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- 05/05/16--09:14: _Here Are Strapless ...
- 05/05/16--09:43: _Bar Refaeli's New C...
- 05/05/16--09:50: _30 Of The Funniest ...
- 05/05/16--09:59: _Seth Rogen And Chlo...
- 05/05/16--10:25: _Your Smartphone Wil...
- 05/05/16--13:47: _Nathan Fielder Has ...
- 05/06/16--03:57: _The 10 Weirdest Pl...
- 05/06/16--04:17: _Today's Funny Photos
- 05/06/16--04:19: _Vintage Casting Pol...
- 05/06/16--05:20: _This Dog Just Wante...
- 05/06/16--05:50: _This Week's 20 Funn...
- 05/06/16--06:50: _10 Things That Stil...
- 05/06/16--06:58: _Shocking Discovery ...
- 05/06/16--07:50: _Top 10 Mothers Ranked
- 05/06/16--08:07: _Proof That Every Ti...
- 05/06/16--09:50: _25 Of The Funniest ...
- 05/06/16--11:52: _This Is Considered ...
- 05/06/16--12:05: _British Dad On Vaca...
- 05/06/16--12:22: _Dude Tries To Win B...
- 05/06/16--13:46: _'Ten Inch Mutant Ni...
- 05/05/16--09:43: Bar Refaeli's New Commercial Is Too Hot For Israeli TV
- 05/05/16--09:50: 30 Of The Funniest 'Game Of Thrones' Tweets Of All Time
- 05/05/16--10:25: Your Smartphone Will Tell You If Her Boobs Are Real Or Fake
- 05/06/16--04:17: Today's Funny Photos
- 05/06/16--04:19: Vintage Casting Polaroids Of Famous Celebrities Will Blow Your Mind
- 05/06/16--05:20: This Dog Just Wanted To Help Its Owner Go Viral
- 05/06/16--05:50: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
- 05/06/16--06:50: 10 Things That Still Piss Me Off About 'Twister'
- 05/06/16--07:50: Top 10 Mothers Ranked
- 05/06/16--08:07: Proof That Every Tinder Convo Always Ends Up Being Sexual
- 05/06/16--09:50: 25 Of The Funniest Mother's Day Tweets Of All Time
- 05/06/16--11:52: This Is Considered Dancing In Jamaica
While society continues to work on getting an apartment complex on Mars, it looks like we've already accomplished one great feat: getting strapless invisible panties on gals. Talk about progress!
Thanks to Shibue Couture, ladies now can get strapless panties that are washable, reusable, self-adhesive and even invisible. The Shibue Strapless Panty also erases panty line worries. But since you're only interested in the pictures, here you go!
Sure it looks like a piece of tape, but hey, no panty lines. Here's a closer look at what this actually is:
Ahh, makes sense. Now back to the women:
But seriously, look at this thing:
Now look at them some more:
And hey, what about us guys? Forget boxers. What are we? Cavemen?! Look at this:
Bet you fellas are rushing to get those now.
Now take a look at this: Watch These Women Try Vibrating Panties On For The First Time
Apparently, folks in Israel don't enjoy seeing a hot girl prance around on the beach.
It seems that TV executives had a problem with Bar Refaeliand her new commercial for clothing firm Hoodies because it has been deemed "too raunchy" for their viewers. The 45-second ad shows the 30-year-old Israeli model dancing and smiling at nothing on the beach, taking a shower, smiling some more at nothing and changing her underwear behind a car door.
Gasp! Racy! Take a look at the video below:
The Second Broadcasting Authority for Television and Radio has ordered for some segments of the ad to be cut out of the commercial in order for it to be shown on Israeli television. And even with the edits the ad won't be shown before 10 p.m. But we can watch it whenever the hell we want. #ThanksAmerica
I really don't see the big deal.
Not at all.
h/t The Sun
We think she's having a baby: Bar Refaeli Posted A Pregnant Bikini Photo In Which She Doesn't Look Pregnant At All
It's pretty hard to find laughs during "Game of Thrones," since your favorite characters get killed off on a constant basis. Don't worry about all those tears, though, because these funny guys and gals have thought of some truly hilarious jokes that'll brighten your day no matter if you're a die-hard fan or just a casual viewer. There might be a few spoilers, but nothing you wouldn't see anytime you open your browser or have a discussion with friends.
Game of Thrones is the only show on TV where the answer to "is he really going to kill a baby?" is pretty much always "yes."— side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) May 2, 2016
"Choose password"— Terry F (@daemonic3) June 4, 2014
"Password must not contain common names & must be complex with at least 50 characters"
Without the opening credits, an episode of Game of Thrones would only be 7 minutes and 35 seconds long.— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 11, 2015
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) May 11, 2015
[game of thrones meeting]— Hippo (@InternetHippo) May 15, 2015
What should the dragon's name be?
Nice. When'd you think of that?
"Today while driving my station wogon"
I just want a guy who loves me for me and who understands that if he watches Game of Thrones without me, it's over.— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 19, 2015
[roller blades up to teens] game of thrones is cool right guys? how about game of getting stoned? Im talkin bout dru- [badge falls out] SHIT— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) May 25, 2015
At this point, the only thing that could shock me on Game of Thrones is if someone died of natural causes.— Erica (@SCbchbum) May 2, 2016
HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) January 6, 2016
I just can't imagine the kid I'll eventually have will ever make me as thrilled and excited as Game of Thrones just did.— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) June 1, 2015
All the people in Game of Thrones should wear Hello My Name Is tags— lisa goodwin (@LisaGoodwin1) June 2, 2015
the game of thrones song plays as the camera pans across my living room and instead of cities it's different fast food wrappers— smash mouth fan (@HumanPog) June 8, 2015
Take your actual name and spell it wrong. That's your Game of Thrones name.— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 23, 2015
For my birthday I just want to explain the entire Game of Thrones backstory to my guests (who are not allowed to leave)— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) April 28, 2016
Pretty cool how they can find a ring in 5 miles of grass on Game of Thrones but I can't find my PS4 controller when it's plugged into my PS4— Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) April 25, 2016
There's a fine line between the people I discuss Game Of Thrones with at work and a grief counseling support group.— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) June 15, 2015
Damn girl are you Game of Thrones 'cause I just can't get into you even though all my friends think you're great.— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) June 15, 2015
If the mountain from game of thrones gains one more pound he'll have perfect measurements pic.twitter.com/OpfLsGm6EY— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 1, 2016
ME: Actually, her name is not Khaleesi. That's her Dothraki title. Her name is Daenerys Targaryen.— pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 21, 2015
GUY ON SUBWAY: I didn't say anything
Please no Game of Thrones spoilers, I plan to start watching the series in 5 to 10 years.— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) April 25, 2016
I don't know, I just feel like a lot of the people on Game of Thrones could treat each other more kindly— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) April 25, 2016
It really bums me out when the wildlings on Game of Thrones have whiter teeth than me.— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) May 2, 2016
If you're nervous about the new season of Game of Thrones, do what I do and imagine them naked.— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) March 9, 2016
crazy how Game of Thrones is the prequel to Friends— chuuch (@ch000ch) April 25, 2016
everyone in this Starbucks is gonna be super pissed when they find out I gave the barista a Game of Thrones spoiler as my name— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 23, 2016
[Creating starfish]— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) April 18, 2016
God: Make it star shaped
Technician: What else?
God: [realising game of thrones starts in 3 mins] Literally nothing else
I love Game of Thrones! I mean, I can't remember anyone's name or what is happening but I've always been super drawn to ice zombies.— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 25, 2016
I hope Game of Thrones ends with everybody dead, and the throne realizing that true power comes from the confidence to be yourself.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 15, 2015
"Did you guys see Game of Thrones last night? No? Well I couldn't believe it when.."— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 15, 2015
America is like the latest episodes of Game Of Thrones in that nerds who read all the books have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) March 2, 2016
More: The 25 Funniest Tweets About 'The Walking Dead'
BBC Radio 1 has stumbled onto a gold mine of comedy with their "Playground Insults" segment. We first saw Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg go mano a mano back in December 2015, with Ferrell emerging the clear victor. This time around, Seth Rogen and Chloë Grace Moretz stopped by to promote "Neighbors 2" and dished out some juvenile digs on each other. You might be surprised to see who wound up on top, though.
I'm totally calling out everyone on their "swackets" from here on out.
Related: The Ultimate Insult Creator
And in most cases, your eyes will tell you, "Who cares?"
According to Maxim, outside of bluntly asking a young lady, the easiest way to determine if her breasts are real or purchased is by turning on your smartphone's flashlight and pressing it up against them.
If her jugs are fake, the silicone or saline implants will absorb and reflect the light, meaning they'll turn into a set of glow-in-the-dark lamps. Thankfully, at least one girl did the test on herself and posted it on YouTube for all to see:
Of course, once you perform the test, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing whether or not they're real. However, the odds of her letting you hang around and get the full experience will probably be slim to none.
No need for your phone's flashlight here: Say Hello To The Woman With The Largest Fake Breasts In The World
If you're not a fan of writer and comedian Nathan Fielder, that's about to change today. After presidential hopeful Donald Trump (yes, he may be the next PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES) posted a very tasteless tweet about his love for Hispanics via taco bowls, Nathan responded in kind, nailing the exact flaw in The Donald's logic (not to mention his character):
I think this tweet in response to Nathan's zinger just about sums it up:
While it may sound like an ideal place to get your tubesteak trapped for five or ten minutes -- 30 tops -- getting trapped in a vagina is a real, actual problem with a legitimate Latin word used to describe it: penis captivus. Yikes! Take, for example, what happened to an Italian couple who started hydro-banging in the Mediterranean Sea, which induced a vaginal spasm that produced enough suction to make them unplunge from the sea and finish in the ER with a team of doctors disconnecting their bits 'n' pieces. Now that's amore!
Here's two words I never want associated with my manhood: metal grinder. Alas, a Southampton man suffered such a fate when he got his Pied Piper all up in a metal pipe. Good thing the fire department had a metal grinder, too, since the local hospital couldn't get the job done, as restricted blood flow gave our intrepid pipe f--ker a hard-on that wouldn't budge. So seven firemen gave him the grinder treatment in order to save the organ. Which, kind of sounds like the worst porno ever made, doesn't it?
Did you hear the one about the midget and the vacuum cleaner? Well, then allow me to regale you with the tale of the time wee performer Daniel Blackner accidentally glued a vacuum cleaner hose to his own obviously-not-proportional hose. Apparently, Blackner's Edenborough Fringe Festival act involved putting his penis into a Henry vacuum cleaner, and then pulling it around the stage. When part of the vacuum broke, Blackner tried to superglue it back together, just before show time. When the lights came on, he put his dong in the hole and realized the glue was still wet, and a very crowded emergency room beckoned. While this was indeed unfortunate, it does at least prove the theory that adding a little person to any story makes it inherently funnier.
You know what's worse than getting your tongue caught on a frozen metal pole, a la "A Christmas Story?" Accidentally adhering your own pole to a metal bus shelter. That's the kind of thing that can only happen in Stravropol, Russia, where a man (presumably named something-ov) got his пенис stuck to a metal bus stop while trying to take a discreet pee in 30-below weather. It takes a brave man to attempt such a bold pee, and a meek man to wait it out as the crowds gather before the paramedics can extricate you with some warm water. And then the motherland bans you from public transit.
Man, I just jumped on a huge grenade for you people. I definitely should not have clicked on that image. But The Daily Dot didn't mention what kind of tape roll this 4chan oversharer got his wang-dang-doodle stuck in, which he then decided to live blog about. Turns out it was electric tape -- he couldn't even man up to duct tape. Still, horrifying, especially after the guy decided to draw a happy face on his unhappy porksword for no apparent reason. But while that uncensored and extremely NSFW image was indeed tough to look at, it wasn't quite as bad as what I found after Google image searching "frozen dick" for the previous entry.
We all know that guy who, if drunk enough, will "f--k anything." Well, until he f--cks a toaster, you can't say that about him anymore. Details are few and far between on this one, but the incident appears on a list put out by the London Fire Brigade imploring people to start using common sense and stop f--king household appliances.
Another instance of a penis going to its biblical destination only to end up bound so by a higher vaginal power, this story doesn't have quite the happy ending you were probably looking for. The man in question kicked it in the middle of banging a whore. Which, I recon, isn't the worst way to go, though it certainly couldn't have been fun for the prostitute who had to then deal with some dead guy's Mr. Knish stuck up her nether lips. Fortunately, the incident somehow went viral, so hopefully the poor lady of the night parlayed such fame into a higher rate, or maybe even a movie deal.
I totally understand the desire to add length, but there has to be a point where you stop trying to control nature and just accept the small cock God gave you. And when, in an effort to stretch yourself out, you start dangling heavy welding nuts from the end of your little love muscle, you have reached that point. Alas, it took this Malaysian man a terribly timed erection to figure that out.
Weird Asian News is becoming my key source for stuck penis stories. This one comes to us from Hong Kong, where a park goer was out celebrating the Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies, saw some attractive holes in a local bench, and attempted to bang one of them only to find out that once he became really excited about such a perfect hole, it quickly became imperfect. First responders drew blood on the scene, but his one-eyed dragon still wouldn't budge, so they had to cut the bench in order to transport him to the hospital. Four hours later, he was good to go, presumably free to seek out bigger holes elsewhere (perhaps the Olympic Rings).
It's surprising, but this our first entry from Florida. Still, this type of honest mistake could happen just about anywhere there's a swimming pool, as those suction holes are just too damn alluring. But let this be a warning to you would be pool-f--kers out there: There is such a thing as too much suction.
(h/t to the National Coalition For Men (NCFM) for their useful glossary of "174 Ways to Call a Penis Something Other Than a Penis".)
Happy seis de Mayo, everyone! This is the day for everyone out there who just loves to keep the fiesta going. I know that's pretty much all of us. It's Friday, too, so we can keep on partying through the weekend. F yeah! But before we do that, let's all enjoy these funnies.
Follow Mandatory on Twitter and Instagram.
Hey, did you see yesterday's Funny Photos?
More: 15 Cats Who Are Most Definitely Plotting To Hurt You
Related: More Funny Photos for your weekend
OK, here are the celebrities:
1. Uma Thurman
2. Benicio del Toro
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Brad Pitt
5. Jennifer Connelly
6. Ewan McGregor
7. Adrien Brody
8. Jessica Alba
9. Patrick Dempsey
10. Natalie Portman
11. Viggo Mortensen
12. Scarlett Johansson
13. George Clooney
14. Gwyneth Paltrow
15. Gael García Bernal
16. Diane Lane
17. Mickey Rourke
18. Nicole Kidman
Related: Let's Take A Look At 20 Celebrities Then And Now
Dogs are always eager to please and make us happy; that's why dogs are the best. I mean, they even put up with our nonsense when we're desperately trying to make a post go viral. For example, take a look at what the dog below had to do for its owner:
By the look on its face, this isn't the first time it's been forced to wear something stupid.
What a colorful personality: This Is What It Looks Like When A Dog Eats An Entire Box Of Crayons
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
FRIEND: Pretend like you're not too interested— Hippo (@InternetHippo) April 20, 2016
DATE: My grandmother recently passed away
ME: Who cares
Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway— Bonez (@T_Bonezzz_) April 24, 2016
I hate to cancel. I know we made plans to get together tonight but that was two hours ago. I was younger then, and full of hope.— Marly (@VerbsRProudest) October 3, 2014
Is coral the stupidest animal or the smartest rock— Little REW Corvette (@therealeatwood) January 13, 2016
history books should probably just skip 2016 pic.twitter.com/SGA7Ludp3S— sean. (@SeanMcElwee) April 23, 2016
I'm literally crying pic.twitter.com/5IWd14bzKA— Jenny Pancakes (@SteampunkMuppet) April 24, 2016
I bet when your life flashes before your eyes, you have to watch a 10 sec YouTube ad.— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 3, 2016
The amount of ppl that trash talk in comment sections is startling. Like screenshot and text your friends like a normal person— steph stone (@stephstonenails) April 20, 2016
be careful who you call ugly in middle school pic.twitter.com/cbxfawViBx— good opinion haver (@oxygenplug) April 22, 2016
Thanks for the fun trivia, Rob! pic.twitter.com/QSfEGlEP0G— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) April 21, 2016
Imagine Being a Stripper And Having To Pick This Up Every Nite💀 She Staring At Your Soul pic.twitter.com/kzmLyfmx5h— IG & SC: SirAbiola (@SirAbiola) April 20, 2016
WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY "WHAT DID I JUST WATCH" ARE THESE PEOPLE NOT SEEING THAT YOUTUBE VIDEOS HAVE TITLES I MEAN THE ANSWER IS RITE THERE— Flula Borg (@flula) April 20, 2016
Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated."— Ste(ph)en (@stephenjmolloy) April 12, 2016
Ian: "Hate crime?"
Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."
*finally finds comfiest position in bed*— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) January 28, 2016
bladder: so you're not going to believe this
before and after making a Twitter account pic.twitter.com/NKnumimB1K— ben (@benjamillions) April 19, 2016
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one–OH YOU WANNA MERGE? BY ALL MEANS DON'T WAIT FOR ME TO SIGNAL YOU IN"— batkaren (@batkaren) March 9, 2016
–Robert Frost 2016
You're all acting like you've never seen a grown man in a bath robe run full-speed through a museum before.— Scotty (@MarylandMudflap) May 4, 2016
WIFE: Did you finish the yardwork?— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 18, 2016
Decided to give this "reacting" thing a shot. Let me know what you think!https://t.co/i7qq5E6Cex— Danny Gonzalez (@DannyGoonzalez) March 22, 2016
Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.
May 10 will mark the 20th anniversary of the release of "Twister," one of the most memorable movies of the '90s. The movie pretty much focuses on storm chasers trying to create an advanced weather alert system, all while trying to survive a bunch of crazy tornadoes. While it's a fun movie and one of my favorites, it still manages to piss me off to this day because I'm a bitter human who refuses to let go of the past.
Here are 10 things that still piss me off about "Twister":
1.Bill Paxton's Name In The Movie Is Bill
OK, this shouldn't irk me, but I can't help it. It drives me mad when the actor happens to have the same name as his character. So now the entire movie all I hear is "Bill!" and "Bill!" and "Bill!" Like, couldn't he have just gone by William?
2.Dr. Mellisa Reeves
Jami Gertz is a solid actress, but her character in the film made me wish she would have been the tornadoes' first victim. I mean, did she realize she was dating a storm chaser? Why the hell did she spend the entire movie screaming? Poor Bill had to cut her off in order to focus on not being swept away by the tornadoes. But hey, it's not like the audience missed her.
3. Bill Paxton's Line Delivery
I promise I'm not picking on Bill, but man, he's no De Niro. That's for sure. While this movie is all about tornadoes and less about the acting, I wish Bill would have learned to deliver his lines better. I still cringe when I hear him say, "It's already here," or, "I think we're going in!" Eek.
4. Jo Harding Was More Of A Threat Than The Twister
Jo Harding, played by Helen Hunt, spends most of the movie putting herself (and Bill) in danger because she has a weird grudge with tornadoes ever since one killed her father. Bill spends half the movie chasing her around and putting himself in more danger. Not signing the divorce papers was just a ploy to get Bill back in the sack. Damn, Jo.
5. Cow Flies Around, Yet The Car Stays On The Ground
This of course is one of the most memorable scenes in the movie, as it includes Gertz's character informing her client that "We've got cows." But how the hell does Bill's car remain perfectly safe through all this? A huge animal just flew by your window, but that car stays intact.
6. Apparently Tornadoes Growl
I've never been close enough to a tornado to hear it do its thing, but I'm pretty sure they don't sound like a pissed off lion or something that resides deep inside a dark tunnel in a horror movie. I don't know what they were going for here, but hey, it scared the crap out of people.
7. Leather Belts Are A Tornado's Weakness
Sure, your huge house, your truck and your cow are no match for a tornado, but strap yourself to a pipe with some leather belts and you'll introduce that tornado to its weakness. I mean, it worked for Bill and Jo.
8. Jo Sure Does Love Staring At Tornadoes
Usually when someone sees a tornado they run and take cover. Not Jo Harding. She wants to stare at it like she's staring at the Disney World castle for the first time. Like, did you not see the destruction it just created a few minutes ago? How are you still alive, Jo?
9. You're Going To Buy A Dodge And You're Going To Like It
Plenty of companies throw their junk into movies so a worldwide audience can see it, but Dodge made sure to remind you that they have the best fucking truck in history. Not only can their truck not be blown away by the strongest tornadoes known to man, but it can withstand driving through a house, being on fire and being hit by a massive truck. The Dodge Ram will literally beat Mother Nature and any other type of destruction. Damn. I want a Dodge Ram now.
10. This Line
Bill is mad that Jonas (Cary Elwes) is interested in making some cash while putting his life on the line. I mean, that really pisses him off. I had no idea storm chasers were banking, but perhaps Bill should have chilled out.
And yet, even after all this nonsense, I will still watch this movie every single time it airs.
The Internet bashed the hell out of Donald Trump yesterday when he posted an idiotic tweet about loving Hispanics all while looming over some shitty taco bowl. Even comedian Nathan Fielder fired back with a great burn. But if you look closer at that Trump picture, something in the back will shock you.
Really get in close, and notice the picture that resides to the right. See it?
holy shit pic.twitter.com/zJGcHSRGqa— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 5, 2016
Here's a closer view, if you need it.
I mean, are you really surprised?
Check these out: 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Donald Trump
Mother's Day is on Sunday, May 8, so if your mom is a good mom you should get her something nice. Speaking of good mothers, here are the top 10 "mothers" of all time.
Related: The 'Positive Yo Mama' Meme
There are tons of uncomfortable Tinder convos out there, and some even include terrible pick-up lines that actually work. But regardless of how a convo gets started on Tinder, one thing is for sure: It will always become sexual almost instantly.
Take a look at the conversation below to see what I mean:
Maybe that astronomy course he took in college will finally pay off.
No shame: These Tinder Profiles Prove That Some People Have Zero Boundaries
You know what mom wants the most for Mother's Day, right? It's not flowers and it's not some sort of cookware that she'll never use. More than anything, she wants you to read her a list of funny Mother's Day tweets! OK, maybe that's not at the top of her list, but it'll definitely make brunch a little more enjoyable, right? Here are 25 of the funniest jokes for mom from some very funny people on the Internet.
what did I get my mom for Mother's Day? the same thing I got her last year: me not being pregnant— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 10, 2015
Rite Aid was out of Mother's Day cards pic.twitter.com/oL5YOoWboO— Aaron Chewning (@AaronChewning) May 10, 2015
Cool Mother's Day picture, your mom looked kinda hot before she had to raise you— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) May 10, 2015
Happy Mother's Day! Are you sure you aren't your husband's second family? Does he travel for work? You never know. Snoop around.— Timothy Simons (@timothycsimons) May 10, 2015
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms' who don't vaccinate their kids!!! Can't wait for polio to make a comeback!!! It's been WAY too long!!!— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 10, 2015
I was 10 lbs when I was born so I try to at least call my mom once a Mother's Day.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) May 10, 2015
Happy Mother's Day to the one of the 2 gay dads that's a little more womanly!— billy eichner (@billyeichner) May 10, 2015
Happy Mother's day to a special lady who still loves me even though I pooped my pants for over a year after we first met.— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) May 10, 2015
I imagine Mother's Day gets really awkward and confusing on Game of Thrones.— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 9, 2015
[hands mom flowers on Mother's day]— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 7, 2015
thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks
The best Mother's Day card would have a little schmutz on it that needed to be wiped off with a lil mom spit™— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 10, 2015
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, even Hitler's, I guess— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 10, 2015
Google history:— Gwen (@msgwenl) May 11, 2015
When is Mother's Day
How to apologize 4 missing Mother's Day
How 2 get back on speaking terms
Best Skittles flavor
"Happy Mother's Day, Mom. You laid our eggs in the sand and took off. Almost all of us were eaten by birds." - sea turtles— John Moe (@johnmoe) May 10, 2015
Mother's Day gift idea: Not asking her for money that day— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) April 30, 2015
Happy Mother's Day to the best, sweetest, most caring mother in the world and also to my mom!— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) May 12, 2014
Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for only dropping me as a baby those few times.— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) May 11, 2014
Shake things up this Mother's Day and give your mom a Vera Bradley bag full of cocaine.— Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) May 4, 2015
Happy Mother's Day, mom. pic.twitter.com/GIbG151VfE— pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 10, 2015
Happy MOTHer's day to all the moths out there. People think ur < butterflies but I got you, fam.— Bored to Dadth (@markhoppus) May 10, 2015
Get your mother what she really wants this Mother's Day ....spray paint the house? pic.twitter.com/2EoNnJmNMh— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) January 23, 2016
make sure to wish your mom a happy mother's day in a cute and fun way! subtext: caitriona is my gf pic.twitter.com/WzyeUkvJB1— chet porter (@chetprtr) May 11, 2014
In honor of Mother's Day here's my favorite text my mom has ever sent me pic.twitter.com/WSmcUEDpSl— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) May 11, 2014
Bought my mom a mug that says "Happy Mother's Day from the World's Worst Son." I forgot to mail it to her, but I think she knows.— Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) May 11, 2014
text the guy you're dating— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) May 11, 2014
Happy Mother's Day... :/
Related: 'Election Day': Director Garry Marshall's Next Big Day Movie
We've heard there are a lot of great things to do in Jamaica these days, whether it's soaking up some rays on the beach, taking a few hits of the devil's lettuce or pounding down a few bottles of Red Stripe. Really, that all sounds spectacular.
Going to a Jamaican dance hall and getting picked up by some dude who looks like he's on some combination of snout candy and bath salts and being spun through the air like a helicopter? Yeah, not so much:
I need answers to the questions I do not have. pic.twitter.com/zr2rNTa2gc— Rohan Perry (@QuitePerry) May 5, 2016
The good news for this young lady is that we didn't see any teeth go flying as if somebody dropped a container of Tic Tacs. The bad news is that her face is probably going to be an icebreaker until Labor Day.
h/t Barstool Sports
Does it get any better than dancing fails? Well, yes, but still: Woman Damn Near Breaks Her Face Attempting The 'Dirty Dancing' Move
"And here we are in the Netherlands. Notice the difference?"
That's because according to the Daily Mail, 69-year-old Howard Newman borrowed his son's GoPro for a recent trip to the Netherlands and accidentally filmed himself the entire time instead of his surroundings.
Newman thought he was filming things such as train stations, airports and his wife Joan, but when he returned to England and gave the camera back to his son Mark, they realized he was holding it the wrong way the whole time.
Mark then did everybody a solid and edited the footage together to create damn near seven minutes of absolute hilarity:
"I wish I could see what I am filming," Newman can be heard saying toward the end of the video.
Well thankfully, there's an easy fix to that. All he has to do is look in a mirror.
Lady, there's a bear behind you: Woman Filming Selfie Had No Idea Bear Was Chasing Her Until She Watched Video
The saddest video of 2016 might also be the funniest, and whether it's real or fake has no bearing on its comedy factor.
Some poor bastard who used to be dating a girl by the name of Karina decided that the best way to win her back was by interrupting the date she was on with her new boo at Chick-fil-A. His apparent plan was to beat the shit of the guy, leave the "restaurant" with Karina under his arm and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately for him, none of it went to plan:
Dude tryna fight for his girlfriend back! That scream at the end though! 😹😹 pic.twitter.com/faPir69md9— .ecnaifeD (@ecnaifed2015) May 5, 2016
Seriously, a dude crying and screaming face down on the floor of a Chick-fil-A might be the funniest thing you'll ever see. Well, unless you're that dude, of course.
Look how much fun going to school is these days: So A Middle School Student Decided To Fight His Teacher In Class (Warning: Violence And Foul Language)
Finally, a movie based around a comic book that's neither needlessly complicated or three hours long. Although, in this case, I suppose the longer the better. The plot of "Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles" is simple: a horny dude who works at the nuclear power plant masturbates into the sewer and creates four giant, hornier turtles. Makes sense. The only holes (in the plot, that is) are the turtles' names. I mean, would you really pick Michelangeblow or Dongatello for a baby before they grew up and you realized how hypersexual they were? Regardless, at least there was already a porn star named April O'Neil to fill the lead female roll, so all's forgiven. Check out the full trailer below, but beware of the incredibly NSFW language. Besides that, cumabunga, dudes!
Related: A 'Back To The Future' Porn Parody Is Finally Here And It Looks Hysterical