Articles on this Page
- 07/19/16--07:10: _14 People Confess T...
- 07/19/16--07:20: _15 Hot Celebrity Wo...
- 07/19/16--07:43: _Pimple Cupcakes Are...
- 07/19/16--09:36: _This Singer's Onsta...
- 07/19/16--10:15: _This Comedian Mocks...
- 07/19/16--10:58: _Try To Spot The Dog...
- 07/19/16--11:58: _New Jersey Man Crap...
- 07/19/16--12:27: _Welfare Cards In Ma...
- 07/19/16--12:55: _Wild Boar Runs Out ...
- 07/19/16--14:20: _'Shooter McGavin - ...
- 07/20/16--04:16: _The Top 10 Greatest...
- 07/20/16--04:20: _13 World Records Of...
- 07/20/16--04:30: _Today's Funny Photos
- 07/20/16--05:37: _10 Cringeworthy Pre...
- 07/20/16--06:20: _Save Some Money At ...
- 07/20/16--06:38: _The Greatest Camouf...
- 07/20/16--07:55: _Donald Trump Finall...
- 07/20/16--08:10: _We Tried Our Best T...
- 07/20/16--08:20: _These Things Are Al...
- 07/20/16--08:55: _Model Laura Lux Tea...
- 07/19/16--07:10: 14 People Confess The Strangest Thing They've Ever Masturbated To
- 07/19/16--07:20: 15 Hot Celebrity Women Are Having Babies This Year
- 07/19/16--09:36: This Singer's Onstage Dance Moves Are Sure To Drop Panties
- 07/19/16--10:58: Try To Spot The Dog In Every One Of These Cabin Photos
- 07/19/16--11:58: New Jersey Man Craps Pants To Avoid Arrest, Gets Arrested Anyway
- 07/19/16--12:55: Wild Boar Runs Out Of The Baltic Sea And Attacks People On The Beach
- 07/20/16--04:16: The Top 10 Greatest Cartoon Cereal Mascots Of All Time
- 07/20/16--04:20: 13 World Records Of Idiocy
- 07/20/16--04:30: Today's Funny Photos
- 07/20/16--06:20: Save Some Money At Fast Food Restaurants With These Value Hacks
- 07/20/16--06:38: The Greatest Camouflage Memes You Gotta See (If You Can)
- 07/20/16--07:55: Donald Trump Finally Got A Wall Built...Around Himself
- 07/20/16--08:10: We Tried Our Best To Summarize The Taylor Swift/Kim Kardashian Spat
- 07/20/16--08:20: These Things Are All Celebrating 40th Anniversaries of Awesomeness
Well here's a conversation you probably don't have every day. I reached out to friends, which immediately became much closer friends, and asked them about the strangest thing that's ever done the job for them. Honestly we all went through that weird phase where everything is kind of sexual and you're just a big ball of horniness at all times. If anything, this should make you feel a lot less embarrassed about your own little, private adventures.
1. "Remember water snakes? Those toys that were like squishy tubes filled with liquid that you could stick your finger in? I made love to one of those. It was like a junior Fleshlight. The best part is that it was my friend's little brother's toy and I never told him what I did with it."
2. "Ok, this is weird, and I'm only sharing it because my name isn't going with it. My parents bought a camcorder, for what I assume was to make sex tapes of their own. I assume that because it was set up on a tripod in their room. One day when no one else was home I took the camera and set it up in my room and recorded myself masturbating. Then, and here's the really weird part, I wait a little bit and jerked off to the recording of me jerking off from earlier. After it was over I recorded over the tape and obviously never brought it up to anyone ever again."
3. "Back before you had the internet to be your instant smut provider, we had to be creative. I got off so many times arranging Barbies and action figures together in sexual positions. I was like a tiny pornographer for plastic models."
4. "The very first time I ever did it, I actually didn't know what I was doing. I didn't realize THAT was what masturbating was. I was lying on the floor in my room going to town on myself to a scene on "Mad About You" where Helen Hunt was brushing her teeth. I'll never forget that moment."
5. "Once when I was 12 I was on a trip with my grandparents in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I had my own room and was constantly dealing with boners, so I used the only sexual stimulant I had; the small, somewhat sexual moans Shania Twain made during her hit single "Any Man of Mine." I had it on tape and just listened to it on my walkman over and over until I finished. Certainly not my proudest moment."
6. "Petroleum Jelly was a stereotype of things you'd use to masturbate with, but we never had any in my house. So on a trip to my grandma's house I noticed a jar of it in the cabinet. Instead of putting some on my hand and using it that way, I just turned the can sideways and started thrusting into it. I'm sure she was puzzled by the random pit in the middle of her ointment, but thankfully no one ever mentioned it to me."
7. "I don't have anything weird that I masturbated to, but one time a guy convinced me that we could use ketchup as lube. Let me just say that I do not recommend using ketchup as lube. I'll leave it at that."
8. "One time I stayed up until 4am because there was a movie on HBO where a woman was talking and her dress came down just a little, so you could see her nipple. I stayed up hours just to be able to jack off to that. You kids had better be thankful for what you have now. Those were dark days."
9. "I don't think I ever actually masturbated to it, but man let me tell you, as a teenager in the late '90s you could easily find some seriously messed up stuff on the internet. I would use IRC to exchange pictures with these server bots and I saw so many things that PornHub couldn't even fathom today. I don't want to go into detail, but I've unintentionally seen way too many animals having sex with people."
10. "I used to do it all the time to my VHS copy of "The Little Mermaid," but not to Ariel. I would do it to Ursula. There was something about those big, busty naturals that really did it for me."
11. "I can jack off to someone's Instagram even if there are no sexually suggestive pictures whatsoever. You know how those detectives on TV can visualize how a murder went down without actually seeing what happened? That's what I can do, except with visualizing boobs. It's a gift and a curse."
12. "For me it's probably the Tonya Harding sex tape. I deserved better than that. It was not a good performance by anyone involved."
13. "So this isn't a weird thing I masturbated to as much as it is a weird path I chose to get to the masturbating. I was going on a road trip with my dad to my uncle's house for the weekend to watch the Super Bowl. On the way there he stopped at a gas station and bought some dirty magazines. He thought I didn't see them, but I saw them. So when he wasn't looking I took one and put it inside the lining of the sleeve of my coat. I put it down on my forearm so you couldn't really tell anything was there unless you touched it. I hid that thing in there for THREE WHOLE DAYS! I don't want to be a drug smuggler, but from that experience, I think I'd be a pretty good mule."
14. "Princess Lolly from the Candyland game. We didn't have a lot of options back then, ok?"
The Victoria's Secret model is expecting her first child with fiancé Hermann Nicoli. She anticipates a late summer/early fall delivery.
Over the holiday weekend, the "Sicario" star welcomed her second child with husband John Krasinski. Blunt's "The Huntsman: Winter's War" came out in spring, and her anticipated 2016 film "The Girl on the Train" is set for fall.
The "Vinyl" actress announced in April she was expecting her second child with comedian Jason Sudekis. Although the Scorsese HBO show was recently canceled, that didn't stop us from enjoying her NSFW nude scenes.
Everybody's favorite Jim Beam babe is pregnant again with her "That '70s Show" costar husband Ashton Kutcher. They have a 20-month-old named Wyatt to preface their new child.
Another Victoria's Secret model is expecting her first child this year, announced with a baby bump back in March. Maroon 5's Adam Levine is the father, who appears to be expecting, as well.
In early May, the "Scandal" star announced she was pregnant with her second child. This created a scandal of its own on "Scandal" as fans begin to wonder how this may play into season six production.
This photo of a preggers Blake Lively shows her with her man Ryan Reynolds over Fourth of July weekend. The couple is welcoming their second child already.
The "mumma-to-be" Aussie model is eight months along on her first pregnancy. If she didn't already have perfect backside cleavage and a stellar rack, now she certainly does.
The new April O'Neil of one of the most underrated movies of 2016 is expecting her third, yes third, child with "Beverly Hills 90210" hunk Brian Austin Green. The couple announced their separation but haven't been divorced, and are seen together quite a bit as of late.
HBO's "The Leftovers" star recently turned 39 at the start of the month and is set to release her third child after announcing her baby bump at the start of the year. We love referring to babies as if they're records. The baby is set to drop by late summer.
The Israeli model is set to have her first child. Bar has been modeling practically since she came out of the womb. Also, she did this too-hot-for-TV commercial.
Unlike her sister, the hot model who uses her dog as a prop, Nicky is expecting her first child after being wed last July.
The "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" is packing on a few extra pounds this year as she welcomes her first child with husband Michael Koman. She announced the pregnancy in April on "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."
Two-time winner on "Dancing With the Stars" Peta Murgatroyd is not only an Aussie babe and excellent dancer, but in her second trimester at age 29. We'll see how she can dance now that she's had a bun in the oven.
The Australian actress and "Point Break" babe announced in late May she was expecting her second child with husband Mark Webber. At age 30, she's looking pretty dynamite, especially as she contributes to the continuation of Hollywood's failed reboots.
Sandra Lee, also known as Dr. Pimple Popper, really enjoys grossing out her viewers by showing them a little part of her day-to-day life, which mainly involves extracting horribleness from people's bodies. She even put together a lovely compilation of pimples being popped.
But when Dr. Lee isn't pushing stuff out of humans, she's showing everyone what pimple cupcakes look like. California bakery Blessed By Baking actually made some pimple cupcakes that might make you sick upon first seeing them. Take a look at them below thanks to Dr. Lee's Instagram:
And now let's see what happens when you squeeze these things:
And yet our gluttonous asses still want to devour every single one of them.
Boobs? Instagram Banned A Woman Because They Thought This Cake Was A 'Boob'
Wardrobe malfunctions are embarrassing (see what we did there?) but also occasionally hot. This latest example definitely doesn't fall under the latter category, as it's as unattractive as it is humiliating. Well, depending on how into granny panties you are, that is. Facebook user Trevor Clarke uploaded the following video just days ago, and it has already been viewed nearly three million times. Fortunately, not much is known about the singer, so she at least appears to have the guise of complete anonymity at the moment. OK, enough yakking. Just watch this hilarious thing.
What's she gonna do for an encore?
In other cheeky news: This Is What Occurs When You Attempt To Twerk In A Tight Dress On Live TV
Celebrities sure do love taking it to Instagram to show off themselves and their glamorous lives, and it usually comes across as perfect. Well, Australian comedian Celeste Barber has gone out of her way to parody some of the most famous celebs out there and their Instagram photos.
From Kim Kardashian to Kate Upton to Emily Ratajkowski to others, Barber hilariously mocks all of their ridiculous pictures. Take a look at some of her best ones thanks to her Instagram:
And then there's this dude: Meet Kendall Jenner's 'Fraternal Twin' Brother, Kirby Jenner
All the photographer wanted to do here was take some pictures of the rad cabin he and his family were staying at, but their dog couldn't stand the attention not being on him for one damn second. So, of course, he's in every single photo. Some won't be as easy as spotting this dog, but see if you can find the dog in every one of these photos.
Where the hell is the cellphone? Can You Spot The Phone Camouflaged Against This Rug
According to ABC 6, upon learning that officers responding to a complaint of a disorderly man in Plainfield early Sunday morning were planning to arrest him, 27-year-old Kyle Chambliss decided to shit his pants in hopes that they would just tell him to move along instead.
Yeah, that didn't work.
Police said Chambliss was talking loudly on his cellphone in his vehicle as they approached it. After smelling alcohol "coming from Chambliss," the officers asked him to step out of the car. He obliged albeit while still talking to whoever was on the other end of the phone.
No doubt perturbed with his lack of respect, officers asked him to end the phone call and focus his attention on them. Chambliss became "aggressive" toward them, and that's when they made it known that he was going to be arrested.
And that's when he made it known that he was going to shit himself.
Chambliss allegedly also hit and kicked officers as they tried to handcuff him, and that's why he's now in jail facing charges of aggravated assault on a police officer, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.
Please remove your last item from the scanner: Ohio Man Arrested For Pooping On Self-Checkout Scanner At Grocery Store
Honey, I'll be right there. I'm going to check my balance one more time.
According to The Guardian, some EBT card holders in Maine who recently called the phone number on the back of their card to see how much money they had left in their account were left with massive erections instead because the number was actually a sex line.
Officials with the Maine Department of Health and Human Services said they were aware that some of the phone numbers listed were off by one digit, meaning those who were calling to check their balances were greeted with a "message welcoming them to America's hottest talk line" instead.
One man from Lewiston said he thought he misdialed the first time around, but when he tried again (and again and again), he got the same sex chat message and realized it was a misprint.
We quickly switched into investigative journalism mode, and it only took us two tries to discover the wrong number listed on the backs of some cards was 1-800-477-7429. You're welcome.
If you're going to use the phone for sex, educate yourself first: Sexting Examples: Your Official Guide To Phone Sex
I like to rip on fat kids who sit inside and play video games when it's sunny and 85 degrees instead of having their grandmas drive them to the beach to throw around the pigskin and look at girls in bikinis.
But after watching this clip of a wild boar running out of the Baltic Sea and attacking Bulgarian and Russian beachgoers who were expecting nothing more than a fun day of catching rays and building sand castles, I'd like to retract my criticism.
I mean, how terrifying is that? Somebody else pulled out their cellphone instead of helping their fallen countrymen and caught the attack from a different angle, and it's equally as disturbing:
Here's to hoping that somebody caught that thing before it gave hydrophobia to some poor kid, and they were able to enjoy the rest of their day at the beach with some freshly cooked pulled pork sandwiches.
Here's an even better reason to stay away from the beach this summer: 10 Fatal Shark Attack Tales That Will Make You Never Want To Swim Again
If you've ever watched the 1996 comedy classic "Happy Gilmore" and wondered what the title character's nemesis' side of the story would be, the following rap video is as close to an answer as you're ever going to get. Created by Twitter user @AnthonyPetix and shared via his YouTube page, this one seems destined for greatness. Then again, that's what they said about Shooter McGavin.
And just in case you were wondering, yes, this video was approved by the golf legend himself:
Related: Shooter McGavin Is Still Having Fun On The Golf Course 20 Years After 'Happy Gilmore'
#10 - Dig'em Frog, Honey Smacks
He doesn't have much of a vocabulary. This frog basically just repeats his name over and over again. Kids are always delighted to see him at their breakfast table nonetheless, overlooking his lack of conversational skills. The Smacks themselves speak for him, we guess -- first preceded by the word "Sugar" when the cereal was introduced in the '50s, then renamed with a healthier sounding "Honey" three decades later. Dig'em's a hip dresser with a fly baseball cap -- no pun intended -- sitting sideways on his sleek head. And when he slaps both your hands in a gesture of friendship, the most important meal of the day is complete.
#9 - Sonny the Cuckoo Bird, Cocoa Puffs
Addiction is no laughing matter. In the cereal world, it seems, this affliction can also run rampant in the animal kingdom. Case in point, Sonny -- yes, genetically a cuckoo bird, and thus wired for behavioral impediments -- but no less deserving of our sympathies to his struggle. Sonny is just trying to live a straight and narrow life, finding creative schemes to keep this chocolate monkey off his back. But the temptation for a heaping bowl of Cocoa Puffs is too sweet, perhaps because of its distressingly high sugar content. And a steady stream of enabling children who appear determined to keep Sonny off the wagon. We've seen it time and again, a brave front then pitiful fall when presented with this cocoa-kissed demon. Sure, all part of a nutritious breakfast we're reminded, but for Sonny, a twelve step recovery is long overdue and should be set far, far away from a particular grocery aisle.
#8 - Buzz Bee, Honey Nut Cheerios
We are constantly told that the world's bee population is in decline. It is strange, then, that one of few surviving cartoon mascots still appearing in commercials today is the little black and yellow-clad bugger promoting Honey Nut Cheerios. Comparatively, he came late to the game, flying onto the scene only in the late '70s and remaining nameless until 2000 when a contest produced the moniker BuzzBee. Shortened to Buzz, the name is now as familiar as his tireless efforts to convince cereal eaters of all ages that just a little drop of honey flavor makes a perhaps boring bowl of Cheerios into something worth buzzing about.
#7 Trix Rabbit - Trix
A repeat victim of the most condescending catchphrase in all cerealdom, Tricks the Trix Rabbit would be considered a master of disguise if any of them managed to keep his identity hidden. Always on the hunt for a bowl of this fruity bounty, the floppy-eared go-getter has been getting denied his desired breakfast from selfish children since his creation in 1959. Somehow these snot-nosed brats have taken it upon themselves to deny rabbits Trix under any circumstances, even when that rabbit is the product's spokesman. Sure, he may be a bit silly, especially clothed in some feckless costume, but to torment him mercilessly with this taunt and then go a step further to refuse him sustenance is the worst thing one can do to a rabbit short of a "Fatal Attraction"-style boiling.
#6 Toucan Sam – Froot Loops
If their commercials are to be believed, tropical forests are littered randomly with boxes of Froot Loops waiting to be discovered, opened, and enjoyed. And for a mascot, they've got a capable hunter on the trail. Toucan Sam is his name and he boasts a colorful beak decorated with the cereal's original three colors: red, yellow and orange. And though over the years that beak has shrunken in size, Sam's uncanny sense of smell has never wavered. With a well-mannered Englishman's accent -- maybe a remnant of the country's penchant for colonization -- this proud bird has been instructing peckish children to follow their noses to a colorful breakfast since the '60s. And while the misspelling correctly suggests that no real fruit has been added as an ingredient in the cereal, the flavor recalls a bountiful tropical paradise.
#5 Cap'n Crunch – Cap'n Crunch
While each mascot on this list falls somewhere within a wide spectrum of pedigree, impressively this one ranks as an officer in the armed forces. A naval man who's been successfully protecting his cereal from the clutches of nefarious pirates since 1963 and adorned with a serious white mustache and emblems heralding a lifetime of service, Cap'n Crunch -- full name: Horatio Magellan Crunch -- is a calm, steady hero who obviously isn't offended by the public contraction of his hard won military title. Piloting the S.S. Guppy with a crew of children -- which at first does indeed come off as disturbing -- and a human-sized dog, his repeated proclamation that his cereal stays crunchy in milk is as sound a welcome as a foghorn on a visually challenging night.
#4 Lucky the Leprechaun – Lucky Charms
Despite his name, this mascot always finds himself in the same unfortunate situation time and again. A pair of troublesome kids -- usually a white boy and girl -- blatantly try to steal his cereal in broad daylight. Yet with the aid of a leprechaun's magic, Lucky then devises an escape and reliably takes that time to remind whoever might be watching this tense scenario about the alluring colored, shapely marshmallows to be found in Lucky Charms. These mortal children, however, tend to still somehow best their prey's otherworldly abilities, landing him and his beloved breakfast into their unrightly possession. But Lucky is a forgiving soul and will end up sharing a meal with his former pursuers, now captors, justifying the whole ordeal by the fact that Lucky Charms are indeed magically delicious.
#3 Count Chocula – Count Chocula
In all, Monster Cereals have five spooky mascots touting five separate brands, though two are doubtlessly obscure. Of the three more widely known, it is Count Chocula who leads the pack in overall popularity. No doubt Saturday morning cartoon fans remember him and comrade Franken Berry endlessly debating whose product tastes best; said debates never saw conclusion. However, since these skittish monsters were invariably scared off themselves by something otherwise non-threatening -- once, for instance, an upwardly collapsing umbrella. Boo Berry seems the bravest of the trio, sometimes himself a catalyst for the other monsters' fright. Cereal lovers tend to have the opposite reaction when happening upon any of the three at the grocery store since their availability is now limited to the Halloween season, their monstrous faces therefore a very welcome sight.
#2 Snap, Crackle, & Pop – Rice Krispies
Snap came first -- appearing on the box in 1933 -- which seems logical since he is a chef. Brothers Crackle and Pop joined him almost a decade later, forming an enduring and clamorous triumvirate. There's science behind why this cereal makes its signature sound once bathed in milk, but we'll leave that lesson to Alton Brown. Instead we'll honor these three friendly gnomes who, unlike most of their counterparts, don't find much trouble whatsoever while flaunting their cereal, just satisfied youngsters. These are the oldest cartoon characters of any Kellogg's brand. And when their handiwork gets baked with regular-sized marshmallows, it's time to make noise of our own.
#1 Tony the Tiger – Frosted Flakes
Tigers are not indigenous to the U.S., but there is something nonetheless nationalistic about Tony. He's not flashy, his only clothing is a red bandanna, yet his bold orange and black stripes would make heads turn alongside even the most exclusive fashion runways. He's a family man and has brought his brood into the cereal business as mascots themselves. Heck, son Tony Jr. is now the face of Frosted Rice, whatever that is. But children remember Tony most as a mentor, watching him give their peers -- aided by a bowl of Frosted Flakes -- the confidence, encouragement and nourishment needed to achieve their goals. We don't require his lofty baritone to declare Tony the Tiger the greatest cereal mascot of all time. And we'll use his most favored adjective meant to describe his beloved Frosted Flakes in description of him instead. Tony the Tiger is truly Gr-r-reat!
Woman Caught Speeding Three Times in One Hour
On July 7, Kai Kitchen—not to be confused with the Chinese restaurant—was busted going 93 MPH along the I-81 in Dublin, Virginia. Forty minutes later, she was clocked going 97 MPH. Kitchen apparently thought she was invisible, because a mere 20 minutes later, police pulled her over a third time for going 94 MPH. The smooth criminal was booked and released with a $1,000 fine. She is no longer allowed to drive in the state of Virginia for an entire year.
Meet Sheila Vogel-Coupe. At 85 years old, she decided against becoming a Walmart greeter and instead chose the world's oldest profession. At $420 an hour, could you blame her? The Mirror reports that she "entertains" up to 10 clients a week. And by "entertains," I mean she has sex with armies of GILF hunters looking for a good time.
"They see something about me. It's a nice feeling. I know I am very, very sexy." That's up for debate. Coupe began fornicating more than an SEC sorority girl after her husband died of natural causes. "I love sex," she put it simply. She is the oldest known prostitute ever to have her services publicly advertised on mass media.
The Only Person to Ever Jump Off the Golden Gate Bridge for Fun and Survive
Otter Vilagomez is a dumbass. A brave, beautiful, innocent dumbass. In 2011, the then-17-year-old California kid was on a field trip visiting the San Francisco Bay when he decided to impress his friends. He took one look at water 220 feet below and said, "No big." Otter didn't know that 98 percent of people die when they jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, hitting the water at speeds of up to 75 MPH. It is the most popular spot in the world for suicide.
"It felt like getting hit by a truck," he said. When he slammed into the water, he suffered only bruising and tenderness. A surfer nearby who paddled to Otter said Otter told him he did it just "for kicks." He somehow hit the water at an angle with his slim frame and survived. That, or his thick skull broke his fall. Since 1937, 1,600 people have leapt to their deaths from the bridge, and Otter is the only one to have done it with a smile on his face and lived to tell the tale.
Bulgarian Man Registers a .914% BAC
In December 2004, a man from Plovdiv, Bulgaria was taken to the hospital after a car crash. He spoke clearly and coherently, giving no impression that he was tanked like an Irishman with alcohol poisoning. The anonymous man registered a BAC so high that doctors thought their equipment was broken. They had to do the test five times. It is obvious this Bulgarian legend had those Ozzy Osbourne genes because no mortal man could survive such an astronomical blood-booze level. He was also 67.
Wisconsin Man Eats 28,000 Big Macs
Like the Bulgarian boozehound above, Don Gorske seems to have some special metabolism designed to withstand tremendous stress. In 1972, Gorske began eating Big Macs and never looked back. "I promised myself that no matter how rotten things would get, I would have a Big Mac every day," he said. It's surprising things haven't gotten more rotten for him. In 2006, the Guinness people awarded him the honor after tallying 26,000 Big Macs to his resume. He has since continued with his McDiscipline and is probably well beyond the 28,000 at this point.
Michigan Woman Takes a 26-Foot-Long Poop
"In February 1995, working in conjunction with nutritionists at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, I adopted a super fiber-rich diet which allowed me to successfully produce a single extruded excrement measuring the exact length of my colon: 26 feet." These were the words of Michelle Hines, who, in 1995, squat-walked along a bowling alley lane to create the longest turd ever cut. Some have said it was a hoax, but I choose to believe it was real. It was documented in her art piece titled "World Record #4: Peristaltic Action." Art students...
Woman Marries 23 Times
Linda Wolfe of Indiana is the most married woman of all time. She is literally "addicted to the romance." Over the course of her life, Wolfe has married two homosexuals, two hobos, and a one-eyed convict. As a publicity stunt, she married the most married man, Jack Gourley, who had racked up an impress 29 ex-wives before he died (likely from alimony payments).
Australian Plays "Call of Duty" for 135 Hours Straight
In 2012, a 28-year-old smashed the Guinness World Record for longest gaming session. He was able to accomplish the feat by taking short breaks, presumably to poo, pee, and power nap. To avoid blood clots which have actually killed chronic gamers in the past, Okan Kaya occasionally played on a stair master. "My hands were cramping up and I went through a lot of bandages," he told the Australian Associated Press.
The $4.1 Million Car Wreck
Eight Ferraris, one Lamborghini, and three Mercedes Benzs. In December of 2011, luxury automobile enthusiasts traveling to a festival in Hiroshima created a 14-car wreck. One of the Ferrari drivers tried to change lanes and struck another. According to World Record Academy, it was the most expensive wreckage of all time. Thankfully, no one died, except for that Ferrari driver's bank account.
Chicago Woman Racks Up 678 Parking Tickets
Parking at O'Hare International can be expensive. Just ask Jennifer Fitzgerald, a 1999 Chevy Monte Carlo owner who left it there for three years. From November 17, 2009 to April 30, 2012, she accrued a depressing $105,761 in fines. Thankfully, she had a good lawyer, and in 2013 the fine was dropped to only $4,470. Employees at Chicago O'Hare apparently thought it was a cash cow and never reported the vehicle's three-year presence.
The Only Known Plane Crash Caused by a Crocodile
Eighteen people, including pilot Chris Wilson, died in a plane crash in the Congo after the reptilian in question escaped from a passenger's bag. Investigators said that a stampede of panicked flyers rushed to the front of the plane, causing it to stall and plummet to earth. The croc was allegedly only two to three feet long.
Oldest Male Stripper—60 Years Old
Not idiotic, but awesomely off-kilter. In 2003, Bernie Barker was recognized as the oldest male stripper by the Guinness Record Book. He did it for noble reasons: He was diagnosed with colon cancer and stripped to keep in shape. In his brief, bright career, Barker titled in 42 stripper contests. He tragically succumbed to the cancer and died in 2007. But like a sexy Walter White, he heroically went out in a blaze of glory.
Longest Ear Hair—10 Inches
He combined his hair and washed it with the finest herbal shampoos. He ignored stares and the pleas of his wife to cut it. For they didn't know. In 2003, Radhakant Baijpai accomplished what he set out to do from the age of 18: get recognized for his extraterrestrial-like ear hair. It measured an astounding 25 centimeters. On his wife's opinion, he told the Daily Mail, "She has always been asking me to cut my ear-hair, but since the official record as confirmed by Guinness, she has allowed me to keep it because it is a source of pride for me." You do you, boo.
A little known fact about me is that I have never had anything funny or controversial written on a cup of coffee from Starbucks. I just always tell them my name is "Lost had the greatest series finale in TV history" and everyone agrees and moves on with their day. It's just easier that way. It's also easy to scroll down and enjoy today's funnies. Following us on Twitter and Instagram is pretty simple, too.
There are always more funny photos on Mandatory!
There are always more funny photos on Mandatory!
There are always more funny photos on Mandatory!
More: Yesterday's Funny Photos
Far be it from us to tell you how to live your lives, but when it comes to announcing to the world that you're expecting, keep it simple, stupid. The more elaborate you try to be, the easier it can backfire. So just let people know you have a bun in the oven and move on with your day. No use embarrassing yourself like these poor souls.
Honesty is never the best policy in this case.
Is that the ShamWow Guy?
We get it. You don't have to draw us a diagram.
Actually, we changed our minds. Go back to the diagram. This is just lame (and unoriginal).
Leave it to Mary to paint the picture no one wanted to see.
A real Homer of an idea.
No one will even get this joke in another five years.
Now I'm confused as to how he physically got her pregnant in the first place.
Eh, at least she's honest.
Keeping it simple is good advice for faking a pregnancy, too: Girl Fails Hard At Trying To Convince Her Ex That She's Pregnant
1. Instead of paying for a Big Mac, order a McDouble "dressed as a Mac." If they don't know what the f*ck you're talking about, just ask for a McDouble without ketchup and mustard with Mac sauce and lettuce.
2. Is there anything worse than a warm/bordering-on-cold Filet-O-Fish? Probably, but a cold sandwich you paid good money for is some bull. To ensure you don't get a sandwich that's been resting under the heat lamp for an undetermined amount of time, order the sandwich without cheese, this way they HAVE to make a new sandwich.
3. Instead of ordering a six, 10, 20 or 40 pack of McNuggets, it's actually better value to order multiple four-piece nuggets. Plus, you'll get more sauce without having to request extra.
4. Ask for no onions to ensure you have a made-to-order burgers. Employees won't (and can't) scrape the chopped onions off the burger, meaning they must make another. If you like the onions, ask for something else off the burger, like pickles.
5. Order a Happy Meal. I mean, they're intended for kids, but they're cheaper than most other menu items. Forgoing a toy will make your meal even cheaper. Apparently those cost a pretty penny.
6. If you want REAL eggs on your breakfast sandwiches instead of the mystery liquid you find on some of their menu items, ask for a "round egg" on the sandwich. This is the same egg they use on Egg McMuffins.
1. Make yourself a cheap iced latte by ordering a triple espresso over ice in a Venti cup. Then, head on over to the condiment area and fill the remainder of your cup up with milk. By pouring your own milk, you save yourself some coin.
2. If you get your morning cup of joe at Starbucks, revisit your location and they will refill your cup with brewed coffee for only 50 cents. Any size. And, you can get a refill even if your drink wasn't a coffee in the first place.
3. By bringing your own reusable cup or mug, you'll save 10 cents on the price of your drink. It isn't much, but if you do this daily, it'll add up.
4. Instead of ordering their ridiculously expensive bottled water, ask your barista for a Venti cup of water with ice. Water and ice at all Starbucks locations are triple-filtered, which means it's probably better than whatever the hell's in that luxury bottled water to justify its price.
5. Did you know that Starbucks offers a size smaller than "Tall"? Indeed, and it's aptly called "Short." It's not even that small, especially when you consider the strength of Starbucks coffee. When you order a Short cappuccino, ex-employees have said it will have the same amount of caffeine as the tall version. So by ordering a tall, you essentially get more filler -- you know, milk, water, etc.
6. If there's two of you and you both want a Frappuccino, you're better off ordering a Venti (24 ounces) than ordering two Talls (each of which have 12 ounces). Ask for an extra cup and you'll save yourselves a dollar each.
1. Instead of choosing between black or pinto beans, get both with no additional cost by executing the following hack: When the disgruntled Chipotle employee asks which kind of beans you want, tell them one type of bean. Say, black beans. Then, once the beans have been added, say, "Actually, can I have the pinto beans as well?" By applying this method, you assure two FULL scoops of both beans opposed to half scoops of each.
2. For a weightier, carb-dense burrito, do the same with white and brown rice.
3. To ensure more meat lies pretty on your burrito, ask for ½ chicken and ½ steak. Since Chipotle doesn't measure their meat and uses a scoop, you usually get way more meat than if you settle for a single meat.
4. You know the basket of grilled green peppers and onions right beside the beans in the Chipotle lineup? Ask for those, they're called "Fajita mix." For some reason, they don't ask if you want these included on your burrito, but you definitely do, they're delicious and make for a hearty burrito.
5. If you want a girthier burrito, order a Burrito Bowl (which is known to encompass MUCH more ingredients than an actual burrito), and get a tortilla on the side. Make your own!
There aren't many value hacks here, but there is one that will make sure your food hasn't been sitting under a heat lamp for hours (which does/has happened at Burger King quite a bit). The hack is easy, just customize your burger. By customizing your sandwich, the cooks have to recreate your burger as the Whoppers sitting under the heat lamps are standard.
1. Instead of ordering two six-inch subs, get a footlong and split it. Easy as that. And you totally can get different toppings on each half; you might get some attitude from your "sandwich artist," but whatever.
2. This one won't impress your sandwich artist either, but whenever they add a ridiculously minuscule amount of toppings on your sandwich, keep asking for more until you're satisfied. You want your sub to look the way they do in those ads, don't you?
Or kick back at home: Life/Hacked: Food Hacks For Kitchen Ninjas
For some reason, the internet loves camouflage. I'm not sure if they actually enjoy wearing camouflage, but they definitely enjoy making jokes about it. The premise of the joke is pretty simple: Camouflage makes you invisible. That's it. Sometimes it's the simple things that can bring so much joy, though, and these camo memes below do exactly that. Take a look (if you can see them) below.
For months, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has been spewing hot garbage out of the hole in his face, and a lot of it has been about building a wall and making Mexico pay for it. Well all that hot air has paid off for Trump, but not in the way he had hoped.
Trump got his wall, but it was actually built around his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame -- a star that has been getting crapped on time and time again. Street artist Plastic Jesus is said to be responsible for this masterpiece. Take a look at it below:
What a beauty. And the people below sure do love the 6-inch high concrete wall, fully equipped with razor wire, signs to "keep out" and miniature American flags:
Thanks, Plastic Jesus. Now the other stars don't have to look at such a monstrosity.
Photo Credit: Nick Stern/WENN.com
Another masterpiece: A Genius Made A Portrait Of Donald Trump Using 500 Dick Pics
If you've been on the internet this week, there's a good chance you've come across what seems like hundreds of stories discussing details regarding this gladiator-esque spat between two of pop culture's biggest players: Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian.
But you don't give a sh*t, do you? We know this, but have offered you this helpful summary to keep you informed when the women in your lives have their say on the matter. So to keep you up to date on this catfight, I've cut out the nonsense and provided a male-friendly guide to keep you informed when the inevitable conversation about this climactic feud arises.
With the release of Kanye West's latest album, "The Life of Pablo," it was up for debate whether West procured Swift's permission to use the following lyrics in his track "Famous":
"For all my Southside niggas that know me best
I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex
Why? I made that bitch famous."
West then further ruffled Swift's feathers when the music video for the song depicted a naked Swift sleeping next to West after what appeared to be the aftermath of an A-list orgy. Other celebrities depicted were: Chris Brown, Amber Rose, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump and so on.
Taylor's reaction to the video was just. She was -- according to a report -- "furious." The report was punctuated with the threat: "She's strategizing with her team as to what her next move should be."
However, the threat was empty. Swift did nothing. But Kim did, because of course she did. On last Sunday's episode of "Keeping up with The Kardashians," Kim insists Kanye was honest in following up with Swift and that Taylor was looking for "another way to play the victim."
With Swift's squeaky clean persona, fans were reluctant to believe Kim and Kanye, who are no strangers to controversy, and felt bad for sweet-as-pie Taylor Swift.
But then Kim dropped a BOMB on Snapchat. She released the recorded phone call of Swift giving Kanye permission to use her name and likeness in the song.
Here are some of the damaging excerpts:
Kanye: "All I give a fuck about is just you as a person and as a friend, I want things that make you feel good. "
Taylor: "That's sweet."
Kanye: "I don't want to do rap that makes people feel bad."
Taylor: "I mean go with whatever line you think is better. It's obviously very tongue in cheek either way. And I really appreciate you telling me about it, that's really nice."
Kanye: "I just had a responsibility to you as a friend you know, and I mean thanks for being like so cool about it."
Taylor: "Aw thanks. I really appreciate it. Even asking or seeing if I would be okay with it and I just really appreciate it. Like I would never expect you to like tell me about a line in one of your songs."
Boom. Roasted. Taylor's a liar.
Then the peanut gallery chimed in.
Like Chris Brown, who had this to say in the very public forum that is Taylor Swift's Instagram:
And Chloe Grace Moretz, who offered this highbrow remark addressing "everyone in the industry" which was clearly directed toward Taylor and Kim's feud:
Everyone in this industry needs to get their heads out of a hole and look around to realize what's ACTUALLY happening in the REAL world— Chloë Grace Moretz (@ChloeGMoretz) July 18, 2016
Rushing to the side of her family, Khloe Kardashian posted this NSFW image in response:
Thus sparking another celebrity squabble. One that I won't further address, because it kind of ends there. For now.
But the question remains: Can Taylor sue for being recorded? Sources claim Swift had NO idea West had her on speaker and recorded the call. As such, she believes Kanye had a legal duty to ask permission to record her, and by not doing so he violated the criminal law. According to these same sources, Taylor is still deciding whether she'll file a police report.
Taylor's camp is also saying the call between her and West lasted an hour and that Kim was very selective in what she posted. Taylor wants the entire conversation released, because she wants everyone to hear that Kanye never said he'd call her a "bitch" in the song. In this call, West also promises to send her an advance copy of the song, which he did not do.
So there you have it, folks. This whole ordeal is over Taylor Swift being called a bitch. That's it. But this shouldn't come as a surprise, as Swift is known to be very easily offended. Grow up, Taylor, you're famous and these things happen. Go cry into your piles of money.
And Kanye: you're still a dick.
Apple Computer Company (April 1)
Aside from the first laser printer (IBM), 1976 was the year The Apple Computer Company was established by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in April. Now one of the largest tech giants in the world having once been valued at nearly $800 billion, Apple is a flourishing multi-faceted tech competitor right alongside Google. This was one month after Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple I computer.
In other tech news, it was also the first year for the VHS tape recorder. You remember your freakishly large VHS collection, don't you?
"Rocky" Franchise Begins (November 21)
The start to Sly Stallone's heavyweight career began with his penning of the first "Rocky" script, stepping into the ring as Rocky Balboa himself. The film won Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Film Editing, but was also nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role (Stallone), Best Actress in a Leading Role, Best Actor in a Supporting Role (two different noms) and Best Writing, Screenplay. And who could forget Best Music, Original Soundtrack? Alright, so all the nominations. This, of course, sparked a slew of six films in total with Balboa exiting the ring and taking up the coaching mantle in the new "Creed" franchise.
"Robin and Marian" (March 11)
Fans who recently celebrated "Robin Hood: Prince of the Thieves" 25th anniversary can now celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Sean Connery-led original, starring Audrey Hepburn as Maid Marian. The film was directed by Richard Lester of the original Superman trilogy. Connery joined the cast at the end of the Kevin Costner-led "Prince of Thieves" as King Richard in 1991.
First Mars Landing (July 21)
NASA officials introduced its first space shuttle, the Enterprise, in 1976 and were joined by cast members of the "Star Trek" TV show. The late Leonard Nimoy was present. But even more exciting were the landing vehicles, Viking I and Viking II, on Mars after taking off in 1975. Viking I landed on July 21 and Viking II September 5.
"Taxi Driver" (February 8)
In addition to the scariest movies like "Carrie," 1976 was a big year for legendary actors like Robert De Niro. With "Mean Streets" and "The Godfather: Part II" in the bag, the "Cape Fear" actor gave us one of the most historic New York roles in film history. Both De Niro and Jodie Foster were nominated for their roles, as well as the film for Best Picture at the Oscars.
Patti Smith "Radio Ethiopia" (October 22)
The year 1976 was a solid year for classic musicians, with Bob Dylan's "Desire," Electric Light Orchestra's "A New World Record," David Bowie's "ChangesoneBowie" and Paul McCartney's "Wings at the Speed of Sound" all celebrating their 40th anniversaries this year. But Patti Smith in her prime was something to be reckoned with, as the New York poet took to music, started a group and gave us classic hits like "Gloria" starting in the mid '70s. Her debut album came in 1975, which can be heard now live as she tours with her band playing the "Horses" record in full at the age of 69. In 1976, she released her second album, "Radio Ethiopia."
"Charlie's Angels" (September 22)
The terrifyingly sexy trio of top-notch bikini-clad private eyes got its start in the fall of 1976. Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd and Kate Jackson gave us five seasons of classic undercover work for their boss, John Bosley (David Boyle), as well as several appearances by the ever-lovely late, Farrah Fawcett. The show ended in 1981 but was rebooted multiple times (2000, 2003) on the big screen and later again as a TV series in 2011.
Elton John "Here and There" (April 30)
As far as classic hits go, we got more than our fair share from Elton John in 1976 from his "Here and There" record, including longtime favorites, "Bennie and the Jets" and "Rocket Man." Elton John can be heard playing piano on the new Red Hot Chili Peppers record, "The Getaway."
"King Kong" (September 8)
Of all the big movie reboots, 1976's "King Kong" was probably one of the biggest (not just because of how huge he is!) of its kind. Having been done already in 1933, the 1976 feature starred Jessica Lange as the female lead, along with Jeff Bridges and Charles Grodin. The film was, once again, rebooted in 2005 with Naomi Watts.
U.S. Bicentennial (July 4)
In 1976, our good friend, America, celebrated its 200th birthday after gaining its independence from the British. In the same year, the $2 bill was issued, which sparked a lot of awkward exchanges of money with people who didn't know if they could spend them. The bill is out of print, but still lingers with awkwardness today, more so than ever. And 1976 was also the same year Howard Hughes died after years as a recluse.
Anyone who's ever watched an episode of "Jackass" assumes Steve-O is either out of his mind or a complete idiot (or both). But once you watch him do bouncy ball trick shots into Laura Lux's bouncy boobs, you'll realize he's the most brilliant man on the planet. For those of us who appreciate busty babes, Michael Jordan, geometry and slow-motion bouncing boobs, this is the ultimate. Thanks Steve-O (@officiallysteveo) for your impressive follow-through, and thank YOU, Laura Lux (@darthlux), for your awesome rocking cleavage.
Now, just for good measure, check out a couple more Laura Lux hot Instagram (@darthlux) photos.