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The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix

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These days there's no lack of available comedy for your fingertips, but finding the best comedians is another story. Of all the new standup specials, we've got 10 of the best streaming now on Netflix. You won't regret trying these, but you may piddle in your pants.

David Cross "Making America Great Again"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
The "Arrested Development" star gives us some clever jokes before getting right into the heart of political discourse with a clear-cut position, as educational as it is hilarious, about his stance on megalomaniacs.

Bo Burnham "Make Happy"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
Following up a hit Netflix debut, Burnham is back to making light of some dark topics, keeping it entertaining with his piano playing and youthful takes.

Patton Oswalt "Talking for Clapping"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
Landing right around the loss of his wife, we get a good look at some classic Oswalt, whose self-aware lifestyle involving drugs, clowns, crapping oneself and My Little Pony have never been so thought provoking.

Jim Jefferies "Freedumb"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
The "Legit" man is back with yet another special, getting political and talking Trump, gun and going pro-vaccination. Trust us, it's hilarious how these jokes play out.

Tom Segura "Mostly Stories"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
Talking naked dudes and naughty nurses, Tom Segura delivers another hefty special of laughs mixed with a bit of light racism, all of which are hard not to crack a cackle at.

Jimmy Carr "Funny Business"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
A blunt Brit all the way, we get into the business of funny with Jimmy Carr's epic one-liners and amusing anecdotes in the most deadpan way possible.

Hannibal Buress "Comedy Camisado"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
The slow-burn comic will have your laughs creep up behind you as he pulls sly and well-delivered stories about gambling, cuddling and just about anything else you might not expect.

Dwayne Perkins "Take Note"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
His Netflix debut is an educational one for most Americans, as Dwayne Perkins will have you taking notes, laying out America in the most brutally hilarious way possible, dissecting culture one real-life experience at a time.

Theo Von "No Offense"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
The Louisiana native heads home to serve up some offensive truths about love, Brad Pitt and loose chimps. In no time at all, you'll see why the special is titled the way it is.

Ali Wong "Baby Cobra"
The Best New Standup Specials Streaming on Netflix
She may not be preggers anymore, but she's still hilarious and even a bit sexy. Ali Wong is dropping bombs, one part feisty and three parts filth, and on the hunt for Mr. Perfect, but secretly just wants to be unemployed and talk dirty.

And these folks needs their own show: 12 Standup Comedians Who Deserve Their Own Show

 

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Rams And Cowboys Fans Get In Brawl Because Preseason Games Are Everything

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With just a few more weeks until the NFL regular season kicks off, St. Louis Rams and Dallas Cowboys fans are getting ready the best way they know how: by getting drunk and beating the shit out of each other. Nice job, guys.

Preseason games are so important to these two fan groups that a bunch of idiots decided to trade some punches in the stands. Check out the video below to watch America at its finest:


And here's a closer look at society's intelligence dwindling:

When alcohol gets the best of you #Rams #Cowboys #fight #miguelrecordedit

A video posted by Darrel Miramontes (@est1987dm) on


Fellas, if you're angry at how shitty your team is, just try making snide, passive-aggressive comments to your loved ones like I do.

h/t Bro Bible

More important members of the community: Rowdy NFL Football Fans Get Into Unnecessary Brawl Parking Lot

 

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26 Of The Funniest NFL Tweets To Get You Ready For The New Season

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It's almost time for a new NFL season, which means plenty of opportunities for your favorite players to blow huge moments and leave you devastated over your fantasy team for weeks to come! To help you prepare for that, here are 26 of the funniest tweets about the NFL from some very hilarious people. Enjoy!























Finally, let's close with this -- Richard Sherman responded to this tweet:

richard sherman karma tweet, richard sherman responds to fan on twitter
With this perfect picture:
More: When WAGs Go Wild On Twitter

 

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Girlfriend's Note About A Scary Bug In The Shower Has Quite The Payoff

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No one likes encountering bugs, especially when naked and vulnerable. But alas, that's the precise predicament this girlfriend found herself in during her morning shower. Never fear, however, as her gallant boyfriend was called upon to identify the creature and eradicate any similar threats to his lovely "babe." Such a quest shall be handsomely rewarded as well. That is, if we're interpreting all the diagrams in the following letter correctly.

bug in shower letter
I suppose it's possible she just plans to pinch the tip of his finger, but that hardly seems like a fitting reward for his efforts.

via Imgur

Subtlety is definitely not this guy's strong suit either: Girl Discovers Boyfriend's Love Letter Is Actually Code for Anal Sex Request

 

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Michael Phelps Is Having None Of A Local Arizona News Station's Questions

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Michael Phelps just arrived back on U.S. soil with his family after dominating once again at the Summer Olympics in Rio. So, Phoenix's "Good Morning Arizona" crew decided to ambush the gold medalist at the airport with some congrats and a couple questions. Let's see how that went:


"Cool to just see him, ya know."

Sorry, news anchor guy, but Phelps doesn't feel the same way about you. (h/t Ruin My Week)

More: Michael Phelps' Death Stare Just Became Everyone's Favorite Meme

 

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Seeing This Woman Poop In An Elevator Is As Disgusting As Advertised (NSFW and Gross)

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You might want to hold your breath for this one, because it's a doozy. Sorry, I meant poozy. But that cutesy description of the following video doesn't change the fact that it's pretty vile.

As far as having to go so bad that you simply couldn't hold it any longer, I suppose almost everyone has hit a similar breaking point at one time or another. But you just don't do what the woman below did. You find another way. Any other way, even if it means crapping yourself as you make a mad dash to the nearest restroom. Or garbage can. The scene was reportedly captured in China, and beyond what we've already said about it, it's pretty self-explanatory. Oh, and did we mention disgusting, because that's something you definitely want to know going into it.


That poor janitor.

h/t The LAD Bible

That may have been foul, but it's still not the strangest news to come out of China: You Haven't 'Seen It All' Until You've Witnessed A Man Fornicate With A Drain Pipe (NSFW)

 

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Twitter Had A Hell Of A Time At The Expense Of Donald Trump With #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots

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It seems like every morning I wake up there is a new hashtag trending that is poking fun at Donald Trump or something he has said, and every single one of them is gold. And you can't really blame the internet minds, as Trump has made it incredibly easy (far more than usual) recently. Once again, Twitter had a blast at the expense of Trump with this incredible hashtag: #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots.

Check out below for the most hilarious ways that Trump would explain movie plots:












h/t UPROXX

Thank the internet for this, too: Donald Trump Holds Up White Sign, Internet Launches Assault

 

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A Naked Donald Trump Statue Is Hanging Out In Major Cities

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Apologies in advance.

Now that you're still chuckling over Donald Trump and his explanations of some of the most popular movies, we'd like to take this time to share another Trump gem with you: just replace the laughs with vomit. Why? Because there's a naked Donald Trump statue out there.

The statue is currently residing in Manhattan, with identical statues also appearing in Los Angeles, Seattle, Cleveland and San Francisco. There is a plaque near Trump's feet that reads: "The emperor has no balls." Damn.

Check out the naked Trump statue below (heads up, he's very naked):


And here's the one in San Francisco:


The statues are signed Indecline, an anonymous anarchist street art group who have done controversial work in the past, too. You can watch a video of the naked Trump statue being created here.

And why did they portray Trump this way? Here's what Indecline had to say: "We decided to depict Trump without his balls because we refuse to acknowledge that he is a man. He is a small arrogant child and thus, has nothing in the way of testicles."

Pretty accurate.

h/t Huffington Post

Another masterpiece: A Genius Made A Portrait Of Donald Trump Using 500 Dick Pics

 

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Brazilian Synchronized Swimming Twins Bia and Branca Feres Are Rio's Sexiest Siblings

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That headline may be a mouthful, but it's totally worth it for the payoff. If you've been watching the Rio Olympics at all, you've likely noticed Brazil's synchronized swimming team, which consists of, among others, 28-year-old identical twin sisters Bia and Branca Feres. It should come as no major shock that all the attention being thrown their way has also lead to a major surge in Instagram followers, as their joint account has now racked up an impressive 400K fans and counting.




Speaking of "racking up," Bia and Branca are also quite popular in Brazil, as they gained a lot of media attention back home when they decided to get matching boob jobs back in 2011. They gotta keep things identical, after all. Here are a few more shots of the twins:








Ever the overachievers, Bia and Branca are also models and actresses in their spare time, meaning this is probably not the last time you'll be seeing their pretty faces. Thank goodness.

h/t The Lad Bible

Speaking of two being better than one: 'Sweet Valley High' Twins Are Back Together And They're As Hot As Ever

 

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What Your New York Rent Could Get You In These Other Places Around The World

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new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, new york city

The average New York City one-bedroom apartment costs $2,852 per month. We took this grandiose total and compared it with apartments -- both one-bedroom and two-bedroom -- in other cities across America and beyond. These figures come from Rent Jungle, current as of July 2016.

Prepare to be depressed.

Note: All numbers below are one-month figures.


COMPARING WITH OTHER U.S. CITIES

Pueblo, CO: $555
You could live in 5.1 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $684 (You could afford 4.2 two-bedroom apartments for NYC's one-bedroom price)
Total savings per month: $2,297


Fort Wayne, IN: $597
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, fort wayne indiana
You could live in 4.8 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $830 (You could afford 3.4 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,255


Davenport, IA: $633
You could live in 4.5 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $737 (You could afford 3.8 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,219


What You Could Buy With $2,219:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, gibson les paul deluxe 2015
Gibson Les Paul Deluxe 2015


Tulsa, OK: $684
You could live in 4.2 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $862 (You could afford 3.3 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,168


Little Rock, AR: $723
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, little rock arkansas
You could live in 4 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $876 (You could afford 3.3 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,129


Boise, ID: $771
You could live in 3.7 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $916 (You could afford 3.1 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,081


What You Could Buy With $2,081:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, snickers bars
1,387 Snickers Bars


Memphis, TN: $784
You could live in 3.6 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $896 (You could afford 3.2 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,068


Tallahassee, FL: $804
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, tallahassee florida
You could live in 3.5 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $847 (You could afford 3.4 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,048


Detroit, MI: $837
You could live in 3.4 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $958 (You could afford 3 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $2,015


What You Could Buy With $2,015:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, netflix logo
201 Netflix Subscriptions


Columbus, OH: $887
You could live in 3.2 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Two-bedroom: $1,056 (You could afford 2.7 2-BR apartments for NYC's 1-BR price)
Total savings: $1,965


COMPARING WITH CITIES OUTSIDE THE U.S.

Belfast, Northern Ireland: $884
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, belfast northern ireland
You could live in 3.2 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $1,968


Dresden, Germany: $939
You could live in 3 one-bedroom apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $1,913


What You Could Buy With $1,913:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, black labrador retriever
6 Labrador Retrievers


Florence, Italy: $1,128
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, florence italy
You could live in 2.5 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $1,724


Madrid, Spain: $1,214
You could live in 2.3 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $1,638


What You Could Buy With $1,638:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, oculus rift
An Oculus Rift for you and your friend


Liverpool, United Kingdom: $1,649
You could live in 1.7 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $1,203


COMPARING WITH THE THIRD WORLD

Tijuana, Mexico: $205
You could afford 7 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $2,647


Medellin, Colombia: $199
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, medellin colombia
You could afford 14 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $2,653


Damascus, Syria: $197
You could afford 14 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $2,655


Oskemen, Kazakhstan: $130
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places, oskemen kazakhstan
You could afford 22 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $2,722


Mogadishu, Somalia: $50
You could afford 57 apartments for NYC's price
Total savings: $2802


What You Can Buy For $2,802:
new york rent comparisons around the world, what your new york rent could get you in these other places
Two tickets back to New York City

 

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Today's Funny Photos

15 Stoner Confessions About Being High At Work

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Nobody likes a narc, which is why the following anonymous blurbs from Whisper from people who have gotten blazed before punching in are so awesome. No one technically knows who's getting high on the job, and yet it's safe to assume we're all doing it (but not me, because my boss is probably reading this intro). Anyways, read and compare as you have a few good laughs -- possibly while stoned.

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions

high at work confessions
h/t The Chive

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.


Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.

 

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Weird News: Ohio Man Arrested After Having Sex With A Van

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Yeah, that's not how you're supposed to fill 'er up.

According to The Smoking Gun, a 35-year-old Dayton man was arrested for public indecency Tuesday night after a concerned citizen witnessed him having sex with the front grill of a van parked in a neighbor's driveway.

man arrested after having sex with a van
Police said Michael Henson was only wearing gym shorts and shoes when they arrived on the scene, and he appeared to be "under the influence of some type of narcotic."

Let's hope that was the case because they were responding to a 911 call from a woman who said she saw Henson "pull down his shorts and expose his penis" before "placing" it "in the front grill of the van and humping it as if he was having sex with the van." He allegedly took the van to pound town "for a while" before stumbling over to a neighbor's yard and passing out.

The only possible positive spin on the story is that if you are Henson's dealer, it's obvious that you are slinging some pretty good shit.

Sometimes when you're in Ohio, you just want to poop on a van: Ohio 'Serial Pooper' Has Defecated On 19 Cars

 

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Nebraska Man Repeatedly Insults Cat After Mistakingly Eating Four Pot Brownies

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Here's a new way your sweet tooth can get you into trouble.

According to the Omaha World-Herald, a 53-year-old Omaha man unloading groceries from the backseat of his car Tuesday afternoon thought he hit the jackpot when he found a random bag of brownies next to his bags of purchased grub, but it turned out to be one of the worst days of his life when those brownies turned out to be laced with weed.

Omaha man mistakingly eats four pot brownies
Now, anybody who has ever consumed one pot brownie would tell you that after doing so, it often feels like you're having the best day of your life, man. But when you scarf down four of those fuckers, well, may God have mercy on your soul.

Unfortunately for the Omaha man, he partook of four of the brownies and began experiencing "bad anxiety." He called one of his kids who had borrowed the car earlier in the day, and he told his dad he was "pretty sure it was just marijuana in the brownies."

The man's wife called police and paramedics, who said the man's vital signs were normal despite the fact that he was "crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat a 'bitch.'"

The man's wife eventually put him down for a nap, and he's expected to be fine. His relationship with the cat might need a little work though.

This couple's dog found a bag of weed and then they blew it by calling the cops: A Dog In Mississippi Brought Home A Bag Of Pot

 

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13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

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I'm not married, but I'm going to assume from the misery I see painted on most couples' faces that marriage is rough. But even with that said, cheating is never the solution. And even though this woman was caught cheating at a baseball game and this dude was caught cheating thanks to Facebook, that still wasn't enough of a warning to stop the spouses below from cheating.

Thanks to Whisper we get to read these cheating spouses' darkest confessions.

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses

13 Dark Confessions From Cheating Spouses
Well, there's always this: English Woman Dumps Cheating Husband Using Massive Road Sign

 

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Probably The Most Embarrassing Putt Of All Time

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Anybody who has every watched golf on television has witnessed a pro miss a four-foot putt that even he or she would tell you should have easily found the bottom of the cup.

But missing a tap-in putt that is no more than two inches from the hole? Well, that has to be a first.

Meet Haru Nomura of Japan. She is representing her country in the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, and all she has to do is tap in this ball that's a mere inches away from the cup, and she'll par the 11th hole.

Let's see if she can do it:


Yikes.

Despite the putting gaffe, Nomura was tied for 12th and just four shots off the lead following the round. And hey, it's still more honorable than creating a media shitstorm after lying about getting robbed at gunpoint.

h/t Barstool Sports

Damn you, people. This is golf! Shooter McGavin Is Still Having Fun On The Golf Course 20 Years After 'Happy Gilmore'

 

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Couple Leaves A Totally Racist And Ignorant Comment As A Tip At A Virginia Restaurant

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Here's a life lesson: If you're going to have an issue tipping your servers, it's probably best you stay at home and stuff your face with some mac and cheese. And if you're a total racist and idiot, it's best you stay away from people all together. Unfortunately, the idiots in this story didn't do any of those things.

Sadie Elledge, an 18-year-old waitress who works at Jess' Lunch, in Harrisonburg, Virginia, was waiting on a couple who had ordered just two gyros and a salad. And all was fine and non-racist until the $26.11 bill came in and Sadie saw what the couple had left as a tip.

Check out what the tip was thanks to John Elledge's (Sadie's grandfather) Facebook:


"We only tip citizens." Yep. It was also signed "Adam Dart."

John posted a picture of the receipt on his Facebook where it went viral, causing the restaurant to pull surveillance video from the incident, and according to John the police got involved:

"The way I understand it, the woman who signed the receipt is at the restaurant this very second with the police," he told Huffington Post. "She's angry and the police are there. Apparently, she just signed the receipt. She didn't write the comment."

And if you're interested, Sadie is a U.S. Citizen, and her father was born in Honduras, while her mother in Mexico. Sadie also has some words for that couple:

"It doesn't matter whether I'm Hispanic or American or whatever you want to call it. I'm still a person and you should still treat me with respect."

And it has happened before: Some Douche Left A Horribly Racist Comment Instead Of A Tip At Thai Restaurant

 

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Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

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Now that you've dived into things you probably didn't know about Disneyland, it's time we learn some facts about some Disney. From more recent hits like "Inside Out," to classics like "The Lion King," even the biggest fans don't know some of the facts below. So kick back and read up, and make sure to take these facts in to your trivia team next time you see them -- you may start to finally get some respect from them (you won't).

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts

Impress Your Trivia Team With These Fantastic Disney Facts
Via The Chive

And then there's this doozy: 4 Points About Disney Movies That Will Change How You Think About Them Forever

 

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So I'm Pretty Sure This Olympic French Race Walker Just Pooped His Pants

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Thinking of having to walk long distance anywhere is enough to give me the runs, but it's not so bad for me since I'm not an Olympian. I'm also not on live TV. But the same can't be said for French race walker Yohann Diniz.

Diniz was taking part in the 50k endurance event, a 31 mile hell-trek, when something that appeared to look like poop began running down his legs. Take a look at proof of this thanks to this tweet:


And you didn't ask for it, but here's a closer look:

french race walker poops himself
Diniz was leading the race, which proves that if you want to win a medal you need to put everything on the back burner. Even taking a shit.

Unfortunately for Diniz, he did eventually collapse. Take a look at it below:

french race walker poops himself
Officials rushed to Diniz, but he got up on his own and continued the race.

Good for you, Diniz! No amount of shit will bring this dude, down.

h/t Deadspin

This has to be worse: MMA Fighter Craps His Pants All Over Ring After Getting Decked

 

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