Watch This Woman Knock A Man Unconscious After He Grabs Her Ass

December 21, 2015, 11:52 am

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It blows my mind that in 2015 there are still people out there who don't know that you don't grab another person's ass unless they request it or some kind of financial arrangement has been made.

And if it wasn't understood in Morocco before this video surfaced on YouTube, well, it's safe to say that the people of Morocco have now received the memo.

Watch as some dude thought he could sneak a quick pinch in on a poor woman minding her own business but instead wound up getting knocked unconscious after she unleashed a right hook from hell:



Let's be honest: The most shocking part of that video is that the ass grabber wasn't the guy who was dressed like a pervert and just standing there holding the shelf for some reason for the first 12 seconds of the video.

h/t Huffington Post

Probably not a good idea to get a lapper in front of your girlfriend either: Guy's Lap Dance Interrupted By Girlfriend's Punch

 

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Watch This Cowboys Player Pop His Knee Back In So He Can Keep Playing

December 21, 2015, 12:24 pm

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Before Saturday's loss to the New York Jets, odds are you only recognized Dallas Cowboys cornerback Byron Jones from the phrase, "Who in the hell is Byron Jones?"

But after watching him dislocate his kneecap, briefly study the situation and then pop in back into place, you now probably know him as one of the toughest guys in the league.



Even more miraculous than his mid-game diagnosis and self-treatment is the fact that Jones didn't miss a play. And even more miraculous than that is how he just shrugged it off as no big deal after the game, saying it felt stuck, so he "just slowly straightened it, and it just felt good from there."

Jones added that he was able to bounce back up and continue playing because he's "flexible," but what we just saw is more like the definition of superhuman. Oh, and gross.

h/t BroBible

There were much sexier sports moments than that in 2015: The Best Sporting Events Of 2015

 

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Totally Screwed Up Method Of Gift Wrapping Includes Zip Ties, Super Glue And Chains

December 22, 2015, 4:00 am

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If your method of gift wrapping this holiday season is so long and drawn out that it warrants its own story on Mandatory, then you probably went overboard on said gift wrapping. Check out what this girl did to (I mean, for) her 15-year-old brother's gift.

The item on the left is the one being wrapped, as apparently he just wanted stuff for his phone. (Note: The Barney DVD case for hiding it is the least weird part of this whole thing.)


She gets multicolored zip ties...


Colorful, but it's far from done...


Gorilla Tape (like we said, it's gonna get weirder)...


Looks sad in this state, but scroll on...


Ah, it looks like a nice normal gift wrapping job. Wrapping over? Nope. She's just getting warmed up, guys.


In the plastic tub it goes...


Bring in the glitter...


Her hands are the least messed up part of this whole thing, keep going...


Super Glue. Watch out...


Looks cute and innocent, right?


NOT. SO. FAST. Bring out the jack chain, lock and key...


Merry Christmas,muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

They say it's the thought that counts, right? Well, would've been more awesome if instead of a 16 GB card and using way more money for elaborate wrapping, maybe splurge on 32 GBs, perhaps?

Via imgur

Related: How To Gift Wrap A Cat In Nine Easy GIFs

 

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Today's Funny Photos

December 22, 2015, 4:22 am

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Today's funny photos are here to teach you how to laugh. So get to it.












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The 10 Most Dangerous Roads In The World

December 22, 2015, 4:29 am

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The thing about driving, when you think about it, is that you're in control of a massive metal bullet that weighs thousands of pounds and travels at speeds of up to 100 miles an hour. It's just not safe! That's why, here in America, we have very strict rules on the kind of roads you can operate your rolling death machine on. The rest of the world, however, isn't so lucky. In this feature, we'll spotlight ten roadways that promise certain death.

Kuandinsky Bridge, Russia

If there's one thing we've learned from watching hundreds of hours of dash cam videos, it's that Russia has some pretty lax driving safety laws. How else to explain the fact that driving on the Kuandinsky Bridge is legal? Located in the frozen Trans-Baikal area of the massive country, this terrifying bridge is a mere six feet wide and teeters precariously over the Vitim River. It's the only way that residents of the small village of Kuanda can get to the rest of civilization, but the slick wood surface and lack of repairs mean that sometimes cars just break through the structure and fall to oblivion below, leaving the next person in line the task of getting some planks and fixing the hole themselves.

Route 431

We would be remiss if we didn't add at least one American road to the hall of shame here, and there's no thoroughfare in the States quite as dangerous as Route 431 stretching through Alabama. Locals infamously the "Highway To Hell" because of the sheer volume of accidents that take place there. Both sides of the road are dotted with crosses marking crash sites. So what makes this well-paved stretch of taxpayer-funded road so deadly? High speeds are one issue, and the other is the road changing from two to four lanes and back repeatedly. In addition, visibility often sucks, leading to fatal crashes.

Guoliang Tunnel Road

Even though China is one of the world's manufacturing and industry leaders, some residents still live in incredibly remote rural locations. Case in point: the tiny town of Guoliang, population around 350. Traditionally, the only way to get there was via the "Sky Ladder," a set of narrow, terrifying stairs. Residents decided to build their own road in the 1970s, and over half a decade they hollowed out by hand a chunk of the mountain 3/4 of a mile long. It's just wide enough for one vehicle to drive through, but luckily traffic isn't that heavy. Because they dug following the softest rock, the road is insanely bumpy and meandering, and the whole structure seems like it's about to cave in at any moment.

Halsema Highway, Philippines

High altitude is a pretty common recipe for dangerous roads, and the Halsema Highway is no exception. This perilous mountain path connects the towns of Baguio and Bontoc, around 93 miles apart, in the north of the Philippines. The road was constructed in 1930 by local workmen after the United States refused to fund the project, and it went unpaved until 2011. The addition of asphalt hasn't done much to make it safer, though, as the highway still consists of dangerously twisty curves with no guardrails. To make things work, thick fog often rolls in during the rainy season, reducing visibility to almost nothing.

Skippers Canyon Road, New Zealand

You know how you can tell that a road is dangerous? If you need to apply for a special permit from the government just to drive on it. Skippers Canyon was a hot spot in the New Zealand gold rush of the mid-1800s, and with all the precious metal coming out, miners needed to have a way to transport it. Their solution was a terrifying winding unpaved monstrosity only a few feet wide that's bordered by steep, terrifying drops. Since there's only enough room for one car at a time, if you run into someone going the other way somebody's going to have to drive in reverse for as long as two miles to find a turn-off point so they can pass. Oh, and the road itself is in awful condition, with massive potholes and washouts.

Taroko Gorge Road

You're going to see more than one Chinese road on this list. As the massive country industrializes and steps into the automotive age, more and more roads that were never meant for cars are starting to see traffic, to disastrous effect. The Taroko Gorge Road in Taiwan is the only mode of access to the gorgeous Taroko Park, one of the country's most spectacular natural destinations. Unfortunately, it's a nightmare to drive, with steep drops, tons of traffic and frequent washouts and mudslides from storms. You need a steady hand at the wheel to even consider navigating this one.

Commonwealth Highway

Most of these dangerous roads are located in remote places, but the Commonwealth Highway doesn't have that excuse. Running through the heart of Quezon City in the Philippines, this major arterial defies all of the wisdom about dangerous driving. It has plenty of lanes (as many as 18 in some places) and a speed limit just above 35 miles per hour. Even with all that, the Commonwealth Highway sees a staggering 3-5 accidents every day, with many of them fatal. The blame goes to the country's atrociously bad drivers, who routinely speed and turn without signaling. Pedestrian and motorbike fatalities are also very common, and when the road floods (which it does often, due to poor drainage), things get even worse.

Dalton Highway

On a map, the Dalton Highway doesn't look like such a big deal. It's pretty straight, and relatively inland. But it's all about the location: this 414 mile road is located in the north of Alaska, one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. Built to bring supplies to oil companies drilling in the Arctic, there are only three towns on the entire stretch of the highway, with a total of 60 residents between all of them. The danger here comes from the massive trucks that tear down the gravel road, kicking up huge storms of dirt and rocks. If your car isn't equipped to handle the journey and you break down, you're done. No cell phone service and temperatures as cold as -80 degrees will ensure a painful death, because nobody's going to stop for you.

Kabul-Jalalabad Highway, Afghanistan

Stretching nearly a hundred miles, the Kabul-Jalalabad Highway connects Afghanistan's capital with one of its largest cities. When it was paved in 1969, it was a tremendous infrastructure accomplishment for the country, but decades of war have reduced it to a barely drivable gravel path with two narrow lanes. The mountain passes that this road winds through are incredibly unsafe, and canyons are littered with smashed cars, trucks and buses that toppled off of the sides. Afghan drivers are also known for driving way too fast, and the combination of their cars and the overloaded tractor trailers that inch along the road makes for an unprecedented amount of carnage.

North Yungas Road, Bolivia

If you want modern civilization to flourish, you need a way for citizens to move around. The South American nation of Bolivia is working hard to catch up with the modern era, but their mountainous terrain is making it tough. If you want to get from La Paz to the town of Corioco, the most direct way is across the side of the Cordillera Oriental mountains on North Yungas Road. The winding two-way road is just 12 feet wide. On one side, the rock wall of the mountain face. On the other, a 2,000 foot drop to certain death, with no guardrail to save you. Crosses and other memorials dot the sides of the road to pay tribute to the many, many people who perished trying to navigate it. Oh, and you drive on the opposite side of the road that you normally would, just to make things more difficult.

Related: More Of The Most Dangerous Roads In The World

 

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10 Things That Suck About L.A.

December 22, 2015, 5:13 am

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Truth be told, I like Los Angeles a great deal. I spent three years there as an early twentysomething, and I could sling as much praise upon it as I do criticism in this article. I loved the weather, the vibrancy and the thrill of knowing I was in the epicenter of pop culture. But with great highs come great lows, and it's better to have extremes than a boring flatline. So don't take it personally if you're from L.A., for I am just a bitter transplant.

You stay indoors all day because driving sucks, so eventually you feel like you're in the witness protection program.

The saying goes that it takes 20 minutes to get anywhere in Los Angeles. In reality, every time you drive you die a little inside. This makes you reluctant to leave your house for even the most innocuous grocery trip. So you stay indoors until nighttime, like a goddamn vampire.

Traffic, gas prices and honking: the three form a hellish trifecta. And since making the drive from Venice to Hollywood takes a level of patience only a monk would be capable of, you end up locking yourself indoors until the coast is clear — which is never.

Everyone 'fakes it till they make it.'

Most people in L.A. don't make it, so they fake it for nothing. This breeds the all too familiar concept that people in the City of Angels are phony. From the entertainment industry to corporate environments, everyone's faking it, so it makes you reluctant to trust people. On a more micro scale, you see it in bars. L.A. bros like to pretend they're the hottest thing since tribal tattoos, but they'll be extremely reluctant to reveal their employment or that they live with 10 other bros in a 600-square-foot apartment.

"People treat Los Angeles like a rental car," says Adam Carolla.

Like a cheap whore, L.A. is only valued for what people can squeeze out of it. Most professionals aren't locals, and most transplants couldn't care less about the city because it isn't theirs. Eventually, this collective mindset builds until you've got a place with a trashy reputation like, well, Los Angeles.

You never know if you're in a gay bar.

One time I went to a bar in midtown called Mandrake. It seemed like an artsy hipster bar, like many others, so I didn't suspect anything. That is, until I saw the not-so-subtle logo. What baffles me most is that I still don't know if it's a gay bar or not. If you visit Los Angeles, just give up any phobias concerning gay bars because you will never be quite sure.

Pretentious restaurants.

It seems like everywhere you go, there's a restaurant challenging how sophisticated your pallet is. "Only for the discerning foodie," advertisements say. Not only is this grossly elitist, it's pallet-supremacist. And that is wrong. Sure, there is tremendous diversity in the culinary scene, but there are only so many taquerias you can go to before you want something that won't give you diarrhea.

Hobos infest the West.

Legions of homeless people pour into L.A. every year. Most end up on the Westside, in places like Venice, Santa Monica and West L.A. I think "South Park" played a role in this. Maybe I'm just biased because one time an angry hobo pulled out his penis and started furiously masturbating in front of my girlfriend at the beach. Regardless, if the homeless aren't asking you to empty your pockets, they're sleeping in Skid Row.

Zero social cohesion.

No one likes each other. People from Los Feliz would shit their skinny jeans before going to South Central; people from Beverly Hills would rather fly their private helicopters above the barren wasteland that is Torrance than shop in its malls; and no one likes Pasadena because it takes too long to get there. You could call Los Angeles a melting pot, but the ingredients would have to melt for that to be true.

In Hollywood, you won't see a celebrity, but you might get stabbed by a heroin needle!

People have a certain image of Hollywood. They expect Leonardo DiCaprio to be sipping lattes on the strip while Johnny Depp shops for albums at Amoeba as One Direction casually having public intercourse with each other outside the Kodak Theater. Basically, it's a disappointment for those who expect glitz and glamour.

Hollywood Boulevard is a turd that never got flushed. You won't see actors and models, but you might see an old crack whore who never made it. Scruffy hippies and a-holes dressed up as Spider-Man may also ruin your day. Everything, from the littered streets to the zombies walking them, is a standard deviation below what's pleasant.

Even the palm trees have had enough.

Spanish missionaries came to Los Angeles in the late 1880s and planted palm trees. For a while, it gave the city a tropical, coastal feel, but now the trees look like they've succumbed to a horrible zombie disease. They're keeled over and dying. Look at the palm trees along Sunset Boulevard for an indication of the city's decadence.

You're either rich or poor.

In the '50s, you could support a family of four with a job as an elevator bellboy, but today you're either a prince or a pauper. Los Angeles has the most inequality out of any city in California (even though it's a unanimously progressive place). So if you're California dreamin' like Peggy Blumquist in "Fargo," remember it's not so bad being a nobody from nowhere. It could always be worse.

 

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10 Things You Should Know Before Trying Anal Sex For The First Time

December 22, 2015, 5:49 am

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When it comes to anal sex, it seems as simple as just sticking it in. But there's a lot of things you should know before trying this position for the first time: nerve endings, proper lubrication and the general dos and don'ts of bending over or entering in the rear. They didn't teach you this stuff in sex ed.

Make sure you're into it or don't bother

It's not a prerequisite for the human experience, not like taking driver's ed or learning to chug a beer, for instance. Generally things come out of the outbox, so if you don't feel the need to shove junk mail up in it, no harm and no foul. The general rule of thumb in this life is to try everything once, but if you don't, it's not likely someone's going to call you out on this particular one.


It's best to prep way, way in advance

Ever hear the story about the girl who got her O-ring popped while her parents were at church and ended up in the hospital when they home early and her boyfriend abruptly pulled out? That's because it's no joke. You shouldn't just rush in without preparation, but rather slowly to start. There are two sphincter muscles, and both have to be relaxed for anal sex to feel good. Take a little finger pressure to see if you like it, then work your way up to a finger, maybe two — who knows — and work your way up.

"With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress."
― Jarod Kintz, "$3.33"


Clean your playground before and after you play
Just as you might wash your hands before putting them on something about to go in your mouth, so is the same when it comes to shoving a pecker into a delicate flower, err, the other flower. According to WebMD, "the anus is full of bacteria." So when we say "cleaning the playground," we're not talking a light graze with a bar of soap — that stuff is unsavory even for a cleaning product — we're talking in-depth scrub-down, ridding the body of any unsightly smells, dead skin or spectrum of bacterium. Just because you're playing with a butthole doesn't mean it's okay to smell like one (unless you and your partner like that sort of thing).


Get wet -- and stay wet

Never go in dry. The ass has no natural lubrication. It's likely similar to being entered by a corkscrew, no lube, or so we imagine. The thicker the lube the better. And this is very important: No oil-based lubricants are welcome, as the oily parts tend to rub condoms the wrong way, sometimes rendering them defective. The water-based lubricants, like KY gel, as well as silicone-based ones, work best as it's thicker than most water-based lubes. There's nothing worse than forced anal, unless it's accompanied by rap music.

"The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex, and picnics."
― Christopher Hitchens


Prep the oven -- It's rarely the first stop

Piggybacking off the "get wet, stay wet" step, prepping the oven is the best natural form of staying wet. You never just shove the turkey in the oven dry and unstuffed without at least — yes, "literally" is actually the appropriate word — preheating the oven first. Start with a little foreplay to get the love juices a'flowin' and then a bit of some old fashioned sexual intercourse, too. There are many sexual positions to choose from beforehand. Anal is rarely the first base for anyone. In fact, it's usually someplace close to rounding third and heading home.


Don't tense up, especially at first

When plunging someone's toilet, you don't want to make any hasty gestures, at least not at first. There's a world of nerve endings to consider, not to mention the tensing up of muscles at first makes it more painful. You always plunge slowly and see if you can get it to work subtly before you get pissed off and start jabbing that thing in there, tossing out curse words and eventually calling in a professional. Speaking from personal experience, I also know it's improper to set your dirty plunger on the floor without cleaning it first. We're not speaking metaphorically, but now that we mention it, this reminds us to clean up after.


Don't worry, you're probably not shitting.
The first time you came, you were probably terrified you were going to piss yourself. Well, the same goes for most women when it comes to anal. And guys, it won't break or get stuck, so don't be hasty with your jamming and ripping. All this is to say it's not definite you won't shit. Just don't be paranoid about it or you'll miss out on the whole party. But just a word of advice, it's more pleasurable if the rectum is empty to begin with.


Angles are everything.
You can use a lot of the same positions as regular sex, but in the case of anal insertion, missionary is actually the least practical for once, as doggy style and flat from behind take the cake. According to The-Sexperts.org, it's "not nice to jam your cock or dildo in somebody's ass." You don't have to be a mathematician, physics professor or an architect of any kind to know what angles work, but some light trial and error never hurt either. When it comes to popping the cherry on a trusting new anal attendee, slow and steady wins that race.


Beware the anal aftermath.
Monogamy isn't the only sure-fire way to avoid anal aftermath. According to the Mayo Clinic, any man or woman who engages in anal activity is more subjected to anal cancer, just saying.
Practice safe keeping with condoms, lube (again, beware of oil-based lubrication) and never, ever use the same fingers that were in one's butt immediately in another sexual orifice for fear of infection.
And when you're done, go to the bathroom, just as you would for regular sex to avoid a urinary tract infection (UTI) or other not-so-fun bacterial mishaps. And like regular after-sex bathroom breaks, it may take awhile and come out in more than one direction. Don't shoot the messenger.

"Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection."
― Slavoj Žižek


Be glad you did it once, but don't feel like you have to do it again

It's not necessarily for everyone. Unlike original sex, it's not something that typically grows on people, but that's not to say it won't. Well, guys will likely want to do it more after their first time, but girls who don't enjoy it probably won't grow to love it, even if the guy thinks he's clever when he tries to convince otherwise.

Worse case scenario: You get laid in other ways that can be satisfying as well. Anal sex doesn't have to be a requirement if you don't want it to be. And always be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and be sure to practice safe sex.

Related: Girl Discovers Boyfriend's Love Letter Is Actually Code For Anal Sex Request

 

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20 Great Movies That Celebrated Their 20th Anniversaries In 2015

December 22, 2015, 5:52 am

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As the year winds down, we'd like to take a look back and salute some of the best films that celebrated their 20th anniversaries in 2015, including the best of the "Die Hard" franchise. From the earliest Pixar films to some of the most timeless comedies, get nostalgic with us with these 20 great movie anniversaries.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Back as the incomparable pet detective, Jim Carrey won Best Male Performance at the MTV Movie Awards for his safari-themed sequel where he goes deep into the jungle to uncover the mystery behind the disappearance of the Great White Bat. Hilarity, hijinks, interracial love and bad park jobs ensue. Set in Africa after a spiritual journey, Ace teams up with the locals to get to the bottom of this tribal turbulence.


Batman Forever

After a strong trifecta of films in 1994, Carrey followed up in '95 with two more hits, the second as The Riddler in the third installment of the '90s Batman franchise where he teams up with Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face. Batman, played by Val Kilmer just before Clooney squashed the franchise, was directed by Joel Schumacher after the exit of both director Tim Burton and original Batman, Michael Keaton.


Apollo 13

Tom Hanks is joined by Bill Paxton and Kevin Bacon in this Apollo rescue mission after their gear is severely damage while in transit. Directed by Ron Howard, this heavily Oscar-nominated film stands as one of the best space adventure films of its time.


Toy Story

Pixar's first full-length animated film features the voices of Tom Hanks (Woody, the longtime cowboy friend of Andy) and Tim Allen — not George Clooney dammit! — as the hip, new toy in the house, Buzz Lightyear. As the two toys bicker over who is Andy's best friend, the family moves and they have to all find their way back to Andy.


Die Hard With a Vengeance

One of the (great films to celebrate its 20th anniversary in 2015), John McClane is once again walking into trouble, but for once not because of his wife. Met by Simon (Jeremy Irons), the brother of his past nemesis, Hans Gruber, McClane (Bruce Willis) has to play cowboy in a New York public place until he can yippee ki-yay his way to some gruesome villain deaths. Sam "badass mother effer" Jackson is his aid in the threequel, arguably the best of his franchise.


Seven

Playing on the seven deadly sins, we see a clever mastermind (Kevin Spacey) tailed by the likes of a new cop duo (Morgan Freeman, Brat Pitt). With one cop on the way out and the other on the way in, the two journey through a series of murders trying to get a step ahead of their killer until being ultimately outsmarted. The film will have you crying "what's in the box!?" for weeks.


The Usual Suspects

Another clever Spacey film features five specialty men hired for a job, all of which are killed, save for Spacey's character. In a real-time rundown with the cops, Spacey's Verbal Kint recalls the events of that evening as you try to pinpoint who and where Keyser Soze is. Never trust a cripple!


Billy Madison

Easily one of Adam Sandler's better career moves, we see a spoiled, never-in-work man child and his idiot friends drunkenly stumble through existence until the future of Billy's father's Madison Hotels is subject to forgo Billy's brilliant leadership. An academic decathlon the likes of which you've never seen will follow between Billy (Sandler) and his father's lacky, Eric Gordon (Bradley Whitford).


Braveheart

"They can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom" seems like the motivational speech from a guy who knows he and his team are about to get an ass whooping. The thirteenth century story tells the tale of an undermanned Scottish war hero, William Wallace (Mel Gibson) who goes up against King Edward I and his established English army. Painted faces and bloody corpses line the movie screen. All this before Gibson became our favorite celebrity arrest.


Casino

If Sharon Stone in 1992's "Basic Instinct" somehow didn't do it for you, then her ganging up with some good fellas in '96 might. Scorsese's direction of Robert De Niro as a low-level mobster moving up the ranks in the 1970s Las Vegas casino scene follows him on the way up and the plummet down with his right-hand man (played by Joe Pesci), hotel wife (Sharon Stone) and a number of others.


Leaving Las Vegas

Among the best and worst films of Nicholas Cage, I personally have to put "Leaving Las Vegas" at the top, if only because it's not "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance." A failed screenwriter on his way to drink himself to death in Sin City, if it weren't for the unexpected meeting of a troubled, streetwalking beauty. The film earned Cage an Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. he still has some of the worst hairstyles known to man.


Clueless

Before Paul Rudd was one of the "Wet Hot American" actors, he was playing underneath Alicia Silverstone in her prime, a film about Beverly Hills high school high society, losing your virginity, makeovers and fuckboys before "fuckboys" existed. Common '90s lingo like "whatever!" and "as if" were born here. Rudd plays her ex-stepbrother whom Silverstone borderline-incestuously falls for.


Mallrats

Jason Lee got his start in the classic cult comedy directed by Kevin Smith in his prime just after "Clerks." Before Lee was ("Almost Famous"), he was a local mall common-goer with the likes of Jay & Silent Bob, a girlfriend (Shannon Doherty) who was stolen by the rich, successful Shannon Hamilton Ben Affleck, when he was still considered a douche and Jeremy London


Friday

Most Fridays are a celebration, but in the case of Ice Cube, he owes rent and just lost his job, not to mention his girlfriend sucks and his best friend (Chris Tucker) owes his dealer money. The film takes you on an urban ride through the back alleys deals and crack whores of life, not in a figurative way, on a simple, enjoyable Friday afternoon in south-central Los Angeles. A fourth film of the franchise, "Last Friday," is currently in development.


Bad Boys

Another urban buddy drama featuring some of our favorites '90s actors has cop duo Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) and Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) teaming up in the first of its kind. In Michael Bay's (great directorial debut), we see the two rifling through the Miami crime scene while butting heads with one another and bumping into some of Miami's finest ladies. The two have to uncover an inside heroin job that could lead to the closing of their department if it's not solved, but luckily, this slick Willy and his bad boy partner are detecting in style.


Showgirls

The film we thought defined porn in the '90s before we actually discovered (free porn) was the Elizabeth Berkeley post-"Saved by the Bell" era where she shows up in Vegas with a suitcase and little else to chase her dreams before realizing the misery of Sin City. It's like every day in Los Angeles but with more stripper poles.


Empire Records

Another classic cult comedy features a going-out-of-business small time record shop on the verge of being swallowed up by corporate America, all on Rex Manning Day! With each of its employees going through their own personal drama, we realize music and small business are the answer to all of life's mind-numbing inadequacy. Also, this is where we learned about (Liv Tyler), Renée Zellweger and Robin Tunney, not to mention being topless in public.


GoldenEye

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond and Izabella Scorupco as Natalya, one of favorite Bond Girls team up against ally-turned-nemesis, Alec Trevelyan. Fake Janssen also stars in the film as Bond attempts to stop 006 and his satellite scorching weapon. The question still remains: Who will be the next great James Bond?


Waterworld

Kevin Costner after he already peaked in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" would go on to become a real life Mer-man in "Waterworld," a film he co-directed about life after the polar caps melt and leave survivors adapting to the climate by developing gills. The film takes us on a waterpark adventure of piracy, hostile island takeover and sexy water women all in the pursuit of the Dryland.


Jumanji

The board game that came to life and freed Alan Parrish (Robin Williams) seemed like a proper way to end this lengthy anniversary list. Co-starring a young Kirsten Dunst in an obstacle-ridden game of Jumanji, the two kids bring their bearded bozo friend to the real world. It was either this or "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie," and since we love chaotic adventures with the late Robin Williams, we let you slide this time, you big dork.

Related: The 10 Best Recurring Actor/Director Combos In Film

 

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Finding The Panda In This Picture Will Frustrate The Hell Out Of You

December 22, 2015, 6:35 am

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As if holiday shopping isn't stressful enough, attempting to spot a panda in a sea of snowmen takes stress to another level.

Hungarian artist, Dudolf, challenged people to find the lone panda in a picture he posted recently; the only problem is that he's lost somewhere among a bunch of showmen wearing scarves, hats and serial killer smiles. See if you can find the panda in the picture below. Good luck.



Shout-out to the only snowman wearing a top hat #alwaysbeyourself.

h/t Mashable

We prefer searching for these instead: 10 Hidden Treasures You Could Still Find

 

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This Swear Words Coloring Book Is The Perfect Way To Get In Touch With Your Artistic Side

December 22, 2015, 7:38 am

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Just make sure to stay within the fucking lines, you wanker.

As if swearing at the top of your lungs in public and getting dragged away by security while kicking and screaming wasn't fun enough, now you can get back to doing one of your favorite childhood activities: coloring. But since we're adults, this coloring book filled with our favorite swear words is the perfect activity for us.



Created by Sara Bigwood from Pixie Rah Designs, the "Sweary Words Coloring Book" is just a coloring book filled with a bunch of swear words; the only words that matter. 20 pages of cursing fun fill up this book; words like Fuck Everything, Thunder Cunt (also doubles as a Marvel superhero), Piss Off, Twat, Knob Cheese and more! These English folks sure do love their swear words.



These pages became so popular that Bigwood created a Kickstarter in order to gather enough money to make it into an entire book, and of course, the Internet came through once again for a super important cause.



So thanks to the donations for this important cause you can now get your own coloring book filled with swear words! And it only cost a little under $17.00.



Give it to your kid you never pay attention to or the nephew you never say "Happy Birthday" to.



You can head here to get your own.

h/t Distractify

Can't un-see this: 14 Harmless Coloring Books Made Completely Inappropriate

 

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The 40 Funniest Christmas Tweets Ever

December 22, 2015, 7:50 am

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If you think it's the most wonderful time of the year right now, then just wait until you read these hilarious tweets. These are 40 of the funniest Christmas observations of all time and a great way to distract yourself while you hide out in the bathroom of your parent's house while everyone is arguing in the living room. Happy Holidays!

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 1, 2015

On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "I think I might be a hoarder."

— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) December 18, 2012

The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 27, 2014

Scary that at any moment, I could be sharing the road with drivers who look safe, but in reality, are willingly listening to Christmas music

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) November 26, 2013

8 maids a milking is probably the only day of Christmas I can jack off to

— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) December 11, 2013

Made this so when my boss shouts at me through his office door, it's more festive. pic.twitter.com/dUWXApphY2

— Lloyd Botters (@MrLloydSpandex) December 18, 2014

"I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

— Sacha Fernando (@sacha_is_good) December 14, 2014

all I want for christmas is vast material wealth, overwhelming physical appeal, and the adoration of those whose work I envy. that's all

— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 15, 2014

Multi-colored lights are the Crocs of Christmas.

— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) December 3, 2015

Every year for Christmas I ask Satan to cure me of my dyslexia.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2015

Bush: Christmas is time for family Rubio: I keep Christ in Christmas Carson: Some toilets are decoys the government uses to collect your pee

— ♡ B ♡ (@SortaBad) December 1, 2015

I'm arranging all your Christmas Cards by number of years your marriage has left based on how forced the smiles are in your family photo.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) December 22, 2014

Thought about getting a Christmas tree but decided reading old love letters from exes would be cheaper way to trigger nostalgic depression.

— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) December 14, 2014

The new #StarbucksRedCup is extremely anti-Christmas & wrong pic.twitter.com/skUPKyPbTy

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 10, 2015

[Christmas 12:15am] Mrs. Claus: Shouldn't you have left by now? Santa: [throwing couch cushions] WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) December 7, 2015

mr. president, all the mall Santas are dead. the war on christmas is over. *obama pulls a warm bottle of champagne from his desk*

— chuuch (@ch000ch) January 26, 2014

Get into the Christmas spirit by remembering how cool Joseph was about an invisible guy impregnating his lady Mary.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 8, 2011

Christmas break is like going to visit your Facebook feed in person.

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) December 23, 2014

mery christmas! i got u a gift "oh wow im sory i didnt get u anything" yes u did!! the feeling of moral superiority. this will last all year

— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 14, 2014

Nothing like opening Christmas gifts to remind you that the people you're closest to in the world know absolutely nothing about you.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) December 22, 2014

My son was at the front lines fighting the war on Christmas 2012-2014. He was stationed in Starbucks. Pumpkin Spice infantry.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 2, 2015

Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending

— jonnifer lopez (@senderblock23) December 11, 2014

"Um wow okay" -all of Santa's other reindeer

— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 14, 2014

hmm y'all willin to let a fat man break into your house to drink your milk on christmas but i do it in september and i'm "a nuisance" damn

— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 2, 2014

Why doesn't that toenail fungus character have a TV Christmas special or do the networks not like ratings?

— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) December 16, 2015

The 12 Days of Christmas reads like the amazon wish list of someone tripping balls

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 13, 2014

Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you(r HBO GO password).

— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) December 12, 2014

ME AT 8 YEARS OLD: can i put the star on the christmas tree MOM: yup DAD: [thinks this means hes no longer the man of the house] bullshit

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 13, 2015

Please don't underestimate how much we suck, we turned "Merry Christmas" into a point of political controversy

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) December 5, 2015

Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) December 12, 2012

Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album

— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) March 29, 2015

My mom already asked me to make a Christmas list so I did pic.twitter.com/D8wSnTflst

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) November 4, 2014

[proposes to girlfriend on Christmas Day] SANTA: Way to make today all about you. Wow. Just, wow

— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) November 12, 2015

Hey boy are you Christmas cause you always come too soon and you make me really depressed.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 7, 2015

i say merry christmas when handing coffee to customers at starbucks, i dont give a fuck, i dont i dont even work there. they called the cops

— a bird (@i_eat_fruit) December 8, 2015

Ugh. I hate leftovers. At this rate I'm going to be eating Christmas tree sandwiches for weeks.

— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) December 25, 2013

🎶 I'll Be Home for Christmas / if only in my dreams.🎶 That's beautiful Grandma, but seriously I need a head count ASAP. You coming or not?

— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) December 16, 2014

Christmas is ruined pic.twitter.com/IxJFki1Dhh

— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) December 15, 2014

put christ back in christmas and put the god damn southwest chicken melt back on the $5 footlong menu

— everett byram (@rad_milk) December 8, 2014

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...more damn birds? Honey, we have hens, partridges...the living room is covered in shit

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) December 25, 2013

 

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The Hottest Funny Photos of 2015

December 22, 2015, 7:51 am

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Hot girls and funny photos. What more do you need in life? Nothing, that's what. So get to scrolling and laughing and drooling.










More funny photos.








Follow Mandatory on Twitter.










Follow Mandatory on Instagram.




More funny photos.

 

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The Fakest News Stories Of 2015 That We All Believed

December 22, 2015, 9:50 am

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There are a ton of crazy stories out there, news that comes in every day, and while we try our best to decipher the real from the fake, sometimes we are just completely duped. This year we saw plenty of fake news stories that reeled us in with their fascinating hook. Check out some of the year's fakest news stories that tricked everyone (or at least us).

Man Kills Imaginary Friend, Turns Self In, Takes World's Saddest Mug Shot

A man turning himself in after "killing his imaginary friend" and then taking the world's saddest mugshot was too good to pass up. And well, it was also too good to be true. The man in the mugshot is actually Billy Southern, and this photo was from an unrelated arrest in 2011. Shame on us!

Couple Lives In Walmart Attic For Two Years, Meth Lab Discovered

As much as we adore those mugshots and this story, it isn't true at all as the original source (Now8News) is known for their fake news stories. And that woman's mugshot is actually from 2012. But still, at least we got to see those amazing faces.

Phuc Dat Bich

As much as we wanted to believe that this guy's real name was Phuc Dat Bich, it unfortunately wasn't. His real name (according to him) is Tin Le, and this was all part of a hoax to fool Facebook and show everyone the flaws in their naming policy. Phuc dat.

Woman's Fake, 64-Inch Ass Explodes While Doing Squats

We're actually glad this isn't true and that this woman's 64-inch ass is still intact. This story was just made up by NewsWatch33, and after pictures of this woman's ass were attached to the story it took off. As far as we know, no one's ass has exploded while doing squats. Yet.

Guy Watches Porn During Class...Forgets To Plug In Headphones

The guy's terrible acting should have been a dead giveaway that this video was staged, but either way we shared it and so did a bunch of other people, with many believing it was legit. The man behind the prank is Jamie Zhu and he's a prankster on YouTube. But the only joke here is that he thinks that's a career.

Rumblr: Tinder For Fighting

There are so many apps out there now that it's no surprise that a lot of us were fooled by an app that encouraged people to swipe on people and meet up with them to fight. It was quickly ruled a hoax, but if you're still hyped up and want to fight just visit Yelp and express your hatred for a local restaurant.

Pregnant Woman Releases Video Plea In Hopes Of Finding Baby Daddy

After a one night stand occurs, a pregnant woman makes a video plea to find the man she slept with because he's the baby's father. And as much as we wanted to help this woman find her mate it was all bizarre social media promotion for Holiday Mooloolaba, a company that finds rental properties. Well, that's the last time we believe a pregnant gal!

There's A Deep Fried Rat In My Meal

This one was hard not to believe since we've heard plenty of horror stories of people who have found the most nauseating things in their fast food meals. A man posted this photo on Facebook claiming that he had bit into it while munching on his 3-piece chicken tender meal. It turned out to be a hoax when the man refused to help KFC corporate with the investigation, and KFC showed another angle of the picture which revealed the hand-breaded white meat chicken. Rats!

Nothing fake about these: The 10 Craziest Crime Stories Of 2015

 

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Khloé Kardashian Goes Semi-Nude In Photo Shoot

December 22, 2015, 10:58 am

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Khloé Kardashian stripped down to her birthday suit and, luckily, caught it all on camera.


Credit: www.KhloeWithAK.com

The 31-year-old sister of Kim Kardashian West was vacationing in St. Barths and decided to do an impromptu semi-nude photo shoot with photographer Mike Rosenthal.


Credit: www.KhloeWithAK.com

Do we see a nipple slip in there? Your eyes are as good as ours.

Related: Khloé Kardashian Shows (Almost) All In Complex Magazine Shoot

 

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Girl Gets Wisdom Teeth Removed And Just Wants Daniel Radcliffe To Love Her

December 22, 2015, 11:04 am

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If you get your wisdom teeth removed and you don't attempt the ice bucket challenge afterwards, or if you don't find yourself crying about your lack of boob job, the least you can do you in your wisdom teeth removal aftermath is reveal a special message for a celebrity.

Check out the video below to see just what message this girl had for the 5' 5," nothing but English fun that is Daniel Radcliffe:


Take a break from your struggling post-Harry Potter career and get to know this gal, Daniel.

Important words: Drugged Guy Says Awesome Stuff After Dental Surgery

 

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Let's Watch These Ladies Attempt To Sing 'Silent Night' While Riding A Sybian (NSFW)

December 22, 2015, 11:54 am

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No reason why the holidays should be pure and wholesome when you can just kick back and watch a bunch of hot girls attempt to sing "Silent Night" while riding a vibrating sex toy.

Just be sure to plug those headphones in and keep those hands on your desk while these girls sing the best notes you'll ever hear.


Now if only these girls can replace the awful kids that come to my door and have the audacity to call themselves Christmas carolers. Yeah, OK, go back to the orphanage, Timmy.

Or maybe dancing is more your thing: This Hot Twerking Elf Is What The Holidays Are All About

 

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Turkish Soccer Player Gets Attempted Manslaughter Charge After Kicking Opponent In Face

December 22, 2015, 11:55 am

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Turkish. Amateur. Soccer. That's what we're doing a story on today.

According to the Daily Sabah, an amateur soccer match in Turkey over the weekend went south in a hurry when some asshole kicked an opponent in the face.

Dalliscaspor and Sanayispor were duking it out in Nazilli Sunday afternoon when Sanayispor's Mehmet Değirmenci decided to intentionally tackle/trip Kayhan Karakaş after a decent shoulder charge. That drew a red card from the ref, but it didn't mean Değirmenci's shitdickery stopped there, as just seconds after getting sent off, he turned around and kicked Karakas in his face for an encore.



Sanayispor basically apologized to the world after the game and said that Değirmenci had been dismissed from the team. Değirmenci said Karakas insulted his dead mother, and as a result, he could not control his emotions after getting ejected.

Karakas said that he blacked out after the kick and feels like he could have died if Değirmenci would have been a tad more accurate with his kick. That's why he pressed charges against him for attempted manslaughter after the game.

We couldn't find a final score for the game, but let's be honest: Who gives a shit?

Watch out, he's got a penis! Weird News: A Soccer Player Ran Onto The Field And Tried To Attack A Referee With His Penis

 

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Weird News: Florida Woman Arrested After Beating Husband For Farting

December 22, 2015, 12:46 pm

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I once farted with a girl in my bed in college, and it somehow led to an unexpected blow job.

This is pretty much the exact opposite of that.

According to The Smoking Gun, a 55-year-old Port St. Lucie woman was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery earlier this month after she repeatedly elbowed, kicked and scratched her husband for...wait for it...farting in bed.


Dawn Meikle told police she asked her husband Donald several times to stop dropping ass in their bed in the early morning hours of December 11, but when he continued to rip farts, she admitted to elbowing and kicking him. Police also noted Donald's shirt had been ripped to shreds as a result of Dawn scratching him while he attempted to restrain her.

Surprisingly, it was Dawn who dialed 911 from the bathroom, a move that ultimately backfired because it led to her arrest. And for Dawn, that stinks. Just probably not as bad as Donald's farts.

They don't care for the fecal scent in Japan either: Japanese Woman Stabbed Husband Because His Poop Stunk So Badly

 

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Elderly Wisconsin Woman Calls Cops After She Hears Neighbor Screaming 'ISIS Is Good!' During Sex

December 22, 2015, 1:45 pm

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Turn the hearing aid down, Grandma.

According to WDJT, an 82-year-old woman called Brown Deer police Sunday night asking for officers to be sent to her neighborhood because she could hear someone having sex and yelling, "ISIS is good, ISIS is great!"


The woman was told to call back if she heard the "chanting" again, but that wasn't the case. Maybe it was the couple's "safe phrase," or maybe that's the only way people can orgasm in Brown Deer these days. Who knows?

The point is that Americans calling the authorities because they think their neighbors are ISIS sympathizers is getting out of hand, and Brown Deer Police Chief Michael Kass said as much with this concise yet rather accurate tweet following the tattling:

@Eric_Steckling@BrownDeerWIPD@CBS58 maybe taking see something say something a little to far?

— Chief Kass (@browndeerchief) December 22, 2015

Of course, Chief Kass wasn't the only one to get his two cents in on the matter, as people began lighting up Twitter as soon as the story broke. This one was our favorite:

These neighbors should scheme the things they'll shout from now on. "We're smoking weed! Living together unmarried!" https://t.co/yOkDnW8DWl

— Steve Fowliz Navidad (@SFowlerMobile) December 22, 2015

Santa pissing on ISIS is apparently confusing to people in Maine: Light Display Of Santa Peeing On ISIS Mistaken For Sympathizing With The Enemy

 

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Donald Trump Has Dropped Out Of The Presidential Race

December 22, 2015, 1:59 pm

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Holy crap, Trump has called it quits!


Sorry, guys.

More: Watch Donald Trump Get Attacked By An Eagle

 

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