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Sideline Reporter Fails: A Hilarious GIF Collection

August 21, 2013, 2:24 am
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The Funniest Yahoo! Answers, Vol. 3

August 21, 2013, 2:30 am
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Today's Funniest Photos 8-21-13

August 21, 2013, 2:32 am
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Amy Willerton is a Busty Beauty Pageant Babe

August 21, 2013, 5:16 am
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Natasha Oakley Loves Showing Off Her Bod in Bikinis

August 21, 2013, 5:31 am
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'Homemade Movies' Recreates 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' 1990 Trailer

August 21, 2013, 7:42 am
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Every week, our friends at CineFix release a new homemade shot-for-shot video that recreates either a movie trailer or famous movie scene (like this one from "Star Wars"), all without any added visual effects. This week, "Homemade Movies" has pulled off my favorite video yet, taking on the 1990 trailer of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Check it out, and then take a look at the side-by-side comparison below to see how they did.

Related: 23 Fun Facts About the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Movie

 

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Luisa Zissman From the UK "Apprentice" Likes to Party

August 21, 2013, 6:57 am
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The Sticky on Outlawing Marijuana

August 21, 2013, 11:54 pm
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For more than 10,000 years, the sticky, icky green herb known as cannabis has been budding across our fertile lands, but it's only within recent history - less than one percent of its existence - that a questionable ban on the non-addictive plant has been placed. Now, marijuana struggles to find its way back to the light hempfest, marijuana in americaof legality despite clear, legitimate validation. After being labeled as a top-tier illegal narcotic in the United States in early 1900s, people are slowly shifting from their slight oversights of the "drug" back towards a cheap, multi-beneficial medicinal cure-crop with more positive potential than ever.

If you're on the opposing team and vote against this miracle plant, I challenge you to read on. The rest of you 50 million American grass smokers can light up and educate yourselves as well about your little green friend.

Short History

For people who don't know, cannabis (or marijuana) can also be made into hemp, the largest agriculture crop for thousands of years until the mid-1800s with thousands of uses. In fact, there used to be government laws ordering people to grow hemp in order to improve the economy. Ironic.

In the early 1900s, yellow journalism, which is based more on exaggeration than fact, depicted cannabis as Satan's snack-time friend. This mixed with hemp's potential to outproduce other major industries - pharmaceutical, liquor and timber - led to its banning around the time of alcohol prohibition and illegalization of recreational drugs like opiates and cocaine. Around World War II, it was again legalized until the war ended, as its reputation went from violent narcotic to a useless peacekeeper. Then again in 1970, the government reversed its opinion, saying pot was more harmful than drugs like cocaine while meth was still legal, mind you "Breaking Bad" lovers.

Today, the budding ganja is slowly becoming legalized through individual state voting but not supreme federal law, which is sort of like giving a kid a convertible for his first car and telling him he can't put the top down. Although there are laws in place to deter people from smoking, the actual rate of cannabis smokers is not affected. People who want to smoke are going to smoke, so why not be smart about how they get theirs?

Clear False Fear

Most problems people have with cannabis come from over-hyped media mongers and political wackos who feel the need to take the easy position against cannabis, despite its medicinal benefits, firing erroneous fear messages at parents about their children instead of addressing more important issues such as health in cafeterias or education in general.

Most uneducated parents and politicians believe it's a gateway substance, a steppingstone to bigger, more harmful drugs like heroin or meth. Marijuana, however, has zero addictive qualities, meaning any further trips down the rabbit hole are induced by street sellers who offer a bigger bang while handing out their plastic baggies. Making cannabis legal to purchase once at the age of 21 would decrease drugs in the streets, reducing its reputation as a gateway drug to zero as dealers go out of work, and pot shops would take over selling in limited, regulated and safe doses.

If you're afraid your child will turn into a worthless pile of discarded Cheeto bags, teach them about it the same way you plan on discussing the birds, bees and booze. If you think nobody who smokes a little schwag ever amounts to anything, take a quick look at music, art and film history.

Real Truths

Unlike alcohol and tobacco, the top two killers in America every single year, nobody has ever died from pot overdose, nor do you often hear of pot-related accidents outside of eating all the food in someone's cupboard. In fact, it's actually easier to kill yourself by overdosing on coffee than it is to smoke yourself to death with cannabis. Tobacco, on the other hand, kills more than 400,000 people annually, but greedy corporations are happy to keep wheeling out the cancer cartons so long as smokers are okay scooting 20 feet from the door.

Imagine if prohibition were to be reintroduced to our society. Alcohol corporations would crumble and every man down to the social drinker would have a fit on some politician's doorstep, not to mention the number of guys who would never get laid again. As far as marijuana is conmarijuana plantcerned, many people depend on these plants in their daily lives, as opposed to nobody who depends on alcohol prescriptions from their doctor. As with anything mistreated or overused, there can be adverse effects like drowsiness, lethargy and bad music produced, but those symptoms are a hell of a lot better than blurred vision, vomiting, hangovers or liver failure.

Medicinal

Weed is practically a curse word in some households, synonymous with laziness and impure thoughts, but in actuality, studies have shown that cannabis doesn't kill brain cells, but rather promotes cell growth and stimulates the mind. Ever wonder why you have rare, interesting thoughts when you're high?

You may not realize it, but many people rely on cannabis products - buds, oils or edibles - for pain, anxiety and disease treatment everyday of their lives. Doobie-toking California councilman, Bill Rosendahl, recently took a stand to inform people his cancer had gone into remission, claiming, "I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for marijuana."

And to be clear, people don't need Mary Jane to be lazy; those are the types who only believe in the importance of being idle. When used correctly - buying the right strain for your symptoms and using it responsibly - users can experience a better lifestyle, including better sleep, productivity or pain management, as opposed to the guy who rips a bong of the purple and sees a hazy marathon of "Rocky" films.

Economic Potential

It's estimated that legalizing marijuana would gain nearly $14 billion annually through taxation revenue and savings for our economy. Instead, billions in tax dollars (8.7 billion in 2010) are spent wasting time in court systems to punish users of the benign substance, as opposed to giving them the same ticket for smoking a cigarette underage. There's nearly 60,000 incarcerated each year for marijuana use. Who are these people harming? Certainly not themselves, as cannabis cannot be solely linked to a single case of lung cancer or emphysema.

States like California who find themselves dozens of billions in debt are perfect examples of those who can help themselves out of debt by putting a modestly priced tax on cannabis, but instead deny themselves the benefit while pot shops continue to open their doors to pretty much anybody with 40 bucks and a pair of lips.

Not everybody is expected to use cannabis, but it can benefit everybody in different ways, even if it just improves the economic climate you swear about everyday. We're not advocating the use of marijuana or any cannabis related products, but instead educating readers about one of the most misinterpreted topics on the planet. Plus, we're all out of Cheetos and have nothing better to do.

 

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The Most Toxic Vacation Destinations Around The World

August 22, 2013, 12:58 am
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  • mattdente via Flickr
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    Vacation season is almost over. Before it is, don't bother going to the same boring old beaches and resorts. Instead, thrill the whole family with an adventure to some of the world's most poisonous and dangerous destinations?

    Book a trip to one of these places and we guarantee that you'll have a story worth telling afterwards, assuming you survive. (Guarantee not legally binding. Don't actually go to any of these places because they might kill you.)

    BERKELEY OPEN PIT MINE, BUTTE, MONTANA

    For all of you who've traveled through the gorgeous plains and mountains of Big Sky Country and thought to themselves, "this is okay, but what I'd really like to see is a huge pool of acidic mine tailings," you're in luck. Admission to the Berkeley Pit's viewing platform is only two dollars!

    From there, you can gaze upon the metallic lake that once claimed the lives of 342 unsuspecting geese, who chose the Pit as a rest stop during their southern migration only to die of massive internal organ damage.

    The town of Butte is perversely proud of their toxic tourist trap, since after the copper mining industry that first created the pit dried up, the Pit and its oddly scenic barrenness are one of the city's few attractions.

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    LINFEN, SHANXI PROVINCE, CHINA

    For years, the green and fertile city of Linfen was known as "The Modern Fruit and Flower Town," a nickname which is presumably snappier in the original Chinese. In 1978, however, the discovery of rich veins of coal and other minerals led to a massive mining and industrial boom.

    Combined with the famously lax environmental standards of the People's Republic, this boom created a pollution crisis so severe that at its peak citizens of Linfen could look forward to only fifteen days of "acceptable" levels of air pollution per year.

    With air pollution believed to be responsible for the deaths of 700,000 Chinese people each year, the government has grudgingly passed tougher industrial regulations and promoted cleaner sources of energy, but it may be too little too late for most of Linfen's modern fruits and flowers.

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    KABWE, CENTRAL PROVINCE, ZAMBIA

    The second largest and first deadliest city of Zambia, Kabwe-Ka Mukuba (meaning "ore" or "smelting" in the local language) was the country's industrial center and for a brief period home of the largest mines in Africa.

    Like many other cities around the world named for minerals or industrial processes, Kabwe is a poisonous mess, and after the mines closed the heavy metals in the tailings began to seek into the soil and groundwater.

    As a result, the citizens are ill, the crops are barren, and even if anybody was healthy and well-fed enough to work there aren't any jobs to be had. Recent efforts to rehabilitate the town have focused on its potential for tourism.

    Visitors have much to see in and around the city such as the Mulungushi Rock of Authority, the Big Tree National Monument, the Lukanga Swamp, and thousands of people who are slowly dying of lead poisoning.

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    ALNWICK POISON GARDEN, ALNWICK, ENGLAND

    The Alnwick Garden is one of England's largest, a 250-year-old possession of the dukes and duchesses of Northumberland that in recent years has been revived with a unique twist: a whole section of plants that want to kill you.

    While not every plant in the garden is deadly (the garden also contains narcotic plants like poppies, tobacco, and cannabis) certain examples are so dangerous that they're grown in cages just in case curious/stupid tourists manage to ignore or misread the many signs and verbal warnings not to taste, touch, or even smell anything.

    If you've somehow managed to get past the tour guides, cages, and armed guards to cram some random leaves into your mouth, magical medical aid can be sought next door at Alnwick Castle, which moviegoers may recognize as the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft from the smash hit film Johnny Mysto: Boy Wizard.

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    DZERZHINSK, NIZHNY NOVGOROD OBLAST, RUSSIA

    Having been named after ruthless secret police chief Felix Dzerzhinsky, it was appropriate that Dzerzhinsk became one of the USSR's secret cities and capital of its chemical weapons industry.

    When the Russian Federation grudgingly opened the city to foreigners, visitors discovered a city where the death rate exceeded the birth rate by 260%, the average life expectancy was 47 years old, and the water supply bore seventeen million times the safe limit of contaminants.

    Today, Dzerzhinsk is alleged to be the safest and least poisonous as it has been in the past eighty years, but not due to any action from the local or national government.

    Many of the chemical factories that used to dump their waste into the water supply have since gone out of business, leaving the town economically depressed but considerably healthier.

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    ILHA DE QUEIMADA GRANDE, SAO PAULO, BRAZIL

    This island off the Brazilian coast was officially named "Island of the Big Fire" after a slash-and-burn operation to establish a banana plantation, but the more popular name is "Snake Island" for the primary reason the banana plantation failed: an unbelievably large population of lethally poisonous snakes.

    Biologists estimate that Snake Island features about one venomous serpent per square meter, so on average every step you take will land you on top of a different deadly, angry reptile.

    The island is also the home of the golden lancehead pit-viper, whose venom is so profoundly powerful it can rot the flesh off its victims bones. All in all, the island seems to have little to recommend it except for one thing: no scientist or theory can explain why such a small and isolated place should have such a bewildering number of deadly snakes. A

    s is the case in any situation that modern science can't explain, we can only conclude that this strange phenomena is the work of ancient aliens.

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    LA OROYOA, YAULI PROVINCE, PERU

    Breathing is already tough enough on the high plateau of the Altiplano, so when you add in the atmospheric effects of an aging smelting plant you get an environment where every labored breath of high mountain air you draw is likely to do your body as much harm as good.

    Lead is the principal product of the town's mines and industrial plant and appears in the soil, groundwater, and even the air. It's estimated that some 99% of the community's children have lead toxicity levels three times the safe limit.

    While in recent years the plant has been able to implement a few modern safety improvements, the smelting operation's economic importance is such that deadlines for meeting ecological guidelines are often missed with little consequence.

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    ZONE OF ALIENATION, PRIPYAT, THE UKRAINE

    A restricted security area/national park of some thirty square kilometers, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant Zone of Alienation is remarkably tourist-friendly considering that it was established to contain the aftereffects of the world's worst nuclear accident.

    After the release of the game STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl and Pripyat's cameo appearance in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, public interest grew to the point where the Ukrainian government had to establish mounted patrols along the perimeter of the Zone to prevent fans of radioactivity from getting themselves into trouble.

    Unauthorized tourism isn't the only problem the Zone faces, however, as many impoverished citizens from the surrounding towns in Belarus and the Ukraine trespass to steal wiring, cut lumber, and even poach the occasional glowing deer.

    There are even permanent residents of the Zone to look out for, mostly elderly former citizens who couldn't find employment or housing anywhere else, but in a few cases illegal immigrants squatting in abandoned homes who are as hostile to visitors as they are to common sense.

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    MIYAKEJIMA, IZU ARCHIPELAGO, JAPAN

    The lush and lovely islands of the Izu Island group are an ideal tourist destination for anyone who wishes to suffocate under a noxious pile of scalding ash. While many of the Japanese islands were formed volcanically, Miyakejima's Mount Oyama is still very much active and dangerous, and a series of eruptions in 2000 forced the evacuation of the island's two small communities as they were covered in lava and blanketed with poisonous gas.

    The citizens of Miyakemura were permitted back in 2005, but the fact that Mount Oyama continues to leak sulfuric gas means that citizens must keep gas masks with them at all times in case the level of toxins should suddenly spike.

    As a side note, virtually every website to report on Miyakejima or the Izu islands have done so using an iconic sepia photograph of a town full of people all wearing gas masks.

    This is almost certainly a photo of a French community during WWI. We here at Mandatory are proud to lead the field in knowing the difference between Japanese things and French things ever since we got thrown out of a sushi bar for drunkenly demanding an order of crepes.

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    Next: The 20 Worst Aspects of Air Travel

    VOZROZHDENIYA, ARAL SEA, KAZAKHSTAN

    Formerly known as "Rebirth Island," Vozrozhdeniya is today no longer an island or likely to feature the rebirth of anything other than a smallpox pandemic. From 1948 until 1992, the island was home to the Soviet Union's primary Microbiological Warfare Group, a center for the production, testing, and weaponization of anthrax, tularemia, the bubonic plague, and lots of other things that you would prefer to have on an island in the Aral Sea as far away from population centers as possible.

    Unfortunately, the waters of the Aral receded so far as to leave Vozrozhdeniya a peninsula, and even more unfortunately, Soviet defectors revealed that the abandoned lab complex still contained some 200 tons of weapons-grade anthrax.

    The icing on the cake came when former general Pyotr Burgasov revealed that the Vozrozhdeniya installation had not only participated in smallpox development but had actually released it in 1971, killing several scientists and prompting one of the Soviet Union's largest public health responses.

    The threat that something nasty might still crawl out of a test tube prompted a five-million-dollar multinational cleanup effort between the governments of Russia, Kazakhstan, and the United States, but it's still not advisable to go out there and lick the petri dishes.

 

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Today's Funniest Photos 8-22-13

August 22, 2013, 1:18 am
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A Very Important Interview With The Iron Sheik

August 22, 2013, 1:32 am
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the iron sheik
by Katie Mathewson

The second we found out that semi-retired Iranian pro wrestler, The Iron Sheik, had a Twitter account, we prayed that it was really him. Sure enough, the 73-year-old legend is a diligent -- and verified -- tweeter. What does Hulk Hogan's former opponent say in 140 characters or less? Well, sometimes the Sheik asks his 321,000 followers to support the IndieGoGo campaign he's created to fund a documentary about his life and career (or else "go fuck yourself"). The rest of the time, "The Legend" impresses us with his pop culture savvy and his very strong opinions on celebs from Drake to Alex Rodriguez. Naturally, we wanted to know who he thinks is "the real" and who are big time "jabronis." Read our interview to find out straight from The Iron Sheik himself.

KATIE: Sheik, we love how involved you are with pop culture. Even more than that, we love your opinions on who is the real and who is a jabroni. In your humble opinion, who are the 5 celebs who are the MOST real (AKA your top 5 favorite) and why?

THE IRON SHEIK: THANK YOU INTELLIGENT KATIE LADY. YOU SHOW ME YOU ARE THE REAL LADY PRINCESS DIANA YOU ASK ME WHO IS THE REAL.

The people who are the real to me:

1. The Willie Geist
He is the real new Matt Lauer. He new generation he respect the old generation and he know that I can beat the fuck out of the Piece of dead dog shit Geraldo. He never cross the legend that way I love him forever.

2. The Roseanne Barr
She queen comedian. She love the legend. She know I sold out Madison Square Garden and I love her but never have sex with her. God bless her.

3. Rob Thomas, the Action Bronson and the Riff Raff
Both the musicians they know who I am and they know I come from oldest country in the world and if I want my words like the music. I forever love them like the Frank Sinatra.

4. Steve Howey from the Shameless
He have the sex with black woman on show and he happy that way still I respect him. He good friend of mine and I he #teamsheikie.

5. Anthony Bourdain
He make the food he make the world news. He know who is the real gold medal. He know what I can do. I know what he can do. He like the Jesus. He the best.
the iron sheik, world heavyweight champion belt
KATIE: As a follow up, who do you think are the 5 biggest jabronis (AKA the celebs you hate the most) and why?

THE IRON SHEIK: Easy question:

1. A-rod
He dumb son of a bitch jabroni mexican lowlife son of a bitch. He pretend not to do the medicine. Everybody know he have mouse dick and he act like he real. He worse than the ultimate warrior. Fuck him.

2. Amanda Bynes
She dumbest bitch in the world. She look worse than dead dog and she deserve to get camel clutched. Forever go fuck yourself.

3. Chris Brown
He is another lowlife piece of shit no good motherfucker. He beat the woman everybody in the world should know he is biggest douchebag. I hate him and his music worse than dead dog crying. Fuck him and his father.

4. Justin Bieber
He think he Elvis. Not yet. Till now he panic he not ready for hall of fame. He deserve suplex on driveway of my house.

5. Wale
Whatever the fuck his name is. He talk shit about my brother the David Otunga. He think the wrestling not the real. Tell him and his midget dick to come see me and I break his face with my boot and make him humble so he know what real is.

KATIE: We're very excited about "Iranian Legend: The Iron Sheik Story." Tell us what made you want to create this film and what you think people will love the most about it.

THE IRON SHEIK: My movie going to be the best. I work hard all my life and now I show the people how I come from oldest country in the world to live the America dream. This way I know if you love the legend and you know why I talk with the heart and tell the people how I feel. You see why and how I become the legend and forever be the greatest.

I'm the legend. I always be the legend. You support me even on my store www.theironsheik.org and I love you. Otherwise go fuck yourself forever.

Top photo via Sportz Wiki, bottom photo by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images

 

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Simon Pegg and Nick Frost on Ice Cream and 'The World's End'

August 22, 2013, 1:42 am
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the worlds end, simon pegg, nick frost

The scene: I'm sitting in a Manhattan hotel suite, awaiting the arrival of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, stars of the upcoming "The World's End." The apocalyptic comedy sees Pegg and Frost reuniting with long time friend and collaborator Edgar Wright to finish off their unofficial "Three Flavors: Cornetto" trilogy (alongside "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz," all three films feature a nod to a flavor of Cornetto ice cream). I stare down at the coffee table at a copy of Town & Country magazine with "The Lone Ranger" star Armie Hammer on the cover and consider another trip over to the pastry table when Pegg enters. He says hello, and settles in...

SIMON: Ah, I see my copy of Town & Country has arrived. [Picks it up] I'm still slightly surprised to learn that he's just one person after Social Network. It's totally amazing, man.

MANDATORY: The guy's had such bad luck. Always on the cusp...

SIMON: I know. I haven't seen "The Lone Ranger" yet. But it sounds like a bit of a train wreck.

MANDATORY: Yeah. I mean...$250 million? How could it ever earn all that back?

SIMON: It's bad money after bad money. These films - everything gets thrown into them and then there's a scramble to fix them and they just keep throwing money at it. It's like throwing money into...a fire. [laughs] I think necessity is the mother of invention. We could not go over $30 million on this movie, because if we did we would have entered a whole new tax problem. So we literally could not go over $30 million, there was no option of overrunning. So we did everything we could to bring it in on budget and once we were sort of getting to the end of post production there were still effects shots we needed it was like going to the company and being like, "Look, do you want it to look like this or do you want it to look like that?" And they'd go, "OK, we'll charge less for this." You know? [laughs] But when you've got limitless resources, I think it's dangerous. You get these ridiculous follies...I mean, the amount of human lives that could have been saved with that money...the amount of babies that wouldn't have died...

MANDATORY: If you start thinking like that, you'll go insane.

SIMON: Yeah, I know...

MANDATORY: But did you take every chance anyway to walk around the set of The World's End going, "Well, you know, on Star Trek, we had this...and this..."

SIMON: [laughs] Yeah, I did actually.

[At this point, Frost enters. He greets us, then heads right for the pastries.]

NICK: Don't mind me, I'm gonna...

SIMON: Yeah, dig in. Please.

MANDATORY: OK, so it's typical in movies that when groups of people are under duress, their true natures come out. Is that the same after three movies? Have you learned ugly truths about your friends and collaborators?

NICK: [From across the room] Yeah!

SIMON: Yeah. The thing about us is that the working relationship is fundamentalized by a social one which existed, particularly with me and Nick, prior to us working together, and as such we have a relationship which is more familial than if we were just colleagues. So we can put up with all sorts of shit from each other and absorb it and understand it and...

NICK: Or not. You also get to a point where that friendship enables you to say, you, know, "Enough."

SIMON: "Stop being so fucking grumpy, Edgar." [laughs]

NICK: Which you couldn't say to someone, you know, that you didn't know so well.

MANDATORY: Do you know each other's buttons? Like, if you want to piss off Edgar you know all you have to do is nitpick the lighting or something because you know that'll get to him?

SIMON: Oh god yeah. Edgar's got more buttons than a fucking remote control.

NICK: Well, in terms of the lighting, you wouldn't have to. Because that's Edgar's thing. Him and Bill Pope lit the shit out this, beautifully. The thing about Edgar on set and us, because we are so close, he probably never talks to us, on set. Because we are so close, that enables you to not get moody about that.

SIMON: He's not always telling us what to do.

NICK: Because that's just how it is. He's not there to pander to our needs in terms of what we want - he's making a film. And it's our job to do what we can do to help facilitate that for him. In terms of being producers on the movie, too, you know.

SIMON: Our job, when we work together, with Edgar particularly, is to give him the space to be as insular and angsty as he wants to be because we deal with the front of house, we keep the crew happy, we make sure the energy on set's up, and that the atmosphere is good and that we're all feeling very productive. Edgar, when he doesn't work with us, he has to be on his best behavior. And that can sometimes be creatively stifling. He can't sit there scratching his beard going, [adopts whiny, high-pitched voice] "Ehhh, Whaa?" [laughs] So maybe he doesn't solve problems as well.

MANDATORY: So no weepy phone calls from the cast of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, then?

SIMON: [Laughs] yeah, right. "Who is this monster?"

NICK: Well, no, he'd have to be on his best behavior.

SIMON: And there were lots of pretty girls in that, as well.

NICK: Yeah, exactly.

the worlds end, simon pegg, nick frost

MANDATORY: Have you noticed a real change in your dynamic from Shaun of the Dead up to now?

SIMON: I noticed a change in Edgar from Spaced until now. I've seen his talent expand. He was always gonna be a film director, even when we were making small television. He didn't belong on television, his ideas were too cinematic. It's been thrilling to see him evolve and I love working with him because I feel like we are plugged into such an awesome creative resource with Edgar - right back to Spaced, when I showed him the script for the first time and he went, "Yeah, we can do this and this and this... " and I was like, "Wow, you totally get this. You're like in my head." But, yeah, he's a little bit more temperamental than he used to be, perhaps, because when things don't get done, he feels it. He's not very good at facing the word "No" particularly, but he's a perfectionist. And you can't argue with perfectionism.

NICK: That's the thing, too. You can't. Do you want to make something that's mediocre? Or do you want stay over and work three hours over to make sure it's perfect? You can't argue with him...sadly.

MANDATORY: Have either of you picked up any actual survival skills from any of these movies?

NICK: I did a whole season of this show called Danger 50,000 Volts - and that's what it was about, surviving weird things, and apocalypses, and alligator attacks. I was hospitalized a bunch of times doing that.

MANDATORY: Did that show ever make its way over to America?

NICK: Only on DVD.

SIMON: It's like $40! It's ridiculously expensive.

NICK: Yeah, it's really expensive.

MANDATORY: Which of your group would be killed and eaten first?

SIMON: Edgar.

NICK: [nods]

MANDATORY: Who would taste the best, though?

SIMON: Nick. Because you're a very good chef, and you eat a lot of very good food. So you've been nourished on fine stuff. Your forearms would be a fucking delight.

NICK: Like a pig eatin' acorns. [both laugh] But Edgar'd be so sweet.

SIMON: But he eats such a lot of shit, Edgar.

NICK: I'm eatin' a fucking muffin!

MANDATORY: The whole concept of a "Cornetto Trilogy" started as kind of a goof, but caught on. Do you worry you may have painted yourselves into a corner? Like people expect you to be done now or something?

SIMON: In some respects. Cornetto became the most facile, easy way of defining the three films as a piece. It was like, "OK, you can go on about the loss of identity or perpetual adolescence or the notions of friendship that bind the films together...or we can say it's ice cream." Ice cream's so much easier. It became apparent to us, during Hot Fuzz when we referred back to Shaun of the Dead with the repeat of the Cornetto line, which you know--

NICK: --just hoping we'd get free ice cream at the premiere. Which didn't happen.

SIMON: So when some journalist was like, "Oh, is this your defining feature?" We were like...."Yeeees?" But it's a neat way of defining the criteria for these movies, which is quite specific. They're all set in the UK, they're all set now, they're contemporary, they're all about loss of identity and they're all about the manchild thing...whether it's good or bad, it's not entirely celebratory of that whole manchild idea. The next film we all make together, we won't have to abide by any of that criteria. We can set it in the 40s, in Yugoslavia...

NICK: [mock serious] The Archduke Ferdinand story?

SIMON: Yeah, that's the one. Oh no, that was 1914...We can make it work.

the worlds end, simon pegg, nick frost

MANDATORY: In the Hot Fuzz commentary, you joked that the third film, which would include the "mint" flavored Cornetto, would have to be set in the arctic. Did World's End actually go through a lot of weird permutations?

SIMON: No, it was weirdly kind of...it was simply that Edgar had had this idea about the strange sense of ennui you get when you go back to your home town and it feels simultaneously the same and different. You get a sense of alienation from what you know so well...and we thought, well obviously, what is more literal "alienation" than aliens, you know? Wouldn't it be funny if we attributed the sense of loss you get when you return home to an actual alien invasion? And that was it. That was 2007. We came back together in 2011, I think at the right time as well, because we were older, 40...and we sort of put the idea together in its more complex form which is what you see in The World's End. It actually went through very few permutations...it came fully formed. And actually, looking back at the writing process, it almost wrote itself.

MANDATORY: Do you now have to sit through meetings where studio heads will pitch you other Cornetto flavor-themed movies?

NICK: [laughs] We get that on Twitter a lot.

MANDATORY: Like, "What would Hazelnut be?"

SIMON: Well, those have only just come out. There were only three originals. I dunno if it's off the back of the success of the trilogy...

NICK: They brought out 8 new flavors or something.

SIMON: They want us to make more films to sell their ice cream for free.

NICK: We'd be doing bits of junket press around London, and someone would show up wherever we were with boxes of Cornettos. We'd be like, "Nah, don't want 'em." Apart from Edgar, who'd be like, [same whiny, high-pitched voice] "Yeeeah...put 'em in the freezer!"

SIMON: That's why Edgar wouldn't taste nice. But like Nick said, a lot of people on Twitter will say, [adopts same voice] "Hey, why don't you-[laughs] I went into that voice! The Edgar voice. "Hey, listen, why don't you, um..." I think people just assume we pull genres out of a hat. We don't. Really, we've adopted these populist ideas to say more substantial things. It would be a very specific audience for a film about a down on his luck guy who's trying to prove to himself and his girlfriend that he's a man, and it would be a very particular audience for a comedy about male bonding and about alcoholism and conformity, but you stick some aliens in that or some police cars or zombies and we've got a bigger audience.

NICK: We get a lot of people on Twitter saying that thing where they go, "Hey, I've got the most amazing idea for you guys. You have to DM me. Seriously." [laughs]

MANDATORY: One of the Cornetto flavors is called Enigma, which is clearly baiting you guys to do something.

NICK: That's all flavors. And none. That's a new one, isn't it?

SIMON: 'Cause you eat it and you're like, "What the fuck does that taste like?"

MANDATORY: A few weeks ago, another apocalyptic ensemble comedy called This is the End came out... if you could swap one of your guys for one of theirs, who would you take?

NICK: I'd want Craig Robinson.

SIMON: Yeah, I love Craig. He's brilliant. Those guys are really funny, that film is a very, very funny film. I think it's kind of cool in a way, it's indicative, that this whole notion of the end of the world is on everyone's mind. Not just these two films, but there's After Earth and Oblivion and World War Z and Superman and all these things are apocalyptic...and it's all because of A) the turn of the century and B) the Mayan apocalypse which had been coming up for ages, people had been talking about it so people were like, Hey, we should make a film like that...Anyway, that's not your question. [laughs] I thought Jonah [Hill] was very funny in that movie.

NICK: I haven't seen it.

SIMON: But, yeah, I'd take Craig.

MANDATORY: Who would you send over in exchange?

NICK: No one, we'd just kind of snatch him.

SIMON: We'd pretend we were going to send someone, but send a dummy. We'll throw a bag over its head and say it's Martin Freeman, but it would be some guy...

NICK: "There's a little Hobbit inside this here..."

SIMON: "You can have a Hobbit! Here, take him!" And they'd whip the bag off and we'd be like, "C'mon, Craig! Come with us! Run!"


"The World's End" opens August 23rd.

 

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Realistic Names For iPhone Apps

August 22, 2013, 2:02 am
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The people who name iPhone apps have no idea what they are doing. If we're all being honest adults, this is what they should be called.

realistic names for iphone apps

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week - 8-22-13

August 22, 2013, 2:39 am
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Rosanna Davison is a Red Hot Vegan

August 22, 2013, 5:51 am
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Mysterious 13-Foot Long Monster With Horns Washes Up On The Beach in Spain

August 22, 2013, 8:33 am
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Bizarre 'Sea Monster' Washes Up on Spanish Shore

What has horns, just washed ashore in Spain and will make you question ever going to the beach again? This thing. Whatever it is.

A 13-foot long sea monster was found decomposing on the beaches of Villaricos, Spain. A swimmer ran across the decapitated head first, then discovered the body. Authorities were brought to the scene to extract the rest of this monstrosity onto the beach, where they cordoned off the area to further examine the rotting remains.

The horrific carcass gave off such a considerable stench, most of the remains were buried for safety reasons. Researchers are continuing to run tests to determine a species, but so far none has been determined.

Maria Sanchez, the civil protection coordinator for Cuevas del Almanzora, offered the theory that it may have washed in from off the shores of Africa. Noting the long, tubular body, Sanchez said it looked like a snake but could actually be a dragon fish, which are indigenous to Africa.

The most likely explanation is that this is merely an oarfish. The longest oarfish discovered is 36 feet long, though the species is rarely seen since it resides so far below the ocean's surface.

 

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Leave Your Mark on the World With Places I've Pooped App

August 22, 2013, 11:24 am
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Our video series "APPtitude," which highlights the apps you need in your life, really makes a big splash this week with Places I've Pooped. The free app allows you to document all the various places you've done your business and brag about it on social media. It may sound ridiculous, but once you download Places I've Pooped you'll be more excited than ever to go to the bathroom and leave your mark on the world.

For more, subscribe to Mandatory's YouTube channel.

 

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Jessica Stroup From '90210' is Hot in Any ZIP Code

August 22, 2013, 11:31 am
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Knob Creek Rye Brown Mustard and Malt Vinegar BBQ Sauce

August 22, 2013, 11:10 pm
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Summer is almost over. But don't let that get you down. Just BBQ as much as humanly possible before it gets cold out. This sauce recipe by celebrity chef Michael Symon will help you differentiate your grilling game from all of your friends who are still messing around with plain ketchup and mustard.


KNOB CREEK(R) RYE BROWN MUSTARD & MALT VINEGAR BBQ SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 part Malt Vinegar
  • 1 part Brown Sugar
  • 1 part Knob Creek(R) Rye Whiskey
  • 2 parts Brown Mustard
  • 1 parts Chipotle Adobo Puree

PREPARATION:

1. Heat vinegar, sugar and Knob Creek(R) Rye Whiskey in saucepan until sugar is melted and the liquid is reduced by half

2. Remove liquid from heat and whisk in mustard and chipotle puree

3. Store in refrigerator and enjoy, can be stored for up to 1 month

 

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10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About "The Cornetto Trilogy"

August 23, 2013, 1:11 am
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  • Focus Features/Photofest
    1 of 10

    What was a throwaway gag in the "rom zom com" "Shaun of the Dead" - inspired by writer/director Edgar Wright's personal belief in the hangover-curing qualities of Cornetto ice cream - became something of a trademark for Wright and co-writer/star Simon Pegg and star Nick Frost. The trio has even begun jokingly referring to their three films together - "Shaun of the Dead," "Hot Fuzz" and the upcoming "The World's End" - as the "Three Flavors: Cornetto" trilogy (or the "blood and ice cream" trilogy by those not savvy to the Krzysztof Kieslowski reference). Strawberry for "Shaun" (red = blood), original flavor for "Fuzz" (the blue wrapper = cops), and mint for "The World's End" (green = aliens). Up to speed? Good. Here's a lot more to chew on.

    No. 10 - To borrow a gag from "The World's End," there is a "fourth Musketeer" who has appeared in all three films alongside Wright, Pegg, and Frost - Rafe Spall. The son of veteran actor Timothy Spall, Rafe played the snotty, piss-taking electronics store employee who gives Shaun crap about his leaking pen ("You've got red on you" - one of the movie's signature gags), then played snotty, piss-taking Sandford detective Andrew Cartwright (one half of "The Andies") in "Hot Fuzz" before showing up as a potential home buyer being shown around by real estate man Martin Freeman in the beginning of "The World's End" (level of snottiness unclear).

  • United Film Distribution Company/Photofest
    2 of 10

    No. 9 - During the opening credits of "Shaun of the Dead" (as the production company logos roll out), the music you hear is actually a piece of the score from George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead." It then blends into The Specials' "Ghost Town" when we get the first shot of the characters inside the pub.

  • Universal Pictures
    3 of 10

    No 8 - And the homages keep on coming. Blink and you'll miss it, but the restaurant where Shaun is desperate to score a reservation is called Fulci's (you can see the add in the brief shot of the Yellow Pages). This is a nod to Lucio Fulci, the Italian film director behind gorefests like "Zombie," "The Beyond" and "The House by the Cemetery."

  • Universal Pictures/Pinterest
    4 of 10

    No. 7 - The post-breakup pep talk that Ed (Frost) gives Shaun essentially lays out the entire movie:

    "You know what we should do tomorrow? Keep drinking. Have a Bloody Mary first thing [they wake up and kill the zombie check-out girl, "Mary" in their garden], have a bite at the King's Head [Shaun's step dad Philip gets bitten at Shaun's mom's house], get a couple at the Little Princess [They rescue Shaun's ex-girlfriend Liz and her friend Dianne from their apartment], stagger back here [the gang pretends to be zombies to gain entrance into the Winchester Pub, where Ed and Shaun are sitting during this speech], BANG! back at the bar for shots [they hole up in the Winchester and use the pub's signature gun to shoot zombies]."

  • Universal Pictures
    5 of 10

    No. 6 - Lord of the Fuzz? In "Hot Fuzz," Sgt. Nicholas Angel's (Pegg) girlfriend (who is completely covered by goggles, a dust mask, and full body hazmat suit in her one scene) is actually played by Oscar winner (and elvish queen) Cate Blanchett (who was uncredited). Better yet - during the opening montage detailing Angel's many accomplishments, the deranged Santa Claus shown stabbing Angel in the hand is LOTR director Peter Jackson. Oh, and for good measure, Blanchett's fellow crime scene investigator Bob (the one she'd never date) is played by "Attack the Block" writer/director Joe Cornish.

  • Pete Penfold/Wikimedia
    6 of 10

    No. 5 - The seemingly sleepy town of Sandford at the heart of "Hot Fuzz" is actually the city of Wells, Somerset, where Edgar Wright grew up.

  • Universal Pictures
    7 of 10

    No. 4 - How can you tell the people of Sandford are up to no good? Besides, you know, the fact that they are played by the likes of Timothy Dalton, Paul Freeman (better known as "Raiders of the Lost Ark's" Belloq), and David Bradley and Rory McCann ("Game of Thrones" Walder Frey and "The Hound")? Check out their sinister (and action-oriented) last names: Hatcher. Skinner. Roper. Reaper. Blower. Messenger. Shooter.

  • Focus Features/Photofest
    8 of 10
    No. 3 - The character dynamic established in "Shaun" and "Fuzz" (Pegg the straight man, Frost the idiot manchild) gets completely reversed in "The World's End," with Pegg's Gary King being locked in a state of arrested development and Frost's Andy Knightley taking on the role of the successful, socially-adjusted corporate lawyer. Frost, for one, was happy not to play "the stoned idiot" for a change.
  • Focus Features/Photofest
    9 of 10

    No. 2 - Like Ed's speech in "Shaun of the Dead," the opening narration/montage of "The World's End" (which looks back at the gang's original attempt to conquer the "Golden Mile" pub crawl as teens back in 1990) essentially spells out everything that's going to happen in the movie. Pay attention...we won't spoil it all here...but locations, pub names, each characters' success or failure during the pub crawl...it all comes back...

  • Wikimedia
    10 of 10
    Next: A History of Similar Films Coming Out at the Same Time

    No. 1 - Not only are the pub names in "The World's End" thematically significant (the events at The Two-Headed Dog, for example, end up making sense), but the signs are, too. The flaming Earth that adorns The World's End sign (which is not only the title of the movie, but also the final pub along the Golden Mile) is a visual homage to the poster for an obscure 1977 sci-fi flick called - what else? "End of the World."

 

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