If you talk to cops, prosecutors and other people who deal with crooks for a living, you'll learn that most criminals just aren't very smart. The masterminds you see on TV and in movies are few and far between in the real world, with regular robbers, muggers and murderers primarily being idiots. And when idiots try to get fancy, funny stuff happens. Take the art of disguise -- in real life, changing your appearance to get away with a crime never works right. In this feature, we'll run down 10 of the most ludicrous disguises that crooks have ever tried to pull off.
Gumby![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
The thing with disguises is that you don't want them to slow you down, because you are still committing a crime. So the idea of putting on a full-body Gumby costume to knock over a convenience store probably wasn't a good one.
Jacob Kiss (in full green clay boy regalia) and an accomplice went into a 7-11 in San Diego and told the cashier to open the register. Naturally, the employee thought that it was a wacky YouTube prank or something and didn't play along, but when Kiss started fumbling in his costume for a weapon he called the cops. They didn't take long to bring the duo in, and both men pleaded guilty to misdemeanor burglary.
Duct Tape![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
They say you can use duct tape for just about everything, but Ashland, Kentucky, man
Kasey Kazee maybe should have thought twice before wrapping it around his face as a disguise. In 2007, Kazee walked into Shamrock Liquors and demanded that the clerk open the register. Noticing that he didn't have a weapon -- and was wrapped in tape -- the man behind the counter grabbed a baseball bat and chased him out of the store. Cops picked Kazee up soon after, and he went into a
hilarious videotaped tirade where he denied being the "Duct Tape Bandit" even as cops pointed out the tape marks left on his face.
Old Man![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
If you remember the first "Jackass" movie, this one will look pretty familiar to you. In that, Johnny Knoxville and his cohorts got dressed up in staggeringly realistic old age makeup for the film's climax. Drug dealer
Shaun "Shizz" Miller was obviously inspired by that scene when he tried to dodge the cops in 2016. With a warrant out for his arrest, Miller spent several months wearing a disturbing-looking rubber mask that made him look 50 years older. Police had been staking out his mother's house but never paid much attention to the elderly gentleman, until one noticed something weird about his eyes and they stopped him to discover that he was holding $10,000 in cash. The mask came off and Miller was
taken into custody.
Spider-Man![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
Superheroes wear masks so that their enemies won't retaliate by attacking friends and family.
Daniel James Bradley of Merced, California, obviously didn't learn that "with great power comes great responsibility" from his Uncle Ben, so he put on a full Spider-Man costume to attempt a purse snatching in 2012. His crime stymied, Bradley started running the opposite direction down the street. The problem with wearing a Spider-Man outfit in public is that there's really no way to blend into a crowd, so it didn't take the fuzz too long to grab him. When asked to explain the costume, Bradley would only say it was "part of his disguise."
Cruella de Vil![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
One of the biggest no-nos in the criminal world is ripping off a place you visit regularly. So when
Shane Crisp decided to try and turn over a bookie, he knew that a disguise would be necessary. Instead of just throwing a bag over his head like a normal person, Crisp decided to get all dressed up as Cruella de Vil, the antagonist of Disney's "101 Dalmatians" franchise. With a red and black wig and leopard print dress, Crisp thought he wouldn't be recognized. Unfortunately, because he went in there every day, it was easy for the regulars to finger him to the cops.
Vegetation![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
Ghillie suits are used in the military for snipers, scouts and other soldiers who need to blend into the background. They're pretty bulky and uncomfortable, but that didn't stop a thief named
Gregory Liascos from donning one in a bizarre attempt to steal a chunk of gold from Oregon's Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks. Liascos cut a hole in the bathroom of the museum over the course of several days and then hid out in nearby woods in his moss-covered disguise, only to be foiled when a police dog sniffed him out. He pleaded guilty to the scheme and got 16 months in prison.
A Bucket
When you get down to it, a disguise really just has to do one thing: hide your face. But
Richard Boudreaux, a 23-year-old scofflaw in Slidell, Louisiana, took things a little too far. When he went to rob a seafood restaurant that he used to work at, Boudreaux realized that it would be easy for the other employees to identify him. Without anything to cover his head, the brazen robber picked up a gray bucket and popped it on his head. Sure, nobody could see in, but he also couldn't see out, and surveillance footage shows him stumbling blindly around the place. Amazingly, he got away with $350 but cops tracked him down soon afterwards.
Smurfs![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
Most of these bad disguises are just one dude with a dream, but a 2013 incident in Melbourne, Australia, pushed things to a whole new level.
Four dudes dressed like Smurfs -- complete with full body paint -- walked into a convenience store and demanded that a fellow customer light a cigarette for them. When he refused, they proceeded to beat the hell out of him. This bizarre assault from a group of Smurfs significantly more than three apples high was caught on camera, and the four turned themselves in to the cops the next day. Why did they do it? Why were they dressed like Smurfs? The world may never know.
A Black Guy![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
Disguising yourself as a member of another race is some truly next-level crime, and
Conrad Zdzierak nearly got away with it. The Ohio native robbed four banks, a pharmacy and a credit union wearing a seriously realistic African-American mask, and it was so believable that the police actually arrested a black guy and brought him into a lineup, where witnesses identified him! Unfortunately for Conrad, his girlfriend found his crime kit and realized her man was up to no good, so she called the cops and turned him in. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison for his dirty deeds, and the wrongfully accused man got a profuse apology.
Lemon Juice![The Craziest Criminal Disguises]()
Let's end this with one of the weirdest, dumbest disguise attempts we've ever heard of. In 1996, a dude named
McArthur Wheeler walked into Fidelity Savings Bank in Pittsburgh, PA, and demanded money from the teller. Later the same day, he robbed a Mellon Bank as well. So where's the disguise, you ask? Well, when the surveillance footage hit the nightly news and Wheeler was quickly arrested, he was quite confused, protesting to cops that they couldn't know it was him because he "wore the juice." Before his crime, Wheeler had soaked his face in lemon juice, because if you write on a paper with lemon juice it makes "invisible ink." By the transitive property, it should have made him "invisible" to security cameras. Needless to say, that doesn't work at all and he spent a few years in jail for his idiotic disguise attempt.
