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Mandatory

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    Ariel Winter, who plays the nerdy Alex Dunphy on ABC's "Modern Family," has been on a social media hot streak lately. (Emphasis on "hot.") Her latest string of photos will keep the streak going.

    Winter went on vacation to the Bahamas with her boyfriend last week. Lucky for us, she posted pictures from the trip. Lots of them. And all of them involved a very tiny bikini.

    When you write yours and bae's name in the sand @atlantisresort #bahamas 😉❤️

    A photo posted by Ariel Winter (@arielwinter) on



    ☀️ @atlantisresort #bahamas

    A photo posted by Ariel Winter (@arielwinter) on



    Beach bums 🌴 on #springbreak @atlantisresort #bahamas

    A photo posted by Ariel Winter (@arielwinter) on

     

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    We're not sure how many words in the English language the average grizzly bear can understand, but it looks as though this one has a pretty good grip on what the f-word is all about.

    Some dude and his pal Dusty were hiking through Alaska last summer when they came upon a massive grizzly bear who didn't take too kindly to their presence. The bear "stood up to charge," and without bear spray or a gun, the guy said he had no choice but to "appear (as) a threat or at least a difficult meal."

    It appears as though a little coarse language didn't hurt his cause either:


    Fortunately for the dude, the bear was intimidated by his yelling and curse words, and both he and his buddy were able to leave "The Last Frontier" with a pulse instead of in bits and pieces thrown inside a coffin.

    Despite being just a c-hair shy of a year old, the video went viral after being posted to Reddit on Friday, where according to "Senor_Tucan," the dude could have expected the same result if he would have yelled "I'M NOT GOING TO YOUR F**KING DINNER PARTY MARLENE!"

    h/t BroBible

    This guy probably said the same thing to his coworker after this prank:Dude Dresses In Bear Costume And Scares The Crap Out Of His Coworker

     

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    Geez. What happens when this girl's mom forgets to pack a Fruit Roll-Up in her lunch?

    According to WBTW, a goalkeeper for the Pine Forest High School girls soccer team was suspended for two games after she delivered a vicious hit on an opposing player near the end of a recent game.


    Pine Forest was undefeated heading into their match against Pinecrest, and down 4-1 with time expiring, that was apparently goalie Cassie Sturtz's way of dealing with defeat.

    Personally, I think a two-game suspension isn't even close to being enough for nearly decapitating your opponent simply because you can't handle losing a meaningless soccer game. Then again, maybe officials with the North Carolina Soccer Referees Association are afraid that Sturtz will do the same thing to them if they enforce any further punishment.

    Our advice? You guessed it: Fellas, if Sturtz asks you to be her date to the prom this week, either say yes and go through with it or transfer schools.

    This clown thought a meaningless soccer game was worth getting charged with attempted manslaughter: Turkish Soccer Player Gets Attempted Manslaughter Charge After Kicking Opponent In Face

     

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  • 04/11/16--04:06: Today's Funny Photos
  • Welcome back to the week. Yeah, Mondays suck (just ask Garfield) but today's funny photos rule. So just sit back, scroll, and laugh and forget about the fact that we have a whole work week ahead of us. If these photos don't do the trick, check us out on Twitter and Instagram.

    funny pics

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    Check out more funny photos.

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    Check out more funny photos.

    funny pics

    funny pics

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    funny pics

    funny pics

    funny pics
    Check out more funny photos.

     

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    If you've got a functioning dick, it will occasionally go rogue on you. Simple as that. Sometimes the surprising salute occurs in a nice, safe place like the movie theater under the shade of darkness where you can hide out until the flag makes its way slowly down the flagpole. But more often than not, the rebellious rager pops up out of the blue, just where you don't want it to. This is usually embarrassing. But sometimes, it's not just embarrassing, it's dangerous (either physically speaking or when it comes to getting into heaven).

    Yoga Class
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, yoga class
    It's almost like they don't want straight guys to participate in yoga at all, what with all those yoga pants all over the place. How the heck are you not supposed to bone up when you Om up? Perhaps though, that's really what the yogis want you to do. Apparently, as I'm just finding out, there's a bunch of yoga poses that will help you "improve" your erection and bump up your overall testosterone levels. In other words, a boner in yoga class will make you a better man.


    The Airport
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, airport tsa
    It's embarrassing enough to be singled out for a TSA pat down because you look like you might be carrying a bomb. But it's a lot more embarrassing when they find you're packing something else explosive...in your pants. And there's a good chance the TSA goons will detain you until that weapon is holstered, which could take a while. Believe me, there's nothing worse than having to tell your mother you'll need to be picked up late because you missed the flight on account of a rogue boner. Honestly though, a good rule to live by, which I didn't learn until much later in life, is to never discuss boner-related matters with your mother.


    Ballet Rehearsal/Performance
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, ballet
    I'm no Mikhail Baryshnikov, but there's a reason for that: FOME, aka Fear Of Massive Erection. Proportionally speaking, of course. If not for such an omnipotent fear (which is quite the opposite of an impotent fear), who knows to what heights I could have soared as a ballerino. Seriously, I just googled male ballet dancer, and it's really that, ball-er-ino. Which I would have loved to have been known as. Alas, the dangerous combination of tight pants and FOME got in the way.


    Ventilation Duct
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, ventilation duct
    If you've ever tried to escape from prison, you know as well as I that there is nothing worse than thwarting a well-made plan with an immovable hard-on. And the same goes for pretty much any plan that necessitates you being in a ventilation duct -- bank robbing, hostage saving, Mission Impossible-ing, whatever. You know how long it took for Bruce Willis to get unstuck before they could finally nail the ventilation scene in "Die Hard"? And that's just a movie. When you put such plans into do or die, sidle-up-a-ventilation-shaft action, you simply have to factor in the real-world possibility that an erection could foil the whole thing.


    In the Bathroom (While Peeing)
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, peeing bathroom
    As you probably saw in our helpful infographic about "How to Pee with Morning Wood," urinating with a boner is a skill. And it's only mastered with practice. But no matter how much practice you have with it, presumably every morning, you still can't quite get it all in the bowl. It's nearly impossible to be 100 percent accurate while taking a whiz with a erection. Even one percent of pee on your floor is terrible. You're peeing on your own floor. And you can't even help it, you animal!


    Grandma's House
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, grandma's house
    Whenever I stayed over at my grandparents' house, I had to sleep in the living room on the hideaway. Which was great because I could watch TV all night long. But in the morning, when Nana and Papa would get up to make a proper breakfast at 5:45 a.m., they'd inevitably drop something, and whatever dream was rousing my morning wood would immediately turn to grandparents. In their robes. Making coffee. Cutting up fruit. Dicing onions for the eggs. And here's me, like eight feet away through the paper thin sliding door, at full alert. Grandparents and erections don't mix, man. They're polar opposites and should be kept as such. It's the kind of thing that can ruin a perfectly good omelet.


    Grandma's Funeral
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, grandma's funeral
    As bad as it is sporting wood in front of your living grandma, it's much worse being proud below the navel at your grandma's funeral. First of all, because you loved your grandma. Unfortunately, so did everyone else. And now all her old friends want to give you sympathy hugs. Like Aunt Roz, who's not really an aunt, and likes what she feels, and refuses to let go.


    The Beach
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, beach
    There's just nowhere to hide. A towel will only cover up so much. Odds are good, if you're partying on the beach, you lost your towel long ago. So it's only you, your molten manhood, and some flimsy shorts just hanging out in the middle of Boob Central. And if your swim trunks are at all wet, forget about that thing going away any time soon. Not until you go jump in the ocean and work one out. And then the cum-suckling karma sharks come swimming. Next thing you know, you're dead, man. You're f**king dead.


    In Church
    very worst places to get an erection, very worst places to get a boner, church
    I swear I'm not just shamelessly plugging Mandatory writer Tommy Gimler's b-side classic "Boner in Church," but he does have a point: Church is just a bad place for such banana sprouting (especially if you're a Jewish kid). First of all, there's a lot of rising and sitting, which is uncomfortable under any circumstances, let alone one where the Holy Father, Son, Ghost, Mary and Joseph are all casting disapproving eyes upon you and your depravity. And they're not the only ones with eyes on your unholy HoHo; the Priest knows just what to do with sinners like you.

     

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    The anus is an amazing organ. Much like the female uterus, it is capable of expanding to great widths. But in these cases, objects considerably more sinister than a baby -- depending on your outlook -- were smuggled deep down where the sun don't shine. Only weeks ago, we explored this subject as it pertains to vaginas; this time, we're going for the ass.

    100 Bags of Heroin
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, rasoul speight heroin
    Rasoul Speight was a Bloods gang member out of New Jersey. In February 2013, he and his crony were pulled over by cops. They searched his car and found nothing, but took him in because he had outstanding warrants. Drum roll please...a grand total of 100 bags of heroin were seized from this gangsta's bum. You got the juice now, homie.


    Phone and Two Hands-Free Kits
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, s siripala phone hands-free kits
    S. Siripala was talking to a friend in his prison cell one night when security guards came in for a surprise check. With lightning-quick reflexes, he stuffed his cell phone and two hands-free kits in his asshole. Everything was chill until his buddy called back.

    "Ring, ring." It alerted the Sri Lankan prison guards -- there will be a few Sri Lankan people on this list, and I apologize to our Sri Lankan readers for singling you out, but gosh, there's a lot of butt smuggling going on in your country -- who beat his ass when they heard the call. Siripala was writhing in pain, so they decided to take him to the hospital. According to a source, the 58-year-old stopped, stood there and said, "Sir, sir, please give me a moment." He coughed and wriggled, and the mobile equipment fell from his bung.


    Two Cell Phones, Two Batteries, One Pair of Pliers, Two Drill Bits, Eight Small Hacksaws, Five Nails and Three SIM Cards
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, andre silva de jesus cell phones pliers drill bits hacksaws nails sim cards
    Twenty-three objects. Aisle seven at Ace Hardware. A personal toolbox for the DIY enthusiast. A man named Andre Silva de Jesus was reportedly visiting a Brazilian prison to "meet a friend" when guards noticed that he was nervous. Nervous is impressive; shitting literal razor blades is expected. So they quarantined the 35-year-old wizard and presumably cleaned everything before they snapped the above photo. We hope.


    A Pound of Gold
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, sri lanka gold smuggling
    As it is with every case that has to do with shoving something up your ass, officials at Bandaranaike International Airport in Sri Lanka noticed a man "walking suspiciously." Of course, he had gold bars in his rectum, totaling $13,932. The 42-year-old was just one of 70 people arrested in Sri Lanka for the exact same thing in 2015 (they were headed to India, where it's profitable to sell gold smuggled from neighboring countries).


    A Half-Pound of Meth
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, bruno knight meth
    The tweets stopped on July 16, and so did his career as a gay porn star. British actor Bruno Knight was arrested for trying to take three bags of meth from LAX to London in 2014. They noticed he was acting erratic and sweating through his mesh top (we assume it was mesh), and he confessed that he indeed smuggled poopy-flavored meth in his professional bottom.

    He was sentenced to two years after revealing to authorities that he is HIV positive and intended to distribute. On a side note, according to his bio on Al's Gay Porn Stars, Knight was into "leather, fisting, water sports, S&M and more vanilla activities between the sheets." Hey, I'm into water sports, too! To end out this detail-heavy story, he also once played an airport security agent who searches for drugs in the 2011 porno hit "Security Control."


    A Loaded Derringer Pistol
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, mark gregory valadez loaded derringer pistol
    Prison is a scary place where you're forced to prove your cojones and physical prowess. Mark Gregory Valadez would boast his strength in a different way -- by squeezing a loaded gun in his shitter. No, literally, he was caught because he bragged about it to other inmates. Authorities said that he managed to skip a metal detector due to the sheer volume of people being invited to jail on that particular weekend. "A pat-down will not reveal a Derringer firearm that is secreted in a body cavity," officials stated. He was hospitalized and charged with possessing contraband in a penal institution. The mugshot says it all: "What? It's prison, bro."


    A Kyocera Cell Phone, an MP3 Player, Ear Bud Headphones, Marijuana, Tobacco and $140
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, earl lee vogt phone mp3 player marijuana
    After removing this front-display Sharper Image stock from his crack, corrections officers asked 29-year-old Earl Lee Vogt if he was in pain. "My ass is bleeding," he replied. In 2011, Vogt successfully butt-smuggled several objects into his cell in a Lake County jail, but guards would smell marijuana emanating from his quarters. They discovered these items and presumed they were imported via ass. It is unclear whether they also found the Lost City of Atlantis there, too.


    A 10-Inch Gun
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, michael leon ward 10-inch gun
    Master of deception Michael Leon Ward was arrested in January 2012 after cops found drugs and paraphernalia in his car during a traffic stop. He acted quickly, and hid something more incriminating. The 22-year-old Georgia resident passed a strip search and even a "squat and cough," but the cops couldn't find a thing.

    Upon cell inspection, they found a .38 revolver in the toilet, which Ward said belonged to another inmate trying to kill him. They realized he smuggled the 10-inch gun with a six-inch barrel into jail, possibly because it smelled funny. He was charged with smuggling contraband. One has to wonder whether this was just forward-thinking on his part knowing he would go to that land of Sodom and Gomorrah we all know as maximum security.


    A Buttload of Booty Including Four Bracelets, Four Necklaces, 11 Rings, a Socket Wrench and a Bag of Synthetic Marijuana
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, christopher scheller jewelry wrench marijuana
    Teenager Christopher Scheller was going through an angsty period in December 2013. He had recently robbed a home and gotten in his car drunk, eventually hitting a tree. When cops arrived to the wreckage, things would get a bit more angsty for young Chris. The 18-year-old hid everything he had stolen from the home. Trouble is, he was due for an X-ray having been recently involved in a violent crash. The doctors noticed an "abnormality" within his colon. He was charged with theft and DUI.


    A Pound of Explosives
    biggest objects smuggled up asses, biggest objects smuggled up butts, abdullah hassan al-asiri explosives
    On February 3, 2009, Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri was deemed one of the world's most wanted terror suspects. In August of the same year, he had a change of heart, and decided he wanted to turn himself into Saudi Arabia's terrorist rehabilitation program under one condition: The country's Deputy Minister of the Interior, Muhammad bin Nayef, would have to meet with him face-to-face.

    Terms accepted.

    And so they met. Little did the prince's security detail know, for 24 hours no less, that al-Asiri had implanted a pound of PETN plastic explosives in his rectum. In this NSFW video, you can see him walking around apparently in distress, in pain, wondering when that mobile detonator would go off to put him out of his misery. It did. But his mark survived, with barely any injuries. "I did not want him to be searched, but he surprised me by blowing himself up," Prince bin Nayef said. It's sad, but tragically hilarious in this case, that a high-ranking member of Saudi royalty would be so blasé about a suicide bombing attempt on his life.

     

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    The statistics don't lie -- more than two-thirds of American adults are considered overweight or obese. And that number's just going up. The availability of inexpensive, high-calorie foods has turned us into a nation of gluttons. Not everybody's happy with this, though, and the diet industry is making billions off of our lack of self-control, peddling quick fixes that usually just don't work. If you're thinking about losing a few pounds to get your body ready for the beach, read these 10 stories of people who lost weight to the extreme.

    Paul Kimelman
    paul kimelman, insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Sometimes a man can only take so much before he snaps. Paul Kimelman was a nice Jewish boy from the Bronx who moved to Pittsburgh with his mother as a teenager. Her cooking was so good that Paul had ballooned to a staggering 520 pounds by the age of 19. His new neighbors razzed him constantly about his weight, and in 1967, through an incredible act of will, Kimelman drastically changed his life. He immediately put himself on a diet that consisted of clear broth, grapefruit juice, skim milk and salad and started losing pounds like wildfire. In eight months, Kimelman lost an astounding 357 pounds, earning himself the Guinness World Record that he'd hold for more than a decade. Even cooler, he kept it off and has stayed fit his whole life.

    Mayra Rosales
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Texas woman Mayra Rosales had pretty much given up on everything when her sister killed her two-year-old son by hitting him with a hairbrush. That's why the 1,000 pound woman agreed to take the blame for the boy's murder by telling police she'd accidentally rolled on him in her sleep. When police found the real culprit, Mayra realized that she needed to get it together to take care of her sister's remaining children. On an intense diet, Rosales -- who had earned the moniker "The Half Ton Killer" -- shed a staggering 800 pounds with 11 surgeries that also removed her excess skin. Even better, she's embarked on a healthy relationship with food to ensure that the weight doesn't come back.

    Steve Vaught
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Sometimes it takes a serious shock to the system to put your body on the right path. Steve Vaught weighed a hefty 410 pounds in 2005 when he hatched the idea that would change his life. Suffering from depression, Vaught vowed to walk across the country from his Oceanside, California, home to New York City, one step at a time. That kind of distance on foot is a challenge for even a healthy man, but Vaught knew that he needed to get his life back by any means necessary. He shed 90 pounds over the course of his trek, but the news wasn't all good -- his wife filed for divorce and he went bankrupt after signing a book deal that didn't pan out. However, he came out the other end happier and healthier than he'd felt in years and ready to move on in a positive manner.

    Michael Hebranko
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    For all the sass the media flings at flamboyant fitness guru Richard Simmons, you can't deny that the man has done some truly amazing things. One of Simmons' most incredible achievements was the utter transformation of Michael Hebranko. The Staten Island man battled with morbid obesity his entire life, topping out at 1,180 pounds in 1988. That brought him to the attention of Simmons, who developed an exercise program that wouldn't tax his already strained body and created a diet that would reduce his caloric intake. The results were amazing -- Hebranko shed 924 pounds, one of the largest weight drops ever recorded. Unfortunately, as with many dieters, he couldn't stay away from his temptations and his weight started rising again. When he died in 2013, he weighed over 500 pounds.

    Matt Briggs
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Social media is a powerful force, but usually not for the right reasons. However, an unflattering Facebook photo was bad enough to make English man Matt Briggs shed over half of his ample weight. The shot, which was posted in December of 2009, showed the 434-pound Briggs sitting with his father on a couch, completely dwarfing the older man. Being confronted with inarguable evidence of his obesity spurred Briggs into action, and over the next two years he ate well, exercised and dropped down to a healthy 192. His life has completely changed, so think about that next time somebody posts a picture of you from a bad angle.

    Jon Minnoch
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    The thing about losing weight is that doctors tell you to try not to do too much at once. The shock to the system that liquidating excess fat causes can be incredibly difficult to handle. But for Jon Minnoch, time was of the essence. The Bainbridge Island, Washington, man was, in his day, the heaviest fellow in the world at a top weight of 1,400 pounds. That massive weight wasn't just from eating, though -- Minnoch suffered from a rare form of edema that caused fluid to accumulate in his tissues. Doctors estimated that over 900 pounds of his body was fluid alone. After being hospitalized, he embarked on a strict 1,200 calorie a day diet that shucked the pounds off at breakneck speed. On average, Minnoch was losing a flabbergasting 57.7 pounds every month. Sadly, he couldn't keep the weight off and died in 1983.

    Rosalie Bradford
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    When you tip the scales at over half a ton, your weight loss options are pretty limited. Regular exercise and a balanced, low-calorie diet simply aren't possible. So for Rosalie Bradford, who weighed in at 1,050 pounds at her peak, getting herself down to a healthier weight was a huge struggle. Bradford, who blamed being abandoned as a child for her food addiction, turned her life around starting in 1989 after a failed suicide attempt. She contacted diet guru Richard Simmons after hearing about what he did for Michael Hebranko, and the fitness superstar spent the next year and a half keeping her on a restricted diet that led to one of the largest weight drops in history -- a flabbergasting 736 pounds. She continued to struggle with her size until she passed away in 2006.

    Manuel Uribe
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Anybody can lose weight -- even the world's heaviest man. Manuel Uribe was, at one point, recognized by the Guinness Book for his staggering 1,230 pounds of personhood. But after he set the record in 2006, doctors warned him that being so obese was incredibly hazardous to his health, and he decided to make a change. The Mexican government appointed several doctors to help him manage his eating habits, and their influence worked -- by the time he got married in 2008, Uribe had lost the world record, which he celebrated. Unfortunately, Uribe passed on in 2014 before the end of his weight loss journey. By the end of his life, Uribe had shed a staggering 363 pounds, which considering he was incapable of exercise was quite a feat.

    Carol Yager
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    One of the heaviest women ever measured, Michigander Carol Yager tipped the scales at 1,200 pounds at her heaviest. Unlike some of the others on this list, she didn't seem to consume massive quantities, but something about her body just couldn't lose weight. In 1993, she checked into a hospital with a bacterial infection and was placed on a primarily liquid 1,200 calorie a day diet. Despite being bedridden and ill, in just three months, Yager shed 521 pounds. That stands as the single largest non-surgical weight loss of all time. Doctors theorize that much of her mass was composed of water, which can be lost fairly easily. Despite this incredible achievement, Yager passed away of kidney failure the next year.

    Ross Edgeley
    insane weight loss stories, crazy weight loss before and after
    Most of the weight loss stories in this article have been marathons, but this one's a sprint. In 2013, sport scientist Ross Edgeley set out to prove that a normal human's weight can fluctuate by over 10 percent in any given day by forcing himself to lose 24 pounds in 24 hours. This insane feat didn't involve any amputations, thankfully. He started his day with natural diuretics like dandelion to force himself to flush out as much water weight as possible. Edgeley then took a hot bath in Epsom salts to further dehydrate, followed by running on a treadmill with four layers of clothes on. All he ate was a sort of baby food slurry of greens. He ended the day with a trip to the sauna and came out a flabbergasting 24 pounds lighter, wrinkled and weak as a kitten.

     

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    Even though the DC comics antihero team film "Suicide Squad" doesn't come out until early August, we still continue to get some samples of what should we expect, and what we should expect is a lot of Margot Robbie.

    It's All About Margot Robbie In Her Underwear In The New 'Suicide Squad' Trailer
    Last night during the MTV Movie Awards that you probably didn't see, a new trailer for "Suicide Squad" was unveiled, this time with Margot (who plays Harley Quinn) in her underwear and bra. Check out the new trailer below:


    Looks great, but let's be honest:

    It's All About Margot Robbie In Her Underwear In The New 'Suicide Squad' Trailer
    This is all...

    It's All About Margot Robbie In Her Underwear In The New 'Suicide Squad' Trailer
    That...


    It's All About Margot Robbie In Her Underwear In The New 'Suicide Squad' Trailer
    Matters.

    Thanks again, DC.

    We're a fan of this, too: The 10 Hottest Margot Robbie Gifs On The Internet

     

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    While you all may be very aware of model Gigi Hadid, you probably aren't very familiar with her sister Bella Hadid. And one way to quickly become a fan of Bella is by taking a look at a recent photo she put up on Instagram.

    Bella stripped down to her panties, and covered her naked goods with her hand for a sneak peak at a photo shoot she took part in. Take a look at the photo thanks to Bella's Instagram.


    💥💥Sorry mama 😇 Secret project with my dream team @nomadrj and @elizabethsulcer 😻😻😈😇😇 #BTS

    A photo posted by Bella Hadid (@bellahadid) on


    The 19-year-old called the shoot a "secret project," but we wouldn't mind seeing more photos from this shoot soon. Until then, check out a few more photos from Bella on her Instagram:

    When bae says ur cute

    A photo posted by Bella Hadid (@bellahadid) on


    A photo posted by Bella Hadid (@bellahadid) on


    Kitty🐱 by @guyaroch in NYC for @harpersbazaares

    A photo posted by Bella Hadid (@bellahadid) on


    By @txemayeste in Paris @harpersbazaares

    A photo posted by Bella Hadid (@bellahadid) on


    Award winning stuff here: Bella Hadid's Cleavage Should Win A Grammy

     

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    cell phone
    Cell phones have changed our lives. Mostly for the better, I guess. But they've also helped turn the majority of us into insufferable dickheads. And while texting and scrolling through Instagram have become the most obvious ways to let everyone around you know that you care more about your phone than your family and friends, the ill-timed phone call is still the standard bearer for douchey phone behavior. Here's a guide to the most obnoxious times you can choose to hold a phone conversation.

    rude cell phone
    When you're checking out at the supermarket
    The person on the phone thinks you're talking to them. The person checking you out thinks you're talking to
    them. And everyone behind you in line thinks you should burn in hell forever. For the love of all things holy just hang up the phone and check out. What Cindy said at dinner last night is not more important than everyone stuck in line behind you as you fumble for your credit card.

    cell phone at dinner
    While you're ordering at dinner
    Taking a call at dinner is just a generally horrible thing to do, but trying to hold a conversation while ordering is reserved for a special kind of human garbage. It's not just disrespectful to the friends you are out with, it's spitting in the face of the overworked and underpaid waiter. (Who, thanks to your poorly timed phone conversation is probably now spitting in your food.)


    cell phone toilet
    While you're going to the bathroom
    Whoever you are talking to knows. There's a very distinct echo in any bathroom. And if it's an office bathroom, now everyone else in there will forever be able to match your distinct bathroom noises and smells with your distinctly boring phone conversation topics. (Definite grounds for firing, in my opinion.)


    cell phone train
    During a bus or train ride
    We're all crammed together like sardines. No one is happy to be there. That means we're all close enough to not just hear every word you say, but also every word out of your earpiece. The rest of us forced to take public transportation every morning really just want to spend these last few calming moments before work in peace and quiet, not listening to you say, "Can you hear me now? Sorry, just went under a bridge..." every three minutes.


    cell phone conversations
    During a car trip
    The only thing worse than driving and talking on the phone is being a passenger and talking on the phone. Things really get distracting and annoying when you start relaying everything back and forth between the driver and the person on the other end of the line until you miss your exit and get stuck in traffic trying to loop back around to your destination. Now you're lost and angry and your friend on the other line just hung up, leaving the two of you in the car to bicker about the recalculating GPS.


    business baby
    While you are taking care of a kid
    The parent never wants to get off the phone in this situation. They would way rather pretend nothing is wrong and keep talking to another adult than explain to a three-year-old why rubbing feces on the couch is not cool. And now you're stuck dealing with the ear-piercing screams cutting through the receiver while the parent tries to ignore it and act like everything is totally normal even though one of your ears just started bleeding.



    During a live sporting event
    Lord knows how much you paid to get this exclusive access. Now you're giving play-by-play as everyone around you listens to you describe exactly what they are currently experiencing also. Bonus asshole points to the person who makes multiple calls to give the same update to just about everyone in their contacts list.


    text call bruh
    Any time ever
    Seriously, it's 2016. Why are you talking on the phone? Just text or email or Snapchat some nudes. I promise you everyone you call hates you for calling and not just using GIFs and emojis like a normal person.

     

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    The hell is up with bears these days?

    Snowboarder Kelly Murphy was doing her thing in Japan's Hakuba 47 Winter Sports Park when an Asian black bear comes out of nowhere and begins chasing her down the mountain. Murphy has no clue what is going on, as she is too busy singing legendary song "Work" by Rihanna.

    Check out the video below:


    Pretty close call, but since this video is on the Internet it of course has had many people calling it a fake. I have my doubts, too, since no one should ever be happy while singing any Rihanna song.

    h/t Mic

    This guy knew a bear was chasing him: Dude Dresses In Bear Costume And Scares The Crap Out Of His Coworker

     

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    hillary clinton secret email account, hillary clinton emails, hillary clinton hacked email
    The biggest scandal of the presidential race so far has been Hillary Clinton's secret email account. It's been confirmed that there was classified information sent from the account and who knows what else may have passed through. In an exclusive, we were able to get a screenshot of her actual inbox to see exactly what messages have been exchanged from this highly controversial email address. Take a look at it before the government shuts us down.

    (CLICK THE IMAGE TO ZOOM IN)

    hillary clinton secret email account, hillary clinton emails, hillary clinton hacked email

    More politics: Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton Have Just Joined Forces

     

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    I feel like a promotion would have been more appropriate.

    Carla Clarissa, a 24-year-old primary teacher at a school in Ciudad Obregon in the northern Mexican state of Sonora, was fired from her teaching job after video of her twerking and being a normal 24-year-old woman went viral.

    Clarissa headed to Cabo San Lucas for Spring Break like a lot of young people do, and entered a twerking contest after her friends encouraged her to do so. And oh yeah, she won the whole thing. Let's first take a look at Clarissa and her award-winning moves:


    Clarissa won $260 in the contest, but lost a lot more after the video went viral, and parents saw it -- registering an official complaint because some parents are boring fucks who have nothing else to do.

    "I knew there were mobile phones but I never imagined this would go viral and anyway, I'm not doing anything bad," Clarissa explains to Mexican newspaper Reforma. "It was a dance competition, something like this doesn't define me as a person, it was my free time and we're in the 21st century."

    'It's not something to be afraid of, I'm not naked, I'm not having sex or taking drugs or disrespecting anyone," Clarissa adds, as millions of dads cheer in agreement.

    Clarissa says she got a lot of attention upon returning home, and the head of the school and a lawyer proposed she resign to "cool things down."

    Now that Clarissa has lost her job, a petition has been started to get her her job back, while some parents even disagreed with her firing, stating: "Parents of children at Cumbres Institute deny demanding her resignation. We are angry at the way she was sacked, using a sexist pretext when she was doing what everyone does on holiday which is dance in a bikini."

    The only one who should be fired is the person who shot that film with the worst camera phone known to man.

    Via Daily Mail

    More parents being shit: Hot UK Teacher Fired After Lame Parent Finds Her Lingerie-Modeling Pictures

     

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    The 2016 presidential race is really heating up, with four main hopefuls (sorry John Kasich) left. Aside from the normal political hot button issues, we also like to focus on how these candidates fare in the Twitter world. Here are 25 of the best tweets about Bernie Sanders.


    Related: 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Ted Cruz

     

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    Even though it has been close to 30 years since the classic video game "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!" was released on Nintendo, it not only still remains super popular with retro gamers (and all gamers alike) but Easter eggs are being discovered on it.

    YouTube user midwesternhousewives discovered that in fights with Piston Honda and Bald Bull, there is a cue in the audience that tells you exactly when to deliver a knockout punch. And that cue? A bearded man in the audience who will duck, prompting you to knock out your opponent.

    Check out the video below to see this in action:


    Now that you have that down, go out and conquer the video game boxing world.

    There's A Big Easter Egg In Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
    h/t ars technica

    We conquered these, too: The 10 Toughest Video Game Levels We Somehow Beat As Kids

     

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    Everyone loves bacon, and if you don't then you're probably lying and spend your nights shame-eating it in the corner of your room (which is how I prefer most of my meals). But is bacon completely loved everywhere in this country?

    The good folks at Ginny's spent time analyzing over 33,000 bacon photos posted on Instagram in order to find out which state is the most obsessed and in love with good ol' bacon.

    What have we all learned? That Nebraska folks love bacon more than anyone else, and Hawaii isn't much of a fan of it. Check out the map below, and click on it in order to get the interactive version of the map where you can see fun facts about each state.

    50 States of Bacon
    Click image to open interactive version (via Ginny's)

    And this is something you may not want to know: This Map Of The Fattest States Is Something They Didn't Show You In Geography Class

     

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    I'm just as shocked as you to hear that people still go to McDonald's by their own choice, but director/writer Josh Raby reminded us of that when he tweeted a bizarre story that began with him heading to the fast food chain for a milkshake and turned into one bizarre, fascinating tale.

    Check out Raby's story in full, via his Twitter:

    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    And for those skeptics who don't exactly believe Raby's wild story, check out what he Tweeted last:

    A Hollywood Director's 1AM Milkshake Run Is An Epic Tale Filled With Twists And Turns
    What just happened? (h/t Someecards)

    Update: There may be even more weirdness to come:


    This makes more sense: Man's Angry Twitter Rant Says What We're All Thinking About 'The Big Bang Theory'

     

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    I'm not sure what's hotter: the Chicago Cubs' 5-1 start to the MLB season, or Playboy Playmate Ashley Salazar wearing a Cubs jersey that is made out of body paint. Never mind, I'm sure:


    The answer is the second one.

    Salazar is an actress, photographer, model and USAF veteran. You also may recognize her as Playboy's Miss Social of the Year for 2013. Born and raised in Illinois, she is a lifelong Cubs fan, and that is very good news for the North Siders. Because along with being favored to win the World Series this year, they know that this incredibly hot woman is rooting for them:


    As a lifelong White Sox fan, I never thought I'd say this, but if the Cubs winning means more of these photos... LET'S GO CUBS!

    Follow Ashley Salazar on Instagram for more.

     

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    amy pejkovic sexy high jumper
    Even at its peak (I'm so clever), high jumping as a professional sport isn't all that interesting. After all, it's just like regular jumping, only a little higher. But that's all about to change thanks to 23-year-old Aussie bombshell Amy Pejkovic and her sensational Instagram photos. Sure, you probably won't find the sport itself any more engrossing, but my god, the pictures. So many awesome pictures.

    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on



    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on



    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on


    Did we mention Amy is also a model in her spare time? I guess that's pretty obvious, though. Here are a few more shots for the road:

    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on



    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on



    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on



    A photo posted by Amy Pejkovic (@amypejkovic) on


    (h/t Playboy)

    Related: The 15 Hottest Female Sports Reporters in the World

     

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    We've hardly even managed to harness the sheer force behind water jet packs, and yet we're already onto the next step. According to Gizmodo, the creator of said water-powered flying mechanism Franky Zapata is now working on a similar product called the Flyboard Air which replaces good old-fashioned H2O with "a turbine engine fed by a backpack full of fuel." While the flight time maxes out at about 10 minutes, it's capable of speeds up to 93 miles per hour and an altitude of 10,000 feet. Sounds totally safe to us. Surely cranking some AC/DC will make us forget that the man in the following video could literally fall to his death at any moment.


    Yep, that did the trick. Rock 'n' roll!

    Related: This Hoverboard Fail Compilation Will Make You Happy That You Don't Own One

     

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