It's amazing what a few simple pieces of clothing can do for your style. All of a sudden we went from being a couple of oafs to giving Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg a run for their money, which got us into a little trouble...

Black and White Classic Crew Neck T-Shirts by Naked, $42. Watches by Modify Watches. Jeans by Cult of Individuality: Rebel Straight in Bleach, $149 and Rebel Straight in Black Dry, $169

Apparently looking good doesn't give you free range to fire loaded weapons at random. So, in order to avoid law enforcement, we had to make a run for it in our sweet new rides...

White Classic V Neck T-Shirt by Naked, $42. Jeans by Cult of Individuality: Rebel Straight Wax Coated Denim in Tux (left), $149 and Rebel Straight in 8 Year Indigo (right), $189. Watches by Modify Watches. Jacket by Cult of Individuality: Heritage Denim in Slate Dry, $165.

But first, we decided to put on a bit of size since we're only allowed to use our fists in fights from now on...

Light Blue Deep V-Neck T-Shirt by Naked, $42. White A-Shirt by Naked. Jeans by Cult of Individuality: Rebel Straight in Bleach, $149. Watches by Modify Watches.

We eventually made it safe and sound back to our awesome dorm room perfectly furnished for a couple of adult males in their 30s...

Jacket by Cult of Individuality: Heritage Denim in Dry, $165. Blue Crew Neck T-Shirt and Burnt Orange V Neck T-Shirt by Naked. Watches by Modify Watches. Jeans by Cult of Individuality: Hagen Relaxed in Whiteout (top), $189 and Rebel Straight in Dry, $169. Boots by Modern Vice: Bowery, $498

Bathing in Bleach

Cleanliness is an addiction in some cases, but in the case of Gloria, a young woman from Birmingham, Alabama, it goes to a whole new and scary level. It's bleach that is Gloria's addiction - not only does she use it to clean surfaces in her house, she also pours it over her head, takes baths in the toxic substance and even breaks open bottles at the store and huffs it to get her jollies. Needless to say, this is a pretty horrific thing to do to your body, but even the advice of a dermatologist won't make her stop.

Funerals

We don't like going to funerals - they're kind of a downer. But Brazilian man Luis Squarisi feels the opposite way. The 49-year-old resident of the town of Batatais has gone to every single funeral in his small town for 30 years. In 1983, the death of his father flipped a switch in Squarisi's brain, and after he saw his dad put into the ground he was seized by an obsessive compulsion to attend every funeral he could. Every morning, he turns on the radio to see if anybody died last night, then calls hospitals and funeral homes. His addiction has caused him to quit his job so he has more free time to crash funerals.

Mayonnaise

Most of us have a pretty neutral relationship to mayonnaise; it's a decent condiment, good on sandwiches. But for London woman Philippa Garfield, it's an addiction. She's so obsessed with mayo that not only does she spread it on her bread, but she has to use it for just about everything. She slathers fruits with it, uses it instead of cream in her coffee, and extols its virtue as a skin moisturizer and shampoo. She even uses it as cream to shave her legs! Hopefully she doesn't eat it afterwards.

Eating Sofa Cushions

People put all kinds of weird things in their mouths, but the foam inside sofa cushions? We would never even consider eating that. But Adele Edwards, a 34-year-old woman from Bradenton, Florida, has been chowing down on the stuff for the last 24 years non-stop. When she was 10 years old, her cousin ate a piece of a couch on a dare and Edwards decided to get in on the action. She started by chewing and spitting out the foam, but eventually started swallowing it. In 2008, she was rushed to the hospital with a massive foam blockage in her lower intestines, but she managed to pass it with the help of heavy laxatives.

Heavy Metal

Swedish dishwasher Roger Tullgren has one of the strangest addictions we've ever heard of. He's dependent on ear-splitting heavy metal to survive. It sounds absurd, but the Swedish government has classified his hard rocking lifestyle as an official legal disability, and three psychologists agree. Since his teens, Tullgren has listened to metal albums all day, every day, and goes to almost 300 shows a year. His employer has even been ordered to let him listen to music at the sink when he's washing dishes.

Ear Digging

Sometimes addiction can manifest as a behavior and not a physical item. For Jamie, a woman from Jacksonville, Florida, the bizarre addiction is putting objects in her ears. For as much as 12 hours a day, she gouges out the inside of her ear canal with whatever sharp object is handy. No simple Q-tip will do for this woman's imaginary earwax - she uses bobby pins, scalpels and even scissors. When she was a kid, a flower got lodged in her ear. Even though it was removed safely, the psychological trauma caused her to develop this bizarre addiction.

Clowns

Collecting can become an addiction if it's not controlled, and one of the creepiest obsessed collectors we've ever heard of is Ortrud Kastaun, a woman from German who has a terrifying accumulation of over 2,000 clown-related items in her house. When she sees something with a clown on it, she's seized by an uncontrollable urge to purchase it, and her tiny house is overwhelmed with clown stuff. Her collection actually started as she was recovering from another addiction; while in therapy for extreme alcoholism, she seized on clowns as a substitute.

Eating Deodorant

There are many people in this world who have food-related addictions, but few are as weird as Nicole Jones, a young woman from New York City who has a compulsion to eat sticks of deodorant. She first started snacking on the substance when she was just four years old, but in her late teens it became a full-grown addiction. She sometimes eats a half a stick a day. Considering that roll-on deodorants are primarily composed of aluminum-infused wax, there are some serious health hazards involved. She also enjoys blasting deodorant spray right in her mouth.

Name: Iko Uwais

Age: 30

Notable Action Roles: The Raid: Redemption

Why He Could Be Big: If you saw "The Raid" this should come as no surprise. It was arguably the best action movie of 2011 and, not only did Uwais star in it, he was also the action choreographer which means he knows what an action movie should be all about.

Name: Chloe Grace Moretz

Age: 16

Notable Action Roles: Kick Ass, Let Me In

Why She Could Be Big: If you saw how badass she was in "Kick Ass" take a moment to realize that she was 12 when that movie was made. If she has that much potential as a child, give her a few years and she could be the next Milla Jovovich.

Name: Keira Knightley

Age: 28

Notable Action Roles: Domino, Pirates of the Caribbean, King Arthur

Why She Could Be Big: It's hard to tell if Knightley wants to be an action star or not. With "Domino," it was obvious that she had the chops to carry an action movie, but it hasn't been the norm for her. Let's hope we see more of this and less "Pride and Prejudice."

Name: Chris Hemsworth

Age: 29

Notable Action Roles: Thor, The Avengers, Star Trek Into Darkness

Why He Could Be Big: Sure he's Thor, but being a superhero doesn't necessarily mean you're an action star (See: Mark Ruffalo). "Red Dawn" wasn't necessarily good, but it was a remake of a classic action film that he carried quite well. Hopefully, this is just a sign of things to come for Hemsworth.

Name: Scott Adkins

Age: 37

Notable Action Roles: The Expendables 2, The Bourne Ultimatum

Why He Could Be Big: Adkins has been fantastic as a supporting role in some great action films, but it feels like he is on the brink of breaking out. Look for him next year in "Hercules 3D" for what should hopefully be a coming out party for him.

Name: Zachary Quinto

Age: 36

Notable Action Roles: Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness, 24

Why He Could Be Big: "Star Trek" has been an amazing opportunity to showcase what Quinto is capable of doing. He's an incredible actor, so if he could bring that talent to an action role, he could be something special.

Name: Michael B. Jordan

Age: 26

Notable Action Roles: Chronicle, The Wire, Gears of War 3

Why He Could Be Big: If you saw the surprise hit "Chronicle," you've seen that he has what it takes to steal a scene. He's charismatic and did a voice for Gears of War, the ultimate action role. Listen for him later this year as one of the voices in "Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox."

Name: Sam Worthington

Age: 36

Notable Action Roles: Clash of the Titans, Avatar, Terminator: Salvation

Why He Could Be Big: It's not a matter of if he'll be big, it's just a matter of when. He's been cranking out action films as well as the lead voice of the last two Call of Duty: Black Ops games. The next two years should be huge for him with "Avatar 2" and "Thunder Run" hitting theaters.

Name: Zoe Saldana

Age: 35

Notable Action Roles: Avatar, Star Trek, Colombiana

Why She Could Be Big: Saldana has taken the helm in a few movies that just haven't been strong enough, but with the success of "Star Trek" and "Avatar," the future looks incredibly bright for her.

Name: Daniel Radcliffe

Age: 23

Notable Action Roles: Harry Potter

Why He Could Be Big: Now that the insanely popular "Harry Potter" franchise has come to a close, Radcliffe can do almost anything he wants. The last few Potter films were full of action, so let's hope he leans more in that direction rather than films like "The Woman in Black."

Name: John Cena

Age: 36

Notable Action Roles: 12 Rounds, The Marine, WWE Wrestling

Why He Could Be Big: Unlike the smaller actors of today, Cena has the physique of the classic stars as well as a background in wrestling. We'll see if he ventures back into film or remains in the WWE. Why not both?

Name: Gina Carano

Age: 31

Notable Action Roles: Haywire, Fast & Furious 6

Why She Could Be Big: The former MMA fighter and American Gladiator has everything it takes to be a legitimate action star, including the ability to actually beat the crap out of you if she wants. Look for her later this year in John Stockwell's "In the Blood."

Name: Chris Pine

Age: 32

Notable Action Roles: Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness

Why He Could Be Big: Yet another action career that has the potential to explode thanks to "Star Trek." Pine has the best chance to be huge as he is set to star as "Jack Ryan" later this year in the Tom Clancy story by the same name.

Name: Dwayne Johnson

Age: 41

Notable Action Roles: Fast & Furious 6, GI Joe: Retalliation, Fast Five

Why He Could Be Big: Let's face it, if anyone has the potential to be the next huge action star, it's the artist formerly known as The Rock. His wrestling career became a launch pad for a monstrous movie career including next year's "Hercules: The Thracian Wars" and "Fast & Furious 7."

Name: Jason Momoa

Age: 33

Notable Action Roles: Game of Thrones, Conan the Barbarian

Why He Could Be Big: While "Conan the Barbarian" didn't light up the box office, it did give us a chance to see what Momoa was capable of doing. He's an intimidating physical specimen and, with the right role, could be an action star for years to come.

Name: Andrew Garfield

Age: 29

Notable Action Roles: The Amazing Spider-Man

Why He Could Be Big: This may be the biggest stretch on the list. Garfield is far from Van Damme but if he continues to book roles like Spider-Man, who knows what his career could transform into quite soon.

Name: Channing Tatum

Age: 33

Notable Action Roles: White House Down, Haywire, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Why He Could Be Big: Who would have thought the former exotic dancer and star of "Step Up" would have this kind of potential. If you think he's just a pretty face, check out some of his roles in movies like "Fighting" and "Haywire." "White House Down" wasn't a hit, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

Name: Tom Hardy

Age: 35

Notable Action Roles: Warriors, Inception, The Dark Knight Rises

Why He Could Be Big: Hardy landed two huge Christopher Nolan movies with "Inception," as well as the highly coveted role as a Batman villain in "The Dark Knight Rises."  Next year he has a slew of projects including taking over the role as Max in "Mad Max: Fury Road," so 2014 could be the year of Tom Hardy: Action Star.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

Genevieve Curran is another hot model from Australia, and what you see here are some sexy shots from her cover shoot for ZOO. The brown-eyed, raven-haired babe says that in order to be a great covergirl, you must have "killer eyes, a beautiful smile and a fun sense of humor." From what we can tell, she nailed it. Click ahead for more of the curvaceous Curran.

No. 9 - National Simplify Your Life Week (first week)

Ever get tired of tripping over toys and purses before realizing you don't have any kids, or a girlfriend for that matter? That's when you know it's gotten to be too much and it's time for a little clutter removal. Most things we have nearby we've convinced ourselves we need, like the hand-painted space shuttle you built in 4th grade with the water resistant decals and penis your brother drew on last week is definitely a must-have.

Only, your mind and your vision become clouded when all these things surround you. This first week of August, make an honest attempt to reevaluate the things you have and simplify your life. Your dog doesn't show you enough affection and slacks on its chores? Maybe it's time you got rid of it. No, don't do that. But do look at the stacks in your closet, the piles in the walkways and decide what can go, be donated or at the very least boxed up and moved into storage. From there, you'll feel a weightlessness you only read about in High Times.

No. 8 - X Games (August 1-4)

Then comes those events that defy all gravity and odds moments before making everyone watching appreciate the ground they walk on: the X Games. While no man is ever born into this world expected to hurl his body into the air before making miraculous landing and taking home the gold with his face on a box of cereal, some men do it anyway.

With the summer X Games taking place in Los Angeles, covering the likes of surfing, skating, skiing, snowboarding, BMX and motocross, we can expect guys younger than us to make us feel like real pussies this time of year. So if you feel like reaching for the remote is a lot of work, try to avoid flipping to ESPN the first week of August, when guys will be doing acrobatic action stunts that'll force you to return your balls next time you're at the store.

No. 7 - Peach Month

As summer becomes fall, we've got to soak up that tan as much as we can so as not to look like a ghost by Halloween, but we also have to eat all the produce before it goes bad. August is National Peach Month, a general appreciation for the ripe, juicy nectar of the fruit gods. A man's got to enjoy a good peach before it's no longer around to please him.

Grab a bundle, share them with the kids, hell, bake a cobbler if you have to. But one thing is for sure, peaches are also enjoyable as a flavor for your liquor, especially the Georgia Peach whiskey and bourbons that make your Old Fashioned taste like something the good lord might serve at his dinners.

No. 6 - National Golf Month

Time to get out the clubs and start smacking a few balls at moving cars again. August is National Golf Month, most likely because, in most states, it's one of the last months for those early sunrise mornings to hit the greens, dodge responsibility and drive wildly on a motorized cart. Even if you're not a golfer it's a good time. Ironically, it's not that relaxing if you suck, so if that's the case, at least head to the driving range where form and aim are nothing compared to smacking and screaming at the ball like it's your ex-wife.

And to sweeten the pot, the PGA Championship starts up this month beginning August 5. With 156 players and nothing better to watch on your television, golf trumps getting some fresh air when you're sick to death of this cursed summer heat.

No. 5 - National Thrift Shop Day (August 17)

Quit shopping at the Gap and making yourself look like every other useless excuse for man. Get yourself some jeans that are broken in at the crotch, a jacket that has a story behind it, and warm yourself by the bonfire with something that didn't crawl out of a J. Crew catalog.

If you've never been thrifting before, it's a great way to style yourself while learning a thing or two about not looking like your mother dressed you, even if she still does. Find someone who knows the lay of the land and hit up some good spots. You'll find the clothes are cheaper, better and girls will be stealing them more quickly after your most recent one-night stand.

No. 4 - U.S. Open (August 26-September 9)

Do any of you guys really care about tennis? I think I hear one of you screaming in the cheap seats. The U.S. Open is set to make some racket in New York starting on August 26, expecting to bring in some of this year's biggest rivalries and hopefully a milestone or two. Andy Murray is one of a few players that people will bet their first born to take home the trophy, especially after smoking the heavy favorite, Novak Djokovic, in Wimbledon last month.

The 2013 U.S. Open is suspected to bring in its largest viewership in years this time around, which can only mean one thing: nervous ball boys are more likely to split their shorts or eat some turf chasing the neon treasure.

No. 3 - National Dog Day (August 26)

You can never over-appreciate something as sweet as a pup. Whether yours is young and pees the rug or old and really pees the rug, treat your dog well, just like you should everyday. Get some of those special overpriced treats they love or find a peanut butter bone they can chew on all day, and while they do that, sit in complete gratitude for having this carpet-terrorizing hairball in your life.

If you don't have a dog, then this is your lucky day. There are very few reasons for not having one and endless lists for why you should adopt. If you're lazy, lacking initiative to leave the house before noon or are hurting from your Tinder dates canceling on you, maybe it's time to find love in another place.

No. 2 - College Football (August 29)

It's back, baby! The grunting of young men, smashing of helmets and making of poor referee calls has returned, and they're still not paying these kids a dime (at least not openly). College football is back on the field beginning at the end of the month, starting with Fox Sports 1 airing a Utah/Utah St. matchup to see who is the better team in this open marriage territory. With plenty of games to occupy your free time, including a top-ranked showdown between Georgia and Clemson on Aug. 31, expect a lot of crazy action, not to mention a few firsts, including Notre Dame's first appearance on Fox since 2007. Should be something to get the fans riled up.

Fairlie Arrow, 1991

Famous people have to deal with the threat of kidnapping at all times. Semi-famous people? Not so much. Fairlie Arrow was an Australian singer paying the bills by singing in a casino lounge in 1991. She obviously aspired for more, so she constructed an elaborate abduction scheme in collaboration with her manager Bob Deering. She vanished on December 15, 1991, and the media immediately seized on Deering's theory that a crazed fan had grabbed her. In reality, she was holed up in a motel room five miles from her house, enjoying the media's extensive coverage. To end it, she was found bound and blindfolded by a roadside, but when one of the motel's cleaners recognized her on TV, the jig was up.

Matthew Robillard, 2013

If you lost two million dollars that wasn't yours, what would you do? Freak out for sure, but maybe not like Matthew Robillard did. The Alberta, Canada man went missing in January 2013, and police found his car abandoned in an industrial area near the Calgary airport with a smashed window. Robillard reappeared two days later with cuts and burns all over his body that he attributed to a group of abductors, but police quickly determined the story was fake and the man was trying to obscure the fact that he'd lost $2 million of his father-in-law's money in bad investments.

Jennifer Wilbanks, 2005

Few cases have captured the tabloid mind quite like Jennifer Wilbanks, the Runaway Bride. In April 2005, Wilbanks was preparing to marry her fiancé John Mason when she mysteriously disappeared. A few days later, she called from a pay phone claiming that she'd just been kidnapped by a Caucasian man and a Hispanic woman in their 40s who had snatched her into a blue van, sexually assaulted her and held her for three days. After a tearful reunion with her family, Wilbanks recanted her story to the police, admitting that the pressures of the upcoming wedding were just too much for her. She later broke up with her fiancé and then sued him for good measure.

Pawan Verma, 2010

Kidnapping is widely regarded as a financially-motivated crime, with ransom sums being in the five or six figures. So when Indian man Pawan Verma realized that he didn't have the cash to fund a lavish trip to Macau, he decided to think outside the box. His father, a successful shopowner in New Delhi, received a terrifying call where he was told his son was being held hostage and wouldn't be released without a payment of 20 lakh (around $45,000). When Verma's father paid up, the cops staked out the pickup area and arrested Pawan when he grabbed the cash bag. Needless to say, his dream vacation didn't happen.

Rahmel Pettway, 2013

Many of the people who fake their own kidnapping are looking to get away from something that they consider far worse. In the case of New York petty criminal Rahmel Pettway, it was the wrath of a woman scorned. Pettway was absent from his home for two weeks without informing his girlfriend of his location, so to cover his tracks he decided to convince her that he'd been snatched. Police found him wedged in between two cars in Harlem with his arms and legs duct-taped. He claimed that a pair of men in a light blue minivan had grabbed him off the street in Brooklyn, held him for a time and then released him, but the cops knew he was lying when they noticed that the roll of tape was still hanging from his wrist.

Joanna Grenside, 1992

People fake their abductions for all sorts of reasons, but Christmas? That's a new one. British woman Joanna Grenside vanished from the sports center where she worked as an aerobics instructor on December 15th, and after police found her rape alarm next to her abandoned Ford Escort they set up a massive search that involved underwater divers and helicopters. Grenside turned up covered in mud two days later and told police that she'd been abducted and held prisoner. It later turned out that she'd faked the whole thing because she was a serious bulimic and couldn't handle the high-calorie foods that were served at Christmas parties.

Jules Croiset, 1987

It's kind of amazing that more actors haven't faked kidnappings. It plays perfectly into their skills, and can be a serious publicity boost. Jules Croiset was a Dutch Jewish actor who had been active in a campaign to bar an anti-Semitic play by Rainer Werner Fassbinder from being performed in Amsterdam. In December 1987, Creuset disappeared in Brussels, and when he was next seen he told authorities that three Neo-Nazi youth had grabbed him, held him captive and tortured him, ripping his Star of David from his neck and painting a swastika on his back. Several threatening letters had been sent to his family as well, but under questioning Croiset admitted that he made the whole ordeal up and sent the letters himself.

Audrey Seiler, 2004

When love is fading from a relationship, sometimes people will do crazy things to get it back. Audrey Seiler was a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin who was dating a fella named Ryan Fisher. When Fisher started to pay less attention to Audrey, the young lady freaked out and hatched a harebrained scheme to get him back. She disappeared from her apartment on March 27, 2004 and was found four days later lying in a marsh. Seiler told police that a man had abducted her at knifepoint, but a videotape from a nearby store showed her purchasing duct tape, rope, a knife and cold medicine - the exact tools used in the attack.

You're drunk, sign. Go home.

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