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- 04/04/16--08:30: _Connecticut Couple ...
- 04/04/16--09:17: _Donald Trump's Holl...
- 04/04/16--09:50: _The Most Absurd Way...
- 04/04/16--13:07: _Kourtney Kardashian...
- 04/04/16--13:33: _Chelsea Handler Goe...
- 04/05/16--04:24: _Today's Funny Photos
- 04/05/16--05:50: _13 Clumsy Canine GI...
- 04/05/16--06:00: _Nebraska Is Changin...
- 04/05/16--06:12: _People Caught Looki...
- 04/05/16--06:24: _Can You See What's ...
- 04/05/16--06:48: _Texts That Prove Yo...
- 04/05/16--06:50: _17 People Failing H...
- 04/05/16--07:20: _The Absolute Worst ...
- 04/05/16--07:50: _Let's Take A Look A...
- 04/05/16--07:52: _Sara Jean Underwood...
- 04/05/16--08:27: _Booty Crush: It's C...
- 04/05/16--09:50: _30 Of The Funniest ...
- 04/05/16--09:50: _15 of the Craziest ...
- 04/05/16--10:59: _Someone Is Trying T...
- 04/05/16--11:12: _The 'Crying Jordan'...
- 04/04/16--09:17: Donald Trump's Hollywood Star Is Getting Crapped On...Literally
- 04/04/16--09:50: The Most Absurd Ways People Have Snuck Stuff Into The Movie Theater
- 04/05/16--04:24: Today's Funny Photos
- 04/05/16--05:50: 13 Clumsy Canine GIFs That Prove Some Dogs Just Can't Ball
- 04/05/16--06:12: People Caught Looking At Porn On Their Phones In Public
- 04/05/16--06:24: Can You See What's In This Red Dot Optical Illusion?
- 04/05/16--06:48: Texts That Prove Your Relatives Are Just Trying To Get On Your Level
- 04/05/16--06:50: 17 People Failing Horribly At Flirting
- 04/05/16--07:20: The Absolute Worst Places To Have Sex, Ranked
- 04/05/16--07:50: Let's Take A Look At 20 Celebrities Then And Now
- 04/05/16--08:27: Booty Crush: It's Candy Crush...With Booty Instead Of Candy (Duh)
- 04/05/16--09:50: 30 Of The Funniest Women You Should Be Following On Twitter
- 04/05/16--09:50: 15 of the Craziest Outfits and Costumes From WrestleMania 32
The Knight family must be the J.G. Wentworth of crab legs, as they made a payment for a long evening of unlimited crab legs, but they needed crab legs now.
According to Fox 61, the Connecticut couple was arrested Saturday night after getting into a "physical altercation" with a 21-year-old customer at the Royal Buffet in Manchester over all you can eat crab legs.
Police said the argument over crab legs at the buffet table turned physical when Clifford Knight punched the 21-year-old man in the face, cutting his lip and breaking a tooth in the process. The victim's mother then stepped in and used pepper spray to get Knight away from her son.
Both Clifford and his wife Lataya Knight were arrested for disorderly conduct. Clifford was also hit with a charge of third-degree assault while Lataya is also facing a charge of...wait for it...threatening.
While the 21-year-old man did lose his tooth in the scuffle, the real victims here are the rest of the Royal Buffet customers who were forced to leave after fire officials decided to close the restaurant to "check out the air" because pepper spray was used.
There, are you happy, Clifford Knight? Now nobody gets crab legs.
They're pretty serious about their ribs in Indiana: Indiana Woman Stabs Another Woman In Eye With Fork During Dispute Over Eating The Last Rib
There is really no middle ground when it comes to Donald Trump these days. You either love the Donald, or you hate the Donald.
And it turns out that the vast majority of people (and dogs) who are walking past Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame fall into the latter category, as the billionaire's star has been the "victim" of graffiti, urination and even getting crapped on.
A picture I took of Donald Trump's star on the Walk of Fame in LA a few months ago pic.twitter.com/FnuKhRY7n4— Khalid (@WorldOfK_) March 10, 2016
Someone spray painted a mute symbol on Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame 😂 pic.twitter.com/CjkRzrZYdH— Jacob (@sunxnes) March 30, 2016
Somebody has defaced Donald Trump's Hollywood star and people aren't sure whether it was a supporter or a protester... pic.twitter.com/LRRFNA6zuH— Rhoda Sharp (@So2012Trust) March 25, 2016
I spit on Trump's walk of fame star pic.twitter.com/BJ66IiGbQt— anna (@anna_hetzer) March 13, 2016
My friend's service dog accidentally took a shit on Donald Trump's Hollywood star.— Taylor McCollum (@Taybuggxoxo) March 16, 2016
Best thing I've seen all day. pic.twitter.com/8lvqkTZPfk
Just so we're clear, that is the star of a presidential candidate who is currently leading most Republican polls. Good stuff.
Donald Trump butt plugs? Yup, Donald Trump butt plugs: Mexican Immigrant Creates Donald Trump Butt Plug
As theater prices continue to climb, it is no surprise that people are thinking of different ways to sneak things into the theater so they can make their experience that much better. So forget about a bigger screen or better audio, if you want to enjoy your trip to the movies just do what the folks below did and sneak in a bunch of things.
Should have taken them to the movies: The Most Awkward Things People Have Done On A Date
Look, we've heard you folks' opinions on the Kardashians, and after much consideration we still decided to put up another post about them. Before you sound off in the comments and forget to unclick Caps Lock, first take a look below at the hot picture Kourtney Kardashian shared with us.
While most of the attention is usually focused on Kim, Kourtney is here to remind us that she's also in this family. This sure is a nice reminder. Take a look at what Kourtney posted via Instagram:
See? We listen to our fans.
Check this out, too: Kim Kardashian Goes Completely Nude On Twitter
Chelsea Handler is definitely no stranger to losing her clothes in order to get her message across. Whether it's showing her goods off in order to call out Instagram and their nudity policy, or simply to wish Reese Witherspoon a happy birthday, Chelsea isn't afraid of anything.
And that is becoming more clear by what Chelsea just posted on her Instagram. Try to figure out what presidential candidate she is not a fan of based on this photo:
What a huuuuge blow for Donald Trump.
But what if Trump actually was what he's called? What If Donald Trump Were Also A Literal Asshole
We all have that one friend. The friend who makes every party better. And every funny photo funnier. So just scroll and laugh and then share this post with your most special friend when you're done here. Then check us out on Twitter and Instagram.
If dogs wrote resumes, you'd assume that under "special skills," nearly every single one of them would list "fetch" and/or "catch" towards the top. Not the following dogs, though. They are most certainly jobless.
And then, there are these poor guys.
Related: 17 Dogs Who Think They're People
Well, they didn't come right out and say it, but that's pretty much the reason the Nebraska license plate is getting a face-lift after people complained about the original design that was chosen.
Let's first take a look at what Nebraska's license plate originally looked like, and see if you can tell why people had an issue with it.
The dude in the license plate, which can also be seen as a statue at the top of the Nebraska State Capitol, is apparently a sower -- which is someone who throws seeds from a big bag of seeds. And it really is too bad that this dude just looks like he's holding his own balls.
Some reasons revealed for the changing of the plate includes "boring," "underwhelming," and that it appears "sexually suggestive." But no respectable publication has said what everyone is thinking: That fabulous dude is holding his own goods.
For now, state officials are working on the redesign of the license plates. Hopefully it represents what Nebraska is about, and it shows that there is more to the state than some dude who is very confident about what he has downstairs.
Or you can end up with this one: North Dakota Man Finagles His Way To The Funniest License Plate Yet
And finally, the trifecta. This Brazilian politician was caught watching porn during a parliamentary debate and brought some friends in with him on the sleazy action.
Mmm, that's some good porn.
Hey fellow politician, get a load of this hot porn that we can watch together in public. Do you know of anyone else who might enjoy this?
Ah yes, of course old man politician would be into this. What a great debate this is.
While some people are still trying to figure out how many girls are in this photo, other people have moved on to more important things: like trying to figure out just what the hell is in this red dot.
To some, it is just a plain red dot and that is pretty much it. But for others, there is something in the middle of the red dot. Take a look at the red dot below and let us know what you see:
Do you see it? Take another look, and don't strain your eyesight in an effort to convince yourself age hasn't caught up to you:
Nothing yet? Well, while many see it, some don't see it. But in the center of the red dot there is an outline of an animal.
Ready for the reveal?
Here it is:
That's right, it's just a good ole' horse.
Don't feel too bad if you didn't see it right away. I mean, I saw the grim reaper right off the bat. Don't know what that means.
h/t Bro Bible
This damn dress: Is This Stupid Dress White And Gold Or Blue And Black
Things change, and fast, so while it's hard for us to keep up with the ever-changing landscape, think of how much more difficult it is for our older relatives to stay in tune with what the younger folks are doing. Take texting for example. You have to give kudos to all your relatives who try their best to speak your lingo; even if it's extremely awkward sometimes.
Check out some instances where family members tried their damnedest to text like the cool kids.
Via The Chive
And sometimes they know what they're doing: 10 Parents Who Are Way Better At Texting Than Their Kids
Some people are better than others when it comes to flirting; some come across as charming while others come across like someone who may have made an appearance on "Forensic Files." But even with that said, the 17 people below are a ways away from even being adequate at flirting. And thanks to Whisper, we can understand why.
Sometimes there is risk involved: New Guy Flirts With Female Coworker, Receives Threatening Email From 'Lover'
This is why I've ranked the absolute worst places one can have sex, because while the phrase "sex is like pizza, even when it's bad it's good" is true, we'd still rather eat our pizza at home than, say, at the in-laws. So out of all the shitty places we all may have had sex, these are the worst of the worst.
Of course, this is all dependent on the size of the car, so in this instance let's assume it's small. Like, Honda Civic small. While this is a popular place to have sex before you and she have places of your own, the car proves to have its share of challenges. Most of which regard space, as in, there isn't much of it. It doesn't help that backseats aren't long or enough to lay down on, and usually result in a greenish/purple bruise later that week due to the seat belt digging into your hip. That, or the fact that if you choose to do it in the driver's seat, your discretion is thrown out the window when her ass will (because you know it will) hit the horn.
The truth about sex on a waterbed is, instead of assisting you during penetration, it cruelly turns sex into an incredibly unnecessary workout, where you both end up trying your best to remain upright -- so much that you don't even consider pleasing the other person. Besides, if you still own a waterbed, you probably don't really consider sex as an option, do you?
8. In A Shitty Hotel Room
As I alluded to in the introduction, sex in a shitty hotel room is pretty gross. Sure, you got a deal for the room on Groupon, but if you ever decided to shine a blacklight in the place, you'll find out that with the amount of semen present, your girlfriend could possibly get pregnant if she even touched the bed.
7. Parent's Home
Even though this was likely your only option as an amateur teen lovemaker, having sex there as an adult (either over the holidays, a weekend, whatever), is just weird. It's a weird thing to do.
I blame film for the unwarranted appeal of shower sex. Anyone who has had it would agree that the result of shower sex is not at all worth the effort because, aside from it being very difficult to not slip and crack your head open on the tub, water actually makes the vagina even more impossible to penetrate for some strange reason. While I've found that silicone-based lubes remedy this vaginal mystery, there are still far more cons than pros regarding shower sex.
5. Hot Tub/Pool
It's far better to fool around in a pool than it is to have sex in it. There's too much bacteria (and subsequent infection) in those things to excuse the advantages to having sex in it -- and there aren't even that many. Many of the same issues occur as I mentioned about sex in the shower.
4. Airplane Bathroom
While everybody would like to join the notorious mile high club, everybody knows that actually attaining this level of sexual status is nowhere near as sexy as the media makes it out to be.
For starters, there's barely enough room for one person in there, meaning, if you do actually get past the flight staff who probably has a good idea what you're up to (good luck making that happen, by the way) her foot will probably have to rest in the dripping sink as you bang away to the best of your ability as the metallic paper towel dispenser jabs you in the back. Also, people shit in there, so, there's that, too.
3. Public Bathroom
Another man's butt trumpet is not the soundtrack to worthwhile sex. So when you have sex in a public restroom, you're pretty much opening yourself up to a concert featuring a chorus of literal assholes. This kind of thing often trumps the appealing spontaneity of sex in a public restroom.
2. Next To Somebody Who Is (But Isn't) Sleeping
You don't want to be too loud or too rough because you don't want to wake up your buddy who agreed to room with you. Except, in reality, he's probably awake because you're drunk, clumsy and loud as hell, meaning he knows exactly what's going on with you and the mystery woman you brought home.
1. On The Beach
There may be a delicious fruity drink named after the act, but those who've actually had sex on the beach will agree that it's the absolute worst. I actually lost my virginity on the beach, so I mean, I get it.
Whether it's sand stuck in your ass that turns any and all friction between your cheeks to the consistency of sandpaper, or the fact that you usually have beach sex during an all-inclusive vacation while excessively drunk and, as a result, stumble all over the sand as if it were built on a skatepark, sex on the beach is rarely as good as it sounds. But, sex on the beach is something everybody should try at least once. At the very least, it's a story to tell the boys.
Might as well try these: Ranking All Of The Different Types Of Sex You Have In Your Life
Check out 20 photos of celebrities back then compared to what they look like now:
Lana Del Rey
And here are even more then and now photos: The Ultimate Celebrity 'Then And Now' Collection
Just when you thought donuts couldn't be any sweeter, Sara Jean Underwood and Miss Tina Louise decided to share one while topless on a bed, because hey, that's what hot blonde friends do. Thanks to Tina Louise's Instagram (@miss_tina_louise), this sexy photo of the two busty blondes pretty much rewires our brains when it comes to dreaming of donuts. These two together are practically a topless match made in heaven, with sprinkles on top. I'm going to go get a donut and think about this for a while.
You can also follow Sara Jean Underwood on Instagram @sarajeanunderwood.
If you'd like to see other hot blondes who look good with donuts, watch this sweet clip of Brooke Evers.
Last year, an app called Uplust was released to the public. Uplust is kind of like Instagram, with the major difference that it accepts your nudes. And Quentin Lechemia, the creator, promised that he would be releasing a game very soon called "Booty Crush." Well, for those that have been eagerly waiting, that day is today.
What is Booty Crush? Well, if you're still obsessed with Candy Crush then you will get the hang of this game pretty quickly, as it is just like Candy Crush, but instead of candy it is just ass after ass. Thanks, technology.
The concept is simple: Players must combine booties with the same panty color. A job well done gets you a funny cheering such as "Dat Ass!" or "Juicy!" If only I got such motivational remarks in life.
Look at those booties go.
Booty Crush is released today to everyone, and you can take a stab at it here.
In the meantime, download these: 10 New And Trendy Free Apps To Download
There are so many funny people on Twitter, but it can be difficult to discover them in a jungle full of parody accounts and people still checking in on 4Square. To help you get the most out of your Twitter experience, here are 30 of the funniest ladies you should add to your timeline immediately. By no means are these the ONLY funny ones, but it's a great place to start! Also these aren't ranked in any way. They're all wonderful.
1. Abby Cohenwl
Not only is Abby constantly hilarious, she also finds and retweets some of the best jokes you'll see on Twitter. She's a gem.
Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare— It's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) March 23, 2015
*releases helium-filled heart balloon*— It's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) February 15, 2015
Me: You're free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
2. Charlene deGuzman
Charlene has such a unique voice. She definitely won't flood your timeline with countless tweets every day, but you'll look forward to each and every thing she posts.
DATING TIP: If you fill up a backpack with hot bread and wear it to bed it feels like spooning— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 27, 2015
My friend texted me back "yeah" with a period at the end so I guess she agrees with me but also wants me to die— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 10, 2016
3. Amber Tozer
Amber can take just about anything and turn it into a hilarious joke. She's one of those people that you can constantly rely on for solid jokes no matter what. She's fantastic.
If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) April 15, 2012
Can't believe how different booty calling and butt dialing are— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) July 12, 2014
4. Eden Dranger
Eden can do it all. She hits on pop culture, politics, random observations and everything else in between. She's pretty much a necessity to your timeline.
There's no uncreepy way to eat alone in your car.— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 24, 2015
All I'm saying is that I've never seen Hulk Hogan's pubes and Donald Trump's hair in the same room.— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) April 3, 2016
5. Jay Kay
She absolutely kills it on Twitter and has the ability to find so many funny tweets from people you're probably not following. Not only is she a great source of original jokes, following her is a fantastic way to find other accounts you may have missed.
Am I...are we... is this a date? *elevator opens & he leaves*— JAY [ham] KAY (@NurseMurderer) March 10, 2013
him: what are you looking for on this dating site?— JAY [ham] KAY (@NurseMurderer) July 20, 2015
me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses.
6. Maura Quint
Maura is as smart as she is funny and incredibly nice on top of that. It's a rare combination that's so good, she should be a required follow when creating an account.
Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 2, 2015
Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.— maura quint (@behindyourback) January 22, 2014
7. Karen Kilgariff
Karen has done it all and is constantly writing for television and performing onstage, yet still finds time to tweet hilarious jokes on a near constant basis. She does jokes, and she does them well.
Behind every YouTube star is an Ikea bookshelf— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) October 23, 2014
LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 28, 2015
8. Albertina Rizzo
Not only does she write the jokes your friends quote from the Internet, she writes the jokes your friends quote from late night television, as well. She's one of the best.
Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies.— albertina rizzo (@albz) July 27, 2012
There's no place like home. Unless you're a bee, in which case home is a terrible place filled with bees.— albertina rizzo (@albz) August 23, 2011
9. Aparna Nancherla
No one is better at making the simple more hilarious than Aparna. The only thing better than reading her tweets is watching her perform live. If she's doing a show near you, do yourself a favor and check it out.
Don't be part of the problem, be the whole problem— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 15, 2015
HEADS UP: if I can't get around you on the sidewalk, I join your family— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 13, 2012
10. Audrey Farnsworth
It's honestly not fair to see how funny Audrey is. Not only will you want to follow her, you'll want to turn on her notifications so there's not a chance you'll miss a single one of her tweets. She's the top one percent of funny.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 17, 2015
[god, creating ducks]— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
11. Gloria Fallon
Very few people can take the ordinary and spin it into something absolutely hilarious as well as Gloria. She tweets all the things that you wished you had thought of first.
I'll bet Shaq never signs things "Love, Shaq" because the B52s pretty much ruined that for him.— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) November 7, 2013
So much of being an adult is just not clicking the "Send" button— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) February 4, 2016
12. Lana Berry
If you have any interest in sports whatsoever and you're not following Lana, you're doing the Internet incorrectly. She makes watching sports better and provides all the breaking news in a way much more entertaining than following a bunch of sports news accounts.
if you bring a broom to a game and it ends up not being a sweep you should be required to help clean the stadium— Lana Berry (@Lana) October 6, 2014
seriously this is my favorite thing ever https://t.co/375gmIDiX6— Lana Berry (@Lana) November 2, 2015
She makes the kind of jokes that you don't just laugh at, you copy the link to the tweet and send it to 20 of your friends because you can't be the only one laughing like this in public.
I hope the guy who just cut me off in traffic has his fav book made into a movie & the characters are nothing like he imagined them— lindsey (@Lindzeta) May 7, 2014
They hid Wonka bars literally all over the world but the only people who found them were white people who spoke English.— lindsey (@Lindzeta) June 19, 2012
14. Megan Amram
Megan was one of the first must-follow comedy accounts on Twitter and, not only has she not burned out, she gets better every day. If not following isn't illegal, then it probably should be.
By the time he was my age, Lee Harvey Oswald had already shot a PRESIDENT. i haven't even shot a normal person— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 14, 2015
Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 4, 2015
I have never not been excited to see her name pop up in my timeline. She's quick-witted, sharp and can take a subject you never expected and spin it into something hilarious.
Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this— rats in paradise (@NicCageMatch) March 31, 2014
Overheard a woman telling another woman "It's $150 and she supplies all the turtles" and whatever it is, I'm in.— rats in paradise (@NicCageMatch) February 19, 2016
16. Tamara Yajia
Following her is more like an experience. She does things unlike anyone else and will make you rethink the way jokes can be told. She'll make you better at jokes.
At this very moment, all the Sesame Street characters are extremely still and lifeless with their eyes wide open— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 11, 2016
"Hola! I'm Señor Coconut, children"— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) November 18, 2015
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
"Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"
There really isn't a topic that she can't make hilarious and there also really isn't a topic that she can't relate to "Game of Thrones" or "Frozen." It's like an art form.
[Batman at McDonald's]— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 1, 2015
What's your chicken sandwich called?
And the rib?
[pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 2, 2014
18. Chelsea Lockwood
Chelsea is so funny that it's hard to imagine what my timeline was like before following her. If she ever decides to stop tweeting, they should fly all the flags at half-mast.
Lost my car keys so I'm forcing the guy at Home Depot to make me new ones based on what I remember about them.— Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) July 29, 2013
Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I'm in the bathroom. pic.twitter.com/IOo89Vypy7— Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) March 16, 2014
Not only is she consistently funny, she also constantly innovates the medium by creating movie scenes using emojis and words in her tweets. You honestly just have to see it for yourself and thank me later.
The fact that we know chameleons exist means they are worthless idiot failures— Paige (@PeachCoffin) September 19, 2014
[at nice restaurant] I'd like a table near your finest electrical outlet— Paige (@PeachCoffin) October 28, 2014
Just go read through her tweets. No pitch is necessary because as soon as you start scrolling through her timeline, you'll get what all the fuss is about. She is just about as funny as they get.
Hey Brenda, let's watch this cute kitten video!— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) March 5, 2014
*clicks on "Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?"*
Haha whoops wrong video but LET'S HEAR IT OUT
Why call it a belly button. It doesn't DO anything when you press it.— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) November 3, 2014
*click click click*
*neighbor's garage door slamming up and down*
21. Moody Monday
I'm not being the least bit dramatic when I saw that she's probably in my top three favorite accounts on all of Twitter. The only possible complaint I could have is that she doesn't tweet nearly enough. I check her timeline like she's giving away golden tickets to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we're together now.— moody monday (@mdob11) September 10, 2013
Me: Siri, why am I alone?— moody monday (@mdob11) July 8, 2015
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
She was one of the first people I followed on Twitter and, if you're just now looking for the best people to follow, here's where to start. She's one of the all-time greats.
what happens in aisle 15, stays in aisle 15 pic.twitter.com/Oy2RDCLwJT— side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) July 25, 2015
This woman at Whole Foods is choosing a bundle of asparagus more carefully than I chose my husband.— side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) November 20, 2014
23. Stephanie McMaster
No one is better at finding the hilarity in being a parent than Stephanie. She says the things you never realized you always thought. It's crazy to think that there are people who haven't followed her yet.
I wish there were a Scared Straight for cats and my cat could go to a shelter and hear how good she has it from cats who've seen some shit.— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) March 22, 2015
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) October 23, 2012
24. Liz Hackett
Liz should be a staple of your Twitter experience and slips in there almost every day with an absolutely amazing joke. It's crazy to think that one person could be as talented as she is.
Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, "I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 30, 2015
I feel like I'm not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don't cut and dye my hair and change my identity.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 16, 2014
25. Eireann Dolan
Eireann has one of the most brilliant voices I've ever had the pleasure of encountering. You won't find a better account to follow on Twitter than hers. She's the best of the best.
I'm not the most outgoing at a party but I'm great at smirking at my phone's weather app pretending I'm getting funny texts from friends— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) November 16, 2012
If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero who struggled with basic literacy.— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) December 12, 2011
I don't know how I started following her, but thank goodness I did, because she isn't one of those people that might put out a decent joke every once in a while. She's putting out top-notch stuff on such a consistent basis you'll question if she's actually some sort of joke writing robot. I'm fairly certain she's not, but you can't be too sure.
*whispers to an avocado*— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 25, 2014
"I'm the good kind of fat, too."
Top Movies Your Boyfriend Wants to Watch:— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 23, 2015
-An Idiot Saves the President
-Rich Boy Hero 4
-Silent Hero Journey Boy
-Fight Fight Fight
27. Eliza Bayne
There's a reason you see her jokes everywhere and that's because she's one of the best joke writers out there today. Seriously, her stuff is on TV, the Internet, in magazines and pretty much anywhere that a good joke could live. Save yourself the searching and just follow her brilliant account.
There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) January 6, 2013
If you accidentally get stuck holding the door for a bunch of people. 1. Relax 2. Accept your fate 3. You are part of the building now— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) August 2, 2013
28. Dani Fernandez
Not only is she one of the funniest people on the Internet, she's also one of the nicest. You'll measure your time on Twitter as "before following Dani" and "after following Dani."
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) January 6, 2015
Executioner: any last words Ashley?— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) February 24, 2015
Girl: its actually Ashleigh
Trust me, she'll become one of your favorite follows within days of adding her to your timeline. She's laugh out loud funny with a comedic voice that gets better with every post.
Very normal stages of anger:— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 7, 2014
1) kinda upset
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show
Breakfast: 3 eggs, toast with avocado— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) October 1, 2015
Dinner: 89 pizza rolls, 9 bowls of cereal, 4 thanksgiving dinners, 1 newborn baby
30. Mary Kobayashi
Instead of just posting jokes, Mary live tweets life, but in a way that's so entertaining and funny, you'll be upset she isn't your actual friend. Even if I didn't have an account, I would still bookmark Mary's page to keep up with it because it's simply fantastic.
Sorry when u called I was busy holding my phone in my hand and staring at it without blinking— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) December 6, 2013
Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) March 12, 2012
Related: The 100 Funniest Tweets Of 2015
1. Goldust and Stardust were on point! You know how long it takes to paint yourself gold? I do. Don't ask why.
2. Why wear an outfit when you could just shave your fandom into your head? I want to see this in two weeks when it starts growing out.
3. This Bray Wyatt costume was so good that I'm still not convinced it isn't actually Bray Wyatt.
4. Dressing as the Macho Man is a great way to walk around in public in your underwear all day.
5. You gotta shave that beard if you want to go full Undertaker. Otherwise you just look like Jimmy Garvin and The Undertaker had a baby boy.
6. Does a Mankind cosplay count as business casual attire?
7. Real parents dress their children up as popular early '90s WWF tag teams (in this case, Demolition). That's how you know they truly love you.
8. Who in the world would dress as The Nasty Boys at an event? Oh wait, that actually is The Nasty Boys.
9. What's better than a pair of grown men dressed as Ric Flair and Roddy Piper?
10. Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Macho Man and Hulk Hogan wrestling in the parking lot before Mania.
11. It's a New Day for Max Landis. Haha get it? Because that's the horn that New Day wears to the ring. Let me explain...
12. Props to Chad Brown for capturing this magical moment with faux Jim Cornette and Vader.
13. It's Super Mania man. Watching him walk around the stadium was much better than watching "Man of Steel" again.
14. How is she going to know who her father is if she never sees his face???
15. If you can't figure out which wrestler you want to be, just figure out a color that looks good on you and roll with it...
...Roll with it hard.
One final tip: Just don't use a Sharpie to make your shirt 45 minutes before WrestleMania, like this nerd.
For more from WrestleMania 32, follow Rob Fee on Instagram.
If you frequent the Oklahoma City "For Sale" items on Craigslist, you may have stumbled upon a sight that would give Chucky from the "Child's Play" films nightmares. Or a boner. Either way, it's not good. But hey, if the price is right.
Any takers? Here's the full listing if you want all the gory details. You'll notice next to "condition," they wrote "salvage." Nice touch. It's comforting to know she may have murdered the entire crew of a cargo ship before making her way onto your mantel.
Plus, she'll go great with your new children's costume, too!: This Creepy Winnie The Pooh Mask Is Freaking Everyone Out
Perhaps the only thing more popular than memes featuring a crying Michael Jordan on the Internet these days is porn, and after Jordan's alma mater North Carolina fell to Villanova on a buzzer-beating three-pointer in last night's national championship game, the Internet did not disappoint.
Television cameras picked up "His Airness" taking in the action numerous times, and memers took full advantage of it. Hell, even when MJ took the time to do an interview with Craig Sager, he wasn't safe from the "Crying Jordan" treatment:
UNC fans right now pic.twitter.com/yT3Hyjs8uh— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) April 5, 2016
IM OUT pic.twitter.com/Tfk71TmWa8— RYAN BUTLER (@RHYD1Z3L) April 5, 2016
This is my coup de grâce. pic.twitter.com/8SvlLU8m14— Ben Gibson (@CowboyOnPatrol) April 5, 2016
And of course our favorite:
Michael Jordan no longer cries when he is sad, he plays the piccolo. pic.twitter.com/GpUTI7SF6f— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) April 5, 2016
h/t Fox Sports
Jordan once killed a Russian tourist in Barcelona? 50 Things You Didn't Know About Michael Jordan