Today's Funniest Photos
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Subway Map of a Night Out
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Hot Pockets Might Be Made of Diseased Meat
But odds are since you usually eat them at 2am, you really don't give a shit.
As Jim Gaffigan once said, "I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been like, 'I'm glad I ate that.' I'm gonna die."
![hot pockets diseased meat]()
Well, it turns out that's because those Hot Pockets might have been made from diseased meat.
Nestle USA, who surprisingly is responsible for making Hot Pockets, has now recalled two varieties of their Philly Steak & Cheese sandwiches because they may have contained meat that the USDA has labeled as "diseased."
The meat came from the Central Valley Meat Company and was part of 8.7 million pounds of cow that was recalled because the company "processed diseased and unsound animals and carried out the activities without the benefit or full benefit of federal inspection.
Just last October, the Central Valley Meat Company recalled 89,000 pounds of meat because it might have contained a small amount of plastic.
Even more disturbing? The same company provides 21 million pounds of beef for federal school nutrition programs.
(via CNN)
Now that we have wrecked your appetite: The 15 Most Creepy Disgusting Foods You Will Ever See
As Jim Gaffigan once said, "I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been like, 'I'm glad I ate that.' I'm gonna die."
Well, it turns out that's because those Hot Pockets might have been made from diseased meat.
Nestle USA, who surprisingly is responsible for making Hot Pockets, has now recalled two varieties of their Philly Steak & Cheese sandwiches because they may have contained meat that the USDA has labeled as "diseased."
The meat came from the Central Valley Meat Company and was part of 8.7 million pounds of cow that was recalled because the company "processed diseased and unsound animals and carried out the activities without the benefit or full benefit of federal inspection.
Just last October, the Central Valley Meat Company recalled 89,000 pounds of meat because it might have contained a small amount of plastic.
Even more disturbing? The same company provides 21 million pounds of beef for federal school nutrition programs.
(via CNN)
Now that we have wrecked your appetite: The 15 Most Creepy Disgusting Foods You Will Ever See
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Andy Daly Goes Streaking: An Exclusive Sneak Peek at 'Review'
Review
Get More: Comedy Central,Funny Videos,Funny TV Shows
Comedy Central has been on a roll, with comedies such as "Kroll Show," "Inside Amy Schumer, ""Key & Peele" and "Workaholics" all becoming big hits in the last few years. On March 6th, Andy Daly will look to continue this success with "Review." Daly (of "Eastbound & Down" fame) will play life critic Forrest MacNeil, an atypical reviewer who goes beyond the boring subjects of film, food and art, and instead reviews elements of life itself -- like the rush of streaking at a sporting event.
"Review" premieres on Comedy Central on Thursday, March 6 at 10 pm ET/PT. Also, the premiere episode is available now to stream on cc.com and for free on iTunes.
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Best Kiss Cam Response Ever
Have you ever gone to a sporting event with your family and prayed to Christ that the monkeys running the "Kiss Cam" wouldn't zoom in on you and your sister?
Well, a guy at a collegiate hockey game last week was one step ahead of everybody on that front.
Whether or not the guy knew the camera operator and set this up in advance doesn't matter. The bottom line is that this video uploaded by the Minnesota Gophers from the Minnesota-Michigan hockey game on Valentine's Day has gone viral because of his actions.
In a related story, Tom Hanks might have an illegitimate son.
(via Time)
That's funny, but we prefer these cams: 30 Busty, Bouncy and Beautiful Boob GIFs
Well, a guy at a collegiate hockey game last week was one step ahead of everybody on that front.
Whether or not the guy knew the camera operator and set this up in advance doesn't matter. The bottom line is that this video uploaded by the Minnesota Gophers from the Minnesota-Michigan hockey game on Valentine's Day has gone viral because of his actions.
In a related story, Tom Hanks might have an illegitimate son.
(via Time)
That's funny, but we prefer these cams: 30 Busty, Bouncy and Beautiful Boob GIFs
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Sharni Lee Robinson Has the Sex Factor
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The Weirdest Burglary of All Time Was Apparently Committed by Jack Bauer
Don't you hate it when you come home after a solid date night with the wife, complete with a few fine cuts from Outback Steakhouse and a few margaritas at Huey's, only to find that some asshole who thinks he's Jack Bauer has totally ransacked your house, including putting a frozen crab in your closet?
![guy ransacks place says he's jack bauer]()
Well, that's pretty much what happened to a Seattle couple over the weekend.
According to police, a couple returned home to their apartment and discovered someone, who wound up being their neighbor, had broken in. But strangely enough, he didn't take anything. Instead, he left the couple's apartment in an absolute mess because he was tripping on LSD.
That included leaving kitty litter in the sink, stashing clothes in the bathtub, removing the peep hole from the door, and stuffing every credit card belonging to one of the victims inside a chocolate muffin.
When police approached the neighbor, he tried to assure them everything was okay because he was Jack Bauer from "24."
Since we're posting this story, we're pretty sure they didn't buy that.
(via Gawker)
Maybe it wouldn't have happened if Sly Stallone would have been there: Sylvester Stallone Will Stop Any Crime
Well, that's pretty much what happened to a Seattle couple over the weekend.
According to police, a couple returned home to their apartment and discovered someone, who wound up being their neighbor, had broken in. But strangely enough, he didn't take anything. Instead, he left the couple's apartment in an absolute mess because he was tripping on LSD.
That included leaving kitty litter in the sink, stashing clothes in the bathtub, removing the peep hole from the door, and stuffing every credit card belonging to one of the victims inside a chocolate muffin.
When police approached the neighbor, he tried to assure them everything was okay because he was Jack Bauer from "24."
Since we're posting this story, we're pretty sure they didn't buy that.
(via Gawker)
Maybe it wouldn't have happened if Sly Stallone would have been there: Sylvester Stallone Will Stop Any Crime
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The Most Epic and Worst Game of Fetch You'll Ever Witness
Nobody wants to watch you play fetch with your dog. There is nothing you could possibly do to make us want to watch you do that. What's that? You've slowed the video down and added epic music? AND your dog is so horrible at fetch that she misses the ball every single time? Sign us up!
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The Best of the Business Baby Meme
In less than two days, a baby photo posted on Reddit has turned into a meme classic. He is known as Business Baby (or No Bullshit Business Baby), and as you can see, he is a multitasking young man of action. It doesn't matter if he's talking to Charles, Johnson or Carl - or dealing with his mother or the CEO - Business Baby demands respect and you will do what he says. Here are some of the best Business Baby memes (so far).
![business baby, make some serious changes around here, diaper]()
![business baby, born 4 months ago]()
![business baby, i'm not signing the agreement until he gives me my nose back]()
![business baby, money doesn't grow on trees]()
![business baby, square peg round hole]()
![business baby, i shit my pants at the christmas party again, damage control]()
![business baby, i don't care if she is my mother, nap time]()
![business baby, i am bringing elmo]()
![business baby, let's talk numbers]()
![business baby, i don't care if it's the ceo, nap time]()
![business baby, plane is about to take off]()
![business baby, shit my pants]()
![business baby, sexual harassment]()
![business baby, call for my tricycle]()
![business baby, i just took a nap and i'm still tired of your shit]()
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Guy Eats Four Giant Chipotle Burritos in Three Minutes
What'd you have for lunch today? A salad? Maybe half a sandwich? Even if it was something more significant than that, like a double cheeseburger and fries, competitive food eater Matt Stonie is here to put us all to shame. One burrito from Chipotle alone seems like it's big enough to feed an entire family, but Stonie manages to down four of them. Oh, and he does it in just three minutes. Someone has a lot of quality toilet time in the not-too-distant future.
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Reporter Interrupted During Live Broadcast By Very Vulgar Videobomber (NSFW Language)
We here at Mandatory love ourselves a good live news blooper. We're not going to give this guy too much credit for originality, but the sheer vulgarity of his mic-stealing scream sets him apart. As always, the highlight comes from the newscasters back in the studio stammering through an on-air apology to the viewers for the foul language, a time honored tradition as old as the videobomb itself.
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Pitch a Tent With Nikki Walton
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The Best Funny Dramas in Film History
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The Weirdest Sports Mascots Ever
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week
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Today's Funniest Photos
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If Netflix Categories Were Honest
I know Netflix has thousands of movies and TV shows, but how is it that I can look through their catalog for an hour without finding a single thing I want to watch? The categories are supposedly built off of what you watch, but they're rarely filled with anything you would actually want to watch. There's even a category called "Random Picks" where Netflix just throws some obscure stuff your way. But what if the categories were honest and didn't pretend to be the result of some personalized algorithm? They would probably look something like this:
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The Periodic Table of Los Angeles
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It's OK for Teachers to Be Drunk on the Job in Florida
Everybody has their own way of making it through the work day, and recently, for one Florida middle school teacher, that included getting hammered in front of her students.
But according to CBS 12 in West Palm Beach, that teacher was neither arrested nor charged with a crime because - wait for it - a public school teacher being drunk on the job is legal in Florida.
![florida teacher drunk on job, catherine jones]()
Catherine Jones, a seventh grade language arts teacher at Yearling Middle School in Okeechobee, has since been suspended without pay, but the State Attorney's Office will not press charges because being drunker than Michelle Rodriguez while teaching children is not a criminal offense.
However, loading up on oxycodone and hydrocodone pills is illegal, and that's something Jones found out the hard way when she was arrested in 2010 for amassing 540 of the little guys after visiting seven different doctors and four different pharmacies. She entered and graduated from a yearlong drug program, and she was reinstated at the middle school.
As expected, parents aren't very excited about Jones teaching their kids, with one woman going as far as saying, "All of South Florida thinks Okeechobee is a joke."
It's not just South Florida that thinks that way, ma'am.
Here's another good reason to keep your kids out of Florida: Florida Man Asked to Stop Masturbating in Front of Window Sets Building on Fire Instead
But according to CBS 12 in West Palm Beach, that teacher was neither arrested nor charged with a crime because - wait for it - a public school teacher being drunk on the job is legal in Florida.
Catherine Jones, a seventh grade language arts teacher at Yearling Middle School in Okeechobee, has since been suspended without pay, but the State Attorney's Office will not press charges because being drunker than Michelle Rodriguez while teaching children is not a criminal offense.
However, loading up on oxycodone and hydrocodone pills is illegal, and that's something Jones found out the hard way when she was arrested in 2010 for amassing 540 of the little guys after visiting seven different doctors and four different pharmacies. She entered and graduated from a yearlong drug program, and she was reinstated at the middle school.
As expected, parents aren't very excited about Jones teaching their kids, with one woman going as far as saying, "All of South Florida thinks Okeechobee is a joke."
It's not just South Florida that thinks that way, ma'am.
Here's another good reason to keep your kids out of Florida: Florida Man Asked to Stop Masturbating in Front of Window Sets Building on Fire Instead
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Man Convicted of Murder After He Raps About It
I've never been a big part of this "rap game," but I still think I could offer some solid advice to ensure that you're part of it beyond the age of 22.
![guy convicted of murder after rapping about it, gonzales snoop wardlaw]()
For starters, shooting a man over weed is highly frowned upon. But writing a song about doing so and leaving the lyrics out at your house so the police can find them and use them against you at the trial in which you now stand charged with first-degree murder? Yeah, you shouldn't have done that either.
Gonzales "Snoop" Wardlaw will spend the rest of his life in the clink after being convicted of killing a man in a South Carolina Olive Garden parking lot because he was unhappy with the man's marijuana for sale.
Wardlaw insisted he acted in self-defense, but the rap lyrics the Columbia Police Department found at his house kind of told a different story, including "hit him in the chest" and "caught 'em at da Olive Garden." He also wrote about making sure the people who slighted him wound up dead.
According to UPI, once Wardlaw admitted the lyrics were his, it took the jury only 50 minutes to convict him.
On the bright side, Wardlaw shouldn't have a shortage of things to write about in prison, especially if he drops the soap.
Now for some fun with rap lyrics: Rap Libs: Hip-Hop Mad Libs
For starters, shooting a man over weed is highly frowned upon. But writing a song about doing so and leaving the lyrics out at your house so the police can find them and use them against you at the trial in which you now stand charged with first-degree murder? Yeah, you shouldn't have done that either.
Gonzales "Snoop" Wardlaw will spend the rest of his life in the clink after being convicted of killing a man in a South Carolina Olive Garden parking lot because he was unhappy with the man's marijuana for sale.
Wardlaw insisted he acted in self-defense, but the rap lyrics the Columbia Police Department found at his house kind of told a different story, including "hit him in the chest" and "caught 'em at da Olive Garden." He also wrote about making sure the people who slighted him wound up dead.
According to UPI, once Wardlaw admitted the lyrics were his, it took the jury only 50 minutes to convict him.
On the bright side, Wardlaw shouldn't have a shortage of things to write about in prison, especially if he drops the soap.
Now for some fun with rap lyrics: Rap Libs: Hip-Hop Mad Libs
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