The Michigan Sports Facebook Pages Was Covered In Butts...And More Butts

August 12, 2015, 6:25 am

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People hack Facebook all the time it seems and sometimes it goes unnoticed. But then there are times you can't keep from noticing because there are post after post all about ass. That's exactly what happened to the Facebook pages of the Michigan basketball and football teams.



Let's take a look at how glorious their pages looked. And at the same time, remember how much we appreciate butts.







Looks like the basketball and football pages are back in working order. So this story clearly doesn't have a happy ending.

Via Deadspin

 

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Cheating Girlfriend Receives Instant, and Brutal, Karma On Snapchat

August 12, 2015, 7:36 am

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We all know that cheating is no good, and whether you're the gal who calls out her cheating husband in a newspaper or the woman who was caught cheating at a baseball game, it's best just to stay away from it. If not, you may receive more than you intended, like the gal below did.











Those brothers sure are close.

Via Playboy

 

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Watch This Florida Man Threaten A Cop And Immediately Get Tasered

August 12, 2015, 8:26 am

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It's amazing how 50,000 volts of electricity can turn an absolutely bat shit crazy old man into a calm human being who politely answers a police officer's questions.

Look, I've heard that the hot Florida sun will make people do some pretty insane things. But so will meth.

We're not sure whether it was a dose of the sun or the hard stuff that made this guy pull his Toyota Sequoia to the side of the road and then walk into traffic in an effort to stop other cars, but whatever it was, it was no match for a cop with a Taser who was having none of it.


"Shut the goddamn lights off or I'm going to throw it in reverse."

Actually, no you won't.

h/t Barstool Sports

The only crime in this video is that this clown only got Tasered once: Super Annoying Guy at Courthouse Gets Tasered

 

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Pennsylvania Man Arrested For Assaulting Brother Who Didn't Save Him A Big Mac

August 12, 2015, 8:48 am

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In other words, the dude punched his brother over a $4 laxative.

According to WPXI, a 47-year-old Union Township man was charged with simple assault and harassment this morning after he punched his 58-year-old brother several times in the face because he had eaten three Big Macs from a late night McDonald's run and didn't save one for him.


Police said Thomas Veres also knocked over furniture and appliances and threw other food around the house during a rage-filled tantrum that took place just before he jacked his brother Matthew in the face.

One neighbor said she saw Matthew hitching a ride Tuesday night to Monongahela, a nearby town that is apparently prominent enough to house a McDonald's. A few hours later, Matthew knocked on her door and asked if her husband wanted a Big Mac because he got three of them.


"I said, 'Well, it's kind of late and he's eating some popcorn right now, but thanks for asking,'" Angela Bekavac said.

Shortly afterward, Thomas returned home to find that Matthew had a change of heart and devoured all three Big Macs. That's when all hell broke loose, almost as much hell as Matthew surely endured on the toilet this morning.

Some people apparently take their food more serious than others: Indiana Woman Stabs Another Woman In Eye With Fork During Dispute Over Eating The Last Rib

 

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North Carolina Man Dressed Up Like A Clown And Tried To Cut Up A Woman With An Ax

August 12, 2015, 9:12 am

≫ Next: A Glorious Collection Of Inanimate Objects Betraying People

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Hello, therapy.

According to the New York Daily News, a North Carolina judge has issued an arrest warrant for a 28-year-old maniac who went to a woman's house at 4:30am last Friday and tried to cut her up with an ax, and he did so while wearing a clown mask and multi-colored wig.


The woman was able to fight off her assailant and somehow managed to remove his mask. At that point, she was able to identify her attacker as an acquaintance named Jimmy Daniel Raybon, but she told police that she had no idea what his motive was.

Raybon has eluded the authorities so far, but if police eventually catch up to him, it will be the 11th time he has been arrested. That means he would have a longer rap sheet than DMX, with arrests ranging from assault on a female to false imprisonment and larceny. Here's what he looks like without the clown suit:



Update: Raybon has surrendered himself to Hickory police. (The Charlotte Observer)

There is no video footage of the incident, but this should pretty much give you an idea of how terrifying it must have been: This Killer Clown Scare Prank Will Give You Nightmares

 

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A Glorious Collection Of Inanimate Objects Betraying People

August 13, 2015, 1:21 am

≫ Next: 15 Infamous Murderers' Last Words

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We've used these objects so often that we have become spoiled by them. And in turn, we haven't learned to appreciate them. So for the objects below, enough was enough. Let's take a look at inanimate objects betraying people.


This is an exact representation of people attempting to put together IKEA furniture.


"What the fuck, Karen! We said diet!"


Instant dinner for two.


This kid's entire childhood is ruined now.


"Burying it into my ear canal is wrong? Screw hygiene."


Storage space in NYC apartments.


"All I want is to take a professional looking picture of my junk."


This woman died a few minutes later.


Poor guy just wanted to enjoy his tiny bowl of popcorn and small glass of Royal Crown Cola.


Avoiding diseases are such a bitch.


This was the final straw. His mugshot aired on the news later that night.


Sometimes it's best to start the blender and then put the top on. It's more thrilling.


He was disgusted to learn his best buddy doesn't have a pleasant scent.


"You know what, Barbara? Fuck your Tupperware party."


Good technique. She's a keeper.


Stale bread is still good to eat until mold is visible. Thanks, mom.

Via Distractify

 

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15 Infamous Murderers' Last Words

August 13, 2015, 1:50 am

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Since we are a terribly curious society we are always eager to learn about killers and how their minds work. Well before they officially extinguished, the murderers and rapists below had one final chance to say something. Here are the infamous last words from some of the most brutal killers ever.

Thomas J. Grasso

Victims: 2
Method: Strangulation
Date of Execution: March 20th, 1995 (age 32)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."

Manuel Pina Babbit

Victims: 1
Method: Unknown
Date of Execution: May 4th, 1999 (age 50)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "I forgive you all."

John Wayne Gacy Jr. AKA Killer Clown

Victims: 33
Method: Stabbing / Strangulation
Date of Execution: May 10th, 1994 (age 52)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "Kiss my ass."

Edward Kelly

Victims: 6
Method: Shooting
Date of Execution: November 11th, 1880 (age 25)
Method of Execution: Hanging
Last words: "Such is life."

Aileen Wuornos

Victims: 7
Method: Pretense as prostitute, rob, and shoot.
Date of Execution: October 9th, 2002 (age 46)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "I'd just like to say I'm sailing with the rock, and I'll be back like Independence Day, with Jesus, June 6th. Like the movie, big mother ship and all. I'll be back."

Dr. Marcel Petiot

Victims: 27 + (Jews during WWII)
Method: Poison (promised safe passage for Jews)
Date of Execution: May 25th, 1946 (age 49)
Method of Execution: Decapitation by guillotine
Last words: "Gentleman, I have one last piece of advise: Look away. This will not be pretty to see."

William Bonin AKA The Freeway Killer

Victims: 21 - 36+
Method: Strangulation
Date of Execution: February 23rd, 1996 (age 49)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "I would suggest that when a person has a thought of doing anything serious against the law, that before they did that they should go to a quiet place and think about it seriously."

Barbara Graham

Victims: 1
Method: Pistol-whip / Suffocation
Date of Execution: June 3rd, 1955 (age 31)
Method of Execution: Gas Chamber
Last words: "Good people are always so sure they're right."

Mario Benjamin Murphy

Victims: 1
Method: Steel Pipe / Stabbing
Date of Execution: September 17th, 1997 (age 25)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "Today is a good day to die. I forgive all of you. I hope God does too."

Peter Kurten AKA The Vampire of Dusseldorf

Victims: 9+
Method: Stabbing / Hammer
Date of Execution: July 2nd, 1931 (age 48)
Method of Execution: Decapitation by guillotine
Last words: "Tell me. After my head has been chopped off, will I still be able to hear, at least for a moment, the sound of my own blood gushing from the stump of my neck? That would be a pleasure to end all pleasures."

Robert Alton Harris

Victims: 2
Method: Shooting
Date of Execution: April 21st, 1992 (age 39)
Method of Execution: Gas Chamber
Last words: "You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the grim reaper."

James French

Victims: 2 (killed his cellmate after arrest)
Method: Killed a motorist after being picked up for hitchhiking / Strangulation
Date of Execution: August 10th, 1966 (age 30)
Method of Execution: Electrocution
Last words: "How's this for a headline? 'French Fries'"

Gary Burris

Victims: 1
Method: Shooting
Date of Execution: November 20th, 1997 (age 40)
Method of Execution: Lethal Injection
Last words: "Beam me up."

Amelia Dyer

Victims: 6 confirmed, 400+ attributed (children)
Method: Strangulation
Date of Execution: June 10th 1896 (age 58)
Method of Execution: Hanging
Last words: "I have nothing to say."

Peter Manuel AKA The Beast of Birkenshaw

Victims: 7-9
Method: Shooting
Date of Execution: July 11th, 1958 (age 31)
Method of Execution: Hanging
Last words: "Turn up the radio and I'll go quietly"

Via Imgur

 

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A Woman Fell For A Man Pretending To Be Forrest Gump On Tinder

August 13, 2015, 2:02 am

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"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."



Who didn't think Forrest Gump was a swell guy? A woman named Arianna either had no idea that the guy she was talking to was pretending to be Forrest Gump, or as she stated, was far too drunk to even know what was going on. Take a look at the Tinder exchange that occurred when Arianna fell for Blake, a guy dropping hints that he was pretending to be the popular movie character.









Via Some ECards

 

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Duck on a Leash

August 13, 2015, 2:50 am

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost...oh well, there's always next week!

Speaking of which, get a head start and create a new meme for next week's contest right here.


Submitted by: Howsey


Submitted by: Lisa-Maree


Submitted by: TC


Submitted by: Bart


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: J. Ward


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: Stacy

 

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A Haunted, Murderous Doll Was Caught On Film Doing Haunted Doll Things

August 13, 2015, 3:02 am

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There's something about dolls that are just creepy to begin with, but I've never considered that one might actually try to kill me. Yet that's what the terrified guy in this story is claiming, adding that the doll tried to choke him out.



John, who refused to give out his last name for fear other dolls would find him, is claiming that a doll in his possession is haunted and out to get him.

"I cleared out all of my dad's belongings apart from the puppet, which I left on the drawer by my bed for some reason and that night it felt like I was being choked," John says." "I was wide awake in bed and thought I saw a shadow move from one side of the window to the other and worried something was trying to scare us.'Then without warning my throat suddenly went really tight, I've never had anyone's hands around my throat before so it was really scary."

Instead of setting fire to the doll and burying its ashes somewhere like any sane, disgruntled doll owner would do, John instead reached out to paranormal investigator Jayne Harris. Jayne decided to film the doll in a glass class until she caught something worthy of being made into a horror movie that is released in the middle of January that you never watch until it's 3am and it's on HBO.



Something clearly moves in the glass case and perhaps it is the doll that has been taken over by some pissed off spirit.

'We've always kept the puppet in a sealed blessed cabinet as it's a safe zone. It also means we can keep our experiments as controlled as possible.'The cabinet has no doors, so you would have to physically lift all four sides and the base off to move it, there are not any holes or space for anything to sneak in there either," Jayne states.

"For us there is no point in faking your own evidence as it's only tricking yourself - this footage is real."

Jayne is continuing to try and find out more information about the haunted doll.

Let's just stay away from keeping any sort of doll or puppet in our home and just assume all dolls are evil.

Via Bro Bible

 

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Hot Girl Makes Helpless Bro Tap Out In Wrestling Match With A Rear Naked Chokehold

August 13, 2015, 3:29 am

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Some women carry pepper spray and whistles, but the woman below just keeps a rear naked chokehold handy in case she has to choke out some guy in a living room while their friends pretend they're Joe Rogan calling a UFC fight.



The rear naked chokehold is apparently a Jiu Jitsu submission move. A few more hours of playing Street Fighter and he could have taken her. I'm not sure if there's a better fighting game out there since my video game knowledge doesn't exceed pass 1995.

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

August 13, 2015, 3:50 am

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This Is One Way To Deal With Someone Who Has Stolen Your Parking Spot

August 13, 2015, 3:53 am

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If you've ever been waiting patiently for a car to back out of a parking spot so you can take it only for another car to come out of nowhere and steal it at the last second, then you've probably learned how to control the murderous rage that fills you up. And if you haven't, well what the guy below did is one nonviolent way to handle this situation.



Or you can also handle it this way, although you probably shouldn't: How to Get Revenge for a Stolen Parking Spot

Via Boing Boing

 

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People Taking Signs Way Too Literally

August 13, 2015, 5:50 am

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There are a lot of dumb, unnecessary signs out there, and way too many to follow, so sometimes it's best to rebel against them, because that's how you stick it to the man. The people below had the right idea as they took signs way too literally and proved that no sign is going to bring them down. Although, the majority of them just saw a good photo opportunity to post on Instagram. But, still, stick it to the man.
































Via Izismile

 

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A Guy Posed As A Teen Online To Show How Easy It Is To Pick Up Underage Girls

August 13, 2015, 5:52 am

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While the majority of YouTube pranksters mainly post videos that get a few laughs here and there, it's rare that any of those pranks actually help or benefit anyone. However, a popular YouTube prankster by the name of Cody Persin decided to show everyone just how easy it is to pick up underage girls by posing as a teen in order to raise awareness.


Mikayla's dad isn't even my father and I'm never talking to anyone online again for fear he comes out from behind a rock barking at me like a drill sergeant. I'm also pretty sure all these dads appeared on "The Sopranos" at one point or another. Lesson learned.

This video is much more enjoyable: Girl Makes Helpless Bro Tap Out in Wrestling Match With Rear Naked Chokehold

 

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Hot Mom Takes Numerous Selfies At Playground While Ignoring Her Kid

August 13, 2015, 6:10 am

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Just because you've had children and destroyed any chance you have at ever being happy again doesn't mean you have to stop taking selfies. And hey, if you look like the mom below, feel free to take as many as you want and worry about your kid desperately trying to hold onto the monkey bars later. He needs to man up anyway.


I really wish I could see the caption she decided on after going through the 147 selfies she took.

"At the playground. I don't play around with no scrubs, though. #Idontneedaman #momlife #wheresmykid"

Probably.

More good parenting: This Mom Doesn't Give A Damn About Her Daughter's Dancing Aspirations

 

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A Cable Snapped On This Amusement Park Ride To Remind Us To Stick To The Teacups

August 13, 2015, 7:24 am

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It seems these amusement park ride accidents are becoming more and more common, so I'm OK remaining down below, taking photos of you on the ride. The couple on this ride probably wishes they went that route, too, because it almost ended up being their last ride ever. (Skip to the 35-second mark to get right to the horror.)


The above clip comes from Luna Park in Cap d'Agne in France. The ride, called Fifth Element, is a slingshot ride. And while it did sling, apparently it slung a tad too much as one of the wires snapped. The 24-year-old woman on the ride broke her leg while her man only suffered some bruises.

A small price to pay in what could have turned out much, much worse. The staff at the park blamed the accident on a "manufacturing defect."

I'll be at Epcot learning about France instead of getting on any rides ever again. Thanks.

This ride drops you to your death, pretty much: This Free Fall Drop Ride in Denmark Will Make Your Stomach Drop Just Watching It

 

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Send This Video To Your Ex If She Texts Asking 'Do You Miss Me?'

August 13, 2015, 7:32 am

≫ Next: App Shows University Of Central Florida Students Involved In Drugs, Orgies And Other Debauchery

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Thanks to Lorezno Knight for making us crack up all week long with this amazing Vine (that we also can't stop singing).

 

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App Shows University Of Central Florida Students Involved In Drugs, Orgies And Other Debauchery

August 13, 2015, 7:46 am

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So there's an app called Yeti: Campus Stories that shows you pictures and videos of other users near you, and there are a lot of University of Central Florida students (let's give it up for my Knights, even though I never went to a game because I was too busy eating my weight in Ramen noodles) on it showing us all how many drugs they take, how much they enjoy orgies and reminding us twerking is still a thing.

Take a look at some of these photos below. Oh, and there's plenty of ass because we're all a fan of that.


























My god, do I miss college.

Via Bro Bible

 

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More Tweets Hillary Clinton Can Use To Connect To Today's Youth

August 13, 2015, 8:03 am

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Apparently Hillary Clinton is really desperate to get the approval of younger voters. So much so, it appears she hired a social media manager and handed them a textbook called "How to Speak to Teens in 2015" after her Twitter account posted this terrible tweet:

How does your student loan debt make you feel? Tell us in 3 emojis or less.

- Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) August 12, 2015

It reads like an undercover cop trying to buy drugs from a local high school dealer. So we thought we'd save Hillary the trouble of coming up with new, hip tweets and write some #relatable #content for her that goes perfectly well with that terrible emoji tweet.

 

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