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A 62-Year-Old Man Tried Stage Diving At A Flo Rida Concert And It Didn't Go So Well

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So, was the Fleetwood Mac show canceled or something?

For whatever reasons, a 62-year-old man not only attended a recent Flo Rida show, but he also managed to find his old ass onstage with the 36-year-old rapper while he performed his hit song "Going Down For Real."

Unfortunately for the old man, shit really was going down for real, as in he was going all the way down to the floor for real while attempting a stage dive because nobody wanted to catch him.



Hopefully the dude made it out of the show without breaking his hip. And hopefully the next crowd will realize that it's far more important to make sure the human being doesn't hit the ground instead of the beach ball.

h/t Barstool Sports

It looks like they catch everything at concerts in Canada, including public threesomes: Just A Threesome Going Down In Broad Daylight At The Calgary Stampede

 

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Weird News: Drunk Irish Dude Flying To Turkey Stripped Naked And Demanded Sex From A Flight Attendant

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Somebody needs to tell this guy that 99.8 percent of porn scenarios never work out in real life.

According to the Daily Mail, a drunk Irishman on a Sun Express flight from Dublin to Izmir, Turkey last Saturday "stripped off and attempted to have sex with a stewardess."

Drunk Irish man strips naked and demands sex from flight attendant
Witnesses said the man stripped naked and started to "wave his penis around" before he "demanded sex with the horrified crew." The plane made an emergency landing in Belgrade, Serbia, where witnesses said the man's friends who were traveling with him drank some 250 pints at that airport and delayed their plane another 10 hours.

One of those friends was a young lady who allegedly "offered sex to police officers at the scene who were trying to calm the situation down." Both she and the drunk, naked Irishman were detained by authorities and weren't allowed to board another flight until they sobered up.

But the rest of their shitfaced friends were allowed to board the original flight, something that one witness said happened even though "they were so drunk they didn't know who they were."

It's unknown if Charlie Sheen was a passenger on a plane from Dublin to Izmir last Saturday, but let's be honest: It sure as shit sounds like it.

Looks like we'll have to make room on the list for that one: 15 Flight Attendants Share Their Craziest Passenger Stories

 

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Today's Funny Photos

What Women Want In A Penis, According To Women Themselves

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"What does the ideal penis look like?" This is a question best left to heterosexual women, since they - as well as homosexual men - are attracted to possessors of these veiny, floppy appendages.

But to question just one woman on her picture-perfect penis would be both an ineffective and biased sample, because, who knows, one's least attractive quality in a wiener could be another woman's most attractive. That's why, in order to reach the fairest conclusion possible, I spoke to an abundance of women and decided to display the best of their responses below. At the end of the article, I'll take what I've learned from these women's answers (some of which won't be shown below by request) and describe the perfect penis, according to women.

Lifestyle, Sex, What Women Want In A Penis According To Women
Here is some of the commentary I received:

Some women truly don't care what a penis looks like. They just want you to know how to use it, which is reasonable:

"The most attractive thing about a penis is the person it's attached to, though I think they're all pretty perfect -- cut, uncut, small, big, curved, straight, thick, thin. The least attractive is someone that doesn't care to learn how to use it to pleasure their partner and is only concerned about getting themselves off." - Britni, 30

Others do care, and believe the ideal penis is long and girthy:

"A big, thick penis - about 8.5 to 9 inches long - with a nicely shaped head is so appealing! Of course, it's ideal for it to be clean as well. Thank the heavens my husband was blessed with such attributes." - Lucie, 52

Lifestyle, Sex, What Women Want In A Penis According To Women
This gal just wants a dick that looks like a dick:

"I don't like anything excessively hairy or deviating too much from the 'norm' I guess." - Amanda, 28

This lady believes all dicks are ugly, and that the ideal penis is simply the least offensive:

"Dicks are never pretty! But what would make one exceptionally un-pretty for me would be poor manscaping or skinniness. - Jen, 36

Lifestyle, Sex, What Women Want In A Penis According To Women
Finally, some simply subscribe to the Goldilocks philosophy:

"As long as it's not too big and not too small. Uncircumcised is preferred, but not a deal-breaker. I'm more than alright with a good six inches." - Stacey, 22

I also got a few experts to lend their opinions.

Carol Queen, PhD and Good Vibration's Staff Sexologist:

"Women have different size preferences (bigger isn't always better - sometimes bigger just hurts), and when men talk about size they usually talk about length, but women are often talking about girth. It depends on the sex act too; it can be much easier to do fellatio or anal with a smaller-sized penis than a large one, for instance, and a shorter penis might be more likely to stroke the G-spot directly than a longer one that slides right past.

A sculpted-looking penis is often considered more aesthetically attractive, as well, but a prominent head can definitely have bonus effects during intercourse."

Suzannah Mathews, Dating Coach & Matchmaker:

"A penis that is proportional to the rest of his body is an impressive penis. If he's athletic, his penis seems muscular, too. If he's slim, his penis is slender, too. You get the picture."

(Not sure if I agree with that one, but hey - she's seen more than I have!)

Now let's look at the research:

You may find this hard to believe, but aside from myself, actual scientists have dedicated research to this very important topic. Researchers from UCLA and the University of New Mexico attempted to discover the ideal penis by presenting 75 women with images of 100 disembodied penises (which sounds absolutely terrifying). They asked the women sampled to then narrow this mass selection down to 33, which the researchers then printed out in 3-D form (dildos, essentially). The women were then asked to place these 3-D model penises into two categories: the dongs they'd prefer in a long-term partner, and those they'd prefer in a one-night stand.

The results found that the ideal penis size for a long-term partner is 6.3 inches long and had a girth of 4.8 inches. For the one-night stand, the ideal size was 6.4 by 5 inches. Considering the international penis average is 5.5-6.3 inches by 4.7-5.1 inches, we're generally not far off from the ideal. Women don't really seem to want a schlong that's the size of a baby's arm, regardless of the relationship. There have been ton of studies done on the subject over the years (this was just one of the more recent), and most deduce the same thing: a woman doesn't want a long penis, she wants a girthy one.

Lifestyle, Sex, What Women Want In A Penis According To Women
Conclusion (aka the ideal penis reveal):

Going by what I've heard from my admittedly small sample survey (roughly 20 women total) and the research I've consulted, the ideal penis length resides in the six inch margin - meaning anywhere from 6.1-6.9 - and would be nearly as girthy as it is long, anywhere from 4-5 inches would suffice. In terms of aesthetic appearance, a woman likes a prominent head on the tip, with trimmed - not shaved - pubes, so aim to keep your pubic length around an inch or less.

I have to admit that the most surprising result of this little experiment was that most women don't really care what the size of a penis is, they just don't want it to deviate too much from what's considered average. How can you argue with that?

Finally, considering that there's such a societal prominence on a man's size, one must ask: Who's the culprit that really cares about size? Is it women, or is it us men?

 

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12 People Confess Their Most Shameful Masturbation Habits

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shameful masturbation habits
What you buff your banana to is your business. We feel like that's a pretty fair policy to live by. As long as the door is closed and locked (and you aren't looking at anything illegal, of course), quite frankly, we couldn't care less. When it comes to how people get the job done, however, we were pretty shocked at some of the highly unusual methods Reddit users felt comfortable sharing. But hey, someone asked, and we'll be damned if they didn't get their answers.

1. RCTjunkie
One conversation with a friend, he made fun of someone saying he was "probably the type of person that masturbated in front of the mirror and got off to himself.

I laughed along, but vowed that he would never know about me doing that exact thing on a semi-regular basis.

2. TheFailureKing
shameful masturbation habits
I have to wank with a blanket covering my dick, or if I don't, it'll feel like someone's gonna catch me, even if no one is home.

3. nansafran
I don't masturbate to the things I'm watching, I masturbate while watching things. I'll just watch gaming videos, news shows, or music videos while masturbating while not getting off on what I am watching, but just watching them while getting off.

4. Vicous
I still use my ex girlfriend's NSFW pictures to get off. Works better than regular porn honestly.

5. theWet_Bandits
shameful masturbation habits
I used to keep a container of vegetable oil under my bed and use it as lube. One night--in the dark--I reached under my bed to lube my hand up. I start pounding off and I feel a tingling sensation. My dick is covered with ANTS. Apparently I didn't cover up the oil and they like that shit.

6. deesnider82
If I have a completely free day, nothing in calendar, I usually masturbate between 3-6 hours and have orgasm that all most makes me unconscious when I cum.

It takes about an hour to get back to "normal" and a long shower. Or sauna.

7. marcm6246
Attached my fleshlight to a power drill... I don't even care enough to make a throw away, go ahead and judge!

8. TheLeadDaisy
shameful masturbation habits
Send my husband to work. Put the kids on the school bus. Get out my bag, yes bag of sex toys. Spend all morning watching the most despicable porn you can imagine, usually across several genres. Have so many orgasms my sheets are literally wet and my wrists are numb. Masturbate myself into a coma. Scramble to get in the shower and make myself presentable before the school bus comes back in the afternoon.

9. tessa1991
Once as a horny teen I got myself off in the 3rd row of seats while my siblings were in the second row and parents up front during a family road trip.

10. coldjeanz
It's not exactly something shameful, but literally as soon as I cum I have to play music immediately. I don't know why but I always get that impulse as soon as I finish. I think it's to actually escape the shame of doing the deed.

11. Doo-Doo-Manjaro
For a week I was jerking it to the thought of the ugliest girl in my math class, and at the end I was super disappointed in myself for wanting to know why that was the best yet.

12. Jinxefy
shameful masturbation habits
I tried putting a Popsicle up my ass once... WORST IDEA EVER.

 

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This Is The Cruelest Halloween Candy Prank You Can Pull

The Top 10 Greatest James Bond Theme Songs Of All Time

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Sam Smith's "Writing's On The Wall" immediately launches the young singer into hallowed company. "Spectre" will be the 24th film in the James Bond series and the roster of artists who have sung their celebrated theme songs contain the biggest names in music. From chart toppers to rock royalty, being tapped to lend your voice to an iconic dynasty is one of the highest honors in all of movie soundtrackdom. Some have stood out for their perfect interpretation of the tried and true 007 musical style. Others brought something fresh and new to the fellowship. Here we rank the top 10 greatest James Bond themes.

10. Title track from "The Man with the Golden Gun" by Lulu (1974)

This is not a fan favorite. As a matter of fact, similar lists will rank it among the worst of the worst. It is lighthearted, campy and a complete departure from the franchise's usual theme songs. But there is something important about Lulu's "The Man with the Golden Gun" - it is memorable. Maybe jingle-you-can't-get-out-of-your-head memorable, but memorable nonetheless. Superior Bond songs to followed couldn't even claim that accomplishment. For that reason, and for its gumption and self-awareness, we lead with it here.

9. Title track from "Goldeneye" by Tina Turner (1995)

The queen of James Bond theme songs is Shirley Bassey - whom we will address in our next entry - since she has three separate additions to the series' musical canon under her belt. A truly worthy heiress to that crown, though, is Tina Turner. She channeled the Grand Dame for this impressive contribution while still making it undeniably hers. It didn't hurt that the song was co-written by Bono and the Edge, but Turner, a ceaseless tower of seductiveness, owns "Goldeneye" and makes it sparkle as only she can.

8. Title track from "Goldfinger" by Shirley Bassey (1964)

The aforementioned Bassey's most revered Bond song, and often the top of other's rankings, here it lies further from that perch forming a gold-plated triumvirate of bottom favorites with those listed above. Is the song iconic? Yes. Was it influential to not only the Bond themes that proceeded it, but perhaps the music and style of the mid '60s itself? Sure. And that is a feat. But this song was best featured on the variety shows and television specials of that time, which now would seem dated and corny. It's not a song you would keep on any current playlist or one that could even effectively be hummed in the shower, but there's a stuttering energy here and it's overly theatrical. In other words, it may be shiny, but it doesn't sing.

7. Title track from "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbage (1999)

Modern, sweeping, and sophisticated with the sultry vocals of Garbage's Shirley Manson is the song that perfectly encapsulates the passion and sexuality that come with any Bond film. It is not syrupy sweet, but does pour out thick and slow, spreading itself warmly within the film's opening credits. While it is still somewhat forgettable - the antithesis to the band's many musical triumphs - its melody and scope earn it big points. And Manson's voice, like any Bond girl, is equal parts beautiful, mysterious and capable of leading men into all sorts of trouble.

6. "Another Way To Die" from "Quantum of Solace" by Jack White and Alicia Keys (2008)

Another song other outlets have put among the worst, in actuality, this is the freshest Bond theme to come about in over two decades. Fun and fierce, "Another Way To Die" is the first duet of the franchise and they really couldn't have picked a more inventively perfect pairing. Like White and Keys themselves, this is a united front of rock and soul with every instrument under the sun in accompaniment. Others have remarked that such a surplus brings about discord to the song. We only see it as another remarkable element.

5. Title track from "For Your Eyes Only" by Sheena Easton (1981)

No doubt it's dated, but 007 met the dawn of the '80s here and, like history itself, the '80s left its mark. Producers had originally chosen Blondie to perform it, but she dropped out in a dispute over creative control. Enter Sheena Easton, synthesizers and dramatic flair and "For Your Eyes Only" became a sight to behold. It's got all the trappings of a Bond classic: melodious vocals, passionate scope and sweeping drama. But Easton is no femme fatale here; she's a damsel in distress, and we hear it as she delivers its lines, longing to be both rescued and loved equally by the dashing spy.

4. Title track from "Skyfall" by Adele (2012)

These days, nobody broods sensuously quite like Adele. So even though an offer to be a Bond theme song artist came as a surprise to the Brit herself, she was a very logical choice. Symphonic and theatrical with a beautiful beam of a voice lighting up the dark matter surrounding it, "Skyfall" certainly stands out as something special. So special that it not only is the first and only Bond theme to win an Oscar for Best Original Song, but was capable of bringing 007 himself, Daniel Craig, to tears. "From the opening bars I knew immediately, then the voice kicked in and it was exactly what I'd wanted," gushed the normally rugged superstar.

3. "Nobody Does It Better" from "The Spy Who Loved Me" by Carly Simon (1977)

Thom Yorke declared this "the sexiest love song ever written," and far be it from us to dispute the Radiohead frontman. It wasn't conceived as a Bond song, but simply as another potential masterpiece in Carly Simon's armory of hits. Somehow the filmmakers snagged a listen to it pre-release and wanted it as their own. So it was given just a minor tweak here or there - you'll notice, uncharacteristically, the movie title is mentioned just once and outside the chorus - but was still the perfect fit nonetheless. While Craig may get emotional listening to "Skyfall," "Nobody Does It Better" is exactly what a former Bond favorite has said about Simon's take on the franchise's theme song. "[I]t embodies everything about Bond's character," Roger Moore declared, "and why he is better and more popular than other movie spies." We certainly wouldn't want to dispute Roger Moore either.

2. Title track from "A View To A Kill" by Duran Duran (1985)

Though Sheena Easton may aptly embody the '80s sound, Duran Duran made the '80s sound killer. They kicked it up a notch with "A View To A Kill," crashing that decade's decadence right into the House of Bond. The only Bond theme to reach #1 on America's charts, this song truly twists into focus exactly why these are the songs that top our list - you actually want to listen to them, not just appreciate their role in a revered franchise. "A View To A Kill" is not only personal playlist material, but can still be heard on radio stations today. What also makes it special is Simon Le Bon. Man, that guy can sing. Adele, Tina and the Shirleys, for instance, are all super talented gals, but Le Bon can outbelt the lot of them and make you feel the passion in his lyrics beyond compare.

1. Title track from "Live And Let Die" by Paul McCartney & Wings (1973)

Mr. Bond, meet Sir Paul. Sir Paul, meet Mr. Bond. Like our #10 on this list, "Live and Let Die" is just all out fun. It starts slow and stirring, then explodes into frenetic orchestration, blasts off into almost honky tonk rock, and finally soars. And over 40 years later, you can still hear it on the radio every day. It only makes sense that the greatest living rock 'n' roll artist would lend his voice for film's greatest action hero. And the results are spectacular. This tune may be an uncommon take on a signature song for the franchise, but also an unrivaled choice of a recording artist, making it undeniably the best James Bond theme of all time.

 

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Guy Trolls Woman Trying To Sell The Worst Looking Sofa Ever

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There will always be someone out there crazy enough to buy anything, even if it's the most used up couch you've ever seen, so you can't blame the poor girl below who thought it would be wise to get money out of her sofa instead of dragging it to the dump or setting it on fire and putting it out of its misery. But since she chose to attempt to get someone dumb enough to buy it, she unfortunately got trolled by some dude.

Emma Taylor wanted to get rid of her sofa that looked like it had been thrown off a roof numerous times, but a dude named Joe Cordingley decided it would be smarter to have her do something else with the sofa.

Take a look below at their exchange:

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

And here are the results:

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Funny, Guy Trolls Woman Selling Awful Sofa

Well, now she can sell three separate pieces and get more money. Happy ending.

Via The Lad Bible

This guy was patient in his trolling: Guy Texts Girl For Entire Year After She Steals His Sunglasses

 

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Here Are Some Photos Of Utter Despair

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It's just not just everyone on Tumblr who is filled with utter despair and enjoys sharing it with others so that they can all gather together and sulk in their hopelessness (I lead the group sometimes). The photos below are also filled with despair and trying their best to carry on even though they all know there is no point. It's not just people who are completely discouraged.

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair

Funny, Photos Of Despair, Tumblr Photos Of Despair
Via Tumblr

These poems should keep you company: The 19 Most Depressing And Pathetic Fridge Love Poems

 

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These Embarrassing Truth-Or-Dare Moments Will Make You Cringe

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We all played truth-or-dare growing up, and there was always someone who dared you to do something terribly embarrassing in front of everyone or in front of your crush which led to your crush thinking you were a dud, which led her to going out with that other asshole. That's either something that happened to me or a Disney show story line.

Regardless of what cringeworthy moment you went through, it is probably not as bad as some of the things the folks below went through while playing truth-or-dare.

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Funny, Embarassing Truth Or Dare Moments, The Most Embarrassing Truth Or Dare Games

Via The Chive

I guess it could always be worse: 10 People Share Embarrassing Stories About Losing Their Virginity

 

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Amazon Reviews Of NBA Players

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The NBA season is upon us, and what better way to welcome basketball back than to take a look at some of the world's greatest athletes through a cynical Amazon review scope! On and off the court, NBA players are scrutinized, and if the world could harshly critique or gush over them as we do for products we buy online, this is what you'd see.

Carmelo Anthony
nba player amazon reviews
nba player amazon reviews


LeBron James
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Anthony Davis
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Blake Griffin
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Derrick Rose
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Kevin Durant
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Chris Andersen
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


DeMarcus Cousins
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Dwight Howard
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


DeAndre Jordan
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


James Harden
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Jeremy Lin
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Kobe Bryant
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Robin Lopez
nba player amazon reviewsnba player amazon reviews


Stephen Curry
nba player amazon reviews
nba player amazon reviews

Also check out: Amazon Reviews Of NFL Quarterbacks

 

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Guy Turns Down Sex With Hot Girlfriend Dressed As Catwoman, Chooses Video Games Instead

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Regardless of the amazing technological advances that the gaming industry has made, and despite how fantastic video games now look, they should never be picked over your hot girlfriend trying to get you to take her to Point Pleasure because God knows anyone that calls themselves a "gamer" doesn't get many chances to take that trip.

The idiot below didn't seem to care that he's probably not going to get laid anytime soon as he decided to choose his games over his hot girlfriend dressed up as Catwoman.

Funny, Guy Turns Down Sexc, Choose Video Games Instead

Funny, Guy Turns Down Sexc, Choose Video Games Instead

Funny, Guy Turns Down Sexc, Choose Video Games Instead

Funny, Guy Turns Down Sexc, Choose Video Games Instead
Apparently the gal dumped him soon after this, so I hope his video games keep him company.

Via Dude Comedy

He really shouldn't have turned down sex: Woman Bites And Bloodies Boyfriend For Turning Down Sex

 

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Watch A Ghost Run Across A Bar After Knocking Over A Stool

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People will always debate whether ghosts are real or not, but one thing is for sure regardless of what you believe: if a bar stool is forcefully knocked over when no one is near it, you better believe I will not be sticking around to find a culprit since I will already be halfway down the block.

CCTV footage captured the moment an unseen force knocks over a stool in a bar called CATO in Singapore's Chinatown District. Creepier than that is the little apparition that seems to run across the bar while everyone is inspecting the demented stool.

Take a look at the creepy footage below:



Or, this might just be another "found footage" movie that Hollywood likes to force prisoners to watch as punishment.

Via Daily Mail

Ghosts seriously hate bars: The Ghosts Of Two Drowned Kids Might Be Haunting A British Pub

 

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Redskins Fan Receives Oral Sex In Public While Watching The Game

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Not only did the Washington Redskins pull off a comeback victory against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday, but one Redskins fan pulled out his junk at the stadium so a girl could blow him in front of everyone. Because sometimes spending a Sunday watching football isn't pleasurable enough.

The guy who claims to have taken the photo below states: "This guy in the Taylor jersey and the girl was there with a group of about six other people. I'm pretty much sure the girl wasn't his girlfriend. They were pretty much being inappropriate the whole time. With the guy in the Taylor jersey even going as far as motor boating the woman in front of everyone, with her clothes on of course."

"Then we noticed the girl stumble to the ground and didn't get back up. All you saw was head movement from our angle. In the picture you can see his pants lower than normal. It stopped when someone came up to them and said get a room. Followed by a lot of laughter from them."

Sport, Washington Redskins Fan Gets Oral Sex At Game
If you're a grown man who doesn't play in the NFL and yet you decide to wear a football jersey, you'd think it would be tough getting a girl to agree to put her mouth anywhere near you, but this dude somehow pulled it off. The same can't be said for the guy next to him wearing cargo shorts.

Oh, and apparently this dude had some competition as a guy wearing a football jersey and a backwards hat also got a girl to blow him. It's an early Christmas miracle for this guy, too.


No word yet if "free blowjobs" was a promotional giveaway the Redskins were handing out.

Via Deadspin

I guess coke goes well with football: Buffalo Bills Fan Enjoys A Line Of Coke During Halftime

 

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Amanda Cerny Makes A Revealing Impression At MTV's EMAs

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To be fair, Amanda Cerny is one of the sexiest Playboy Playmates of all time, so perhaps we should have seen an outfit like this coming.

amanda cerny cleavage, MTV EMA's 2015 - Red Carpet Arrivals
Cerny showed up and showed off major cleavage last night at the 2015 MTV EMAs (Europe Music Awards) in Milan. Why she was there remains a mystery, but not one that people are all that interested in (photos via Getty):

MTV EMA's 2015 - VIP Arrivals

MTV EMA's 2015 - Red Carpet Arrivals

MTV EMA's 2015 - VIP Arrivals
For those who take their cleavage a little more seriously: Sarah Silverman's Cleavage Is No Joke

 

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Some Guy Said He's Done Going Down On Girls And They Aren't Happy About It

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And you have to think that it could also serve as an article on why he'll never get another blow job.

According to UNILAD, a man named William Lloyd recently wrote an article for The Tab detailing the reason behind why he will no longer perform oral sex on women.

man says he's done going down on women
Yeah, good luck with that, Bill.

Lloyd said the reason behind his refusal to stick his tongue in another woman's vagina stems from the first time he ever did so, an experience that resulted in her ejaculating a "hot, sticky, wet jet of piss" in his face:

"The next day my eyes were dry and itchy," Lloyd wrote. "They appeared to be swimming in some kind of red soup. More than piss I felt rinsed in a shame and embarrassment so total as to make me say to myself that I'd never go down on a girl a second time. It isn't rational or nice but it's the ridiculous truth. And it really, really put me off going there ever again."

Naturally, more than a few women didn't take too kindly to Lloyd's words:





We'll just go ahead and set the over/under for the number of months it takes Lloyd to write a reciprocal article titled, "The day I murdered my sex life," at three months.

Good luck, gentlemen: What Women Want In A Penis, According To Women Themselves

 

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Here's What Happens When Your House Is On Fire And You're Hiding A Massive Stash Of Fireworks In The Attic

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Man, do the Dutch know how to party or what?

According to the Daily Mail, a recent house fire in the Netherlands pretty much turned into a celebration when the flames reached the attic, and that's because that's where the homeowner was storing a massive arsenal of fireworks.


The fireworks display came from a house in the small Dutch town of Wezep, and witnesses said the show lasted damn near 10 minutes. The house eventually burned to the ground and three people were injured in the process, but at least they got one hell of a treat before they were sent off to a local hospital.

Authorities said they're looking into how the fire started as well as why in the hell the owner had so many fireworks stored in his attic other than the fact that they're awesome.

In a related story, you should probably refrain from showing that video to Jason Pierre-Paul.

That's pretty much what Tuesdays look like at the JPP homestead: Jason Pierre-Paul's Fireworks-Mangled Hand Has Been Revealed

 

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Man Steers His Hang Glider Into Crowd Of People Who Came To Watch Him

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I believe it was Chazz Reinhold who said, "What an idiot! Aaahhh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture...I'm dead!"

And according to the Daily Mail, that's pretty much what happened on a cliff somewhere in the UK recently. Well, everything except the dead part.

Watch as some dude who was obviously less than qualified to be piloting a hang glider solo briefly left the ground but immediately made a complete 180 and sent the spectators on the ground running for their lives:


Based on what we just saw there - and we're pretty sure the poor bastard in the blue jacket who basically brought the glider to a halt will agree with us - the next time your friend asks you to come watch them hang glide, tell them to have fun and meet you at the pub afterward.

So, we'll see you at the race then? Yeah, probably not: Insane Car Crash At Italy's Jolly Rally Somehow Results In Zero Injuries

 

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Today's Funny Photos

21 Attempts At Sexy Halloween Costumes That Went Terribly Wrong

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Halloween is a great time to spend an entire evening walking around dressed as sexy as you want, but sometimes the execution just doesn't match the idea. These men and women definitely went for it full force, but sadly, things didn't go as planned. Here are 21 attempts at sexy Halloween costumes that went terribly wrong.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy osama bin laden
No one has ever put on a fake nose and looked sexy, especially when going as a deceased terrorist.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy ebola nurse
Ah, yes, we were all hoping someone would sex up the Ebola virus a little more. Thanks!

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy flanders
Stupid sexy Flanders!

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy avengers
I'm sure there are ways to make The Avengers sexy, but this isn't it.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy corn
Who hasn't looked at a corn on the cob and dreamed of the day it would have a little more sex appeal?

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy barney dinosaur
You can make a lot of things sexy, but Barney isn't one of them.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy bert sesame street
And the other one is a sexy version of a Sesame Street character.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy bert sesame street
It's definitely not any better when a guy tries to pull it off.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy hamburglar
What ideas do you pass on before going with sexy Hamburglar?

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy mrs. potato head
I think this is supposed to be Mrs. Potato Head, but it looks like poop, doesn't it? Poop with eyes.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy deer hot dog
It's a, uh, sexy hot dog deer lady?

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy lobster
Great, now I'm going to get turned on every time I have a cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy olaf frozen
I can forgive doing an Ana or Elsa costume, but sexy Olaf is over the line.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy pumpkin man
Actually I was wrong. This is very sexy.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy isis
Good job, ladies! Sexy ISIS is definitely the way to go.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy pizza rat
It's bad enough that you're going as Pizza Rat, but Sexy Pizza Rat? Come on.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy cow
Seriously, who thought putting a bra on a cow would be sexy?

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy ghost
OK, actually this sexy ghost is kind of the best.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy duck dynasty
Come on, "Duck Dynasty" is already sexy enough.

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, pasta penis
Is he supposed to be a sexy health code violator?

failed sexy halloween costumes, sexy halloween costumes gone wrong, sexy hitler
NOPE!

 

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