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The Most Amusing Troll Quote Memes on the Internet

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Trolling, or the act of irritating the hell out of people on the Internet, is as fun or infuriating as whichever side of the fence you're on. While nothing especially new, troll quoting, or the act of attributing a famous line or phrase from a movie/TV show/historical figure/pop culture icon to an incorrect movie/TV show/historical figure/pop culture icon, is as funny now as it was when the original meme hit Reddit back in 2010 (pictured first below). Since then, a slew more have been created, becoming more irreverent as they've gone. We scouted some of the best we could find and put them all here in one handy gallery for your viewing pleasure.

troll quote memes,
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troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,
troll quote memes,

 

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The 10 Dumbest Reasons For Car Crashes

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When you get behind the wheel of a car, you're basically taking command of a massive hollow-point bullet on wheels, capable of accelerating to speeds of 100 miles per hour and wreaking havoc on whatever it hits. You'd think people would take it more seriously, but they don't. Here are ten people who smashed up their rides doing the stupidest things imaginable.

Pulling A Tooth

When you're a long-haul trucker and you've got a toothache, it can be hard to find a reputable dentist. But what one driver chose to do last month proves that you should leave that stuff to the professionals. The unnamed man was driving on I-20 outside of Tuscaloosa, Alabama when his loose tooth began to bug him, so he took both hands off of the wheel to get the leverage necessary to yank it out. Unsurprisingly, the tractor-trailer went out of control and careened off the road, driving into a ditch before being stopped by a tree. The driver showed police his tooth as proof of his bizarre story. (Photo credit: Kevin O'Mara via Flickr CC)

Posting on Facebook
happy pharrell post car crash, courtney ann sanford
Social media is a hell of a thing. It's so easy to get sucked into the virtual world of your friends scattered across the globe that you lose sight of the real world around you. That's what befell Courtney Ann Sanford one day in 2014. Police got the call about Sanford veering into oncoming traffic and smashing into a truck at 8:34 in the morning. When they investigated the incident, they discovered that at 8:33 Sanford had posted a Facebook status update about the Pharrell Williams song "Happy," and the distraction from her phone caused her to leave her lane, crash and sadly die. (Photo credit: My Fox 8)

Brushing Your Teeth
woman with toothbrush
Personal grooming should be kept to the bathroom, not behind the wheel of an automobile. So when New Zealand teacher Cherie Margaret Davis decided she needed to scrub out some of the alcohol from her mouth, setting the car on cruise control and getting her toothbrush out was probably not the best choice. Davis found her car veering to the left, so she swerved to the right with a little too much force and plowed into a pile of rocks. (Photo credit: Science Daily)

Having Sex

Getting your freak on in a car is a rite of passage for many American teenagers, but the first thing you learn is to park the damn thing first. Unfortunately for Luis Briones and his girlfriend, he must have missed class that day. In May 2013, Luis and his lady were driving through the streets of Albuquerque doing the nasty when he smashed into a divider, sending the woman through the windshield. Like a gentleman, Luis tried to drive away from the scene and leave his injured partner behind. A witness grabbed his keys, so he instead hid behind a cactus until cops found him. (Photo credit: Bernalillo County Detention Center)

Doing Karaoke

Cell phones have become one of the leading causes of accidents on the road, and while fairly benign things like texting cause most of them, some people really push the envelope. In May 2014, a video hit the Internet of a pair of Iranian girls filming themselves singing along to a Middle Eastern pop hit while driving. The girl behind the wheel took her eyes off the road for just long enough to crash the car, popping the airbags. Paramedics took them to the hospital, where the pair continued to take selfies. (Photo credit: YouTube)

Eating a Taco
britney spears eating taco, eating taco while driving
There are certain foods that are pretty safe to eat while driving, like sucking down a protein shake or downing a McGriddle on the way to work. But tacos? A driver outside of Sacramento learned the hard way that they're not a good idea. In 2012, a man driving in the small town of Antelope kicked off a multi-car pileup when he looked away from the road to clean some dropped taco crumbs off of his lap. He rammed into a pair of parked cars so hard that his vehicle flipped over onto its roof. Amazingly, he walked away unhurt. (Photo credit: Imgur)

Holding Your Breath

Obviously there are a lot of bad choices on this list, but this might be the worst. While driving through a tunnel in the outskirts of Portland, Daniel Calhon bet his friend that he could hold his breath longer than he could. Unfortunately for everybody, Calhon held it a little too long and lost consciousness, causing his Camry to drift across the divider and smash head-on into a Ford Explorer. Nobody was killed, but his friend riding shotgun was understandably pretty pissed off, even if he did win the bet. (Photo credit: Oregon State Police)

Being Overwhelmed By Trash

It's way too easy to mess up the inside of your car. Stuff just accumulates on the floor, in the cupholders, behind the seats, and before you know it you're piloting a garbage barge. But for some people, a messy car is a precursor to a nasty accident. In 2007, a woman named Ann Biglan was backing her Ford Focus out of a parking space when a number of old coffee cups rolled under her brake pedal. As she lost control, more trash cascaded out of her passenger seat and onto the floor, causing the car to hop a curb and smash into a concrete flowerpot in a gas station parking lot. (Photo credit: readerwalker via Flickr CC)

Shaving Your Crotch

This next one comes from the wild streets of Florida, where bad ideas are a dime a dozen. In 2010, a bleach-blonde Florida thirtysomething named Megan Barnes was speeding down the Overseas Highway on her way to see her boyfriend. However, she noticed that her pubic region was a little overgrown, so Barnes pulled out a disposable razor to trim her bush and asked her ex-husband, riding in the passenger seat, to take the wheel. That's trashy, even for Florida. The pair smashed into the back of a SUV and attempted to flee the scene, only for cops to pick them up and reconstruct the bizarre crime. (Photo credit: Florida Police Department)

Watching Porn

Oh, come on. If you really feel the need to pleasure yourself on the open road, pull over and put your hazard lights on. In June 2014, a British truck driver named Ian Glover was speeding down the motorway watching a little bit of smut on his cell phone when he lost control of his vehicle. The massive truck crashed through a safety barrier and into a vacationing couple, killing the woman instantly. Glover played dumb, but a police pull of his phone records revealed multiple visits to porn sites while he was on the road. (Photo credit: Atomic Hot links via Flickr CC)

 

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High-Speed Car Chase Ends With Civilians Beating Down Robber

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Who needs the cops when you have pissed off parents in a freshly totaled minivan?

Police in Dallas, TX were in hot pursuit of a robbery suspect yesterday when he suddenly smashed into a car waiting at a red light. Not content to let law enforcement handle things, the couple in the totaled minivan jumped out of their car and proceeded to beat the living crap out of the guy until the cops showed up. The only concern here is that the couples' poor kid was clearly a little dazed and confused after the accident, but they got right back to their little guy after the cops got a hold of the pummeled offending driver.

H/t The Concourse

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

The Greatest Quotes From Your Favorite 'Simpsons' Characters

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"The Simpsons" is without a doubt the most quotable show on television. While we've hammered that point home before, our previous list of The 100 Greatest Quotes from 'The Simpsons' failed to address just how impressive a roster the show boasts, along with how each character brings their own brand of funny to the table. While the great characters extend into the hundreds, to where it's nearly impossible to cover them all, we did our best to capture the essence of Springfield's key players with this list of each of their best one-liners. We'll let them take it from here. (Note: Popular catchphrases were excluded to make it more fun.)

the simpsons greatest quotes, the simpsons best quotes every character

 

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If You Like Any Of These Movies, You Are A Total Asshole

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It has become more and more apparent to me that a lot of people out there have horrible taste in movies. There have been way too many times when I was excited to see a movie that everyone was raving about, only to be completely let down. And I mean completely, as in my mind is blown by just how bad it actually is.

A few things to keep in mind when you're reading this:
  1. My opinion is the only one that matters and yours are all irrelevant.
  2. All of the people involved in the making of these films should take this to heart because I am living the dream as an editor for a men's humor site, while they have to spend their miserable lives being famous and making movies for millions of dollars.
  3. I kept obviously horrible movies off this list (sorry, angry "Grown Ups" fans), sequels included. These are all just movies that I've heard too many people rave about and that needed to be brought down a notch, thus making me feel better about myself.
So here I am. To save you all from yourselves and let you know that you are all a bunch of assholes for liking the following films.

Boyhood

Why it sucks: I have to start with this one because you people won't shut up about it and it's pretty much why I decided this list needed to be made. Look, I can appreciate the time, and creativity, and effort it took to make this film. But once you take out the gimmick of watching these actors age over time, there's really not much else going on. (Also, if you want to show actors who age over time, don't cast Ethan Hawke. He looks exactly the same as he did in 1994. The guy is immortal.)

Anyway, if I had any interest in watching an uninteresting child grow up over an extended period time where nothing exciting or eventful happens in his life, I'd go find my old family tapes and binge watch them. In fact, I think I'll go digging through my parent's garage this weekend to find them and submit them for a Best Picture nomination before it's too late.

Avatar

Why it sucks: You know, I too was enamored by how visually breathtaking this movie was in theaters. But for those of you who still enjoy it without the IMAX screen and 3-D, please explain to me why. The plot is unoriginal (which James Cameron himself has pretty much admitted, while filling his swimming pool with $100 bills, probably) and the characters are two-dimensional even if you've got your 3-D glasses on. Also, you realize you're rooting against humans, right? Did you root for the T-Rex in "Jurassic Park?" Or the devil in "The Exorcist?" Come on, what the hell is wrong with you?

Spring Breakers
Spring Breakers
Why it sucks: You can't just lump a bunch of images of some hot girls in bikinis with a gangster James Franco voice-over repeating "Spring Breeeeeak" over them for 94 minutes and call it a movie. I don't care how attractive Selena Gomez is, no one should ever have to sit through someone else's phone call to their grandma. This glorified music video made over 30 million dollars. If you contributed even a single dollar towards that, then yes, you are in fact an asshole.

American Hustle

Why it sucks: If you asked me to do my best impression of Jennifer Lawrence overacting in this movie, I would still be underacting by a long shot compared to Jennifer Lawrence's overacting in this movie. If people weren't raving about her performance so much before I finally saw it, it probably wouldn't have bothered me so much and this movie would never have made this list.

A Christmas Story

Why it sucks: Mainly because TBS crams it down our throats on Christmas Day simply because it has "Christmas" in the title. We've all been brainwashed over the years to associate our love of the holiday season with this not-that-good movie. There are a number of Christmas movies that are more worthy of a 24 hour marathon. "A Christmas Story" is dull and not as funny as you've been fooled into thinking it is. I'll take 24 hours of Clark Griswold's Aunt Bethany and her nonsensical questions over this idiot kid shooting his eye out any day.

The Interview

Why it sucks: As someone who usually enjoys Seth Rogen movies, I was deeply disappointed when I saw the first trailer for "The Interview." There was no way I was going to pay to see it after that, but we all know what happened next. My interest was aroused and the curiosity got the best of me. I paid to see it and for that, I myself am an asshole. It just wasn't a funny concept to begin with. Not to mention how annoying it was to have to listen to James Franco say "Hate us 'cause they ain't us" a number of times over the course of the movie. Hang on a second, I see a trend here. Maybe I just don't like movies where James Franco repeats things.

Garden State

Why it sucks: Zach Braff. Oh, and the soundtrack was not that good.

Training Day
training day denzel
Why it sucks: Let me start off by saying that, like all of you, I very much enjoyed this movie when it first came out. I've probably seen it 247 times on TV since. And that may be the very reason why I've learned, over time, that it just isn't that great of a movie.

Please go back and watch that movie again and tell me Denzel really deserved an Oscar for that over-the-top performance. There are so many Oscar-worthy Denzel performances, but this isn't one of them. Maybe it was the supporting cast of rappers and their horrible attempts at dramatic acting that made us all think he was really amazing in it. On the other hand, I guess anyone who can take himself seriously while yelling "King Kong ain't got shit on me!" and not crack a smile deserves some kind of award.

Oz the Great and Powerful

Why it sucks: We have all seen "The Wizard of Oz." It's a timeless classic that reminds us of our childhood. Disney used that nostalgia against us and gave us this garbage with James Franco phoning it in in the lead role. Over the course of the movie, it feels like he's reading his already-ridiculous lines off a teleprompter. For the sequel, I'm pretty sure Disney could replace James Franco with a broom and it would have more personality.

When I set out to make this list, I really didn't intend to have multiple movies starring James Franco on it. Now that I think of it, maybe you all aren't the assholes. Maybe James Franco is since he keeps making these shitty films.

 

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Georgia Basketball Coach Loses Voice, Gives Funniest Interview of All Time

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In just six years, Georgia men's basketball head coach Mark Fox has taken what was once a perennial cellar dweller and turned them into a contender.

But it took just 30 seconds to turn himself into a viral video star.

According to ESPN, Fox and the Bulldogs got a huge conference win in College Station last night when they took care of the Texas A&M Aggies 62-53. But the bigger story was Fox's postgame interview, in which he sounded more like a teenage boy going through puberty than a victorious college basketball coach.


Perhaps the only thing that could have made that interview even more entertaining is if after taking that drink of water, Fox's voice would have transformed into that of James Earl Jones or the Allstate Insurance guy. Instead, it was almost like the water somehow made it worse.

Hopefully, his players had some fun with him afterwards and took him to a karaoke bar or something.

​Here's a coach who really knows how to pick his moments: Atlanta Falcons Head Coach Picks Nose and Nets Huge Booger

 

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Wisconsin Student Makes Yogurt With Her Vagina

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Geez. People in Wisconsin will eat anything.

According to Vice Motherboard, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin was able to make a batch of yogurt using bacteria from her vagina, and it tastes about as awful as it sounds.

Wisconsin woman makes yogurt from her own vagina bacteria
Cecilia Westbrook and her friend Janet Jay, who wrote the piece for Vice, had often joked about making yogurt from vaginal secretions and naming the product "Queeffer." But when a Google search of the topic turned up nothing, Westbrook jumped into action.

After "collecting" her bacteria and letting it gel with the rest of the ingredients overnight, Westbrook gave her creation a taste.

"Her first batch of yogurt tasted sour, tangy, and almost tingly on the tongue," Jay wrote. "She compared it to Indian yogurt, and ate it with some blueberries. Her second batch tasted even more tart, like slightly-spoiled milk."

So, what's the takeaway from Westbrook's experiment? You guessed it: Making yogurt from vaginal secretions can be dangerous in the form of transmitting human diseases and it "isn't quite the same as eating actual p***y."

Ejaculating into a coworker's cup of joe is also frowned upon: Minnesota Man Admits to Putting His Semen in Coworker's Coffee

 

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Girl Discovers Boyfriend's Love Letter Is Actually Code for Anal Sex Request

Ashlyn Coray is Stacked and Sexy

Homeless Extra on the Set of 'Ant-Man' Urinates on Van

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"Ant-Man" won't be released in theaters until July 17, but that didn't stop a homeless extra on the set of the upcoming Marvel film from doing a little releasing of his own.

According to TMZ, the movie's production crew recently hired 100 homeless people in San Francisco's Tenderloin District to serve as extras, and it don't go as well as they had hoped, as one of them was filmed urinating on Ant-Man's van.



Unfortunately for the crew, the dude wasn't finished leaving his mark on the set after giving Paul Rudd's van a "golden shower." Word is the guy also dropped his drawers and pinched a loaf on the set.

The on-set crap job was apparently the final straw for producers. They promptly fired the man but still paid him $175 for his, um, "work."

The good news for producers is that they found an answer to the question, "If we bring 100 homeless people onto the set of our movie, what could possibly go wrong?"

It's not highly recommended to bring a homeless man into your house for a threesome either: Michigan Couple and Homeless Man Have Threesome, Get in Fight Over Hamburgers

 

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Ridiculous 'Jurassic World' Parody Trailer is Loaded With Hilarious Gags

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I know that headline is a little wordy, but honestly, there is no better way to describe it. When I watched this "Jurassic World" parody the first time, I thought it was just silly. But then I couldn't stop watching it, and now I have seen it 50 times and find a new hidden joke with each viewing. Also, the editing and after effects are top-noch, right down to the piano at the end.

 

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These Are All Hilarious Ways To Respond To The Idiots of The Internet

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A counter-troll -- according to Urban Dictionary -- is "someone versed in the art of disarming an online troll." Not to be confused with "feeding the troll," a counter-troll uses wit and humor and knowledge to put the troll back under the bridge. Because everyone loves a hero, here are some of the best counter-trolls in history.

trolls put in their place
Taco Bell's social media department rules.

trolls put in their place
Mom's got jokes.

trolls put in their place
Malcolm the millionaire.

trolls put in their place
Sega disses its demo.

trolls put in their place
That's one ugly dick pic.

trolls put in their place
The healthiest diet there is.

trolls put in their place
Owned.


Dismantling a troll's flawed logic.

trolls put in their place
Never question the Zuck.

trolls put in their place
A creepy question gets an even creepier response.

trolls being put in their place
+1 Rihanna.

trolls put in their place
I miss Tom.

trolls put in their place
That awkward moment...

trolls put in their place
An all-American counter-troll.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

The Very Best American Presidential Scandals

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If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's how much we like and respect our political leaders. Well, OK maybe not. But in case you need a reason to question your current or future presidents, here are some of the best and biggest scandals of our commanders-in-chief from the past.

Black Friday (1869)
presidential scandals, black friday 1869
The only Black Friday we know involves the tearing of limbs for highly sought after Christmas items the day after Thanksgiving, but the first Black Friday took place in 1869 during the Ulysses S. Grant administration, one of several screw-ups by the war hero president. During the Reconstruction Era, a large debt set in to cover such reconstruction, a debt that was believed to be repaid in gold. Two men, James Fisk and Jay Gould, attempted to control the gold market in anticipation of this debt, a scandal that reached all the way back to Grant's administration. Grant appointed someone to his treasury that would tip off Fisk and Gould as to when the government intended to pay back that debt. After hoarding the gold the price had risen 30 percent, but when it went public, their worth plummeted and left many in ruins.

JFK and Marilyn Monroe's Death (1962)
presidential scandals, marilyn monroe JFK
Of all the sex scandals in the presidential office, none was more popular as well as harder to prove than Marilyn Monroe's involvement with the Kennedy brothers. The official cause of death of the late actress was ruled a probable suicide, but many people believed that to be a cover-up by John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert, who were both rumored of having affairs with Monroe. The more she threatened to out the Kennedys, the closer she came to her death, which occurred in her Los Angeles home in 1962 from barbiturate overdose. There was no evidence, only speculation about the Kennedys' involvement. There are many conspiracy theories about her death, including the lack of pills in her system, but there is also a list of other people considered suspect. (Photo credit: Baron/Getty Images)

Teapot Dome (1921)
presidential scandals, teapot dome
Albert Fall, a member of Warren G. Harding's cabinet, was secretly selling oil production rights to Teapot Dome, Wyoming in exchange for profit and cattle. The public oil field was leased without competitive bidding by Fall, and upon investigation it was revealed that Fall had received large amounts of cash - one for $100k and more after his retirement - in exchange for the land. He was convicted on charges of bribery and sentenced. Harding died shortly after in office in 1923.

Whitewater Controversy (1992)
presidential scandals, whitewater controversy
Whitewater was a word used to refer to several investigations during the Clinton administration, the first of which began towards the beginning of Bill Clinton's term as president. He and his wife Hillary invested and lost a great deal of money in a real estate company. In 1992, an investigator linked the Clintons in a scandal where Bill had set up an illegal loan during his time as governor in Arkansas, which came into light during his early term as president. Susan McDougal, the woman who received the illegal loan was prosecuted - along with Clinton's governing successor - but Clinton was never charged due to insufficient evidence. He did however grant McDougal a pardon after she served 18 months for not releasing information about Clinton's involvement in Whitewater.

The Whiskey Ring (1875)
presidential scandals, whiskey ring
The Whiskey Ring is not the name of an awesome dive bar, but rather the political scandal in which government employees were pocketing whiskey taxes under the nose of the rest of the Ulysses S. Grant administration. Grant, considered one of America's most corrupt presidents, caused more damage for himself when he secretly tried to protect one of the government officials who was implicated in the act, his secretary, while simultaneously punishing the rest.

Thomas Jefferson's Affair (1802)
presidential scandals, thomas jefferson
One of the first sex scandals in presidential history involved Thomas Jefferson and one of his younger slave girls, Sally Hemmings. In 1802, Jefferson was accused of having the affair with his slave, though he denied the charges and the story kind of went away. However, it was revived in recent years and it was recently found through DNA analysis that Jefferson did indeed father Hemmings' child.

Iran-Contra Affair (1986)
presidential scandals, iran-contra affair
During Ronald Reagan's term in office, part of his cabinet was involved in the secret selling of arms to Iran, a member of their firearms trade embargo. While secretly selling the guns, they hoped to make the terrorists more likely to deal kindly with hostages while also secretly giving the money from their sales to Contras in Nicaragua for their own benefit, as well. The flying and selling of drugs into another country to raise money for war was also a part of the scandal.

Bush's Domestic Wiretapping (2002)
presidential scandals, george w bush
Following the terrorist attacks of 9/11, George W. Bush was involved in wiretapping of domestic phone calls. He and Congress passed the Patriot Act, which was designed and approved to help American leaders in the war against terrorism. From there, Bush's administration began secret operations to listen in on domestic calls - one particular case between an Islamic charity and American attorneys. However, this action was deemed illegal in courts as it does not follow the guidelines of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, which requires a warrant for such activity. (Photo credit: Douglas Graham/Roll Call/Getty Images)

The Oral Office (1998)
presidential scandals, bill clinton monica lewinsky
Bill Clinton may have been one of the best presidents we've had in years, but even great leaders are not without a scandal (or two). In 1998, Clinton's big one came to the surface when it was reported that he had received sexual favors from 22-year-old intern Monica Lewinsky in his office. Clinton committed perjury by denying the affair in a previous deposition, which resulted in him becoming the second president - along with Andrew Jackson - to be impeached. Between this and Whitewater, we'd say the Clinton couple is virtually indestructible and hopefully will be back in 2016, where Hillary will have scandals of her own. (Photo credit: Getty Images / Handout)

Watergate (1972)
presidential scandals, watergate resignation letter
The only scandal to end in a U.S. president resigning from office is Richard Nixon's Watergate scandal. Occurring in 1972 and ending with his resignation in 1974, Nixon was involved in the break-in of a Democratic convention at the Watergate Hotel. The handful of men arrested and prosecuted were all in some way connected to Nixon and his committee for his reelection campaign. He was later busted, along with his Chief of Staff, in a very "House of Cards" style type of cover-up involving the CIA thwarting the FBI's investigation into the break-in. Before his level of involvement could be determined, he resigned and flew away in a helicopter -- a real Dick move.

All photos via Wikimedia Commons unless otherwise noted.

 

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The Most Badass Grandmas

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They say life begins at 40, but for the women in this article we might want to bump it up a few decades. Pissed off with feeling left behind, these ten grandmothers are taking it to the streets with acts of epic badassdom. Why don't you call your grandma and tell her you love her, then ask her to toughen up and make you proud.

Ekaterina Bilvik

The military situation in the Ukraine right now is a tough one, with Russian troops working to splinter the populace into secession. One Ukranian who isn't having any of it is Ekaterina Bilvik, a 68-year-old grandmother who signed up for the military and recently made it through basic training with flying colors. Bilvik was inspired by memories of Nazi and Soviet occupation to take up arms against Putin's forces, and her determination and combat skills impressed her fellow trainees, who gave her the nickname "The Punisher."

Wang Xiaoya

Respect for the elderly is a key tenet of Chinese culture, so it's not surprising that their grandmas are exceptional. One of the most badass that we've ever heard of is the mighty Wang Xiaoya, who has jaw muscles that would put a strongman to shame. The 73-year-old woman shows off her strength by hooking a special bite harness to trucks full of people and dragging them around. In 2007, she beat her previous record by hauling two trucks weighing in at a staggering total of five tons.

Kay Kise

Grandmas work their whole life to get by, so they don't take it well when snot-nosed punks try to steal from them. Indianapolis woman Kay Kise was parking in her neighborhood when a trio of gun-toting crooks held her up and demanded her car keys. She stared the little brat in the face and refused, slapping his pistol away. The criminals attacked, but she refused to give up the keys, and neighbors shouting eventually scared them away. I don't think I'd be able to keep my cool or my keys with a pistol in my face, but I'm not a grandmother.

Becky Powell

One of the most important things the older generation can pass down to us is a sense of justice. Evil flourishes when good people do nothing, so when Pasco, Washington grandmother Becky Powell saw police chasing a suspect toward her, she swung into action. Powell leapt out of her moving car, hunkered down in a football stance and dared the perp to get past her. He tried, and she took him down to the sidewalk and held him there until the cops could catch up. While she had him down, she took the opportunity to tease the poor chump on being taken down by a grandmother of 5.

La Catrina

The masked lucha libre wrestlers of Mexico are shrouded in secret, with their real identities kept closely guarded. One of the most badass distaff grapplers in town is La Catrina, a terror in the ring who also happens to be a grandmother of seven. Catrina wanted to learn wrestling to defend herself against her abusive husband, and made her professional debut in 1983. Over three decades later, she's still mixing it up in the ring, and her scummy hubby is long gone.

Aishat Maksudova

Surviving in the frigid cold of Russia makes you tough, but this is ridiculous. In rural Dagestan, 58-year-old grandmother Aishat Maksudova was out herding sheep when she heard a calf cry out in pain. Running to the source of the sound, she discovered a vicious wolf attacking the animal. Maksudova charged the beast and it jumped on her. Her first instinct? Ball up a fist and try to punch it in the throat. When that didn't work, the badass granny picked up an axe and started hammering the wolf in the skull until it died.

Willie Murphy

Bro, do you even lift? A day in the gym with Willie Murphy will have you questioning your commitment to fitness. The 77-year-old woman is a petite figure, weighing in at just 105 pounds, but she can deadlift over twice that much and won the 2014 Lifter of the Year Award from the World Natural Powerlifting Federation. Murphy started her fitness crusade doing track and field at 50, and wanted to powerlift to give herself "a little edge in life." Obviously it worked, because she's frighteningly ripped.

Emma Gatewood

You don't have to put your life in imminent danger to be a truly badass grandma. Emma Gatewood earns the title by taking Mother Nature down a few notches. "Grandma Gatewood" was an Ohio farmer's wife who set multiple outdoors records. She was the first woman to hike all 2,168 miles of the Appalachian Trail solo, doing it in a pair of Keds at the age of 67 and eating nothing but dried beef, nuts and whatever she could forage along the way. She did it again at the age of 75, just for the hell of it.

Paddy Trumbull

Here's another tale of a tough as nails grandma triumphing over an apex predator. When Paddy Trumbull went swimming off of North Queensland in 2010, she didn't expect a reef shark to clamp onto her leg. While a normal person would just go into shock in this circumstance, Trumbull wasn't having any of the fish's nonsense. She cocked her fist and started punching the beast in its face over and over until she scrambled its brains enough to let her go. A resort manager got her in a boat and made a makeshift bandage to stop the blood loss long enough to get her airlifted to a nearby hospital.

Mary Finch

Let's close this out with a badass GREAT-grandmother, just to show you that toughness keeps going long after menopause. When Birmingham, Alabama woman Mary Finch heard strange noises in her home, she got up from bed to be confronted by a teenager brandishing a gun at her and demanding money. Unwilling to let some snotnosed crook rip her off, Finch grabbed a hammer off of an end table and went to town on the wanna-be robber, saying ''If you're going to shoot, you better shoot, because I'm going to get you." He made a move, so she smashed his hand with the hammer and fled the scene. Finch's only regret? That she didn't nail him in the head.

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.


Follow @robfee on Twitter.



Even more funny tweets can be found right here.

 

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The Nightmare Conversation You've Had At Every Fast Food Drive-Thru Window Ever

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Have you ever had a fast food drive-thru experience that went perfect with no confusion or mishaps whatsoever? Of course not. It's not all the employees fault; they're trying to hear your confused and slurred order through a walkie talkie in a crowded dining room, so the environment is as much to blame. No matter if you eat a lot of fast food, or you have an occasional cheat day, you've definitely had this conversation at some point.

Drive-Thru: Welcome to (every restaurant ever). Would you like to try our new Bulgarian Salmon Wraps?

You: Uh no thanks. Can I get-

Drive-Thru: I'll be with you in one moment, sir.

You: Oh...sorry.

(2 to 4 minutes later)

Drive-Thru: Go ahead with your order

You: Yeah can I just get a cheeseburger with no pickles, a 5-piece chicken nugget, and a medium French fry?

Drive-Thru: Would you like to make that a large fry for only $1 more?

You: No thanks. I don't want that many fries.

Drive-Thru: Would you like to make it a trash bag full of fries for only $3 more?

You: Uh no thanks. Just the medium is fine.

Drive-Thru: Would you like to add a drink and make it a combo for only $2 more?

You: Oh no thanks. I already have a drink, but I appreciate it.

Drive-Thru: Would you like to add an order of Bulgarian Salmon Wraps as well?

You: No. No, I wouldn't. I just want the cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.

Drive-Thru: OK, so that was a vanilla milkshake, six apple pies, and a used basketball?

You: What? No. None of that. And did you say a used basketball?

Drive-Thru: Oh, so two used basketballs?

You: No. No basketballs. Why would I order a us- nevermind. I just want a cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.

Drive-Thru: That'll be $19.76 please pull around.

You: Yeah, there's no way that total is right. Are you sure you got my order?

Drive-Thru: Just pull around, sir. Thank you.

(You pull to the first window and no one comes by for several minutes. Eventually the person at the second window waves you forward and looks at you like you're an idiot for stopping at the window that's labeled STOP HERE TO PAY. Why does that window even exist?)

You: Do you need me to repeat that order?

Drive-Thru: No, I think I got it. That'll be $19.76

You: That seems really high. Can you just read me back the order?

Drive-Thru: Sure. A bag of grapes, an iPod shuffle, some cornbread, and an order of Bulgarian Salmon Wraps.

You: Literally none of that is correct. I just want a cheeseburger with no pickles, 5-piece nugget, and a medium fry.

Drive-Thru: Oh sorry. Your total is $5.14.

You: Perfect!

(You hand the employee your card and pay for the food)

You: Can I get honey mustard for the nuggets?

(They hand you a tiny thimble with enough sauce for maybe one nugget)

You: Oh, can I get a couple more packets of sauce?

Drive-Thru: Actually you only get one packet of sauce with your order. Each additional packet is 36 cents.

(You only have your card. There's never any change in your console at this point)

You: I don't have any change on me. (You say this hoping they'll just give you one of them, but that doesn't happen.)

Drive-Thru: I can run your card again if you want.

You: I have to put 36 cents on my card for honey mustard?

Drive-Thru: I also forgot to charge you for the extra pickles.

You: Wait, I said no pickles.

Drive-Thru: No, you said extra pickles.

You: I hate pickles. There's no way I said extra pickles because I always order my food with no pickles.

Drive-Thru: Sir, I think I know what you said.

You: You also thought I ordered a basketball and some sort of salmon wrap. This is a 99 cent burger place. Why would I ever order salmon here?

Drive-Thru: So, you want me to add the salmon wraps?

You: No. No, I do not. I don't want the salmon wraps.

(You try to keep talking, but the guy behind you is revving up his giant truck like he's going to intimidate you into abandoning your meal, or something)

Drive-Thru: This is to go, right?

You: What? I'm in my car right now, talking to you through a window.

Drive-Thru: It'll be just a few minutes on your chicken nuggets.

You: Do you know about how long?

Drive-Thru: (To someone that is apparently very far away in the back of the kitchen) HEY CRAIG! HOW LONG IS IT GONNA BE UNTIL THOSE NUGGETS ARE DONE?

Craig: I don't know! I wasn't even supposed to work tonight, but Crystal called in AGAIN, and so Evan told me I had to cover her shift. I'm fed up with this place and people getting special treatment. If he calls me on my day off again I'm quitting. I swear to god!

Drive-Thru: (To Craig) She did the same thing to me last month and I checked on her Facebook and it said she was at her cousin's house. How are you at your cousin's house when you're supposed to be going to the doctor with a sprained ankle? I tell you what, if she thinks for one seco-

You: I'm sorry, do you have any sort of guess when those nuggets will be done?

(After a few minutes of sheer agony, your order comes out)

You: Oh thanks. Wait, there's no honey mustard in there.

Drive-Thru: Oh we're out of honey mustard. Have a good day!

You: I think I'll eat this, and then drive my car into a ravine. Thank you.

 

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Czech Woman's New Vagina is Made From Pig Intestine

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If you like bacon, then boy, do we have the girl for you.

According to the Daily Mail, a Czech woman whose vagina was so small that she couldn't have sex no longer has that problem thanks to reconstructive surgery and pig intestine.

woman's vagina is made from pig intestine
The poor woman had been suffering from a condition known as scleroderma, in which the areas of skin around her vagina hardened and thickened, causing her "vaginal opening to contract" and "making its sexual function harder."

So, the woman recently traveled to the University Hospital in Pizen to undergo a groundbreaking procedure to correct her problem. Doctors had previously used pig intestine to widen narrow bladders in human beings, but using it to reconstruct a woman's vagina was going to be a first.

After making an incision to "enlarge the narrowed area," doctors used a mesh made of pig intestine to widen the walls of the woman's vagina. Over time, the doctors expect the woman will create her own human tissue and her body will absorb what they referred to as the "pig net."

In a related story, I'll be giving up pork for Lent, and it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Speaking of fake vaginas: Fleshlight Model Visits Factory That Makes Her Fake Vagina (NSFW)http://www.mandatory.com/2015/01/22/fleshlight-model-visits-factory-that-makes-her-fake-vagina-nsfw/

 

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Here's Why Throwing Fireworks Into the Sewer is a Bad Idea

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It doesn't matter where this video was taken, as kids in every corner of the globe should be able to take away a valuable lesson after watching it: Don't throw fireworks in the sewer.

Or at least if you do, get the hell off of the manhole that you just threw them into, son.


It's safe to assume this is one guy who won't be winning "Father of the Year" honors anytime soon. I mean, not only does he allow his two toddlers to stay within close proximity of the explosion while he just stands by watching some other kid throw a lit firecracker into a sewage reservoir filled with highly flammable hydrogen sulfide, but he also runs over one of those toddlers after the explosion to see if the instigator is OK. (Source: Daily Mail)

​If you have been getting your holiday fireworks from Colombia, you might need to look elsewhere this year: Fireworks Factory Explosion in Colombia Caught on Video

 

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