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Internet Classic: Siskel & Ebert Promo Outtakes

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In honor of Roger Ebert's recent passing, we'd like to re-share this Internet classic clip of the Ebert and Gene Siskel bickering endlessly as they try to shoot short promotional clips for their old movie reviews show.

 

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Bar Paly of 'Pain & Gain' Lays the Hurt on Us

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Exclusive "Dog and Beth: On the Hunt" Sneak Peek

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Fans of Dog the Bounty Hunter can rejoice. The world's greatest bounty hunting husband and wife team are back on the small screen with their new show "Dog and Beth: On The Hunt" which premieres on CMT on April 21st, but there's a 2-hour preview special on April 14th.

 

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How to Make Girls Laugh...All the Way to the Bedroom

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Let me tell you something: it's exhausting being funny all the time. But supposedly a sense of humor is the number one turn-on for women, so therefore I must be funny...all the time. And if you think I could take a day oflaughing on a date, telling jokes, couple laughingf once in a while, check out my receding hairline and the "freshman fifteen" I gain every four years just for fun and then decide if any woman would date me without the jokes.

"Self-deprecating should probably stop when it's all too believable," says comedian Myq Kaplan, who I talked to after I wrote that opening paragraph. I wanted to know more about when, how and where to make women laugh, so I asked him a few questions on the matter. If you'd like to be funny with the ladies, too, follow Kaplan's advice. Because as he says, "I'm pretty great with women, let's say. Why not? You're not going to research it."

What's a good ice breaker joke?

MYQ: Go to help your date have a seat, and then pull the chair away. Or don't do that, but talk about how it would be funny if you DID do that. Make sure to highlight that you didn't actually do it. And remember, don't actually do it.

What's the perfect date setting to be funny? Where shouldn't you go if you want to be able to show off your sense of humor?

MYQ: A comedy club is the perfect place to NOT demonstrate your sense of humor unless you're a professional comedian and you're inviting your date to see you perform, in which case it is absolutely the perfect place to demonstrate your sense of humor. But it can be a great place to learn about your date's sense of humor a bit. I don't necessarily recommend it on a first date, but after you know each other a little, and won't be judging each other's reactions or lack of reactions to jokes about gender, race, sexuality, etc. And remember, just because your date laughs at a joke about murder, doesn't mean they are a murderer. They could be, but you have to look for additional signs.

What, in general, are good topics for humor to win over a female audience?

MYQ: I used to do crowd warmup for an MTV show that taped every weekday at 3pm in Times Square, where the audience was predominantly teenage girls. Of course, winning over female children might be different than winning over female adults, and you should probably focus on the latter. Certainly, one way to do it would be to talk about gender relations in an honest, fair, reasonable, meaningful way that is also hilarious. Can you do that? Sometimes on stage I'll make a joke that references some historical or current day societal inequality, as though I am in support of it, and then purposefully backtrack to indicate that I am NOT in support of it. Make sure you do those in the right order. Also, it helps for me to sometimes point out that I am 1) on the side of females making progress, 2) basically a lesbian trapped in a man's body, and 3) small enough that most women could take me in a fight. Or in a not-fight. This might only work if you're small enough, but give it a shot!

Are there differences between what guys think is funny and what girls find funny?

MYQ: Every human being is a snowflake, an individual flower with specific tastes and characteristics, such that classifying them by a larger category such as gender would be pointless...That sentence many men would find funny and many women would not. But seriously, folks...in today's day and age, with the existence of however many sexual orientations there are, transgendered people, alternate relationship configurations, and all kinds of changes in people's concept of gender, who is to really say what a "guy" is and what a "girl" is? This is from a new play I'm working on, a remake of "Guys and Dolls," called "Somes and Others."

There are a lot of Playboy models that seem to date comedians. Why is that?

Because Playboy models are inherently wonderful people who are not at all superficial, and simply see deep into the heart and soul of a prospective partner to choose a (play)mate. Also, comedians are all pure of heart and soul. It's the one place where life is completely fair (and if any models are reading this and falling in love with THIS comedian because of his words, so be it).

What experiences of your own can you share where your sense of humor was helpful with the ladies?

Time for a sincere answer. Seriously! I was married in my mid-twenties (to a lady), and during that time we were very much in love and I was not looking to take advantage of any other lady opportunities. So one night before a show, I was chatting with (as opposed to chatting UP) three female audience members, and I was just being myself, joking around, not flirting, just having a good time. And I remember one of the three was really enjoying everything I said, laughing, having a great time. The other two were not, I guess? I blocked that part out maybe. Anyway, I realized thlaughing in bed, couple making loveat because I was just being myself, and not trying to put on airs and do anything or be anything that wasn't genuinely me, the women who would be naturally reactive to who I was would make themselves known, and potentially flock to me. So I could flock them.

See now, some women might not like that joke. Men. too. But most people WILL enjoy my assessment that no one would like it. So if there are women out there who enjoy comedic meta-analysis, look no further. Or look further, but then realize you can't do any better and then come back, or if that seems like too much work, just stop here, lazy. The point is, be yourself, and you won't have to worry about which self you were being, which lies you were telling, which front you were putting forth. You might not get EVERY partner you want, but you'll get every one who wants you. And isn't that enough? No? Then I might not be able to help you.

When should the funny stop? Jokes in bed?

MYQ: There are no absolute rules. Humor can be positive in any situation, be it during sex, at a funeral, or while having sex at a funeral. You just have to make sure to know your audience. Feel out every situation to know whether it's a place where you can make a joke about "feeling out." Otherwise, it's your funeral.

How about when meeting parents? What kind of humor wins them over?

MYQ: Definitely jokes about having sex at funerals.


Myq Kaplan was a finalist on "Last Comic Standing" and has appeared on "The Tonight Show," "The Late Show with David Letterman," "Comedy Central Presents," "Conan," and many more. To see where he'll be performing next, click here. Myq Kaplan, Myq Kaplan comedian

 

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These Are The Most Hilarious Receipts You'll Ever See

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Cats Are A-holes: A Retrospective

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cats are assholes, cats, lolcats, cats destroying stuff

While cats seem to run the Internet, they are, at their very soul, assholes. In real life they are rarely LOL-worthy and are mostly now-I-have-to-clean-that-up worthy. So here's a helpful retrospective to remind you exactly what cats are.

 

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The Best Photos, GIFS and More From the 2013 NCAA Tournament

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Our Favorite Robbery Fails

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Today's Funniest Photos 4-8-13

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Just Girly Things: A Meme Gallery

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Model and Singer Casey Batchelor Will Rock Your Socks Off

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Hilarious Non-Stuntmen Jump Car Through RV

This Is What Movies Would Look Like Without Visual Effects

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10 Historical Jobs We're Glad Aren't Around Anymore

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Hipster Baby Name Generator

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Hipster Baby Name Generator

Are you a hipster? Are you having a baby? Just enter your last name below to find out the first and middle names of your hipster baby.

Your Hipster Baby Name is:

 

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Today's Funniest Photos 4-9-13

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10 Must-Haves For Every Home Bar

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noble experiment, noble experiment san diego, speakeasyThis is a good time to be a drinker in America. Not only have microbreweries elevated beer to new levels, but we are taking more interest in cocktails than ever before. On almost all spirits fronts, we are going back in time to create interesting libations using superior products--the way they used to. Step into any respected bar and you'll see that saccharine wine coolers and drinks with schticky names like "red-headed slut" have been replaced by real, classic cocktails using fresh ingredients made by people who know what they're doing. Which is why it's important to be able to recreate a well-made cocktail in your home bar now more than ever.

During a trip to San Diego a few weeks ago I stumbled across Noble Experiment, a speakeasy that could qualify as the coolest bar in America. Hidden behind a fake wall of kegs in the back of a Gaslamp Quarter bar, this gem makes you feel like you've been inducted into a secret club as you enter--and the only way to get reservations is through text or email. And once you do get in, you're greeted with a wall of faux skulls on the left and decor that could belong in the the world's happiest haunted house. And not to mention some of the greatest cocktails ever created. [Editor's Note: I had, hands down, the best cocktail I have ever had in my life during my longer-than-planned evening at Noble Experiment. I'll post the recipe for it later this week.]

So who better to give us a lesson in home bar stocking? We talked to Brian Lee, manager of Noble Experiment to get the 10 items everyone needs in their home bar. Take it away, Brian.

noble experiment, noble experiment brian lee, brian lee1. Rye Whiskey
Rye whiskey was the chosen whiskey of Americans for many years; lately its corn-based brother Bourbon is king. Rye whiskey can provide spiciness that bourbon can only dream of. Noble Experiment uses Rittenhouse 100 and Whistle Pig Rye Whiskies - both have the high proof and flavor to pack a punch in an Old-Fashioned or Manhattan.


2. Gin
Gin comes in many varieties, not just the piney London Dry Style we have all have become accustomed to. Cucumber heavy gins like Hendrick's have shifted gin from your grandfather's favorite sipper to something very approachable and mixable. In many cases, a nice light gin like Plymouth can nearly eliminate the need for vodka. In the most basic sense, gin is flavored vodka - a high-proof neutral spirit is infused with flavored botanicals. One of Noble Experiment's favorite gins is the Terroir Gin from the St. George distillery in Alameda, California. Using local botanicals from the area surrounding the distillery, the handcrafted gin is earthy, unique, and makes a serious Martini.

3. Mezcal
Mezcal, tequila's older and smokier brother, is a personal favorite. Fruity and often very smoky, mezcal puts a different spin on the agave-based spirits that we have all sworn against at some point. Del Maguey makes some delicious single-village mezcals: the same way locals have been doing it for generations. Sip it at a BBQ with some chicken or mix it with a touch of honey and fresh lime as a great companion for a late night California Burrito.

4. High-quality, Versatile Liqueur
The French and Italians have been making these for hundreds of years, and for good reason. Cointreau, Maraschino, and Chartreuse are all good options, but I personally like Benedictine. At 80 proof, is it strong enough to drink straight, sweet enough to mix a small amount into an old-fashioned, and packs enough flavor to use a modifier in light, citrusy cocktail. In the same vein, Italian amaros are a popular choice among experienced bartenders. Lower proof and bitter (amaro means bitter in Italian), these can be used in cocktails but are often sipped straight. A favorite at Noble Experiment is Cynar, which is sourced from artichokes.

5. A Good Vermouth
Vermouth often gets a bad rap, and for no good reason. Unfortunately, your average, neighborhood bar will stock cheap vermouth that sits on a warm back bar for several months. What most do not realize is that like a fine red wine, vermouth had a finite lifespan once opened. With that being said, a good bar or cocktail can completely change your perception of this fortified wine. A high quality Italian style (or sweet) vermouth like Carpano Antica is fantastic in a classic Manhattan but just as delicious straight up or on ice...as long as it's kept refrigerated. Recently, I bought a bottle to make Manhattans at home, but ended up drinking the entire bottle straight up.

noble experiment skulls6. Bitters
Bitters varieties are growing at an astounding pace. Once only an ingredient in old-fashioned and Manhattan cocktails, flavored bitters like Bitterman's Xocolatl Mole Bitters or Rx Bitters Co.'s Sarsaparilla bitters are opening up many fun, flavorful possibilities. Having said that, you can never go wrong with classic Angostura Bitters: they have been produced for nearly 200 years, were used medicinally, and are mandatory in several classic cocktail recipes. Used in small amounts, the cooking spices found in Angostura bitters help round out the edges of the cocktail, allowing the varied ingredients to work together a bit better. I put them in nearly everything I drink myself.

7. Jiggers
When consistency is key, jiggers are a must. I personally like the one that OXO offers, as it has many different measurement lines to eliminate the need for 12 different jiggers for those complicated Tiki cocktails.

8. Don't Go Cheap On Ice
A large majority of our manpower at Noble Experiment is spent on quality ice. Having one or two large cubes, as opposed to smaller cubes with more overall surface area, slows dilution while still chilling your drink. Instead or using our laborious process of cutting ice by hand, use King Cube ice trays from Tovolo. They can be used in almost any glass for any cocktail. Make sure you are using filtered water - you wouldn't want to add any unnecessary flavors from tap water into your quality cocktail!

9. Fresh Squeezed Juice
Fresh juice is essential. Take the time to juice a fresh lemon or lime per cocktail - you won't be disappointed.

10. A Handy Reference Guide
A cocktail book that provides all the necessary details with no extra frills: Dave Stolte's Home Bar Basics gives readers cocktail history, recipes, and even tool descriptions. A must have.

If you ever find yourself in San Diego, be sure to check out Noble Experiment. But shoot them a text or email in advance as it's hard to get in.

 

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'Homemade Movies' Recreates the Final Race From 'The Fast and the Furious'

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Every Tuesday, our friends at CineFix release a new homemade shot-for-shot video that recreates either a movie trailer (like this one for "Red 2") or famous movie scene, all without any added visual effects. It's "sweded" movie magic from acclaimed director Dustin McLean. This week, "Homemade Movies" takes on the final race scene from "The Fast and the Furious" with the use of some pretty cool toys. Enjoy the creative remake above, and then check out the side-by-side comparison below to see how they did.

 

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Aga Lea Jaworska is Today's Top Model

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Mindy Robinson is a Sexy Snake Model from 'Pain & Gain'

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