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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Head Up His Ass

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost ... oh well, there's always next week!

Speaking of which, get a head start and create a new meme for next week's contest right here.

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: kelly penegar

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Mike n

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Dave

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: brian dunn

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: jonathon

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: D_Floch

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Bob

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: kp71

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Ongais

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Jake BurGEr

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: Libby

weekly meme contest, meme contest winners, head up his ass
Submitted by: bunts

 

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Fact-Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia

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vladimir putin wink

According to his Wikipedia: "Putin has an outdoor, sporty, tough guy public image, demonstrating his physical prowess and taking part in unusual or dangerous acts, such a extreme sports and interaction with wild animals..."

"Notable examples of Putin's macho adventures include: flying military jets, demonstrating his martial art skills, riding horses, rafting, fishing and swimming in a cold Siberian river (doing all that mostly bare-chested), descending in a deepwater submersible, tranquilizing tigers with a tranquilizer gun, tranquilizing polar bears, riding a motorbike, co-piloting a firefighting plane to dump water on a raging fire, shooting darts at whales from a crossbow for eco-tracking, driving a race car, scuba diving at an archaeological site, attempting to lead endangered cranes in a motorized hang glider, and catching big fish."

We wanted to find out if these claims were true. Hearing all sorts of stories over the years, it became harder to fathom that a man could be such an ubermensche. But as you will learn, Putin makes other ubermenschen look not so uber at all. Take a look yourself.

"Putin has an outdoor, sporty, tough guy public image."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
You would be seriously asking for trouble if you called Putin out on obviously posing for the camera. (You'd be excommunicated to Chechnya.) Granted, this photo does seem to convey that he is indeed outdoorsy, sporty, and tough.

"...demonstrating his physical prowess and taking part in unusual or dangerous acts, such as extreme sports and interaction with animals."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
Flying high above the Russian landscape in a hang glider, Putin is leading endangered cranes to safety. Under that, you will see him tending to a polar bear he just beat the shit out of (or, as the media says, simply tranquilizing it.) Both of these photos certainly do demonstrate his physical prowess and taste for danger.

"...flying military jets..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
Mr. Putin sits in the cockpit of a Tupolev Tu-160, a flying death machine currently being used in Syria. I wouldn't be surprised if he himself were bombing the hell out of ISIS.

"...demonstrating his martial art skills..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
Here he is body-slamming aides and young children. Putin would like everyone to know he is a black belt. Even you, Obama.

"...riding horses..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
Being the king of Russia is only a side gig. It doesn't hold a candle to his real passion, which is being the hottest sex symbol since Stalin. Look at that beautiful stallion with its mane flowing in the wind. The horse is pretty neat, too.

"...fishing and swimming in a cold Siberian river (doing all that mostly bare-chested)..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
Putin likes to skinny dip in subzero waters -- just to get his nipples hard. Hypothermia is an afterthought. Evidenced by previous pictures, Putin certain does prefer to go bare-chested.

"...descending in a deepwater submersible..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
This dude has a lot on his bucket list, apparently. This is Putin descending into the Black Sea off the coast of Crimea. What the media doesn't tell you is that he popped off his shirt and swam out of the vessel 1,000 feet underwater, the bends be damned.

"...tranquilizing tigers with a tranquilizer gun, tranquilizing polar bears..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
The tiger looked him wrong.

"...co-piloting a firefighting plane to dump water on a raging fire..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
In the summer of 2010, Putin took it upon himself to battle the raging Russian wildfires decimating his lands. He likes to dip his fingers in a lot of pies.

"...shooting darts at whales from a crossbow..."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
When asked whether shooting whales in the roaring seas was dangerous, Putin said, "Living in general is dangerous." God bless you. He asked someone to snap this pic before the 2012 presidential election, as if he didn't already know he'd once again be ruler. Russians hate whales too, so public relations effort successful.

"...and catching big fish."
Fact Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia
The fish is bleeding from the mouth not because it has a hook in it. It's bleeding because Putin jumped in the water and head-butted it to death.

"There are a large number of songs about Putin. Some of the well-known include: "[I Want] A Man Like Putin by Singing Together..."

 

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Is This The Greatest Wrestling Move Of All Time?

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This may be how Vince McMahon can save the WWE from crashing.

I don't know whose idea it was for this genius move, all I know is that this proves that guys only think with their dick, and boy did it come in handy for wrestler Joey Ryan as he was able to overtake his opponent Danshoku Dino in Japan with this surprising move.


Poor Danshoku never saw it coming.

I think Joey Ryan has nothing to worry about: 9 Super Illegal Moments In WWE History And The Real-Life Jail Time It Would Cost

 

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The Funniest GIFs Of The Week

The University of Nebraska's Brandon Reilly Didn't Leave A Tip Because The Server Wasn't A Fan

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We've seen a woman not to leave a tip because she thought her server was "flirting" with her husband, and we've also seen people leave no tip and leave an "LOL" instead. But now we get to see a college football player not leave a tip because the server wasn't a fan of his team.

Brandon Reilly, a wide receiver for the University of Nebraska, happened to have a server who wasn't a fan of the Cornhuskers. So Brandon decided to show this server exactly what happens when you have the audacity to have your own opinion on sports.

Look at the now deleted tweet this idiot tweeted:

University Of Nebraska Brandon Reilly Leave No Tip Because Server Wasn't Fan
It also seems that Brandon was pissed that this server didn't recognize who he was, but in the server's defense no one knows or gives a shit about Brandon Reilly.

Twitter bashed the hell out Brandon, so maybe next time Brandon will think before being a total tool.

Via Someecards

Also, don't be a racist prick: Some Douche Left A Horribly Racist Comment Instead Of A Tip At A Thai Restaurant

 

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Hanging Out With Your Girlfriend vs. Hanging Out With Your Best Friend

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It's not that you don't love your girlfriend or your best friend -- they're just two very different relationships. You don't have to impress the latter, but that person also doesn't want to see you naked. So it's a give and take. The vibe between a day with each of them is so different, whether you realize it or not. Here's what it's like hanging out with your girlfriend compared to hanging out with your best friend.

hanging out with girlfriend vs best friend, girlfriend and best friend comparison, best friend infographic

 

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'Tasteless' Caitlyn Jenner Billboard Taken Down In New Zealand

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People still have strong opinions on Caitlyn Jenner and her life choices, but a company in New Zealand decided to push the envelope and put up a billboard featuring her. Unsurprisingly, that billboard got so much criticism it was immediately sent to be taken down.

The company, Cranium Signage, thought it would be a great idea to put up a billboard showing Caitlyn Jenner in a Santa hat with the caption, "I hope your sack is fuller than mine this Christmas." Check it out below:

Tasteless Caitlin Jenner Billboard Taken Down In New Zealand
The company obviously got bashed by a lot of folks, including an LGBT support group who called it "tasteless, crass, insulting and vile," in an email they sent the company's director, Philip Garratt.

"I love funny billboards and even love those that push the boundaries however this billboard only suggests that you are a homophobic, redneck, conservative company full of small minded morons who get a kick out of making fun of a group of people who feature highly in our suicide statistics and who struggle every day for acceptance within our society," the email stated.

Garratt quickly acted to have the billboard removed, and offered this shitty apology:

"We live in a world with difference and I no way discriminate against anyone. I have gay and transgender friends. I think you may need to take a look at yourself and relax a bit and not take life so seriously. I was referring to a Santa sack your sick mind is the problem."

The old "I have *add group you offended* friends" line. I highly doubt Garratt was referring to a Santa sack, but hey, whatever makes you look good.

This is what the billboard currently looks like now until it is "taken down tonight."

Tasteless Caitlin Jenner Billboard Taken Down In New Zealand
Garratt did go on to invite Caitlyn to stay at his home:

"Cait is more then welcome to stay at my house with my family anytime. I will have a wine or a beer with her quite happily and it would be an honour. Lots of love Phil wishing you all a Merry Christmas."

Something tells me that invite will be rejected.

Via News. Au

Probably not what they intended: Costa Rican Beer Billboard Looks Pretty Vulgar From Behind

 

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Does This Guy Have Blue Or Green Eyes?


Sydney Guy Sculpts Body Hair Into Giant Octopus To Raise Money

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While a lot of men have been growing out their beards and 'staches just to feel like they are helping people, an Australian guy is actually raising money for charity by sculpting his body hair.

Ross Hoye, a 26-year-old from Sydney, decided to go a different route this Movember by growing his mustache and chest hair into an octopus.

Sydney Guy Sculpts Body Hair Into Giant Octopus To Raise Money
"Lucky the past 26-years have put me in good stead for this year's Movember," Ross said on his Facebook.

Ross was able to raise $1,700 for the Movember Foundation Australia after his pictures blew up on the Internet, $500 more than his goal.

Take a look at Ross with the man responsible for his body hair art, Steve Salecich.

Sydney Guy Sculpts Body Hair Into Giant Octopus To Raise Money
"If you saw me last year you will know I take this seriously, and will be looking to step up my game this year but also looking to try raise some money for my efforts for this great cause," Ross adds on Facebook.

This isn't the first time Ross has gotten a bit creative for Movember as last year he decided to showcase this look:

Sydney Guy Sculpts Body Hair Into Giant Octopus To Raise Money
I'm looking forward to puberty so I can do the same.

Via Daily Mail

This dude has a pro-beard (whatever that means) Guy With Majestic Beard Gets Wrong Number Texts From Lady For 7 Months

 

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Entire Pennsylvania Town Smells Like Cat Pee And Nobody Knows Why

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So, you're telling me that the entire town of New Castle smells like grandma's house?

According to the New Castle News, the town of New Castle, Pennsylvania is home to four McDonald's restaurants, two AM radio stations and one beauty school.

Also, the entire town smells like cat piss.

Pennsylvania town smells like cat pee
Even crazier than waking up every morning to the scent of cat urine? You guessed it: Nobody knows why the town smells like that.

The state's Department of Environmental Protection was notified of the smell in October 2014, and more than one year later, the only thing they have determined is that what New Castle residents are sniffing on a daily basis is coming from "a waste containing mesityl oxide or another similar compound that has reacted with a sulfur compound under specific conditions somewhere in the city's sewer system."

The problem is that they don't know where that waste is coming from.

"No specific industry or waste stream could be definitively identified as the exact cause of the odor," the DEP's report concluded.

In the meantime, New Castle residents will be forced to live with the pungency knowing that it could be worse. I mean, it could smell like bigfoot's dick instead, and then people would really be losing their minds.


Guys, you're in for a real treat with this snip of urine news: 'Urine Black Holes' May Have Solved The Urinal Splashback Problem

 

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The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015

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A nude scene, whether in movies or on television, is usually pretty difficult to miss, and Mr. Skin has done us a service yet again by naming the top ten nude scenes of 2015. I assume this project is always extremely entertaining to research. Check out the top ten nude scenes of the year and let us know if you would include any other favorite nude scenes in your personal top ten.

#10 - Kristen Wiig in "Welcome to Me"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, kristen wiig nude

#9 - Ruby Rose in "Orange is the New Black"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, ruby rose nude

#8 - Chanel Iman in "Dope"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, chanel iman nude

#7 - Sarah Silverman in "I Smile Back"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, sarah silverman nude

#6 - Alicia Vikander in "Ex Machina"
Girls, Top Ten Nudes Of 2015, alicia vikander nude

#5 - Lena Headey and body double Rebecca Van Cleave in "Game of Thrones"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, lena headey nude

#4 - Klara Kristin and Aomi Muyock in "Love"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015

#3 - Allison Williams in "Girls"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, allison williams nude

#2 - Madalina Diana Ghenea in "Youth"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, madalina diana ghenea nude

#1 - Dakota Johnson in "Fifty Shades Of Grey"
The Top Ten Nude Scenes Of 2015, dakota johnson nude
What a good year.

I guess girls do just wanna have fun: The Most Iconic Girl-On-Girl Kissing Scenes In Movie History

 

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Presidential Candidate Donald Trump Is Signing Boobs

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Although, somebody might want to tell him the real thing is just a tad lower.

According to GQ, after a campaign stop in Manassas, Virginia Wednesday night, billionaire real estate mogul and GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump can now add a new title to his resume: Boob signer.

Donald Trump signing boobs
Trump was also heckled at his campaign rally at the Prince William County Fairground while he was giving a speech, but nobody is really talking about that today, and that's probably because no presidential candidate has ever been known for autographing breasts.

Although based on what we know now, you have to think that Bill Clinton signed a few jugs while he was on the campaign trail. And he was probably taking it one step further and signing them with his penis.

Here's what Trump would look like if his face was made up of hundreds of dicks: A Genius Made A Portrait Of Donald Trump Using 500 Dick Pics

 

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Weird News: A Group Of Monkeys In India Have Now Murdered Three People

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Somebody needs to get James Franco to India ASAP.

According to Express, a troop of asshole monkeys in India recently stoned a priest to death, making him the their third murder victim over the past year.

Monkeys in India are killing people

Temple priest Munna Mishra died Monday morning after the monkeys threw bricks at him while he was sweeping outside his home in Patna. One of those bricks hit Mishra in the face, and he died from the blow a short while later at a nearby hospital.

The monkeys were also responsible for the recent deaths of two other people, and local authorities say these killer primates aren't dicking around, as school children have now become targets. Residents of Patna are on edge because the monkeys "not only snatch vegetable bags and other goods from the hands of people but also bite them."

The local police superintendent said authorities have been instructed to round up the monkeys and send them to the Sanjay Gandhi Biological Park once they're captured, which I believe is exactly what they tried doing in "Rise of the Planet of the Apes."

And I bring that up only because that plan didn't work out so well for the people of San Francisco.

This dude gave the finger to a monkey. He shouldn't have: Young Tourist Flips Off Monkey, Gets Drop Kicked By Monkey

 

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Today's Funny Photos

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The only thing standing between you and your weekend is one more day of pretending to work. Today's funny photos are here to help. TGIF it up and we'll see you on Monday.

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funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

funny photos

 

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Lessons On Starting a New Job Learned From 2015 NBA Rookies

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The new NBA season is in full swing and the top rookies are just starting out. Sure, it's still super early in their careers, and our impressions of them will most certainly change, but that first impression is always the strongest.

While you might not see yourself in the same world as these up-and-coming superstars, the way they've conducted themselves so far act as lessons to anyone starting a new job. Below are six of the top rookies and what you can learn from each.

1. Act like you've been there before
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies
20-year-old Croatian Mario Hezonja hasn't gotten a ton of minutes yet. "Grumpelstiltskin" Scott Skiles is from an older school of coaches who make their rookies earn minutes, rather than play their legs under them. The fifth overall pick in this year's draft has been playing professional basketball in Europe for the last three years. While he doesn't have the numbers yet to back it up, anyone who has watched an Orlando Magic game this year knows they're a young exciting team who only gets more interesting when Super Mario gets out there. The guy just radiates confidence.

When you show up for your new job, be like Herzonja and act like it's no big deal. Be thankful for the opportunity, but don't walk around wide-eyed like you can't believe you're there.


2. Don't listen to the haters
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies, Kristaps Porzingis
Can you imagine being met with a cacophony of boos the very moment you're told you got the job? That is not something 99.99% of us ever has to think about, but that's exactly what happened to Kristaps Porzingis. The notoriously surly New York Knicks fans rained down hate when their team selected the skinny, 7'3" Latvian. But he didn't let that phase him at all. In fact, it seems to have fueled him into rookie-of-the-year status, and certainly he's the favorite new son of America's biggest city.

While it's highly unlikely anyone will literally boo you at a new job, don't expect everyone to be nice, helpful, or even pleasant. Keep your head down, do your job like you're the Kristaps of the office, and co-workers and customers will come around.


3. Don't listen to the hype
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies, Karl-Anthony Towns
Karl-Anthony Towns was the clear number one favorite in his draft class. NBA teams and fans were drooling over his numbers from the University of Kentucky. Getting drafted by a young, undertalented team like the Minnesota Timberwolves could've made him want to coast. However, the man with two first names seems to be working his ass off instead. His numbers have dipped this past month, but that isn't uncommon for talented rookies as they work towards finding consistency at a pro level.

If you're lucky, you'll come into a new job with your boss hyping you to the other employees. Perhaps your reputation from your last job or your college achievements precedes you. Just like you can't listen to the haters, don't listen the hype. Both can get inside your head and be equally detrimental. Think about some of the high NBA draft picks who've gone on to do very little with their careers. Perhaps they were never as talented as we thought, or perhaps they started to believe the hype and that caused them not to work as hard.


4. Don't be an idiot off the job either
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies
On the court, third overall pick Jahlil Okafor is pretty much doing what most people expected. He's putting up good numbers on a bad team, the Philadelphia 76ers. However, off the court, he's already doing bonehead things and the season just started. He punched out a heckler outside of a Boston nightclub, for one. He's also been pulled over multiple times for speeding.

Now, even if you're an everyday dude, you don't want to be doing any bonehead things off the job. In today's world, things get back to co-workers via social media and those images can work their way up to your boss.


5. Do the dirty work
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies
Miami Heat newcomer Justise Winslow is an amazing athlete. He's arguably the best pure athlete in his class for his size. You know the man can do some sick dunks. However, he doesn't focus on making himself look awesome. He uses his athleticism to play amazing defense and grab rebounds.

Figure out the little things that no one wants to do at your new job and do them. It'll not only endear you to your co-workers, it'll make you indispensable. No one wants to go back to a life where they have to do those jobs.


6. Do your job first
New Job Lessons Learned Through 2015 NBA Rookies
The Phoenix Suns drafted Devin Booker because he was considered the best pure shooter in the class and they needed stronger three-point shooting. Good call, because Booker hit his first 8 of 10 three-point shots. Sure, it's early, but he's already ranking on the all-time list for three-point percentage with .643 at the time of this writing. He knows he was drafted for his shot, and when he's come in for limited minutes he's not trying to do anything but pick great shots from beyond the arc and hit them.

While you should be looking for the little extra things you can do around the office, make sure you're kicking ass at the job you were hired for first. Don't just assume you're doing your job either. Make sure you're getting positive feedback as well.

Related: The 30 Greatest NBA Players of the '90s

 

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Who Is Krampus? Origins of The Christmas Devil

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Until I saw the trailer for the upcoming "Krampus" film (out this Friday), I had no idea that this folkloric character existed. But since the trailer boasted a reputable cast best known for their comedic talents in a film that's presented as horror, I decided I wanted to know more about this lesser-known villain of Christmas. Here is the extensive history of Krampus, otherwise known as the "Christmas Devil."

Krampus Versus Santa Claus

Krampus is essentially the bad cop to Santa's good cop. Santa's duty is to bring gifts to "nice" children, and Krampus' is to swat the crap out of "naughty" kids with his preferred weapon -- a bundle of birch switches -- and to otherwise scare the brats into being good by kidnapping them, bringing them down to his Hellish lair, and antagonizing them until they change their defiant ways, thus effectively taking care of Santa's "naughty list."

Who is Krampus? The Origins of the Christmas Devil

Krampus' name is derived from the German word "krampen," which means claw, and is believed to be the son of Hel (Satan) in Norse mythology, though he does share the characteristics of other demonic creatures in Greek mythology, such as Satyrs and Fauns. Legend has it that Krampus visits towns the night prior to December 6 or "St. Nicholas Day." This evening has become known as "Krampus Night."

On Krampus Night -- which takes place in countries like Austria, Germany, Hungary, Slovenia, and the Czech Republic -- townspeople get hammered (courtesy of beer and Schnapps, as tradition states) and dress up as devils to run through the streets and chase rebellious youngsters, scaring them Krampus-style into becoming better citizens. These celebrations were frowned upon by the Catholic Church for many reasons, including the many injuries and arrests that would arise from said debauchery.

Who is Krampus? The Origins of the Christmas Devil

Essentially, Krampus was a ploy used by parents to scare their children into being good, with the added benefit of getting spectacularly drunk and chasing the kids in your neighborhood that you hated. In North America, however, we scare our children into being good in a much different, more materialistic way: by telling our if they're bad they won't receive any gifts -- which even they know is bullshit because they always see presents under the tree no matter how bad they were.

Though the popularity of Krampus's legend has seen a decline in the past, with the introduction of his namesake film to the North American market on Friday, many may want to adopt Krampus into their Christmas tradition as an effective means of raising a child that's representative of a Norman Rockwell painting.

In fact, he's already seeing some love in our parts. Many Krampus-themed parties are being held in North America to honor the demon, including the incredibly popular Krampus Fest in Los Angeles. As a result of the affection overseas, those in Europe are going on rants, claiming Krampus has become too commercialized.

What Does Krampus Look Like?
Who is Krampus? The Origins of the Christmas Devil
Krampus is half goat, half demon, which would mean that his parents had some wild interspecies sex that would have been absolutely horrific to watch. According to scripture, Krampus stands at seven-feet-tall, boasts dark hair, fangs, and demonic horns, and is as hairy as Chewbacca. Perhaps most bizarre, though, are that his feet are mismatched, with one being a cloven hoof and the other, a bear-like claw. In other words, he's terribly hideous and horribly scary, especially to children who believe he actually exists.

Now, take a look inside the holiday horror film that is out today:



Related: 10 Very Weird Christmas Movies

 

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Musicians That Never Surpassed Their First Great Album

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How refreshing is it to hear a new sound that just reaches out and touches your soul right from the get-go? It's like a first kiss with a woman you know you're eventually going to fall in love with. But when a band or artist fails to back that album up, and their sophomore effort doesn't come close to the first, it's nearly as bad as falling out of love with that same girl.

Unfortunately, the sophomore slump happens frequently, which is why we have so many honorable mentions below. Once the fame comes, the slump hits even harder for some. How well would you take to finally getting everything you ever wanted? Fame, money, sex, drugs, and new instruments? That's not to say that some of the artists below didn't persevere respectably. But all flew so close to the sun on that first effort, their subsequent output just never got out of the shadow.

Lauryn Hill "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" (1998)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, the miseducation of lauryn hill
Turned out Hill was a whole lot more than just the hot girl from the Fugees, and we learned that big time in 1998. Lauryn wasn't alone in the endeavor either; the saying, "behind every dope album is a man with dreadlocks" is totally applicable here. While still a "Fugee," Hill started seeing Rohan Marley, son of Bob, teammate of The Rock and Ray Allen at the U. Well, you know how powerful that Marley spunk is, and sure enough, Hill got knocked up and wrote this album. And if you've got Marley's seed growing in you, you're bound to reach new musical heights. Which is what Hill did -- with help from Rohan's production -- by swirling rap, reggae, R&B, and soul into mainstream perfection. The album sold more than any other female effort in the first week at the time, and Hill became the first hip hop artist to appear on the cover of Time magazine. Alas, she hasn't produced much more than Marley grandkids and a fat tax bill ever since.


Guns N' Roses "Appetite for Destruction" (1987)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, guns 'n' roses, appetite for destruction
The mere fact that the album -- the best-selling U.S. debut ever -- gets better after song one is a testament to how damn good it remains. After a blistering riff and a demonic yet angelic howl, the first four words we ever heard from the band pretty much set the tone for their stay at the top: "Welcome to the Jungle." And the album doesn't come down from that nasty ledge at all; just gas pedal from here to "Rocket Queen" -- perhaps the single most powerful bookend songs of any album ever, or at least any album I can recall at this late hour, what with all the whiskey and weed and powerful rock flowing through me. But hey, if it's all about the music, then that's how you have to write when you're covering "Appetite." Well, technically there should be a lot harder drugs and an orgy blowing up all around as well, but do you want me to finish this list or not? Anyhow, point being, the band could never duplicate the intensity, or the success. Heck, they couldn't even be in the same room with Axl after a couple of years.


N.W.A. "Straight Outta Compton" (1988)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, nwa, straight outta compton
As individuals, Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Easy-"Motherf---ing"-E all went on to great success. But none of them -- either together or separately -- would beat the world like this album did. And by beat, I mean bitch slapped. You wanna talk about coming out the gate strong? N.W.A. bum rushed the gate with AKs blazing. None of us white boys from Aurora, Colorado had ever heard anything like it. I like to think I've been a little harder ever since. Ice Cube was noticeably absent from the band's follow up, "100 Miles and Runnin'," but equally difficult to get over was the fact you can only have your eyes opened once. "Straight Outta Compton" made us all take note of the truth about life in Compton. It also allowed us to see that Los Angeles wasn't all surf and sun.


Alanis Morissette "Jagged Little Pill" (1995)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, alanis morissette, jagged little pill
Though "Jagged Little Pill" technically was not Alanis Morissette's first album, it's the first one anyone outside of Canada heard first. And last time I checked, nobody lives in Canada. (Kidding.) For us Southerners, this Rolling Stone Top 500 album was as ubiquitous as Zubas were back in the mid '90s. After getting dropped by her first label, Morisette moved to L.A., found collaborator Glen Ballard and Maverick records, and dropped this angsty pop classic packed with six singles (and one excellent blow job reference) that still sound better than anything else Morisette, or the starlets who now try to emulate her, have managed to put out since. Morisette now seems to be accepting that fact; she recently re-released the 20th anniversary collector's edition and has taken to singing the old hits with today's youngsters, like she just did at the AMAs, rocking "You Outta Know" with Demi Lovato. But hey, if you wrote an album that's sold 33 million and counting, than you outta sing it loud and proud.


Terrence Trent D'Arby "Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent D'Arby" (1987)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, introducing the hardline according to terence trent d'arby
Apparently TTDA was quite the A-hole to everyone after his head blew up as big as this album did back in the late '80s. Well, maybe he was a bit of a prick before losing steam in the music industry that D'Arby believes replaced him with Lenny Kravitz. His follow-up album "Neither Fish Nor Flesh" (1989) was released to mixed reviews and failed to impact commercially. And yes, he's another "artist-formerly-known-as" type (now going by the name Sananda Maitreya). Since the name change, you don't hear much from him in the mainstream, but he is still producing "experimental" music. He recently dropped his first album released in the states in 14 years, "Rise of the Zugebrian Time Lords". Heard of it?


Ramones, "The Ramones" (1976)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, the ramones
How many songs have you heard trying to sound exactly like "Blitzkrieg Bop?" I think another one just came out while you we're half-assedly thinking about this. This album-recorded in just seven days for $6,400 -- helped define punk, post-punk, and whatever other punks there are, including the hugely important Surf Punks. The men who freed lyricists everywhere to not worry if the second verse was the same as the first, and told musicians the world over, "You don't really need to learn how to play so good, just do it with feeling." Important lessons for sure, and probably why the Ramones themselves kept repeating them. Hey, if it ain't broke, why evolve?


Nas "Illmatic" (1994)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, nas, illmatic
I'm not hating on Nas, who has sold a yacht-load of the seven albums he created after "Illmatic," but he never surpassed his debut, unofficially being the summer soundtrack of 1994, which -- with the help of NYC rap royalty like DJ Premier, Pete Rock, the Large Professor, Q-Tip, and L.E.S -- deftly articulated the beauty and horror of the mean streets of Queensbridge, New York. Even Rolling Stone called Nas out in their introduction to their 100 best debut albums, deeming him someone who deserves extra points for making one of those "great debut albums that the artist never matched."


Sex Pistols "Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols" (1977)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, never mind the bollocks here's the sex pistols
While some bands keep the flame burning long past that magical first spark, others get lit and explode, then leave bloody guts all over the landscape of rock. The Pistols never did produce another studio album after this one kicked the world in its proverbial nut-sack, but it's hard to keep a band together when you have Johnny Rotten being such an A-hole, shows causing near-riots, and Sid Vicious's sudden, tragic death from a drug overdose. Still, while they may have burned out way before they were able to take down the system, at least they kept it real all the while, so much so that when they were asked to join the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in 2006, they kindly declined the invite and called the institution "a piss stain" -- now that's rock 'n' roll.


The Strokes "Is This It" (2001)
Musicians Who Never Topped Their Debut Album, The Strokes, Is This It
It's hard to top a good naked album cover, but it's harder to top an album covered in nakedness that's also naked on the inside. Though nothing sounded all that revolutionary, the sexy, sparse familiarity clicked huge for this band. Songwriter Julian Casablancas let it all hang out lyrically and vocally, and the raw energy of the band made all those words urgently necessary. Probably because they played all the songs live in the studio, which they had gotten really good at after practicing them alone in the garage for a couple of years. Hits from the album continue to surf radio waves with the same vivacity, but nothing since has even come close, perhaps because as the years went on, Casablancas couldn't even be bothered to record in the same zip code as his mates. Or maybe they weren't all that special to begin with, just packaged really well.


Honorable Mention:
Rusted Root, "When I Woke"
Norah Jones, "Come Away with Me"
Vanilla Ice, "To the Extreme"
The Killers, "Hot Fuzz"
The Band, "Music From the Big Pink"
Blues Traveler, "Blues Traveler"
Yaz, "Upstairs at Eric's"
Cyndi Lauper "She's So Unusual"
Franz Ferdinand, "Franz Ferdinand"
Violent Femmes, "Violent Femmes"
The Samples, "The Samples"
Jeff Buckley, "Grace" (Talk about a disappointing follow up!)

Related: 11 Reasons Music Sucks Now More Than Ever

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.


Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.

 

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Russian DJ Gets Fired From Her Government Job For Being Too Hot

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I have a feeling there will be plenty of employers ready to hire her immediately.

Eleonora Verbitskaya, a Russian DJ whose last name you will never be able to pronounce, was recently let go from her job as a bureaucrat at the Administrative Infringements Enforcement Office in St Petersburg, Russia simply for being too hot. Her bosses discovered she also works as a DJ and enjoys wearing little clothes and being sexy.

Although, in her defense, she should have gotten a huge promotion just for working in Russia.

Доброе утро ☺️🍂🍁 #djellissexton #roccoclub

A photo posted by Eleonora Verbitskaya (@djellissexton) on


Eleonora, who goes by the stage name DJ Ellis Sexton, was apparently a good employee and was promised a promotion until she arrived to work one day to find a note notifying her of her termination. Elenora discovered that her super uptight bosses had found hot pictures of her that she uses to promote her career.

Elenora's lawyer, Maxim Youshin, believe she was illegally dismissed for being "too sexy."

Now that this story has blown up, everyone is going to know about DJ Ellis Sexton, so she's now going to be making huge dollars just attending clubs and venues and doing whatever it is a DJ does. Plus, she can get the hell out of Russia.

Let's take a look at more of Elenora thanks to pictures from her Instagram:

Photo by @anyamokeeva @olimpfest Sochi 2015 🇷🇺

A photo posted by Eleonora Verbitskaya (@djellissexton) on




🐾❗️❗️❗️#иваново #roccoclub #djellissexton и все же #americanhorrorstory это 👌😈

A photo posted by Eleonora Verbitskaya (@djellissexton) on



На месте .. В мыслях о сегодняшней #party 🎵🎵🎵😈 #djellissexton #roccoclub #иваново

A photo posted by Eleonora Verbitskaya (@djellissexton) on


And now let's see her in action:



Via Playboy

She got let go a tad quickly: Woman Gets Fired 30 Minutes After Receiving Job Offer Because Of her Tattoos

 

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Average Life Goals To Strive For

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