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    When the mind is left to wander, particularly on the subject of sex, things can take a turn for the outlandish. Or philosophical (but still, mostly ridiculous). The following shower thoughts pertaining to sex encompass precisely what we just warned you about. While they may expand your mind, having thoughts like this while naked and touching yourself will likely only expand another body part.

    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, sex sells


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, pre-marital sex


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, self driving cars


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, ghosts moan parents


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, sex 12 people moon


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, virgin zero fucks


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, sex skydiving


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, spank wife


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, loud sex game of thrones theme


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, interracial sex


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, gay sex twice as manly


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, sex hiring pro


    sex shower thoughts, shower thoughts about sex, sex text mom gross
    (h/t The Chive)

    Related: 17 More Very Awesome 'Shower Thoughts' To Keep The Wheels Spinning

     

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  • 04/19/16--04:17: Today's Funny Photos
  • What is life without funny photos? Nothing. So keep scrolling unless you want to die. And if you're still alive at the end of today's funnies, check us out on Twitter and Instagram to keep on living the good life.

    funny pics

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    Just before I step into the shower and give myself some good old-fashioned pube maintenance, I'm faced with a dilemma: Do I get rid of my pubic hair completely, give it a trim, or just keep the situation as is?

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    Similar to what's happened with the opposite sex years prior, it would appear that the state of male pubic hair has evolved. No longer can man parade around town with a mound of pubic hair cradled in his underwear. Now, man is expected to do as women do, and shave himself completely bald so that his member is more reminiscent of a pre-pubescent boy.

    However, some women don't share this sentiment for a completely shaved downstairs and prefer he just trim, which, if I'm being honest, is just as much of a pain in the ass as shaving the area entirely.

    But even then, some women don't want their man to touch his pubic hair at all, and want him to don the bush, just as some men like their women's pubic hair to resemble a tumbleweed.

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    This bring us to the crux of this piece: Which pubic hair option is most popular, according to the fairer sex? I sought to find out. I spoke with roughly 20 women through various forms of social media and other networks to determine which the most popular option is.

    Of course, if you're in a committed relationship, you're better off to just ask what she prefers. But if you're single and ready to mingle, use the following information to your advantage.

    Of this survey, I've included the two fairest arguments for each preference below.

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    For shaving:

    1. "I don't mind pubic hair on a dude, but my husband prefers to shave everything, and I have to admit I really like it. It just feels nicer to have nothing there when heading south. If he didn't do it, though, I wouldn't mind, but he seems to love it so it works for us!" – Arielle, 26

    2. "Bush is always too much. Better shaved or trimmed. Depends on the overall amount on hair. If it's a lot, do us a favor and shave. Hair all around the penis is a big no-no." – Julia, 32

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    For trimming:

    1. "I definitely prefer my man to be trimmed! He doesn't look like a child nor a Neanderthal. He puts the time in to manscape." – Natalie, 30

    2. "I think it's important that partners discuss their preferences with each other, because not everyone has the same ideal. That said, I prefer my man trimmed. Shaved gets a little too naked-looking (and stubble is no fun!) but left as-is can be a bit messy if I'm getting up close and personal with that area -- trimmed is perfect." – Kristina, 23

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    For bush:

    1. "I prefer a man to leave amount of pubic hair as it is. No trimming needed. I like the feeling of those soft hairs on my fingers and I've had men tell me they enjoyed me playing with and gently tugging on these hairs. I think we'd both miss out if he was trimmed or shaved." – Christine, 65

    2. "If he doesn't want to shave, he doesn't have to. It's not the pubes I'm after." – Sandra, 47

    Conclusion:

    Based on the feedback I received, it would appear that pubic hair maintenance in general is a "young man's game." It is indeed a topical trend as I alluded to earlier in the piece.

    More and more men are tending to their pubic areas to appease the women in their lives, and we should. She does it, we do it. Fair is fair. Hell, some women I spoke to even vowed they wouldn't go near the area if he didn't at least trim.

    The majority of women I spoke to (a good 60 percent, actually) said they prefer a man who trims. Like Goldilocks herself, women tend to like a man whose pubic length measures somewhere in between two extremes. She doesn't want a bush, but she doesn't want a human Ken doll, either.

    The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
    In a previous interview I'd had with Robb Gorman, owner and aesthetician of XY Men's Skin & Grooming Lounge, this is the expert's way of manscaping your junk: "Using a clipper or beard trimmer (with a guide!) and trim down the upper bush first. If you want a more natural groomed look, trim just enough to remove the excess hair. Too much, and you'll start looking like a peeled eel."

    If you want to avoid the peeled eel look (which you probably should), keep your pubic hair about an inch in length or shorter. This is your best option aesthetics-wise, according to the sample of women I spoke to.

    But at the end of the day, whether you're too lazy to shave or happen to prefer the slick porn star look, a woman shouldn't judge you by your pubic situation, so you can either take this advice and use it to your advantage, or just do you. Both are advisable options.

     

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    There are some people who just shouldn't be allowed to post on social media, and almost all of them are famous people. I will never understand what makes them think they should say the things they say, but here we are. These athletes have gone above and beyond inappropriate into downright dumb territory. Here are some of the most mind-numbingly idiotic tweets athletes have ever posted.

    1. Jamal Shuman doesn't realize that Twitter is public and anyone can see it.
    dumb athlete tweets, jamal shuman tweets
    (via Deadspin)


    2. Stevie Johnson suggests a target for North Korea to bomb.


    3. Rashard Mendenhall might be a 9/11 truther.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes


    4. Desean Jackson copies and pastes his entire message instead of just the tweet.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes


    5. Just before LeBron signed with the Heat, Jared Dudley gives us some less-than-accurate news from his sources.


    6. Mike Wallace shares his feeling on homosexuality, for some reason.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes


    7. This unbelievable tweet that got Paraskevi Papachristou suspended from the Greek Olympic team.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Emily D'Archangelis


    8. Former Chiefs running back Larry Johnson regrettably argues with a fan.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Complex


    9. Paul George shares some feelings on the Ray Rice incident pre-video release.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via TMZ


    10. Ray Allen accidentally posts a private message as a public tweet.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Deadspin


    11. Roddy White isn't happy about Adrian Peterson being suspended for beating his child because it hurt his fantasy team.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via The Big Lead


    12. Magic Johnson gives some John Madden-style commentary on the NBA Finals.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes


    13. Carmelo Anthony offers $5,000 to anyone that will slap his ex in the face.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Bossip


    14. Rex Chapman explains why signing a player from China is a good idea because he'll recognize Jeremy Lin easier.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Angry Asian Man


    15. Stevie Johnson possibly becomes an atheist after a bad game.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via CBS Cleveland


    16. Jose Canseco lies about his finger falling off during a poker tournament.


    17. Curt Schilling posts this meme comparing Muslims to Nazis.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via SB Nation


    18. Jabar Gaffney decides to argue with a Cowboy's fan bragging about the team's record.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via TheSportster


    19. Charlie Villanueva thinks no one will notice him tweeting in the middle of a game.


    20. Shaq has some technical difficulties at Knott's Berry Farm.


    21. Chad Johnson does a little breastfeeding, for some reason.


    22. Josh Robinson educates us all on what gay marriage really means.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via Gamedayr


    23. LeSean McCoy reconnects with an ex in a series of regrettable tweets.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via TheSportster


    24. Lance Armstrong gives the entire world his cell phone number.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes


    25. Cardale Jones gets a little too honest about his college experience.
    25 of the Dumbest Tweets by Athletes
    via TheSportster

     

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    Even though you feel assured and comfortable that this specific thing could never happen, there will always be a little part of you that refuses to believe it can't happen to you, thus becoming an irrational fear. Everyone has one, and some are more severe than others, but here are some irrational fears that we all probably have; even if you don't want to admit it. ​

    ​Zombies Taking Over
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    It's going to happen. The question is when, and which friend can you use as bait to get away?

    Being Invited On To "The Maury Show" For Paternity Test Results
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    What happened that night I drank a little too much...?

    Switching The TV On And An Episode Of "The Big Bang Theory" Is Playing
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    "Bazinga!" "Bazinga!" "BAZINGA!" Make it stop!

    Someone Is Patiently Waiting Under Your Bed To Grab Your Feet
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    Hey, it did happen in "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer"

    Having To Drive Through North Carolina

    Pretty self-explanatory.

    Knocking Over A Shelf Of Glass At A Store
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    All you wanted to do was smell that wild sea grass candle.

    Having The Hiccups Forever
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    If they last for more than ten minutes just assume they will never go away.

    Stage Performer Interacting With You

    Let me just pretend I'm looking at my phone so they don't try and make me a part of their show.

    Falling Through A Sidewalk Grate
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    Why walk over that? You know there's a chance it can give out on you and you can fall to your death.

    Being Falsely Accused Of A Terrible Crime
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    Because we all know how that will turn out.

    Person Walking Behind You Is Planning To Kidnap You
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    Work those peripherals.

    Never Being Able To Take A Ring Off Your Finger
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    Now you have to get used to living with nine fingers when they have to amputate one.

    Never Being Able To Poop Again
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    File this under "Nightmare Scenario."

    Sending A Nude To Everyone On Your Contacts
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    You were so eager to send off your junk to your Tinder mate that now everyone in accounting knows what it looks like.

    A Spider Laying Eggs In Your Ear
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    When we're sleeping we're defenseless. When we're sleeping they will come.

    Enjoying A Pitbull Song​
    15 Irrational Fears We All Have
    God, no.

     

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    Even though he's behind bars, we're still discovering just how gross disgraced former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is, as some of his text messages have been revealed.

    Jared Fogle Asks For '14-Year Or 15-Year-Old' In Creepy Text Messages
    In legal papers filed in federal court in Indiana recently, prosecutors note that Fogle had sex with two minors age 16 and 17, and even hoped to go younger. Fogle would scour the Internet for adult escorts, developed relationships with them, and eventually offer them "finder's fees" in hopes they would find minors for him to have sex with.

    "I'll pay you big for a 14- or 15-year old," Jared states in the text messages. "I can pay you a little finder's fee."

    It's gets even sicker.

    "Depends, on, if they can prove their age. If they can and you get me 16 or below, I'll give you 400 at least." Jared states, when asks by the adult escorts how much the finder's fee would be.

    Fogle also said, "Do you have any access to any young girls? Like 15 or 16?" Adding, "Cause it's what I crave! ... I would hook you up nicely if you did," when questioned as to why he wants girls that age.

    Another text message reads: "What does she look like? If she's good-looking I would give you 300 and her the same." This is in response to the adult escort stating she has a cousin that is 15-years-old.

    Fogle is currently serving 15 years behind bars, but he did appeal his sentence last year. But let's hope he remains locked up for a long, long time, getting more and more fat, and slapped around.

    h/t UPROXX

    Well deserved: Jared Fogle Was Beaten Up In A Prison Yard Ambush.

     

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    As I struggle to be funny on Twitter so that my tiny number of followers can appreciate my fantastic sense of humor that only I seem to appreciate, there's a dad on Twitter who is cracking everyone up, a dad who has four daughters.

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too
    Known on Twitter as Exploding Unicorn, James Breakwell takes some time to share the most hilarious things that occur in his hectic life, and the funniest things his daughters say on a day-to-day basis. Check out some of his funniest tweets below:

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too

    Dad Can Be Hilarious On Twitter, Too
    If I ever have a daughter I hope she can make me famous on Twitter. I mean, if she doesn't make me rich, making me famous on Twitter is the least she can do.

    It's a tough job: 21 Tweets That Sum Up What It's Like To Be A Parent

     

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    Victoria's Secret models are some of the most exotic women in the universe, and they look absolutely stunning when they are wearing very little clothing. So the question is: would you even notice something as random as their totally missing belly buttons? You think the answer is no. Then you look at the below pictures. And then you can't stop staring. And then after a while it's all you can notice. If you don't believe me, just check out the photos for yourself and see if you last more than a second without immediately fixating on their totally flat and belly button-less torsos.

    Adriana Lima
    belly button

    Alessandra Ambrosio
    belly button

    Elsa Hoskbelly button

    Jasmine Tookesbelly button

    Lais Ribeiro
    belly button

    Lily Aldridge
    belly button

    Martha Hunt
    belly button

    Romee Strijdbelly button

    Sara Sampaiobelly button

    Taylor Hill
    belly button

     

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    We know Scotland has their own Angelina Jolie look-alike, but now it seems that America not only has the original Angelina Jolie, but can also say we have a model who looks just like her.

    What is your favorite thing that I post? Selfies, outfits, makeup etc.. I'm curious 🤔

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Mara Teigen, a model who appears in a lip gloss commercial for Kylie Jenner, has been getting tons of attention since her appearance. The reason? She looks like the Oscar-winning actress.

    The 21-year-old has definitely been helped by Kylie's promotion, but with looks like that she will stick around for a while on her own. Check out some of Teigen's photos thanks to her Instagram, and see if you agree that she looks just like the actress.

    Chella day 1: 🌸 outfit @shoplunab Hair and makeup by me💁🏻

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Saturday selfie 💝 Wearing 'CandyK' liner @kyliecosmetics

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Fav bikini @ellejayswim 👒

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    @lovenookie L o V E 🌷

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Hello?! 👠

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Can't sleep

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Having too much fun @catch #catchplaya

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    I love you, Mexico

    A photo posted by MARA TEIGEN (@marateigen_) on


    Hey, Brazil has their own Megan Fox: We'd Like To Introduce You To The Brazilian Megan Fox

     

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    The following actors are beyond your scrutiny. They've paid their dues and established themselves as the coolest of the coolest. Lest you want to be considered an asshole, it's best never to hate on them.

    Bill Murray
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, bill murray
    Murray is a man of the people. He's known to crash random parties, send epic Christmas cards and was even once stopped by police in Stockholm on suspicion of driving a golf cart drunk. The guy is great. And he is, without a doubt, the most untouchable untouchable on this list.


    Morgan Freeman
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, morgan freeman
    Freeman starred in "The Shawshank Redemption" and "Unforgiven," which is enough to put him among the ranks of the celebrity untouchables. He is also an accomplished beekeeper, which brings him even closer to the tip-top. Freeman has been in three Academy Award-winning movies for "Best Picture," and his voice is sultry, smooth and deliciously deep in every single one of them.


    Tom Hanks
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, tom hanks
    Hanks is continuously ranked as one of the most liked actors of all time. He was the youngest person to ever receive an American Film Institute Lifetime Achievement Award, and he won back-to-back "Best Actor" Oscars for his work in "Philadelphia" and "Forrest Gump." He's also hosted SNL eight times. Need we say more?


    Kevin Spacey
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, kevin spacey
    One time when Spacey was a kid, he burnt down his sister's treehouse and was forced to go to military school, where he was promptly expelled for hitting another student with a tire. Awesome. In addition to blowing minds in "The Usual Suspects," "American Beauty," and "Se7en," Spacey is also a talented impressionist.


    Jack Nicholson
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, jack nicholson
    Nicholson has been nominated for more Oscars than any other actor. From "The Shining" to "The Departed," he has maintained a gold standard that has never faded. I imagine his real-life persona is a lot like his role as Frank Costello in "The Departed," save for the killing gangsters and doing massive hauls of cocaine with hookers -- actually, scratch that.


    Johnny Depp
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, johnny depp
    Depp is the epitome of a "cool cat," but he's also a caring soul. He tried his darnedest to set the West Memphis Three free and even once offered to pay off Nicholas Cage's debts. The man, however, has never won an Oscar, which means it's about time to start a hashtag. Who's with me?


    Denzel Washington
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, denzel washington
    You never see Washington pontificate beyond the silver screen about things such as, say, politics. You never hear him cheaply take up a cause just to score PR points with the Hollywood crowd. He just does his job and kicks ass at it. And we appreciate it. We've all seen "Man on Fire" and "Training Day," but if you have the means, we'd highly recommend "The Equalizer," too.


    Bryan Cranston
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, bryan cranston
    It's ironic that the most evil character of all time, Walter White, is played by perhaps the most genuine and affable person in Hollywood.


    Jennifer Aniston
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, jennifer aniston
    Aniston strikes us as someone who doesn't give a fuck. Which is incredibly sexy. She went full raunch in "Horrible Bosses," spouting off lines like, "I bet you're no shrimp in the cock department, Dale." After an already accomplished career in both television and film, she hit the big time with "Friends" (but we all still remember her 23-year-old bodacious bod in 1993's "Leprechaun").


    Keanu Reeves
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, keanu reeves
    Reeves took a 90 percent pay cut so that Gene Hackman could be cast in "The Replacements" alongside him. This generosity has been a theme of his career. In addition to donating millions to cancer research, he once gave the stunt crew of "The Matrix" Harley Davidson motorcycles as a gift. He is a peach, and highly deserving in his status as an untouchable.


    Steve Buscemi
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, steve buscemi
    One might want to call Buscemi an A-lister due to his role on "Boardwalk Empire" alone, which earned him two Screen Actors Guild Awards. But his career is studded with memorable parts in indie films such as "Reservoir Dogs." He's been a favorite of the Coen Brothers since "Fargo," putting a cherry on top as Donny in "The Big Lebowski." Did you know he was also once a firefighter?


    Bruce Campbell
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, bruce campbell
    Hail to the king, baby. Once dubbed the "Laurence Oliver of bad movies," Campbell's perfection as Ash, and his giant, beautiful chin propelled him to B-movie superstar status. He was paid only $93,000 for "Army of Darkness," but the cult of Campbell would live on.

    Fun fact: In between roles in the "Evil Dead" franchise, he took a job as a security guard for Anheuser-Busch's San Fernando Valley plant.


    Dennis Hopper
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, dennis hopper
    Now deceased, but forever in our hearts after decades of hilarious villainy, Hopper remains an untouchable even from the clouds. We will perhaps never laugh as hard as we did watching chillingly macabre characters such as Deacon in "Waterworld" and Howard Payne in "Speed."


    Willem Dafoe
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, willem dafoe
    Dafoe's diversity as an actor is unparalleled. In the '80s, he was firing bullets at Vietcong (and taking a few, too). In the '90s, he was kicking mobsters in the nuts dressed in drag. By 2002, he was the Green Goblin. A chameleon of the highest caliber, a casual viewer might not have noticed that he was also that psychotic murderer on a motorbike in "The Grand Budapest Hotel."


    William H. Macy
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, william h macy
    Sure, Macy might've pissed off people from North Dakota with his stereotypical portrayal in "Fargo," but that's about the extent of his controversy. The warm, congenial actor will forever be a solid anti-diva in the industry. Yer darn tootin'.


    Kurt Russell
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, kurt russell
    Russell has never had a hankering for fame and fortune, which is probably why he has had such immense success in cult movies. Like Bruce Campbell, he seems anti-Hollywood, and is currently in Vancouver living with his longtime wife Goldie Hawn shooting guns. In all, he's never needed big studio financing to carve out his epic action hero niche (see: "Big Trouble in Little China").


    Paul Giamatti
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, paul giamatti
    Pig Vomit. Enough said.


    Elijah Wood
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, elijah wood
    He hasn't aged since "Flipper," but that's not the reason Wood is on this list. The Hobbit himself has played every role imaginable from soccer hooligan to psychopath. But most of all, he's a genuinely cool guy with no pretense. He's also not afraid to hang out with asshole comedians and shoot the shit (while holding his ground, of course).


    Danny Trejo
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, danny trejo
    Trejo is a badass Mexican, and he seems to have perfected said typecasting. We're only including him here so that he doesn't show up at our houses and methodically dice us with a machete. Kidding aside, he was once a champion boxer at San Quentin while he was imprisoned for drug offenses before becoming famous in Hollywood. He is, in every way, an untouchable.


    Charlie Day
    official list of celebrity untouchables, celebs you can't hate, celebs everyone loves, charlie day
    Charlie Day plays Charlie Kelly on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." He's also making strides in Hollywood (more so than his "Sunny" counterparts, at least), which is exciting for many reasons. Charlie, soon to the A-List you will go, yet already we don't hate you one bit.

     

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    I'd like to think that if I were from four years in the future, I'd come back to 2016 and split my time between betting on sporting events in which I know the outcome and saving old ladies from getting hit by cars.

    But this guy told police he used the gift of time travel to rob an Arby's:

    dante anderson robs arby's, says he's from the future
    According to Fox 25, 36-year-old Dante Rashad Anderson first walked into an Oklahoma City Carl's Jr. last Friday and "began screaming and demanding food." Employees there basically told him to screw off, so he made his way to the Arby's across the street, jumped on the front counter, demanded food and then grabbed a handful of chicken and bacon before breaking a glass door on his way out of the "restaurant."

    "He did mention that he is from four years in the future and that is how people will get food during that period of time," Oklahoma City Police Department MSgt. Gary Knight said. "He was possibly under the influence of some sort of narcotic or intoxicant or suffering from some type of break with reality."

    You think?

    Anderson's path of destruction didn't end at the Arby's though. Patricia Beedle was sitting in traffic in one of the cars that he thought needed a good kicking.

    "He jumped up like he was Chuck Norris and just kicked the crap out of my car," Beedle said. "I mean, he kicked it so hard you could just feel the momentum of him kicking it."

    Police eventually found Anderson lying on the ground outside of a Taco Mayo. He told police he broke his ankle, he is "four years advanced" and everybody on his planet is dead. And that sounds like it's a good thing since by the looks of things, everybody on that planet is an asshole.

    Sex in the future is looking pretty sorry: Virtual Reality Sex Suits Are Making It Very Difficult To Fight The Future

     

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    Yeah, I don't think the dog feels the same way.

    According to BroBible, a 39-year-old New York City man was captured on camera having sex with his girlfriend's Maltese dog (not pictured) last week, but she still thinks that he's "a nice guy."

    man caught having sex with girlfriend's dog
    Jesus Gutierrez told reporters "No English, no English" as he left a Manhattan criminal court Thursday afternoon, but the video of him using his 43-year-old girlfriend's pooch "for his own sexual enjoyment" apparently said more than enough.

    Gutierrez's girlfriend said she became suspicious of him because her dog Princess began hiding from him in their house on the Lower East Side, so she set up a camera to find out what was going on.

    Why was Princess hiding from Gutierrez? You guessed it: He allegedly "assaulted the dog for a half hour, sodomizing the dog with his fingers, and "he also rubbed himself against the dog's genitals."

    Princess was left with both mental and physical bruises and was taken to a veterinary hospital for treatment while Gutierrez was arrested and charged with "misdemeanor torturing of an animal and sexual conduct with an animal."

    Gutierrez's lawyer said his client is a "father to six children and a hard-working man," which sounds pretty good when you leave out the whole "he also likes to hump dogs" thing.

    Usually things like this happen in Florida: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors

     

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    See what happens when you make people work on the weekend?

    According to The Guardian, construction workers from two rival companies in China decided to settle their differences last "Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!" by jumping behind the wheels of their giant machines and having a good old-fashioned bulldozer fight in the streets of Hebei.



    At least two of the bulldozers were tipped onto their sides, and it looks as though both of these companies' insurance providers should be expecting a paint damage claim coming through sometime in the near future.

    A local government spokesman said he couldn't comment on any arrests or injuries until their investigation is concluded, but you have to think that even he got a little excited after watching six bulldozers duke it out for construction supremacy.

    In America, we fight over bottomless crab legs: Connecticut Couple Arrested For Fighting Over All You Can Eat Crab Legs At Buffet

     

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    And now we are all very thirsty.

    Charlotte McKinney has been dubbed Kate Upton 2.0, and with photos like this it is very easy to see why.

    Hello desert 🌴🌸

    A photo posted by charlottemckinney (@charlottemckinney) on


    The buxom blonde model is starting to work her way into the mainstream spotlight more and more, with Carl's Jr. commercials and small movie roles, and now she is even hanging out with the Rock on the new "Baywatch" movie set.

    When making a movie based off of the biggest TV show in the world, you wind up saving lives from all over the globe Reppin' Mexico: Belinda @belindapop. Reppin' Brazil: Izabel Goulart @iza_goulart. Reppin' the good ol' USA Charlotte McKinney @charlottemckinney. Now in real life these ladies never need saving. They're bad ass, keep their game strong and super cool to work with. Buuuuuuuut in our movie, their "characters" need saving and... well... there's only one man for the job... not Batman, definitely not Superman, not those Avengers But the one and only big, brown, bald, tattooed guy who drives a jet ski on the ocean and a pick up truck on the land. Tough job my friends, but hell, somebody's gotta do it. #OnSet #GlobalSaves #BAYWATCH MAY 19, 2017 (ok, maybe my boy Chris Pratt @prattprattpratt has the ability to save these lives, but that's it. No one else. F*ck those other guys🖕🏾😂)

    A photo posted by therock (@therock) on


    Methinks that the Pamela Anderson role could easily have gone to her.

    Related: 'Baywatch' Photos Are Starting To Leak And We Like What We See

     

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    Since Adolf Hitler's birthday was on April 20, we're guessing people wanted to smoke out the stigma of that association on 4/20 in the best way they could imagine. And what better way to do that than by getting high and feeling happy? Well, we're going the extra mile to make the day even more magical this year with these 4/20 hunnies. Combining sexy girls and weed smoking has never been more accessible, or more brilliant, so let's check out some of the best bong-ripping babes on Instagram (that would've been a great title) and get high (where it's allowed). Smoke responsibly!

    Shianna @shianna_420
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    Maddy Belle @maddy.belle
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    Chelsea @little.herb.lover
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    Paige @blazetheday
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    Cannabis Is My Cure @nugwiifey
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram
    Yep, you guessed it: That's a Kush Pop. You're officially the biggest stoner alive.

    @txevox
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    @beatemuska
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram
    Okay, maybe she's the biggest stoner ever.

    Ms. Blowsmoke @ms.blowsmoke
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    @highestheaven
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    Mariana @mariana_marijuana
    hot stoner girls, hot girls who smoke weed, 4/20 hunnies, marijuana instagram

    Also check out: The Hottest Celebrity Pot Smokers

     

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  • 04/20/16--04:19: Today's Funny Photos
  • It's 4/20, bros! Let's all fire one up, burn one down, roast a bone and remember to puff, puff, pass. Did I get all those phrases correct, my Cheeches? I hope so. Anyway, nothing goes better with 4/20 than some funny photos, so scroll down and try not to get the giggles too badly. Peace and love!

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz
    Check us out on Twitter and Instagram.

    high af before class, weed memes, 4/20 meme

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz
    ICYMI: Yesterday's Funny Photos

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, joke on violin

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz

    funny photos, funny memes, daily lolz
    More: All The Funny Photos A Person Could Hope For

     

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    The year 1996 may have marked the end of TV shows like "Murder, She Wrote" and "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," but 1996 was also the beginning of a number of shows we can't believe have 20-year-old pilots now. If you didn't already feel old, check out these 1996 pilots while you empty your bed pan.

    "3rd Rock From the Sun"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    Back when Joseph Gordon-Levitt had long hair and John Lithgow was father to an alien family, we got six seasons of the Solomons. It was like "Alf," except a whole family of weirdos hiding out on Earth. Apparently being this close to the sun back then made it hard for French Stewart to open his eyes completely. The show wrapped in 2001, and all of its stars went on to do bigger roles.

    "Spin City"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    The Mayor of New York's office was something of a media disaster control, trying to keep their chief away from public scrutiny. With Michael J. Fox, Charlie Sheen, Richard Kind and Heather Locklear running the show, there was no limit to the absurdity, or in Locklear's case, the sexiness. After six seasons, most of these lead actors went on to very different lives. Fox retired in 2001 after going public with his disease in 1998, but the show picked up Sheen in his place.

    "Everybody Loves Raymond"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    Ray Romano's quirky family hit the small screen as "Seinfeld" started to wrap up, leaving room for Romano and other dysfunctional family shows like "King of Queens" to take up the ratings. Romano announced in 2016 he suspects a "Raymond" reunion, despite the death of Peter Boyle in 2006 and the suicide of his fictional child, played by Sawyer Sweeten, in 2015.

    "Kenan and Kel"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    Kenan Thompson may have peaked in 1994's "D2: The Mighty Ducks" with his knuckle-puck shot, but he would see work again in 1996 with his own show, "Kenan and Kel," a teenager's diary played out loud where his antics, along with Kel Mitchell's, were worth four seasons of laughs. Kenan would go on to "SNL" where he would become the longest-tenured cast member ever, and go on to host "What's Up With That," one of the most terribly infectious songs in history.

    "7th Heaven"

    The pastor family drama wasn't all church hymns and holy water. But the Camden family of seven -- yes, we're counting Happy, the dog -- also had their low points. Does nobody remember the marijuana cigarette episodes? The show would miraculously, likely by the hand of God, continue on for 11 long seasons as we watched little Ruthie Camden grow into a wild and sexy Mackenzie Rosman.

    "The Pretender"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    NBC's classic chameleon, played by Michael T. Weiss, "The Pretender" follows a master lab rat who realizes the reality of his existence, then attempts to rewrite his destiny. The sci-fi show had a four-season run until NBC pulled the plug in 2000, just before two TV movies, "The Pretender: 2001" and "The Pretender: Island of the Haunted" picked up where it left off.

    "Clueless"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    The 1995 classic rich girl film immediately got its smaller counterpart green lit in 1996. Albeit there are a number of differences between the two, the show did manage to run until 1999 with most of the original characters outside of Alicia Silverstone. There was also the "Party Girl" pilot in 1996, which was classified as "definitely...not clueless."

    "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    Melissa Joan Hart is the classic teen pop family show actress, and her role as Sabrina Spellman was the start of it all. Based on the 1960s Archie comic book series, Hart portrayed a young witch-in-training who struggled to fit in with the other kids. But with the help of her 600-year-old aunts (Caroline Rhea and Beth Broderick), she managed to squeeze out seven seasons, which were split between ABC and The WB until 2003.

    "Nash Bridges"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    The great Don Johnson plays charismatic San Francisco investigator Nash Bridges, but he has to buddy up with "fresh out of retirement" partner Joe Dominguez (Cheech Marin). The two butt heads, without a doubt, but offer up some serious laughs through six seasons of their CBS run until 2001. Shortly after her "Baywatch" run, Yasmine Bleeth picked up a couple seasons as the hottie of "Nash Bridges," just before things went downhill for her.

    "Superman: The Animated Series"
    Can't Believe It's Been 20 Years Since These TV Show Pilots
    It wouldn't be '90s TV without some classic cartoons. It was also the year of "The Incredible Hulk," a short-lived cartoon for the green Marvel monster. The DC character Superman was produced by Warner Bros. and aired on The WB from 1996 to 2000, giving us some classic Superman quips, just a few years before Bryan Singer made his abomination, "Superman Returns." The animated series was the first of several failed spin-offs based on the success of "Batman: The Animated Series."

     

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    Some folks have fond memories of high school; memories that cross your mind once in a while, as you're trying to survive the ups and downs of adulthood. And while it's nice to reminisce sometimes, there are certain people that refuse to get over high school, and will continue to live that time in their life over and over again, never wanting to move on.

    YouTube user Coach Connie complied all the shit high school washups and dudes that peaked in high school say, and if you discover that you say a lot of these things, it's probably time to move on from the glory days.


    You can now find this guy at BBQ's trying to start a game of touch football, in hopes of saying, "I still got it," after every play.

    Blame Facebook: This Is How Facebook Ruins Your High School Reunion

     

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    Everyone has regrets. We've all done something we wish we hadn't, and now we have to live with it. But hey, at least we don't have photographic evidence like the folks (and one guinea pig) below do. That's a special kind of captured regret: the kind that lives on forever in the "Family Memories" album.

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret

    So Much Regret
    Via Pleated-Jeans

    This will also last forever: 15 Regrettable Pop Culture Tattoos

     

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    Ugh, if only I knew mentioning something supernatural would shut my school down I would have had a ball growing up.

    SMK Pengkalan Chepa 2 secondary school, a school in the city of Kota Bharu, was shut down after numerous sightings of a "black figure" were reported in the school, and about 100 people claimed to have been affected by this supernatural being. Take a look at this "black figure" thanks to a picture taken by one of the students.


    The school was shutdown while - and get this - Islamic traditional experts, scholars and witch doctors were called in so that prayer sessions and "exorcisms" can be done. Man, in New York only exterminators were called into my school.

    Students were said to have been "disturbed and possessed" by these "spirits," although I used to have the same reaction before finals.

    Although the school has been reopened, screaming and shouting can still be heard from the school, so the question remains: is the black figure still there or are the students just typical, loud and annoying kids? Stay tuned.

    h/t Telegraph

    We have our own issues: The 10 Scariest Haunted High Schools In America

     

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