Alysson Holt Makes a Big Impression
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British Woman Spent $30,000 to Look Like Pamela Anderson
According to the Mirror, a Liverpool woman has dropped over $30,000 in an effort to look like her favorite celebrity Pamela Anderson.
![Woman drops $30,000 to look like Pam Anderson, pamela anderson lookalike]()
Carolyn Anderson has been altering herself since the age of 10 all because her father once said that she looked like Tommy Lee's ex-wife.
"I remember him saying, 'You have the look of Pamela Anderson,' and I was flattered," Carolyn said. "We got all the magazines out and because I already had similar features, I wanted the hair and the clothes to complete the look."
But that was when she was only 10 years old. Since then, she's dropped well over $21,000 on eight boob jobs and has often been injected with a fake tan solution to "maintain her Pamela Anderson look."
Carolyn said she originally went to school to become a lawyer, but by the looks of things, she put her tuition money to much better use.
![Woman drops $30,000 to look like Pam Anderson]()
![Woman drops $30,000 to look like Pam Anderson]()
![Woman drops $30,000 to look like Pam Anderson]()
![Woman drops $30,000 to look like Pam Anderson]()
We'll give Anderson this much: She looks a hell of a lot sexier than this crazy chick: French Model Spends Almost $49,000 to Look Like Sex Doll
Carolyn Anderson has been altering herself since the age of 10 all because her father once said that she looked like Tommy Lee's ex-wife.
"I remember him saying, 'You have the look of Pamela Anderson,' and I was flattered," Carolyn said. "We got all the magazines out and because I already had similar features, I wanted the hair and the clothes to complete the look."
But that was when she was only 10 years old. Since then, she's dropped well over $21,000 on eight boob jobs and has often been injected with a fake tan solution to "maintain her Pamela Anderson look."
Carolyn said she originally went to school to become a lawyer, but by the looks of things, she put her tuition money to much better use.
We'll give Anderson this much: She looks a hell of a lot sexier than this crazy chick: French Model Spends Almost $49,000 to Look Like Sex Doll
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5 Oscars Drinks That Could All Win the Award for Best Cocktail
On Sunday, last year's best movies will battle it out for the highest honor in film -- the Oscar. While you're watching it all unfold on the 87th Academy Awards, you'd be remiss to be empty-handed. That's why you should mix up any of the five cocktails below for your Oscars parties. All of them are winners.
RED CARPET PUNCH
![oscars cocktails]()
Ingredients:
1 ½ oz. Avión Reposado Tequila
1/4 oz. Lime Juice
1/4 oz. Lemon Juice
1/4 oz. Grenadine
3/4 oz. Simple Syrup
3/4 oz. Pomegranate Juice
1 tsp. All Spice
1 sprig Thyme for garnish
Preparation:
Combine all ingredients into a shaker excluding the all spice. Shake and strain into a glass over ice. Sprinkle all spice on top. Garnish with sprig of thyme.
For more, visit TequilaAvion.com. Price starts at $24.99
HIMALAYAN SPRITZ
![oscars cocktails]()
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Snow Leopard Vodka
.75 oz. Aperol
.75 oz. Cherry Brandy
.25 oz. Prosecco
Preparation:
Build in a rocks glass filled with cubed ice and stir, then top with Prosecco. Garnish with an orange wheel and cherry. Batch it up in a pitcher for easy Oscars party serving.
For more, visit Snow Leopard Vodka.
THEORY OF TEQUILA
![oscars cocktails]()
Ingredients:
2 oz. Avión Silver
3/4 oz. Jalapeño-Infused Elderflower Liqueur
1/2 oz. Orange Juice
1/4 oz. Lemon Juice
1/2 oz. Lime Juice
3/4 oz. Simple Syrup
3 Sage Leaves
1 Sage Leaf and Salt for garnish
Preparation:
Muddle sage in a shaker. Add all ingredients. Shake. Double strain. Pour over ice in salt-rimmed glass. Garnish with sage leaf.
RED CARPET BRAMBLE
![oscars cocktails]()
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Tanqueray London Dry
.75 oz. Lemon Juice
.75 oz. Simple Syrup
.25 oz. Crème de Mure
Preparation:
Build all except Mure into crushed ice filled rocks glass. Drizzle Mure around inner rim. Garnish with lemon wedge and blackberry.
FRENCH 75
![oscars cocktails]()
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Tanqueray No. TEN
.5 oz. Simple Syrup
.5 oz. Lemon Juice
Champagne
Preparation:
Shake and strain first three ingredients into a coupe glass and top with champagne.
For more, visit Tanqueray.com.
RED CARPET PUNCH
Ingredients:
1 ½ oz. Avión Reposado Tequila
1/4 oz. Lime Juice
1/4 oz. Lemon Juice
1/4 oz. Grenadine
3/4 oz. Simple Syrup
3/4 oz. Pomegranate Juice
1 tsp. All Spice
1 sprig Thyme for garnish
Preparation:
Combine all ingredients into a shaker excluding the all spice. Shake and strain into a glass over ice. Sprinkle all spice on top. Garnish with sprig of thyme.
For more, visit TequilaAvion.com. Price starts at $24.99
HIMALAYAN SPRITZ
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Snow Leopard Vodka
.75 oz. Aperol
.75 oz. Cherry Brandy
.25 oz. Prosecco
Preparation:
Build in a rocks glass filled with cubed ice and stir, then top with Prosecco. Garnish with an orange wheel and cherry. Batch it up in a pitcher for easy Oscars party serving.
For more, visit Snow Leopard Vodka.
THEORY OF TEQUILA
Ingredients:
2 oz. Avión Silver
3/4 oz. Jalapeño-Infused Elderflower Liqueur
1/2 oz. Orange Juice
1/4 oz. Lemon Juice
1/2 oz. Lime Juice
3/4 oz. Simple Syrup
3 Sage Leaves
1 Sage Leaf and Salt for garnish
Preparation:
Muddle sage in a shaker. Add all ingredients. Shake. Double strain. Pour over ice in salt-rimmed glass. Garnish with sage leaf.
RED CARPET BRAMBLE
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Tanqueray London Dry
.75 oz. Lemon Juice
.75 oz. Simple Syrup
.25 oz. Crème de Mure
Preparation:
Build all except Mure into crushed ice filled rocks glass. Drizzle Mure around inner rim. Garnish with lemon wedge and blackberry.
FRENCH 75
Ingredients:
1.25 oz. Tanqueray No. TEN
.5 oz. Simple Syrup
.5 oz. Lemon Juice
Champagne
Preparation:
Shake and strain first three ingredients into a coupe glass and top with champagne.
For more, visit Tanqueray.com.
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Today's Funny Photos
Friday is here which means it's time to party. And there's no better way to kick off a party than funny photos. So start scrolling and get to laughing. It'll be happy hour in no time.
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See way more funny photos here
![funny photos]()
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See more funny photos here
See way more funny photos here
See more funny photos here
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The 20 Most Ridiculously Insane Things Jose Canseco Has Ever Posted on Twitter
You probably remember Jose Canseco from his decorated baseball career, but did you know he's completely insane on Twitter as well? If he's pulling off some sort of long term, elaborate troll it's completely masterful, but if not, he might need many, many years of help. Here are 20 of the most hilarious and insane things he's ever tweeted.
1. The time he presented us with his own version of Sofie's Choice:
1. The time he presented us with his own version of Sofie's Choice:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 26, 2012
2. When he was given winning lottery numbers from an "alien":
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 30, 2012
3. He found the positive side of global warming:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 15, 2012
4. He cleared up one of mankind's biggest unsolved mysteries:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) August 13, 2012
5. He wouldn't stop calling Alex Rodriguez "bitch tit":
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) June 25, 2013
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) July 27, 2013
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) July 23, 2013
6. He claimed his finger fell off during a poker game then said he was going to sell it online:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 17, 2014
7. The time he got pulled over with a goat in the backseat:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 21, 2013
8. He wrote a very sweet memorial to the very much alive Al Gore:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012
9. He designed his own tombstone with a single word:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 12, 2010
10. He called out Shaq (and immediately got completely owned):
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 5, 2013
- SHAQ (@SHAQ) May 5, 2013
11. He gave us quite a bit to think about involving space transportation:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014
12. He proved the existence of alien life forms and how they get around:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014
13. He said...whatever it is he's trying to say here:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012
14. He claimed to be a vampire:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 24, 2012
15. He offered to be the new host of Meet the Press:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) August 14, 2014
16. We learned that he doesn't enjoy horseback riding:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 31, 2010
17. He let us know when humans would become immortal:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) June 24, 2013
18. He claimed to be able to stop the aging process:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 13, 2012
19. He tried to barter some memorabilia with anyone who would listen:
- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) June 16, 2011
20. The time he called a girl a "butter face" in the least subtle way possible:
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Ranking the 25 Sexiest Cartoon Women
Whether it's an old school crush, a princess, a one-eyed alien or just the regular housewife that turns your knob, there is a myriad of sexy cartoon women from TV and film we all wish were real. Unfortunately, for now, we're stuck with real life ladies. But hey, the way things are going, that could all change. Here are the 25 sexiest cartoon dames of all time.
25. Betty Boop, "Dizzy Dishes"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
24. Wonder Woman, DC Animated Universe
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
23. Judy Jetson, "The Jetsons"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
22. Betty Rubble, "The Flintstones"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
21. Leela, "Futurama"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
20. Cheetara, "ThunderCats"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
19. Daphne Blake, "Scooby Doo & The Legend of the Vampire"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
18. Nancy Gribble, "King of the Hill"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
17. Stripperella, "Stipperella"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
16. Princess Jasmine, "Aladdin"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
15. Harley Quinn, "Batman: The Animated Series"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
14. Storm, "X-Men"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
13. (Hello!) Nurse, "Animaniacs"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
12. Marge Simpson, "The Simpsons"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
11. Diane Nguyen, "BoJack Horseman"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
10. Supergirl, "Superman: The Animated Series"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
9. Ariel, "The Little Mermaid"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
8. Esmeralda, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
7. Catwoman, "Batman: The Animated Series"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
6. April O'Neil, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
5. Poison Ivy, "Batman: The Animated Series"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
4. Lois Lane, "Superman: The Animated Series"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
3. Lana Kane, "Archer"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
2. Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
1. Lois Griffin, "Family Guy"
![sexiest cartoon women, sexiest cartoons, sexy cartoon girls]()
25. Betty Boop, "Dizzy Dishes"
24. Wonder Woman, DC Animated Universe
23. Judy Jetson, "The Jetsons"
22. Betty Rubble, "The Flintstones"
21. Leela, "Futurama"
20. Cheetara, "ThunderCats"
19. Daphne Blake, "Scooby Doo & The Legend of the Vampire"
18. Nancy Gribble, "King of the Hill"
17. Stripperella, "Stipperella"
16. Princess Jasmine, "Aladdin"
15. Harley Quinn, "Batman: The Animated Series"
14. Storm, "X-Men"
13. (Hello!) Nurse, "Animaniacs"
12. Marge Simpson, "The Simpsons"
11. Diane Nguyen, "BoJack Horseman"
10. Supergirl, "Superman: The Animated Series"
9. Ariel, "The Little Mermaid"
8. Esmeralda, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"
7. Catwoman, "Batman: The Animated Series"
6. April O'Neil, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
5. Poison Ivy, "Batman: The Animated Series"
4. Lois Lane, "Superman: The Animated Series"
3. Lana Kane, "Archer"
2. Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
1. Lois Griffin, "Family Guy"
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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
This is the best Obama correction you will read this weekend. http://t.co/GuGJNooz7m pic.twitter.com/HvCHU7jxGv
- Chris Cillizza (@TheFix) February 15, 2015
50 Shades Of Grey deleted scene: What do you want me to do? "Twist it" Mmm ok "Pull it" Oooo kinky "Bop it" Wait what
- Mark (@Quadricycle) February 12, 2015
A DOG JUST CHEWED THROUGH HER LEASH AND RAN THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY AND NOW I BELIEVE AGAIN
- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 8, 2015
Was brainstorming ways to defeat ISIS (as I do), got excited about an idea, then realized my idea was literally Iron Man.
- Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) February 10, 2015
I put "Dr." before my signature on anything I ever sign and I've never been questioned about it
- Hot Dog Wiener (@googleymoogley) February 13, 2015
the frenemy of my enefriend is my frenendemiend
- Ben (@UniqueDude2) January 2, 2015
"Ok welcome to ask stupid questions club. Any questions?" Is this ask stupid questions club? "You're now the leader of this club" What club?
- Cocaine Cola (@SatansTongue) February 2, 2015
-What should we name this creature w/ big feet? "Bigfoot" -And this w/ saber teeth? "Sabertooth" -And this beaverduck? "Platypus" -wtf dude
- ibid (@ibid78) February 13, 2015
"in case of emergency we ask you to please literally rip the entire door off the hinges then get the hell out" pic.twitter.com/hXmdebqsxJ
- EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) February 16, 2015
One thing I can't figure out is if successful rappers are doing well financially.
- jonnifer lopez (@senderblock23) February 14, 2015
There's a reason it's called love at first sight and not love at first talk.
- Shawn Hatosy (@ShawnHatosy) February 13, 2015
"Uh, sir, do you want to rethink that acronym at all?" "Do you want to get the fuck out of my office?" pic.twitter.com/XBHc6YHXi8
- Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) February 6, 2015
[grandpa voice] In my day there was only one shade of grey. [hands you a newspaper]
- OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 15, 2015
BBC News captioner really on fire today pic.twitter.com/ErXgfu7rpc
- Chris Adams (@ChrisA) February 13, 2015
You've seen me do a lot of complicated dance routines if anyone asks.
- Lady (@ladybroseph) February 6, 2015
I wish that at the end of Titanic it's revealed that the old lady is a con artist.
- Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) February 15, 2015
A time machine?! "That's right. Step inside." But where are we going? "Not where...when!" Oh you know what I fucking meant.
- Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) February 15, 2015
[1st date] Would you excuse me for a moment? *date checks her watch while Im visible through the window playing with dogs across the street*
- Lazer Cat (@Laser_Cat) February 13, 2015
My kids will never know the thrill of perfectly holding down the receiver button on a phone to quietly listen in on phone calls.
- Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) February 12, 2015
*pauses porn to get a good look at the girl's eyeshadow*
- cloudypianos (@cloudypianos) February 16, 2015
The fun doesn't have to end here. Click the link for even more funny tweets.
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22 AirBnB Listings Where You'll Probably Be Murdered
Renting an AirBnB instead of a hotel is a great way to save money, get more space, and have a little more privacy. It's also apparently a great way for people who live like serial killers to use their murder dens to make a little extra money on the side. I'm not saying someone has definitely died in these rooms, but if you saw one of these places in a horror movie, you'd know that someone is about to get killed off. It doesn't matter how much money you're going to save, don't stay in one of these rooms.
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There's a closet I put in here for you, but please don't use it because I'll be in there watching you sleep.
![]()
Why would you think I'd be recording you while you're sleeping? Is it because the tripod sitting directly in front of your bed?
![]()
Plenty of fresh air!
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Keep the picture blurry and that way they won't be able to see the crime scene tape.
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This is the type of room where someone goes to write a manifesto.
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If you've ever seen a horror movie, you know these stairs lead to a portal into hell.
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I'm not sure if this would be scarier around Christmas or in the middle of summer.
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I know you said you're a fan of "The Fly," but are you a REALLY big fan?
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That sheet will be used to wrap your body then tossed through that window into the abyss of darkness.
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You'd be better off sleeping on a park bench.
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Nice try, Jason Voorhees.
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Free white Nikes and Kool-Aid included in your stay!
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There is a 1000% chance there's a mutant or some sort of ancient evil in that closet.
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You know exactly what you're getting into if you decide to stay here.
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Sorry about the windows. Don't worry, that was just from previous tenants that were murdered.
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Call me crazy, but I'm willing to bet there's no wifi.
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"Hey honey, you know how you always complain that the mattresses at hotels aren't firm enough?"
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Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to be interrogated at Guantanamo Bay?
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The walls were white, but blood doesn't come out easily.
![]()
Spacious!
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Is there a cat wearing sunglasses under that bed or is it a demon?
![]()
Everything looks innocent until you notice the saxophone lamp...
There's a closet I put in here for you, but please don't use it because I'll be in there watching you sleep.
Why would you think I'd be recording you while you're sleeping? Is it because the tripod sitting directly in front of your bed?
Plenty of fresh air!
Keep the picture blurry and that way they won't be able to see the crime scene tape.
This is the type of room where someone goes to write a manifesto.
If you've ever seen a horror movie, you know these stairs lead to a portal into hell.
I'm not sure if this would be scarier around Christmas or in the middle of summer.
I know you said you're a fan of "The Fly," but are you a REALLY big fan?
That sheet will be used to wrap your body then tossed through that window into the abyss of darkness.
You'd be better off sleeping on a park bench.
Nice try, Jason Voorhees.
Free white Nikes and Kool-Aid included in your stay!
There is a 1000% chance there's a mutant or some sort of ancient evil in that closet.
You know exactly what you're getting into if you decide to stay here.
Sorry about the windows. Don't worry, that was just from previous tenants that were murdered.
Call me crazy, but I'm willing to bet there's no wifi.
"Hey honey, you know how you always complain that the mattresses at hotels aren't firm enough?"
Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to be interrogated at Guantanamo Bay?
The walls were white, but blood doesn't come out easily.
Spacious!
Is there a cat wearing sunglasses under that bed or is it a demon?
Everything looks innocent until you notice the saxophone lamp...
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Oscars Speech Mad Libs
They're finally here. After about 37 totally meaningless movie awards ceremonies, the grand-daddy of them all has arrived. The Oscars. The most important, and pretentious, movie night of the year. With all of that self-seriousness packed into one theater, you better believe there are going to be some overly dramatic acceptance speeches. Unfortunately, they are all going to be pretty much the same. Fill in the blanks below and you, too, can thank just about everyone in your life for this very special achievement.
![funny oscars speech mad libs]()
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Emily Ratajkowski Poses Fully Nude On Instagram
Instagram's no nudity policy is a real bummer sometimes, but that doesn't mean there's not a way around it. On February 19th, Emily Ratajkowski -- one of our favorite models of all time -- posted a fully nude shot of herself on Instagram as part of Throwback Thursday (#tbt). Some images are indelible. This is one of them.
More impressive is that she found a loophole in the social media giant's policy against nudity. Ladies (we're looking at you, Chelsea Handler) should take note that this is the way to do it. Check out Emily in her beautiful birthday suit below:
Also check out: The 13 Hottest Carl's Jr. Girls
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Cheerleader Nicky Gile Makes Florida Atlantic University Look Even More Attractive
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Oklahoma Woman Tries to Bite Off Boyfriend's Penis
You're doing it wrong, honey. Way wrong.
According to KJRH, a Tulsa man woke up early Thursday morning to perhaps the worst thing imaginable: his angry girlfriend trying to bite off his beef whistle.
![Oklahoma woman tries to bite off boyfriend's penis]()
Police said Amber Ellis and her boyfriend were out drinking Wednesday night, and sometime during their walk home, the two began arguing about "how needy Ellis had become." The argument carried over into the couple's apartment, and Ellis eventually made her way to the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
At that point, the dude made the responsible decision by crashing on the couch, and that's where he woke up a short while later to Ellis chowing on his pork sword. He was briefly able to fight her off, but Ellis still managed to smash his head in with a laptop computer.
Luckily, the man was able to get to the hospital, where he received "several stitches to the base of his penis." Meanwhile, Ellis was arrested and charged with maiming and assault with a dangerous weapon.
It was unclear, however, which was being considered the dangerous weapon -- the laptop or her chompers.
Despite the maiming, there are still way worse people out there doing way worse things to guys' hogs: Chinese Woman Cuts Off Cheating Husband's Penis...Twice
According to KJRH, a Tulsa man woke up early Thursday morning to perhaps the worst thing imaginable: his angry girlfriend trying to bite off his beef whistle.
Police said Amber Ellis and her boyfriend were out drinking Wednesday night, and sometime during their walk home, the two began arguing about "how needy Ellis had become." The argument carried over into the couple's apartment, and Ellis eventually made her way to the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
At that point, the dude made the responsible decision by crashing on the couch, and that's where he woke up a short while later to Ellis chowing on his pork sword. He was briefly able to fight her off, but Ellis still managed to smash his head in with a laptop computer.
Luckily, the man was able to get to the hospital, where he received "several stitches to the base of his penis." Meanwhile, Ellis was arrested and charged with maiming and assault with a dangerous weapon.
It was unclear, however, which was being considered the dangerous weapon -- the laptop or her chompers.
Despite the maiming, there are still way worse people out there doing way worse things to guys' hogs: Chinese Woman Cuts Off Cheating Husband's Penis...Twice
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Woman Arrested for Masturbating During 'Fifty Shades of Grey'
The S&M drama has taken in over $400 million worldwide, but it appears as though some people are enjoying it more than others.
According to the Daily Mail, a 33-year-old woman at a movie theater in Sinaloa, Mexico was arrested last week when other moviegoers saw her masturbating during a screening of "Fifty Shades of Grey."
![Woman arrested for masturbating during Fifty Shades of Grey]()
Police said the woman had a choice seat in the 12th row, but at some point during the steamy flick, she, well, began flicking her bean. The woman was arrested and charged with public indecency, and she was taken away from the theater in handcuffs, which we'll assume made her even hornier than she already was.
Despite a 73 percent drop in ticket sales after last week's monster opening, "Fifty Shades of Grey" managed to claim the top spot at this weekend's domestic box office with a $23.2 million haul. Analysts predict the movie will close somewhere around $170 million in the US, although no projections were made on how many more ladies will get busted diddling themselves to it.
Hey, who needs a movie theater? Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates
According to the Daily Mail, a 33-year-old woman at a movie theater in Sinaloa, Mexico was arrested last week when other moviegoers saw her masturbating during a screening of "Fifty Shades of Grey."
Police said the woman had a choice seat in the 12th row, but at some point during the steamy flick, she, well, began flicking her bean. The woman was arrested and charged with public indecency, and she was taken away from the theater in handcuffs, which we'll assume made her even hornier than she already was.
Despite a 73 percent drop in ticket sales after last week's monster opening, "Fifty Shades of Grey" managed to claim the top spot at this weekend's domestic box office with a $23.2 million haul. Analysts predict the movie will close somewhere around $170 million in the US, although no projections were made on how many more ladies will get busted diddling themselves to it.
Hey, who needs a movie theater? Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates
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Former WWE Diva Chyna Made a Twerking Video and It's Terrible
If you thought her skin flicks were atrocious, wait until you see this.
According to Uproxx, ex-WWE star Chyna apparently still has fans, and some of them asked her to post a video of her twerking.
She shouldn't have.
In case you thought the video couldn't possibly get any less sexy, think again. I'm pretty sure my dad wears those same socks, except they might be smaller. And pay close attention at the 2:22 mark, when she falls on her head and hurts herself. Nice move.
We're not sure which is worse, a makeup-less Chyna's attempt at twerking or her current living conditions. I mean, the place I call home looks better than that, and I'm a blogger.
Now if we can get this diva to post a twerking video, it will probably be worth watching a few hundred times: Former 'WWE Diva Search' Contestant JT Tinney Brings on the Cleavage
According to Uproxx, ex-WWE star Chyna apparently still has fans, and some of them asked her to post a video of her twerking.
She shouldn't have.
In case you thought the video couldn't possibly get any less sexy, think again. I'm pretty sure my dad wears those same socks, except they might be smaller. And pay close attention at the 2:22 mark, when she falls on her head and hurts herself. Nice move.
We're not sure which is worse, a makeup-less Chyna's attempt at twerking or her current living conditions. I mean, the place I call home looks better than that, and I'm a blogger.
Now if we can get this diva to post a twerking video, it will probably be worth watching a few hundred times: Former 'WWE Diva Search' Contestant JT Tinney Brings on the Cleavage
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Today's Funny Photos
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The 15 Hottest Comedy Actresses on Television
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13 Funny Camping Photos
Camping is one of those activities that you either absolutely love or it's not your cup of tea. I happen to fall in the latter group, but I can still appreciate some camping humor. Here are several funny photos that are all pretty campy.
![funny camping photos, funny camping pics]()
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2015 Oscars Recap: The Funniest Photos, Tweets and GIFs From the 87th Academy Awards
Well, another Academy Awards ceremony has come and gone. "Birdman" was the big winner, but in this day and age that is only a small portion of what people are talking about. From outrage over Joan Rivers being left out of the In Memoriam tribute to speculation over what drug Terrence Howard was on, there was a lot more to take in at the 87th Oscars. Like this stuff:
John Travolta creeped everyone out by planting this kiss on Scarlett Johansson.
![john travolta groping scarlett johansson]()
Luckily the Internet was here to quickly pounce and make fun of the most awkward moment of the night with some truly fine Photoshop work.
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
![john travolta kissing scarlett johansson]()
But Travolta wasn't done there.
![john travola creepy, john travolta face touch]()
Comedian Ben Hoffman declares his big winner of the evening: Neil Patrick Harris' penis.
Everyone was pretty obsessed with Lady Gaga's outfit, specifically those damn gloves.
Director Wes Anderson does everything in his own peculiar way, even clapping.
John Travolta creeped everyone out by planting this kiss on Scarlett Johansson.
Luckily the Internet was here to quickly pounce and make fun of the most awkward moment of the night with some truly fine Photoshop work.
But Travolta wasn't done there.
- Roc (@ROCMODERNLIFE) February 23, 2015
Comedian Ben Hoffman declares his big winner of the evening: Neil Patrick Harris' penis.
- Ben Hoffman (@thebenshow) February 23, 2015
Everyone was pretty obsessed with Lady Gaga's outfit, specifically those damn gloves.
- K. Smith (@OfficialKLS) February 23, 2015
Director Wes Anderson does everything in his own peculiar way, even clapping.
Terrence Howard got pretty emotional for some reason. We think we know why.
As usual, Meryl Streep stole the show. Wait a minute, that's not Meryl Streep!
There she is, getting fired up about equal rights for women (along with J.Lo).
![]()
Jared Leto gets my vote for Best Dressed.
![jared leto dumb and dumber]()
Hey Oprah, we did it! We won for Best Song. High-five...PSYCH!
![common leaves oprah hanging]()
And finally, Will Arnett made an appearance as Batman wearing an actual former Batsuit (Val Kilmer's) for the live performace of "Everything is Awesome." It was actually pretty awesome.
![will arnett batman, will arnett everything is awesome]()
When you're presenting at the Oscars, but you start thinking about track 4 on that new Drake mixtape. pic.twitter.com/IhPBszPZfK
- Rob Fee (@robfee) February 23, 2015
As usual, Meryl Streep stole the show. Wait a minute, that's not Meryl Streep!
- elan gale (@theyearofelan) February 23, 2015
There she is, getting fired up about equal rights for women (along with J.Lo).
Jared Leto gets my vote for Best Dressed.
Hey Oprah, we did it! We won for Best Song. High-five...PSYCH!
And finally, Will Arnett made an appearance as Batman wearing an actual former Batsuit (Val Kilmer's) for the live performace of "Everything is Awesome." It was actually pretty awesome.
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The 10 Best Bands or Artists to Provide an Entire Film Soundtrack
Music is a very important aspect of life, and that goes doubly for motion picture soundtracks. Without music, certain scenes, moments, and especially montages would risk falling completely flat. The following list of the greatest bands and/or artists to provide the entirety of a movie soundtrack not only nail the tone of their content, but we'd be hard pressed to think of another who would have done it any better...eny bedder...eddie vedder...
Eddie Vedder, "Into the Wild" (2007)
![best one band soundtracks, eddie vedder into the wild]()
Is there an echo in here? Did someone say Eddie Vedder? OK, if you insist. Yes, the Pearl Jam frontman did put together the music for the 2007 Sean Penn directed "Into the Wild." The reason Vedder fit the film so well is simple: previous collaboration and having the material handed to him. Vedder had done songs for Penn's previous films "Dead Man Walking" and "I Am Sam," so the two were already comfortable working together. Furthermore, Penn showed him a rough cut of his movie prior to Vedder writing anything, and when you can visualize the subject matter for the music you are writing, half the battle is already won before it begins.
Daft Punk, "Tron: Legacy" (2010)
![best one band soundtracks, daft punk tron legacy]()
The "Tron: Legacy" soundtrack is a rare case of a film getting overshadowed by its score. But when you hire Daft Punk to do music for you, you almost have to expect that. Regardless of what you thought of the film, or if you saw it at all for that matter, it's hard to deny that the visuals are a perfect pairing with the French electric music duo's style. On top of that, the amount of detail that went into each song is a feat within itself. You can tell that the band worked very closely with director Joseph Kosinski and music supervisor Jason Bentley, and that's why it really stands out in the end. That, and the soundtrack going gold in three countries, of course.
Jack Johnson, "Curious George" (2006)
![best one band soundtracks, jack johnson curious george]()
Speaking of chart-topping soundtracks, let's switch gears to more family friendly fair for a second. Could there have been a better fit than coupling the most unoffensive soft rocker of our time with the most unoffensive children's book turned feature film? You don't even need to answer that, because the album did it for you. Not only was it the first soundtrack to top the charts in three years, but it was the first animated soundtrack to do so in 11 years. If that's not a match made in heaven, then we clearly have no idea what that phrase means.
Phil Collins, "Tarzan" (1999)
![best one band soundtracks, phil collins tarzan]()
While we're on the subject of perfect men for the job, let's talk about Phil Collins composing a Disney film for a second. The ex-Genesis singer turned solo artist can rock, sure, but his true talent is schmaltz, and that's exactly what makes a great Disney song. Sure enough, he wound up knocking it out of the park with his main track "You'll Be In My Heart" (as if there was any doubt he wouldn't), taking home a Grammy and even an Academy Award for his work. He totally deserved it, too. That song will make your eyes well up without even watching the movie.
AC/DC, "Iron Man 2" (2010) and "Maximum Overdrive" (1986)
![best one band soundtracks, ac/dc iron man 2]()
We weren't really sure if this counted as providing an entire soundtrack for a movie since no new AC/DC songs were actually recorded for "Iron Man 2," so we threw in "Maximum Overdrive" (which they at least recorded three new tunes for) to be safe. Not since the "Rocky" theme have a hero and a song gone as good together as Iron Man and "Shoot to Thrill." Yes, you're probably thinking "What about 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath?" Well, did "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath play Iron Man into his first fight scene in "The Avengers?" No, it did not. "Shoot to Thrill" did. What we're trying to say here is that while perhaps comprising an entire soundtrack of old music may not be especially creative, already established classic tunes will fit the bill much better under the right circumstance. Let's face it, Iron Man charging into battle to new AC/DC songs would have come off tacky, or at the very least disorienting and confusing.
Isaac Hayes, "Shaft" (1971)
![best one band soundtracks, isaac hayes shaft]()
On the flip side of "Iron Man 2," Shaft was a brand new movie hero in need of a funky fresh sound. Who better to provide it than soul man Isaac Hayes? Of course, there is a better reason than that why the score for "Shaft" is as good as it is. Originally, before Hayes knew Richard Roundtree had already been cast in the title role, he planned to use his score as a means to campaign for the role himself. Therefore, he probably worked on it a little harder than he would have if he knew he'd just be composing the theme for someone else. In any case, "Theme from Shaft" still wound up winning him an Academy Award and the soundtrack topped the charts, so clearly everything came together the way it was supposed to.
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, "The Social Network" (2010)
![best one band soundtracks, trent reznor atticus ross the social network]()
No one composes to the atmosphere quite like Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. While the two have gone on to do tremendous work on their collaborations for "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and "Gone Girl," it was their first attempt with "The Social Network" that served as the true test of whether they could hack it for a full film (Note: Reznor had actually attempted to score "One Hour Photo" before this, but the music didn't end up working right for the film). Sure enough, the intense yet reserved style they chose for Fincher's Facebook biography payed off, making it one of the best aspects of the movie (along with Jesse Eisenberg's performance, of course).
Queen, "Flash Gordon" (1980)
![best one band soundtracks, queen flash gordon]()
To be as blunt as possible, Queen could score a turd sitting on a window sill and it would sound amazing. So regardless of what you think of "Flash Gordon," everything Queen produced to score it was too good for it. Having said that, we should also mention that the band recorded several songs for the film "Highlander" six years later, only to have an official soundtrack for the film never be released. However, most of the songs from that film wound up on their album A Kind of Magic anyways, so no harm done. In the end, Queen was still a great fit for both films because it's Queen. Anything they touch is gonna pop, no matter how bad the source material would be without it.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "She's the One" (1996)
![best one band soundtracks, tom petty and the heartbreakers she's the one]()
This one's a bit trickier than most "soundtracks," as it was not only the score for Ed Burns' 1996 romantic comedy "She's the One," but simultaneously served as the ninth studio album for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, as well. As far as the legendary rocker's music is concerned, the album itself is "Petty as she goes" (we can't pass up a good pun) and serves as perfect mood setter for the film. Ultimately, however, considering the band went ahead and just considered it one of their albums along with being a soundtrack is more baffling than anything else. Thank God the dude can jam.
The Beatles, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (1978)
![best one band soundtracks, the beatles sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band]()
We figured we'd throw a curveball in right at the end because, well, frankly it's just fun to do that. And hey, all we said was that this was a list of bands that provided all the songs to a movie, and technically all the artists who sang on this album were covering The Beatles' tunes. We doubt we need to point out why their own music would be the perfect fit for their own movie, but if you didn't like our cheap trick, be sure to let us know in the comments, and tell us any of the other soundtracks done by one band or artist that you felt should have made the cut. We hope you enjoyed yourselves and maybe even learned something new today. Seriously, we'll take anything.
Eddie Vedder, "Into the Wild" (2007)
Is there an echo in here? Did someone say Eddie Vedder? OK, if you insist. Yes, the Pearl Jam frontman did put together the music for the 2007 Sean Penn directed "Into the Wild." The reason Vedder fit the film so well is simple: previous collaboration and having the material handed to him. Vedder had done songs for Penn's previous films "Dead Man Walking" and "I Am Sam," so the two were already comfortable working together. Furthermore, Penn showed him a rough cut of his movie prior to Vedder writing anything, and when you can visualize the subject matter for the music you are writing, half the battle is already won before it begins.
Daft Punk, "Tron: Legacy" (2010)
The "Tron: Legacy" soundtrack is a rare case of a film getting overshadowed by its score. But when you hire Daft Punk to do music for you, you almost have to expect that. Regardless of what you thought of the film, or if you saw it at all for that matter, it's hard to deny that the visuals are a perfect pairing with the French electric music duo's style. On top of that, the amount of detail that went into each song is a feat within itself. You can tell that the band worked very closely with director Joseph Kosinski and music supervisor Jason Bentley, and that's why it really stands out in the end. That, and the soundtrack going gold in three countries, of course.
Jack Johnson, "Curious George" (2006)
Speaking of chart-topping soundtracks, let's switch gears to more family friendly fair for a second. Could there have been a better fit than coupling the most unoffensive soft rocker of our time with the most unoffensive children's book turned feature film? You don't even need to answer that, because the album did it for you. Not only was it the first soundtrack to top the charts in three years, but it was the first animated soundtrack to do so in 11 years. If that's not a match made in heaven, then we clearly have no idea what that phrase means.
Phil Collins, "Tarzan" (1999)
While we're on the subject of perfect men for the job, let's talk about Phil Collins composing a Disney film for a second. The ex-Genesis singer turned solo artist can rock, sure, but his true talent is schmaltz, and that's exactly what makes a great Disney song. Sure enough, he wound up knocking it out of the park with his main track "You'll Be In My Heart" (as if there was any doubt he wouldn't), taking home a Grammy and even an Academy Award for his work. He totally deserved it, too. That song will make your eyes well up without even watching the movie.
AC/DC, "Iron Man 2" (2010) and "Maximum Overdrive" (1986)
We weren't really sure if this counted as providing an entire soundtrack for a movie since no new AC/DC songs were actually recorded for "Iron Man 2," so we threw in "Maximum Overdrive" (which they at least recorded three new tunes for) to be safe. Not since the "Rocky" theme have a hero and a song gone as good together as Iron Man and "Shoot to Thrill." Yes, you're probably thinking "What about 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath?" Well, did "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath play Iron Man into his first fight scene in "The Avengers?" No, it did not. "Shoot to Thrill" did. What we're trying to say here is that while perhaps comprising an entire soundtrack of old music may not be especially creative, already established classic tunes will fit the bill much better under the right circumstance. Let's face it, Iron Man charging into battle to new AC/DC songs would have come off tacky, or at the very least disorienting and confusing.
Isaac Hayes, "Shaft" (1971)
On the flip side of "Iron Man 2," Shaft was a brand new movie hero in need of a funky fresh sound. Who better to provide it than soul man Isaac Hayes? Of course, there is a better reason than that why the score for "Shaft" is as good as it is. Originally, before Hayes knew Richard Roundtree had already been cast in the title role, he planned to use his score as a means to campaign for the role himself. Therefore, he probably worked on it a little harder than he would have if he knew he'd just be composing the theme for someone else. In any case, "Theme from Shaft" still wound up winning him an Academy Award and the soundtrack topped the charts, so clearly everything came together the way it was supposed to.
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, "The Social Network" (2010)
No one composes to the atmosphere quite like Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. While the two have gone on to do tremendous work on their collaborations for "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and "Gone Girl," it was their first attempt with "The Social Network" that served as the true test of whether they could hack it for a full film (Note: Reznor had actually attempted to score "One Hour Photo" before this, but the music didn't end up working right for the film). Sure enough, the intense yet reserved style they chose for Fincher's Facebook biography payed off, making it one of the best aspects of the movie (along with Jesse Eisenberg's performance, of course).
Queen, "Flash Gordon" (1980)
To be as blunt as possible, Queen could score a turd sitting on a window sill and it would sound amazing. So regardless of what you think of "Flash Gordon," everything Queen produced to score it was too good for it. Having said that, we should also mention that the band recorded several songs for the film "Highlander" six years later, only to have an official soundtrack for the film never be released. However, most of the songs from that film wound up on their album A Kind of Magic anyways, so no harm done. In the end, Queen was still a great fit for both films because it's Queen. Anything they touch is gonna pop, no matter how bad the source material would be without it.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "She's the One" (1996)
This one's a bit trickier than most "soundtracks," as it was not only the score for Ed Burns' 1996 romantic comedy "She's the One," but simultaneously served as the ninth studio album for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, as well. As far as the legendary rocker's music is concerned, the album itself is "Petty as she goes" (we can't pass up a good pun) and serves as perfect mood setter for the film. Ultimately, however, considering the band went ahead and just considered it one of their albums along with being a soundtrack is more baffling than anything else. Thank God the dude can jam.
The Beatles, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (1978)
We figured we'd throw a curveball in right at the end because, well, frankly it's just fun to do that. And hey, all we said was that this was a list of bands that provided all the songs to a movie, and technically all the artists who sang on this album were covering The Beatles' tunes. We doubt we need to point out why their own music would be the perfect fit for their own movie, but if you didn't like our cheap trick, be sure to let us know in the comments, and tell us any of the other soundtracks done by one band or artist that you felt should have made the cut. We hope you enjoyed yourselves and maybe even learned something new today. Seriously, we'll take anything.
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The 11 Worst People In Your Office
If you work in an office, you hate every one of these people. And if you don't, it means you are one of these people, and that is just a terrible, terrible thing. Here are the worst people in your office.
![funny photos office people]()
The guy who responds to an e-mail with a face-to-face check in
Oh shit. He's coming over here. God damn it. I literally just need him to answer one "Yes" or "No" question so I can put the finishing touches on this month-long project I've been doing for him. (A project he's definitely going to take all the credit for anyway.) Now he's walking over here for clarification on my e-mail. But not really. Instead, he'll spend the next 15 minutes leaning over my cubicle telling me all about his weekend sledding trip with those insufferable twin boys of his. And when he walks away, you better believe I still won't have that "Yes" or "No" answer.
![funny photos worst people in the office]()
The lunch interrupter
For those of us who hate our jobs with a fiery passion and dread every waking moment of weekdays from 9 AM to 5 PM, the lunch hour (or way more frequently these days, half-hour), is our only solace. The lunch interrupter ruins those precious few moments of zen, eating a delicious burrito while reading The Onion, with one of two horrible conversation topics: 1) something about work or 2) something about himself. Both will make you consider intentionally trying to choke and die on whatever you're eating as he walks up to your desk.
![funny office photos]()
The loud phone talker
Look at you! You got a phone call! You're so important! You are aware of how phones work, right? The receiver picks up your voice and transmits it to the person you're talking to through wires. If you're in Los Angeles and talking to someone at the New York offices, you don't have to shout as if they're really 3,000 miles away. And yet, here you are, making the same "Working hard or hardly working?" jokes you make on every conference call for the entire office to hear. Bonus points to you for never noticing everyone within 8 cubicles of you put on their headphones the second you pick up the receiver to dial.
![funny photos office]()
The guy who bursts into your closed door office
If you're important enough to have an office, you hate this guy. This is the man who turns your closed office door into an open door policy. He sees you through the door window hunched over your computer with headphones in your ears and takes that as a sign to knock lightly and ask, "Is now a good time?" This man will never know proper closed-door office etiquette because he will never have an office of his own because everyone powerful enough to promote him hates him.
![funny photos work from home]()
The guy who works remotely
Working from home. Is there any bigger crock of shit in today's professional world? I love when they take 5 hours to respond to one of my e-mails and when they do they start it off with some bullshit like, "Sorry about the delayed response, I was bogged down with calls and meetings." No, you were definitely sitting in your underwear, catching up on 'Peaky Blinders' on Netflix. Come on, man. Get into the office and try to surreptitiously watch Netflix on your computer without getting caught by your boss like the rest of us.
![funny office people get paid more]()
Anyone above you
Let's face it, the people above you in the office are all idiots. You are smarter than them and they probably know it. But that doesn't really matter, does it? Because I bet just this week alone you've been assigned to do three huge projects by someone above you. And I bet all three are annoying tasks that were assigned to you for the sole purpose of taking that responsibility off of the person above you. And I also bet that all three of those tasks will wind up going completely unnoticed by the person who assigned them. They might not even open the email attachment when you submit it. But hey, enjoy working late tonight!
![late night emails]()
The super late at night e-mailer
"Bob, here, just sending this e-mail at 11:13 PM to remind everyone I am an important cog in this company. This e-mail has absolutely nothing of substance in it. But boy oh boy, does it have that time stamp. And that timestamp proves that I am always pouring my heart and soul and mind and body into this job and I should never, ever be laid off. In fact, I probably deserve a raise. Seriously, it's almost tomorrow and I'm still sending work e-mails. The only thing more annoying than this e-mail will be the one I send tomorrow morning at 6:13 AM with an addendum to this one."
![funny office lunch photos]()
The tuna salad eater
I don't really think this one needs much explanation, but let me put it this way: if you are a human and you want to eat something that smells like catfood, maybe you shouldn't do it within three feet of 10 other humans in an enclosed space with no windows and little ventilation.
![funny office photos conference call animals]()
The guy who can't figure out conference calls
"We're just waiting on Neil." Every conference call in the history of conference calls starts 5 minutes late because of this dipshit who can't work a phone. Come on, man. It's not that hard. Dial the number, then dial the extension and press pound. The only silver lining here: when the late caller finally does join the conference call, it's with a loud beep announcing his presence, which almost always results in the call leader asking them to identify themselves in shame for the whole group to hear.
![funny office photos reeces pieces]()
Kitchen guy
Jesus Christ. He's there again? I just want to re-fill my water bottle once in my life without having to get a scene-by-scene summary of last night's 'Better Call Saul' from this strange man who apparently doesn't ever have any work to do even though he spends more time at the office than anyone else here. How does he always know when I'm going to be in here, is he tracking my movements? Does he just work remotely from the kitchen? Does he even really have a job here? Does he only own one shirt? (I'm guessing the answers to those questions are as follows: yes, yes, no, yes.)
![funny photos bathroom stall]()
The guy in the bathroom who has no problem setting up shop in the stall right next to yours even though there are three other open stalls and then finishing up and flushing and exiting right as you do
There is no more awkward eye contact in the world than that eye contact in the mirror as you both wash your hands in silence next to each other.
The guy who responds to an e-mail with a face-to-face check in
Oh shit. He's coming over here. God damn it. I literally just need him to answer one "Yes" or "No" question so I can put the finishing touches on this month-long project I've been doing for him. (A project he's definitely going to take all the credit for anyway.) Now he's walking over here for clarification on my e-mail. But not really. Instead, he'll spend the next 15 minutes leaning over my cubicle telling me all about his weekend sledding trip with those insufferable twin boys of his. And when he walks away, you better believe I still won't have that "Yes" or "No" answer.
The lunch interrupter
For those of us who hate our jobs with a fiery passion and dread every waking moment of weekdays from 9 AM to 5 PM, the lunch hour (or way more frequently these days, half-hour), is our only solace. The lunch interrupter ruins those precious few moments of zen, eating a delicious burrito while reading The Onion, with one of two horrible conversation topics: 1) something about work or 2) something about himself. Both will make you consider intentionally trying to choke and die on whatever you're eating as he walks up to your desk.
The loud phone talker
Look at you! You got a phone call! You're so important! You are aware of how phones work, right? The receiver picks up your voice and transmits it to the person you're talking to through wires. If you're in Los Angeles and talking to someone at the New York offices, you don't have to shout as if they're really 3,000 miles away. And yet, here you are, making the same "Working hard or hardly working?" jokes you make on every conference call for the entire office to hear. Bonus points to you for never noticing everyone within 8 cubicles of you put on their headphones the second you pick up the receiver to dial.
The guy who bursts into your closed door office
If you're important enough to have an office, you hate this guy. This is the man who turns your closed office door into an open door policy. He sees you through the door window hunched over your computer with headphones in your ears and takes that as a sign to knock lightly and ask, "Is now a good time?" This man will never know proper closed-door office etiquette because he will never have an office of his own because everyone powerful enough to promote him hates him.
The guy who works remotely
Working from home. Is there any bigger crock of shit in today's professional world? I love when they take 5 hours to respond to one of my e-mails and when they do they start it off with some bullshit like, "Sorry about the delayed response, I was bogged down with calls and meetings." No, you were definitely sitting in your underwear, catching up on 'Peaky Blinders' on Netflix. Come on, man. Get into the office and try to surreptitiously watch Netflix on your computer without getting caught by your boss like the rest of us.
Anyone above you
Let's face it, the people above you in the office are all idiots. You are smarter than them and they probably know it. But that doesn't really matter, does it? Because I bet just this week alone you've been assigned to do three huge projects by someone above you. And I bet all three are annoying tasks that were assigned to you for the sole purpose of taking that responsibility off of the person above you. And I also bet that all three of those tasks will wind up going completely unnoticed by the person who assigned them. They might not even open the email attachment when you submit it. But hey, enjoy working late tonight!
The super late at night e-mailer
"Bob, here, just sending this e-mail at 11:13 PM to remind everyone I am an important cog in this company. This e-mail has absolutely nothing of substance in it. But boy oh boy, does it have that time stamp. And that timestamp proves that I am always pouring my heart and soul and mind and body into this job and I should never, ever be laid off. In fact, I probably deserve a raise. Seriously, it's almost tomorrow and I'm still sending work e-mails. The only thing more annoying than this e-mail will be the one I send tomorrow morning at 6:13 AM with an addendum to this one."
The tuna salad eater
I don't really think this one needs much explanation, but let me put it this way: if you are a human and you want to eat something that smells like catfood, maybe you shouldn't do it within three feet of 10 other humans in an enclosed space with no windows and little ventilation.
The guy who can't figure out conference calls
"We're just waiting on Neil." Every conference call in the history of conference calls starts 5 minutes late because of this dipshit who can't work a phone. Come on, man. It's not that hard. Dial the number, then dial the extension and press pound. The only silver lining here: when the late caller finally does join the conference call, it's with a loud beep announcing his presence, which almost always results in the call leader asking them to identify themselves in shame for the whole group to hear.
Kitchen guy
Jesus Christ. He's there again? I just want to re-fill my water bottle once in my life without having to get a scene-by-scene summary of last night's 'Better Call Saul' from this strange man who apparently doesn't ever have any work to do even though he spends more time at the office than anyone else here. How does he always know when I'm going to be in here, is he tracking my movements? Does he just work remotely from the kitchen? Does he even really have a job here? Does he only own one shirt? (I'm guessing the answers to those questions are as follows: yes, yes, no, yes.)
The guy in the bathroom who has no problem setting up shop in the stall right next to yours even though there are three other open stalls and then finishing up and flushing and exiting right as you do
There is no more awkward eye contact in the world than that eye contact in the mirror as you both wash your hands in silence next to each other.
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More Pages to Explore .....
