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23 of the Most Epic TV and Movie High Fives of All-Time


12 Of The Most Bizarre Things Baggage Checkers Found In Luggage

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If you're anything like me, you usually check your suitcase a dozen times to make sure there's nothing that would alert TSA or cause any embarrassment for you. After reading what TSA workers have found in bags through the years, it appears that people like us are not in the majority. If you thought your last pat down was humiliating, you'll feel much better after reading these horrifying experiences:

1. BellaBunny
I worked security at an airport and apart from assorted dildos and vibrators, I've opened bags and found:
  • A snake in a coke bottle full of embalming fluid
  • A rubber chicken
  • A human skull
  • Live cockroaches
  • Hundreds of condoms
  • And of course, a bag of poop

2. Soryaan
Family with a girl and a boy - he was 18/19 - just finished his military service. Goes through detector - beeping - they ask if he forgot something in his pants - he is getting fidgety - but pulls out two bullets in the end - huge problem - now they have to call the police and explosives team. Dad is pissed about boy but pretty calm so far. Police comes, checks bullets and now the real fun begins - turns out the bulls are from the army and were apparently and unofficial souvenir - problem is that this is a pretty serious crime here since its military hardware. Dad freaks out starts to hit son - police has to separate them - arrests both - mum and daughter are crying - all stay put and we have to de-embark them.

3. Indy_Pendant
Three thousand dollars in small, unmarked bills.

4. Tok91
I go to a catholic college and they don't hand out any condoms at my school. I visited a friend at a school, which was very liberal with their condom handouts. I was able to get a hold of approximately 250, all gold and in a giant garbage bag. Passing through NYC the bag checker at the train station just looked at me with disgust and shook his head.

5. TheNeverThrowAway
I work at an airport and some weirdo had taped a fork to a dildo. The group of friends proceeded to laugh, I have always assumed it must have been some weird fetish they were in to.

6. Ryanrows
I was working as an usher for an event that did not require tickets, let alone a bag check. Nonetheless, a woman insists that she show someone her bag "to be safe." Inside: assorted regular purse items, a box of magnum condoms, anywhere between $2500-$5000 cash, a razor, and a burrito.

I had to confiscate the burrito.

7. Notlandshark
While working at the airport, I checked a bag that contained an entire goat, including the head. In pieces. Bloody, hairy pieces taped up in plastic bags.

8. Captain_DeWolfe
I used to work on the border in Australia, and some of the shit people think they can bring into a country... I started keeping a list of some of the weirder shit, thought about writing a book one day. Here's a few, and let me tell you, bags are just the start:
  • Contraband parrots (live) hidden inside a taxidermist bear
  • Smoked monkey meat
  • Snakes (live) wrapped around the coils of old VHS tapes.
  • Reptiles (live and dead) declared as a didgeridoo.
  • Iguana hidden inside a prosthetic leg
  • Frogs (live) concealed in film canisters
  • Gift-wrapped hawk
  • Pigeons taped to ankles and hidden under pants
  • Vest of exotic bird eggs, worn

9. HavenKane
I worked reservations for an airline for a while. Had a lady call to make sure it was okay to bring a frozen turkey as her carry on. Apparently she didn't trust her daughter-in-law to buy the right kind for Thanksgiving. We couldn't find any reason that she couldn't, but I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when she went through security.

10. CustomsCartman
A full animal spine, not professionally butchered, fresh with bits of flesh attached. Being brought in for voodoo/African witchcraft type ceremony. It took four people to restrain the woman when we took it. She reacted like we were holding a knife to her child's throat or something.

11. Dthangel
Friend of mine told me about 2 very odd ones. He was a TSA supervisor at an international airport. While he had a ton of stories, the 2 that got me were.
  1. Preserved human head. I was a professor from a college personally transporting it. Apparently it was rather important and was on loan. He forgot to file the paperwork, and just stuck it in his bag and sent it throw security. Missed his flight while they sorted it out.
  2. A custom lined briefcase with a couple hand made cattle prods, electrified "inserts" and restraint gear. Could obviously tell it was very high end stuff. It was a diplomat from another country, so they had to just ensure that the prods were not charged, and let him through with it.
12. Highschoolblows
Oatmeal. Not like dry oatmeal either, it was an entire suitcase filled with cooked oatmeal. They lined the inside with plastic so that it wouldn't leak.

 

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#CatBand is a Ridiculously Funny Instagram Trend

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We all know that cats and the Internet go together like peas and carrots, so it only makes sense for them to take over Instagram, as well (speaking of Instagram, follow us @mandatorydotcom). A recent trend on the photo and video sharing platform is cat owners using their pet as a musical instrument. Tack on the #CatBand, and the fun begins. Here are some of our favorites so far.

Cat Piano

Cat Trombone

Cat Ukulele

Cat Saxophone

Cat Bagpipes

Cat Heavy Metal

Cat Harmonica

h/t CHEEZburger

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

High Five Fail Gifs for National High Five Day

Rapper Cuts Off His Own Penis, Jumps Off Building

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Now that is gangsta.

According to USA Today, a rapper who goes by the name "Christ Bearer" jumped off the second-floor balcony of a North Hollywood apartment building yesterday but managed to survive. Even crazier than that is the fact that he chopped off his dick just before he jumped. And even crazier than that? He survived that, too.
rapper cuts off penis and jumps off building, andre johnson
Los Angeles police said the rapper, whose real name is (ironically) Andre Johnson, was transported to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center along with his detached pork sword.

Johnson was just chilling with other members of his rap group Northstar when he apparently, on a whim, decided to hack off his manhood and jump. When the rest of the group ran downstairs, they found Johnson running around and screaming, which we're pretty sure classifies as a miracle in most cultures.

Before he mutilated his disco stick, Johnson was probably best known for recording "When the Guns Come Out," which was featured on the "Blade: Trinity" soundtrack. But now it looks like the gun that matters most won't be coming out for quite some time.

We'll venture a guess that he didn't have penis insurance: Somebody Is Finally Offering Penis Insurance

 

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Dude Squeezes Friend's Testicles, Gives Him a Heart Attack

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I'll be honest. If you have the stones to run up and grab my nuts, you better be the fastest man in Southern California because as soon as I get my bearings, I'm going to rip yours off.

Sadly, a 17-year-old kid in Ireland hasn't gotten that opportunity yet since he's still in a medically-induced coma after a friend "jerked his scrotum," a maneuver that resulted in the poor bastard suffering a heart attack.
boy has heart attack after friend grabs his testicles
According to the New York Daily News, as the boy returned to school following a lunch break, he and his friends began joking around. That's when one of them yanked on his nards and sent him into cardiac arrest.

A nearby teacher and one of the friends quickly performed CPR on the lad until paramedics arrived. He is apparently in stable condition, but you know this is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. His name is going to get out sooner or later, and he'll find himself in a pub years from now introducing himself to a sexy redhead. Only her response will be something like, "You mean the same Shamus O'Flaherty who had a heart attack when another guy yanked on his dangly bits?"

And that, kids, is why my friends and I just play Madden.

Here's a prank that's actually funny: Comedian Scares Blonde Girlfriend (22 Times)

 

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Watch John Daly Hit a Golf Ball Out of a Woman's Mouth

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Let's be honest. Letting a professional golfer who is currently tied for 84th place at the RBC Heritage take a full swing with his driver at a ball that is teed up in your mouth while you're being held to ground as you lay on your back is beyond crazy.

Then again, crazy is probably the best way to describe anything associated with John Daly these days.

According to Deadspin, Daly recently performed this ridiculous trick shot at the Masters (even though he didn't partake in the tournament) thanks to the willingness of a woman who claims to be the best friend of Daly's girlfriend.



If you're asking yourself how Daly could do something that has to be so precise without even taking one practice swing, you're not alone. But apparently, this isn't the first time he's found somebody batshit crazy enough to let him do it.


Those guys must not have had their dad's Buick parked in that lot.

Well, it looks as though John Daly is pretty damn amazing at hitting golf balls out of people's mouths. Playing actual golf? Not so much.

We're guessing this girl isn't next in line: Model Sues Playboy for Hitting Her in Butt During 'Golf Tee in Butt' Stunt

 

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Kyndal Kyaire is the Newest WAG on the Scene

Small Dog Annoys the Crap Out of Big Dog Until She Snaps

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If you're a younger sibling, then you know exactly what this little dog is up to. If you're an older sibling, then you will find yourself sympathizing with the larger dog. Either way, this video is pretty entertaining for what it is.

 

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Firefighters Construct A Hovercraft Using Force From Hoses

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I would imagine that downtime in a firehouse can get pretty dull. So it would make sense that firefighters would start getting creative whenever they're not...fighting fires. These firefighters, however, have to be the frontrunners when it comes to creativity. Using the force from the water of 6 hoses, they managed to build a homemade hovercraft. We'd say "don't try this at home," but who the hell has access to that much water pressure at home?

 

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Today's Funniest Photos

Tasting Room by Lot18 Is The Only Way You Should Ever Drink Wine Again

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No one wants to look like an idiot when it comes to picking out the best bottle of wine. Between grapes and regions and pairings and everything else, it's intimidating enough to send you to the wine shop to get bilked into buying something expensive just because you don't know what you're doing.

Well, now you can stop getting gouged at the store. Hell, you don't even need to go to the store at all anymore. TastingRoom by Lot18 is an online wine service that will make sure you're spending the proper amount of money on a wine you will actually enjoy.

tastingroom.com

The experience starts, as you'd hope, with a big shipment of wines. You get a tasting kit comprised of six miniature bottles of wine, two white, four red. Just drink those wines and then log on to TastingRoom.com to rate them. By evaluating which wines you liked and didn't like, you create an online "WinePrint" (essentially, your wine preferences) and TastingRoom will start sending you regular shipments of wines that fit your preferences.

The first set of miniature bottles costs $9.95. Once you've created your WinePrint, you'll receive a shipment of 6 bottles for $59.99 (with free shipping). From there, you'll get a new shipment of 12 bottles every three months for $149.99 (plus $19.99 shipping). You can cancel whenever you want with no extra cancelation fees.

Tasting Room by Lot18 is a new wine club unlike anything that's ever been tried in the industry before and we've got a special deal for you to get involved. Click here to sign up and get started for a special low price.

 

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18 GIFs Showing What Happens After Eating Taco Bell

These Amazon Reviews of a 55 Gallon Keg of Lube Are Hilarious


12 Creepy Stories That Will Keep You Awake Tonight

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Scary girl in bath

For some reason I made the mistake of looking through scary stories on r/AskReddit late at night and the more I read, the more I realized I wouldn't be sleeping at all that night. If you're interested in spending the entire night clutching your pillow in fear with every light on, then here are 12 of the creepiest stories that were posted.

1. Awildkristenappeared
I was visiting my dad in Portland, as his job required a temporary relocation from Michigan. My mother, brother, and myself took 10 days hitting spots all over Oregon and Washington State. We ended up at Multnomah Falls, a popular state park and tourist attraction.

When we flew back to Michigan, he was going through his camera while he listened to the news, and heard that someone had died at the falls that day. It's not uncommon for suicides to happen in places like the falls, but as he was scrolling through the pictures, he was curious at what time the suicide occurred, because my dad had one of those cameras that time-stamped every photo.

The news reported the time of the body's discovery as my dad fell onto a picture time stamped at 3 minutes prior to that time. At the top of the falls, in my family photo, there stands a man at the edge minutes from jumping to his death.

2. wolfmanravi
My parents were out one night and my brother and I were home alone. We were probably 12 and 10, respectively. Anyway, there's a knock at the door and I hear a voice say "Pizza." Initially thinking it was my father playing a joke I instinctively went to open the door when it hit me...
That wasn't my dad's voice.

"We didn't order any pizza" I said. There was no reply and no audible movement. I went to my bathroom window, which allows some vision of the footpath leading from the front of our property to the front door but you can't see the door itself. So we waited for about 15 minutes clutching a cricket bat and some ornamental fireplace poker until finally the dude moves away from the door and walks away.
It was some guy with dark hair in a long ponytail, a long dark coat and no pizza.


3. Karbear_debonair
I grew up in a house that was creepy as hell. Everyone saw shadows move, everyone lost things, everyone heard voices in that house. People who had never heard the stories about it would come into the house for the first time and comment on strange things.

One night during the summer I'm lying awake on my bed trying to fall asleep, but I can't. It's too hot, and it feels weird in the room. I'm on my right side, then my left, then back again. This whole time my brother is singing and tapping in the bunk above me.

Finally, pissed, I reach up to push up on his bed. I would do that in retaliation when he was loud. As I roll onto my back I feel a hand through my mattress. It started at my neck and swept down my back, pushing the mattress as it went. Scared the ever-living fuck right out of me.

I never figured out what the hell that was.

4. Shujinkou
My wife is an RN and she was on float to another unit helping out (she normally worked cardiac but she was helping out in the Alzheimer's unit). She was saving a particular patient for last as the patient was known to be a real pain. Very old, mean to everyone and just generally tried to make the nurses miserable. She and the respiratory therapist got to the patients room at the same time so they decided to tackle her together. They got into the room and the patient had smeared shit all over the walls of the bathroom and the hospital room, she was standing on the bed screaming and jumping up and down on the bed. The two of them somehow got the patient calmed down, got the horrible mess cleaned up, and got their jobs done. She said it took about three hours.

They then got went out and put a do not disturb sign on the door to make sure the patient could stay calm and get some sleep. They were standing one person on each side of the door (herself and the respiratory therapist) catching their breath and proclaiming how much that sucked when they spotted someone. A big farmer looking guy wearing a John Deere baseball cap, overalls, a red plaid checkered shirt and big work boots coming down the hospital hallway (and he looked kind of annoyed). He walked right past them into the patient's room slamming the door open. My wife caught the door on the backswing and marched right into the room after him (respiratory therapist right behind her) planning on dragging him back out and giving him a piece of her mind. When she got in the room he was not there.

No sign of the person she followed in.

She looked under the bed.

She looked in the bathroom.

She checked behind all of the curtains.

She even made sure the window still would not open.

No sign of the farmer at all. She then noticed the patient was sitting upright in the bed just kind of staring off into space.

So she asked her: "Did you just see someone come into the room?" The patient said "Yes, it was my daddy; he said he was coming to take me home tonight and that you mean people won't be able to hurt me anymore." She responded with: "That's great, how about you get some rest before he comes to pick you up." The patient then lay down and went to sleep. The patient died that night.

My wife and the respiratory therapist swapped stories to make sure they were not crazy. They both saw it.

5. JamesRenner
I'm a journalist and was told this doozy by a woman I interviewed for a true crime story.

When this woman was a young girl, say 8 years old, she started to come down stairs at night to tell her father that there was a man in her closet. He tells her there's no such thing as the Boogeyman and sends her back to bed. This happens on and off for like a week. Finally, he gets frustrated and walks her back to the room and says, "I'll show you there's nothing in your closet" and goes to open the door. It opens an inch and then he feels someone slam it shut.

Turns out there really was a man in her closet. This guy was a perv who would come in to the house every night and stare at the girl from the closet while she slept. The dad kicked the shit out of him and the perv went to prison for many years.

I researched her story 20 years after this happened. The guy had just gotten out of jail again and no one could find him.


6. ActiveSloth1234
This happened to me when I was about 8 and still scares me to this day. One evening I went to let my dogs in from the back garden at around 9pm. It was pitch black so I quickly opened the door and my dogs came bounding in, as soon as they came in I locked the door and at this moment a person on the other side pulled the handle down trying to get into my house. We had a glass door so even in the dark I could see the outline of a man standing there.

I ran to my dad and he ran into the back garden after this man and saw him running down the road. Since then I have closed and locked doors at the speed of light.

7. LumosTheNox
My old co-worker had a son that was in his mid thirties and he had a son named Hunter that was 4 or 5. She said that Hunter would have bad dreams and that he would sleep with his dad when he got scared.
One night his dad woke up because he heard Hunter calling him. But he was calling him by his name, not 'dad'. So he went to his room and he was asleep. He woke him up and said "Hunter, you were calling me. Is everything okay?" And Hunter said, "Dad, when they call you you're not supposed to answer." and fell back asleep.

He asked him about it in the morning but he said he didn't remember saying it.

I get chills when I think about it.

8. EeJayLiz
My parents bought their first house back in 1972. It was a fixer-upper, but they decided to move in right away and fix things as time/money permitted.

Within a few days of moving in, the new neighbors came over to introduce themselves. They also let my parents know that the previous owners had moved out after a nasty divorce. They had lost their second baby from SIDS, and their relationship went downhill from there.

My parents were horrified, more so because they were newly pregnant and couldn't imagine going through such a thing.

They eventually pretty much forgot all about it. Life went on. They were in love with their new life and their new house.

In preparation for the baby, they decided to wallpaper the nursery. Now, my Dad told my mom there was no need in wallpapering the inside of the closet, but she insisted. She was kneeling down, scraping off old paint inside of the closet when her eyes fell upon something that made her blood turn to ice.
Written in crayon, at about eye level for a kindergartner, in childish scrawl was: I KILLED THE BABY.

9. ceejiesqueejie
When I was 14 my family and I fell on hard times. We got kicked out of our house and ended up in emergency housing, basically we went to charity who found us a house that we were able to rent for 100 a month, but only for 3 months. That summer, my mom and stepdad separated temporarily, and my three younger siblings would go to my step-dads for a week or so then come back to my mom and me. This house was FUCKING. CREEPY.

It started off with just that feeling, you know? Like, something isn't quite right, that you might not be the only person in the room. In the day, that's all it was, the feeling that something was up. Your instincts pricking at you. I tried to ignore it, but as soon as dusk arrived shit would start happening. More than once I could hear this static-filled music playing, but I couldn't find the source, it just filled the halls. I heard whispering and went to my two sisters room, in the open closet, a pair of eyes looked at me and disappeared. My brother spent one night in the house and didn't come back. In my room, I could never win. On one wall, a mirror, when I flipped over to face the window, I watched tall shadow figures pace in front of it. In my mothers room, the same shadow figures paced in circles around her room. One night, she and I sat up for two hours in her bed watching these shadows. She was strongly religious and didn't know what to make of it.

During the time we lived there, there was a lunar eclipse. I had never seen one before and was very excited for it. When I went out to look, every time, this terror took over me and I couldn't stay outside, I couldn't explain it. When the moon was fully cloaked, I went outside, looked up, but my head suddenly snapped down and to my left. I could see three tall shadows walking in between the tall pine trees in the yard. Panicked, I ran back inside and into my room, flinging myself under the covers with my eyes shut tightly, but listened to the pacing outside my bedroom window.

Three months of this. We moved out at the end of summer into a new house, my mom and stepdad got back together and I was with my younger siblings again. We all agreed the house on Acorn street was fucked up, and still get chills when we drive by it, just to see.


10. Racid
My boyfriend was in the army before I met him, this is by far the creepiest story he's told me. It gave me goosebumps.

He lived in a two-story townhouse (on-base housing) in Ft. Hood for about six months. Tenants always came and went because of deployments. Weird stuff would happen both at night and during the day; mainly thuds in his bedroom on the second floor and shuffling. He felt uneasy being in his room so he always slept on the living room couch on the first floor.

On the weekends he would be up late playing Xbox Live, being the achievement hunter he is and due to insomnia. he wouldn't fall asleep until 5AM.

One night, he was up late on his Xbox dashboard, sitting on a sofa chair, smoking a cigarette. His Kinect was plugged in. As many of you know, there's a screen on the bottom right corner that shows an infrared version of what the Kinect camera can see. This lets you know what its detecting. It's really sensitive and although at times frustrating to use, surprisingly accurate.

This was when the hair behind his neck stood up. He noticed the infrared screen. Standing to the right of him, alongside him, was a solid female figure.

He wanted me to add that he has never EVER used his Kinect after this. Even after moving back home to Chicago. I can attest to that.


11. Soul2squeeze15
I was about 7-8 years old and normally after school my mom sets up the tub so I can have my afternoon bath. Keep in mind that my bathroom was tiny and there were no room for someone to hide in without being spotted immediately. So my mom watches me go in the tub, gives me a toy and walks away to the kitchen to finish cooking. I wanted to splash around in the water with my toy so I closed the glass sliding door of the tub. As soon as I closed the sliding door, it quickly opened on its own. My tiny little mind couldn't fathom how that happened. A few seconds later the sliding door rapidly opened and closed for a few seconds. I started screaming and my mother ran to the bathroom to find me crying in the tub. I told her what happened but she didn't believe me. The sliding door was closed when she found me crying in the bathroom. For over 20 years it bugged me. Was it part of my imagination? It felt completely and entirely real.


12. CheadSally
When I was 7, I woke up in the middle of the night with an earache. I decided to tell my mom and stepdad and walked out of my room. Someone was sitting on the chair in the living room (about 3 feet away from my bedroom door). The person looked strange (the face was just kind of distorted) but it was dark and I couldn't see well. "Mom?" I asked. The person shook their head, and I started getting scared. "Mike?". The person shook their head again. I decided the best course of option was to go back to bed so I wouldn't have to walk past this...person. I climbed in bed, and closed my eyes for a second, before opening them and seeing the person standing in my doorway, smiling madly and nodding furiously.

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Kids Crying On The Easter Bunny's Lap: A Holiday Tradition Unlike Any Other

Lana James is Playboy's Cybergirl of the Month for April 2014

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Lana James, Playboy's latest Cybergirl of the Month, takes us through a day in the life of a sexy supermodel. Doing a nice little dance for us, playing in a bikini with her cute pup and getting comfy at home all alone is how this little vixen spends her days. The bikini model flirts her way from an early morning in pink lingerie, and by the afternoon, we can already tell why the dark-haired beauty is Playboy's Internet girl for April 2014. After a nice stretch and a few teases, we wish were part of a day in Lana James' life, especially the parts including her late afternoon strip tease and lotion. Whoop!

 

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Guy Gets Kicked in the Head by Passing Train Conductor

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Wait, didn't the same thing happen to that kid everybody was looking for in Stand By Me?

One would think you could live a long and prosperous life by following three simple rules: mind your own business, pay your bills, and, oh yeah, don't stand too close to the train tracks.

Jared Michael didn't listen to the third rule, and it probably should have cost him his life on a recent trip to Peru. Instead, this moron's near fatal attempt to take a selfie has netted almost 13 million views since he posted it three days ago on YouTube:


There has been some speculation that the video is a hoax, given that Michael was taking a video selfie instead of a picture along with the fact that it is the only video on his YouTube channel. But in a recent interview, Michael insisted that the video was 100 percent real, saying that it was "more shocking than it was painful."

Either way, Michael is lucky the train conductor wasn't Chuck Norris or he'd be dead.

She's not a bright one either: Watch as This Woman Almost Gets Crushed by a Train

 

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