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Tamsin Egerton From 'Camelot' is a British Beaut


Shay Laren Strips Down to the Bare Essentials

The Best Free Porn Sites

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After nearly two years as an existing website, it's about freaking time someone at Mandatory said something about the best free porn sites. Anyone who has been reading along with us has earned this gift, just in time for the holiday season. And just to be sure, we tested them all out. So no more tugging the skin flute to memories of girls who refuse to return your phone calls. This is what you need (you pervert).
youporn logo
YouPorn
It's the first page every man goes to when checking for a solid Internet connection. With a sleek layout, high quality ladies and some seriously award-winning HD content, YouPorn offers the champagne of pornography to the (cheap bastards) of free wank material. If this doesn't make you happy, you might be gay. And if you are, you're in luck, because they have a section for that, too.

XVideos
Rocking a little more amateur and a little less crazy porn star, XVideos is the site for men who like to keep things a little closer to home, a little more believable and who appreciate the "best of" filters along the top of the page. If you found something you liked three weeks ago and can't remember what it is, chances are you'll find it with ease. And if your Wi-Fi is down, or you're at the DMV for four hours with time to kill, there's a still photos page that'll help you "beat" the time.

redtube logoRedTube
When YouPorn is down, this is the likely backup plan. Although its layout is a lot like YouPorn, some of the front-page content is a little more unique in terms of curly pubes, open road hand-jobs and period pieces (wink). These sites couldn't really get much better, unless of course the women were projecting themselves out of the screen to do the work for you themselves. Damn, that's actually a good idea for a free porn site.

XNXX
We weren't sure what the "N" between the "XXX" was, so we took this one for a quick 72-hour spin to be sure. They've got a little bit of everything here, even some variety, like Arabic, Indian and the occasional chubby lady. It's raining equal-opportunity erotica in here. They've even included "kissing" and "cartoon" sections for men who may be new to porn, or new to their penis even.
pornhub logo
PornHub
With a similar layout to YouPorn but with fairly straight-down-the-middle content, Pornhub is really the only hub you want to stick your manhood into. Not only does it offer filters for your preference, but it has a "meet & fuck" section, along with a community page. Talk about caring by sharing.




Porn.com
If the last one wasn't easy enough to remember, this one has the domain name any five-year-old could try out. As long as you're not five, we can endorse this. And yes, they have a "Granny" section. By entering the site, you can tell just by fingering around that they're pretty open to all shapes, sizes and colors. Good thing too, because alien porn is on the rise.

tube8 logoTube8
This one is pretty straightforward and easy to remember. If you're looking for the sleekest layout or craziest content, this isn't necessarily top dog, but if you just need something to pass the time during a family dinner, we imagine this would be completely appropriate. Show mom the "Mature" section and see what she thinks. The site also has links to all the other top sites across its banner, both free and paid. They're really looking out for your good time.

Youjizz
That's a classy name for a classy site. Probably the biggest underdog of the best free porn sites, this dandy isn't afraid to mix cartoons into its content, and the women are surprisingly sexier than most other free sites, like the ones where girls are missing an eye or have two vaginas. Or is that their butt? I never could tell the difference.

spankwire logoSpankWire
With giant thumbnails bigger than the saucer-like nipples you crave, this site will get you going before you click on anything. Just like CNN covers all the news you could want, SpankWire delivers a reliable porn source for you and your loved ones, including a section on BBW (big beautiful women). What more could you ask for?

Xtube
A progressive site that lets you state your gender and the gender of your choice before entering, Xtube is a easy-to-filter portal to boner heaven. With a delightful emphasis on young (legal) ladies and an opportunity to upgrade to VIP status, this site takes gentle care of its customers, unlike Punishtube, which is not so gentle.

 

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The 10 Nerdiest Libations for the 2013 Holidays

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A Life-Size Melanie Iglesias Poster Just in Time for the Holidays

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In what may be Melanie Iglesias' sexiest video yet, go behind the scenes of her shoot and creation of "Bedtime w/Teddy," a life-size poster that you can get just in time for the holidays. Treat yo' self! Details can be found here and here, and as an added bonus, check out the sexy photos of Melanie below.

melanie iglesias, melanie iglesias teddy bearmelanie iglesias selfie, melanie iglesias life size poster

Via Nick Saglimbeni

 

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Conan O'Brien, Ice Cube and Kevin Hart Share a Lyft Ride

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When Conan O'Brien, Ice Cube and Kevin Hart use the car service Lyft, shenanigans ensue. Travel along for the ride as the guys go on a quest to buy weed, malt liquor and, of course, 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.'

 

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This French-Canadian Sounds Exactly Like Elvis Presley

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Holy crap. This is David Thibault. He is only 16 years old. He is French-Canadian. And he sounds EXACTLY like Elvis Presley when he strums his acoustic guitar and covers "Blue Christmas." Awesome.

 

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The Best Free Apps to Ease Holiday Shopping

How to Quickly Travel During the Holidays

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For every traveler with his shit together in the airport this holiday season, there are about 300 fumbling their oversized luggage, reeling their children in on bungee cords with a paper trail of boarding pass chaos floating about, which is why we think it's important to teach people how to fly the quickest way possible during thesbusiness travel photo concept  ...e times. Since that'll never be a reality for the every day-tripper, at least we can help you speedily squeeze through the ocular scans of overzealous TSA folks. Here's the holiday travel advice you can't afford to ignore.

Book an Early Flight

It's obviously a little late for this part, but when you know you're going to be traveling for the holiday, there's no point in delaying the purchase of your ticket, unless you enjoy sitting by the bathroom awaking to the gurgling asses of your fellow flyers and paying twice the price as you would have if you'd just bought your fucking ticket a month sooner.

When you book, get the early flight, which not only gets you to your destination sooner so as not to waste an entire day in airports, but has you on your departing flight before the hordes of holidays travelers come stampeding. Sure, it blows to be on the road when the sun is hardly up, but it's a lot better than standing in line with a bunch of smelly pedestrians. And purchase an aisle seat, so you can slide right in and slide right out. No lap dances necessary on your flights.

Pack Light, Carry-Ons Only

You're not Vanna White. Hell, you're not really attractive at all, meaning people are hardly paying attention to what you're wearing, even though there's probably a hole in or around the crotch/ass region of your pants. Also, you don't need four jackets, just one. All you really need is bare necessities when it comes holiday travel - enough to keep you warm, not put on a fashion show. Pack clothes that go with anything, making easy outfits and less luggage.

By packing light in two small bags - if you're smart, one is a backpack - you avoid checking baggage, which saves you an hour or two, plus the obvious scenario where the airline loses your luggage, so avoid it altogether. One carry-on is for clothes, another for things you need during your travels, like the chargers, electronics and things that amuse your small brain. When you have two small bags, you move quickly and maneuver between crowds. Otherwise, you're part of that long ugly line of slow-moving, obese zombie travelers with motorized carts and little circus horns.

Mail Presents Separately

If you're thinking you need a lot of baggage because of presents, you'd be thinking wrong, because small presents of importance can fit in your carry-ons, and the rest can find their way home without riding with you via the very reliable U.S. postal system. Carefully pack any gifts for family and friends in your carry-on and the ones that don't fit, which don't belong in airports, should be mailed well in advance so you're not an empty-handed schmuck on Christmas Day. Same goes for the return flight, just make it easy on yourself, pal. You're not Santa Claus. Or are you?!

Download Airline Apps

Whoever you're flying with, unless it's the Wright brothers, should have their own mobile app. By having it on you, you have your flight information, the status of your flights, the ability to check in, see changes occurring and don't have to search for the same giant screen everybody in the entire airport is gawking at. You have everything you need in your little Steve Jobs phone, so take advantage of that and stay on the move without missing a beat, or a flight.

Check In and Print Boarding Pass Early

Nothing loosens the bowels up quicker than having trouble finding your record locator number or seeing that long line when you only have 10 minutes to get through security, so stroll into the airport with your little piece of paperThanksgiving Travel, or hit up the little kiosk with your credit card and sail smoothly into security in under five minutes. The holidays are filled with crowds of people who need others to do everything for them, so take some initiative and avoid anxiety and long lines by showing up with your boarding pass in hand. Likewise, checking in is something you can do the night before now, so do it to reserve your spot on the plane so you won't have to sit stand-by with the loser crowd that won't get to see their families because they didn't check in on time.

Dress Accordingly

Security lines can be quick and painless or they can be semi-racist, overwhelming races to pull your belongings from six tubs when you could have used two. Make for a smooth transition, which means no belt, slip-on shoes, empty pockets, one bag with electronics, and your wallet, phone and boarding pass all in the same spot.

Drop the shoes - not your pants - and put everything in one tub, and then shoes and jacket in the other. When you come out the other side after being frisked like a prison yard, you'll grab your things in one fell swoop and be on your way while Jackie and the crack squad hold up the entire airport reteaching themselves how to tie their shoes and search for the belt loops that best hold up their holiday fatpants while leaving half their shit behind. The bunny goes around the tree, oh!

Have Everything Out and Ready to Go

When you have everything where it needs to be, including your I.D. and boarding pass, you make for quick trips through any lines, especially when flying internationally for the holiday. The guy who can't find his shit is the guy holding up the line, getting the stink eye from crazy holiday haters and eventually getting verbally shanked in the bathroom before breakfast.

Know where your shit is; don't just throw things in a bag. By having good reason for where you put the things you need along your travels, you allow yourself to be organized - a strange word to many travelers - and thus, a speedy traveler.

And if you can borrow your friend's kid, you can get priority boarding for having a family now. So yeah, it's totally worth the trouble to have a child now too.

Before you know it, you'll be sitting quietly at your terminal after being in the airport only 25 minutes, just before your flight gets delayed twice and eventually cancelled. You should've just stayed in bed. Happy holidays and safe travels, you poor son of a bitch.

 

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NFL Quarterbacks as Drag Queens

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Last week at the game against the Chargers in San Diego, an enterprising fan made a hilarious Photoshop of Eli Manning as a drag queen with short blond hair and pearl earrings. That serves as the inspiration for this piece: NFL QBs as drag queens. Enjoy the nightmares!

nfl drag queens, philip rivers

 

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Gamblin' With Gary: 12-13-13

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Ladies and gentleman, I am on a roll. I had yet another winning week last week, going 3-1, only losing with the Ravens in that wild snow game in Baltimore. That brings my total record to 16-6-1, a winning percentage unmatched in the sports betting world. If you have not been making millions gamblin' with Gary yet, now is the time. These bets are 100 PERCENT GUARANTEED TO MAKE US ALL RICH, and I am willing to share them with you to prove it. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. Feel free to join me.
Redskins Mike Shanahan Football
CAN'T LOSE BET #1 (NFL)

Washington (+7) at Atlanta - Washington +7

In a battle of the two most disappointing teams in the NFC this season, you may be wondering why I am even bothering with this game. Two reasons: One is because I think Falcons coach Mike Smith is terrible and will find some way to lose points for his team on Sunday. Two is because Redskins coach Mike Shanahan is an egomaniac with an agenda. He has finally gotten his way by shutting down RG3 for the rest of the season and is starting Kirk Cousins. Cousins is fully capable of making big plays for the Redskins. Combine this with the fact that Shanahan is going to coach his ass off to show that he was right all along, and you have a recipe for an easy Washington cover to break their five-game losing streak (both straight up and against the spread).

CAN'T LOSE BET #2 and #3 (NFL)Falcons Saints Football, jimmy graham celebrates

New Orleans at St. Louis - New Orleans -6.5 and OVER 47

Everyone knows that the Saints are a juggernaut at home, so you might be a little hesitant to take them as a favorite on the road. Don't be, you pansy. Part of the issue with the Saints' road struggles has to do with playing outdoors. The Rams play indoors, and after two straight losses they are out of the playoff picture. They'll be playing for pride, but that won't be nearly enough against Brees, Graham and company. Take the Saints and the over, and go ahead and start spending your money now.

CAN'T LOSE BET #4 (NFL)

New York Jets at Carolina - OVER 40.5

As my faithful (and wise) followers know, I love betting against trends. It has paid off handsomely so far, and this week's most glaring trend to buck is the under in Panthers games. Carolina has been involved in six straight unders, including their 31-13 loss last week in New Orleans, so it makes sense that this is the lowest posted total on the board. However, I fully expect them to bounce back and score a lot of points at home against the Jets. If you need more convincing, the Jets give up an average of 30.66 points per game on the road. The Panthers may cover this total on their own. Hammer it, and thank me later.

APTOPIX Buccaneers Panthers Football, cam newton celebrates

 

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