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- 05/26/16--19:04: _Victoria Elise Is E...
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- 05/27/16--05:20: _The Worst Celebrity...
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- 05/27/16--07:46: _President Obama Is ...
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- 05/27/16--09:50: _The Luckiest Actors...
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- 05/27/16--14:55: _People Are Photosho...
- 05/27/16--16:29: _Weird News: You Hav...
- 05/26/16--19:04: Victoria Elise Is Everything You Could Want In A Sexy Babe
- 05/27/16--03:52: 12 Directors Whose Soundtracks Are Always On Point
- 05/27/16--04:18: Today's Funny Photos
- 05/27/16--05:20: The Worst Celebrity Tattoos Vol. 3
- 05/27/16--05:31: 8 Reasons It Sucks Not To Be A Big Drinker
- 05/27/16--05:50: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
- 05/27/16--06:30: Are You As Excited About Memorial Day Weekend As This Baby Is?
- 05/27/16--07:02: The Most Effed Up Ways People Have Dumped Someone
- 05/27/16--07:20: Meet The Woman Who Has Fought ISIS, Says 'They're Easy To Kill'
- 05/27/16--07:50: Honest Names For All The Apps On Your iPhone
- 05/27/16--09:50: The Luckiest Actors In Hollywood Today
- 05/27/16--10:51: Naked Utah Man Arrested With Bells Hanging From His Balls
- 05/27/16--11:14: Porn Stars Reveal The Secret To The Perfect Handjob
Victoria Elise (@victoriaelisexoxo) is a student, a master and a fun enforcer. She studies at UNLV, but is also an expert on Pokémon (not to mention a busty babe). And as far as good times go, well, it's obvious she's got that covered, as well. Check out these eye-popping Instagram photos of Victoria, then hop over and see more in a sexy Instagram video which we promise you will not regret. Don't forget to add, follow and study intensely.
The Coen Brothers
I won't begin to say their movies are always on point -- "Inside Llewyn Davis" was so slow it felt like I took an entire car ride to Chicago with an oppressively dour dude whose name I still can't spell -- but you have to admit, "Fare Thee Well" is a beautiful, perfectly American tune. And perfect American tunes have been a staple of the Coens throughout. "O Brother Where Art Thou" helped kick off a new folk revival (which I thought Llewyn might finally end). But their most spot-on musical film, "The Big Lebowski," bridges the folk gap with rock 'n' roll from Bob Dylan's "The Man In Me" playing over the opening and first dream sequence to the scene above, featuring The Dude tripping out to Kenny Rogers & The First Edition's "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)" while getting clean bowling shoes from Saddam Hussein and ogling a Viking-clad Julianne Moore.
If it's classic rock you want (hopefully, because that's kind of a theme here), then you won't be disappointed by any of Anderson's offerings, not even "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou," which may be tinged with Seu Jorge's Portuguese folk music, but at least it's all written by David Bowie. If you like your classic rock a bit more classical though, stick to "The Royal Tenenbaums," "The Darjeeling Limited" and "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," which all provide quality deep cuts from your favorite British Invasion stalwarts. But my favorite usage has to be from the end of my favorite Anderson film, "Rushmore." When Max Fisher head nods at the DJ to play the Faces' "Ooh La La," then gets Ms. Cross to look at him the way we all want to be looked at by our hottest teacher, that's cinematic magic right there. Heck, even "Hot for Teacher" couldn't be as fitting.
John Hughes understood us dweeby preteens. He was a little older, a lot wiser and understood that a good song could define a film. And a film could define an era. Tell me "Vacation" doesn't come joyously to mind the second Lindsey Buckingham's "Holiday Road" plays. Or Kelly LeBrock when you hear Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science." Or "The Breakfast Club" every goddamn time you hear Simple Minds' "Don't You (Forget About Me)." I think Hughes' best musical usage, though, has to be "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." It introduced us to Yello's now ubiquitous "Oh Yeah," which captured the will-he-get-caught spirit of the defiant film. But the defining moment has to be Ferris lip-syncing "Danke Schoen" and "Twist and Shout" in front of a packed Chicago parade, while avoiding a child-molesting principal and turning on a float full of randy German fraus.
Sure, Rosario Dawson rallies for vaginal bareness to Moby's "The Day" in the very trippy "Trance." Yes, "Trainspotting" made me choose life and gave me far more listening pleasure after my first viewing pleasure, even introducing me to such huge, must hear monthly songs as "Perfect Day," "Lust For Life," and "Born Slippy." But that movie made heroin so much less fun. And as far as definitive goes, we have to remember that for a second there, after "Slumdog Millionaire," Danny Boyle made mainstream America like Indian music.
"Dazed and Confused" is widely regarded as having one of the best utilized soundtracks of all time, right from the sultry beginning baseline of "Sweet Emotion" rolling in time with Prickford's 1974 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am SD-455. And "School of Rock" actually taught us all how to rock more thoroughly, mostly thanks to the soundtrack. But as much as I have a hard time not picking a moment from those films, I have to pick "Boyhood" for Linklater's best overall musical usage. While "Dazed," "Everybody Wants Some" and "Boyhood" all served to transport us to a very specific time and place, "Boyhood" did that for the entire span of a boy's adolescence. The music successfully helped pass the time, and situate the audience within the boy's next phase of growing up. Which is impressive, but now that it comes time to definitively pick an iconic scene, nothing in "Boyhood" comes close to Wooderson's Emporium entrance to Bob Dylan's "Hurricane." I still try and emulate that walk whenever I enter a bar. At least one with a foosball table.
When you honestly can't decide which soundtrack is a director's best, then you know you have a master of musical movie moments. Tarantino's often obscure songs stick, too, because you can't help but associate the action with the music on so many occasions: Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace dancing The Twist to Chuck Berry's "You Never Can Tell"; Rick Ross' "100 Black Coffins" ushering Django into Candyland; and hell, I don't know if he wrote it into Tony Scott's shooting script or not, but let's also give a hat tip to "True Romance" when Clarence and Alabama do some big-bopping to the Big Bopper in a phone booth. But the first time we realized we had a master on our hands had to be when Mr. Blonde plays Van Gogh with a cop's face while busting smooth moves to Stealers Wheel's never-the-same party tune "Stuck in the Middle with You."
I guess we should have expected as much from a former Rolling Stone writer and current husband of Heart's hot Wilson sister, but Crowe had a decade-long run of some of the best musical choices in filmdom. From the iconic "In Your Eyes" scene in "Say Anything" to the grunge-defining "Singles" soundtrack to Springsteen's heart-tugging "Secret Garden" planting the seeds of love in "Jerry Maguire," it all culminated in "Almost Famous." Music is, of course, essential to the plot, and is consistently stellar throughout (even Stillwater's originals are pretty good). But Crowe's most iconic usage has to be the scene above, which poetically captures the healing power of music after Russell's acid-tripping and golden godding nearly destroys the band. I'm pretty sure it was the first time I ever heard Elton John's "Tiny Dancer," too, as was likely the case for many of us. Of course, now it's one of the most popularly butchered Elton songs around, which just goes to show you the purchasing power unleashed by a perfect usage of music in film.
I don't know about you, but my introduction to Spike was his joint "School Daze," although my only real memory of the film is doing "Da Butt," which I learned to do all night long. Then "Do the Right Thing" came out, and love and hate kicked me in the ass till there was no more dancing. Well, I guess people do dance to Public Enemy's "Fight the Power," but it's much better to riot to. Then Spike ran the spectrum from Gang Starr to Coltrane in "Mo' Better Blues" and blew my musical mind. But my personal favorite -- another PE collaboration -- was "He Got Game." And the titular song is only the second best on the killer soundtrack. The first, "What You Need Is Jesus," is so powerful I can actually dunk when I hear it. And only when I hear it. Thank you, Jesus!
David O. Russell
O. Russell's place on this list has been slowly cementing over the years, but his moment of inclusion wasn't a sports-bra-busting Jennifer Lawrence teaching Pat Solitano how to waltz to Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash's "Girl From North Country." It solidified when big-bellied Christian Bale turns off Chicago's "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?" in favor of Duke Ellington's "Jeeps Blues," all in an effort to impress the knockout who wore a string bikini and a fur to the pool party. Impress her it does, too, so much that she has a flashback to her blues-filled days working on the pole. We have that very same Ellington-loving knockout to thank for the fantastic plunging dress trend that's still with us today.
No, I didn't feel compelled to put a woman on this list out of fairness, political correctness or Bernie f--king Sanders. Amy Heckerling earned her way on this list (unlike Spike ;) if for no other reason than because she was the uncredited director behind the most head-bobbing film ever: "A Night at the Roxbury." Okay you need more? "Clueless" features the Beasties' "Mullet Head." More? You're a tyrant. Fine, I'll give you four: the second and third set of breasts I ever saw were both moments so highlighted by song, I wouldn't be able to recall said orbs without them. Jennifer Jason Leigh -- lying about her age and sneaking off to the point with young stereo executive and nice-jacket-wearing Ron Johnson -- is the hot embodiment of Jackson Browne's "Somebody's Baby." And then Phoebe Cates gets wet n' topless to The Cars' "Moving in Stereo." And just like that, your whole life has changed because of one perfectly soundtracked and boob-laden movie.
As we've seen from the Coens and Tarantino on occasion, seemingly anachronistic song placement can be used to jarring and memorable effect. Baz Luhrmann may be the master of such a technique, from "Romeo + Juliet" to "Moulin Rouge!" and then on to his masterpiece, "The Great Gatsby," which explodes off the screen in a caravansary of popping champagne, tuxedoed gangsters and glittery showgirls doing the Charleston to banging hip hop and techno beats. The technique serves to make everything once learned true again, namely that a little party never killed anybody. Well, except Jay Gatsby.
If I didn't include Scorsese, I'd lose my List Making Card. And then I'd really be a failure. But at least I've never felt paranoia the likes of Henry Hill during his busy day dropping off guns and picking up cocaine to the thumping bass line of Harry Nilsson's "Jump Into The Fire." And that's just one "Goodfellas" iconic moment -- I can think of three more: heads in the freezer set to the piano outro of "Layla"; "Sunshine of Your Love" inspiring Jimmy to hatch a plan to whack his colleagues; and the one above, the original long tracking shot dancing into the Copacabana's back entrance accompanied by The Crystals' "And Then He Kissed Me." You can play that game with many of his soundtracks. Honestly, Scorsese has enough iconic musical movie moments just set to Rolling Stones songs to merit another list completely.
Not only is it a Friday, it's a Friday heading into a long weekend. I'd be shocked if you are even reading this right now. You're probably already doing a keg stand while simultaneously grilling thirteen hot dogs and bacon cheeseburgers. But just in case you're still stuck in front of a computer for a couple more hours, here are some funny photos to launch you into the holiday weekend. See you on Tuesday with a horrible headache.
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1. Tom Arnold's Portrait of Roseanne Barr
The idea of this tattoo at it's inception was going to be ugly even if it was done right. But as you can see, it wasn't. To put a cherry on top of this unappealing sundae, the two split in a notoriously bad divorce and they now hate each other. Nice!
2. Soulja Boy's Designer Logos – On His Face
I can understand the idea of being loyal to a brand. I can also appreciate getting a brand you're passionate about tattooed on you in some discreet way to pay homage -- a Whopper for your favorite fast food spot, for instance. But on your face -- your forehead, no less -- well that's a little too much, especially for a one-hit wonder who can probably no longer afford said luxury brands.
3. The Game's "LA" Facial Tat
If found, please return The Game to LA.
4. Pam Anderson's Barbed Wire Armband
Pamela Anderson is a sex symbol -- with or without a stupid tattoo. Pam merely made a dumb mistake and got a trendy tattoo during the height of her fame in the '90s, and then made a second dumb mistake when she decided not to get it removed. I'd say the sex tape with Tommy Lee was a mistake too, but I won't because I loved that sh*t.
5. Stephen Baldwin's Hannah Montana Initials
Stephen, one of Alec's many less famous siblings, got an "HM" tattooed on him to represent Hannah Montana. Why would a man get the tattoo of an underage fictional character that's less than half his age? I'm not sure. Apparently, he got the tattoo after making a pact with Miley Cyrus that if he did so, he'd get a cameo on her Disney show. No, I'm not kidding. This is D-list Hollywood at its best, people.
6. Angelina Jolie's "Billy Bob" Tattoo
Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob were quite the odd duo. These two used to wear vials of each other's blood around their necks, for crying out loud. As you can see, Jolie also decided to get a tattoo of her man just above another hideous tattoo of a dragon. Jackass's Steve-O even got the same tattoo to poke fun at how bad it is.
7. Every One Of Marc Jacobs' Tattoos
Pick one. All are eligible.
8. Kim Stewart's Mistake On Mistake On Mistake
Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly got a Celtic tattoo reading "Daddy's Little Girl." Then, when she was dating Cisco Adler, added: "Loves Cisco." After the two split, the tattoo was changed to read "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco." But does she? I'm not sure.
9. Cher's Ass Flowers
Did you know Cher has two bouquet's worth of flowers on her ass? I didn't. The problem with this is, as one ages, like the flower, these images wilt, and look far less beautiful. I can only imagine what these babies look like today.
10. Dennis Rodman's Dick Licking Demon Chick
Dennis Rodman has a gigantic tattoo of a woman licking an even more gigantic penis on his back. This should be enough of an explanation as for why it has made this compilation.
11. Christina Ricci's Lion? Is That What That is?
Christina Ricci has what I believe is a very basic lion illustration on the back of her shoulder. The tattoo's just very uninspired and something you could pick off the wall at any tattoo shop. That, or out of any child's coloring book.
12. Lil Wayne's Entire Face
Lil Wayne is covered in tattoos, head to toe. His worst, unfortunately, are on his face. Whether it's the multiple stars splayed across on the left side of his face accompanied by the word "misunderstood" or the odd tribal mark underneath it, I can't decide which is the worst. Actually, I can. It's the tear drop he has coming from his mouth. I believe it means he ate somebody.
13. Nicole Richie's Lie
Nicole has the word "Virgin" on her wrist. She got this at 16, when she (probably) wasn't even a virgin. She insists she got this because she was a Virgo, and therefore got "Virgin" tattooed on her wrist, which doesn't make any sense. She's admitted it was a dumb mistake and has even considered getting an "i" and "a" to turn it into "Virginia" which is yet another nonsensical idea. How about getting it removed?
14. The Message From Tulisa's Vagina
Former "X-Factor" judge Tulisa wants you to know just how lucky you get when you get a piece of her. There's even a four leaf clover. Get it?
15. Cheryl Cole's Heavily Inked Ass
Singer Cheryl Cole has a fantastic ass. So why she got the thing heavily tattooed with flowers is anybody's guess. I mean, the artwork is fine, but, that once fantastic great ass has been defiled!
People Take Offense
More than anything else, those who are drinking at the bar are disgusted with you for not partaking. It's as if they think you're trying to act all better than them or something. That's why I've started implementing the phrase "no offense" into the routine. "Nah, I'm not drinking tonight. No offense." So far, I've noticed no change in unnecessary hatred toward me. But I suppose that could just be a personal problem.
Sober Bar Conversations With Inebriated People
Even people who indulge frequently have been in this situation many times, but it's much more tolerable when intoxicated. When you get stuck, or worse, cornered talking to someone who should have been cut off hours ago and is likely unknowingly spitting in your face as they speak, things get pretty unbearable fast. And that's not even factoring in whatever completely useless thing they are yammering on about as you try to figure out an escape plan. Sadly, even if you're lucky enough to find someone else at the bar who also isn't drinking, nine times out of ten they are lamer to converse with than the stinking drunk!
The Bartender Double Ignores You
I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never been able to catch a bartender's attention at a busy establishment as it is. If you finally do manage to flag one down and decide to order yourself anything besides alcohol: "Good luck getting another drink tonight, you party-pooping, cheapskate sack of dog shit," said the bartender last time I gave it a try.
You Realize How Filthy The Bathrooms Are
As a struggling germaphobe, this is by far the worst thing on the list. Look, I'm not going to the bar expecting clean toilets, but under the harsh light of sobriety, bar bathrooms are utterly disgusting. When I'm drunk and see a sink full of puke, it doesn't really bother me. Literally any other time, it's kind of a deal breaker.
Way Too Much Hand Shaking
You might say that my last example and this current one go...hand in hand. But seriously, what is the obsession with shaking hands, high-fiving and/or having to make some sort of physical contact every time you run into someone you know at the bar? Some people go as far as the kiss on the cheek greeting. Look, I only know what the men's bathroom looks like in this place, but if it's any indication of the utter filth people are walking around with on their hands and faces, I don't need to get so up close and personal. I'll hug you if I absolutely have to. Odds are I saw you the last time I was here anyways, but even so, I still hardly know you. What the hell are we hugging for?
If There Are No Good Sports On, It's A Living Hell
So you've managed to get away from everyone. Time to sit down, pretend you are texting someone back and forth so people will leave you alone, and catch some sports highlights on mute. It's not ideal, but it works. Well, unless it's 10:30 and they've shut the TVs off so the live band can start playing. Or, even more irritating, there is no band at all and they've switched over to syndicated "The Big Bang Theory" reruns for the remainder of the evening.
Getting Hit On Feels Gross And Pathetic Rather Than Flattering And Sexy
When a woman starts hitting on you at the bar after you've knocked a few back, it feels pretty nice to know that someone still finds you attractive in your inebriated state. That's not so much the case when it's the woman who's hammered off her ass and attempting to pick you up, especially when you are stone sensible. Basically what I'm saying is that it's no fun to be hit on by a sloppy drunk, unless you are also a sloppy drunk.
The Whole Experience Is So Depressing, You End Up Drinking Anyways
So much for sticking to your guns.
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
"Congrats" is my favorite because it says "I'm happy for you, but not happy enough to write a 15 letter word. Let's not get crazy"— Jess (@jessokfine) May 12, 2016
it is important to set the bar low so that no one can ever hurt u pic.twitter.com/ftqq6vIM61— mitra jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) May 20, 2016
It's someone's job to keep inventory of the Muppets & they're in charge of like the sign-out sheet for if u need to borrow Gonzo for an hour— Tom (@Tom_Vom) May 22, 2016
"I have a gf.... She goes to a different school" pic.twitter.com/1xyeIolq1X— steph stone (@stephstonenails) May 15, 2016
Hold a door for a lady and you're a gentleman.— Bob Heller (@Bob_Heller) May 24, 2013
Hold a REVOLVING door for a lady... and you're a dick according to this lady I've trapped.
I hope the real live forever and the fake get exposed pic.twitter.com/1XAEPpsq20— Hassan Whiteside (@youngwhiteside) May 22, 2016
[1st time buying drugs]— Derek Nelson (@ProdigyNelson) December 3, 2015
Me: can I get a *reads smudged notes on hand* married iguana
Guy: *opens coat to reveal married iguanas*
Me: hell ya
So I went hiking today and I thought that this bear died for a second 🐻💀 pic.twitter.com/AW3YzsrBrM— Sr. G.O (@sergiogarcia_4) May 13, 2016
[divorce settlement]— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 16, 2016
JUDGE: Your ex-wife is claiming you have spent her money extravagantly
ME: [Segways up to mic] She's lying
Me - when someone says "lets go to the strip club" 👯 https://t.co/uaGDEIYnfS— Yung Panic Attack (@AndyMilonakis) May 22, 2016
Doctors to video game characters are like "No matter the injury, just hide behind some crates until you start seeing colors again."— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) May 15, 2016
patiently waiting for bae to come home for dinner after u catch him bein shady pic.twitter.com/NsttTaFoyY— erin gilfoy (@goddess_eriu) May 16, 2016
my FAVORITE feature of a romper is peeing in public restrooms fully naked— miel (@mielmonster) April 28, 2016
Dawg this random bird trying to get me to adopt him pic.twitter.com/hqZbk7DNLp— Drew Kelly (@ifiwasperfect) May 21, 2016
These are the stewards of the public discourse pic.twitter.com/GcwPTQDuMG— derek davison (@dwdavison9318) May 21, 2016
Is Gandalf his first or last name?— Taylor of 21 Pielets (@markhoppus) May 20, 2016
I often wonder where Faceless Shirtless And1 Man is today. I hope he's found some peace. pic.twitter.com/sG7NvoZb4L— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) May 20, 2016
why'd this guy make his political meme look like a garfield book pic.twitter.com/xmEEXxPUvg— stefan heck (@boring_as_heck) May 20, 2016
fyi women have been ghostbusting for centuries they're called witches— ditch witch (@knifesex) May 18, 2016
I made a breakdown of some industry terms for you guys pic.twitter.com/qHo4MRpTHA— Kenya B. Williams (@kenyabri) May 19, 2016
Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.
We've finally made it to the end of the work week, and that means that Memorial Day weekend is upon us. And while people are elated to get an extra day of rest, something tells me no one is as excited as this baby is.
Check out the video below posted by Mike H:
I hope you're all as pumped up as she is.
You probably won't have as good of a time as this baby did: Woman And Her Boss's Chill Baby Had A Fantastic Time At The Office Christmas Party
Your parents will probably tell you that back when they were young you would have to take someone out on a date and tell them face to face that you were breaking up with them. Well, those times have obviously changed because people just don't give a shit anymore. And the confessions below are proof of that. Let's just hope the person being dumped doesn't also do some messed up things after the breakup.
Check out the most effed up ways people have been dumped by someone, thanks to Whisper:
Just hope you don't run into them: Ranking The 10 Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
While the majority of people are hitting the Internet to reveal what we should be doing with ISIS, some people are actually going out there and doing it. One of those people is politics student Joanna Palani.
The 23-year-old student has fought on the front lines in Syria. At just 22 year old, Palani headed to Rojova in Syria and joined up with Kurdish forces in an attempt to "fight for human rights for all people." Hell, she even learned how to shoot a gun at nine years old.
"ISIS fighters are very easy to kill," Palani tells Vice. "ISIS fighters are very good at sacrificing their own lives, but Assad's soldiers are very well-trained and they are specialist killing machines."
Palani has become a role model of sorts for women, and after a year of fighting she is now not being allowed to return to the front line because her passport has been deemed invalid. But, Palani has continued to fight for human rights while studying politics and philosophy.
Check out some more pictures of Palani thanks to her Instagram:
And here's another gal fighting ISIS: Canadian Model Returns Home After Four Months Of Fighting ISIS
Now that President Obama's time as leader of the free world is winding down, it seems it is appropriate to reveal some "UFO details," which he is expected to do soon.
According to Mirror, Obama is going to reveal news about alien life. The executive director of US-based Paradigm Research Group, Stephen Bassett, has said that he thinks there is a massive announcement to come.
"This will be a reality this year and across the front pages of newspapers across the world," Bassett says. "We are going to get disclosure this year. I am not sure who will win the election, but I think Obama will be the disclosure president. He will be looking at a Nobel Prize for making an announcement like that."
I am going to assume that Donald Trump will somehow factor into this and he will take off his skin, revealing that he is in fact some sort of reptilian alien. Probably.
Regardless of the announcement, I just hope we are as prepared as Will Smith was.
What's going on on Mars? Is This Pyramid On Mars Proof Of An Alien Civilization
If you're like me, your phone is loaded with a bunch of apps that you downloaded with every intention of using, but then you end up just cycling through the same handful of apps every single day. If only all those apps were given names that more appropriately described your experience while using them. Well your wish has been granted because we gave them all the names they truly deserve.
This English lad was really a nobody until the year 2009 rolled around. The world then saw him star alongside Christian Bale in "Terminator Salvation," and more importantly in one of the biggest movies ever: "Avatar." Now he and his awful, boring acting have been staring in big movies left and right, and he's bought James Cameron enough drinks that he's lined up for three "Avatar" sequels in the near future.
Maybe film producers were charmed by his English accent, but Bloom convinced people to let him be a part of two of the biggest movie franchises ever: "Lord of the Rings" and "Pirates of the Caribbean." And yeah, he almost singlehandedly ruined the pirate films, but don't worry, he's getting yet another chance to ruin them when he appears in a new one in 2017. Bloom and his whiny ways refuse to go down without a fight.
As much as I like seeing Diesel promote toy sharks, I really am baffled as to how he's stuck around in Hollywood so long. Diesel got a lucky break when Steven Spielberg saw his short film "Strays" and gave him a role in "Saving Private Ryan." Twenty-seven "Fast and the Furious" movies later and Diesel is still around, still making money and still inspiring tools to convince themselves they can drive like he does in the movies.
No, no one flocked to see "Transformers" because Michael Bay directed it. They went to see Megan Foxbent over the hood of a car. And like that, we had a new actress to obsess over. Since then Fox has found herself in more big, loud movies (including the classic and memorable "Jonah Hex"). And even though good acting isn't at the top of her priority list, at least you can still see her looking hot while she interacts with turtles.
Not many child actors grow up to be normal, stable adults, but not only did Elijah Wood pull that off, he reeled in massive checks when he snagged the role of Frodo in "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" and all those sequels that came with that. Now he can just kick back with his millions and wait for a cameo when "Lord of the Rings" is rebooted.
"Titanic," Apollo 13," "Aliens," The Terminator." Those are just some massive movies that Bill Paxton has been in. Don't ask me how, because Pax is nothing special, and yet he's carved himself a long career, and he continues to get offered roles. You can see Paxton's top-notch acting in "Twister," and then wonder to yourself why he's rich and you aren't.
I know she has an Oscar and countless other nominations under her belt, but when it comes down to it Jennifer Lawrence is just severely overrated. Starring as Katniss Everdeen in "The Hunger Games" helped her reach a mainstream audience, and since then she's been everywhere, mainly telling every person she meets how "normal" and "down to earth" she is.
Mintz-Plasse killed it as McLovin in "Superbad," his first time ever in any sort of film role. But since then we've quickly realized that he's a one-tune actor, playing the same awkward guy in every movie (and stealing roles from Michael Cera, probably). Mintz-Plasse doesn't bring anything new to the table with every role, but his successful turn in "Superbad" will keep him employed for years to come.
It pays to be good looking in Hollywood, just ask Zac Efron. After dancing around in high school gyms, Efron has gone on to snag roles (mostly of the partying/frat boy type). And even though he's had more box office failures than successes, Efron is still at the top of the list of a lot of casting directors. And he's not going away anytime soon, as Zac and his lucky ways will find him on the sandy beaches with girls in bikinis in "Baywatch."
You can make a case that all the Hemsworth brothers have been lucky, but we're going to call Liam the luckiest. How the hell did this dude not only find himself in one major franchise in "The Hunger Games," but also in one of the most anticipated movies of the summer, "Independence Day: Resurgence"? It seems like Hollywood is trying really hard to make this guy the next big thing, but it seems he'll always be in Thor's shadow.
The former stripper whose most popular movie focuses on stripping is pretty much what Channing Tatum is about. While Hollywood tried and failed to make him a big-time action star, Channing's calling may be comedy, as his biggest box office hits have been in the "21 Jump Street" franchise. This guy gyrated himself into the hearts of film producers everywhere, and is still one of the luckiest out there.
Adam Sandler's Pals
No one knows more about luck than Adam Sandler's pals. Sandler kicked off his career quite nicely for himself, before absolutely shitting the bed with terrible movie after terrible movie. And now? Well now he just employs people that no one else wants to employ; more specifically Rob Schneider and David Spade. These two Joes would be be selling insurance somewhere if it wasn't for Sandler, so they owe him a couple nice fruit baskets.
Wow, I did not see this coming.
I never thought I'd see the "Black Knight" again, but if he's going to be shaking shit up in season six of "Game of Thrones," I have no choice.
Related: What If Cookie From 'Empire' Was On 'Game Of Thrones'
Titles can be confusing, but the following U.S. map filled with questions is anything but. These are the questions Google-searched most by state. That's not to say they are the most Googled question for that state, but simply the question that is Googled more in that particular state than any other state. With that out of the way, can someone please explain in the comments what the hell is going on in Georgia? We're as concerned for them as they apparently are.
Were these questions not enough for you? Check out more highly frequented embarrassing questions at Estately, where this map originated. You can get a better scoop on the technicals of this map there, as well.
(h/t The A.V. Club)
Related: The Most Hated Reality TV Star From Each State
I'll be honest: Had I known that this is what was waiting for me at the end of the year, I would have cared a substantial amount more about Earth Science.
According to the Daily Mail, students set to graduate from Luitpold-Gymnasium in Munich told their teachers a woman named Jarly was coming to their in-classroom graduation party this week to speak about equal rights, but it turned out the only thing that was equal in her presentation was the amount of time each student's face spent between her jugs.
That's right, kids. The students pulled one over on their teachers and hired a stripper for their party:
Don't worry if you don't speak German and couldn't understand what the reporter was saying in the video, as the image of a mostly naked woman coming into the classroom to give students lappers is pretty much self-explanatory.
The craziest part of the story? You guessed it: Once the teachers realized their classroom had been transformed into a tit bar, they let the show go on because everybody present was an adult.
In a related story, officials at Luitpold-Gymnasium should prepare for a record number of applicants next year.
Best teachers ever: Two Female Louisiana English Teachers Arrested For Having Threesome With Student
Here's one family who can cancel their vacation to Six Flags because nothing there will come even close to matching the intensity they just experienced.
Somebody recently left pancakes on the stove inside an apartment complex in Russia, and the entire fifth floor unit was quickly engulfed in smoke and flames. Luckily for the family who lived there, not everybody in Russia is an asshole. Watch as their neighbors and passersby united to form a net for the family, which included an 11-month-old kid with heart disease.
Miraculously, nobody was injured during their jumps to safety, but it's unknown if anybody still had an appetite for flapjacks after that.
h/t The Huffington Post
"Nuh-uh, we ain't gonna be in no fire. Not today!": This Woman's Hilarious News Interview Of An Apartment Fire Is Going Viral
A 64-year-old Riverton man told police he was running naked while bells jingled from his testicles just to see what other people would do when they saw him.
And what did those people do? You guessed it: They called police.
According to The Smoking Gun, deputies from the Utah County Sheriff's Office arrested Kenneth Allen Beck Thursday afternoon after he admitted to parading himself past minors hanging out at the Diamond Fork hot spots in Spanish Fork Canyon with nothing but bells hanging from his sack.
Several children between the ages of eight and sixteen witnessed Beck doing his thing this time around, so he was cited for misdemeanor lewdness involving a child. It's the first lewdness charge against Beck since 2005, when he entered a restaurant on several occasions and showed an employee where he pees from while he ordered his food.
No word on how close Beck's bells came to touching the ground, but at 64 years old, you have to think they were pretty damn close.
Flying first class. Oh, and naked: A Naked Man Showed Up At The Nashville Airport On Sunday
The folks over at Wood Rocket aim to please, and that's pretty evident in the following video. After rounding up a who's who of today's hottest porn stars including Aiden Starr, Abigail Mac, Amber Ivy, Missy Martinez, Anny Aurora, Arabelle Raphael, Dixie Comet, Lily Ivy, Bliss Dulce, Leah Gotti and Charlotte Cross, they simply asked them to describe the perfect HJ. The rest was left in their very capable hands.
Great tips, ladies. Also, was I the only one who couldn't stop thinking about "Old School" with all the vegetal demonstrations?
(h/t The LAD Bible)
Related: Nikki Glaser And Kyle Kinane Feed Hilarious Dialogue To Porn Stars
Another day, another round of photoshopbattles on Reddit. Why? Well, because this is the kind of stuff the Internet thrives on. Besides, it's not as if we could hate this scene anymore than we already do, so what's the harm? Here's the template for those who are currently in the dark, or, like me, have never seen an Indiana Jones movie beyond the original:
Now that you're up to speed, let the battle begin!
(h/t The A.V. Club)
Related: Cold As All Hell Girl At Tough Mudder Gets The Photoshop Treatment
Some weird news you simply can't make up. I'd say a man caught on CCTV having sex with a drain pipe would fall into that category. What else is there to say, really? Though he has not yet been identified, what is known is that the hump sesh took place somewhere in China, with the pipe itself belonging to a local home. There is nothing I can say to prepare you for the video footage, but just to remind you one more time, it is extremely NSFW. You know, considering it features a dude sticking his penis into a pipe and all.
The phrase "caught with your pants down" has officially taken on the strangest meaning yet.
(h/t The LAD Bible)
At least he was putting himself into an object instead of the other way around: Doctors Surgically Remove 18-Inch Vegetable From Man Who Used It As Sex Toy