's called the "Streisand Effect" (you'll soon see why) and it's been the bane of publicists since 2003. Read on to see things that lawyers don't want you to see, although be advised that our lawyers don't want you to see this post and/or share it a billion times on social media.

Barbra Streisand's Ridiculously Giant House
Streisand house
Photographer Kenneth Adelman took thousands of pictures of the California coastline to document erosion, then made them public as part of the California Coastal Records Project. Image 3850, which happened to feature a certain singer's Malibu mansion, had only been downloaded six times before Babs' lawyers sued for violation of privacy (and two of those downloads were by her lawyers to use in the case). After the $50 million lawsuit, Adelman's website was being hit up by over 420,000 visitors each month, all of them determined to look at a fancy house that the law didn't want them to see.

Beyoncé's Super Unflattering Super Bowl
Beyonce super bowl meme
Beyoncé's Super Bowl XLVII halftime show was critically acclaimed by the sort of people who actually watch halftime shows instead of getting more seven-layer dip. One unforeseen snag: because dancing is strenuous, and cameras were everywhere, a handful of the pictures taken of the performance did not meet Queen Bey's standards and her publicist was dispatched to media outlets to ask that nobody show them to millions of people. Displaying great courage in the face of a PR flack's email, journalists paraded the seven pictures around until they got bored. As a result, Beyoncé banned press photographers from her events, relying on her own camera corps. The original seven pictures still circulate on image boards everywhere.


Union Street Guest House's Yelp Backfire
Union Street Guest House
How do you deal with bad PR in an age where any schmuck can leave an online review of your business that just says 1/5 STARS POOP DICK LOL? Not the way the Union Street Guest House did. The fine print on their website indicated that for every negative review posted by renters or their guests, a whopping $500 would be taken out of the renters' deposit. After the policy was discovered and publicized, Union Street Guest House found itself with 15 pages of one-star Yelp reviews, numerous editorials and articles claiming the policy was an attack on free speech, and a Facebook fan page so full of negativity, profanity, and POOP DICK LOL that it was taken down.

Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise Scientology Video
Scientology's tactic of relying on celebrity star power to attract new converts has one obvious flaw: all of their celebrities are crazy as hell. Witness Tom Cruise in a leaked video from 2008 claiming that only Scientologists can reform criminals, end drug addiction, and rescue people from car accidents, a performance so laughably weird that Scientology mobilized every lawyer it had to get it pulled down. The church is very good at frivolous litigation, so YouTube folded quickly, but other sites like the Gawker network held fast. Scientology pitched such a legal fit that the anarchic meme-and-hentai maelstrom known as 4chan developed Project Chanology, a subset of Anonymous dedicated to foiling Scientologist evangelicalism and legal harassment.

Neverseconds Calls Out Sh**ty Lunches

Remember how awful school lunches were? Thanks to the blog NeverSeconds, the awfulness of one Scottish schoolgirl's lunches will be remembered by the entire Internet. Launched as a writing project by nine-year-old Martha Payne and her dad, the blog tracked the price, quality, healthiness, and amount of hair (thankfully none) in each meal. NeverSeconds proved a surprising hit among those interested in school lunches, like celebrity chef and shit-talker Jamie Oliver.

The blog had hit 3 million views and raised £2000 for Malawi food relief when the local council decided that the photos were bad PR and prohibited Martha from taking pictures. A group of bureaucrats preventing an adorable little girl from reporting on food and raising money for starving children went over about as well as you'd expect, and NeverSeconds blew up overnight, raising £40,000 for Martha's charity and drowning the council in angry tweets, emails, and phone calls. NeverSeconds soon resumed reporting and ended up donating £140,000 to the Mary's Meals organization.

The Motion Picture Association of America's Major Mistake

The Advanced Access Content System is the official encryption standard used by the Motion Picture Association of America to ensure that in order to watch masterpieces like "Ouija" at home, you have to buy a disc and sit through five unskippable trailers and anti-piracy ads before actually seeing the movie. Unfortunately for the MPAA, all that's needed for clever programmers to create decoding software is a "key" of letters and numbers available on any number of tech websites. When the AACS Licensing Administrator started issuing gag orders and copyright violations, resourceful hackers started proliferating the key in any number of ways: color codes, frequencies, t-shirts, tattoos, and in one 800,000-view YouTube video, a song.

TRAFIGURA

English law concerning both libel and the freedom of the press is much different from America's, as it is based not on Enlightenment-era legal philosophy but on ancient poems about sheep. This meant oil company Trafigura could file a "super-injunction" that didn't just prevent the Guardian newspaper from reporting on a toxic waste spill that hospitalized thousands of people in the Ivory Coast, but prevented them from reporting they'd been legally prevented from reporting on it.

A helpful Labour MP sidestepped the injunction by asking about it and the waste spill in Parliament, allowing the Guardian to report that they had been barred from reporting about being barred from reporting about something having to do with the waste spill by someone who was connected to it. The British Internet soon filled in the blanks, and soon so much of the information about Trafigura was common knowledge that the super-injunction was deemed useless and the Guardian's report allowed to be published.

McDonald's is McLibel

Back when the Internet was just a bunch of universities with modems, McDonald's encountered an early version of the Streisand Effect in 1986, when it came down harder than a still-frozen McNugget on London Greenpeace for a derogatory pamphlet McD claimed was libelous. To show these limey upstarts who was boss, McDonalds spent millions of pounds and ten years in court (the longest-running case in English history) and still didn't completely win. The company was only able to show that some of the claims made by the pamphleteers were demonstrably false.

McDonald's even attempted to settle out of court with a charitable donation on the condition that defendants Helen Steel and David Morris never publicly criticize the company again, restricting their criticisms privately to friends. Steel and Morris secretly recorded the meeting and then stated they'd agree if McDonald's ceased advertising and only recommended their food to friends. Mickey D's ended up not even collecting the amount awarded to them at the end of the case, hoping the bad PR would just go away on its own. Today, the McLibel story is a feature-length documentary

Glenn Beck's Potentially Shady Past

Love him or hate him, there's one thing you can say about Glenn Beck: he has never denied raping and murdering a young girl in 1990. Posing the question as to what (possibly rapine and murderous) activities Glenn Beck was up to in 1990 was an Internet way of mocking Beck's rhetoric, and eventually the phrase became the website GlennBeckRapedAndMurderedAYoungGirlIn1990.com (now defunct). Beck's lawyers hit the site threatening a defamation lawsuit.

When the site stood its ground, they contacted the World Intellectual Property Organization to make the bizarre claim that Glenn Beck's name was copyrighted. All of this just caused more and more people to wonder aloud whether Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, since now he seemed to be using the law to prevent people from investigating the issue. For a brief time, the first terms Google suggested after "Glenn Beck" were "rape" and "murder," but it seems like it's died down by now, leaving the question still unanswered.

The Interview's Overdramatic Debut
the interview james franco seth rogen
Let's be real: was anyone even the slightest bit interested in this movie before Dear Leader allegedly decided we shouldn't be allowed to see it? Before the massive Sony hack, "The Interview" was all set to become yet another in a long series of Sony-produced flops, and what little publicity Sony had bothered to issue for it was soon overshadowed by those curious about a movie that apparently prompted an international cybersecurity showdown.

Then, when Sony cancelled the national release, everyone blew up: not being able to see Seth Rogen and James Franco dick around for ninety minutes was an assault on American freedom! Dozens of sites pledged to stream the film with or without Sony's permission, and Sony finally relented to officially streaming the film on Netflix and releasing in arthouse theaters Christmas Day. Ironically, many security experts now believe the hack wasn't by North Koreans at all, but by disgruntled IT staff at Sony, or possibly a desperate James Franco hoping against hope to find a way to stop appearing in completely crap movies.

 

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Alexandria Morgan Models and Mankind Wins

Is Taking an Uber All the Time Cheaper Than Owning a Car?

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In the past two years, Uber has been cutting the fat on their UberX service to focus on their price point alone. Factoring in AAA's 2014 Driving Cost Study, we compare the cost to own, upkeep, insure and fuel a sedan car, along with its inevitable depreciation, to the cost of using Uber for all transportation needs as an average American. Keep in mind that more than three quarters (76%, WSJ.com) of American workers commute alone to work in their car, and car loan payments were at an all-time high in 2014. Now, let's see if it's cheaper being a backseat driver than owning your own car on a yearly basis.

OWNING
buying a car, young man buying car

CAR PAYMENT: Average Sedan Payment: $355/month + $976 Interest = $5,236/year
According to Business Insider, the average car payment includes $355 per month, along with $976 annually in interest, totaling average payments of $5,236 per year.

MILEAGE: Average Miles Driven Each Year: 16,550 miles for men, 10,142 miles for women, average = 13,476 (Source: US Dept of Transportation)
Since the gap between men and women's driving is so large, we decided to take the average - 13,476 miles - for most of our calculations.

GAS: Average Cost of Gas/Gas Mileage: 13 cents/mile
Men (16,550 x .13 = 2,151.50), Women (10,142 x .13 = 1,318.46), Average (13,476 x .13 = $1,751.88)
Using the cost of 13 cents per gallon in 2014, we conclude gas will annually cost an average of $1,752.

MAINTENANCE: Average Maintenance: 5 cents/mile
This includes oil changes, small repairs, tire rotation, replacing parts, fluids (washer, radiator, anti-freeze).
M (16,550 x .05 = 827.50) W (10,142 x .05 = 507.10) Average (13,476 x .05 = $673.80)
The average cost of routine maintenance and labor is 5 cents per mile times the average mileage, which comes out to $674 per year.

TIRES: Average Cost of Tires: .97 cents/mile
M (16,550 x .0097 = 160.54) W (10,142 x .0097 = 98.38) Average (13,476 x .0097 = $130.72)
Tires are bought every four to five years on average, based on an average 45k per set of tires. At the average rate of 13,476 miles, four years is right on schedule, and at .097 cents per mile, that breaks down to $131 per year for tires.

INSURANCE: Average Insurance Plan: $1,023/yr
Plans vary based on how much you drive, driving record, where you live and the car you own, but the average insurance, according to AAA, is $1,023 per year.

TOTAL COST: $8,816 + Annual Depreciation (AAA estimated $8,876 in 11/2014)
Obviously our math is better so we'll be going with $8,816 per year to own and operate a new sedan in an average city, driving as much as the average person. However, this does not include the price of other small operating costs, such as parking and registration fees, which we'll address below.
--------------------------------------
UBERING (UberX)
uber, calling an uber
Average Miles Each Year: Men = 16,550 miles, W = 10,142 miles, Average = 13,476 miles

UBER'S FARE: $1.70 base fare + .20/min +/or .90/mile (Uber)
Average trips per week: 15

TOTAL AVERAGE COST TO RIDE: $17,095
Nerd Wallet estimated (based on 15 trips per week) in a average city (Chicago) = $17,095
It's much more expensive to ride with Uber for a full year than owning if you drive as much as the average person. But, consider the following pros and cons of full-time Ubering.

Pros for Uber:
*Average Depreciation of Cars: $3,510/yr (cars depreciate 25% once driven off the lot)
*Liability in an Accident (for your car as well as another car if you're at fault)
*Cars have the potential for large repairs and complete breakdowns
*No tips necessary with Uber
*No operating costs (small ones, which add up to a lot): Parking spaces, parking tickets, traffic violations, traffic school, towing fees, smog checks, renewal fees, license plates, taxes and title.

Cons for Uber:
*Spontaneous travel and long road trips are less convenient and costly
*Anyone under the age of 18 must be accompanied by an adult (sorry soccer moms)
*Loss of freedom to go anywhere at anytime

Final Comparison of Owning vs. Ubering
Owning: $8,816 (plus annual depreciation plus minor operating costs)
Ubering: $17,095

VERDICT
NO, it is not cheaper to Uber than to own if you are the average driver in an average city.

With Uber, yes, all you have to pay is the fare, not a fee to insure, gas up or even clean up after yourself. You're not liable for accidents, repairs and the usual headaches of owning a car, and you may even get a free bottle of water. Also, certain cities have lower Uber rates (along with lower or no base fare) than others.

However, since this is all based in annual averages, you'd have to be traveling way less than the average person to make it more beneficial to Uber. Sure, making big payments to own a vehicle you barely drive is ridiculous, and multiple studies have shown that if you drive less than 10,000 miles each year it becomes more affordable to Uber, but not many people do.

So, if you have kids, an average or longer commute to work, or you drive during work or live in an area without a lot of Uber access, owning a car makes way more sense. But, for those who need to drive seldomly, work from home or live close to work, you could be Ubering your way into some savings. Then you can save up and buy something nice, you know, like a new car.

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

Hannah Davis Is The 2015 SI Swimsuit Issue Cover Girl

Crazy Comic Book Fan Cuts Off Nose To Look Like Marvel Supervillain Red Skull

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red skull marvel comics

Comic book fans typically express their love for their favorite characters in the form of cosplay, where dudes work all year on a cardboard Iron Man costume and wear it to Comic-Con to sweat even harder.

Henry Damon had a different idea.

The Caracas native wanted to take things a little farther, and through a series of increasingly disgusting plastic surgeries has transformed his appearance into a demented homage to Marvel arch-villain the Red Skull. (The below pic follows his transformation from normal human to comic book supervillain.)

red skull marvel

Since childhood, Damon has been obsessed with the Red Skull, and now he's finally taken the opportunity to make his obsession permanent. First he had a series of silicone implants placed into his forehead and brows, then his eyes tattooed a grisly black.

But it was the next step in his transformation that really put him over the edge. To fully capture the grisly features of the Red Skull, Damon had the cartilage and flesh of his nose removed, leaving his nostrils transformed into two vertical slits. He then covered most of his face with red and black tattoos to complete the effect.

red skull no nose

The man behind the changes is Emilio Gonzalez, a medical school dropout who shifted his focus to extreme body modification. He took an extensive survey of Damon's physiology to make sure that he could handle all of the changes to his face, but doesn't see anything wrong with his desire to emulate a famous fictional arch-villain.

red skull plastic surgery

This isn't the first time somebody's gone to the doctor to transform themselves into a comic book character. Herbert Chavez, a Filipino man, has undergone 19 surgeries over 16 years to look as much like Superman as any mortal can. Starting at the age of 21, the formerly acne-ridden Chavez has received hip implants, a chin cleft, three nose jobs, multiple steroid injections and skin whitening in his quest to be the Man of Steel.

And, you know, we get that. Superman is an inspiration to humanity. He's supposed to represent the best in us, so modeling your physical appearance after him, while a little "outside the box," still makes sense.

​Let's give you a little backstory on Henry Damon's favorite character. Born Johann Schmidt, the Red Skull has been bedeviling Captain America since March of 1941. During his late teens, Schmidt was working as a hotel bellhop when Hitler took an interest in him and decided to mold him into the "perfect National Socialist." As he rose through the ranks, he was given a fearsome red mask that made his head look like a crimson skull.

The Skull clashed with Cap and other heroes for decades, dying at least once. In the 1980s, he took a faceful of his trademark "dust of death" poison and, through the kind of irony that only happens in comic books, had his face disfigured to look pretty much exactly like his mask. Since then, he's committed a near-endless number of crimes against humanity, including mass murder.

So basically he's a murderous neo-Nazi who literally wants to kill the embodiment of freedom. He's a bad guy - one of the worst. And Damon is a guy with kids. How is he going to explain his appearance to them when they get older?

"You see, Daddy is really into an imaginary genocidal racist who is responsible for the deaths of thousands and once tried to transplant his consciousness into a fetus in the womb, oh, and he was Hitler's best friend."

Damon still has chin and cheek implants left to complete his look, which his surgeon hopes to do soon. We don't know if he has any plans to seize the Tesseract and bring on the Fourth Reich, but we hope not.

H/t CBR

 

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What Your Dumb Facial Hair Says About You

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dumb facial hair
Gone are the days of simply having facial hair. Now it has to be a reflection of your zany, wacky personality. If you're one of those guys that can't grow facial hair, consider yourself blessed. You know how annoying it is to have to shave every day in order to not look like you just swam over from Guantanamo Bay? Now obviously to you, your facial hair is the coolest thing ever, but what does your dumb facial hair actually speak to others? Here's a handy guide to help you out.

The Lip Rug
Sam Elliot, The Big Lebowski
Who Else Has It: Sam Elliott
What It Says About You: If you have this one and you work a job that involves moving large animals from one fenced in area to another, you're cool. Unfortunately, odds are that you run a blog where you critique hammocks and complain about the methods breweries use to harvest their barley. You think about dating, but if you did, who would be around to draw chalk art on the local coffee shop's menu board?

The Patchy Beard
patchy beard
Who Has It: 14-year-old guys desperately trying to grow a beard
What It Says About You: You're willing to commit to things that don't stand a chance of happening. Your beard is a perfect example of that. You don't even care that it looks like a pro wrestler from the '80s shaved his pubes and glued them to your face. It doesn't even bother you that your face looks like one of the mangy dogs in a Sarah McLachlan commercial. You're also very active on forums and have the respect of everyone in your guild.

The Soul Patch
billy ray cyrus
Who Has It: Almost every youth pastor
What It Says About You: You don't really trust banks, but dream catchers are another story. Approximately 30% of your wardrobe is made up of t-shirts you've won from competitive eating contests. You may or may not be wearing a necklace made of assorted shells or animal teeth at this very moment.

The Handlebar/Sideburns Combo
handlebar sideburns
Who Has It: The ghost of Civil War soldiers
What It Says About You: If you're not playing the part of a wounded general in a local Renaissance Fair, odds are you're popping on a sweet pair of Oakleys and educating the local Crotch Rocket enthusiasts on the daily advantages of the steampunk lifestyle. There's also a good chance you've appeared on the local news or an extended cable TV show as a knowledgeable guest on a bizarre topic like, "Blacklight Tattoo Expert" or "Velvet Aficionado."

The Pencil Thin Chin Strap & Goatee Combo
dick in a box
Who Has It: Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg in SNL Digital Shorts
What It Says About You: You've been asked to leave more than one Red Lobster because of behavior deemed "lewd" by more than one assistant manager. You're really great at flirting with girls via text, but it doesn't translate in person because most of your lines are followed by a nudge, a lifted eyebrow, and a visual point to your zipper. You're close with your mom, but mainly to try and hook up with some of her friends. You haven't, but you imply that you did on your Tumblr.

The Artistically Designed Precision Cut
Ludacris facial hair
Who Has It: Ludacris, for some reason
What It Says About You: You've run out of storage on your phone from taking too many selfies and debated if it would be better to delete some apps instead of a few of your pics. Someone jokingly tussled your hair in 2007 and you still haven't forgiven him. Actually, you think about it at least once every week. You take karaoke very seriously and if someone doesn't respect the stage, you have no problem staring them down. Unfortunately, you're still wearing your sunglasses so they have no idea you're looking at them, but you know and that's really all that matters.

The Wolverine
Wolverine facial hair
Who Has It: Uh, Wolverine
What It Says About You: You don't understand why "The Expendables" gets snubbed by the Oscars every year. If a shirt has sleeves, it's definitely not a shirt of yours. Your DVR is full of shows that use the word "torque" on a regular basis. If you could meet any person from history it would be a tie between the cast of "American Chopper" so you could shake his hand, or the guy from "Deadliest Catch" so you could fight him to settle a bar bet.

The Mustache That Just Don't Stop
Rollie Fingers mustache
Who Has It: Rollie Fingers
What It Says About You: You've had to walk away from an argument about Fleet Foxes because it was getting too heated. Right now there are at least six cans of PBR in your refrigerator, but you're saving them until the next episode of Portlandia comes on. Your idea of business casual is switching shoes from your beige Toms to your black Toms. You've sent back a meal because the waitress was just giving off negative energy.

The Monster Chops
Terry Richardson
Who Has It: Terry Richardson
What It Says About You: It takes at least 10 minutes for you to explain the meaning behind each of your tattoos. You have a Tinder page with a quote from a Wes Anderson movie in the bio and if a girl doesn't recognize it you already hate her. You've ruined more than one family dinner because you insist on explaining the problematic effects of consumerism every time your aunt mentions she bought dryer sheets from Wal-Mart. Last Thanksgiving you actually made her cry.

The Finger Stache
fingerstache girl, finger mustache
Who Has It: Every annoying girl on Instagram
What It Says About You: Your Facebook profile picture was, at some point, one of those "Keep Calm and..." custom graphics. You've stood up and clapped at the end of a movie on more than one occasion. If someone points out an obvious flaw you refer to them as a "hater" and quickly let them know that if they can't handle you at your worst then they certainly don't deserve you at your best. You prefer guy friends instead of girl friends because you think they're less drama. It's definitely not because they'll tolerate you longer in hopes of you making out with them. That's not it at all.

The Huge Bushy Beard
Cast Away, Tom Hanks
Who Has It: Tom Hanks 2/3 of the way through Cast Away
What It Says About You: You've yelled at strangers on the Internet because they didn't like the ending of an episode of "Battlestar Galactica." You've cancelled on anyone that's made plans with you for the last two years, but constantly complain that you're home on another Saturday night. Anyone that you see having fun in a public place is an idiot and you express this disdain by loudly exhaling and going to stand in the corner by yourself where you pretend to text, but you're really just pressing buttons on the calculator app. You also enjoy loudly pointing out inconsistencies in movies that were developed from comics or novels.

The Braided Goatee
Captain Lou Albano
Who Has It: Captain Lou Albano
What It Says About You: You're usually in the middle of the party, but it's just because everyone figures you have drugs in your pockets. You usually have drugs in your pockets. You usually suggest that girls should kiss at parties even if they're just walking around with each other. Most of your shirts have buttons, but they're not dress shirts because it's covered in either a floral print, a dog wearing sunglasses while flexing his muscles, or cartoon women in thongs playing beach volleyball. You're definitely wearing flip flops right now.

 

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Former Wall Street Intern Becomes Porn Star

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Veronica Vain recently gave up an internship on Wall Street to make six figures starring in a skin flick about it instead.

By the looks of things, she made the right choice.

According to Playboy, Vain, whose real name is Paige Jennings, has already started filming "Screwing Wall Street: The Arrangement Finders IPO," and the first pictures from the set are glorious.

Veronica Vain Wall Street porn
Veronica Vain Wall Street porn
Veronica Vain Wall Street porn
Veronica Vain Wall Street porn
Vain left her part-time internship at Lazard Asset Management after posting pictures of her "assets" online. The fact that she snapped those pics from the company crapper didn't sit too well with management, and we're assuming neither did the tweet she posted once she left.
While Vain's version of "Wall Street" might not reach the same level of critical acclaim the 1987 movie featuring Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen received, it's safe to say it will blow the sequel starring Shia LaBeauf out of the water, as that one was pure garbage.

Odds are most guys are going to check out Vain's fabulous rear end on Sundays: 25 Random Facts About the Porn Industry

 

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When You Meet Her Parents The 1st Time vs. When You Meet Them The 500th Time

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Let's be honest, you are not yourself the first time you meet her parents. It's all a giant act that eventually is exposed with each encounter. That's why there is a huge difference between how you act when you first meet her parents and how you act after you've met them 500 times already. Here is everything that changes.

when you meet her parents graphic

 

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Kendall Jenner Joins Sister Kim Kardashian in Posing Nude for LOVE Magazine

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love magazine kendall jenner topless, kendall jenner topless, kendall jenner photoshop
Earlier this week, yet another nude photo of Kim Kardashian was leaked online. The bare butt shot was from a photo shoot with LOVE magazine, and we've now found out that Kim was not the only member of her family to take some clothes off for them.

Above is a censored photo of Kim's younger sister Kendall Jenner posing topless while wearing some sort of creepy mask. If you want to see the full photo (and of course you do), keep scrolling down. Once you do, you will notice that Kendall seems to have gotten a pretty significant breast enlargement via Photoshop (unless this is the big unveiling of her new boob job).

But a half-naked Kendall is not the end of the story. If you keep scrolling down you will also see that Kim was not to be outdone, and supplied LOVE with another nude shot -- this time full frontal and all oiled up.

Here's Kendall Jenner's topless photo for LOVE Magazine:

love magazine kendall jenner topless, kendall jenner topless, kendall jenner photoshop

And here's Kim's oily, full frontal shot:

kim kardashian nude love magazine, kim kardashian nude

Nice work, ladies. We'll keep you posted if this story has any further developments.

And in case you missed it, here is Kim's nude leaked photo from earlier this week: Kim Kardashian Bare Butt Photo for LOVE Magazine

 

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Today's Funny Photos

The Miserable Imprisonment of Blanche Monnier

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When you're a teenager, living under the rules of your parents can seem like being in prison. But for Blanche Monnier, things got a little more literal. Let's dig out her unbelievable story.

In 1876, Blanche Monnier was a typical young woman of Paris society, but the time had come for her to find a suitor. She set upon a lawyer who lived nearby. Although he was a professional, he was also older than she, and not successful in his business. Her mother tried everything she could to stop what she saw as a doomed romance, but Blanche would not be swayed.

blanche monnier, blanche monnier story, blanche monnier imprisonment
And then? Blanche simply disappeared. Nobody in Paris saw hide nor hair of her, and the public believed she'd mysteriously vanished. Her mother and brother mourned her and went about their daily lives, all the while carrying with them an unspeakable secret.

Their scheme came to light in 1901, when the office of the attorney general of Paris received a mysterious, unsigned letter. The sheet led off with a chilling pair of sentences:

Monsieur Attorney General: I have the honor to inform you of an exceptionally serious occurrence. I speak of a spinster who is locked up in Madame Monnier's house, half starved, and living on a putrid litter for the past twenty-five years - in a word, in her own filth.

Police were shocked - Madame Monnier was a paragon of high society, from an aristocratic family, and the recipient of community awards. How could this be possible?

They were about to find out. A group of officers went to the house and, upon being denied entrance, forced the door open. They searched the premises and discovered a shocking sight. Upstairs, another locked door concealed a dark, foul-smelling room with its windows boarded up. When the police pried off the windows, they had quite a surprise. Cowering on the bed, covered in food and feces, was an emaciated Blanche Monnier. The woman had been kept prisoner for a quarter of a century, never once seeing the sunlight or another human outside of her family during that time.

blanche monnier, blanche monnier story, blanche monnier imprisonment
Blanche's physical state was abysmal - she was severely malnourished and weighed just 55 pounds. Police wrapped her in a blanket and rushed her to the hospital. The nurses who took care of her remarked on her surprisingly pleasant disposition. She enjoyed being washed up and commented on how nice it was to see the sun again for the first time in 25 years.

Madame Monnier was immediately arrested following the discovery of her daughter. When she was taken to prison, the stress caused her to suffer a heart attack, and she perished within the month. Before she died, police were able to coax a confession out of her, filling in the missing details of her daughter's life.

When Blanche refused to give up her romance with the lawyer (a romance some have suggested might have included a pregnancy, quite scandalous for the era), her mother shut her in the upstairs room until she changed her mind. But the lovestruck woman never did, refusing to renounce her beloved, and her mother didn't relent.

blanche monnier, blanche monnier story, blanche monnier imprisonment
For the next two and a half decades, Blanche only ate scraps from her mother's meals, delivered to her room by housemaids or her brother. Even after the lawyer passed away in 1885, Blanche's punishment continued. Food waste built up in her room, attracting rats that were her only companions.

Marcel, her brother, was put on trial for his part in Blanche's imprisonment. He was found guilty and sentenced to 15 months in prison, but appealed the fact that he never physically restricted his sister's movement. He also claimed that Blanche could have left at any time, but chose not to. Marcel won his appeal, to the horror of the crowd assembled in the courtroom, and walked free.

It's still unknown who wrote the anonymous letter that led to Blanche's rescue. One theory is that her own brother did it, knowing that his mother was in poor health and wanting Blanche to be freed before he became her sole jailer. Another is that one of the house staff blabbed to a boyfriend and he sent the letter.

Whatever the case, the remainder of Blanche Monnier's life wasn't pleasant. She was driven mad by her captivity and, unable to re-integrate with the world, was institutionalized. Monnier passed away in 1913 in a sanitarium in Bois.

blanche monnier, blanche monnier story, blanche monnier imprisonment

 

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10 Famous Historical Figures Who Married Family Members

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historical figures who married family, shelbyville manhattan

The term "kissing cousins" has been around for a long time, and while you might think it is rare, the truth is that more than ten percent of worldwide marriages are between first and second cousins. One of the main reasons for such a stat is the fact that while producing offspring with a cousin increases the risk of birth defects, the actual number is approximately a four percent risk. Compare that to a two percent risk in non-related couples. We're not saying that we condone the activity, we simply wanted to put things in perspective for readers who may find the following list of famous historical figures who married a first cousin (or worse) quite shocking indeed.

Charles Darwin
historical figures who married family, charles darwin
Of all people, you would assume renowned scientist and natural selection advocate #1 Charles Darwin would know better than to dip his pen in the family ink, so to speak. We know that's not actually the expression (thank god), but you get what we're saying. That's right, Darwin is first on our list for marrying first cousin Emma Wedgwood in 1839, whom he remained married to for more than 40 years. In that time, the couple had ten children together. We know that there were many more untreatable illnesses back then, but coupling that with what we know about inbreeding, it should come as no surprise that two of those children died in infancy, while another passed away at 10 years old.

Albert Einstein
historical figures who married family, albert einstein
The next time someone sarcastically calls you "Einstein" when you do something stupid, tell them you are offended by such a comment. When they ask why, you can drop a truth bomb on them concerning the scientist's well-documented record of getting down with family members. Okay, just one family member, but he was married to her for 17 years. Albert Einstein married Elsa Lowenthal in 1919, who then changed her name back to Einstein. That's right, we said BACK to Einstein (she had previously been married to Max Lowenthal). If that's not awkward enough for you, consider the fact that Lowenthal was not only Einstein's first cousin on his mother's side, but also his second cousin on his father's side. Fortunately, the two never produced any offspring together, but Lowenthal did have two daughters from her first marriage, which Einstein then raised as his own.

H.G. Wells
historical figures who married family, hg wells
Let's move away from scientists and onto science fiction writers. H.G Wells, famous for books such as "War of the Worlds," briefly married first cousin Isabel Mary Wells in 1891, but dumped her three years later after falling for one of his students, Amy Catherine "Jane" Robbins. There's an obvious joke here concerning gene splicing, "The Island of Doctor Moreau" and getting it on with your cousin, but we'll take the high road and just say that for a guy obsessed with time machines, Wells should have taken the future into consideration before bumping uglies with family. That's the high road, right?

Edgar Allan Poe
historical figures who married family, edgar allan poe
More like Edgar Allan "Oh hell no," am I right Springer fans? Marriage laws were certainly a lot looser back in the 1800s than they are now. Otherwise, how could you explain author and poet Edgar Allan Poe's marriage to his 13-year-old first cousin Virginia Clemm in 1835? Fortunately for weak stomachs everywhere, it is surmised by many historians that their relationship was more brother-sister than husband-wife, and that they may never have actually consummated the marriage. Still, what kind of sick weirdo weds someone so young, let alone in the same family tree. Oh, wait...

Jerry Lee Lewis
historical figures who married family, jerry lee lewis
We can't think of a more twisted transition than this one, but speaking of dudes who like to marry 13-year-old family members, we have the perfect solution for getting yourself blacklisted from the radio and shunned by your fan base. Just do what legendary rock 'n' roll musician Jerry Lee Lewis did and shack up with your first cousin, once removed (translated to daughter of a first cousin). Myra Gale Brown was Lewis' third wife at the time, which is pretty outstanding considering he was only 22 himself. That should put this lunatic's odd choices in perspective, especially since this was marriage three of seven and potentially counting. However, it still doesn't excuse having a wife who still believes in Santa Claus.

Saddam Hussein
historical figures who married family, saddam hussein
As long as we're on the subject of sick weirdos of the highest caliber, did you know that former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was still married to a first cousin at the time of his death by hanging in 2006? Well, you do now. Strangely enough, his marriage to Sajida Talfah isn't nearly as disturbing as Jerry Lee Lewis', as it was an arranged marriage set in motion when he was only 5 and she was 7. They wed in 1963 and lived happily ever after...along with Saddam's two other wives, as polygamy is legal as hell in Iraq.

Christopher Robin Milne
historical figures who married family, christopher robin milne
To put the shoe on the other foot for a second, innocent children don't stay innocent forever. Take the inspiration behind the now beloved Disney character Christopher Robin from the original Winnie the Pooh books for example, who would grow up to become a massive disappointment to his family. Now before anyone in a relationship with their cousin gets angry at that comment, we aren't actually ripping on him; we're simply stating the facts. After marrying his maternal uncle's daughter and first cousin Lesley de Selincourt, Milne was shunned by his parents. His mother in particular, who didn't get along with her brother Aubrey (Milne's now father-in-law), didn't speak to him for nearly 15 years before her death. A small price to pay for a little cousin-on-cousin lovin'...apparently.

Martin Van Buren
historical figures who married family, martin van buren
Say what you will about any of the U.S. presidents in your lifetime; they never married a cousin. That's more than we can say for ex-Prez Martin Van Buren, who married first cousin (once removed, but we already told you what that means) Hannah Hoes in 1807. Is it just us, or was the 19th century a magical time for cousin lovers everywhere? Anyways, the *shudder* couple went on to produce six children together during their 12-year marriage before Hoes died of tuberculosis at age 35. However, this was 18 years before Van Buren became president. Therefore, there has never been an incestuous couple residing in the White House as far as we know (unless you count fifth cousins, once removed Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt). The Van B Boys would be proud.

Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator
historical figures who married family, cleopatra
Finally, we've come to the truly hard-hitting stuff. The down and dirty, B.C. days stuff. We didn't want this list to consist of nothing but kissing cousins, so we decided to venture all the way back to the days of Ancient Egypt to dig up some real dirt. Known as the last Ancient Egyptian pharaoh, Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator's exotic conquests consisted of more than just hooking up with the likes of Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. Prior to this, she was wed to her brother Ptolemy XIII after the death of her father, which was customary at the time. Considering she'd eventually go to war with Ptolemy for the throne, who knows if this marriage was actually consummated. However, even if it wasn't, it has also been speculated that Cleopatra herself was the product of incest, with historians believing her mother may have been her father's sister.

Tutankhamun
historical figures who married family, king tutankhamun king tut
Staying with the Ancient Egyptian swing of things, our final entry on this list is none other than Tutankhamun, aka King Tut. It's well documented that marriage during these days was kept in the family among royalty in order to preserve the bloodline. In fact, many believe it was common practice in all classes at the time. Hence, along with King Tut being the son of Akhenaten and his unidentified sister-wife (was hoping to never have to write those words in my lifetime), he was said to have married his his own half-sister Ankhesenamun. And we thought Martin Van Buren's taste in women was hard to swallow.

 

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18 Notes Left By Passive Aggressive Professionals

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The greatest passive aggressive notes are usually found in offices, where contentious coworkers collide on a daily basis and can't help but express their frustrations in note form. But being passive aggressive is not limited to office life. The people below -- roommates, neighbors, significant others -- have all mastered the art, as well. See for yourself.

passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters
passive aggressive notes, funny passive aggressive notes, passive aggressive masters

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.


Follow @robfee on Twitter.



Even more hilarious tweets can be found right here.

 

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