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Mandatory

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    0 0

    I trust nobody on this planet more than my wife. After her, it's probably my dad, my best friend Tom and my next-door neighbor who once helped me pull dental floss out of my dog's ass and to this day hasn't told a soul about it.

    But I don't trust any of them enough to hit a golf ball out of my mouth, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they all suck balls at golf. I mean, this kid trusted his buddy to hit a golf ball out of his mouth, and look what happened to him:

    A video posted by Golf (@golfgrinders) on


    Damn, Daniel. Surprisingly, most of the comments posted alongside the video on Instagram were from people who couldn't wait to give that a try, which means we're all really bored these days or just really stupid.

    h/t BroBible

    It doesn't work too well when you put the tee in the butt either: Model Sues Playboy For Hitting Her In Butt During 'Golf Tee In Butt' Stunt

     

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    0 0

    I think this is what people mean when they say you can be whatever you want when you grow up.

    Eva Tiamat Medusa, a 55-year-old transgender woman, claims to be the first person to have her ears and nose removed in order to become a "dragon." Although something tells me that not a lot of people are chomping at the bit to become a "dragon."


    Born Richard Hernandez, the Arizonan has gone through countless painful procedures in order to reach her dream of becoming a popular, mythical creature. Aside from having her ears and nose removed, those procedures include: tooth extraction, eye coloring, adding horns to her head, getting a forked tongue and oh yeah, getting a face full of tattoos.


    Her chest also resembles that of a lizard, because you know, if you're going to go for it you might as well just go for it 100 percent.
    Check out Eva before she woke up and decided she wanted to be on "Game of Thrones."


    "I am the Dragon Lady, A pre-op M2F (male to female) transgender in the process of morphing into a human dragon, becoming a reptoid as I shed my human skin and my physical appearance and my life as a whole leaving my humanness behind," Eva explains on her website. Makes sense.

    "I don't care what people say about me or my views," Eva adds. "And if I have to I will defy and stand alone against the world, but never will I make any compromise to my integrity."

    Well, she certainly doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks; you gotta give her that.

    Check out the video below to learn more about Eva and her transformation:


    h/t Daily Mail

    At least she has company: English Guy Has His Ears Cut Off To Look Like His Pet Parrots

     

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    0 0

    Maybe the pooper was raised by German Shepherds.

    According to KFBK, an 18-year-old Stockton man was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon Sunday night after he chased down a guy who dropped a deuce on his lawn and then stabbed him in the head with a knife.

    Stockton man stabs guy who pooped on his lawn
    Police said Lonale Shaw witnessed the man taking a dump in his yard and then grabbed a knife. A brief chase ensued, and Shaw was able to jump on the man when he fell. Shaw then stabbed the man in the head but dropped the knife when the man fought back.

    After a brief struggle, police said the lawn pooper picked up the knife and stabbed Shaw in the neck with it. At the end of the day, it was Shaw who was arrested and not the pooper. Although, you have to think the police reminded him that he wasn't living in India and encouraged him to use a toilet the next time around.

    Maybe this guy moved to Stockton: There's A Serial Pooper On The Loose In Portland

     

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    0 0

    virtual reality sex suit, Tenga Illusion VR
    Attention all perverted weirdos: the future of your evolution is here. But don't think for a second it will make you seem any less creepy. The good folks at Japanese "adult concept" company Tenga are the ones responsible for the VR sex suits pictured above. And since we know you are dying to find out, here they are in action:

    virtual reality sex suit, Tenga Illusion VR

    virtual reality sex suit, Tenga Illusion VR
    As you can see (and according to Inside Reality), the suit is a full-body experience, stimulating your senses via an Oculus Rift VR headset which is compatible with a a game called "Sexy Beach." The hope is to eventually make it so you can have intimate cyber meet-ups with fellow body suit enthusiasts in the near future. Speaking of which, the suit itself sends out electrical impulses to simulate the feeling of another person rubbing up against you (don't worry, that's not the saddest sentence I've ever written or anything). So even if you haven't stuck your member into the actual Tenga device that strokes you just right, there's still a chance you could climax without it (that's the saddest sentence I've ever written). Call me crazy, but I'd be a bit apprehensive to put my penis in anything that looks and moves like this:

    virtual reality sex suit, Tenga Illusion VR
    But hey, maybe I'm just a prude. For those already frantically searching the Internet for their own personal Illusion VR suit, you'll be happy to learn that they sell for a reasonable $400. However, you'll be less excited when you find out they have already sold out. If I had to guess, it's the additional appendage which sits on your sternum and doubles as squeezable boobs that put the new invention over the top with consumers. And that just about covers this story. Play us out, strangest video of all time!


    (h/t Maxim)

    Just when you thought you'd seen enough: Here's What Happens When Senior Citizens Test Out Virtual Reality Porn

     

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    0 0

    Charlotte McKinney is a girl who just gives and gives, and now we're giving you her hottest GIFs from all over the Internet. The busty blonde Carl's Jr. girl who gave us one of the sexiest commercials ever is on the move in these revealing bikini and topless GIFs, from sexy shoots with GQ to things too hot for any camera to handle. They say God doesn't give with both hands, but we believe Charlotte McKinney gives with both boobs (and very kindly, we might add).

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    How about some more glorious sideboob?

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    Maybe you could use some more sexy backside cleavage?

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    Charlotte McKinney GIF, charlotte mckinney nipple, charlotte mckinney boobs, boob gifs

     

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    0 0
  • 04/06/16--04:15: Today's Funny Photos
  • Have you ever gone to the refrigerator and stood there with the door open for at least a full minute just staring at everything and then realize you aren't really even hungry or thirsty? It's like, what the hell were you doing there in the first place, right? Man, we are a weird species. Here's some funnies.

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    Did you know? We're on Twitter and Instagram, too.

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    Also check out: Yesterday's Funny Photos

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    More: All The Funny Photos You Can Handle

     

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    0 0

    Not all photos convey a clear story, but this one's pretty difficult to misinterpret. Obviously, the woman below is attempting to screw around on her husband, but she's also a hopeless romantic who happens to love the song Escape by Rupert Holmes. This is simply her way of revamping the tale behind the classic tune for a modern audience.

    wife cheating husband tinder profile, wife on tinder, husband on tinder
    Or maybe her husband's just a cheating dirtbag. Perhaps we read into this one a little too much.

    (via Memewhore)

    Related: This Guy Had 'Star Wars' Ruined For Him Thanks To His Cheating Girlfriend

     

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    0 0

    You may think boogers are simply dried snot in your nasal area, but these crusty little nose diamonds, made of water, germs, dust and pollen that get trapped in your tiny nose hairs mixed with snot and mucus, are so much more. What you may not know are these wildly exciting facts about where they come from, where they're going, how healthy the booger diet is and what we call people who have a serious booger-picking problem. Whatever lies ahead you didn't know about boogers, we promise you, it snot good.

    1. There's no scientific word for the booger, but there is for nose picking.
    It's called rhinotillexomania. That's "rhino," referring to the nose and "mania," referring to a great big good time. Should you be a recovering rhinotillexomaniac, good luck staying in a relationship if you fall off the wagon.

    10 Things You Didn't Know About Boogers
    2. The average (healthy) nose produces more than 34 ounces of snot per day.
    Yeah, that's on a good day. It's much more when you're not well. And yes, to answer your question, that is more than a big gulp.

    3. It's not necessarily unhealthy to eat your own boogers.
    It's just disgusting as hell. Mucus that is produced and passes through the nose goes into the stomach where it's broken down. So one way or another, it's going to the same place. It may also aid in the immune system's response to bacteria, should you start to get sick. However, mucus does contain harmful material so perhaps foregoing boogers altogether is even healthier, perhaps a little less horrifying to witness.

    10 Things You Didn't Know About Boogers
    4. One out of four people pick their nose each day. One out of five pick five or more times per day.
    Basically with every four people you see, one of them is a picker, but one out of every five is a little gold digger. A large percentage of adults eat their boogers, too. People say kids are the booger eaters of the world, but studying psychologists claim most people pick their nose at some point or another. Whether or not they're knuckle deep, fetching, retrieving and piling them on a plate for brunch is hard to determine, but most adults will penetrate their nasal cavity at one point or another.

    5. The booger barometer tells you what stage of sickness you're in.
    The standard code green booger arrives during a cold, usually as the body is starting to get past its sickness. We cannot speak for St. Patty's Day boogers, though. Yellow or white boogers are typically the first couple days of a cold, and clear (and runny) boogers can be regarded as first line of defense against a bacterial attack.

    10 Things You Didn't Know About Boogers
    6. Iguanas are the sneezers of the animal kingdom.
    That's how they rid their bodies of certain salt during the digestive process. Have you ever seen an iguana sneeze? There's a funny punchline in there somewhere.

    7. A sneeze has the potential to travel at 30 to 100 miles per hour.
    And a sneeze can launch a booger, however minute, up to 30 feet in the air. This does not include the farmer blow, which is a voluntary man-made sneeze with incredibly catapulting capabilities.

    10 Things You Didn't Know About Boogers
    8. A single sneeze can send more than 100,000 germs into the air.
    So cover your face, dammit!

    9. Some components of boogers are considered cleansing agents for medical devices, as opposed to just germ-ridden gems.
    Mucin is known as one of the greatest germ repellers, destroying that layer of bacteria commonly found in hospitals and other germ-ridden places people go. It's so much a repeller that researchers have thought about using it to coat their medical equipment. Can you imagine going to the doctor and seeing snot and boogers all over everything? That's a booger miner's heaven!

    10 Things You Didn't Know About Boogers
    10. The main difference between broccoli and boogers for kids is that kids won't eat their broccoli.
    A little booger humor for the road. Happy picking!

    Sources:
    Boogie Wipes
    io9
    Bathroom Reader

     

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    0 0

    If you're feeling kind of crummy about your home office because it currently contains just your computer, printer and your own crippling self-doubt, you should stop feeling down because you have not quite seen truly depressing home offices.

    Take a look at 15 home offices that are sad, horrible and just plain baffling.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    I really hope that's a picture of himself.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    Home is where the trash is.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    Cigarettes, beer, red bull and bottles of piss. Must be a writer's work area.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    And this is after Spring cleaning.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    The Coke headquarters aren't as nice as I expected.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    I'm just going to assume this is where the kidnapping victim was held.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    I didn't grant permission for a picture of my keyboard to be used.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    I think this is post-apocalypse.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    I'm trying to figure out how many dreams were broken here.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    "Girls won't find us here."

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    An abundance of beer is the only way to get through work.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    Another crime scene photo.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    When you spend all your money on your NYC rent and now this is all the furniture you can afford.

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    There's a trash bag. Progress!

    The Saddest Home Offices You'll Ever See
    "How did I end up here?"

    Via Sad And Useless

    Might be better heading to the office: Working From Home VS. Working At The Office

     

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    0 0

    As much as you try to convince yourself that you're a mature adult, it becomes evident fairly quickly that you aren't when you start chuckling at unintentional sexual innuendos. And there are plenty of those below, enough for you to find yourself laughing at your desk trying to figure out why you're still an immature kid. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Here are 17 pictures that pretty much remind us what dirty minds we have.

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter

    18 Pictures That Confirm We All Have Our Minds In The Gutter
    Via Pleated- Jeans

    And then we have these useless signs: 18 Of The Dumbest, Most Unnecessary Signs Ever Created

     

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    When Floridians aren't involved in the most horrible, most bizarre crimes, they are busy taking out massive alligators.

    15ft Cattle-Eating Alligator Shot Dead In Florida
    A 15-foot alligator that was hiding out at Outwest Farms and killing cows was shot dead after farm owner Lee Lightsey and his hunting guide Blake Godwin took it down. The pair had to get within 20 feet of the huge alligator in order to get a clear shot.

    "We have come across lots over the last 20 years that have been only a little smaller," Lee Says. "But what really drew our attention to this animal was the fact that it seems to have been feasting on the cattle on my farm -- because mutilated body parts were found in the water."

    15ft Cattle-Eating Alligator Shot Dead In Florida
    "It was a monster which needed to be removed," Lee adds.

    (Sounds like he's describing Donald Trump, am I right?)

    But don't worry alligator lovers, the alligator's meat will be donated to charity and its skin stuffed. It will also be displayed at hunting shows, so it's got that going for it, which is nice.

    Thanks, Florida.

    (Photos via Facebook)

    h/t Daily Star

    Makes sense: Guy Yells 'F**k That Alligator,' Immediately Gets Eaten By Alligator

     

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    0 0

    Plus-size model Iskra Lawrence has continued to rise up the modeling ranks, starring in fashion campaigns and turning heads. But as your popularity grows, so does the number of people who enjoy bashing you for no reason. And that is exactly what happened on Instagram when one commenter decided to bash Iskra.

    An Instagram commenter went out of his way to call Iskra a "fat cow" and to state that people are "obese" like her because they eat too many bags of chips.

    Well, instead of just shrugging the comments off, Iskra decided to not only call out the commenter, but to post this photo on her Instagram:


    And Iskra had one more response for the commenter, this time in a slow motion video format:

    ✨😝Had to make a #slow-mo too😂...This is for anyone who has ever been called FAT. Thanks for the inspirational words on a recent pic @zseanzbrown 👇🏼 "Fat cow. It's only cus every F****r on this planet is obese that that's the norm... Plus-size models? give me a F*****g breaking. Everyone needs to stop eating McDonald's, the NHS is f****d because of people like her eating too many bags of crisps." Ps I do not condone binge eating. I eat whatever I want in moderation. I will eat crisps but I'll also make healthy home cooked meals and workout regularly. The message is who gives a F what anyone else thinks of you. YOU are the only one who decides yourself worth✨ And sorry I'm usually not rude or give anyone the finger but these online trolls smdh 😂😂😂 #iskralawrence #everyBODYisbeautiful

    A video posted by 🌙iskra✨ (@iamiskra) on


    Everyone needs to stop being an asshole, and just enjoy a bag of chips.

    Here's more of Iskra: 'Plus-Size' Model Iskra Lawrence Shares Unedited Ass Selfie

     

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    0 0

    The beauty of "when you see it" photos is that they require only a slight amount of concentration for a major payoff. And that's really all there is to it. Happy hunting!

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    (via Imgur)

    In case you missed the first round: 17 of Our Favorite 'When You See It' Photos

     

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    0 0

    Do you like scary stories? The following cases are completely real, and completely terrifying. If you're nursing or pregnant, we recommend skipping this and moving on to cat videos.

    1. An incestuous family of 40 was found in a remote Australian colony sexually abusing each other.
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    You might just want to stop here if you get queasy. The family lived in the hills of New South Wales, and were the result of four generations of inbreeding. One family member named Kimberly, 13, described to local authorities having sex with her two uncles, aged 9 and 12, and regularly sleeping with her cousin Joe. They lived in two broken-down caravans, two tents and two sheds. With no running water or sewage, most members of the Colt family lived with debilitating mental and physical conditions in this real-life rendition of "The Hills Have Eyes."

    2. A South Carolina woman found her ex-boyfriend living in her attic 12 years after they broke up.
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    One night in September 2012, a woman only known to the media as Tracy woke up to thuds and nails protruding from the ceiling. She told her older sons to check it out. As Tracy told the local news, "They found a man. He had packed all the old coats and jackets into the heating unit and was sleeping in the heating unit." The man turned out to be her long lost flame. Upon further investigation they found the obligatory feces and urine in soda cups. To make matters worse, there was a vent above Tracy's bed which allowed him to peer down at her while she slept. When her sons forced him to leave, he casually strolled out of the house smiling. He's been on the run from the cops ever since.

    3. Morbidly obese psychopath Joe "The Cannibal" Metheny created hamburgers with the remains of two prostitutes he killed, selling them to neighbors: "I opened up a little open-pit beef stand. I had real roast beef and pork sandwiches. They were very good."
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    From 1976 all the way up to the '90s, Metheny accumulated quite the murderous resume. On more than one occasion, the fat cannibal bastard couldn't help but mix killing with his favorite pastime, eating. "The human body taste was very similar to pork. If you mix it together, no one can tell the difference," he said.

    In his trailer one night in 1996, a woman escaped from his clutches and booked it to the cops. "I turned around for a split second. She ran out the door," he explained. "There was an eight-foot chain link fence with barbwire on top of it around the front. There was a stack of wooden pallets next to the fence about 10 feet high. That bitch scaled those pallets like a monkey and jumped the fence, and ran down the main road." Metheny was sentenced to death, but in 2000, it was overturned for a life sentence.

    4. Overtoun Bridge in Scotland has seen 50 dogs jump to their deaths.
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    In one six-month span in 2005, five dogs killed themselves. Almost every dog has been of the long-snout breed (labs, collies and retrievers), and virtually every case happened on a clear, sunny day. To round off the weirdness, every suicide happened in the same spot. Some residents claim the bridge is haunted, and since dogs are particularly attuned to the paranormal, they act out.

    5. A Toronto woman was at home watching Netflix with her boyfriend on a computer when it was unknowingly hacked, receiving pictures via Facebook the next morning with a creepy message: "Realy,cute couple [sic]"
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    Nothing is safe, not even Netflix and chilling. In July 2015, the couple was watching "Adventure Time," said Chelsea Clark, when, "We obviously had no idea it was taking place in the moment, but retroactively it was like a really, really deeply creepy feeling. It was very unnerving. I mean it was like there's someone just in your home with you."

    The next morning, Clark logged into Facebook only to find a message from one Mahmoud Abdo (she had security controls on her Facebook allowing only friends to message her). The hacker was traced all the way to Cairo, Egypt, but experts said the likely culprit was someone they knew.

    6. A Russian girl named Olga called her mother and spoke to her three times as she was being mauled by bears.
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    Olga Moskalyova and her stepdad Igor were camping on a river in eastern Siberia when a mother bear spotted them. The bear quickly killed the stepfather, breaking his neck and smashing his skull, only to set her eyes on the younger Olga. She managed to sprint 70 yards before the powerful creature pulled her to the ground.

    "Mum, the bear is eating me! Mum, it's such agony. Mum, help!" Olga told her mother in the first phone call. She thought she was joking, but eventually heard the horror in her daughter's voice and the sounds of a bear chewing and growling.

    A little later, Olga called back: "Mum, the bears are back. She came back and brought her three babies. They're... eating me." The mother called the local village and asked them to send help. But it wouldn't come soon enough. One hour after the first call, the shocked mum received one final call: "Mum, it's not hurting anymore. I don't feel the pain. Forgive me for everything. I love you so much." They found the mutilated bodies of Olga and her stepdad at the scene.

    7. On October 21, 1978, pilot Frederick Valentich radioed air traffic control saying he was being followed by a UFO on a routine flight along the Bass Strait in Australia.
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    "It's approaching from due east towards me. It seems to be playing some sort of game...flying at a speed I can't estimate. It's not an aircraft. It's...it is flying past. It is a long shape. I cannot identify more than that. It's coming for me right now," Valentich first reported. He also noted that the figure was illuminated by four bright landing lights, and that it would stop, stationery, and orbit around his Cessna 182.

    The last thing Melbourne flight authorities heard before losing contact with him was the sound of scraping metal. They scoured 1,000 square miles for the wreckage, but couldn't find a thing. Locals eventually came forward and reported seeing a UFO the same night it happened. Valentich's final words were, "It's not an aircraft," before losing contact. The plane was never found.

    8. Every owner of the phone number 0888-888-888 has died.
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    In the span of five years, three owners perished. In 2001, mobile company CEO Vladimir Grashnov died of cancer. Two years later, mafioso Konstantin Dimitrov was assassinated while out on a date. In 2005, real estate agent Konstantin Dishliev was killed eating lunch. The one common denominator -- besides the fact that each of these men were involved in crooked affairs -- was the number. The company in charge of providing it, Mobitel, discontinued the number to thwart further "incidents."

    9. A man in Japan found a homeless woman living in his cupboard, where she had been for a year, after noticing food was missing.
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    This strange story out of Fukuoka -- not pronounced "F--k you OK" -- happened in 2008. The owner of the house set up a security camera which sent video to his phone, and one day at work he caught the squatter, 58-year-old Tatsuko Horikawa. "We searched the house, checking everywhere that someone could possibly hide," police spokesman Hiroki Itakura said. "We then slid open the closet door, there she was, curled up nervously on her side." Fuk that.

    10. There's a place called "Island of the Dolls," which, you guessed it, is home to hundreds of mutilated dolls hanging on trees and fences.
    true stories that make you go nope, true scary stories, island of the dolls
    As the story goes, around 60 years ago Don Julian Santana moved to an island on the canals of Xochimico, a borough situated on the outskirts of Mexico City. One day he went down to the water's edge, where he saw a young girl floating dead in the water. He began an obsessive quest.

    Whenever he would see a doll floating in the water, he would pick it up and hang it wherever he could. Eventually, he would trade homegrown fruits and vegetables for dolls to build upon his creation. But this is where it gets weird. In 2001, Don Julian was found dead, floating in the water in the same exact spot he found the little girl. To this day, hundreds of spooky, headless, armless dolls adorn Isla de las Munecas, which is now a morbid tourist attraction for only the bravest of souls.

    11. An Atlanta couple found blood oozing from their house in 1987, where cops found blood splattered in five other rooms, including the basement, with no leads whatsoever.
    true stories that make you go nope, true scary stories, atlanta couple blood house
    Minnie Winston, 77, woke up her husband when she found a strange red substance in the kitchen. "Come look at all this red stuff coming out of the floors," she told him. At first, she didn't think it was blood, but forensics surely cleared the case, deeming it human, and type O. The detective on the case, Steve Cartwright, said, "It's an extremely strange situation. I've been on the force for 10 years, and I've never seen anything like this." The case remains unsolved.

     

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    I shouldn't have to remind you that cheating is a pretty shitty thing to do. And cheating on your partner while they are overseas putting their life on the line for you is a hell of a lot worse. So let's all just steer clear of a situation like that or we might just end up like the man below.

    It seems like the dude in this story reached out to 5Bravo looking for advice on how to handle the woman he's sleeping with, as he's concerned she won't stay faithful when he deploys. The only problem is the woman is already married to a soldier who is currently deployed.

    Check out the exchange below:

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned

    Guy Admits He's Cheating With A Soldier's Wife, Gets Owned
    Upon further inspection, it seems everyone in this text conversation is a total asshole.

    Via Imgur

    Caught red-handed: Veteran Returns Home To Find Wife Cheating On Him, Catches It On Film

     

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    Picking up your friend on the edge of a pool and trying to perform a suplex. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

    Well, this:


    Remember when your mom used to bitch and holler at you and your friends when you were running, dicking around or snapping each other in the ass with your towels when you were near the edge of pool? Well, these two nimrods just learned the hard way that there's a good reason why we were getting yelled at. It's dangerous, bro.

    h/t Uproxx

    Still don't think running by the pool is a bad idea? Spring Break Bro Slips While Trying To Jump In Pool, Kicks Girl In Face Instead

     

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    With all the chaos that is occurring in the world today, it is no surprise that everyone wants to be extremely careful, so you can't blame the person who was concerned when they heard a "humming sound" coming from a trash can.

    It all started when an employee at a casino in the town of Halberstadt in Saxony-Anhalt called police after she heard the noise coming from the garbage in the men's bathroom. Police quickly did their job and evacuated about 90 people. And then in came the bomb squad.

    Vibrating Cock Ring Causes Bomb Scare In Germany
    Well, the bomb squad didn't find any bombs, but they did find the reason for the "humming sound." The culprit? A cock ring. Someone was really, really enjoying themselves at the casino.

    "Whoever deposited the object intentionally there isn't yet known," the police said.

    Police did add that a criminal investigation is underway to find the culprit, but something tells me finding him may be rather...hard.

    Vibrating Cock Ring Causes Bomb Scare In Germany
    (Photo via Focus.de)

    h/t BuzzFeed

    But hey, sometimes it's not all bad: This Lyft Driver Turned A Forgotten Sex Toy Into A Hookup Opportunity

     

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    Oops.

    According to Town Hall, a panic briefly ensued at Indiana University in Bloomington Monday night when a number of students took to social media to warn others that a KKK member holding a whip was spotted on campus.

    But it turned out to be a "hilarious miscommunication" because the KKK member was actually...wait for it...a Dominican Friar getting frozen yogurt. Oh, and that whip? You guessed it: It was really a rosary.

    friar at Indiana University mistaken for KKK member
    An R.A. named Ethan G. was so concerned about the man that he sent a message to his residents, warning them that a KKK member was making his presence known on campus.

    friar at Indiana University mistaken for KKK member
    Thankfully, the "Klansman" was really Father Jude McPeak, O.P., a "Dominican Friar and an Associate Pastor/Campus Minister at IU's St. Paul Catholic Center" who just happened to be craving some frozen yogurt. Upon seeing the picture, the R.A. issued an update to his warning that told his residents not to be afraid of the "priest."

    Hey, shit happens, but let's just hope they don't panic the next time somebody mistakes a campus blood drive for a collection of heroin addicts.

    Here are a few KKK members getting the shit kicked out them: Counter-Protesters Brawl With KKK Members At Anaheim Rally (Graphic Footage)

     

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    His game is almost as impressive as his lack of awareness.

    According to Total Frat Move, a professor at Michigan State University was about to begin a lecture using the classroom projector when his sexts between him and a coworker with a "bod so hot, she's gotta keep it covered up" popped up on the screen.

    michigan state professor tent pole on projector
    Either this professor just finished watching "The Ring," or his face has been blurred out for legal reasons. Regardless, the sexts on the screen are also rather blurry, but the guys at TFM have transcribed exactly what this guy's students had the pleasure of reading.

    Man: And I got the hiding part. I just know if I knew you had them on as we were going through our day, I'd have a tent pole in the front of my pants all day...

    Woman: That would be awkward for students

    Man: Yeah, Just let me know after I lecture so I can sit at my desk the rest of the day

    Woman: *Thumbs Up*

    Man: *Bomb Emoji* shell

    Man: You're *Fire Emoji*

    Man: Believe me?

    Woman: Some days


    Hey, if you're one of this professor's students, you've been warned: Don't ever, and I mean ever, look under his desk, especially when he's sitting there.

    None of my middle school teachers looked like this: Utah Middle School Teacher Is Being Accused Of Having A 'Pornographic' Instagram

     

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    We all get mistaken for a celebrity now and then. When I was younger, I'd get a lot of "Are you Haley Joel Osment's uglier twin brother?" and "Honey, look, it's Ferris Bueller's lame friend!" OK, those are horrible examples, but the point is, it's not fun. Well, unless you are Kevin Hart. After a female "fan" accidentally mistook the "Ride Along" actor for fellow funnyman Chris Rock, he couldn't help but play the part. In fact, he even posted the exchange to Instagram.

    These are the moments that keep me Humble 😂😂😂😂😂..... #RockTheWorld #AllYouCanDoIsLaugh

    A video posted by Kevin Hart (@kevinhart4real) on


    Kudos to Hart for not making a scene or getting offended in the moment. Leave that to the comments section.

    Related: 25 People Who Think They Are Posing with Celebrities

     

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