WWE Pokémon Go Is The Latest Craze You Likely Don't Even Know About

September 2, 2016, 5:51 am

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WWE Pokémon Go might not be a thing yet, but in a very secret beta testing, I got to try out the game before it was even announced to the general public. It certainly has some flaws, so I wanted to give an honest review. Here's my experience with WWE Pokémon Go.


As soon as I started, a wild Bray Wyatt popped up! I was really excited because he's one of my favorites, but then something bizarre happened.


A wild John Cena flew in out of nowhere and destroyed the Bray Wyatt??


I guess my first WWE Pokémon is a John Cena. His CP was really high for my first one, but whatever. That's a good problem.


I walked a little farther and nearly jumped for joy when I spotted a wild AJ Styles. I had been spotting him on small streets for a while, but as soon as he popped up on a major street, I knew I had to capture him.


But AGAIN, a John Cena showed up and beat up my AJ Styles. I didn't want another John Cena, but apparently that's what I'm getting.


You know how Pidgeys pop up constantly in Pokémon Go? That's how often Roman Reigns pops up in the WWE version. They're just everywhere, and it's nearly impossible to avoid them.


I finally decided to capture one, but the app alerted me there was a mandatory wellness test about to take place, and the Roman Reigns immediately ran off.


I spotted a lot of good ones, but the real excitement started when there was a rumor of a CM Punk sighting!


I thought I saw him and clicked on it, but apparently CM Punk doesn't show up in the app either.


It seems like the only thing that consistently spawns in the game is John Cena. Even if you're catching something else, a John Cena shows up and takes its place.


Every other WWE Pokémon in the game has a very low CP except for pretty much all the John Cenas and the Brock Lesnar, which only shows up for big fights, crushes the opponent and then disappears.


After a lot of searching, I finally came across the one I had been looking for: a Seth Rollins! I was so nervous as I threw the PokéBall toward him. It landed and I held my breath as it counted one...two...


Then a Triple H came out and destroyed him. Now the app just shows Triple H and Stephanie laughing every time I open it. I don't know if this is part of the game or some kind of glitch. It's bizarre.

Overall, it's not a terrible game, but I really wish I could see more of the other stars instead of constantly being bombarded by Triple H and John Cena. Seriously, give me anybody else. Well, anybody except Dean Ambrose.

 

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Guys, We Suck At Tinder, So Let's Fix That With Advice From 10 Women

September 2, 2016, 6:45 am

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Let's talk Tinder, shall we? It is by far the most popular and influential dating app available to singles (hence all the copycats manufactured in its wake), and it's actually the app where I found my fiancee. I guess in a way I'm tangible proof that the app can be used for something besides entertaining yourself while taking a shit.

But guys, we're not doing Tinder right. Actually, we're pretty bad at it. Women I know share their Tinder experiences with me in casual conversations and damn. Just damn. What the hell are we doing? Instead of treating women like decent human beings, we instead interact with them as if they're sex objects.


Guess what? Chicks don't dig that! A good friend of mine recently shared a screenshot of her latest interaction on the app and you know what a dude said to her as his opener? "Yummy."

That's all he said. He addressed her like I do an ice cream cone. How's she supposed to react to that? Do you agree with him, like, "You bet I am!"


If she DOES choose to interact after such a lame, impersonal opener, I guess that opens him up to sending over a dick pic. Because that's exactly what this dude did.

After speaking with her about these kinds of interactions (of which there are many and almost always include dick pics), I decided to speak with women to determine what men should do to make them more attractive on the app. Since there are more men on Tinder than women, plus the fact that men are three times more likely to swipe right, women have all the power. So let's give the ladies what they want.


1. Women want a stand-up guy, so be a stand-up guy
Men: please take off those sunglasses in multiple shots, and make sure you include ALL of your face, not half. Don't try to draw us in with your "sexy" car, or come onto us with sexual comments right out of the box.

If you're going to ghost on us, just let us know you're not interested, don't disappear. Most importantly though, stand up for your gender. Make us believe there are loads of good guys out there. Take the higher road. – Paula, 40


2. Don't let your profile reflect your vanity
Do NOT include any self-indulgent selfies at the gym or in the bathroom. They are a complete turnoff. It screams "I'm immature and all I care about is myself!" – Roxanne, 31

3. Don't make women guess with your profile
First and foremost: DON'T send dick pics. They're not cute. Don't make your first picture a group photo, because I'll just assume you're the least attractive one. And when you're writing a profile in such a limited space, give me something to work with, let me know something about you. – Sarah, 27

4. Take things off Tinder ASAP
Keep your opener short and sweet. Be an Alpha, don't chase me. Then, when you have me, get off Tinder! Let's exchange numbers and get to texting. After we've been texting a bit and things seem to be going well, ask me out, schedule something and stick to it. – Danielle, 27


5. Show your interests in photos
A picture says a thousand words, so try using photos that tell a story and describe a bit about who you are. If you like animals, make sure there is a photo with you and your pet, or if you are an outdoorsy type, include a photo of you doing an activity outside. You need to have something that will appeal to me so we can have a conversation. – Nikki, 47

6. Talk "to" her, not "about" her
Instead of saying something perverted (like most do), say something related to what I've offered in my profile. Actually ask me questions, get to know me. If I'm providing a ratio, it should be 25 percent about you and 75 percent about me. As for a closer, ask me out for coffee that week, the longer it's delayed the more likely this meet-up won't happen. – Brenda, 36


7. Do WHATEVER you can to not come across creepy
I actually have plenty of advice. So much, in fact, that I've written an itemized list. See below.
1. Avoid the low angle car selfie. It looks like you're trying to give a POV from a blow job. No fanks
2. Smile. Easy fix
3. Take off your sunglasses. In case I go missing on our Tinder date I need someone to be able to ID the perp
4. Avoid wedding photos - especially if they were from your own wedding. I'd like to know you own a suit that wasn't rented for your college roommate's wedding
5. Keep group photos to a minimum. Where's Waldo?
6. Have a good friend take pics of you doing things you like
7. Dogs.
8. Write a bio. It makes it look like you're serious about meeting someone
9. Avoid first comments being about looks. It's creepy
10. Keep emojis to a minimum
11. Ask questions. Show you're interested but keep it light – Libby, 26


8. Reveal your intentions early on
Don't take pictures with other women, it looks like you're a player. Don't hint at anything sexual until I've met you in person. Let me know your true intentions on the app before I get too invested. If you want to hook up, that's cool, but I'm looking for something different. Let's not waste each other's time here. – Bonnie, 28

9. Be complimentary, not creepy
It's SO easy to be complimentary instead of creepy. I don't get why guys elect the creepy approach when it's so much easier (and better accepted) to be kind and complimentary.

Instead of saying I'm sexy, say I'm beautiful. Instead of taking a dick pic, take a picture with your pet. Instead of talking about your interests, inquire about mine. There aren't many women on Tinder seeking a sexual relationship, so try being a decent person instead and I'm sure you'll be far more successful. – Krista, 30


10. Don't be a Casanova
There's nothing I hate more than a smooth-talker. These guys have perfected the craft at talking to women for the sole reason of getting into our pants and I can see through it right away. If your opener reads like a modern Shakespearean play, I'm not into it.

If your main image is shirtless, I see what you're trying to do and I won't bite. You are presenting yourself as a sexual object, not a person. I understand that all of this can be evidence of one's confidence, but most of the time, it's nothing but cockiness. – Leanne, 34

Now have at it.


But hey, these gals got right swipes: Witty Tinder Profiles That Instantly Got A Right Swipe

 

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17 Confessions From People Who Farted At The Worst Moment

September 2, 2016, 7:03 am

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If you have a big crush on someone try to remember that that person has probably farted. Numerous times. Maybe even around you. And that's because everyone farts. It is a way of life -- even our founding fathers got together and had a grand old fart fest. Plus, the word "fart" is hilarious because we are all six-year-olds. The funniest thing about farts? When someone else does it, and that's why the confessions below of people who farted at the wrong moment is so perfect. Check them out thanks to Whisper.


































The more you know: 12 Very Interesting Facts About Farts

 

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Mom Uses Drunk Photo Of Daughter To Make Best Birthday Cake Ever

September 2, 2016, 7:21 am

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I'm down to eat most types of cake since stuffing sweets into my mouth will always be my favorite activity. And while I can always look forward to a classic ShopRite cake from my mom on my birthday, the mom in this story decided to go a different route when it came to her daughter's birthday cake, and we have to admit that it was the best route to take.

For her 18th birthday, Twitter user Abbi Price's mom went through her Facebook in order to get a photo she could use for her birthday cake. And the photo she chose? You got it, one where Abbi was drunk as hell and head deep in a toilet. Aren't moms the best?

Let's first take a look at the photo her mom chose:


We all know that feeling.

Now let's see that glorious cake:


Masterpiece.


A true work of art.

Still haven't got over my birthday cake😭😭 pic.twitter.com/nAcDyUp5Wk

— abbi price (@abbiprice_) August 30, 2016

Let's wait and see what Abbi's mom pulls out of her hat for her daughter's 21st.

h/t Distractify

These are a tad different: The Dirtiest Cake You've Ever Seen And Will Ever See (NSFW)

 

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Guy Tries World's Spiciest Noodles, Immediately Goes Temporarily Deaf

September 2, 2016, 7:38 am

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Here's a lesson for all you kids: When you try the "world's spiciest" anything there is a big chance that nothing positive will come out of that situation. Which is why we weren't too surprised to see what happened when these two girls ate some Carolina Reaper peppers.

And yet, the guy below, a food enthusiast (Awesome Eats), wasn't too enthused when he traveled to Indonesia and took a stab at what he calls the "world's spiciest noodles," made with 100 bird's eye chilies. Now, let's see how that turned out for him.


In conclusion, stay away from food that can possibly be the death of you.

h/t Barstool Sports

Or you can try these: These Hottest Hot Sauces Will Burn Your Life Down

 

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10 People Who Were Mistakenly Declared Dead

September 2, 2016, 7:50 am

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Back in the 18th century, one of the things that people were most terrified of was being buried alive. The invention of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation planted the idea in people's heads that even if they looked deceased, they could still be alive in there. One would think in the modern age that being declared dead without actually being dead wouldn't happen, but guess what? It does, all the damn time. Here are 10 stories of living people who refused to go quietly into the grave.

Judy Rivers

The federal government has something called the Death Master File, which sounds like the name of a kick-ass anime series but is really just a boring list of every single dead American citizen ever. When you get added to it, you lose your Social Security benefits, don't have to pay taxes, et cetera. Communications specialist Judy Rivers learned all about it in 2010 when she was accidentally added to the Death Master File despite being alive, and it ruined her life. She was unable to open a bank account or get a line of credit. Things got worse for her when Rivers was actually arrested for identity theft -- of her own identity! At her lowest point, Rivers had to live out of her car for six months as she dealt with getting her name off of the list. Thankfully, she was able to set things right and testified before Congress on the problems with the system.

Donald Miller Jr.

You can't blame the state of Ohio for declaring Donald Miller Jr. dead. In the early 1990s, owing thousands of dollars in child support, he mysteriously disappeared. His ex-wife, unable to locate him, applied for him to be considered deceased so their daughters could receive his Social Security benefits. After an attempt to locate him, the court agreed and everything was fine until 2013 when Miller showed up and applied for a driver's license. He had just been drifting through the Southeast for 20 years, working under the table. Here's where it gets weird, though: Even though he was standing in front of them, the Ohio court wouldn't reverse their decision.

Carlos Sanchez Ortiz De Salazar

Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. So when Spanish psychiatrist Carlos Sanchez Ortiz De Salazar disappeared in 1995, his friends and family thought he'd committed suicide and had him declared dead a few years later. They were in for a bizarre surprise when a pair of mushroom pickers in northern Tuscany stumbled upon De Salazar's wilderness camp in 2015. He has been living alone in the wilderness since 1997, and told a park ranger that he was going to disappear somewhere else now that he'd been found. His family, naturally, aren't terribly happy about that and have committed to tracking him down and bringing him back to civilization.

Carlos Camejo

If you had to define the most nightmarish possible scenario, "waking up during your own autopsy" is pretty high up there. Venezuelan man Carlos Camejo got into a nasty traffic accident in 2007 and was declared dead on arrival to the hospital. He was trucked down to the morgue for the customary autopsy when the coroners noticed that something was a bit off. After an incision in Camejo's face started bleeding excessively, they realized that he was actually still alive and rushed him back to a room for alive people. He got a fresh new facial scar from the whole ordeal but at least they didn't remove anything important.

Clairvius Narcisse

When we talk the living dead, the topic invariably turns to zombies. But they're not real, right? The case of Clairvius Narcisse might persuade you otherwise. The Haitian man was admitted to Haiti's Albert Schweitzer Hospital in 1962 with a bad fever and pronounced dead two days later. He was buried in a cemetery near l'Estere, but his body was dug up a few days later and disappeared. Narcisse had been the victim of a poisoning, and his assailant gave him the antidote and kept him drugged and enslaved on a sugar plantation until he died in 1980. Narcisse escaped, slowly regained his mental faculties, and shared his bizarre story with the world that considered him dead.

Ishinosuke Uwano

A pervasive World War II urban legend is the story of a Japanese soldier stationed on a remote island who never learns of Japan's surrender and stays at his post for decades. The story of Ishinosuke Uwano isn't quite so absurd, but it's still pretty amazing. Stationed on Sakhalin Island, when the war ended Uwano moved to the USSR, and eventually settled in Ukraine where he married a woman and fathered three children. Japan declared him officially dead in 2000, but six years later he shocked the world by showing up at the Japanese embassy in Kiev. He announced that he wanted to finally head back to Japan to see his family.

Lal Bihari

If you want to put one over on someone, having them declared legally dead is a pretty next-level prank. In 1975, Indian farmer Lal Bihari went to his local government office to get a proof of identity certificate for a bank loan. He got a rude surprise when the clerks there told him that he was dead and couldn't have one. Apparently Bihari's uncle had gone in a few years ago and told them that he had died, leaving him next in line to claim his family property in Khalilabad. It took him nineteen years to convince the government that he was alive, and he founded the Uttar Pradesh Association of Dead People to help other people in similar situations come back to legal life.

Maria de Jesus Arroyo

Remember how we talked about being buried alive a little bit ago? Get ready to freak out, because it's still happening -- sort of. In 2014, an elderly Boyle Heights, California, woman named Maria de Jesus Arroyo suffered a severe heart attack and was pronounced dead at White Memorial Medical Center. Her body was placed in a bag and brought to the morgue, but while she was there Arroyo actually woke up -- not being dead after all -- and tried to claw her way out like something out of "The Walking Dead." Her frail body couldn't handle the shock and she died a second time for real in the morgue, but her family is suing the hospital.

Terri Thompson

For her entire life, doctors have been telling Terri Thompson that she's not likely to make it. Diagnosed with a rare blood disease called hypogammaglobulin anemia at a young age, it was unlikely that she'd live beyond her 25th birthday. She doubled that estimate, but at the age of 49 was shocked to discover that even though she was alive and well, the government had gone ahead and declared her dead. When she went to the bank in 2009 to get some money, the teller said that the bank had received a notice that she had passed away and returned her Social Security check. Her health care benefits were also canceled, leaving her no way to get her medication. Thankfully, she was able to get enough media coverage to get her early death reversed.

Delimar Vera Cuevas

Let's end this with one of the most screwed up stories we've ever heard. In Frankford, Pennsylvania, the home of Luz Cuevas caught fire in 1997. All of Cuevas's family made it out alive except for her daughter Delimar, only 10 days old. No trace of her body was found, but it was obvious that the raging inferno had totally consumed the infant. Fast forward to six years later when Cuevas saw a strangely familiar little girl at a birthday party. She sneakily grabbed some of the child's hair and took it to a DNA lab, where they confirmed a match. Luz's cousin by marriage Carolyn Correa had kidnapped the baby, started the fire to hide the crime, and raised the child as her own in New Jersey. She pleaded no contest and got nine to 30 years in prison.

 

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Amy Schumer Throws Out Heckler Who Really Wanted To See Her Boobs

September 2, 2016, 7:58 am

≫ Next: A Bunch Of Hot College Girls Are Now 'Yeti Butting' And We Aren't Complaning

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There are a lot of strong opinions when it comes to Amy Schumer -- some people love her and her brand of comedy, while other people can't stand her or anything that comes out of her mouth. Add the fact that she continues to see success, and that just rubs people the wrong way for some reason. And yet, regardless of how you feel about her or any other comic, there really isn't a reason to ever heckle one. But that's exactly what one idiot did.

While doing a show in Stockholm, Sweden, a heckler decided to yell this only a few minutes into the set: "Show us your tits!" Because grown men are still saying that in this day and age. And of course, it didn't end well for the guy. Check out Amy's reaction below:


So this dude paid for a ticket only to yell something dumb and become a strong nominee for "tool of the week." Good going, man.

h/t FHM

Amy takes over Tinder: Amy Schumer Took Over A Woman's Tinder And The Results Are Hilarious

 

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A Bunch Of Hot College Girls Are Now 'Yeti Butting' And We Aren't Complaning

September 2, 2016, 8:35 am

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A new week, a new trend, and this time it comes from those college gals out there who are doing everything in their power to think up of new distractions to keep them from studying. But hey, we aren't whining at all. It's time to learn about "Yeti Butting."

😍😩🍑 #yetibutts #yetibuttsdaily #yetibutt

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 23, 2016 at 7:47am PDT

It's pretty simple: College gals in bikinis take a seat on a Yeti cooler, and one of their pals takes a picture of them from behind, showcasing their ass. Yep. That's it, folks. There is even an Instagram that shows these type of pictures. And of course, you get to view some of them here.

Take a look at some gals doing their best "Yeti Butting."

😍😩🍑 #yetitumbler #yetibuttsdaily #yeticoolers #yetiboobs #yetibutts

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 29, 2016 at 9:39pm PDT

God damn 😍🍑😩 #yeti #yetibutt #yetibutts #yetiboobs #yeticoolers #yetibuttsdaily #yetitumbler

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 28, 2016 at 11:37pm PDT

Go blackhawks😍😩🍑 #yetiboobs #yetibutts #yetibuttsdaily

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 28, 2016 at 7:30pm PDT

😍😩🍑 #yetibutts #yetibuttsdaily #yetibutt

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 23, 2016 at 12:38pm PDT

Rush Week coming to you live 😍😩🍑 #yetibuttsdaily #yetibutts #yetiboobs #rushweek

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 28, 2016 at 7:32pm PDT

😍😩🍑 #yetibutt #yetibuttsdaily #yetibutts

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 28, 2016 at 10:30am PDT

😍😩🍑 #yetibutts #yetibuttsdaily #yetibutt

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Aug 23, 2016 at 8:03am PDT

😍😩🍑 #yetibutt #yetibutts #yetibuttsdaily

A photo posted by Official Yeti Butts (@yetibuttsdaily) on Jul 27, 2016 at 3:56pm PDT

Now enjoy this: BootyFlipCup Is The New Trend You Won't Have An Issue With At All

 

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When Last Names On Sports Jerseys Sync Up Hilariously

September 2, 2016, 10:59 am

≫ Next: 'Doom' Featuring Nothing But Grunting Tim Allen Is Easily The Stupidest Thing You'll Ever See

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Last night, Louisville receiver Traveon Samuel and quarterback Lamar Jackson combined jerseys to make the funniest name combination in recent memory. But that's only because it happened yesterday. You see, this sort of thing pops up all the time. And yet, it never ceases to generate a laugh. That's probably because the joke is so simple, it's hard not to chuckle at without even thinking much about it. You'll figure that out in a hurry as you browse through the following collection.




















And for the truly NSFW crowd:




via SB Nation

These aren't half bad, either: Funny Customized NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB Jerseys

 

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'Doom' Featuring Nothing But Grunting Tim Allen Is Easily The Stupidest Thing You'll Ever See

September 2, 2016, 4:44 pm

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Let me make this perfectly clear: This is a complete and utter waste of your time. But I'll be damned if it's not the funniest waste of time I've ever sat through (for nearly five minutes) in my life. What you see is what you get, and what you get is a version of the video game "Doom" where every texture and sound file has been replaced by Tim Allen from "Home Improvement." Literally everything. And it's all thanks to YouTube user Marisa Kirisame.

All that said, if this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, please walk away now while you have some dignity left.


If it's any consolation, at least the headshot they used is autographed. That's kinda cool, right? Right?? AEUHHH????

h/t The A.V. Club

Related: It's Impossible Not To Laugh At The Tourette's Guy Song Mashup

 

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The 10 Greatest Fictional Companies On Television

September 5, 2016, 5:03 am

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The escapism of television viewing serves as a distraction from our day to day work lives. It is curious, then, that we spend so much time watching TV characters at work. But since there are no bosses overbearing us or deliverables approaching their deadlines from our side of the screen, it seems preferable to reality. We've gotten to know many an onscreen workplace over the decades, reflecting or refracting our own. Here are 10 great examples.

Dunder Mifflin, "The Office"

Trying with all its might to shine under the giant shadow of competitors like Staples and Office Depot, Dunder Mifflin, the paper and office supply company, has a secret weapon at its Scranton, Pennsylvania branch--manager Michael Scott. Unfortunately, due to his ineptitude and starvation for attention and acceptance, that weapon is usually pointed directly at itself. Though the collected demeanor of the NYC corporate headquarters may belie the lunacy going on at regional offices, even some of Scranton's behaviors make for interesting debate among the organizational development set. Among them: How do you handle sexism in the office? Is it bullying if one co-worker puts the other's possessions in a vending machine? How does a manager best apologize when they hit a subordinate with their car?

In the limited space provided here, though, perhaps finding answers to these questions may be too hard to grapple with. At least that's what she said.


TelAmeriCorp, "Workaholics"

Life in Rancho Cucamonga might be just as unappealing as its six syllables suggest, so it would only make sense that the same could be said of its workplaces. High on that list shines TelAmeriCorp, the telemarketing company that has trapped the drones of "Workaholics" within its trench-like system of cubicles. Thankfully, the boisterous spirits of the Comedy Central sitcom's three obnoxious heroes are impervious to the effects of this soul-crushing environment. As a matter of fact, TelAmeriCorp might just be the perfect place for their unmeritorious work ethics. Selling one product over the phone after the next like a passionless QVC might seem like rock bottom for a TelAmeriCorp employee, but there is way further to fall here as any corpse mistaken for a slumbering slack could tell you (after its co-workers have defile her head with food and genitals as the ultimate office prank gone wrong, of course).


Vandelay Industries, "Seinfeld"

Fictional squared is a great way to describe Vandelay Industries, a company so controversial it only exists inside the head and occasional tall tale of television's most lovable sociopathic loser and former hand model George Costanza. Whether they import snack chips or long matches, export diapers or simply manufacture latex, it's clearly all up for a dizzying debate. Lies come second nature to George as he rolls on through life, but when those lies feature Vandelay Industries--or just its CEO Art Vandelay--they take on truly monopolistic proportions.


Acme, "Looney Tunes"

Speaking of monopolies, when it comes to product manufacturing, in Looney Tunes cartoons, Acme is the only game in town. Though we've never actually seen the company's catalog firsthand, it seems a significant portion of their business is used to hunt road runners. Acme Jet-Propelled Pogo Sticks, Acme Dehydrated Boulders, and Acme Earthquake pills only scratch the surface of what is available for purchase, sometimes with same minute delivery (a feature even Amazon.com, with an armada of drones, couldn't dream of accomplishing.) Yet somehow, even though Acme is derived form the Greek word for "prime," one product after another leads to some sort of elaborate failure. We imagine their PR would chalk these up to user failure, particularly if that user is a coyote.


Yakonomo Corporation, "True Blood"

We're not sure what other products are in their portfolio, but when it comes to synthetic blood, the Yakonomo Corporation has made a killing. TruBlood, consumed by vampires the world over, is the company's crowning achievement and enabled this maligned group of the undead to "come out of the coffin" and walk among the living--at least once the sun has gone down. The thirst for human blood can now be quenched by this miracle bottled drink, best served warm. And though the flavor is nothing compared to the real thing, it must taste better than a Heineken or Bud Light ever could.


Fisher & Sons, "Six Feet Under"

What becomes of daily living when it is constantly surrounded by death? That is the question posed throughout five incredible seasons of the acclaimed series "Six Feet Under." And at the heart of that question stands Fisher & Sons, a funeral home that saw its inhabitants--living and dead--ponder the meaning of life and their place in it under its somber roof. What was often discovered there were both blinding darkness or light, depending on one's personal point of view. While those discoveries might be as claustrophobic as a casket or as vast as the great beyond, they would always be equally thrilling.


Ewing Oil, "Dallas"

Before the phrase ever became popular, late 70's television bore its own version of "Don't Mess With Texas" encapsulated in just one word: "Dallas." Up until then, Hollywood's version of the oil baron ran the gamut between a corruptible blue collar who happened to strike it rich to a sinister ghoul sporting a thin twistable mustache. And then there came J.R. Ewing, a small screen invention the likes of which audiences had never seen before. The power struggles he ruthlessly engaged in with his father, mother, brothers, and other assorted relations were as bewilderingly compelling as "Game of Thrones" is today. At the center of this groundbreaking nighttime soap was Ewing Oil, a maker and breaker of fortunes, and the setting, to this very day, of TV's greatest cliffhanger of all time.


Bluth Company, "Arrested Development"

Family conflicts also abounded at Bluth Company, perhaps with even the same degree of "Dallas" malice. If the Ewing clan could be seen as sharks, the Bluths were more like tipsy jellyfish. Like J.R. Ewing, George Bluth Sr. also had some questionable dealings with Iraq, yet the latter's clumsier approaches to lawbreaking--which once even included "light treason"--got him sent to prison in the premiere episode. J.R., on the other hand, was always a step ahead of the authorities. In "Arrested Development," the real estate business supplied the same amount of intrigue as the oil game, though while you definitely can't move the family into a derrick when times get tough, you can move them into the model home of a disreputable future residential community. Greed was the motivator for the heads of both clans--and many in their brood--and each would see their success grow from failure's ashes just like a destruction-prone banana stand.


DHARMA, "Lost"

Known best to audiences for their research project, the Dharma Initiative, this clandestine operation is an equal source of revelation and perplexity when trying to make sense of what actually happened during the six foggy seasons of "Lost." Both savior and executioner, practitioner of science and mysticism, DHARMA is the first and last thing any castaway would want to see while on a once-perceived deserted island. As FedEx systems engineer Chuck Nolan had his Wilson, survivors of the crash of Flight 815 had DHARMA. And as a whole, Nolan seemed to fare much better. For when a group of research scientists are more frightening than a homicidal smoke monster, you know you've got trouble a few poor Yelp reviews couldn't possibly rectify.


Pied Piper, "Silicon Valley"

Good versus evil is taken to disruptive levels on the HBO series "Silicon Valley." The good here is represented by Pied Piper, a small startup touting a revolutionary compression algorithm only slightly sexier than a mortician. The bad are the billionaire tech gurus and capitalists who want to cannibalize this innovation. The ups and downs that follow are as fast and frenetic as we've seen from any of the other companies on this list. The action here may involve a uniquely 21^st Century landscape, but the struggles of Pied Piper are similar to any David and Goliath tale, with us as their cheerleader no matter how hideous the official company jacket is.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

September 6, 2016, 4:50 am

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It's tough coming back from a long weekend off, so since you're feeling down and questioning whether you should burn down your office or not, let us take your mind off things with the funniest of the funniest photos. We can't promise you they will make you feel completely better, but at least it will distract you from the matchbook. For now. Enjoy!










Don't cry. Here are more Funny Photos.










Don't need money to check out these Funny Photos.










Save yourself. Check out Last Friday's Funny Photos.

 

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If Stan From The Eminem Song Wrote Reviews on Amazon

September 6, 2016, 5:18 am

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I know "Stan" isn't the timeliest song to discuss, but it's one of those that you'll think about from time to time for the rest of your life. That happened to me recently and I started to wonder what Stan's every day life must be like. What does he do on an hourly basis? What type of snacks does he enjoy? But most importantly, what sort of reviews would he leave for products he purchased on Amazon? Fortunately we were able to find some.

Puppy and Cat Cosplay Costume



Self Balancing Electric Scooter



Kitchen Trash Bags



Warm-Weather Sleeping Bag



Pokémon Doll



Xbox Controller



Portable GPS



Stress Relief Tea Bags

Related: Amazon Reviews Of NFL Quarterbacks

 

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Comedian Trolls The Hell Out Of Random Instagram Photos

September 6, 2016, 6:09 am

≫ Next: These First Day Of Kindergarten VS. Last Day Of High School Photos Will Remind You Time Flies

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If you go through your Instagram feed right now you're bound to find a lot of dumb pictures, and I'm pretty sure you've done your best to feed Instagram with a bunch of your crappy photos too (we've all contributed, don't worry). But thanks to comedy writer John Purcell we get to laugh a little bit harder when going through our feed.

Purcell is leaving the most hilarious, most bizarre comments on random Instagram photos he comes across. Take a look at some of the best below:






































h/t The Chive

And here's how you troll IMDB: Guy Keeps Trolling IMDB With Hilarious Fake Movie Quotes

 

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These First Day Of Kindergarten VS. Last Day Of High School Photos Will Remind You Time Flies

September 6, 2016, 6:20 am

≫ Next: Chinese Woman Takes Poop In Elevator After Leaving Work (NSFW Because Gross As Hell)

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I don't have any kids of my own, but I can imagine it must be bittersweet for parents to see their kids head out for their first day of kindergarten, and even more emotional to see them on their last day of high school. I'm sure it was bittersweet for my folks, although I think they were just surprised I somehow finished school. Well, that's just a reminder that life passes us fast, and the first day of kindergarten vs. the last day of high school photos is a reminder of that.





























Via Pleated-Jeans.

This girl is ready for school to be over forever: Little Girl's Before And After Pictures Of Her First Day Of School Is So Damn Relatable

 

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Chinese Woman Takes Poop In Elevator After Leaving Work (NSFW Because Gross As Hell)

September 6, 2016, 6:27 am

≫ Next: This Preteen Crying Over Her Math Homework Is Something We Can All Understand

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Listen, folks, we are all about the important, world-changing news stories on here -- so much so that we are giving CNN a run for its money. But sometimes we have to take a step back and let you know about something that is not as important, but just plain gross.

A Chinese woman was caught on tape taking a dump on an elevator after leaving work. Before letting it all out, the woman is clearly trying her best to hold it together, even as the slowest elevator on earth makes its way to her desired floor. Obviously we've all been in public before when those stomach pains hit us, but not many of us say "fuck it, this is my toilet now."

Check out the very gross video below:


To be fair, perhaps she skipped out of work early and was scared she would get caught. I guess that would warrant a poop.

h/t Viral Thread

This woman gets it: Florida Woman Arrested After Pooping In Courthouse Elevator

 

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This Preteen Crying Over Her Math Homework Is Something We Can All Understand

September 6, 2016, 6:46 am

≫ Next: 20 People Whose Summer Makes Yours Look Really Good

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It is pretty clear that the majority of math we learned when we were trying not to fall asleep in class is pretty useless, as we never use it again in our life. And yet schools still want you to know this information in order to move on to the next step in your academic career. So it's hard not to feel bad for the sixth-grader who has completely had it with math.

Check out the tears (and swear words) this poor girl lets out when faced with math thanks to this Twitter:

her sister was crying over her 6th grade math homework 😂 pic.twitter.com/EqKmOJs94s

— FREDDY (@FreddyAmazin) September 3, 2016

Going to assume she's going to have a complete mental breakdown when she's confronted with calculus.

h/t Distractify

We also know her pain: Little Girl's Before And After Pictures Of Her First Day Of School Is So Damn Relatable

 

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20 People Whose Summer Makes Yours Look Really Good

September 6, 2016, 6:50 am

≫ Next: Abigail Ratchford Completely Nude Will Heal Those Post-Labor Day Weekend Blues

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As summer draws to a close, we fondly look back at some of its finest moments: summer beers, bonfires, pretty girls, skinny dips, late nights and of course, the terrible selfies that come with. Having said that, there's always those people who do summer badly, and these 20 photos will make your summer look really good.








































Now laugh your ass off some more: 30 Of The Funniest Tweets About Summer

 

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Abigail Ratchford Completely Nude Will Heal Those Post-Labor Day Weekend Blues

September 6, 2016, 7:18 am

≫ Next: 16 Kids Who Are Seriously The Biggest Pervs

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We know that you're all feeling down that you're back on that work grind after a nice long weekend off, but one thing that will pick you right up again is finding a nice corner to shame eat in. Well, that or Abigail Ratchford bare naked. You know what? Have both, you deserve it.

Ratchford took it to her Instagram to share a picture of her bare butt hanging out. Check it out below:

Team no tan lines ; ) 🍑 @pureorganictan🔥

A photo posted by A b i g a i l (@abigailratchford) on Aug 31, 2016 at 4:03pm PDT

And since she received such positive reaction out of that one, Ratchford decided to give her fans another gift by sharing another picture:

Since you all loved the last one so much ☺️ 🍑#AnotherOne 🔑🔑 @amanjunkies @amangiri 🌎

A photo posted by A b i g a i l (@abigailratchford) on Sep 2, 2016 at 10:06pm PDT

Ratchford is all about giving, and in this case we are totally OK being all about getting.

Thank you, God: Abigail Ratchford Just Took The Best Mirror Selfies You'll See

 

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16 Kids Who Are Seriously The Biggest Pervs

September 6, 2016, 7:20 am

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Kids are interesting beings, as they really don't give a damn and are the most shameless creatures on earth. Which is why it's not a surprise to read up on all the times kids with no filter embarrassed their parents. And yet, even that's nothing compared to the kids below who are the biggest pervs around. And they fully embrace it.

Check out a bunch of kids that just had to slip in a peek.
































Or do these kids deserve a round of applause?

Via Izismile

Could be worse. They could murder you: 11 Movies That Remind Us Kids Are Out To Kill Us All

 

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