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- 09/09/16--05:20: _iPhone 7: Yay or Nay?
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- 09/07/16--12:41: The Eight Worst Airports For Flight Delays
- 09/08/16--04:44: The Funniest GIFs Of The Week
- 09/08/16--04:50: Today's Funny Photos
- 09/08/16--05:20: Guy Uses Tourists At The Leaning Tower Of Pisa As Hilarious Props
- 09/08/16--05:40: How Does It Feel To Bomb A Standup Comedy Set?
- 09/08/16--06:08: British Children's Show Drops The C-Word On Air
- 09/08/16--06:50: 10 Childhood Shows You Want to See Streaming
- 09/08/16--07:50: 10 Animals That Ran For Office
- 09/08/16--08:14: Pissed Off Tennessee Guy Bulldozes His Neighbor's House
- 09/08/16--09:21: Italian Supreme Court Says Masturbating In Public Is Legal
- 09/08/16--09:35: Probably The Greatest Onside Kick Of All Time
- 09/08/16--10:24: Here Are 101 Ways To Deal With Stress According To A Teacher
- 09/09/16--04:49: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
- 09/09/16--04:50: Today's Funny Photos
- 09/09/16--05:20: iPhone 7: Yay or Nay?
- 09/09/16--05:54: Shower Beers Is Currently The Hottest Viral Trend Out There
8. Orlando International Airport (MCO)
7. Los Angeles International Airport (LAX)
6. LaGuardia Airport New York (LGA)
5. Denver International Airport (DIA)
4. Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport (DFW)
3. Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International Airport (FLL)
2. Miami International Airport (MIA)
1. San Francisco International Airport (SFO)
That's right, folks, SFO airport is the least reliable when it comes to flying out on time, so if you're flying out of there you should probably bring a good book or five so that you can waste your life away by your gate.
But in conclusion, no airport will ever give you a pleasant experience.
And here are more annoying things: The 12 Worst Things About Being At The Airport
Our GIFs are already off to a bad start.
♫ And they call it puppy shove ♫
Look ma, no brains!
That's one way to curb your enthusiasm.
This guy's clearly a lot of fun to play with. Also, possibly Batman.
This is what happens when you watch stupid people too closely.
I don't know what I'm seeing, but I like it.
You're a reel loser, dude.
The Olympics are long over, but this was too good to pass up.
♫ I believe I can flop ♫
This roundup is slipping in its old age. Time to call it quits before someone gets hurt..er.
Be sure to come back last week for another edition of hilarious GIFs.
You know what's the best thing about today? No, it's not that there is only one more day until Friday; it is that we have another batch of funny photos for you. And there is nothing better than that. I'm willing to fight anyone who disagrees. Sure, I have the strength of a canary, but I have the heart of -- never mind; I don't have a heart. Enjoy the funnies!
And you know you're just going to check out more Funny Photos.
Our Funny Photos can also save a life.
Shut up and check out yesterday's Funny Photos.
If you're looking for something worse that tourists do besides using a selfie stick, look no further than folks that take those awful, cringeworthy photos of themselves "holding up" the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy. It's been done so many times, the more it's done the more cringe spews out.
But imgur user Savidiot decided to go a slightly different route, using these dorky tourists as props instead of the tower itself. Check out his masterpieces below:
This last dude in his fabulous Garfield shirt isn't pleased at all.
This guy has the worst vacation: Russian Tourist Couldn't Be More Excited In Photos Of His Trip
I went down in flames in SF '07. (Make sure it's pronounced OH-7.) Most of it is blocked from my memory, but I remember the absolute embarrassment I felt the moment I realized I wasn't capable of succeeding. Took a while to regain confidence after that. Before every set for the next month or two, I would have flashbacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night, remember what happened, and stare at the ceiling for hours contemplating new careers.
I've had bad sets here and there since then, but none like that. I hope that's a once in a lifetime experience.
Two years into comedy, I was eating multi-cock at an alligator farm of a college in northern Florida. The crowd literally booed me off the stage. Little did they know, I had to come out and perform six more times between acts, as I was MCing the overall event, a Battle of the Bands. After the fourth band, me returning to the stage became a bit of its own. I will never forget the looks on the faces of those privileged white and mixed kids booing me. Many years later, I released a child-eating alligator on their state to get back at them. Wonder what ever happened to that gator.
We're supposed to say we don't care when we bomb. I do care. I hate it. Bombing is hot sweat.
I did a show in the back of a bowling alley in 2013. The host of the show was a two-foot-tall marionette puppet that dressed and spoke like Pee Wee Herman on bath salts. A few minutes into the show, a four-year-old boy wandered into the venue, sat in the front row, and stared at me -- expressionless -- for the rest of my set. When the puppet heckled me in the middle of a punchline, the little boy took the puppet's side.
I did a show at the French embassy hosted by a drag queen for some reason. Everyone else on the show was a musician except for me. When I was introduced, the host was like "OK folks, give it up...for Brandon," and then I had to walk out and literally be like, "Hey guys, I'm, uh, about to do standup comedy now. He didn't mention that but, uh, I'm doing standup." That set a weird precedent and then it was all downhill from there. I was 19 and none of my jokes about cum or rap were hitting with this crowd of people wearing suits and dresses. Also, my friend Tyler was there wearing a Quicksilver shirt and basketball shorts, literally clothes you would jack off in, at an event where everyone was in suits. That was the redeeming aspect for me.
When I first started doing standup, I made a promise to myself that I would never say no to any show. I had to cash this promise in a couple months later, because I got an offer from a nightclub promoter to do 30 minutes of standup in a nightclub in West Hollywood on the Fourth of July at 9 p.m. It was a pretty bad deal going into it, but I figured just no one would be there because it was prime firework hours. Whatever, I'll do it. Plus, it's the first time I'm ever doing 30 minutes of standup. So I show up to the club and it's way worse than I thought. It's jam packed full of people that have been day drinking and the DJ is blasting dubstep. So I go up to the booth and I'm like, "Hey I'm supposed to be doing standup tonight." The DJ says, "I don't know anything about that, but I'll put you on after this song."
So before I can even get to the makeshift stage, the DJ cuts off the dubstep and says, "Alright everybody. Now this guy is gonna do some standup." Then he leaves the booth without even saying my name. I maybe get halfway through my first joke before people start having the loudest conversations with each other. Like, I can't even hear my own voice it's so loud. Then I made the mistake of asking the audience what they wanted to talk about. People immediately just started heckling me with obscenities. Then there's a girl in the corner that's half bullying me and half trying to help. She yells out, "You know, your problem is that you're doing straight jokes in a gay club." That was the least of the issues. So finally I'm like, "I'm just gonna leave. Who cares? I'm getting paid $15 and no one is listening."
Before I can get off stage, I spot some friends of mine that had come from out of town to watch me. They walk in and get a table right by the stage and have never seen me do standup before. So I have to finish the rest of the 30 minutes for these out of town friends that are just trying to be polite. When it was finally over, I left right away and didn't even get my $15 check from the manager's office. The best part is that my friends from out of town have never come to see me again. I'm sure they think I'm the worst comic ever.
I'd say there's a particular moment within a set you're bombing that hurts the most. Say you try out a new joke and it's a little punny or silly -- and no one laughs -- the room's quiet. Which is fine...but then you'll hear a girl (usually a girl for some reason -- but could be a guy) let out a disappointed "ohhh." It's almost like a sigh. It's not a groan. It's a pity sigh. And within her breath you can almost hear her thinking, "Now, I feel bad for this guy." And the rest of the room heard her sigh, too, and now they don't respect you. It's hard to recover from, especially for someone already brimming with self-doubt anyway. Maybe that doesn't happen to other comics and I'm exceptionally terrible. But that sigh -- it's worse than silence.
I completely and totally bombed my ass off during a big showcase. It was my first ever showcase and I knew there were "execs" (that's what people kept saying) execs, execs! The execs are out there! I was pacing in the green room and making other people nervous for me. The host, who had seen me perform before, introduced me as "stupidly funny," and honestly that night I was very much one of those things. I remember I didn't slow for laughs, which, with how nervous I was rambling, didn't matter because there were none. It was an absolute blur. A terrifying blur, one in which I could make out the majority of the faces in the audience and many other comics whose expressions can only be described as "wow." Wow she is not good. Wow she is bombing. Wow she sucks. Wow.
Halfway through, I realized, "Fuck it, I'm not going to get this." And that made everyone laugh. I ended my set with making jokes about how awful I had just performed. I left the stage smiling, but honestly felt like I had been socked in the stomach. I messaged my friend to check to see if he was in the audience and he replied, "Yeah, I was there." Great. I remember that night vividly because my car battery died and I had to call AAA at 1 a.m.; then I cried in my car because Hollywood is a beast and knows exactly when to crush your soul.
The next week, I performed at the same club. Same time, same set. This time, just for fun for Cracked.com. It was great! Why couldn't I have just done that the week before?! Some of my coworkers were even there and I could see them laughing during my set. Where was this calm, collected person last week?! Probably because it didn't matter. I had already bombed my ass off in that room and nothing could be worse than that moment seeing comics I knew -- and some of my friends -- see me eat shit. This new show was a breeze. I wasn't auditioning or showcasing. It didn't mean anything. And so I was just me.
My first "real" bomb was when I doing a bit about the Confederate flag that I had worked out at in-town Atlanta clubs to great results. But now I was in the 'burbs and for whatever reason I didn't think that the bit would be received differently. It was.
People actually crossed their arms and leaned back. I remember getting hot and my brain just switching to auto-pilot and the words coming out as muscle memory. I also remember looking up and seeing my fiancée way in the back of the room with a look of horror on her face.
I powered through and went into a safe and easy dog versus cat hack bit and sort of got them back. Then ended my set early and got out of there.
There's nothing I love more than a deeply clarifying bomb. Bombing is death and it is life. It is my religion. I don't have a story, but I have those feelings. The purpose of life and of standup is not to avoid bombing.
As someone who has never bombed on account of my abundant talent, I can only take a guess as to what such an experience might feel like. Hypothetically, I imagine it feels like an existential disconnect from life itself. It does not feel like death, as the old adage, "I'm dying up here!" goes. Rather, it is the death of all worth living for. It is an encounter with nothingness, and nothingness in an eternal, soul-shifting sort of way. Of course, I imagine that's what it's like. I've never bombed.
When I tell the story of my first time bombing, people inevitably seem to say something about "crickets." The truth is, when you bomb, it's so uncomfortably silent that crickets would be a welcome noise.
The worst thing is when you're mid-bomb -- you know the jokes aren't working (and will get worse), but you can't abandon them because you're a committed professional and also you can't remember your other jokes right now -- and you glance out at the audience and see your friends' faces frozen in sympathetic, pained half-smiles. That is the moment I feel true shame. And then coming down from the stage and hearing them say, "Good job!" and "I could never do that!" in high pitched, overly positive voices. Worst!
When you're in the middle of it, it feels like there's nothing you can do. Nothing you've said has ever been funny, yet you have to keep on talking until your time's up. It never feels good to get in front of a large group of people and have them all tell you that you suck. It's like when you buy someone a present and you're super excited to give it to them, and when they open it they f**king hate it. Then you realize they're gonna feel the same way about the other seven to eight presents you have.
Bombing makes me feel like Jack on the Titanic. Things are going great; I'm happy and I've got my nude sketches in tow, when the iceberg crowd says, "Oh hell no!" They watch me slowly sink into an ocean of damning silence while refusing to make any room whatsoever on that big-ass floating door of career validation.
My worst gig ever was a corporate event for an oil company's Christmas party. I was supposed to do 30 minutes, clean. There was a buffet, and no one cared or listened to anything I was saying. In the moment, your mind is racing trying to think of ways to turn it around, but from an audience point of view, it probably takes forever for it to end. I think bombing is probably like a near death experience; everything is fast and slow at the same time. I thought about quitting comedy...then cashed their check.
I did standup for the very first time as part of a prank show I made in 2014. I lost a challenge segment and my punishment was to perform seven minutes in front of a sold-out club with an ear piece in. Three comics sat in the green room with a mic and fed me lines that I had to repeat word for word. The point was to humiliate me, so I'm sure you get the picture. I got very, very drunk on tequila while I watched the comics go before me to try and calm my nerves. When they called my name, I could barely walk up to the stage. My "material" included, but was not limited to: Bill Cosby, farts, fisting myself, yeast infections and a recurring Asian porn star impression. The video of my set is up on YouTube and the show was broadcast across Asia (of course). I turn red just thinking about it.
I know when I've worked on a joke and feel I've cut all the fat and the wording is perfect....I know it's going to hit hard. No doubt, this one is going to bring the crowd to their knees. Then, I get up and deliver it just like I had planned aaaaaand...crickets. A lot of people try and blame the audience like, "These guys don't get it!" But in reality, it's you that doesn't get it. Your jokes are awful. Move back to Ohio.
I've seen people bring friends to shows and they were so bad the friends left during the set and were like, "Hey, if you see so-and-so tell him my dog died or something and I had to go."
I can tell you what it feels like to bomb in areas of the South where most people don't even know the difference between standup and sketch comedy. It feels like you're doing standup to a room full of disinterested cats. It's one thing to throw out a joke and find out the audience doesn't think it's funny, but it's another when you throw out joke after joke and you're basically like, "I don't think these people get how comedy works." It usually just feels like they wandered into a bar, ordered a drink, then looked up like, "Hey, looks like some kid with a microphone has an announcement to make." So overall, I'd warn any aspiring comics to steer clear of Tuscaloosa if most of their set consists of jokes on Ancient Egypt and "Boy Meets World."
I bombed one night many moons ago (I still bomb -- it's just that this was when I first started), and after the show a guy came up and said, "You think you're funny making fun of the handicapped?" He wanted to kick the shit out of me. I had a couple beers before going onstage and made fun of two guys in the front row -- I didn't realize that one guy was mentally challenged and the other guy was his helper. As I was being threatened, I kept thinking, "Isn't it good that I didn't notice his disability?" I didn't say that though, I just kept apologizing. I felt awful. Absolutely awful.
When I first got into comedy, my biggest influences weren't comedians as much as they were storytellers. Especially those over-priced DVDs that Kevin Smith released for years of his Q&A sessions around the world. I, unfortunately, thought that's what standup could be: long stories that just delighted audiences because they were quirky. I never thought about the fact that Kevin Smith could do this because he was a beloved director who made several beloved movies -- featuring famous actors -- and that was the only reason Kevin Smith could spend 45 minutes on a story and have an audience follow him. So when I got started, I just dove in with long, rambly bullshit. One of my biggest, best first shots at comedy was a slot opening for a much bigger comedian who trusted me to come out and do my best. I thought I was doing that. I was wrong.
I came out to a room of maybe 300 people who were expecting -- and rightfully so -- a series of setups and punchlines comparable to the style and professionalism of the big name comedian the room had come out to support. Instead, they got a twenty-something dude who told the longest story imaginable. It's my greatest bomb of all time, but it was also a manageable disaster. The room didn't destroy me. I heard, throughout, bursts of laughter. Some people, though unprepared, joined me on the stupidly long journey. So I didn't stop.
In the end, I murdered a room with an overly personal tale about nothing. I'd never fuck up like that again.
My first open mic set was three minutes long and all I got from the audience was a single "Ha!" by someone in the back of the bar. I think I was grinning the whole time because of how little response there was. I remember speaking, waiting for the audience to react, but only hearing the sounds of the bartender scooping ice or coughs here and there. I felt more relief than humiliation because I had stopped (in that moment) being afraid of failure.
I did standup on the East Coast for a couple of years before moving to LA. I was never especially good at it, like many people in their first couple of years doing standup. One night, I decided to be bold -- I'd killed the last couple of times up, so I thought I'd go to an open mic and do nothing but new material. Needless to say, it didn't go well. It was one of those nights where someone clearing their throat would echo around the silence pervading the theater. A shy kid in the front row, age 12 or so, started to laugh at one of my jokes but covered his mouth to stifle it. I said to him, "It's okay, buddy, you can laugh at that." A heckling voice in the back cried out, "We'll laugh when you say something funny." That got a bigger laugh than any of my new material.
I hadn't really ever dealt with bombing on this level before, so when this heckler was thrown on top of it, I panicked. I started making fun of the heckler -- he was bald, he was wearing an oversized Philadelphia Eagles jersey, etc. I took out my frustrations on this guy for a good 30 to 45 seconds, which is an eternity on the mic. At that point, the heckler spoke up again...and I realized, to my horror, it was a man *behind* the guy I'd just spent the last minute barraging with insults. Now, the entire audience was against me. I said, "That's my time, thank you," walked off the stage, and immediately left the venue.
It took me half a year to build up the courage to face an audience on stage again. To make matters worse, I occasionally had my girlfriend record the show when I was trying out new material...so I have the whole thing on tape somewhere. I've yet to watch it. I'll put it in a time capsule so that, after I'm dead, generations of young new comedians can learn from my mortifying mistakes.
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Forget learning the alphabet, dropping that terrible c-word is one way to really grab the attention of children, and a presenter on a British show aimed at kids did exactly that.
In a scene in the show "CBeebies," presenter Chris Jarvis finds himself on a scooter at the playground, singing like grown men do when they go to a playground when he drops the word. The scene came to the attention of everyone when 25-year-old mom Lyndsey Mann shared the clip to her Facebook. Take a look at the clip below to see Jarvis sing that word so colorfully:
Yep, that's right. A grown man just said "You're a fluttering cunt." I don't know what that is but you should probably steer clear of saying it the women in your life.
"At first I thought it was really funny because it was just a shock, but if my little girl who's two starts saying that in public it's going to make me look really bad, so it's upsetting and quite annoying -- she wouldn't know any difference," Mann tells The Sun.
"CBeebies" was quick to explain that Jarvis is actually saying "kite."
"It's kite everyone, kite! We make shows for your little ones so it's always going to be kite," they stated on their Facebook.
It would probably be smart for them to hire a presenter that doesn't sound like he's saying one of the worst words you can say when he attempts to say "kite." But hey, that's just my opinion.
And this is even worse: 'Sesame Street' After Dark Will Ruin Your Childhood
Apple has once again introduced something new that we all hate but will still line up to get because we are mindless sheep. The product this time around? Wireless headphones.
Apple presented AirPods to the world at the company's annual San Francisco keynote. And what are Airpods? They are wireless headphones that will be usable with the new iPhone 7, since that phone will not have a headphone jack. And to make matters worse these headphones will cost you $159. New iPhones will also come with a lightning-to-mini phone adapter.
Folks on the internet were obviously not happy about this at all, as they took it to Twitter to voice their opinions on everything from the headphones, to not having a jack anymore, to how easy it will be to lose these new headphones. Check out the most hilarious reactions below.
Looks like SIA is wearing AirPods pic.twitter.com/a6SzbTB9sG— Farhad Manjoo (@fmanjoo) September 7, 2016
The good news: You'll never have to untangle your ear buds.— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) September 7, 2016
The bad news: You'll never find your ear buds.
when ur reunited with all ur lost airpods in heaven pic.twitter.com/rHacZM1Ozd— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) September 7, 2016
Courage. D-Day. Moon landing. Removing the headphone port.— Jason Chen (@diskopo) September 7, 2016
@hellosami only one lighting port lol— GamerG!! (@therealgamerg) September 7, 2016
Overheard in the newsroom: "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-NINE DOLLARS?!"— Matt Pearce (@mattdpearce) September 7, 2016
Apple's headphones cost how much? pic.twitter.com/LI2j41ElJn— Scott Weinberg (@scottEweinberg) September 7, 2016
h/t Entertainment Weekly
Now check out the reactions to this: Everyone Is Laughing At R.Kelly And His Tiny Television
The Seavers were a timeless family, mostly because all of them could throw a comedic punch before the '90s were even around. Each character across their seven seasons knocked it out of the park before some of them (Kirk Cameron) went off the deep end. Heck, we even got Oscar Award-winning Leo for a brief moment! This should've been a demand made in his acceptance speech.
"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"
We know where the cast of "Fresh Prince" has been since the show ended 20 years ago, but why isn't it streaming on every available service? Will Smith practically owned "Suicide Squad" alongside Margot Robbie, but the Philly boy bounced into a cozy L.A. show is too good to not be bingeworthy. For what we pay to stream, we should get all the Carlton dances and hot Tatyana Ali we want. That is assuming it's the later seasons when she's of age.
No Friday evening was imaginable without Steve Urkel and the Winslows, even if the show did sputter out at the end. Does anybody even know what happened by the finale? Regardless, the early seasons of watching the annoying kid neighbor drive a petulant Officer Carl up the wall while he goes after his daughter was too good to be true. And it's based in Chicago. What's not to love?
"Step by Step"
As important as the Winslows were to Friday, no TGIF was complete without the Fosters and the Lamberts going head to head once a week. Some of our earliest girl crushes (and mom crushes) came from this show, not to mention our first experience of seeing a cool guy (Cody) who lives in a van in the driveway. Christine Lakin? Staci Keanan? Suzanne Somers?! Come on!
Just the same, no Saturday morning was complete without "Saved by the Bell" and this little gem. While the former is available on Netflix, "Hang Time" isn't even available for overpriced bingeing on iTunes. What gives? This was the first time I realized it was hot for girls to play sports. And they had Dick Butkus for crying out loud!
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor was the dad we all wanted, as well as the dad we would've been too embarrassed to have. But with eight seasons of self-inflected mishaps, you've got to give the show props for not killing the guy off, not the way some shows kill off their main characters. Still, the fact that Patricia Richardson (Jill) and Debbie Dunning (Heidi) graced us as long as they did tells us this show should be streaming like a white water rafting trip.
Since our mothers rarely let us get away with "Baywatch," we had to get clever and check out cheesy teen shows with the hottest babes of the '90s, namely the Kelly Packards of the world. "California Dreams" drowned us with West Coast references, even though nobody ever got so much as a sunburn, but it kept the summer alive most of the year for us.
"The Real Ghostbusters"
Though it's now available for purchase on iTunes, we still haven't gotten one of our nostalgic cartoons available for streaming with our subscribed services. I mean, if my friends found out I purchased five seasons of this cartoon for $1.99 per episode, I'd never hear the end of it. Alright, it happened, but it was glorious!
Right up there with "David the Gnome," our little blue friends were some of our favorite bite-sized entertainment as kids of the '80s. The show is so good they made two terrible Hollywood films out of it! How can you not stream Papa Smurf (more importantly, Smurfette) indefinitely?
That's the big one! Considering "Baywatch" is the staple California babe show and is set for a major Hollywood reboot, it only makes sense we should get all the grab-ass goodness that comes with a classic like this. Pamela Anderson. Yasmine Bleeth. Kelly Packard. A respectable (at the time) David Hasselhoff? Do I need to go on here?
Hank The Cat
Hillary Clinton's vice-presidential pick Tim Kaine knows exactly how powerful the animal vote can be -- in 2012, he had his run for the Senate challenged by a Maine coon cat named Hank. Kaine spent most of his campaign focused on Republican challenger George Allen, but Hank quickly proved to be a formidable foe. He racked up media attention from all over the country with a campaign slogan of "Vote The Humans Out," and came in third place in the general election with 7,000 write-in ballots. His owners started the quixotic campaign as a prank but funneled all donations to animal welfare causes. Alas, Hank died in 2012, but many Virginians remember his campaign fondly.
Crawfish B. Crawfish The Crawfish
Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal is remarkably unpopular in his home state, so when a Facebook page called "Can This Crawfish Get More Likes Than Bobby Jindal" did it with ease, the organizers knew they were onto something. Then Jindal announced he was running for president, and Crawfish B. Crawfish knew it was time to throw his hat -- er, shell -- into the ring. The crustacean registered with the Federal Elections Commission with no party, advertising a platform of access to education, environmental responsibility and gender equality. Unfortunately, because a crawfish's lifespan is just two to three years, he couldn't have served his entire term if elected.
Duke The Dog
The township of Cormorant, Minnesota, is a charming little place adjacent to two dozen lakes, with a very interesting mayor. In 2014, a Great Pyrenees dog named Duke was elected to his first term as mayor, defeating local store owner Richard Sherbrook handily. He's done such a good job that he's won re-election every year since. Of course, the position is a mostly ceremonial one, but the citizens of Cormorant seem happy to throw their lot behind the nine-year-old hound. Duke has a couple of favorite spots where he goes to mingle with his constituents, most notably the local bar where he chows down on free burgers.
Clay Moore Henry The Goat
Hillary Clinton running for president this year has a lot of people talking about political dynasties, but few places can boast of a mayoral lineage that spans three generations. The unincorporated community of Lajitas, however, doesn't seem to mind. Since the 1980s, the mayor of town has been a beer-drinking goat named Clay Henry. The original Clay was killed in a fight with another goat, and his son Clay Henry II replaced him. In 2008, Clay Henry III abdicated the office and the town was without a goat mayor until 2014, when Clay Moore Henry was elected to the position. Rumor has it that a human might actually run for the job in 2016, but they'll have a tough time butting heads with this goat.
Stubbs The Cat
The stereotype of politicians is that they're lazy and don't care about anything but themselves. That sounds a lot like the stereotype of cats. Put the two together and you have a political dynasty that's almost two decades long. In 1997, a box of kittens was found in the parking lot of Nagley's General Store in Talkeetna, Alaska. One cat, who didn't have a tail, was named "Stubbs" by the store's owner and quickly became a town-wide celebrity. It wasn't long before Stubbs was elected the honorary mayor of Talkeetna, a job that he's done ever since. Stubbs doesn't just hang around his office all day -- he's a cat of the people, at one point hitching a ride on a garbage truck out of town, and once having to be rescued after falling into a deep fryer (that wasn't on, thankfully). What other mayor can say that besides Rob Ford?
Cacareco The Rhino
To be successful in politics, you have to be able to get people out of your way. And what animal's better at that than a rampaging rhinoceros? In 1959, the citizens of Sao Paulo, Brazil, were so disgusted with the candidates for an empty city council seat that the #1 vote-getter was a five-year-old female rhino named Cacareco (which, in Portugese, translates to "garbage"). Students had put her name on the ballot as a joke, but with a staggering 540 candidates running, the rhino had by far the best name recognition. In defiance of the will of the people, officials nullified the results and a second election was held a week later.
Pigasus The Pig
Possibly the most successful nonhuman presidential candidate of all time, Pigasus was nominated by the Youth International Party in 1968 during the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. His ceremony didn't go too well, though -- as Jerry Rubin was reading Pigasus's acceptance speech, the cops raided the demonstration, dragging the ringleaders away and taking the hog into custody. Apparently Chicago had an archaic law on the books against bringing live swine into city limits. The subsequent trial was a landmark moment in American political dissent, with the defendants -- known as the Chicago Seven -- becoming counterculture heroes. As for Pigasus, legend has it he was taken off to a farm in Grayslake and lived out his days in peace.
Tiao The Chimpanzee
Probably our closest relation on this list, Tiao was a popular chimpanzee at the Rio de Janeiro zoo. The 1988 mayoral election in Rio featured a pair of candidates that the general public just couldn't get behind, so satirical newspaper Casseta Popular launched a campaign for the primate. They held rallies, sold T-shirts and managed to transform Tiao into a nationwide symbol for protest voting. The 1988 election was his high point, as a staggering 400,000 people voted for the ape, bringing him in third place. Rio natives continued to write his name in until electronic voting was introduced in 1996.
Morris The Cat
No, not the famous Morris that pitched Friskies in the 1980s, although the name recognition probably didn't hurt. This Morris ran for mayor of Xalapa, the capital of Veracruz, Mexico, in 2013, on a platform of napping in office and doing nothing. That resonated powerfully among his constituents, who showed up to Like his Facebook page in droves -- far more than any human candidate. Morris's slogan translated as "Tired of voting for rats? Vote for a cat," and when the election happened he got 12,000 write-in votes to come in fourth out of 11 candidates. His success inspired many more animal politicians across Mexico to come forward.
Bosco The Dog
In terms of trustworthy animals, it's hard to beat a dog. So when Bosco Ramos, a black Lab and Rottweiler mix, ran for honorary mayor of the unincorporated town of Sunol, California, in 1981, it wasn't even close. He handily defeated the two human challengers and proudly served in office until 1984. In 1990, Chinese propaganda organ The People's Daily made Bosco internationally famous when it used his election as an example of how screwed up the American system of democracy is. Bosco had the last laugh, though, when a statue of him was erected in front of Sunol's post office in 2008.
Leaving a bag of flaming shit is so last year, it's all about bulldozing someone's house.
According to WIS TV, the hoopla began when a dispute between two Tennessee neighbors got even more heated when the Tipton County sheriff's deputies received a call about a man firing multiple shots into the woods. That man? 48-year-old John Higdon, who told deputies that he saw numerous people around the woods near his house wearing "ghillie" suits -- people he believed were employees of his neighbor, 57-year-old Edgar McLellan.
Deputies found no evidence of anyone in the woods so they left the scene, only to return later after receiving another complaint about shots being fired. This time around Higdon was arrested for reckless endangerment.
Here's where the bulldozer comes into play. After Higdon was arrested, a neighbor called emergency officials to report that a man, later identified as Higdon's neighbor, McLellan, was bulldozing Higdon's home. Read that over again.
The bold McLellan was charged with aggravated criminal trespassing and felony vandalism after police found debris from Higdon's battered home in McLellan's backhoe.
Higdon's house is a shithole now, as the walls are caved in and the furniture is exposed to the open air.
"What's he doing pushing somebody's house down? He's never had beef with this man," Sam Higdon, John's brother, said.
Both men are free on bond, but detectives continue to investigate the incidents and expect there will be additional charges, according to a department release.
And this is Higdon's house now:
h/t Huffington Post
Fire solves everything: Man Sets Fire To His Apartment In An Effort To Escape His Neighbor's Sex Noises
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Life is going pretty well for Chris Hemsworth. Not only does he get to play Marvel's Thor, but he gets paid to jump around and beat the hell out of everyone with a hammer. And even better than that? Hemsworth gets to come home to his wife Elsa Pataky every single night.
Todos juntos somos más fuertes todos juntos podemos vencer el cáncer de mama. Únete a la causa. 19 de Octubre, día international contra el cancer de mama. Help us fighting again breast cancer. breast cancer international day October 19th @ghdhair @ghdspain #micabellosolidario #breastcancer #cancer #healthyLife #BCAstrength #sumatealrosa #todossolidarios #todoscontraelcancerdemama #19DeOctubre #cancerdemama #cuidate
The 40-year-old Pataky is a former model who herself has acted in three of the 87 "Fast and the Furious" sequels. But even more memorable than that are the pictures she shares with the world on her Instagram:
h/t Bro Bible
More hot wives: The 11 Hottest (And Much Less Famous) Wives Of Celebrities
NBC executives came up with the crazy notion that people actually wanted to spend their Wednesday nights watching Bear Grylls do his thing, so they gave him his own show called "Running Wild with Bear Grylls," where celebrities join him somewhere in nature and they...wait for it...run wild.
Last night's "celebrity" was Melanie B from the Spice Girls, and let's just say that things got really wild when Grylls got stung in the hand by a jellyfish and Melanie B did the only thing that came to mind to save him.
Yup, you guessed it: She pissed on him.
I mean, congrats to Bear Grylls, I guess. After all, there are guys who will pay top dollar these days to have a good-looking woman take a leak on them, and he wound up getting a golden shower for free.
Some people drink urine for breakfast, and they are not my friends: Urine For Breakfast: The Wildest Athletic Diets We've Ever Seen
Hey, great news for guys who enjoy punching their clown next to the cart return at Target.
According to News.com.au, the Italian supreme court La Corte di Cassazione actually decided to hear a case this week about a 69-year-old man who was arrested for jerking off in public. Even crazier? You guessed it: They determined that the man didn't commit a crime by doing so.
The man on trial was arrested earlier this year and sentenced to three months behind bars after he was caught taking his bishop to church in front of students outside of the University of Catania. But he'll be free to go now because the court ruled that "a recent government reform meant 'the act is not included in the law as a crime,' meaning the court has eliminated the criminal aspects of sentencing for obscene acts in public places."
So remember that the next time you take your kids to the Italian equivalent of Toys "R" Us. If there's a guy wanking it on the hood of his Toyota Prius in the parking lot, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Why settle for the open air when you can safely spank it on the job? Masturbating At Work Is No Longer A Problem Thanks To The JerkShirt
We are beyond shocked that the great Bill Belichick didn't either come up with this on his own or steal it from a team that he was illegally videotaping.
Pretty simple concept here, kids. It's a lot like dressing up the fattest kid in your school in a shit ton of hockey pads to make him even fatter and then sticking him in front of a hockey goal to play goalie.
This video is from a recent high school game, and we couldn't give two craps where either team is from. The takeaway is that in order to recover the onside kick, you drill it as hard as you can at the player you think has the worst shot at catching it, which is usually any receiver who plays for the Eagles or Vikings.
And when it's done correctly, it's a thing of beauty, much like Kate Upton getting out of a pool:
It's not quite as revolutionary as the basketball play where a kid runs to the corner and gets down on all fours and starts barking like a dog, but I still love it....
The NFL returns tonight, baby! 26 Of The Funniest NFL Tweets To Get You Ready For The New Season
If you don't want to bury your face in a pillow and yell for hours like I do, or if you're not in the mood to cry in the shower, perhaps you should take a look at this list of different ways to deal with stress. Because these days it's pretty impossible not to feel the weight of the world pushing you down until you're six feet under. Hooray for colorful images!
Thanks to Twitter User Lina, we are able to read a list her psychology teacher, Mr. Philips, gave her in order to reduce his students' stress. Take a look at the list below and feel free to try some of them.
I'll keep my pillow just in case.
Now deal with your anger: Anger Management: Tips And Tricks To Tackle Your Outbursts
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I will be honest, pro surfing is not a sport I care much about, and the only time I care about it is when I see videos of awesome dogs on surfboards. Well, that is about to change because I have just learned about Ellie-Jean Coffey.
The 21-year-old Australian gal is a professional surfer who is always sharing pictures of herself wearing super tiny bikinis on her Instagram. So if you're too lazy to catch some waves, just kick back and catch some of Ellie-Jean's hottest pics:
Time to check out more surfers: The Hottest Surfer Girls On Instagram Are Getting Us Excited For Summer
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Cashier's playing dumb cause I said "venti" at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got.— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) September 2, 2016
"Think about it.....who closes the door after the bus driver gets off?..... Crazy, right?..." pic.twitter.com/ym8PxIAvKg— A. (@FreshAir_In) August 29, 2016
Ultimately the message of all self-help books is, "If you were a totally different person, you could have a different life."— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) September 3, 2016
pass me the blunt so i can throw it away and call the cops— irag war lo key thic (@HumanPog) September 3, 2016
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN pic.twitter.com/RfrkI9qPa1— saw ur tweet. u ok? (@KasaiREX) September 4, 2016
Everyone in Florida, please stay safe tonight. Not because of the hurricane. Just cuz you live in Florida— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) September 2, 2016
When your deadbeat dad picks you up for the weekend pic.twitter.com/9YA7AXvJI0— Potna B (@MyPotnaB) August 28, 2016
all u kids starting school i hope u do well! good luck u deserve an A+. and if u dropped out that's cool too hope ur music career works out— spicy😤boy😩 (@shawnwasabi) August 31, 2016
Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?— Andy Sandford (@AndySandford) August 27, 2016
opinions are like assholes. there are special sites on the internet where you can see really messed up ones— DougExeter (@DougExeter) August 30, 2016
Maybe Odell Beckham Jr had watched an episode of Girls and assumed Lena Dunham doesn't talk to black people— Petty Friedan (@jneslo) September 2, 2016
dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 30, 2016
date 5: i don't think the moon is real
CBS really should have switched the tag lines for Kevin James new sitcom and the new MacGyver... pic.twitter.com/VEbbL2B6LK— Chrissy Shackelford (@ChrissySh) August 29, 2016
Rest in Peas 🙏🙏🙏 https://t.co/qwl4TCTJNL— Moe Alayan (@MoeAlayan) May 22, 2016
Emily Ratajowski is always alone by a pool.— Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) August 28, 2016
Still laughing at this terrible memorial for Gene Wilder pic.twitter.com/VYZaXgC307— Amy Wood (@amy_wood) September 1, 2016
🤔If Carly Rae Jepsen👊— jake (@HUNTYCHAN) August 30, 2016
😘 & my man👦😍
😬 and I can only save one😤
💀catch me at his funeral💀
😭listening to E•MO•TION👊
What if Odell Beckham had engaged Lena Dunham in conversation? pic.twitter.com/XkuYc9jK8b— Dave Septemberkowitz (@davelozo) September 2, 2016
I am witnessing the second coming of Jesus Christ at Dave and busters right now pic.twitter.com/5UNVYGIMhy— Ryan Oakes (@ImRyanOakes) July 27, 2016
Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.
Somehow, someway we have gotten through another week, and we are still alive. And since we are still alive it's time to start living like it's your last day on earth. And how should you start that? By checking out all these funny photos, of course. And then after you can cross this off the bucket list that you'll start when you're too old and fragile to do anything on this list anyway. Happy Living!
And these are more Funny Photos.
But you'll always have more Funny Photos.
But you know what isn't? Yesterday's Funny Photos.
September isn't just the start of fall but also the start of unending jibber jabber about how great or how not great Apple's latest iPhone is. With 10 major features, a couple of surprise new features and impressive new performance and design, this is by far the best iPhone yet. Or is it? Follow along as we cruise through the main talking points of the new iPhone 7 and 7 Plus, then decide if you need to splurge your beer money on the latest or perhaps go with the deal on the previous model. One thing is for sure: There are some tech geeks creaming their jockeys today.
Size didn't matter at this week's Apple conference, but that doesn't mean we weren't blown in another way. The iPhone 7 features a refined, high gloss and seamless wrap that is both the most durable and sleekest designs we've seen yet. With a jet black finish added to the usual color schemes, the two new models, 4.7-inch and 5.5-inch, feature integrated antennas that not only mask any protruding edges, it's just plumb sexy.
Performance Anxiety? Or Excellence?
The newest of Apple chips, A10 Fusion, features the highest performance to date for any iPhone, as well as any phone in history. In addition to the new operating systems, including September's iOS 10 download, the new chip features the highest ability in both motion and graphics (M10). In addition, iPhone 7 features their alleged longest battery life yet, which will be interesting to hear more about once some of these other features come into play.
Like the new Apple Watch, the newly enclosed body is not only the first waterproof (and dust-proof) case from Apple, it's going to save you from having to live off Facebook for a week while you recover from the eager splashes from the urinal walls after another failed multitasking. The splash-proof style both expels water, probably not as intensely as the new swim-appropriate Apple Watch, repels dust, which is great for all you burning men. We're eager to see just how water-resistant these really are.
Picture This: Another Camera
We could talk all day about improvements, and we will, but first let's hit the honeypot: two camera lenses on the iPhone 7 Plus. With two built-in lenses, a telephoto lens (ƒ/2.8) in addition to the original wide-angle lens, we can now tap the optical zoom that allows for 12MP pictures even when we're zooming, so no sacrifice on quality anymore, thanks to the additional lens.
As far as specs on the camera itself: still with the 12MP of iPhone 6, but now with a better image stabilizer for focusing on moving objects, the new iPhone 7 camera offers ƒ/1.8 aperture and is 30 percent faster, with the ability to take several photos in a row and offer a conglomerate of its best parts in one single photograph. The new Quad-LED True Tone (four LEDs) gives more artificial lighting in the most natural way, and a flicker sensor, along with better white balance and noise reduction than ever before.
The camera offers multi-face detection, another process added to the billions of processes happening in mere milliseconds. Now with RAW capabilities and a 7 MP selfie camera, in addition to the extra lens, makes this by far the best iPhone camera we've seen.
Are You Too Good for Your Home (Button)?
It makes sense that the button our fingers use most would be in sync with our fingers themselves. As with Apple Pay and Touch ID activation, the new force-sensitive Home button tracks like the track pad on your Macbook and iPod. Quick actions based on the touch of your finger allow faster, more accurate movement on your phone from one small, circular space.
One Mean Screen
In addition to the beautiful casing, the screen itself seems a bit brighter as well. In terms of "brighter," we mean iPhone 7 illuminates a wider gamut of colors by 25 percent, compared to the previous model. And the improvements of 3D Touch layers and an improved depth of field, perfect for a photographer-style portraits, means we'll get sexier Instagram stories than ever.
Do You Hear What I Hear
The audio on iPhones tends to get a revamp every few models, but this is the biggest boosting Apple has had of its iPhone speakers in some time, if ever. For the first time, Tim Cook and the kids are releasing stereo speakers, both at the bottom and up top, a quality sound that gives off twice the volume of iPhone 6S. There wasn't much talk about how water resistant the speakers are, but if you're getting stereo speakers for the same price as the old ones, it's a definite win.
Struck by Lightning (Again)
Say goodbye to the analog headphone jack. As reported, Apple did away with the tiny pinhole audio port after ages of tiny pinhole audio ports. Moving to lightning port, which allows for audio in the same space as charging, Apple once again kills two birds with one eco-friendly stone. For the infuriated holdouts who like their tiny pinhole audio port from "back in their day," Apple offers a convenient adapter (which may come with the phone or may only cost you your first born).
Of course, you cannot multitask a charge and an earbud phone conversation, which could be trouble for busy business types. Whatever will they do!?
AirPods for All
Problem solved. You can say goodbye to your headphone cables. With the same body, you can now get wireless headphones; something we've been waiting for. However, the move by Apple to put charging and audio in the same port seems to force the issue. AirPods, which, along with, their impressive wireless chip (W1) that's compatible with all your devices, will mark up the cost of your listening pleasure a whopping $159.
AirPods offer five hours of listening, a tidy charging case and will arrive in October, shortly after you've cursed your phone out for its singularity. [Cue plug for new Beats 3 Wireless using W1 chip.]
The Price Is Right
Same as always? You bet, only now you're getting stereo speakers, a faster and brighter body and -- wait for it -- 32 gigabytes as the starting storage. The iPhone 7 starts at $649 ($27/month for 24 months) for 32GB, followed by 128 and 256 GB. The iPhone 7 Plus starts at $749, also with upgraded storage. Apple will make the new phones available for preorder on Sept. 9 for a Sept. 16 release. iOS 10 is available for download on Sept. 13.
Yay or Nay?
If you're in the yearly upgrade plan, you'd be a fool not to get the new iPhone (that's the whole point of it). It comes with improvements across the board that'll work well with the iOS 10 operating system. However, if you're grandfathered into a two-year contract, you may consider a cheaper buy with the 6S, and we say that because the new iPhone 7 doesn't have all the same perks, like the extra camera lens, as the 7 Plus, and the AirPods are available for purchase separately.
So you have to decide if you want to have the new sleek splash-proof body for your constant bathroom mishaps and playing in the rain, which will cost you a tiny bit more. Or do you want to save the money and get a lot of the same features? A major perk is the additional gigabytes for the same price. Your use of the camera, audio and overall amount of usage may play a big role in your decision. If you want all the perks, you have to get the Plus model, or maybe you'd be better off getting a reduced price older model. If we had to choose, we'd say "yay," but either way, there are going to be perks to shutting off your cell phone at one point or another.
Every so often a new viral trend will sweep the internet, reeling in a bunch of people from all over the globe. And while we had a fantastic time checking out the amazing and useless BootyFlipCup trend, this new shower beers trend is one useless trend we hope sticks around.
Thanks to Reddit, we all can see a bunch of gals drinking some beer while naked in the shower, with only the beer covering their goods. Check out some of the best below:
These gals are true innovators.
Can't forget this one: #AfterSexSelfies Is The Latest Trend That Will Make You Shake Your Head
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