Friends Prank Sleeping Passenger By Stuffing His Mouth With Twizzlers

July 30, 2015, 7:17 am

≫ Next: This Is Why Asking The Internet To Photoshop Anything For You Is Always A Good Idea

≪ Previous: Dan Bilzerian Just Spent 650K On A Party Because You Should Always Live On The Edge

$

0

0

When their buddy (some poor bastard named Micah) passed out in the backseat mid-road trip, these friends took the opportunity to stuff as many Twizzlers as they could into his gaping mouth. They got to 11 Twizzlers before he finally woke up with a mouthful of delicious treats.

More funny videos: Girlfriend Busted Farting In Boyfriend's Car By Dashcam

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

This Is Why Asking The Internet To Photoshop Anything For You Is Always A Good Idea

July 30, 2015, 7:59 am

≫ Next: Michigan Man Got Buck Naked At A Meat Counter

≪ Previous: Friends Prank Sleeping Passenger By Stuffing His Mouth With Twizzlers

$

0

0

While we all remembered what occurred when a guy asked the Internet to Photoshop a picture of his girlfriend, the results might be even better when another guy wanted the Internet to Photoshop a picture of a model wearing a rainbow swimsuit.


A Redditor posted a picture of a model in a rainbow swimsuit looking out majestically, but of course that wasn't interesting enough, so he asked the Internet to help make the picture even better. Here's what the wonderful world wide web came up with.
















Via The LadBible

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Michigan Man Got Buck Naked At A Meat Counter

July 30, 2015, 9:07 am

≫ Next: Epic Charlotte Burger King Brawl Features Chair Throwing And Pipes To The Face (NSFW Language)

≪ Previous: This Is Why Asking The Internet To Photoshop Anything For You Is Always A Good Idea

$

0

0

On second thought, kids, let's just go home and order some pizza.

According to the New York Daily News, a 61-year-old Novi man walked into a local Kroger grocery store last Saturday and made his way toward the meat counter.

And because he was butt-ass naked, the only thing between his man meat and some choice steaks was a thin sheet of display glass.


Even in Michigan these days, leaning against the glass deli case while you're buck naked is frowned upon, and police were called to the store. When they arrived on the scene, they said it was obvious that the man was having a "medical episode," and they quietly escorted his naked ass out of the store in handcuffs.


It's unknown if charges will be brought against the man, as there were no signs of alcohol or drug use.

It's also unknown if they're going to bestow the protective glass with some kind of heroism award because let's be honest: Never before had it been more necessary.

Well, now you're definitely not getting on the plane: Man Pissed About Overbooked Flight Strips Naked

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Epic Charlotte Burger King Brawl Features Chair Throwing And Pipes To The Face (NSFW Language)

July 30, 2015, 10:18 am

≫ Next: Listen To This Moron Call 911 Because His Girlfriend's Cat Ate His Bacon

≪ Previous: Michigan Man Got Buck Naked At A Meat Counter

$

0

0

I've seen people lose their minds at Burger King because the Diet Dr. Pepper on the soda fountain tasted flat and the onion rings on the Rodeo Burger were "too moist."

But neither of those were the reason behind a recent lunchtime brawl at the Burger King on Nations Road in Charlotte. The culprit this time around? One of the employees was humping some dude other than her husband.


The best part of the clip other than the reveal at the end that a woman working at Burger King is in high demand has to be the guy who is still trying to eat his value meal left on top of the trash can and telling everybody to "stop looking amazed" because "it's going down."

On a side note, maybe the reason why it takes the police so long to show up to these things is because instead of using our phones to "dial the coppers," we're all using them as cameras so we can get those three million hits on YouTube, baby.

h/t LiveLeak

It would have taken more than a metal pipe to bring this guy down: McDonald's Employee Goes Completely Insane After Getting Fired (NSFW Language)

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Listen To This Moron Call 911 Because His Girlfriend's Cat Ate His Bacon

July 30, 2015, 10:31 am

≫ Next: Today's Funny Photos

≪ Previous: Epic Charlotte Burger King Brawl Features Chair Throwing And Pipes To The Face (NSFW Language)

$

0

0

That must have been one hell of a pig.

According to Huffington Post, some chap in West Yorkshire, UK recently called Britain's 999 emergency telephone number because his girlfriend let her cat eat his bacon, and naturally, he wanted to press charges against both of them.

Thankfully, the British record all emergency phone calls just like their American counterparts, and the whole world gets to listen to his sorry ass because of it.


The lad was obviously distraught enough to call 999 in the first place, but he sounded almost as dejected as a kid who finds out Santa Claus is a farce when the operator told him that it wasn't a crime for a feline to chow on some swine and that West Yorkshire police officers aren't in the business of arresting cats, even though he desperately reminded her that his "girlfriend allowed the cat to do it."

Hello, 911? Yeah, my wife stole my cocaine: Ohio Man Called 911 Because He Thought His Wife Stole His Cocaine

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Today's Funny Photos

July 30, 2015, 11:01 pm

≫ Next: Photos Censored For No Reason Are Way More Entertaining Than The Original

≪ Previous: Listen To This Moron Call 911 Because His Girlfriend's Cat Ate His Bacon

$

0

0

It's Friday which means you have absolutely no desire to do any sort of work. Lucky for you, we have the best way to begin not doing work: today's funny photos. They're guaranteed to increase procrastination by 80%. So get to it and remember, enjoy yourself.











See more funny photos right here.





















See more funny photos right here.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Photos Censored For No Reason Are Way More Entertaining Than The Original

July 31, 2015, 12:50 am

≫ Next: The 10 Most Insane Monster Truck Accidents

≪ Previous: Today's Funny Photos

$

0

0

A photo might be entertaining and interesting to begin with, but censoring it just because immediately makes it far more entertaining. What's better than allowing our awful perverted minds wonder what could be under those pixels? Take a look at some photos that were censored for no particularly good reason at all.




































Via Izismile

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

The 10 Most Insane Monster Truck Accidents

July 31, 2015, 12:50 am

≫ Next: 21 VHS Tapes You Most Likely Had In Your Childhood Collection

≪ Previous: Photos Censored For No Reason Are Way More Entertaining Than The Original

$

0

0

There are few vehicles quite as American as the monster truck. Take a gas-guzzling pickup and then shoot it up with steroids, making it the size of a New York City apartment, then let it loose in a pit of mud to crush other cars, and you've got a national pastime that makes baseball look like a bunch of sissies standing around. But with great power comes great potential for chaos, and monster trucks go out of control more often than you'd think. In this feature, we'll share ten giant truck accidents that made headlines.

Tacoma, Washington

When you're crushing cars, it's kind of a given that a good deal of debris is going to be generated. However, that debris is also supposed to stay in the stands. That wasn't the case in 2009 at a Monster Jam show in the Tacoma Dome, when a Frisbee-sized piece of metal went flying off of the Natural High truck as it did doughnuts on the arena floor. That chunk of steel made a graceful and terrible arc right into the skull of nine year old Sebastian Hizey, killing him instantly. Bizarrely, the five-day Monster Jam run at the Dome went on as scheduled, with sold-out seats and a moment of silence at the beginning of the next show for the dead boy.

Dekalb, Illinois

For some abstruse reason, auto parts stores really love to bring monster trucks in for events. The Napa Auto Parts chain held a national truck tour in 2007 where they dispatched a group of massive vehicles to stores across the country, only to discover that parking lots aren't always the safest places to crush cars. About 100 people came out to the event at the DeKalb store where a driver was scheduled to roll over a quartet of automobiles, but things started to go wrong pretty quickly as he was unable to surmount them all. On his last pass, the driver hit the gas a little too hard and the truck went flying into the air and through the throng of spectators, injuring nine people including a three year old girl before smashing through a fence and getting stalled on railroad tracks.

Madison, Wisconsin

2009 was a rough year for monster trucks, as several accidents shook the sport. One of the most shocking happened in Madison, Wisconsin at the Motor Sports Monster Truck and Thrill Show. Promoter George Eisenhart Jr, who had been in the auto show business for the better part of two decades, was stepping onto the floor at the Alliant Energy Center in his role as MC to close the show out. Unfortunately, a truck named Samson was driving out of the field at the same time. Jacked ten feet high in the air, Samson's driver never saw Eisenhart until the crowd started screaming, and by then it was too late. He was killed immediately.

Virginia Beach, Virginia

It's one thing to be in the stands at a monster truck show, but to actually ride in the truck? Hard pass. Back in the day, though, that was a thing that they let people do. In 1998, twelve passengers were riding in the bed of the Grave Digger truck at an event in Oceanfront Beach in Virginia. The driver decided to do some "high speed turns" and, quite naturally, the passengers didn't make out too well. Grave Digger flipped over on the sand, trapping the passengers inside it. One woman, Joy Kubitza, found her right arm caught between the truck and the ground, and it was damaged so badly that she will never regain functionality in it and lives with constant, crippling pain.

Galesburg, Michigan

There's something about monster truck shows that makes people feel like they have to get close to the action, no matter what. Safety regulations mandate a significant distance between the trucks and the spectators, as well as at least one layer of barricades between the two, but when you're talking about a truck that can drive over just about anything those barricades don't really do much. In 1992, a race at the Galesburg Motor Speedway in Michigan went horribly wrong when a speeding truck left the track and headed straight into the crowd after jumping a row of cars. The truck landed oddly on its left wheel, causing it to change direction rapidly, jump a three-foot wall and crash into the grandstand. A six year old boy was killed and over a dozen more injured.

Haaksbergen, Netherlands

As much as we love monster trucks here in the States, they've become a truly global phenomenon. In 2014, attendees at an annual motor show in the Netherlands town of Haaksbergen were elated to see a giant truck smash its way over a row of five parked cars. They were less elated when the truck's brakes gave out, sending it careening into the assembled crowd. Only a small fence stood between the rampaging vehicle and the audience, and it crushed it like a bundle of twigs. Three people were killed in the carnage and at least 20 more injured. The aftermath saw the driver charged with manslaughter and the mayor of Haaksbergen resign his position.

Dallas, Texas

Not all monster truck accidents take place as part of a show. Although it's expensive and obnoxious to drive a huge jacked-up truck on the street, people do it. And when you consider that everything's bigger in Texas, it should come as no surprise that the Lone Star State has lots of civilian monster trucks. In 2011, one such driver, Eric Crutchfield, staggered out of the Spearmint Rhino strip club in Dallas several drinks over the limit. He clambered into his enormous vehicle and put it in gear, unaware that a woman named Kasey McKenzie was directly in front of him. She was crushed to death beneath his tires and he couldn't see a thing because he was too far off the ground. McKenzie's family won a wrongful death lawsuit and were awarded $10.5 million.

Niagara Falls, NY

Monster trucks are famous for having evocative, slightly threatening names, but maybe the driver of "Bad Medicine" should rethink his. At a show at the Niagara Falls Convention Center in 1982, that truck was racing Taurus when the driver of Bad Medicine, Don Van Loo, was knocked unconscious. His jacked-up vehicle kept on going right into the bleachers. Seven people were injured and one man died - 82 year old Lester Gilliam, who in his last act on Earth grabbed a ten year old boy and threw him out of the path of the truck, saving his life.

Claremore, Oklahoma

It's a true tragedy when a truck loses control and kills a bunch of spectators. But how would you feel if your monster truck ended the life of your best friend? That's what happened to driver Thomas Meents during a race in 1994 at the Claremore Speedway when he lost control of his jacked-up truck and flipped it on a pile of hay bales. At the end of his truck's trajectory was Mike Hickerson, Meents' best friend in the entire world, who took the whole impact on his body and died of a broken neck at the scene. Five others were injured as well.

Chihuahua, Mexico

They like monster trucks south of the border as well, but an incident at an air show in Chihuahua, Mexico left a sour taste in the audience's mouth. Driver Francisco Velasquez was doing jumps over cars when he took a sharp turn and his helmet fell off, driving his skull into the frame of his vehicle. He lost consciousness with his foot on the gas, and what happened next should come as no surprise. Velasquez's truck plowed right into a crowd of spectators, who were standing in the pit area in violation of the show's rules. There was no safety barrier in between, so the carnage was indescribable. Nine people lost their lives and many more suffered horrible injuries. Velasquez was charged with manslaughter for his role in the incident.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

21 VHS Tapes You Most Likely Had In Your Childhood Collection

July 31, 2015, 12:54 am

≫ Next: Major League Baseball's Biggest Stars Without Their Shirts On

≪ Previous: The 10 Most Insane Monster Truck Accidents

$

0

0

If there's one thing we know about each and every one of you, it's the VHS tapes you definitely used to own back in the day. As early as "Star Wars" and "E.T." to '90s classics, we have a stockpile of classic tapes you used to rewind constantly in the VCR, at least until you got in a fight with your brother and he pulled the ribbon out and made you cry. Ah, memories. Now get scrolling and fall disgustingly into a world of nostalgia and overpriced, low quality rewinds. And if you're wondering where VHS tapes go to die, you'll have to scroll through our fun little list first.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

The first live-action feature of the green team was the gritty New York City classic before bad costumes and cheesy storylines made their ugly appearance. "Pizza dude's got 30 seconds."

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

Although we all have wondered where they are now, Emilio and his ducks will always hold a place in our adult hearts. And it's one of the few trilogies where the first sequel -- "D2: The Mighty Ducks" -- gets more rewinding than most original VHS tapes in our collection. The sequel had extra Goldberg farts and knuckle-pucks; that's why. Still, it's one of the best trilogies of all time in my humble opinion.

Sister Act (1992)

The worldly Reno singer turned convent choir conductor was a young Whoopi Goldberg at her finest. Whoopi and Catholicism never looked so good.

E.T. (1982)

A young Drew Barrymore and her suburban California family take in an extra-terrestrial via Reese's Pieces before helping a sick E.T. get back to his mothership. "Oh, piece of candy!"

Home Alone (1990)

The formerly adorable kid actor, Macaulay Culkin, plays Kevin McCallister, who outsmarts a couple of burglars, played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern, with a few toy cars, a couple buckets of paint and his brother Buzz's tarantula. The sequel is a classic, too, but everyone has the original. "Buzz, your girlfriend, woof!"

Ghostbusters (1984)

Pete Venkman (Bill Murray), Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis) and Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd), partners in slime, begin their own extermination start-up to save New York City from a ghost infestation and Sigourney Weaver's hot, possessed body, which gets transformed into a barking bear-dog. "Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!"

Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Jim Carrey was a triple threat in 1994, and as Lloyd Christmas with Harry Dunn (Jeff Daniels) as his old buddy, old pal, gives people more quotable classic lines than any comedy to date. The film's sequel arrived in 2014, a nice 20-year anniversary present. I didn't love it, but I did like it. "I like it a lot!"

The Mask (1994)

The summer of '94 was hot -- "Smokin!" actually -- as Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz dance into a magical mask-querade, where Carrey's Stanley Ipkiss goes from boring, pathetic banker to hip, supernatural hunk with the touch of the evil green mask.

Wayne's World (1992)

Dana Carvey and Mike Myers rise from a "Saturday Night Live" skit as Wayne and Garth to the big screen to battle the man and keep their show from going commercial. "Party time, excellent!"

The Land Before Time (1988)

One of the most classic animated films of the '80s, the story of Little Foot and his pal dinosaurs, along with an old fashioned brutal, traumatizing death in film, in one of survival from the great earthquake to the promised land of the Great Valley, along with the chasing of tree stars.

Star Wars (1977)

The George Lucas saga started in 1977, and we kept the dream alive by bringing C-3PO and R2-D2 into our living room in the highest quality way possible. Of course, the VHS is a laughingstock now, but back in the '80s it's all we watched. It started with "A New Hope" in '77 and kept going. Now we get a (big sequel this year).
http://www.mandatory.com/2015/05/01/2015-the-year-of-the-big-blockbuster-sequel/

Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey (1993)

Shadow, Sassy and a little Chance marched their fury behinds home after their family gives them up to move to the big city. If you ask us, this little trio of trouble deserves better pet owners after being abandoned and getting chased by mountain lions, whacked by a porcupine and almost drowned. Michael J. Fox did the voiceover for Chance. "Back to the Future" might be in this list if I had owned it, since it is one of the best trilogies and all.

Hook (1991)

Robin Williams did a lot of great things, but none will keep us as young as his middle-aged take on Pan, opposite Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook, in the live action feature. Williams plays a workhorse office dweeb who struggles make his family a priority, but when his children are kidnapped by James Hook, he must go to Neverland, learn to fly and get his kids back. Fake food fights ensue.

The Sandlot (1993)

The new kid on the block, Scottie Smalls, joins the neighborhood kids for some pick-up baseball, only to have his dad's prized baseball land in the arms of their neighbor's English mastiff, Beast. The ball is retrieved and summer hijinks ensure. Spoiler.

Ace Ventura (1994)

Jim Carrey's whopping triple threat comedy lineup of 1994 was never outdone by his character, Ace, a private pet detective and lover of all animals. When the Miami Dolphins mascot, Snowflake, is kidnapped, guess who's on the scene, solving animal abuse crimes and having a tranny's gun dug into his hip? None other than Ace Ventura, Pet Dick.

Jurassic Park (1993)

What do you get when extinct dinosaurs are genetically recreated and thrown into a park with Jeff Goldblum? The best damn dino franchise in history. This summer's monster blockbuster sequel was kicked off by Michael Critchon's same-titled book, adapted for the big screen in 1993. The park was created to inhabit the extinct species, only to kill most of its human occupants upon initial opening. Colorful remixes of Ford Explorers did not help for blending in.

Free Willy (1993)

When a young orphan boy Jesse strikes up a friendly relationship with Willy, a baby orca, he develops a bit of a show for the water park, only the park owner looks to take advantage of the whale while Jesse works to set it free to be with its fellow orcas. Saltwater raindrops that resemble tears conveniently appear as the movie climaxes.

Top Gun (1986)

Hot shot, daredevil pilot, Maverick (Tom Cruise), is competing in Top Gun's flight school to be the best behind the wings of the plane as well as competing for the loving embrace of his flight instructor, Charlotte. Val Kilmer is Iceman, about as cool as they come.

Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992)

Michael Keaton dons the black cape and cowl as the Dark Knight in Tim Burton's two attempts at the Batman franchise. The first in 1989 with Jack Nicholson as his Joker was the first gritty live action feature, and the 1992 follow-up, "Batman Returns," was an expansion including Catwoman and Penguin as the villains of the film.

The Lion King (1994)

And as far as Disney films, "The Lion King" was likely the most popular VHS in your collection. That's not to belittle "101 Dalmatians," "Beauty and the Beast" or "Aladdin," though. You probably had those, too.

Bonus: If you've ever wondered where all of these VHS tapes ended up (besides the trash), for one particular movie, it led to one of the weirdest collections in the world.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Major League Baseball's Biggest Stars Without Their Shirts On

July 31, 2015, 2:00 am

≫ Next: Veteran Returns Home To Find Wife Cheating On Him, Catches It On Film

≪ Previous: 21 VHS Tapes You Most Likely Had In Your Childhood Collection

$

0

0

Out of the four major sports, baseball definitely seems to have the least athletic players. They stand around the entire time they're out on the field and then they go in the dugout and sit. (And adjust their crotches.) Well, according to these shirtless pictures of baseball's biggest stars, it seems we're right: baseball players truly are just millionaires hiding #dadbods behind baggy clothing.

Max Scherzer


Clayton Kershaw


Buster Posey


Bryce Harper

Miguel Cabrera

Prince Fielder

Alex Rodriguez

Pablo Sandoval

Bartolo Colon

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Veteran Returns Home To Find Wife Cheating On Him, Catches It On Film

July 31, 2015, 2:13 am

≫ Next: Teacher Quits Job To Become Kim Kardashian's Body Double

≪ Previous: Major League Baseball's Biggest Stars Without Their Shirts On

$

0

0

If your husband is out there risking his life to try and protect your rights, you probably shouldn't go messing around with other guys, and you probably should be aware of the fact that he could come home early at any time. Well, for the wife below, she didn't take any of this into consideration as she was caught with someone who is obviously not her husband.



The husband, 25-year-old Brian May from Kailua, Hawaii, has filed for divorce and has even started a Go Fund Me page in order to pay for it. His wife is also a Marine, and after Brian informed her that "adultery" is against the military code, his wife began to attack him.

The couple also has a 3-year-old daughter who was apparently not being looked after as well by Brian's wife because she was too busy getting it on with her lover.

There are no winners in this bout, folks.

There were no winners here either: Wife caught cheating at a baseball game.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Teacher Quits Job To Become Kim Kardashian's Body Double

July 31, 2015, 2:42 am

≫ Next: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

≪ Previous: Veteran Returns Home To Find Wife Cheating On Him, Catches It On Film

$

0

0

Everyone has a goal they want to reach and some will do anything to achieve it, even if it means quitting your job -- which is exactly what the woman below did, all to become Kim Kardashian's body double.





The 24-year-old Irish gal, Sharia Barry, originally trained to be a teacher, but a chance at the spotlight was too good to pass up, so Sharia headed out to Los Angeles where she landed several roles in movies and shows like "Ted 2" and 'True Detective." Those jobs eventually led to an even more interesting job opportunity when someone asked her to be a stand-in.

"They didn't tell me who it was but they asked me if I was interested in the job," Sharia recalls.



That job was to be a body double for Kim Kardashian on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."

Sharia was able to share her thoughts on the Kardashians and reveals that they were as "super down to earth, as they are on the show."



And if you're interested in what their asses look like in person, Shaira also shares some insight: "They've all got really good bums, all of them. Their figures are just unbelievable, Kendall as well. She has a supermodel figure, but she actually has a bum as well."

That's some good insight.

Via Mirror

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

July 31, 2015, 2:50 am

≫ Next: This Graphic Photo Of A Cocaine User's Mouth is Why You Should Never Do Coke

≪ Previous: Teacher Quits Job To Become Kim Kardashian's Body Double

$

0

0

Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

[spelling bee] Your word is "pneumonia". "Can you use it in a sentence?" Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints.

- Me (@jesse_street) April 24, 2015

if you're shy, the easiest way to talk to a girl is one letter at a time, through a ouija board, as a ghost

- chuuch (@ch000ch) July 23, 2015

Flower (yelling at a really sexy flower 30 feet away): ONCE THE WIND PICKS UP I'M GONNA POLLINATE U SO HARD

- Vegan Zebra (@VeganZebra) July 20, 2015

My anchor tattoo is so realistic I can't get out of the bathtub.

- Tord 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) July 25, 2015

They built a huge, ugly thought-control tower right next to my house but actually I love it so much

- Shawn (@CakeThrottle) June 3, 2015

I mean, Hulk Hogan's bar dress code looks like he just watched mid-2000s rap videos & banned everything he saw. pic.twitter.com/cHGfgZu1l1

- Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) July 24, 2015

What if we launch Pixels into space and aliens see it and think it's a declaration of war and send back all our worst movies to kill us?

- Stephen Falk (@stephenfalk) July 25, 2015

Imagine respecting someone so little that you actually ate chicken wings in front of them

- Brandon Vaughn (@Brandamonium) July 16, 2015

One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends.

- Sean Green (@seantgreen) July 7, 2015

it's cool to think about a mama bird bringing her baby a lit cigarette

- keith buckley (@deathoftheparty) July 20, 2015

when she just not that into u pic.twitter.com/VqjKvcu4Ah

- Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) June 14, 2015

Girl are you Pluto, cause I thought you were cold and boring but now all these other guys are checking you out I wanna know all about you.

- Wilde Thing (@WildeThingy) July 16, 2015

You know what's stupid, why do we only get two sets of teeth but unlimited fucking toenails

- Umami Skeleton (@Merman_Melville) July 26, 2015

Whenever you feel that you have a bad body just remember that some people have bodies that are rotting underground

- Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) July 20, 2015

"Why is she playing so hard to get?" I wheeze, chasing her with a hatchet across a desolate moor. "HEY YOU FORGOT YOUR HATCHET IN STARBUCKS"

- Dāvids (@BumbleDC) July 22, 2015

[Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* "Please send help!" *Gets message back, months later* "Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"

- sighentology (@MarlonBrandNO) July 25, 2015

If you've ever let me borrow or, better yet, keep a hair tie just know that in my head we're married

- Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) July 19, 2015

as a kid I had a hulk hogan figurine and his head popped off and I inhaled a bunch of weird dust that came out of his neck

- Josh (Josh) (@joshbupkes) July 24, 2015

Before Yelp was invented, it was just called "Donna who never stops complaining".

- Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 18, 2015

Air Bud looks awful these days pic.twitter.com/5fKMZ8kmcU

- Zachary Flynn (@zacharyflynn) July 25, 2015

More very funny tweets can be found right here.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

This Graphic Photo Of A Cocaine User's Mouth is Why You Should Never Do Coke

July 31, 2015, 4:46 am

≫ Next: Wannabe Florida Thief Passes Out On Couch After Chowing On Wings And Beer

≪ Previous: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

$

0

0

Here is a wonderful public service announcement of why you folks should never do cocaine.



Recently, dentist Howard Farrann shared a graphic photo on Facebook of a cocaine user's mouth and it should scare the hell out of everyone. The user had suffered a palatal perforation which is a condition that causes the disintegration of the tissue of the roof of a mouth due to daily use of cocaine.

The photo has gone viral and in turn has made many stomachs turn, and hopefully scared people off from using the awful drug.

Via Daily Star

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Wannabe Florida Thief Passes Out On Couch After Chowing On Wings And Beer

July 31, 2015, 8:06 am

≫ Next: Here's A Great Example Of Why CrossFit Isn't For Everybody

≪ Previous: This Graphic Photo Of A Cocaine User's Mouth is Why You Should Never Do Coke

$

0

0

Wait, did he rob a Hooters?

According to the Daily Mail, the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office arrested a 22-year-old dipshit earlier this week who was passed out on a couch in the house he was robbing after he indulged on the home owners' stash of chicken wings and beer.



Police said they received a call from a Lake Worth family Monday night after they returned home and found Jacob Miller fast asleep on their couch along with a crap heap of chicken bones and beer bottles on their kitchen floor.

When officers arrived on the scene, Miller told them he was in the house because he "needed a place to stay." But a subsequent search of his pockets turned up jewelry that belonged to the family, so they arrested him and charged him with burglary and theft, which to us seems rather redundant.

Almost as redundant as stories like this coming out the state of Florida.

Here's another idiot: Guy Passes Out on Plane After Wearing All His Clothes to Avoid Luggage Fee

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

Here's A Great Example Of Why CrossFit Isn't For Everybody

July 31, 2015, 8:12 am

≫ Next: Hot Girl Twerking In Tony Toutouni's Kitchen Is Another Reason Why His Life Is Okay

≪ Previous: Wannabe Florida Thief Passes Out On Couch After Chowing On Wings And Beer

$

0

0

An average CrossFit membership can cost you north of $125 per month, so it shouldn't be a surprise that many guys who are looking to shed some pounds attempt to bring a CrossFit routine to their local gym where they're only dropping 30 bucks a month.

Once you get past the Chicago Bulls fan scratching his balls at the six-second mark, you'll see why that can sometimes be a bad idea.



I mean, sure, your wallet didn't take a hit this time around, but you're pride sure as shit did, bro.

h/t Barstool Sports

Here are some other people who might want to think about getting back to the basics: These People Should Definitely Not Be At The Gym

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Hot Girl Twerking In Tony Toutouni's Kitchen Is Another Reason Why His Life Is Okay

July 31, 2015, 8:21 am

≫ Next: Find Out Everything About Women And Their Porn Viewing Habits

≪ Previous: Here's A Great Example Of Why CrossFit Isn't For Everybody

$

0

0

Tony Toutoni has a pretty solid life, folks. When I go to my kitchen, I usually just find a sad array of breakfast foods, and I tend to get excited if the milk doesn't smell spoiled. But Tony gets a topless woman with fantastic skills getting down on his counter top.

She is talented #americasgottalent #whitegirlscantwerktoo tag anyone as talented

A video posted by Tony Toutouni (@lunatic_living) on Jul 31, 2015 at 11:44am PDT

Not a bad thing to wake up to.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Find Out Everything About Women And Their Porn Viewing Habits

July 31, 2015, 8:41 am

≫ Next: This Puppy Sneezing Might Be The Craziest Thing We've Ever Seen

≪ Previous: Hot Girl Twerking In Tony Toutouni's Kitchen Is Another Reason Why His Life Is Okay

$

0

0

People watch porn, that's pretty much a fact. And while men and their porn-viewing habits are usually pretty well-known, women and their viewing habits are more of a mystery. But now, everyone's favorite porn destination (or one of many favorite destinations) -- PornHub -- has released various charts showcasing the many different porn terms that women have searched for, terms most-searched by women compared to men and even how long women spend on every porn visit.

Check out some of the fascinating results below.































Via Pornhub

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

This Puppy Sneezing Might Be The Craziest Thing We've Ever Seen

July 31, 2015, 9:27 am

≫ Next: Today's Funny Photos

≪ Previous: Find Out Everything About Women And Their Porn Viewing Habits

$

0

0

I'm not walking around Beverly Hills with a dog the size of my foot poking its head out of my Louis Vuitton purse like the 25-year-old daughter of a one-percenter, so I have never been the proud owner of a Pomeranian.

However, after watching this video of a Pomeranian puppy sneezing over and over again for the last 30 minutes, sign me up -- purse and all, baby.



Seriously, how do you top that video? I guess you could throw a few college co-eds in bikinis jumping up and down and laughing in the background. Otherwise, it would be pretty tough to do.

Although, it's tough to top a dog barfing at the exact moment you snap a selfie: Dog Pukes at Perfect Time, Results In Best Selfie Ever

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Today's Funny Photos

August 3, 2015, 12:31 am

≫ Next: 11 Photos That Prove Coincidences Can Be Beyond Hilarious

≪ Previous: This Puppy Sneezing Might Be The Craziest Thing We've Ever Seen

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments