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- 07/20/16--09:48: _This Is Why You Sho...
- 07/20/16--10:47: _Watch This Groom Ju...
- 07/20/16--10:59: _Calvin Harris Has M...
- 07/20/16--11:19: _Water Slide Loses F...
- 07/20/16--12:01: _Watch This Marathon...
- 07/20/16--12:47: _Volleyball Player W...
- 07/20/16--12:50: _Man Shoots Wife Eve...
- 07/20/16--13:40: _Homer Simpson's Mom...
- 07/21/16--04:09: _Today's Funny Photos
- 07/21/16--04:28: _10 Crucial Man Less...
- 07/21/16--04:50: _The Bizarre Origins...
- 07/21/16--07:55: _This Is How One Sta...
- 07/21/16--09:08: _Margot Robbie Sizzl...
- 07/21/16--09:34: _High School Wrestle...
- 07/21/16--10:38: _Laura Ingraham Deci...
- 07/21/16--11:25: _Here's A Bartender ...
- 07/21/16--11:53: _Weird News: Missour...
- 07/22/16--04:12: _Today's Funny Photos
- 07/22/16--04:17: _Friday Got Me Feeli...
- 07/22/16--04:41: _Captioning Queen El...
- 07/20/16--09:48: This Is Why You Shouldn't Try To Make Your Own Convertible
- 07/20/16--12:01: Watch This Marathon Runner Crush His Nuts When He Runs Into A Pole
- 07/20/16--12:50: Man Shoots Wife Every Day With Nerf Guns To Predictable Results
- 07/20/16--13:40: Homer Simpson's Mom Has A Bedtime Song To Keep You Raging All Night
- 07/21/16--04:09: Today's Funny Photos
- 07/21/16--04:28: 10 Crucial Man Lessons You Will Learn From 'Swingers'
- 07/21/16--04:50: The Bizarre Origins Of McDonald's Former Cast Of Characters
- 07/21/16--07:55: This Is How One Starbucks Barista Is Getting Revenge On Customers
- 07/21/16--09:34: High School Wrestler Uses John Cena's Finishing Move On Opponent
- 07/21/16--10:38: Laura Ingraham Decided To Give A Nazi Salute At The RNC Yesterday
- 07/21/16--11:25: Here's A Bartender Pouring 17 Jägerbombs At The Same Time
- 07/22/16--04:12: Today's Funny Photos
- 07/22/16--04:17: Friday Got Me Feelin' Like This Dog Jumping Into A Ball Pit
Not everyone can afford a convertible. Hell, nowadays it even seems like a luxury to own a car that gets you from point A to point B without completely breaking down in Murderville. But someone from Rotherham in the United Kingdom didn't let anything stop them from having the car of their dreams.
Take a look at what reaching for the stars can get you:
That's right. Someone actually made their own convertible.
The car had no insurance, however, so the police had to do the next logical thing:
Yep, this work of art was towed, and now some unlucky bloke is taking the bus to work. A bus with a roof.
The Rotherham Police even poked fun at the car, assuming the boiling hot weather encouraged someone to actually do this:
We know it's Summer, but Home-made cabriolets are not the answer. Pcso's locate this vehicle parked in Swinton 🌞🌞🚗🚗 pic.twitter.com/Zkv6d99udt— Rotherham North LPT (@RothNorth_LPT) July 20, 2016
Rest in peace makeshift convertible car.
This is one way to prevent your car from being towed: Chicago Tow Truck Tries Towing Jeep With Driver Still Inside
That love affair ended rather quickly.
They do things differently in China, and that's OK. Well, unless you're this bride who recently fell off the back of a scooter being driven by her new husband and then just stared at him drive away while she lay on the pavement:
I mean, I get that the young lady looks like she's on the petite side, but damn, dude. How could you not feel that your ride just got lighter by about 100 pounds?
Who knows? Maybe that's considered good luck in China, but I highly doubt it. Our guess is that if the newlyweds ever find themselves in a house fire, here's how that situation will probably play out:
Here's another wedding that got off to a smashing start: Groomsman's Epic Entrance Fail Damn Near Knocked Out Bridesmaid
If you've even taken a peek at Twitter recently you probably noticed the shitshow that went down involving Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian -- a shitshow that temporarily took the attention off Calvin Harris and his rants about Taylor.
But now that Taylor has left/dumped/split from Calvin in order to move on to Tom "Loki" Hiddleston, seems like Calvin has a new gal, as well: Tinashe.
Tinashe is a 23-year-old R&B singer, and while she isn't as popular as Swift, that doesn't mean we can't enjoy her hotness. Take a look at some of her best pics from her Instagram:
Probably best he moved on: 10 Secret Facts About Taylor Swift She Doesn't Want You To Know
You have to think a Dallas man would have been better off going on a massive hookers and blow bender instead of on a water slide near Lake Travis in Austin recently, and that's because instead of making it to the bottom of the slide, he sailed over the edge and fell to the bottom of a rocky cliff.
Luckily for David Salmon, he still has a pulse to go along with a broken arm and fractured ribs. And luckily for us, somebody was filming the moment he was launched out of the slide and over the edge of that cliff:
Salmon seems to be thrilled that he won't need surgery to repair his body, while you have to think whoever owns that slide has to be thrilled that it sounds like Salmon has no intention of suing the shit out of them.
Water slides are more fun for some than others: 17 Crazy Water Slide GIFs
Given the fact that the poor bastard who first ran 26.2 miles collapsed and died the instant he stopped running, you have to think that there is a little bit of crazy inside every marathon runner. I mean, not the "have sex with your pit bull in front of your neighbors" kind of crazy, but a "going to do something even though at one point, 100 percent of the people who did this died afterward" kind of crazy.
And if you've ever had the pleasure of watching a marathon or triathlon or any kind of race, you know that the participant's mindset is that every step and every second matters. That's why taking the inside edge on turns is a good idea.
Well, except when there's a checkered pole waiting around the corner that's the perfect height to crush your cock and balls if you plow into it. And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what happened to this poor guy in Belgium:
It's just so damn funny when it's not your nards.
Hey, in the words of a hysterical talking teddy bear named Ted, "That's what you get for fucking exercising."
h/t Barstool Sports
That's going to leave a mark: Probably The Worst Start You Could Possibly Have To A Foot Race
I'm sure not many of you rush out there to catch some indoor volleyball, but that's probably because you don't know about Winifer Fernandez, the volleyball player who is making everyone a huge indoor volleyball fan.
Winifer is a 19-year-old volleyball player for the Dominican Republic, and she can be see at the Rio Summer Olympics in a couple of weeks. But since we are all impatient and want our fix now, take a look at some of Winifer's highlights.
Do you get why everyone is talking about her now?
So now that you've seen that video and are now an avid volleyball fan for life, take a look at more of Winifer thanks to her Instagram:
And now here are three more reasons to enjoy this beautiful game that is volleyball.
h/t Bro Bible
Diving sure is fun: Kassidy Cook Is In The Running For Hottest U.S. Olympian
Nerf guns and accessories are a lot of fun...for about five minutes at a time MAYBE once a week. But start shooting them at your wife every single day for seven straight and the humor of being unexpectedly ambushed around every corner loses its luster. Well, for the wife at least. We just get to sit here and laugh as she gets increasingly angry with each passing shot. Maybe Nerf guns aren't so bad after all.
OK, we changed our minds; that was a minute and a half of nagging wife hell. Totally not worth it, dude.
(h/t The Chive)
Now, try them with fathers!: Watch This Dad Get Shot With A Nerf Gun Every Day By His Son
You may think the following YouTube video from Boyschica is just your typical "The Simpsons" clip at first glance. It certainly starts out that way. But hang in there for an epic bedtime lullaby for the ages.
Have you already played this clip at least 10 times by now? Us, too.
Related: Pausing 'The Simpsons' At Just The Right Moment Can Lead To Hilarious Screenshots
Here is one thing you should know about Thursdays: They are not nearly as cool as Fridays. I'm sorry, but someone had to say it. Fortunately, the internet does not punish Thursday for being shitty, and still brings us a plethora of funny photos that amuse and delight. Enjoy them all below.
Don't forget to follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
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"Swingers" is a staple for men looking to improve their game. Not just their game in dating, but in life. If you haven't seen it, it's about a guy in LA who is trying to get over his ex. They broke up six months ago, but Mike—the protagonist—just can't seem to get out of his funk. With the help of his friends, he is able to finally break free from the shackles of bad self-esteem and move on. Here are some lessons Mike learned through his journey, lessons that will help you, too.
1. Insecurity will pass, so don't act on it.
A consensus top pick for the cringiest moment in cinematic history belongs to Mike (Jon Favreau) calling a girl he just met at a bar. At this point, he is at the lowest of lows. His life is shit and he's desperate to find a girl to forget about his ex. Ignoring the "two day" rule, Mike leaves a total of six messages on her machine, culminating in her answering and saying, "Mike, don't ever call me again."
This scene paints the perfect picture of what NOT to do when you're insecure. Desperation is suicide in the dating world, basically chick repellent. If you act on insecurity to escape your insecurity, odds are you'll end up more insecure than ever after the inevitable rejection.
2. "What they respect is honesty."
This is a quote from Trent (Vince Vaughn), referring to women. In the movie, Trent plays the ultimate cad, a relentlessly optimistic pickup artist whom Mike often calls an asshole. According to Trent, what single women value most is honesty: "You see how they dress when they go out," he tells Mike in Las Vegas, "They want you to notice them. All you're doing is letting them know it's working."
In the end, even though Mike is still wading in bad self-esteem, he picks up Lorraine (Heather Graham) with a newfound brand of self-deprecation. Trent also outlines the cons of being too meekly respectful in the dating world: "You've got to get yourself off this respect kick. There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money and that you want to party." In sum, if your "respect" is based in insecurity, or not wanting to cause offense, all the single ladies can smell the lack of confidence.
3. If you're at a party and a girl asks you what kind of car you drive, lie.
If a girl is shallow enough to determine your worth based on your ride, respond with the ultimate shallowness. Lie like you've never lied before. When a stuck-up Hollywood bimbo asks Mike what kind of car he drives, he responds with, "A Cavalier," ending her interest. Superficial girls deserve superficial answers. He should've replied with, "A McLaren F1." Don't feel like you're a bastard for doing so, because she's an even bigger bastard to begin with.
4. Don't talk about puppy dogs and ice cream, because it's going to land you in the friend zone.
In the beginning of the film when Mike and Trent hit Las Vegas, they meet two cocktail waitresses. Trent has no problems, obviously, but when they end up back at the girls' place, Mike begins talking about his ex. He begins the sad puppy dog routine and the girls feel bad for him, putting the nail in his coffin. So says Trent, "You keep talking about puppy dogs and ice cream of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip."
5. "They know not to come back until you really forget."
Rob (Ron Livingstone) offers a series of wisdoms throughout the movie. One of which is at the beginning, when he and Mike are discussing Mike's ex. "You can't do anything to make her want to come back," Rob says. "In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back." He tells Mike to either forget about her or pretend to forget about her. Both suck, but both are the only options you have.
The rub, Rob says, is that once you actually move on, she comes back. The universe has a funny way of working when it comes to the game of relationship tag. In theory, finally forgetting about her will put you on higher ground, increasing your value. When she ultimately calls, the choice is yours to take her back.
6. Strive to be "the guy behind the guy behind the guy."
That is, in your professional life. When Trent and Mike are in Vegas, Trent tells a girl that Mike is "the guy behind the guy behind the guy." This is a lie, of course, and he's only trying to pique her interest. The point is that "the guy behind the guy behind the guy" is an ambitious man, one who plots all the moves. Basically, an executive or manager. Since most of us strive to reach higher and higher in our professional lives, the ultimate goal should be to be the guy behind the guy behind the guy.
7. "You don't look at the things that you have. You only look at the stuff that you don't have."
Once again, a sage Rob quote. He tells Mike this in the darkness of his apartment when he's depressed beyond all hope. The reason Mike is depressed, as the film conveys, is because he doesn't see the good things he has, only the bad. He sees the loss of his ex and his (relatively) unimpressive career as a comedian. But with perspective, he's living his dream in Los Angeles. You can always choose to look at your lot in life in a different way. Odds are it's not as bad as you think, and someone has it worse. Like Rob, who was turned down in his audition for Goofy.
8. Don't be that guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody's really hoping makes it happen. Be the guy in the R-rated movie.
"The guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet." Trent urges Mike to adopt this frame of mind in the bar while hunting for numbers. To clarify, he isn't saying to be an asshole. He's only saying to not give the impression that you're failing in the dating game, because girls will smell it.
Consider John McClane and Andy from "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." One is a badass who probably has no problem picking up women, and the other, as Dennis Reynolds would say, is "a pit of despair." One is a predator and the other has zero predator instinct. If you're on the hunt, be John McClane.
9. "Two days is industry standard."
"Swingers" offers a collection of philosophical dating rules. One of which is to wait two days after you get a girl's number to call her. (You saw how it went with Mike in No. 1.) Or, if you're feeling like John McClane, wait three days. If you're Trent, wait six days. The goal is to not seem desperate. Women will think you're a creep if you call too soon.
10. Learn to tell stories.
In the same way that telling a story can make you memorable after a job interview, stories make you memorable when it comes to dating. Learn to be a storyteller. Think of the best stories you know: stories from your childhood, stories like that time you almost died, or small amusing anecdotes from work. Just make sure it isn't boring.
For example, Trent is a master storyteller. Remember that scene in the trailer with Mike and those two girls? He tells a story about the time he made everyone cry during an acting audition. It's riveting. And he was victorious ... until Mike interrupts them to use a phone so that he can try to call his ex.
Looking back on the entire idea of McDonaldland, though, it's really f*cking weird. Like, were these guys on acid? To better prove my point, here are just SOME of McDonaldland's infamous landmarks: French fry bushes, Filet-O-Fish Lake, Apple Pie Trees, Thick Shake Volcanoes and, of course, the notorious Hamburger Patch.
While this place does sound like heaven to the McDonald's consumer (and future diabetics), you've got to admit it's a little weird. Especially considering the fact that they've trashed this entire idea -- including Ronald, for the most part -- and have since tried to become a classy establishment. This transition seems odd, akin to when free-spirited hippies of yesteryear grew up, trashed their beliefs, wore suits and worked in finance to support their families.
McDonald's classic commercials (which are horrific to watch now) were primarily comprised on a set resembling a child's television show with a narrator who'd explain McDonaldland's current events, which usually involved a "villain" trying to steal a promotional food item. These plans were always foiled by McDonaldland's resident hero and childhood terror, Ronald McDonald.
For some reason, this marketing gimmick really worked, especially with children, and sprouted various media as a result, including a child's magazine titled "McDonaldland Fun Times" and a made-for-TV movie, "McDonaldland Treasure Island". Video games based on the characters were also released.
But perhaps more bizarre than McDonaldland itself was its fantastical cast of characters. Want to know where the hell these bizarre creatures came from -- which includes a chicken trying to sell you her offspring in an English muffin? (Trust me, you do.) See below.
Fast food's most recognizable mascot has quite the lackluster backstory. Essentially, a man named Willard Scott, a very popular radio personality who also played a character by the name of "Bozo the Clown" on television was approached by McDonald's to create a character similar to Bozo but with a twist: he loved McDonald's hamburgers. A few years after Bozo's stint on television "Ronald McDonald, the Hamburger-Happy Clown" was born. Though this is popularly believed to be his true origins, the conceptualization of Ronald is still widely speculated.
Essentially, he has no whimsical backstory like the other character's do. He is the protagonist of McDonaldland and one of the most internationally recognized characters ever.
The beloved Grimace was McDonaldland's resident moron. Though loveable, he was initially introduced to audiences as "Evil Grimace," a then-creature whose primary mission was to steal (but ultimately promote) milkshakes with his four short, handless arms.
After McDonald's first campaign, the character was revised to a good guy in 1972 and, with that decision, his number of arms was reduced to two. Though he still favored milkshakes, Grimace became McDonaldland's reluctant comedian and would foil many of Ronald's plans due to his clumsy antics. He was a royal f*ck up, essentially.
As for what Grimace is, nobody really knows. Speculations range from insisting he's a taste bud to "the embodiment of a milkshake." To make things even weirder, the character has an Irish uncle -- Uncle O'Grimacy -- who first appeared in 1978 and would visit McDonaldland once a year around St. Patrick's Day to bring his beloved Shamrock Shakes.
Hamilton B. Urglar (originally coined the "Lone Jogger") was originally imagined as villain in 1971. Like Grimace, however, the Hamburglar was quickly re-imagined as a good guy. A good guy who liked to prank McDonaldland inhabitants and steal every burger and cheeseburger he could get his grabby mitts on. For a good guy, he was still a bit of an asshole.
But there's more. Hamburglar's appearance, as with his devilish tendencies, changed drastically in a year, going from a creepy, trollish old man who spoke only gibberish, to the pie-faced, ginger child we've better come to recognize.
VERY recently, however, images released by McDonald's depict the Hamburglar as a dreamy piece of man meat wearing very douchey attire. Nothing much has happened with this latest iteration, which was by all accounts an utter redundancy. A mistake.
Birdie The Early Bird
She was the first identifiably female character in McDonaldland and was introduced in 1980 to promote McDonald's new breakfast items, which is kind of morbid, isn't it? Birdie, a bird who lays eggs, was the chosen mascot to represent food that she is made from.
How Birdie made it to McDonaldland is, as with most things in this sketchy-ass town, incredibly bizarre. Get this: A giant egg mysteriously fell from the night sky one evening and into McDonaldland. Because Ronald is such a stand-up guy, he cared for the egg until it hatched. And when the egg hatched, Birdie emerged, and she was thrilled to discover Ronald's generosity and the fact that she had made so many good friends (add to that a bevvy of man-candy) that she became a permanent resident of McDonaldland.
Created to promote McDonald's french fries, the aptly named Fry Kids (formerly the Fry Guys, until McDonald's got PC and introduced female characters) are brightly colored pom-pom people, I guess. It's never really mentioned where they come from, nor do we ever hear of who their parents are. They don't really say that much, either.
They were originally named "Gobblins" (a not-so-clever play on "Goblins") because they'd "gobble up" other McDonaldland characters' french fries (get it? hilarious!) and, well, yeah, that's about it. They are totally redundant. But those french fries are damn good, aren't they?
Baristas seem to have short fuses, and you can't really blame them, as most of the time they are trying to put together drinks for crazed college girls who need their caffeine to live. So it's no surprise that sometimes baristas want to get revenge on their customers. Some do it by leaving insulting messages on the cup, while others speak the truth. But then there is the barista below.
Take a look at what Reddit User BeMyFuse does to the customers that really bother:
That's right. She just slaps a sticker over the Starbucks logo so that it ruins customer's Instagram pictures.
"My petty joy is putting stickers on the siren logo when annoying teenagers order millions of fraps at once so their Instagram posts are ruined ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's the little things," the barista explains.
This barista has no chill. No damn chill at all.
Free drinks for all: A Guy Figured Out How To Get Free Starbucks Everyday
Even if you're not a big fan of superhero-related films, you're probably a big fan of Margot Robbie, and you're going to be watching "Suicide Squad" just to watch her do her thing as Harley Quinn -- including licking a jail bar. You know, the usual.
It's all about Robbie's character in the latest "Suicide Squad" promo:
Now check more of her out here: It's All About Margot Robbie In Her Underwear In The New 'Suicide Squad' Trailer
Sure, Olympic champion Kurt Angle probably wouldn't be very happy about how this turned out, but one high school wrestler decided to abandon traditional wrestling and embrace the WWE by using John Cena's finishing move.
High schooler Tyler Curd of Oak Grove High School issued an Attitude Adjustment to his opponent during a match at the USA Wrestling Cadet/Junior Nationals in Fargo. Check out the move below shared by FloWrestling:
Hey, at least he didn't use his penis to win.
Cena better watch it: 8 Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Would Definitely Lose)
Well, here's one way to get people to vote for the other candidate.
According to Jezebel, conservative talk radio host Laura Ingraham made several bold life choices at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland last night. For starters, she decided to endorse Donald Trump. I mean, good luck with that.
But it was her decision to finish off her endorsement speech with a pretty deliberate Nazi salute to the crowd that probably has her podcast sponsors such as Amazon, Blue Apron, Betterment, Postmates, Aerocart, Lifelock, Casper, eVoice and others regretting their endorsement of her this morning:
So, yeah. That's a Nazi salute, kids.
We envision the meetings at Blue Apron this morning going something like this:
Blue Apron CEO Matt Salzberg: "Are we affiliated with that Laura Ingraham woman who gave a Nazi salute at the RNC last night?"
Random Blue Apron employee: "Actually sir, we sponsor her podcast."
Salzberg: "That's unfortunate."
I guess this also counts as political coverage for us: Donald Trump Finally Got A Wall Built...Around Himself
Other than a smoking hottie attempting to make out with the most women ever in my living room, this might be the most impressive and exciting world record I have ever seen.
Meet Philip Traber. To say he knows what he's doing behind the bar would be a bigger understatement than saying Kate Upton looks nice, as the dude recently set an unofficial world record by simultaneously pouring 17 Jägerbombs.
Warning: This is going to make you thirsty.
Traber's previous best was pouring 14 Jägerbombs at the same time, but I mean, who hasn't done that?
h/t The Huffington Post
Here's what happens after you down ten shots of Jäger: Florida Man Starts Bar Fire And Punches Old Man After Downing Ten Jäger Shots
And it all happened in broad daylight.
While the majority of Missouri residents were driving to work last Tuesday morning, one Missouri woman allegedly decided to get buck naked, steal a riding lawnmower and sit on her nude lover's lap while they took it for a joyride down a road just outside the city of Joplin.
According to 40-year-old Tanya Hooper and 55-year-old Larry Webster, they were skinny dipping in a nearby creek when another man jumped out of the woods and stole their clothes. Luckily, there was a working $5,000 orange lawnmower stashed in the woods for some reason, so they decided to ride that puppy back home instead of walking or calling for help.
According to police, that story is complete bullshit, and Jasper County Sheriff's Office deputies said the couple will be charged with felony stealing because they took it from the owner's yard and not the woods.
In a related story, purple hair on a 40-year-old woman has always been and should continue to be considered a huge red flag.
On second thought, I'm not really in that much of a hurry: Naked Florida Woman Arrested For Masturbating In Traffic
Frick yeah, it's Friday! Frankly, there is no better time to get your funny foto freak on. So get to it! (Oh, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram, please.)
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Hell yeah, it's Friday! I'll just let Wicket "the ball pit dog" take it from here:
I love the life I live. I live the life I love. ____________________________________ #morkies #ballpit #barkbox #bestwoof #buzfeedanimals #morkie #dogsofInstagram #dogsofminneapolis #furbaby #hipster #hipsterdog #huffpostgram #Maltese #petbox #Mashable #mashpics #instadog #onfleek #weeklyfluff #theEllenshow #todayshow #dog #puppy #pet #aplacetolovedogs #ruffpost #pets #animals #petstagram #petsagram
See y'all on Monday (maybe)!
Old women acting inappropriately is hit and miss, but mostly hit. We already got a taste of a foul mouthed Queen Elizabeth early last year in HBO's uproarious "7 Days in Hell," and it's not as if memes of the same nature haven't existed for years, but that doesn't make them any less funny. This particular batch just happens to be one of the more hysterical of the lot.
You know, I'm starting to think these might not be Queen Elizabeth quotes at all.
Speaking of sass: Bar In England Offers Help If Your Tinder Date Goes Horribly Wrong