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The Funniest Stand-Up Comedian From Each State (But They Had To Be Born There Or We Excluded Them)

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You would think it would be easy to pick out the absolute funniest comedian from each state, but it turns out it's quite difficult. Especially because a lot of legendary comedians are from the same state.

So before you go getting all upset at the picks on the map below, take a look at our criteria to understand how we came to these selections:
  1. The comedian had to be BORN in the state. Even if it was only for 6 months of their lives. Things got too complicated once we starting looking into where people grew up.
  2. If a number of legendary comedians were all born in the same state, we watched some clips of each comedian doing stand up back to back and brought it to a vote. We wish we could've included more than one for some states.
  3. A few very popular comedians weren't even born in the U.S., so they were out of the running from the get go.
  4. We're very sorry about Larry the Cable Guy and Carrot Top. We really had no other options.
  5. States with X's. You seriously need to step up your funny game.
Now that that's out of the way, we look forward to your spiteful and angry comments. Here is a map of the funniest stand-up comedian from each state.

funny comedians, best comedians, funniest comedians

 

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Here's Yet Another Teacher Arrested For Sexually Abusing A Student

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Teachers are running amok it seems, and whether it was the teacher who had sex with a student while out on bail or the married teacher who hooked up with her student, some just enjoy doing more than teaching state capitols. Below is yet another female teacher arrested for inappropriate behavior.

News, 28 Year Old teacher Abuses Student
Michelle Yeh, a 28-year-old Los Angeles San Pedro High School teacher, was arrested after it was discovered that she was sexually abusing a 15-year-old student. The boy told authorities that Yeh "sexually abused him on several occasions."

According to the folks on ABC7:

"Yeh met the student while on a temporary teaching assignment at the school's science department. At the end of the 2014-2015 school year, Yeh "reached out" to the victim and arranged private meetings, where the sexual abuse allegedly took place."

"Investigators believe there may be additional victims since Yeh has held multiple temporary teaching assignments in the surrounding area and has also provided online tutoring."

Damn, Michelle, that is NOT what online tutoring is.

Yeh is out on $100,000 bond and is due back in court in August.

Via Death and Taxes

 

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The Most Hilarious Moments From The Masterpiece 'Sharknado 3'

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LOL! Our Favorite 'Sharknado 3' Moments

I'm sure it is difficult to choose the most hilarious moments from "Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!" since the entire movie series has been one big laugh fest, but the above clips are by far the most ridiculous and hilarious moments from the popular, campy shark movie that allowed Ian Ziering to not solely rely on paychecks from "Beverly Hills, 90210" reruns.

More: Check Out This Perfect Supercut Of Awful Special Effects In Movies

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

A Porn Star Has Built A Darth Vader Using Only Sex Toys

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With a new "Star Wars" film just a few months away, many people are getting hyped up about it in many different ways, including building a Darth Vader using nothing but sex toys.

Sex, Star Wars, Porn Star Builds Darth Vader Sex Toy Statue
Kayla-Jane Danger, a 29-year-old porn star, has taken her love of sex toys and used it to build a 7-foot-tall statue of the iconic villain. The statue is cleverly named "Darth Vibrader" and took plenty of sex toys to be built, including 200 vibrators, 10 paddles, a rubber fist (because why not?), two rows of anal beads (gotta have those), a whip and a handy dandy pair of "hooker boots," as Kayla puts it.

The entire statue has over $3,000 worth of sex toys on it and took over eight hours to build. One expensive orgasm it seems.

Sex, Star Wars, Porn Star Builds Darth Vader Sex Toy Statue
Even though she took time to erect (yes) this glorious statue, Kayla admits she wasn't a huge "Star Wars" fan growing up:

"It wasn't until my late teens that I could watch it without falling asleep. Plus, I used to get teased a lot because I would wear my hair Princess Leia-style. One of my friends wanted me to do that for this, but I said no."

Sex, Star Wars, Porn Star Builds Darth Vader Sex Toy Statue
I bet all those people who teased her about her hair must feel like a fool now.

For those interested in using Darth for pleasure, Kayla offers some tips:

"You could rub yourself on the light saber, or use the big strap-on in front. There are five bullet vibrators in his hands -- and those have more power than a Hitachi wand."

Sex, Star Wars, Porn Star Builds Darth Vader Sex Toy Statue
If you're interested in seeing this statue, it will be in Los Angeles in front of the Woodrocket.com headquarters.

Check out the video below to see Kayla and company go through the process of building "Darth Vibrader."


Via Huffington Post

 

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Belligerent Drunk Restrained With Seatbelts And Tape On Flight

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I know that drinking is fun and one should take advantage of liquor whenever it is provided, but if you're going to drink in a public place, especially on a flight, please don't act like a dick. Because if you do, passengers may take the matter into their own hands like they did with the guy below.

News, Drunk Man Restrained By Seatbelts On Plane
On a Siberia Airlines flight from Hong Kong to Vladivostok, Russia, a drunk man that crossed the line a tad too much and was being abusive towards his fellow passengers, had to be restrained by them using nothing but some tape and seatbelts.

The man remained restrained until the plane landed in Vladivostok, where he was detained by the authorities. As if landing in Russia couldn't be bad enough.

Watch video of the man being tackled by passengers, before being punched and kicked on the ground, below.


Next time, this man should just wait and get drunk alone in his hotel room like normal folks do.

Via Telegraph

 

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Wedding Photographer Shows Up Bride By Falling In Lake

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Wedding Photographer Falls Into Lake During Shoot

Well that's one way to steal the bride's thunder. You have to feel for this photographer who is more worried about halting the wedding than she is about herself. If you listen really closely you can hear the bride cursing the woman under her breath for ruining everything. (Just kidding...I think.)

And let's all give it up for the guy at the end of the clip who laughs at the camera. He's pretty much saying, "Yep, this is going viral."

 

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It's Quite Possible This Wife Was Just Busted For Cheating At A Baseball Game

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Cheating on people has been on the news a lot recently. First we have the Ashley Madison debacle, and now we have a woman who was caught texting her lover while sitting right beside her husband at a an Atlanta Braves baseball game. So stealth.

News, Funny, Woman Caught Cheating At Ballgame
Two teenaged girls were also at the game, when all of a sudden something a tad more entertaining began happening right in front of them: A woman started sexting with a man all while sitting next to her husband. The two girls then proceeded to do the logical thing and share it on social media.

One of the girls also decided to write out a little note to the unsuspecting husband (which you can see above) informing him of his wife's wrongdoings, and even leaving her number so that he can reach out to her for the incriminating pictures.

The lady tried to be clever by having the contact name as "Nancy," but then called the person "Mark Allen," and mentioned something about being "naked" and "laying on the ground." Damn, lady. That's hardcore.

cheating wife braves game, mark allen nancy
News, Funny, Woman Caught Cheating At Ballgame
I guess this is a nice case of karma. Oh no, not for cheating, but for wearing a visor.

If you're wondering if this story is fake or not, so are we. However, here's another instance last year of a woman being caught red handed at a sports event that proved to be true. I guess sports events make women all hot and bothered.

Via Bro Bible

 

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Road Raging Idiot Probably Regrets Punching Driver Armed With Aluminum Bat

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A motorcyclist weaving in and out of traffic recently learned the hard way that he was in fact not the king of Fitchburg, Massachusetts when he didn't realize the driver he punched was the proud owner of an aluminum bat.

Another motorist witnessed the biker and the driver of an SUV "exchange words" at a red light, so he told his daughter to start taking video as he followed the pair of perturbed drivers. The two came to a stop on a road off the main stretch, and that's when the magic happened.


It's unknown what the driver of the SUV is hitting for his Wednesday night bar league softball team, but by the looks of things, he has a great shot at being this summer's MVP. I mean, what power!

Hell, even the biker seemed to be impressed with his swing, as it looks like he gave him a little "touché" as his sorry ass made his way back to his bike. Hopefully, he fared better later in the day when he lied to his girlfriend about how he broke his arm.

h/t Barstool Sports

Oh, good. This rager is somebody's mom: Hawaii Mother Loses Her Mind During Epic Bout of Road Rage

 

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British Couple On Their Way To Buy Fish At Market Stop Off For Some Phone Booth Sex

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I guess sometimes the thought of fish reminds you of how much you enjoy sex with your girlfriend.

According to Metro, a British couple who said they were on their way to a garden center to buy some fish decided to make a detour for a quick shag in a phone booth recently. It wasn't quick enough, though, as a passerby managed to snap several photos of the two bumping uglies.

couple stops off for phone booth sex
couple stops off for phone booth sex
Another passerby who witnessed the lovebirds going at it in the Staffordshire town of Tamworth said that he expects behavior like that from dogs, but not from humans.

"There are loads of old people living near that phone box and use it to call friends and family," he said. "Who on earth will want to use it now?"


The answer? You guessed it: The very same couple.

Gavin Wain and Lisa Kerley returned to the love booth for a recent photo-op after talking to the media about their romp.

UK sex sesh in phone booth
The couple said they had a several bottles of booze from the supermarket before they decided to make their way to a fish store, and the hornballs decided to have a public plow sesh along the way because the alcohol eventually got the best of them.

"We were both in the mood and were just taken short as we passed the phone box," Kerley said. "We do like sex outdoors."

Um, no shit.

Hey, at least they didn't do it with a horse: Wisconsin Man Arrested for Performing Oral Sex on Horse

 

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Woman Finds Out Dude Cheated On Her And Destroys Everything He Owns (NSFW Language)

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So, did he cheat on her because she's bat shit crazy?

According to KMEL, a woman who recently found out her boyfriend cheated on her decided to get back at him by destroying everything he owns. And by everything, I mean everything, from the poor guy's once swanky couch and recliner set to his Dockers.


Hopefully, the landlord asked for a security deposit north of two grand.

There are many parts of this video that we're sure the guy's lawyer will have a field day with in court, but he's probably not going to need much more than the part where she recorded herself creating a slick walking surface while saying, "I hope you fall and crack your fucking head open."

And is that a baby stroller at the 18-second mark? Well, there's one more kid who has absolutely no shot at becoming a senator.

Maybe this is a better way of handling this situation: A Guy Surprised His Cheating Girlfriend on Her Birthday By Packing Up All Her Stuff

 

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Today's Funny Photos

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It's Friday which means it's time to stop doing any sort of work and get your funny photo on. You enjoy this batch and then remember not to do any work whatsoever. We'll be back to make you slightly less cranky once Monday roles around.










Click here for more funny photos.

























Click here for more funny photos.

 

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The 10 Most Incredible Body Paint Artists

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It's one thing to create a masterpiece on a piece of canvas -- that thing's flat and just sits there. But to paint something beautiful on the human body? Now that's a test of true artistry. We're here in the sweaty dog days of summer to pay tribute to the masters of body paint; the geniuses who create unforgettable images using the naked form as their canvas. Read on and learn about ten painters of flesh who accomplish some astounding things.

Johannes Stoetter


There are two schools of thought when it comes to body paint. One group aims to use their paint to accentuate the human form, while the other tries to hide it. Italian painter Johannes Stoetter finds himself solidly in the second camp. His insane, photorealistic renderings start with nude bodies and transform them beyond recognition into a variety of animals, plants and other natural objects. Some of Stoetter's pieces use multiple people as a massive canvas, sculpting the shape of their bodies as he decorates them with paint. (Photo Credit: via Johannes Stoetter)

Danny Setiawan

Body painting gets kind of a bad rap in fine art circles -- after all, rich people can't exactly buy a naked woman covered in paint and hang her on their wall. Oh, sure, they probably can in Russia, but that's beside the point. New York body paint artist Danny Setiawan aims to correct that with his prolific body of work. Many of Setiawan's pieces take classical masterworks by artists like Van Gogh and Picasso and transplant them to the human form. (Photo Credit: via Danny Setiawan)

Alexa Meade

Portraiture is one of the most well-known forms of painting, but the works of Alexa Meade give it a seriously unique twist. Meade uses the language of traditional portrait painting on the human body, turning real people into impressionistic versions of their real selves. Unlike many of the other artists on this list, she paints her subjects with their clothes on, extending the technique to fabric as well. Her work blurs the line between reality and image in a bizarre and fascinating way. (Photo Credit: Alexa Meade Youtube)

Craig Tracy

New Orleans artist Craig Tracy started out as a commercial illustrator and first experimented with body paint in 2002. It wasn't long before he became addicted to the possibilities, and in 2005 he opened up his own gallery to showcase his works. He claims that it's the only gallery in the world entirely dedicated to body painting. Tracy starts his process with the model, taking inspiration from the unique qualities of their bodies to inspire his painting. His ultra-realistic scenes of animals and natural wonders are marvelously detailed. (Photo Credit: via Artboom)

Gesine Marwedel

German artist Gesine Marwedel has an intimate relationship with the human body. In addition to her art career, she works as a speech and creative therapist, and believes that her work can help bridge the gap between a subject's inner and outer worlds. Her imagination is unmatched when it comes to body paint artists, combining incredible technical skill with a wide range of subject matter. Some of her work also incorporates brain-twisting optical illusions that will have you struggling to pick out where one body ends and another one begins. (Photo Credit: via Gesine Marwedel)

Karl Hammer

Starting his career as a photographer, Karl Hammer has long been looking for ways to expand his depictions of the human form. In recent years, he has turned to body paint to add visual detail and interest to his work. Eschewing representational designs, Hammer decks his models out in intricate repeating patterns that flatter their beautiful bodies. The final photographs that result are marvels of composition, providing a window into a surreal world a few degrees off from our own. (Photo Credit: via Karl Hammer)

Guido Daniele

One common thread among body painters is incredible technical skill. To work pigment into human skin instead of canvas requires more ability than the average Sunday painter brings to the table. Italian artist Guido Daniele is one of the world's most lauded photorealistic painters, able to recreate forms and textures with uncanny precision. That ability has led to global renown. (Photo Credit: via Guido Daniele)

Hikaru Cho

First coming to fame with the nickname "Chooo-san," Japanese body artist Hikaru Cho brings a surreal sci-fi sensibility to her work. She first started painting on her own body during her first year in art school, starting with creepily realistic eyes in weird places and moving on to optical illusions, cyberpunk body parts and more. She enlisted friends as models for a series of works where she painted buttons, seams and zippers on their skin and then "opened them up" to reveal their insides. Her work is incredibly imaginative, and she's always coming up with new tricks to fool the eye and make you think. (Photo Credit: via Hikaru Cho)

John Poppleton

Now that we've introduced the basic level of skill required to be a legend in the body paint world, let's get gimmicky. John Poppleton's art looks like it wouldn't be out of place on the side of the most intense "Hesher" van in the neighborhood -- you know, the one that smells like weed smoke 24/7? He's the creator of a technique that uses fluorescent paints that glow under UV light to make incredibly lurid, intense images on the bodies of his female models. Lightning strikes, vivid sunsets and other natural wonders are his subjects of choice, and they've never looked better. (Photo Credit: via John Poppleton)

Liu Bolin

If you've read this far, you probably consider body painting to be impressive, but a bit intellectually lightweight. However, there's at least one artist out there who uses body paint to craft a powerful cultural statement. Chinese artist Liu Bolin's "Lost In The City" series uses his own body as a model, finding backdrops in the world and then painting himself to perfectly blend in like a human chameleon. The end result is equal parts unsettling and amazing as you try to pick out hints of his presence. (Photo Credit: via Liu Bolin)

 

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10 Films That Had Directors Replaced By Lesser Known Directors

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It's hard not to get excited when you hear of a famous director's upcoming project. Correspondingly, when said director winds up either ditching or being removed from the project before it is completed (or in some cases, even begun), you can't help but feel slighted for having gotten your hopes up in the first place. This goes doubly if the director is swapped out for some nobody. While most of the replacements on this list could hardly be considered "nobodies," they certainly lacked the clout of their predecessors by comparison. For better or worse, here are 10 directors who got the job done when their more prominent counterparts stepped away.

"Ant-Man" (2015)
replaced film directors, ant-man edgar wright peyton reed
With comic book movies being as successful and high profile as they are these days, it was obviously noteworthy when Edgar Wright, famous for his Cornetto trilogy ("Shaun of the Dead," "Hot Fuzz" and "World's End") and prior comic book adaptation "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World," exited Marvel's "Ant-Man" back in May 2014. This was particularly shocking due to the fact that he had been developing the project since 2006, two years before the first official MCU film "Iron Man" was released. Alas, the breakup between the director and Marvel Studios was cited as "creative differences" and he was soon replaced by Peyton Reed, who was previously best known for movies like "Bring It On" and "Yes Man." Interestingly enough, a similar situation had happened to Reed in 2003 when he was attached to helm a "Fantastic Four" film with Fox. He would wind up being replaced by director Tim Story.

"Superman II" (1980)
replaced film directors, superman II richard donner richard lester
Keeping things in the superhero wheelhouse for a little longer, we have another instance of a film planned out far in advance which lost its famous director during production. Richard Donner, who would go on to direct such classics as "The Goonies," "Lethal Weapon" and "Scrooged" within a four-year span of each other, was roughly three-fourths of the way finished shooting "Superman II" when he had to begin post-production on the original film (they were shot back-to-back). However, instead of merely waiting for Donner to return and finish things up, the studio instead replaced him with "A Hard Day's Night" director Richard Lester. While the decision appeared to be for budgetary purposes, it was almost counterintuitive since in order to get full directing credit, Lester had to shoot at least 51 percent of the film. This meant that much of the material Donner had already shot was redone. Hence, the reason there is also a "Richard Donner Cut" of the film floating around out there.

"Brave" (2012)
replaced film directors, brave brenda chapman mark andrews
Pixar has become notorious for firing its original directors mid-production, but "Brave" in particular stands out for many reasons. First and foremost, it was supposed to be the first of the Pixar films to be directed by a woman. Sadly, even though the film's first director Brenda Chapman was considered a pioneer in the field of female animators, she was let go roughly a year before the movie's release. To make matters worse, not only was her dark and deeply personal take on the film replaced with more family-friendly fare, but she also had to wind up splitting the credit for the Oscar-winning film with replacement director Mark Andrews. Adding insult to injury, Chapman left Pixar to head Lucasfilm Animation. Guess what was acquired by Disney/Pixar shortly thereafter.

"Maleficent" (2014)
replaced film directors, maleficent tim burton robert stromberg
People were pretty excited for a live-action take on "Sleeping Beauty" villain Maleficent, especially when it was announced in 2011 that visionary director Tim Burton was loosely attached to make it. Heck, even Disney itself was so jonesed at the prospect of having Burton onboard that they hired his "Alice in Wonderland" screenwriter to helm this one, as well. Unfortunately, things on Burton's end wound up falling through, as he went on to direct the 2012 flop "Dark Shadows" instead. He was replaced on "Maleficent" by his "Alice in Wonderland" production designer Robert Stromberg. If that's not literally a downgrade, then we don't know what it.

"Interstellar" (2014)
replaced film directors, interstellar steven spielberg christopher nolan
In using the phrase "lesser-known," we knew there was bound to be some debate on the matter at some point. Enter "Interstellar," which was directed by none other than Christopher Nolan of "The Dark Knight Trilogy" fame. Who could have possibly been previously attached to create this sci-fi epic who's more famous than the man behind Batman's 21st-century cinematic incarnation? Steven Spielberg was originally meant to take the reigns on the project, having been developing it alongside screenwriter Jonathan Nolan since 2006. However, when DreamWorks struck a distribution deal with Disney, Spielberg became unavailable. Therefore, a new director was needed. The brotherly connection between screenwriter and future director helped fill that void quite nicely.

"The Snowman" (pending release date)
replaced film directors, the snowman martin scorsese tomas alfredson
When Martin Scorsese is throwing his hat in as director of a movie, you know that it will be worth however long it takes him to make it. (Let's face the facts, he's a busy guy.) So when one of his projects falls through, it can be a bit of a letdown. Luckily, that doesn't appear to be the case for the upcoming adaptation of crime novel "The Snowman" by Jo Nesbø. While Scorsese may no longer be directing like he said he was back in 2011, the project is still in good hands now that "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" director Tomas Alfredson is on the job. Plus, Scorsese is still executive producing, so consider that a bonus.

Untitled Tupac Shakur Biopic (pending release date)
replaced film directors, tupac shakur biopic john singleton carl franklin
We swear this is the last film we'll cover that hasn't actually been released yet, but come on, we gotta keep things fresh. Once again, the basic story here is another matter of "creative differences," but with a twist. The creative differences in this instance appear to boil down to a matter of integrity on the part of former director John Singleton, whose previous work includes "Boyz n the Hood" and "Poetic Justice," the latter of which starred the late Tupac Shakur in the flesh. Upon his departure from the already long-delayed project in early April, which was supposed to begin shooting in June, Singleton has pointed the finger at Morgan Creek Productions, saying on Instagram, "How you gonna make a movie about a man when you suing his mother to get the rights to tell his story?! They have no true love 4 Pac so this movie will not be made with love!" He goes on to say that he plans to make a Tupac biopic of his own in the near future. In the meantime, the Morgan Creek version is set to begin filming this coming August or September with "Devil in the Blue Dress" director Carl Franklin now leading the charge.

"Exorcist: The Beginning" (2004)
replaced film directors, exorcist the beginning john frankenheimer paul schrader renny harlin
Not to slander a production company with whom we have no business, but it appears Morgan Creek has a bit of a reputation for ineptness when it comes to their properties. At least, if these last two director replacement stories are to be believed. Long before the Tupac biopic was even in development, Morgan Creek hired famed director John Frankenheimer to helm a prequel to the 1973 horror classic "The Exorcist," due to its rerelease having been a major success. Once Frankenheimer fell ill and died prior to completing shooting, however, they replaced him with Paul Schrader, who had famously written both "Taxi Driver" and "Raging Bull." After spending $30 million to complete the film, Morgan Creek decided upon Schrader's final cut that it wasn't commercial enough, so they hired a new writer/director duo in the form of Alexi Graham and Renny Harlin, respectively, to give it another go. The new film cost $50 million and debuted to critical panning, only pulling in $78 million worldwide. Schrader's version was released under the title of "Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist" less than a year later, but both versions were so similar that it hardly seemed worth it.

"The 13th Warrior" (1999)
replaced film directors, the 13th warrior john mctiernan michael crichton
"The 13th Warrior" was a lot like "Exorcist: The Beginning" in that it had two competing directors, but there was a lot more bad blood between them by the time the film was released. John McTiernan, who was known at the time for directing "Die Hard," was originally slated to direct an adaptation of the Michael Crichton novel "Eaters of the Dead." However, once Disney saw what he had shot and test screenings were collectively negative, they brought in Crichton himself to clean things up. This didn't sit well with McTiernan, as Crichton chopped up his version of the film so much that it was virtually unrecognizable, even replacing the original score by Graeme Revell with a new version by Jerry Goldsmith. Needless to say, the name of the film itself was eventually changed altogether, as well. Things got so ugly between the two that at one point each man was shooting their own version of the film's ending on the same lot. Ultimately, Crichton was named replacement director for McTiernan, but the credits still remained the same, most likely due to that whole 51 percent rule we mentioned in the "Superman II" section.

"Moneyball" (2011)
replaced film directors, steven soderbergh bennett miller
This one was a mess from the get-go but somehow ended well, which is why it caps off our list. Originally planned as a documentary-style drama starring mostly actual ballplayers in 2009, it was dropped by Columbia Pictures just days before famed director Steven Soderbergh was to begin shooting. Producer Brad Pitt was also apparently not happy with the script even though it was written by Aaron Sorkin, and called in Academy Award-winning screenwriter Steve Zaillian to fix it. (Side note: Zaillian had originally written a draft of the script before Sorkin replaced him initially.) Once the script was in place, Pitt then hired "Capote" director Bennett Miller to get the film back on its feet. To say that he eventually got it to a good place would be an understatement, as it went on to be nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

 

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Celebrate National Tequila Day With These Delicious Selections

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In case you were not aware, today is National Tequila Day. And because it falls on a Friday, we're thinking you should just make it a National Tequila Weekend. In order to do so, we'd like to give you a few suggestions, selections and cocktail recipes for your enjoyment. Feel free to celebrate by trying one of these today or feel free to really celebrate by trying all of them.

Milagro Tequila

This award-winning tequila from captures the true essence of the spirit's origin, the blue agave, providing a bursting flavor of freshness with the smoothness of a world-class spirit. We had the opportunity to try both Milagro Silver ($24.99-29.99) and Milagro Reposado ($28.99-33.99) and enjoyed both immensely this week. The Silver was crisp, clear and incredibly smooth while the Reposado had a more robust flavor with strong hints of oak and agave.

Milagro Tequila Cocktail Suggestions:
In addition to being enjoyed neat or in the "World's Freshest Margarita," Milagro's exceptional flavor is a versatile base for cocktail aficionados. Each of Milagro's six variants and latest product innovation works seamlessly in a variety of inventive cocktails. Here are a few we suggest you try.


Don Juliio Reposado
1639ld_B9 004
Don Julio Reposado ($50) is a rich, smooth tequila with a splendid golden amber color and a fine premium flavor. It has incredibly soft and elegant hints of dark chocolate, vanilla and light cinnamon balance with subtle notes of pear and apple for a lightly honeyed and caramelized smooth flavor.

Cocktail Suggestions: We prefer this one neat or over ice, but as a very close second, we recommend using it to make yourself a Paloma (recipe below).

Ingredients and mixing instructions:
  • 1.5 oz Don Julio(R) Reposado Tequila
  • 3 oz. grapefruit juice
  • 1 splash simple syrup
  • 1 splash club soda
  • 1 piece lime wedge
Add ice in a highball glass and squeeze a lime over the ice.
Add Don Julio Reposado, grapefruit juice, a splash of simple syrup and a splash of club soda.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

1800 Tiki Cocktails
We're officially halfway into summer, and if you are a little margarita'd out, hang on to every last minute of warmth and sunshine by mixing up the quintessential warm-weather drink: a tiki cocktail. Now, 1800 Tequila has worked exclusively with legendary NYC-based bartender Rob Krueger who developed an amazing roster of tiki cocktails inspired by 1800 Coconut. These nostalgic yet out of the ordinary, delicious tiki classics will keep your mind solidly in the land of sun and sand.

Mona Se Queda (Inspired by the Daiquiri)
1800 tequila cocktails, tiki cocktails
Translates roughly as "The Monkey Stays Itself" and comes from the expression "La mona aunque se vista de seda, mona se queda," meaning "Even though a monkey changes its clothes, it stays a monkey."

Ingredients:
1 3/4 oz 1800 Coconut 1 oz Banana Liqueur
1 oz Fresh Lime Juice
Freshly Grated Nutmeg (for garnish)

Preparation:
Combine all in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake well. Fine strain into a chilled cocktail glass or Daiquiri glass. Grate nutmeg over the top for garnish.


San Lucas Sling (Inspired by the Singapore Sling)
1800 tequila cocktails, tiki cocktails
The cocktail is a play on the classic Singapore Sling. Cabo San Lucas seemed an appropriately exotic and tropical place to reference.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 oz 1800 Silver
2 1/2 oz Pineapple Juice 1/2 oz Benedictine
1/2 oz Lime Juice
3/4 oz Cherry Brandy
Pineapple Leaf Brandied Cherry (for garnish)

Preparation:
Combine all except cherry brandy in a cocktail shaker and shake well with ice. Strain into a hurricane or tiki glass filled with ice. Drizzle the Cherry Heering over the top of the drink and garnish.


Coco Paradiso (Inspired by the Hurricane)
1800 tequila cocktails, tiki cocktails
The name itself just sounds good!

Ingredients:
1 1/2 oz 1800 Coconut
1/2 oz White Creme de Cacao
1/2 oz Fresh Lime Juice
1 1/2 oz Unsweetened Passion Fruit Juice (Ceres)
A Pinch of Finely Ground Coffee and a Slice of Lime (for garnish)

Preparation:
Combine all in a shaker and shake with one cube to mix. Strain into a hurricane glass and fill with ice, gently swizzling to fully chill the glass. To garnish, add a pinch of ground coffee on top and slice of lime.

 

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This Is An 8,789 Calorie Pizza Because We Aren't Afraid Of Death

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One of the pros of being a human being is the chance to eat pizza whenever you want because pizza is glorious and no one can tell me otherwise. But the pizza below is a creation that challenges you to see if you can beat death. Take a look at what a pizza that has 8,789 calories looks like.

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Pizza, 8789 Calorie Pizza

Via Sad And Useless

 

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Secrets About The Porn Industry Are Revealed

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While there are all sorts of porn out there -- "different strokes for different folks" really comes into play -- one thing is for sure: making porn takes a lot of work that the normal viewer has no idea about. Recently, someone posted the topic "Porn Actors of Reddit, what is something [that] viewers REALLY don't know?" on AskReddit, and just like that a bunch of people connected to the porn industry came out to reveal some secrets. Check out some of them below and never look at porn the same way again.

Porn Industry Secrets Revealed, Reddit
This porn star reveals that it's tough to always be up and ready for the task:

"Guy here.

It's actually pretty hard to get an maintain an erection on set. Making porn is pretty unsexy. Sometimes they use fake jizz. Not all the time, but sometimes for creampie stuff. Sometimes the actresses do orgasm for real. Sometimes it's 100 percent performance."

"The on-the-street stuff is actually filmed on the street. They don't have a plan or permit for it, just go and get it done before people start asking questions. All performers have to sign papers and do contracts, so the girls they randomly pick up off the street were planted there from the start."

Porn Industry Secrets Revealed
And this porn star wants to make sure he plugs Viagra so he can get some cash on the side:

"I've been a male porn actor for two years now, I've starred in some pretty professional stuff that went mainly to Bangbros. A porn video usually takes quite a bit longer to make than the video lasts. So even before we start the video, we do the picture shoot. This is done separately to the video and I have to get into all the positions we are going to do and stay still from 20-50 seconds, which is really f*cking awkward, like no movement nothing. This is why I have to take Viagra before I get to work, it's hard work staying hard. Also the girl usually has a ton of lubricant for the picture bit because it's not really like sex."

"The videos themselves are mostly smooth, but we sometimes stop to wipe sweat off or have a drink. What sometimes happened once or twice was that I popped too early into the video, and I had to take more Viagra and keep going because the shoot had to be finished within a certain time. That was really unpleasant, guys would know this that after you cum you have no more sexual drive for a while and stimulation is generally not so good."

Porn Industry Secrets Revealed
Apparently, gals on set are grateful for catering:

"I remember being hungry a lot because I'd worry about being bloated on camera etc. ... there was one time I was filming and the director kept telling me off for staring at a plate of sandwiches for the crew."

"That's when I realized porn wasn't my vocation in life and that I preferred a nice ham and cheese triangle-cut sandwich over money and dick ... and I love dick."

And in case you ever wanted to work on a porn set, know this:

"One of my first jobs I had to work on a porn set (not as an actress, just doing stuff around the stage). Most people do not realize how bad the smell is on set. It's f*cking horrible, especially when shooting fetish porn scenes. It just smells of sweat, piss and pussy. If that's what you are into, I highly suggest working on a porn set."

Sex, Porn Industry Secrets Revealed
A very important fact from a porn star:

"We undergo a rigorous testing protocol called the PASS system in which we are tested every two weeks for a whole panel of the best STD tests on the market. Porn stars have a lower incidence of HIV than the general population."

And of course, here's why you shouldn't think porn is a realistic portrayal of real life sex:

"Adult actress here. I know people say they know this -- but viewers really don't understand how LONG it takes to film a video and how FAKE it all is. I've been in over forty pornos, they're usually half an hour or so long for each scene. But I'm on set for anywhere from 5-12 hours. Also, I know it's not the hardest job in the world and I'm not going to sit here and say it's rocket science but this job is NOT cut out for everyone. It's extremely physically and mentally demanding. I know plenty of women who couldn't cut it physically -- you are putting your body through A LOT for each shoot at least four times a week (not to mention if you do a lot of anal scenes like myself). And as anyone can guess -- a lot of performers are not mentally stable."

"I think getting into this industry without a good head on your shoulders is dangerous. Another thing you don't consider -- the paperwork to even start creating porn is insane. I have to fill out a million forms AND be filmed on video BEFORE and AFTER answering questions like if I'm there of my own free will or if I'm on drugs or anything. Also, don't be one of those idiots who expects your SO to do everything you see in a porno. If it looks like we're holding that crazy f*cking position for five minutes -- it's more like 30-second clips. I'll ask for a cut, go smoke a cigarette, stretch, slap some lube on and get back in it."

Via Uproxx

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

More very funny tweets can be found right here.

 

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London Woman Photographed With What Looks Like a Huge Pink Sex Toy in Her Bag

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Or it could be a pink bottle of champagne. Or even better, both.

According to the Daily Mail, either a completely innocent woman or a British gal who wanted the world to know that she is one kinky woman was photographed with what looks like a giant pink dildo protruding from her backpack while she was waiting for a train in London yesterday.

woman with dildo in backpack waiting for train in London
Fellow mass transit user Stef Barry snapped the photo while she was waiting for her train and later posted it to her Facebook page. Hundreds of users left comments speculating exactly what was poking out of this young lady's backpack.

Some users thought the object was something "totally innocent" like an umbrella or bottle of champagne. Another user guessed that it was a stun gun, but we've never had one used on us that looks like a penis.

The real answer may never be known unless the woman herself responds to the Facebook post. Although, it would be a lot easier to pinpoint what it is if we knew whether she was reading the Holy Bible while waiting for her train or "Fifty Shades of Grey."

If that is what we think it is, you shouldn't use it while driving: Woman Too Busy Using Sex Toy In Traffic Crashes Into Van

 

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Guess The Celebrity Batman Game

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With the new "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice" trailer dropping recently, it has us asking a lot of questions. Namely, if the world is on red alert due to an alien flying around blowing up entire cities, how has no one figured out that the dude at the Daily Planet with the thick glasses -- who otherwise looks exactly like him -- isn't Superman? We know, that's simply a "Superhero Question We May Never Get a Straight Answer To," but it also got us thinking: Is Batman's disguise that much better? After all, his alter ego is Bruce Wayne, Gotham City's most popular billionaire. You'd think everyone would know his face well enough to recognize that dimpled chin anywhere. So we decided to put it to the test, only instead of using popular billionaires, we've swapped it for famous celebrities who narrowly missed out on playing the Caped Crusader on the big screen. These are all people whose faces we know well, so let's see how easy it is to identify them underneath a cape and cowl. An answer key will be provided for you at the bottom of the page, so keep track of your guesses. Best of luck.

1. What famous actor is that under the mask?
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

2.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

3.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

4.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

5.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

6.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

7.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

8.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

9.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

10.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

11.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

12.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

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guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

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guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

15.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

16.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

17.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

18.
guess the batman game, celebs with batman masks

Well, how did you do? Scroll down for all the answers!

Answer Key:

1. Bill Murray
famous actors

2. Mel Gibson
famous actors

3. Alec Baldwin
famous actors

4. Charlie Sheen
famous actors

5. Ethan Hawke
famous actors

6. Johnny Depp
famous actors

7. Daniel Day-Lewis
famous actors

8. David Duchovny
famous actors

9. Jake Gyllenhaal
famous actors

10. Henry Cavill
famous actors

11. Joshua Jackson
famous actors

12. Ashton Kutcher
famous actors

13. Heath Ledger
famous actors

14. Josh Brolin
famous actors

15. Ryan Gosling
famous actors

16. Jensen Ackles
famous actors

17. Joe Manganiello
famous actors

18. Tom Selleck
famous actors

 

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