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- 05/10/16--04:13: _Today's Funny Photos
- 05/10/16--05:50: _The Most Dominant S...
- 05/10/16--06:20: _Summer '16 TV Start...
- 05/10/16--07:20: _15 Hot Underboob Ta...
- 05/10/16--07:30: _Teacher Gives The B...
- 05/10/16--07:50: _11 Tips To Improve ...
- 05/10/16--08:16: _Chrissy Teigen Brea...
- 05/10/16--08:37: _Guest On Detroit Mo...
- 05/10/16--09:27: _Another Gamer Girl ...
- 05/10/16--09:50: _NBA Team Name Power...
- 05/10/16--10:09: _Never Pay To Do Lau...
- 05/10/16--11:24: _South Carolina Man ...
- 05/10/16--12:26: _Florida Man Shoots ...
- 05/10/16--13:08: _Weird News: Chinese...
- 05/10/16--13:33: _Woman Arrested For ...
- 05/10/16--15:25: _If You Don't Hate T...
- 05/10/16--21:56: _No One Is Better At...
- 05/11/16--04:21: _Today's Funny Photos
- 05/11/16--05:54: _Texas Family Finds ...
- 05/11/16--06:10: _Proof That Things C...
- 05/10/16--04:13: Today's Funny Photos
- 05/10/16--05:50: The Most Dominant Sports Teams In History
- 05/10/16--06:20: Summer '16 TV Starts Soon And You Mustn't Miss These
- 05/10/16--07:20: 15 Hot Underboob Tattoos
- 05/10/16--07:30: Teacher Gives The Best Homework Assignment Before SATs
- 05/10/16--07:50: 11 Tips To Improve Your Beer Pong Game
- 05/10/16--08:16: Chrissy Teigen Breastfeeds Topless On Snapchat
- 05/10/16--09:50: NBA Team Name Power Rankings
- 05/10/16--10:09: Never Pay To Do Laundry Again With This Genius Trick
- 05/10/16--21:56: No One Is Better At Hide And Seek Than This Group Of Students
- 05/11/16--04:21: Today's Funny Photos
- 05/11/16--05:54: Texas Family Finds Rat In Dr. Pepper Bottle
- 05/11/16--06:10: Proof That Things Can Get Out Of Hand In A Hurry
Today's funny photos are here to make your day better. One click to cure all your ills. But just in case, you can click a couple more times on our Twitter and Instagram feeds, too. If your day isn't better after that, get some booze. That always seems to do the trick.
Click here for more funny photos.
Click here for more funny photos.
Click here for more funny photos.
2007 New England Patriots
The turn of the century kicked off an amazing legacy for Patriots football, with a rejuvenated team capturing Super Bowl rings in 2001, 2003 and 2004. Amazingly enough, though, their best year didn't end with another victory at the Big Game. Leading up to the season, the Pats signed Wes Welker (who would go on to lead the league in receptions) and Randy Moss to shore up their offensive line. With quarterback Tom Brady playing at the top of his game, the energized Patriots mowed through everybody in their path, ending the regular season with an unprecedented 16-0 record. They made it to the Super Bowl once more, but couldn't clinch it against the Giants in a grueling, low-scoring contest. Even with that loss on the record, you can't deny the Patriots a truly miraculous season.
1970 Brazil National Team
Soccer is a popular sport all over the world, and just about every fan has an argument for why their favorites are the best team ever. One squad that dominates the conversation, however, is Brazil's 1970 national team. Under the guidance of coach Mario Zagallo, the Brazilians elevated the sport to an art form, playing with incredible precision and grace throughout their season and to the World Cup. In 1966, the English national team had captured the Cup and Brazil was eager to get it back. The 1970 season saw Brazilian legend Pele coaxed out of retirement to join a squad of young guns, and they played literally flawless football for the entire season, winning all six of their finals games and taking the Cup 4-1.
1991-1998 Chicago Bulls
When you talk about basketball in the 1990s, there's one team that comes to mind: the Bulls. Led by Michael Jordan, Chicago hoops were on a whole new level through the Clinton years. The beginning of the dynasty came in 1987 when Scottie Pippen signed to the team. He and Jordan practiced nonstop to polish their skills and bring the rest of the team up to their level. They took home the championship for three years straight starting in '91, had a little dip when Jordan took his baseball break, and then did three more starting in '96. As the team grew, signees like Dennis Rodman and Toni Kukoc added even more depth to their insanely good bench.
1998 New York Yankees
The Yankees get a lot of hate from the rest of America -- sure, it's easy to have a great team if you spend a ton of money -- but even the most jaded haters can't deny that the 1998 lineup was something truly exceptional. Even though none of the players were truly iconic, they worked together spectacularly. After blowing it in the '97 playoffs against the Cleveland Indians, the Yanks started the year with a mission. In game after game, they played potent, businesslike baseball. Without the egos of "star players" getting in the way, the Yankees bulldozed team after team. Finishing the season with a 114-48 record, the best ever in league history (until the 2001 Mariners' 116 wins), they went on to sweep the Padres in the World Series.
1983 Edmonton Oilers
Every once in a while a team gets a confluence of talent that is destined for greatness. Edmonton's 1983 roster boasted all-time legends Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier along with multiple other top talents, all at the start of their careers. The Oilers had only been a team for four years and nobody in the NHL was ready for what they'd bring to the table. The team would set a league record by scoring 446 goals over the course of the season. They went into the Stanley Cup against the Islanders, who had sent them packing the year before, and took the series 4-1. The season was the start of Gretzky's dynasty and led to many more great years for the Oilers.
1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers
We're going to include college ball on this list because Nebraska's 1995 season is one of the most brutal we've ever seen. The Cornhuskers put together a squad so dominating that they went 12-0 for the season, but that only tells part of the story. They scored an average of 53.2 points per game, and held opponents to a terrifying average of 14.5 points per game. That's a huge gap. Coach Tom Osborne had an incredible roster of talent -- QB Tommie Frazer was joined by a top-flight offensive line and an equally potent defense. Over 30 players on the '95 Cornhuskers would go on to play pro or semi-pro ball, but alas Frazer never got the chance to try his skills in the NFL due to complications from Crohn's Disease.
2001 Seattle Mariners
For decades of their franchise's history, the Mariners were a joke. They didn't have a winning season until 1991, fourteen years after the team was founded. The mid-90s had some high points, but it wasn't until the turn of the century that the Mariners cemented a place in history with a flabbergasting season. Most observers didn't have strong hopes for a team minus Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey Jr. and Randy Johnson. But with the signing of Japanese import Ichiro Suzuki, the M's entered a new era by setting an astounding record of 116 wins during the season, tying the 1906 Cubs. What really put the Mariners over the top was their defense -- the team was preternaturally good at picking balls out of the air and getting them where they needed to be. Eight players from the 2001 M's got named to the All-Star team, which was also played in Seattle.
1972 Miami Dolphins
Football is a game of inches, and it's extremely rare for them all to go one way. But for the Miami Dolphins, 1972 was a miracle year. The team's seventh season still stands as one of the most incredible in NFL history, as they didn't lose a single game before going on to win the Super Bowl. Under the leadership of coach Don Shula, the Dolphins proved they were a well-oiled football machine. QBs Bob Griese and Earl Morrall led an offensive line that also boasted record-setting runners Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris. The defense didn't get as much press, but were startlingly effective in holding opponents back. Some argue that the rest of the NFL was weak that season, but that ignores that the Dolphins were dominant from 1970 to 1974 with primarily the same lineup.
1992 United States Basketball Team
When the Olympic Committee opened up competition to professional players at the start of the 1990s, it paved the way for the creation of one of the most absurdly overpowering basketball teams ever. Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen from the Bulls, John Stockton and Karl Malone from the Jazz, plus Larry Bird, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley -- the bench was a Murderer's Row of talent. They rolled into competition and proceeded to utterly humiliate every single team they played, starting with a 79-point victory over Cuba. The 1992 Barcelona Olympics saw the Dream Team go 8-0 with an average differential of 43.8 points on their way to easily taking home the gold medal.
2015 New Zealand All Blacks
When it comes to the All Blacks, the only word that fits is "dynasty." New Zealand's national Rugby Union team have a win record that's flabbergastingly high -- 76 percent for the team's entire history. They're the only international team to have a winning record against every single country they've played, and only five teams have ever managed to beat them since they formed in 1884. They don't have good seasons -- they have good generations. Astoundingly, the current squad may well be the best in the team's century-plus history. Leading up to the World Cup (which they won with ease), the All Blacks set a record with 38 successive wins at home. The team, coached by Steve Hansen, is moving into the next season set to continue their tradition of domination.
Take a dive into our summer TV guide and let the sunshine quietly pass by without so much as an embarrassing sunburn, you sad sons of bitches.
"The Ride With Norman Reedus," AMC (June 12)
Eh boy, are we really doing this, AMC? This is not how we wanted to lead off, but the man is handsome, we suppose. The AMC quasi-spinoff is exactly what it sounds like, taking Daryl out of "The Walking Dead" and having him escort tourists to random scenic spots while they take selfies. The six, nonfiction hour-long episodes are set to start summer TV off on June 12. Makes you wish he'd been the one they killed at the end of season six.
"Aquarius," NBC (June 16)
Returning for season two with a two-hour premiere (no commercials), the Charles Manson origin story will take flight mid-June, despite low ratings in its debut. Though not overtly well-received, the David Duchovny "X-Files" meets "Californication" buddy cop drama is actually an incredible show delving into the life of one of America's most notorious psychopaths.
"Orange Is the New Black," Netflix (June 17)
Season four of the Netflix original series will begin streaming in no time. We're not sure what's in store for Piper and her lady friends, but after last season's "Don't Make Me Come Back There" and "Trust No Bitch" final episodes, we're guessing things won't be handled in a sensible way. Expect hot cat fights. Meow!
"Ray Donovan," Showtime (June 26)
Everyone's favorite Hollywood gangster is suited up for a fourth round after the South Boston family hit some of their big issues at the end of season three. Confronting his sexually abusive childhood, denouncing his religion and watching his brothers fall to pieces while his father (Jon Voight) remains unscathed, Ray is making more moves than ever as he attempts to keep his family intact while exiling his pops. Expect more blood and darker family drama.
"Roadies," Showtime (June 26)
Cameron Crowe's "Almost Famous" is getting a TV adaptation with Crowe attached, as well as J.J. Abrams (yes, more of that guy). Showtime is on a roll and will continue to rock as their momentum turns down a familiar street. Though the cast of "Almost Famous" now won't be involved, we'll get a lot of that nostalgic rock tour met by roadie drama that we fell in love with more than 15 years ago. Join the crew on the road as they show you just what makes a good rock show go. And hopefully some poor guy gets deflowered again by a group of strange women. Luke Wilson, Carla Gugino and Imogen Poots will star.
"Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll," FX (June 30)
Speaking of nostalgic rock, Denis Leary is back for another go-around with his new FX musical comedy, which has too annoying a title for us to write again. Set 25 years after his band's big break, the down-and-out rocker with a hot daughter will continue with his washed-up lifestyle in the modern world at the end of June.
"Mr. Robot," USA (July 13)
One of the strongest new shows on the summer circuit, "Mr. Robot" will return after an intense and well-regarded debut season. The show's original writer has continued penning the series himself, staying true to Elliot's storyline and delving into his past and the consequences of his hacker actions (hacktions?) while holding out on some of Darlene's mystery. Season two is expected to be just as riveting as the first, come mid-July.
"Stranger Things," Netflix (July 15)
Another new Netflix original for 2016, "Stranger Things" was created and directed by brothers, Matt and Ross Duffer, and focuses on the disappearance of a small boy in a small Indiana town. The show is set in the '80s and will serve up that uniquely exceptional cinematography we've come to enjoy from Netflix, starring Winona Ryder in eight episodes beginning July 15.
"Ballers," HBO (July 17)
Season two for the "Rock-ing" HBO show is set to go, despite the loss of its debut counterpart "The Brink," starring Jack Black. The Rock -- excuse us, Dwayne Johnson -- and Rob Corddry series welcomes Andy Garcia as a major player for the sophomore season. This summer, it's all about getting paid and getting respect, which is way better than last summer's "get laid and lose all self-respect."
"The Get Down," Netflix (August 12)
Baz Luhrmann is taking it to the small screen, as well, this summer with his colorful interpretation of stylish -- disco balls and wife beaters -- musical drama. With Shawn Ryan of "The Shield" on board creating, the two will deliver a new Netflix original that visits the ragtag crews of the South Bronx in the '70s, as it transforms from a sizzling broken city into a musical monument. History never looked so good on camera. Check out Breaking Bad B-characters breaking out. Then get ready to get down!
There are tons of bad boob tattoos out there, but there are also tattoos that everyone with a set of eyes can appreciate. I'm talking about underboob tattoos. That's right, your favorite type of tattoo to look at according to me. So sit back and admire great tattoo decisions made by these gals.
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You can follow these gals, too: The 20 Sexiest Girls With Tattoos On Instagram
There are a lot of teachers that don't give a damn anymore, and it's tough to blame them when you realize that they make a shitty salary while dealing with your shitty kids. But then there are teachers that still enjoy what they do, and they go out of their way to make their students as happy and as stress-free as possible.
For example, take a look at this homework assignment that was handed out by a teacher name Mrs. Thom. The post was shared on the Eyfs Matters Facebook:
More teachers should be like this, and less like my middle school humanities teacher who enjoyed assigning 10-page reports right before holiday break, all while laughing maniacally.
These teachers are good in their own right: The 20 Most Hilarious Teachers Of All Time
With summer approaching, it's time to consider your beer pong game. The off-season is over, and now it's time to brush up on these under-appreciated skills. Nobody wants to be the least talented player at the table, and if you use the tips and tricks outlined below, you won't be. (Well, you "shouldn't" be.)
1. Discover Your Playing Style
There are two types of people who play beer pong: those who get better with alcohol, and those who get much, much worse. There is no in-between, trust me. First, you should find out which of these players you are before you consider taking the sport seriously. On discovering your own talents (or lack thereof), you should then strategically choose a partner who complements your playing style. I expand on this below.
2. Choose Your Partner Wisely
After recognizing the qualities your own game is lacking, watch others play their matches to find your complementary match. For instance, I'm fucking terrible at hitting the final cup, but proficient at hitting cups in groups -- when this is the case, I rarely miss. Knowing this, I tend to choose partners who take the fewest attempts at hitting the last cup, as well as a person who improves as they drink, because I most certainly do not.
3. Understand The Three Types Of Shots You Can Take
In your standard beer pong game, there are three shots one can take. 1) The arc: When you lob the ball into the cup, shooting high. 2) The fastball: An impressive shot that sees the ball going in a straight, direct line into the cup. And finally, 3)The bounce shot: Where the ball is bounced on the table and, from this bounce, lands in a cup. The result of a bounce shot sees two cups removed from your opponent instead of one.
Of these shots, see which work best for you. No one shot is universal, so test out all three to see which works best with your playing style.
4. Look At The Back Of The Cup You're Aiming For
Instead of looking at the group of cups as a whole, take a look at the back of the red solo cup you want to hit. This is a common tip used in basketball that tends to work. When you start seeing double, however, this strategy becomes far less effective.
5. Clean Your Balls With Water
Since you're not a mutant and therefore don't want to drink everything the ball comes in contact with, dunk the damn ball in some water. It won't desensitize the thing, but it will at least get rid of the pet hair fastened to the ball because your buddy was too lazy to vacuum before the tournament.
Some say by dunking the ball, you reap the benefit of added weight, as a thin film of water coats the ball and gives it some welcome heft that aids in your ball getting in the cup, especially if you're an arc shooter.
6. Be First To Bounce
When a bounce shot lands in the cup, two cups are removed from your opponent, as opposed to one, making it a bold and effective shot. There are a few reasons you want to bounce the ball early. First, because bouncing the ball is more difficult to aim, meaning you'll have a better chance at sinking a ball while more cups are on the table.
Second is that by casting the first bounce shot, you may catch opponents off guard, and they won't be able to block your bounce shot (which opponents are able to do as soon as the ball hits the table). After you do this a few times, your opponents will catch on to the fact that you favor the bounce shot and will be more proficient at blocking.
7. Work Your Angles
The only rule about your positioning is that your elbow can't cross the edge of the table as you shoot. Since that's the case, I don't get why everybody stands directly behind the table. Work those angles and see which work best for you! Head a little left and a little right and see where your shot percentage improves. This can be especially helpful when cups are in a straight line.
8. Practice Your Topspin
This comes with practice, but is a quality found in the best beer pong players. Those who are good at the sport insist that the topspin curves into the cup and is less likely to bounce out. Do I believe this? I mean, sure. I've seen it happen, though I don't personally use the method myself.
To effectively pull of a topspin, hold the ball with your index finger, middle finger and thumb. When attempting this shot, your thumb should be facing you, but as you release the ball, you spin the ball so that when the ball is released, your thumb is now facing your opponents. Got it? (If not, I totally understand, it's hard to describe using words. A video would be more effective.)
9. Ruin Your Opponent
You heard me, intimidate the crap out of them. When they're about to throw, say something that will throw them off. Shout obscenities. Hell, flash a testicle if you have to. Whatever you do though, don't come in contact with the ball (unless it's a bounce shot) because if you do, your opponent either get another shot, or is able to take a cup away from your side.
The rules concerning this vary from group to group, but the one universal understanding is that it's never a good idea to do.
10. Rearrange When Your Opponent Is Down To Three Cups
When you've eliminated half of your opponents' cups, ask that they rearrange them into a triangle. Each team is able to ask their opponents to rearrange their cups once per game, and the halfway point is the best way to dunk additional balls as it resembles the original pyramid shape.
11. Practice With Water
If you're a total sh*t show and can't shoot for nothing, practice at home with cups of water. You probably shouldn't use beer, though, because drinking alone is something society frowns upon. You know what? Screw that, use beer if you want to. You've earned it.
Hey, if you're one of those people who still get irritated at public breastfeeding because you think boobs are Satan, you're probably not going to like what new mom Chrissy Teigen did.
Chrissy recently gave birth to her daughter Luna Simone, and being the busy lady she is, Chrissy found herself needing to breastfeed her daughter in public. And hey, she even put it on Snapchat for all to see. Check out the photo below:
Chrissy captioned the photo, "Christine wears many hats," which we assume is the lady behind her who is helping her with her breastfeeding adventures.
It's all about teamwork.
And hey, she does it, too: Here's Eric Decker's Wife Breastfeeding On Instagram
If you're somehow awake during morning news shows, and for some unknown reason you watch them, then you probably know the best thing about them is watching people get super uncomfortable on live TV when someone references sex.
During a shitty segment on Detroit morning news show "The Nine" on Fox 2, host Deena Centofanti welcomed Kelly Schaefer Janssen of 7 Greens restaurant to talk about salad. And boy did Kelly take it to another level. Take at look at the comment she dropped on Centofanti's co-host, Jason Carr.
Kelly knew exactly what she was doing. She planned that for hours before her appearance. I mean, look at her face right after she dropped that butt-eating joke.
This guy gets it: Newsman Reveals Legit Reason Why Amazon Is Making More Money Than Walmart
Man, nerds sure are getting lucky these days.
A little while ago, a very popular gamer girl and live streamer named Lea May was banned from Twitch when she accidentally (we think) flashed her vagina during a live broadcast. Well, not to be outdone, it seems like another gamer girl "forgot" people were watching her.
Only known as Kaitwan13, the young woman was invited by the host of the show "Genietfan" to play a game called "H1Z1." Almost right off the bat, the woman exposed her boobs, and quickly shut her cam off when the host yelled, "Kay, what the fuck?!" Dude, those are boobs. Relax.
"Genietfan," whose real name is Vincent Naeri, may now be banned from Twitch for 30 days because of Kay and her great breasts. But hey, at least Kay feels bad. Check out when she said on her Twitter:
I have apologised to @genietFAN I can't do much more, I hope we can get past this & still be friends.— kaitwan13 (@kaitwan13_) April 28, 2016
Apparently he has accepted her apology, but he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Yeah, right. Sure thing, buddy.
While many people have come to Kay's defense, unfortunately, Kay has either deleted her social media accounts or hasn't been very active on them. Check out the censored version (sorry) of the flashing below. (some language).
And if you want the uncensored version (full of bare boobs and all) hit the link here. But again, it's NSFW.
Live television, folks: Woman Interrupts Live News Report By Flashing Her Magnificent Breasts
30. Utah Jazz
Who exactly is intimidated by an old gentleman beautifully playing a horn? Are you going to soothe your opponent to death? No team has a less cool name than the Jazz.
29. Brooklyn Nets
The only way you're scared of a net is if you're a butterfly or a fish that has already been hooked. Of all the basketball terms that you could use to represent your team, why on earth would you choose the net? "Oooh we're the nets! You could maybe get your finger tangled up in us, ooooh!"
28. New York Knickerbockers
We've all just accepted the Knicks as a staple of New York, but do you know what knickerbockers actually are? It's when you roll up your pants up to the bottom of your knees. That's it. They could just as easily be called the New York Tight Rolled Slacks.
27. Los Angeles Lakers
If there's one thing Los Angeles is known for it's definitely the lakes....
By the way, what is a laker anyway? One who builds lakes? Is it just a big fan of lakes? You know the ocean is right there, don't you? At least be the Los Angeles Oceaners. Just stop sticking to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
26. New Orleans Pelicans
Lots of professional sports teams have chosen birds of prey as their team name, but few have chosen birds as dumb and un-intimidating as a pelican. I guess it's effective if their opponents were only small fish or a gallon of water. What were the names they passed on before landing on Pelicans?
25. Philadelphia 76ers
Signing the Declaration of Independence was a great moment in U.S. history, but does it really make sense for the name of an NBA team? Plus, they usually abbreviate it to the "Sixers" so it makes even less sense. "Oh you guys are the Hawks? Well we're a date on the calendar when a bunch of guys signed a piece of paper!"
24. Denver Nuggets
The gold rush is a big part of Denver's history, but calling your team the Nuggets is such a setup for a joke. I have no idea how that yellow cat became their mascot from the word "Nugget" but it's not like there were a lot of other options. You never want your team to share a name with chunks of fried chicken.
23. Oklahoma City Thunder
Lightning is very dangerous. It can start fires, destroy building or just straight up kill you. Thunder causes your dog to bark and makes your toddler want to sleep in your bed. I might forgive them if they figured out some way to incorporate Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" into their pregame announcements.
22. Orlando Magic
Are we talking about just the idea of magic? If you named a specific aspect of magic it might be a little better, but this just feels like you're going to have to play a card game against some husky guys in a basement. To be fair, they were almost called the Challengers, which would have been an absolute mess every time they blew a big game.
21. Detroit Pistons
I get that Detroit is the Motor City, but why just pick a random part of a car and name your team after it? I'm guessing the other options included the Brake Pads, Seat Belts, and Keyless Ignitions. The Ignitions would've been cool because you could play R. Kelly before every game. That would boost ticket sales like Rip Hamilton was still there.
20. San Antonio Spurs
There's no denying that the Spurs have been one of the best teams in the NBA for years, but their team name certainly doesn't strike fear into opponents. They decided to go with tiny little sharp circles you wear on the back of your cowboy boots. Wow, that'll certainly make it hurt a little more when you step on someone's heel. It's worse than when your mom would accidentally hit the back of your ankle with the grocery cart when you were a kid.
19. Boston Celtics
They're basically the Boston Irish People. Sure. Whatever.
18. Portland Trail Blazers
These guys aren't taking the paved road. No sir. They're blazing new trails. They're out there in the woods with machetes and dysentery clearing the way for others. It's certainly not a bad name, but it doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of their opponents.
17. Dallas Mavericks
The word maverick usually refers to an animal that doesn't have a brand or belong to anyone. They're like a free bird, and this bird you cannot change. There's nothing I'd like to see more than Dirk Nowitzki trying to ride a wild horse. That would be an amazing logo.
16. Indiana Pacers
Now we're getting into the really good ones. The pace car in racing sets the pace for everyone else. Why can't more teams come up with a name like the Pacers that is relative to their city AND says something cool about the team? I'm just glad they didn't use some sort of sparrow or hummingbird.
15. Miami Heat
While the other team in their state went with a sorcery term, Miami decided to go with something that could actually kill you and that, of course, is heat. You can use it so many different ways, and if you've ever been to Miami and noticed that you were dripping in sweat within minutes of stepping outside, you'd agree that heat is a very appropriate name.
14. Charlotte Hornets
The team initially went with Hornets, then changed to Bobcats, which sounds absolutely adorable and would be my first choice in a Beanie Babies design. Thankfully they wised up and switched it back to Hornets. It may not be the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of terrifying creatures, but if you've ever stepped on a hornet, or seen the movie "My Girl," you know how vicious they can be.
13. Atlanta Hawks
I know I've made fun of teams using birds as their mascot, but one of the only birds that is above criticism is the hawk. Seriously, did the Pelicans not know about the Hawks when they were picking their name? Why would you pick such a severely lesser bird? Good job, Atlanta.
12. Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks were a tough one to place because people kill deer on a pretty consistent basis, which makes them less cool, but they can also stab someone with their big antlers. It does look really majestic, even though they're a shot away from being Bambi's dad.
11. Los Angeles Clippers
A clipper is a type of ship from the 19th century, which is a great direction to take your team. Everyone else wants to go with animals or weather-related occurrences, but no one else has landed on a boat. Donald Sterling kept the name when he moved the team from San Diego to Los Angeles, which made people upset, but now that we know what a racist he is, it's a good thing he didn't get to choose.
10. Phoenix Suns
One sun would be difficult enough to deal with, but now you're up against MULTIPLE suns! That's going to throw off the entire gravitational pull and temperature of the earth. There's no more night because you're just surrounded by suns! You've destroyed us all!
9. Cleveland Cavaliers
A man named Jerry Tomko picked the name and said, "Cavaliers represent a group of daring fearless men, whose life pact was never surrender, no matter what the odds." If that doesn't get you pumped up for a team sport then nothing will. I guess LeBron made a slight edit to it in 2010 when he decided to...well, never mind.
8. Chicago Bulls
As far as animals go, a bull probably ranks near the top of your list of animals you'd never want to see charging toward you. It's simple and effective, and the red and black with it make it darn near perfect. Good job, Chicago. You did it!
7. Minnesota Timberwolves
For all I know, a bobcat could beat the crap out of a timberwolf in a fight. But that means absolutely nothing because just saying the word "Timberwolves" makes you feel intimidating. Sure the team hasn't exactly blazed through the league the last few years, but at least they've still got a great team name. It's certainly not better than a win, but it's, uh, definitely something.
6. Memphis Grizzlies
And the second-coolest animal team name of all has to go to these guys. Just calling them the bears is one thing, but Grizzlies sounds so much more ferocious. "I saw a bear last night? Yeah, it was a freaking GRIZZLY BEAR!" That sounds like a bear that can light a match on his chin or break a bottle over his head without flinching. There's only one cooler animal on the list and you'll understand why this one is a distant second.
5. Houston Rockets
If you think about it, Rockets is the perfect name for a basketball team because if you grabbed the ball and flew into the sky in a rocket, there's not much anyone could do about it. Is a wolf going to stop a rocket? Is a bull? Maybe a hawk could get sucked into the thrusters, but that's about it. This is as close as you can get to naming your team Space Jam.
4. Golden State Warriors
Again, don't overthink it. Just give your team a cool name. The warriors is an incredible name because it sounds like a bunch of guys that are coming out to fight you to the death. Warriors kill kings and anything else that gets in their way. You can't ask for much more than a great team with a great name.
3. Sacramento Kings
Sometimes the simplest answer is the best one. While other teams were walking through the zoo trying to figure out the best name, these guys just said, "Yeah, we're the kings." And if you've watched "Game of Thrones" you know that very few things can defeat a king except for beheadings and poisoned treats.
2. Washington Wizards
Take every team name before this one and answer me this question: Could they be destroyed by an evil wizard? The answer is yes. It's always yes. I know Orlando picked magic, but they just went with the concept of magic. This is the guy that's actually doing the magic. Without someone in charge of the magic, you're just dumping fairy dust all over the place. We've seen Harry Potter. The only thing that can beat a wizard is another wizard. Or a giant, evil snake, but no team has picked up that name yet. You'd think that would be the top spot, but that honor actually belongs to...
1. Toronto Raptors
THEY WENT WITH DINOSAURS! What do dinosaurs have to do with Toronto? Absolutely nothing whatsoever! Other teams are over there talking about the Declaration of Independence or their love of lakes, and Toronto was like, "Hmm, nah. We're going with the dinosaur." No wonder Drake is so excited about his home team. It's easy to root for the best part of Jurassic Park.
Also, if you have no qualms about being a dick, that will help significantly. Jordan Baker, the man posting the cautionary tale of selling your washer and dryer, may in fact be "feeling annoyed," but we're guessing that's simply because he didn't think of the scam first. It's a pretty brilliant way to get your clothes washed for free, all things considered, especially if you don't mind making an enemy or two along the way.
I wonder if the same basic idea behind this genius scheme would work on apartments for rent. Guess we'll leave it to Christopher Hemara to figure out.
On second thought, maybe stick to "antics" everyone will find funny: This Classroom Prank Equals Guaranteed Laughs Every Time
Well, not being able to spell is a good reason for someone to dump you.
A 36-year-old man named Tommy Trammell was recently arrested after police caught him spray-painting his ex-girlfriend's car. But this act of revenge didn't go as planned because Trammell didn't know how to spell the word "cheater," instead writing "cheeter." Well, he did sound it out. Take a look at his masterpiece below:
Trammell was arrested and charged for vandalism of property and possession of marijuana. And here is something random: Trammell had a fake $100 bill on him that read: "For Motion Picture Use Only" that was confiscated. Man, this guy is just full of hijinks.
Trammell told police that he was trying to get back at his ex-girlfriend because he was pissed at her.
Dude, just spread awful lies about her like the usual crazed ex does.
Via NY Daily News
Anyone attend English class anymore? Racist Idiots Misspelling Their Racist Signs
On second thought, the fact that it's just two days instead of two weeks might be the most shocking part of the story. After all, this is "Florida Man" we're talking about here.
According to The Daytona Beach News-Journal, a 37-year-old Deltona man accidentally shot himself while he was cleaning his .22 caliber pistol Thursday night, but he didn't realize that he had done so until he decided to change his long-sleeved black shirt...wait for it...two days later.
Michael Blevins said he was holding his gun close to his chest while he was cleaning it in his living room because he didn't want his dog to jump and get near it. But as he stood up, Blevins said he felt a sharp pain in his back from an unrelated injury and wound up falling face-first to the ground.
During the fall, Blevins said his head hit the corner of a glass table, and the gun accidentally fired. He believes the reason why he didn't feel the bullet enter or exit his arm is because he was so doped up on the medication he's taking for his back injury, which hopefully also explains why he didn't feel the need to shower for two days.
Once he realized he shot himself, Blevins checked into a local hospital for treatment. Police determined he was telling the truth and closed the case.
And that has to be the most boring ending to a "Florida Man" story of all time.
Look how much fun they're having in Florida these days: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors
Here's a good reason to tell your wife she's pretty on a daily basis.
According to Mirror, some poor bastard known only as Zhang is lucky to be alive after his penis and balls began to rot away from the poison his wife soaked his underwear in.
Zhang spent three weeks in the hospital thanks to his rotting naughty parts as well as breathing difficulties. He suspected his wife was the culprit since the two had been arguing for some time, and it turned out his suspicions were warranted, as tests on his underwear showed they had been soaked in a toxic herbicide known as paraquat.
Authorities said Zhang's wife "laced his underpants" with the powerful chemical and then dried them in the sun before giving them to him to wear on their daughter's wedding day. Shortly thereafter, the paraquat began to seep into Zhang's skin and eat away at his nards.
Zhang was rushed to a local hospital's intensive care unit while his wife was arrested after the results from the tests on his drawers came back.
Well then. What a bitch.
In Romania, when your wife asks to help her with yard work, she means it: Romanian Woman Stabs Her Husband In Testicles For Refusing To Help With Gardening
When a woman gropes another woman in Las Vegas, they call it Tuesday. When it happens on the flight back home from Sin City, they call it third-degree sexual abuse.
According to The Smoking Gun, 26-year-old Heidi McKinney found that out the hard way Sunday night when she reportedly "touched the breasts and genitals of a woman" without consent on their Alaska Airlines flight from Vegas to Portland.
Airline staff alerted police when the plane landed in Portland, and after speaking with the "victim," they decided to book McKinney into the Multnomah County jail for sex abuse. But prosecutors in Oregon have said they won't "pursue a criminal case" against her because the incident took place while the plane was in the air, and that's something federal prosecutors usually handle.
In the meantime, I'll just hope she sits next to me on her next flight.
Even wanted molestations can get you in trouble: Two Female Louisiana English Teachers Arrested For Having Threesome With Student
You can tell a lot about someone by the way they park their car.
Where's justice when you really need it?: These Awful Parking Jobs Were Given The Instant Vigilante Justice Treatment
It's not always easy to avoid being arrested, especially when you've been caught in the act of committing a crime. But I suppose that depends on what level of hide-and-seeker you are. The students in the following disorderly report are clearly ninjas.
There's also the possibility that they were ghosts, but since that would give me nightmares, ninjas it is.
I hope you're taking notes: These Kids Are Terrible At Playing Hide and Seek
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As if drinking Dr. Pepper wasn't gross enough, a rat was found inside one of its bottles by a family in Texas.
A three-year-old named Kayden was handed a 20-ounce bottle of Dr. Pepper for some reason, and when he couldn't drink anymore of the terrible soda he handed it back to his grandparents. A bit later when they went to reopen the bottle, they noticed a rat floating in there.
Check out the hideous thing below:
Obviously the kid was taken to a pediatrician where blood and urine samples were taken. NBC 9 reports that the pediatrician's office contacted the CDC and the state of Texas. Dr Pepper knows about the gross incident, and they said that they would like to obtain the bottle for running tests.
But here's the interesting part: the family refused to give up the bottle for testing because they want to run tests of their own. Which gives off a strong indication that maybe they are completely full of it and looking for some cash. But hey, maybe little Kayden did almost swallow a rat.
Although, Dr. Pepper also states that their "controls and safeguards " make it "virtually impossible for any foreign object to get into a container at any stage of the bottling process."
So even they think the family is full of it.
The lesson here is that Dr. Pepper is still a shitty soft drink.
Thanks for nothing Subway: Huge Dead Mouse Found In Subway Sandwich
I'm liking this new HGTV show.
Appropriate response to getting a ticket.
So she's responsible for the fire, right?
A childhood photo of me.
Just a scratch.
Rest in peace.
Ugh, there goes Sobe shitting the bed again.
On the bright side, this will make him run faster.
Creativity is still alive (but Vinny isn't).
Kindness still exists.
Is this before or after everyone dies in the movie?
Pretty much what everyone wants to say in the morning.
Not exactly a good way to flirt.
What dinner at my place looks like.
On the way to a Trump rally.
Sometimes the water park comes to you.
Maybe I should look into a gluten-free diet. You know. Just in case.
He's either really excited or really in pain.
There goes the neighborhood.
First days are rough.
And then there's this gem:
Yep, pretty common stuff.
Via The Chive
But sometimes you screw your own life over: Ranking The 10 Worst Ways To Fuck Your Life Up