Articles on this Page
- 04/29/16--05:10: _10 Ways 'Fear The W...
- 04/29/16--05:56: _Kansas City Firefig...
- 04/29/16--06:00: _'Election Day': Dir...
- 04/29/16--06:44: _Zac Efron Fell On T...
- 04/29/16--06:50: _The Top 10 Embarras...
- 04/29/16--07:08: _Today's Funny Photos
- 04/29/16--07:12: _9 Shitty Albums We...
- 04/29/16--07:12: _Clueless Mom Sends ...
- 04/29/16--07:31: _Key And Peele Attem...
- 04/29/16--07:50: _Top 10 Reasons Why....
- 04/29/16--08:00: _Mississippi Guy Cel...
- 04/29/16--08:32: _Hilarious Text Conv...
- 04/29/16--08:53: _12 Completely Accur...
- 04/29/16--08:57: _This Week's 20 Funn...
- 04/29/16--10:27: _11-Year-Old Boy Sho...
- 04/28/16--23:04: _April Showers Bring...
- 04/29/16--12:14: _This Is Why You Sho...
- 04/29/16--14:22: _Artist Creates Epic...
- 04/29/16--14:53: _Florida Cop Fired A...
- 04/30/16--13:19: _Del Taco Manager's ...
- 04/29/16--05:10: 10 Ways 'Fear The Walking Dead' Tops The Original 'The Walking Dead'
- 04/29/16--06:00: 'Election Day': Director Garry Marshall's Next Big Day Movie
- 04/29/16--06:50: The Top 10 Embarrassing Moments For Presidential Candidates Thus Far
- 04/29/16--07:08: Today's Funny Photos
- 04/29/16--07:12: 9 Shitty Albums We All Owned Growing Up For Some Reason
- 04/29/16--07:50: Top 10 Reasons Why... Camping Sucks
- 04/29/16--08:32: Hilarious Text Convo Takes An Unexpected Dark Turn
- 04/29/16--08:53: 12 Completely Accurate Dog Breed Slogans
- 04/29/16--08:57: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
- 04/29/16--10:27: 11-Year-Old Boy Shoots Home Intruder, Acts Boss As Hell In Interview
- 04/28/16--23:04: April Showers Bring Sexy Wet Instagram Posts
- 04/29/16--12:14: This Is Why You Should Never Impulsively Buy Anything
- 04/29/16--14:22: Artist Creates Epic Pop Culture Lunch Notes For Husband Every Day
1. So much more can go wrong.
Anybody who's ever been to Los Angeles knows there's plenty of people and places to avoid, and that's without a zombie apocalypse! With "Fear the Walking Dead," they're putting themselves in the mecca of hazardous waste. With an origin story that is pretty tied down, look for this series to let the screws get a little loose. They wouldn't be doing it if they were planning on doing more of the same monotonous routines.
2. There doesn't have to be a stream of character turnover.
"The Walking Dead" is known for its steady list of guest star appearances and quick departures, despite their pansy practices of never killing off a main character, at least until the season six finale, even though we get to wait six months to see who Negan killed off. This show has the ability to explore the human condition without the need for constant brutality, which only creates a strong threshold for big moments. By that, we mean the more people you kill, the less people will eventually care, which has become the case with "TWD," as most people have given up or hate-watch the show now. This show, however, can keep these characters close and have them experience brutality without the obvious death plots.
3. There's more room for suspense building without constant death.
Exploring suspense by not going with the easy play is more nerve-racking than any kind of death. Foreign films do it (American films, not so much) by not pandering to what the viewers want. By either presenting a long, slow burn that leads to what people want or never giving them what they want at all, "Fear" has the opportunity to build a much higher anticipation than "TWD" ever did. As time goes on, viewers will only grow closer with the characters, and when something bad finally does happen, they'll feel it a lot more.
4. They're not afraid to explore the terrain (outside of the woods).
Pretty much since it's second season, "TWD" had set its characters amongst the woods after leaving the city. At one point, around the time Beth died, we saw them back in the city, which almost felt like a different show. Other than that, it's been nearly half a decade of the same kinds of sets (barns, suburban houses, abandoned small town shops), whereas "Fear" is less than a dozen episodes in and has already been in downtown Los Angeles, the beach and now at sea. Their location allows for much more use of the terrain to keep it interesting, or perhaps their writers are just not as big pussies.
5. With no true leader, no one is safe.
Nobody is too likable, which is very real to life in terms of characters. Sure, you have a favorite, but no one has necessarily been crowned the leader, albeit some (Strand) think they're more in charge than others. Since they have no idea what they're doing, and with no leader or real plan in place, this leaves everyone vulnerable. With "TWD," we know Rick isn't going to die anytime soon, but nobody has that convenience in "Fear," which keeps it exciting and unpredictable. Anything can happen, anyone can go and nobody is safe, especially since they don't have a true leader. Look for Travis to grow into the role with time, though.
6. The characters and their plot lines feel more believable.
It helps that this cast feels much less commercial than the "TWD" cast. The demographics, interracial mixture and widespread character traits (a junkie with street smarts) feel more real to life. Maybe that's just because it's based in Los Angeles, but there's also more of a family element that is hardly explored in "TWD" outside of Rick's family. "Fear" is centered around a single family and the people they choose to help along the way, which makes you feel more a part of the family and thus a little more concerned for its whole well-being, as opposed to a bunch of one-off stragglers who are conveniently all good looking.
7. The girls are hotter.
Have you seen Alycia Debnam-Carey (Alicia)? We have, and she's the perfect girl next door. Kim Dickens (Madison) is arguably the hottest mom in a lead dramatic role ever, and Mercedes Masohn (Ofelia) is quickly winning us over. Although "TWD" has that hot trashy kind of look, these women are diverse L.A. types and cannot be topped.
8. The government's role adds a lot of suspense.
Something we might see more of in "TWD," should they ever take the story line somewhere, is a look at the government's position in the story. The military played a big (and interesting) role in season one of "Fear," and hopefully they'll continue to bring that into the mix. "TWD" explores too much of the same crap with the same people that never leads anywhere, but "Fear" is exploring things from every angle, and even though it's early on, we can already tell it's learning from the mistakes of its AMC origin story.
9. With less pressure comes more freedom to get weird with the story line.
As long as it winds its way toward merging with "The Walking Dead," there's no reason a companion series can't take the opportunity to have a little fun with their stories and experiment with some off-the-wall ideas. This will potentially lend itself to other companion series, even short ones (like on a plane, with zombies instead of snakes). There's enough safe play in TV show business, especially coming from the bigger series, that it'd be nice to see a show take some gambles and get the crowd's attention. Since it's based in Los Angeles, there's a druggie as one of the leads and nobody has a clue what's going on, we'd say the odds of it getting weird in a good way are exceptionally high.
10. It can make 'The Walking Dead' better when they merge.
Most people have checked out on "TWD," despite its willingness to up the ante in the past couple of seasons, but the show still needs to press forward and quit milking the comics so much. "Fear" being as good as it's been so far tells us that its potential could merge with the show when they meet up with Rick and the gang. That juxtaposition is only going to make the origin story stronger. Or maybe they'll just settle down for five seasons of comfortable suburban living.
It is known that police offers and firefighters have always had a rivalry, but it seems firefighters in Kansas City may have the upper hand after responding to a call of some cops trapped in an elevator.
The incident occurred at the Kansas City Police Academy and involved an elevator stalling after too much weight was put on it. Firefighters were called in to rescue the cops, but not before making fun of them. Check out what Kansas City Fire Department chief Gregg Favre posted on his Twitter:
It's pretty obvious firefighters were excited about their "catch."
And the police department was not.
Everyone was fine, but it seems it will take a while for the police department to get over it:
Maybe the cops can get their revenge at this year's softball game.
Sometimes it's cops that do the trolling: Florida Burglar Mocks Cops On Facebook, Gets Caught And Trolled
Garry Marshall is the Hollywood legend behind everything from "Happy Days" to "Pretty Woman" and tons of classics in between. Recently, though, he's made a name for himself by cashing in on cliched rom-coms based on major days of the year: "Valentine's Day," "New Year's Eve" and now this weekend, "Mother's Day."
What's next for Garry? Well, never one to miss an opportunity, Garry has already turned out his next masterpiece and it looks like a truly remarkable filmmaking accomplishment. I know where I'll be on the second Tuesday in November. The local cineplex.
Zac Efron may seem like a perfect specimen (damn you and your abs, Efron!) but even he looks like an idiot sometimes, at least according to the picture below.
While filming a scene for next year's "Baywatch" that involved running in the sand and looking cool next to The Rock, and hot co-stars, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach and Ilfenesh Hadera, Efron wiped out, instantly having the coolness sucked from him.
Take a look at the photo below thanks to Efron's Instagram:
And since the Internet won't ever let you live anything down, people quickly went to work on their own versions of "Stumbling Zac."
Not so perfect now, huh, Zac? (No, you still are, you bastard).
h/t The Wrap
Eyes up here: Chris Evans Got Caught Looking At Elizabeth Olsen's Boobs And The Internet Took It From There
Like this monumental fail, the following incidents reflect that timeless Mark Twain quote all too well: "Politicians and diapers should be changed often, and for the same reason."
Ted Cruz Tries to Kiss His Daughter
In January, while campaigning in Iowa, Ted Cruz tried to kiss his daughter Carolina, only to have her pull away and yelp like she was being attacked by rapid killer bees. He tried again, successfully laying one on her cheek as she recoiled. Cruz then meekly looked at the camera as if he knew it was going to be front-page news in the morning. What do you think guys? Creepier than Joe Biden's kiss heard round the world?
Hillary Clinton Says She Keeps Hot Sauce in Her Purse to Appeal to Black Voters
Hillary Clinton was recently a guest on "The Breakfast Club," a talk show on New York City's hottest hip-hop channel 105.1 FM. The host asked her what's one thing she carries with her at all times, and Clinton said, "Hot sauce." Charlamagne Tha God—that's his actual showbiz name—immediately called bullshit and asked her if she was pandering to black voters. Clinton replied, "Is it working?" She also boasted about once winning a game of dominoes in Harlem.
Craig Mazin, the Ghost of Ted Cruz's Past
In 2013, The Daily Beast ran an article featuring Craig Mazin, Hollywood screenwriter and freshman college dorm roommate of Ted Cruz. Simply put, Mazin didn't like him.
"My freshman year college roommate Ted Cruz is going to be elected Senator. In case I hadn't made it clear, he's also a huge asshole," Mazin has tweeted. It's not the best endorsement, given they cohabited in a tiny cell for one full year. He continued, "I remember very specifically that he had a book in Spanish and the title was 'Was Karl Marx a Satanist?' And I thought, who is this person?"
Mazin, writer of two "The Hangover" films and six other successful comedies, recently tweeted about Cruz's support for a sex toy ban while he was Senator of Texas: "Ted Cruz thinks people don't have a right to "stimulate their genitals." I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his." When asked what their chemistry was like alone in that Princeton dorm in 1988, Mazin said, "It was very chilly in there."
Donald Trump Retweets a Picture Comparing Melania Trump to Heidi Cruz
After a super-secret SuperPAC (mysteriously with the same mailing address as Carly Fiorina's SuperPACs, much more mysterious now that Ted Cruz announced she would be his VP) unearthed compelling photography of Melania posing semi-nude for British GQ and questioning the appropriateness of having such a luscious set of T&A in the White House as a first lady, Trump assumed it was Ted. He got Twitter-happy and retweeted a photo comparing Heidi Cruz to Melania. Eventually realizing the severity of the insult, Trump apologized. It was his first time apologizing since entering the race.
Bernie Sanders Pens "The Most Economically Illiterate Tweet Ever"
Bernie kvetched one day in October: "It makes no sense that students and their parents pay higher interest rates for college than they pay for car loans or housing mortgages." To college kids with an 18th Century Turkish Poetry degree, the tweet seemed perfectly reasonable. To others, not so much. Legions of Twitter users took umbrage with the junior senator's musing, explaining that student loans are unsecured with no collateral—unlike houses and cars. For example, banks aren't going to be able to repossess your 18th Century Turkish Poetry degree given its intangibility. Thus, the high rates.
Hillary Clinton's "Just Chillin' in Cedar Rapids" Video
Bill Clinton could pull off cool. Hell, he could Snapchat himself with a cigar in one hand and an intern in the other and still win the popular vote. Hillary has realized the importance of digital media, and has taken to Snapchats and Emojis and interactive quizzes to engage her supporters. Last July, for example, while chilling in Cedar Rapids, she announced to the world via Snapchat that she was indeed just "chillin' in Cedar Rapids." Thanks, Hillary.
Ted Cruz Auditions for "The Simpsons"
Yes, it appears the man who once tried to outlaw dildos, vibrators and even the occasional butt plug has a humorous side. Buzzfeed reached out to Cruz in June to do a series of impressions after legendary voice actor Harry Shearer left "The Simpsons." The result was nothing short of cringeworthy, and may God have mercy on our souls.
Donald Trump Reminisces on the 7/11 Terror Attacks
Donald Trump was in New York rallying troops for the New York Primary when, in what was perhaps a Freudian slip, said 7/11 instead of 9/11. "I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart. Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action," he said. Donald, Islamic extremists don't work at 7-Eleven, you bigot. Indians and Pakistanis do.
Hillary Clinton and Bill de Blasio Joke About "Colored People's Time"
CPT, as it's called on the streets, is a derogatory term which plays on the stereotype that black people are always late. On April 9th at the fundraising gala known as 2016 Inner Circle, Hillary, dressed in what appears to be an intergalactic space emperor's suit, thanked NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio personally for endorsing her. "It took you long enough," she said to lighthearted chortles in the audience.
But then the punchline from de Blasio brought the room down: "Sorry Hillary. I was running on CP time." The audience audibly gasps, to which Hillary tried to redeem the situation with, "Cautious politician's time." You would think that someone who carries hot sauce in her purse and runs an underground street dominoes empire in Harlem would be a tad more tactful.
John Kasich Eats a Lot
It's difficult to dig up dirt on John Kasich because I've never heard him speak. Perhaps wisely, Kasich stuffs his maw with pizza, pickles, spaghetti, sandwiches, ice cream, soup, bacon, and more pizza at press time to avoid embarrassing quotes or falling for dirty media tricks. Very smart, indeed, Kasich.
"He has a news conference all the time when he's eating. I have never seen a human being eat in such a disgusting fashion." -Donald J. Trump
Holy farts, it's Friday! Was it just me or was this week abnormally long? And was it just me or was everyone a lot gassier than usual? Just me on that second one? All right then. Perhaps a trip to the gastroenterologist is in order. Speaking of stomachs, the funny photos below may make you laugh your guts out. Be careful. And TGIF!
ICYMI: Yesterday's Funny Photos
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This is a bad tattoo, but it's not as bad as this thigh tattoo.
Haven't had enough yet? Here are more Funny Photos for ya.
"Feeling Strangely Fine" - Semisonic
A lot of these crappy album purchases came from signing up for the club, picking your obvious winners and then realizing you still need six more albums. By that point, you were already exhausted having searched for the first six, so you said something like, "Oh well, I kinda like that song 'Closing Time,' so I'll give this band a chance." As is usually the case, you should not have listened to yourself, because now you had the rest of 1998's "Feeling Strangely Fine" to suffer through, which gave you the strangest desire to punch yourself in the face. What's most surprising is that Semisonic managed to put out a greatest hits compilation in 2003 which isn't just 13 remixes of "Closing Time."
"Tubthumper" - Chumbawamba
We should have known from the band name to just leave this group alone. Or at least by the title of the album, and its freakishly catchy tune, "Tubthumping." Alas, the song has mercilessly become the soundtrack of many an otherwise enjoyable hockey game. In retrospect, I think I was attracted to the creative usage of the Irish folk tune "Danny Boy" within the manic song, but upon the millionth forced listen, I realize that was an overly hopeful interpretation on my part. And now, not only can't I sell the album, but I have been so thoroughly pummeled by its hit, so knocked down, that I may not get up again.
"Yourself or Someone Like You" - Matchbox 20
Here's another group you wouldn't think would have a greatest hits compilation, but these assholes (from Florida, suspiciously enough) actually released a 5-disc box set of their best crap. God knows I would never listen to any more of this 3 hours and 36 minutes of music than a Nazi might force me to, but I can't imagine any of it is better than the stuff we all actually bought first -- their 1996 debut album "Yourself or Someone Like You." Sure, "3 A.M." has a catchy allure to it, which makes you think there might be something biting there, but you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. It's just pure saccharine. Which I believe causes cancer.
"New Miserable Experience" - Gin Blossoms
God, I hope my 33 Spotify followers (bless your hearts) don't judge me for the horrible selections I've been making to write this list. But if there's one band I want to be associated with the least, it's the f--king Gin Blossoms. How could I have ever fallen for such a bunch of sucks as these rock infidels? They're the anti-rock. I don't care how young and foolish I was or how many CDs I got for one cent, I just can't forgive myself for not realizing the name of this album was actually a literal interpretation. Shockingly, the Gin Blossoms -- I'm softer just saying their name -- have three separate versions of "New Miserable Experience," including the one we all had, as well as a rarities edition and a "Deluxe Edition." And two separate greatest hits albums, to boot! Who the hell do these guys think they are? This is how softness spreads. This is how the Russians win.
"Silver Side Up" – Nickelback
My wife just came upstairs to check on me when she heard this shockingly popular 2001 album playing. Fortunately, she stopped throwing the word "divorce" around once she found out I was doing research. And no, for the record, I didn't own this album, and I would never own it or any other Nickelback album. Or any album from anyone who had sex with anyone in Nickelback (sorry Avril). But a whole lot of people did own this unfortunate reminder of the empty aughts, and you're the reason our civilization is enduring "How You Remind Me" until the end of perpetuity, and crumbling because of it.
"Human Clay" - Creed
I just realized that I've been doing a very good job of ranting about the horrendousness of these albums without doing a very good job of explaining why they're so bad. In my defense, is there really any way for me to talk you out of your bad taste? Probably not, so I won't try. But know this: while those who disagree with the commonly held opinion that these albums are terrible will inevitably be more vociferous, their awfulness is still common knowledge. And since popular opinion probably got you into this mess, perhaps it's time to use popular opinion to get you out. This is best illustrated with Creed, another band full of soulless white dudes (I'm noticing a trend!) who made it sound just rock enough to be classified as such, but are actually the polar opposite of the transcendent meaning of the word. I hate to say this, but the more your human clay is made up of particles of Creed, the better chance you're going to burn in the kiln of life. They are just another Floridian band poisoning our airwaves, cashing in on a decade of soullessness with a greatest hits album and a three-disc "retrospective." Careful Florida, if not for Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Allmans, I might have to start making some generalizations.
"Backstreet Boys" – Backstreet Boys
You may think that just because everyone else had the Backstreet Boys debut album, that made it OK to have it, but time has proven you wrong yet again. You've probably gone a long time without pulling this one out of the old disc library, right? Because it has no use anymore besides conjuring up dreams of early dirty dancing at the school dance. Not surprisingly by now, this is another big band from Florida that blew up in the late '90s. It was a f--king epidemic, and something should have been done. Isn't that why we hired Tipper Gore? (By the way, I'm leaving NSYNC, another possibly deserving Florida band, off this list out of respect for Justin Timberlake.)
"Breathless" - Kenny G
"Who the hell owned a Kenny G album?" I hope you're asking, as I did when I came across this questionably authentic list of the Columbia House Music Club's best-selling albums of the '90s. Well, apparently at least four million members of the club did. Not only was Kenny's hair a sign of his softness back then, but it has remained so curly soft since. Which may be great for his lounge act, but I hope Kenny G knows that when he dies, there will be no GIFs of his transformative looks throughout the years. Just curls. Long, well-kept, oft-conditioned curls.
"Out of Time" - R.E.M.
I know, a lot of people love this band, but if you're one of them, I'm pretty sure you're remembering a better time in your life when you weren't as sad as Michael Stipe. Perhaps he made you feel better then, but now, he's abetting your sadness. Look at yourself, you're pathetically holding onto the most pathetic sad sack band of the '90s. You are not a shiny happy person anymore, and if you keep listening to "Out of Time," you never will be again. So let it go.
While moms try their best to stay in the loop, they sometimes do things that remind us that they're...well, moms. And there is no better proof than what one girl's mom did when she was asked by her insurance for pictures of her car.
Take a look at how one mom misunderstood her insurance company's request (thanks to her daughter's Twitter):
Maybe Susan was just feeling really fabulous that day.
"Jesus Christ of mighty!": Scottish Girl's 'Allergic Reaction' Snapchat Prank Sends Mom Into Panic Mode
I'm sure actors get exhausted doing the same interview over and over again in order to promote their movie, so comedians Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele wanted to try something different while promoting their new movie "Keanu."
Key and Peele found themselves in an interview with Hot Ones from First We Feast to discuss their movie, all while trying to eat five hot wings that continued to get spicier and spicier. Check out the hilarious interview below:
Kudos to them for getting through it without drinking anything, as I would have been struggling to promote my stuff through sobs.
Although this reporter had a pretty great time, too: Leslie Mann and Dakota Johnson Go Nuts And Flirt With Reporter During Interview
With the weather warming up and the summer months approaching, you are likely to start getting invites to go camping from family and friends. Feel free to politely decline and go to a beach resort instead. Why? Because camping sucks. And here are the top ten reasons why.
More: Top 10 Reasons Why... Your Coworkers Hate You
It's pretty well known that your city isn't in a rush to fix any potholes, and there usually isn't much you can do to get them to fix it as soon as possible. But one guy may have "cracked the code," and all it took was some balloons and a "Happy Birthday."
Eddie Prosser from Jackson, MS was tired of a giant pothole that resided in the middle of the road for a year. So Prosser decided to honor the pothole by celebrating its one year birthday with some balloons and some kind words. Take a look at the picture of the pothole below thanks to Prosser's Facebook:
"Happy Birthday Pothole. I have been here over a year! My 2 little brother potholes, too!" the sign reads. "311 calls about us started on February 2015," Prosser added.
Just one day after this picture was shared the pothole was filled in temporarily, proving that sometimes all you need to do is be a little festive to get attention.
Prosser said he only came up with this idea after several calls to 311 failed to do much of anything. But now, his little stunt has worked, and has even gotten the attention of Mayor Tony Yarber:
"We want to address the critical road issues our citizens face on a daily basis. The "Pothole Blitz" will help in this effort. We are excited to be at a point where residents can see their tax dollars at work," Yarber states.
It's a little too late, Yarber.
h/t Huffington Post
Or you can take this route: Activist Known As 'Wanksy' Draws Penises Around Potholes To Get Them Fixed
Plenty of hilarious text conversations fill the Internet hole, but sometimes a convo takes a turn out of nowhere -- a dark turn. Take a look at the exchange below that ends in a way no one was expecting.
I wonder if Derek ever found out.
Now cringe at these: The Most Uncomfortable Wrong-Number Texts You Will Ever Read
Every dog is pretty unique, and that's just one of the reasons we prefer them over people, but some dog breeds are pretty much known for a specific thing that makes them fairly easy to recognize. Take a look at 12 accurate dog breed slogans below, with great illustrations done by Laura Palumbo:
These dogs have it tough: 10 Bizarre Dog Breeds That Shouldn't Exist
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot— tara shoe (@tarashoe) July 13, 2015
girl on twitter: I love when people hang easter eggs in trees! cute— errkuh (@hairicaaa) March 27, 2016
[6 hrs pass]
guy: hey pic.twitter.com/WliqRjOkO9
[on a date]— nige [ham] (@koalaslament) March 31, 2015
*showing her pics of my pet lizards*
ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth"
HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
I guess the most unexpected turn my life has taken in the last five years is I learned how to spell "LaBeouf and "McConaughey" from memory.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 28, 2016
Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds pic.twitter.com/U3CX3Gcb0V— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 10, 2016
[pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral]— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 2, 2015
sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute
HER: I'm leaving you— Rocky Momax (@rockymomax) April 13, 2016
HER: u lie to me constantly
ME: ha! u don't just leave the man who invented the spatula Amber
"First off bitch..— V.I. BOY (@Dutty_Jermz) October 24, 2014
I'm bout to learn how to walk next week...and what you gonna be doing??
Crawling wit ya lame ass" pic.twitter.com/zbqzLO9000
Ok look I know this is controversial, but I actually hate both the player and the game— Katy Stoll (@katystoll) April 8, 2016
if youre just waking up from a coma, facebook is now a 1 minute cooking video website— chuuch (@ch000ch) April 14, 2016
One reason I don't think I could run for president is because if someone ran an attack ad against me, I would cry— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) April 12, 2016
This isn't exactly what we were thinking pic.twitter.com/zrkh3OBNyl— Tom Morello (@tmorello) April 12, 2016
You never really forget how to misquote sayings. It's like buying a bicycle— Long Island Lolita (@Prof_Hinkley) April 25, 2015
tbh I thought it said saloon but I couldn't be happier with these highlights, debra, thank you— karate snake (@Karate_Horse) June 25, 2015
[dogs around campfire]— trojansauce(d) (@trojansauce) May 27, 2015
*flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
Just like mom used to make. pic.twitter.com/Fb1Ia38gDO— Yael (@elle91) December 8, 2014
Boyfriend: you really don't have to do that— Elizabeth (@elizabeth_fels) February 24, 2016
Me: *getting a lower back tattoo of his Call of Duty kill/death ratio* I'm just proud of u babe
Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.
I think at 11 years old I was trying to figure out how to talk to girls without throwing up, so I can't say I was as tough as the kid in this story who shot a burglar who had broken into his home.
Chris Gaither, from Talledega, Alabama, was hanging out alone in his home on a Wednesday morning for some reason when a home intruder broke in. Like a typical kid who grew up in Alabama, Chris quickly grabbed a gun and caught the man walking down the stairs with a hamper. Again, seems like a typical thing for someone in Alabama to do.
Chris fired 11 shots after the robber told him he was going to kill him. Chris missed with all 11 shots, but finally got the guy on his leg on the 12th shot. Take a look at Chris explain what went down for WVTM 13 news:
"He started crying like a baby." Man, that's just brutal. This kid goes hard.
h/t Bro Bible
"Don't worry, I got this, babe" Homeowners Girlfriend Shoots At Robbers During Home Invasion
It's spring now, and you know what that means: Girls are itching to strip down, get wet and take sexy photos for immediate Instagram entries. If The Hottest Weather Girls on Instagram weren't enough for your eyes, you might have some luck with the hottest girls getting wet on Instagram. You think we're using the weather as an excuse to toss up some scantily-clad women in wet clothes in order to waste more of your day, don't you? Well, you're absolutely correct. Now put up an away message saying you're eating and enjoy.
Sara Jean Underwood@saraunderwood
Rachel Cook @rachelc00k
Lily Brooke @lilybrooke
Everyone has impulsively purchased something, and it's usually something super lavish that you didn't need at all. Well, the person below did exactly that but brought home an item that not a lot of people would have ever bought.
On second thought, this purchase was worth it.
Thanks, Internet: Guy Takes Selfie With Goat, Gets Roasted By Internet
It's hard to define true love, but this has got to be pretty close. Imgur user ImLickingYourEar posted the following artwork with the caption, "An acquaintance of mine draws her husband a note for his lunches and they are amazing!" That pretty well sums them up. Fans of "Game of Thrones," rapper/actor Ice Cube and even Donald Trump will surely find the following drawings from the Mississippi artist entertaining...and maybe even a little appetizing.
I guess the craftiest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Related: Two Cartoonists In Same Apartment Building Trade Angry Notes With Epic Twist Ending
According to Jacksonville.com, 26-year-old rookie police officer Akinyemi Borisade has been terminated from the Sheriff's Office and subsequently arrested for battery for beating up a handcuffed woman at the jail after she attempted to kick him.
The following video is pretty disturbing.
What's almost as disturbing as the cop's violence against the woman is that the other officers just stand around and watch, and then offer her no aid when she collapses to the ground.
Even more disturbing than that? Another beating by the same cop happened when the woman was initially being arrested in a parking lot. Take a look:
The woman, 31-year-old Mayra Alejandra Martinez, was initially arrested after a dispute at a strip club. She was reported to be intoxicated and disturbing patrons.
As mentioned, the first-year cop has been terminated and arrested on a battery charge. Undersheriff Pat Ivey added, "There are ways that this could have been dealt with without striking her."
"Appalled" is the word used by Del Taco themselves to describe the actions of their employee recently in Peoria, Arizona. Take a look at the video (recorded by the customer) and you'll understand why.
In their statement, Del Taco disclosed that the employee was terminated immediately and the incident was addressed directly with the location's franchisee.
For more on the story, head to abc15.com.