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PornHub Asks Users to Stop Uploading Clips From Brazil/Germany Game

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Brazil was the recipient of an epic ass-pounding yesterday, as Germany smoked them 7-1 in their World Cup semifinal matchup.

But apparently that's not the kind of ass-pounding Pornhub is looking for its users to upload.

According to UPI, the porn website received so many jokes and video clips from the game yesterday that they took to Twitter to kindly ask people to stop uploading them to their site:


To be fair, the onslaught of uploaded game highlights began only after Pornhub tweeted out this joke:
Not even 45 minutes after posting that joke, Pornhub was forced to ask its users to stop uploading clips like this one:

Pornhub Brazil Germany public humiliation
Germany will face the winner of today's Argentina/Netherlands game in the World Cup final this Sunday. Meanwhile, there might not be enough lube to get Brazil ready for their third place game this Saturday.

Well, now that you're in the mood: The 18 Hottest 2014 World Cup WAGs

 

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Road Trip: Theory vs. Reality

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Summertime means vacations. And while that usually is a good thing, sometimes people get the crazy idea that a road trip is the way to go. It's not. No matter how well you plan, they're never really enjoyable. Too much time in a confined space with other people is never a good thing. Here is every road trip's expectations and its reality.

 

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Missouri Man Shoots Wife Because He 'Got Tired of Her'

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Well, it's safe to say that honesty probably wasn't a problem in their relationship.

According to KMOV, a Naylor man has been charged with first-degree domestic assault and armed criminal action after he allegedly shot his wife because he "got tired of her."
Missouri man shoots wife because he got tired of her
Police said Bobby Leonard and his wife Carolyn got into an argument last weekend at their trailer, and it ended with Leonard shooting her in her shoulder. When police arrived on the scene, they found Carolyn "laying on the front porch covered in blood."

Ripley County Deputy Earl Wheetley said Leonard came out of the trailer and surrendered. After he was handcuffed, Leonard asked if his wife was dead. Wheetley said he then asked Leonard why he did it, and he responded, "I got tired of her and shot her."

Carolyn was flown to a Tennessee hospital where she was last listed in stable condition.

Let's be honest. From the looks of his mugshot, Leonard grew tired of a lot of other things before growing tired of his wife.

Here's something even more shocking than finding out trailers have porches: 11 Shocking Facts About the World's Biggest Brands

 

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Tennessee Man Arrested After Driving Vehicle Through Disc Golf Course

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Pot-smoking hippies doing some kind of physical activity is apparently not OK with this guy.

According to The Daily News Journal, a 37-year-old Murfreesboro man was arrested and charged with public intoxication, reckless endangerment, and disorderly conduct, but apparently not driving while intoxicated, after he nearly hit two women with his vehicle on a public disc golf course.

Unfortunately for Jason Rickard, the only one who got hit during the incident was him:

man accused of drunk driving through disc golf course
A police officer found Rickard "sitting next to his car and bleeding from his head" Thursday evening after responding to several calls about a man driving drunk through Barfield Crescent Park.

Witnesses said that after nearly hitting two women with his vehicle, Rickard got out of his vehicle and began approaching them in an "aggressive manner." Fearing for their safety, a man punched Rickard above his left eye hard enough to knock him to the ground.

So, I guess we'll address the elephant in the room by asking, "What in the hell do you have to do to get charged with drunk driving in Murfreesboro, Tennessee?"

Think Rickard's mug shot is bad? Check out these puppies: The Greatest Mug Shots of All Time

 

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Dead Rodent Found In Sandwich At NYC Salad Shop

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I really hope you don't plan on eating any time soon. And if you do, you should probably move on and not look at this disgusting picture.

Seriously, it might make you puke.

Ok, here you go. You asked for it at this point.

Actually, lets' just go over what we know first. Then I'll show you the disgusting photo of a sandwich with a rat inside of it.

So employees at the New York City law firm Stroock ordered lunch from their nearby Chop't franchise. The employees were digging in to their lunches when someone let out a loud scream.

And now we get to the horrible photo.



Ugh. Yep. That looks like a dead rodent inside a sandwich to me. Disgusting. And apparently not only disgusting but traumatizing as well. The employee who this happened to refuses to talk to any media about the incident and all of her co-workers have since taken down their tweets and photos from yesterday.

Chop't founder Tony Shure guarantees everyone that this particular shop had an A grade from the health inspector. I'm sure that's much consolation to the person who bit into a rat during a standard Tuesday afternoon work lunch.

And here's one more disgusting photo just because...



Via Gothamist

 

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This is What Life Would be Like if We All Reacted to Contact Like Soccer Players

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I'll pretty much watch anything that is set to the tune of "In the Hall of the Mountain King," but when it's a video making fun of flopping in soccer, that's an added bonus. This video, titled "Everyday Football Fouls," is a highly accurate and not exaggerated depiction of what our day-to-day lives would resemble if we all took dives like the football players of the world do.

 

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Hope Springs Eternal With Sexy Samantha Hoopes

Street Talk with Alison Becker: Where's the Weirdest Place You've Ever...

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Welcome to our weekly series where our host, comedian and actor Alison Becker, runs up to random people on the street and puts them on the spot. Becker asks funny, ridiculous and occasionally uncomfortable questions, forcing guys to reveal their darkest, most hilarious secrets.

 

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Naked Delaware Man Arrested for Masturbating in His Backyard

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Even in Delaware, you can't do that, man.

According to CBS Philly, a 56-year-old Dover man was arrested Tuesday morning after allegedly walking around his backyard butt-naked and masturbating.
Naked Delaware man arrested for masturbating in backyard
Gregory Kotzar was charged with two counts of lewdness and four counts of indecent exposure after several women working at a nearby dental office complained he was walking around his backyard naked and punching his clown.

Investigators also said Kotzar allegedly did the same exact thing on June 30th.

The women were able to identify him because he dropped off a business card at their dental office a few months ago when it first opened, but it couldn't be confirmed if there was a nudie pic on the card or if it read "professional backyard masturbator" to help them put two and two together.

Kotzar was released on $4,000 bond, but didn't admit any guilt to the accusations. Although, one look at that mugshot tells us that he's pretty embarrassed about getting busted for roping the pony in his own backyard.

Let's be honest. It's a whole hell of a lot better than what this guy did: Substitute Teacher Caught Masturbating on the Job

 

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Florida Teacher Suspended After Allegedly Twerking With Her Students

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The whole "receiving a lap dance from a student" thing probably didn't help matters either.

According to The Florida Times-Union, a Jacksonville middle school teacher has been suspended for 15 days after she was accused of drinking alcohol and twerking with students at an end-of-the-year soccer team party in May.
Twerking teacher and soccer coach suspended
Courtney Spruill is a physical education and health teacher at Kernan Middle School, and she is also the paid sponsor or assistant coach for the girls' soccer team. To celebrate the team's season, a parent of one of the girls decided to throw a party at her house for the players and coaches.

Everything was just peachy until a student tattled on Spruill for "drinking alcohol and twerking on players" at the party. There was also a cellphone video of Spruill receiving a lap dance from a student that was used during the school district's review.

The woman who owned the party house said Spruill brought vodka as a housewarming gift but only drank soda. However, the district acknowledged that Spruill used a "gross exercise of poor judgment" and suspended her.

Well, it looks like we know of one girl who won't be making the team next year.

Hot for teacher: Teachers Who Were Also Porn Stars

 

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Today's Funny Photos

18 Humorous Netflix Screengrabs

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Along with providing us countless movies, TV shows and original content to watch, Netflix has developed a reputation for having a fun sense of humor, as well. The screengrabs below highlight some of their best hidden jokes, funny captions and descriptions, and fortunate mistakes the streaming service has to offer.

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h/t Pleated-Jeans

 

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Alabama Man Finds Venomous Snake in Toilet at Work

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Whether or not somebody pooped that thing out is another story.

According to FOX 25, a man at an Alabama construction site needed to use the john recently but is lucky he didn't crap himself after finding a four-foot long snake coiled on the toilet.

alabama man snake on toilet
Willie Harris said he initially thought it was a joke when he saw the snake, but after he saw it move a couple of times, he jumped back and yelled, "Wow!" His boss called 911, and Hueytown Police Officer Alice Thompson and two male officers arrived on the scene.

Even funnier than finding a snake on top of the crapper? You guessed it: watching the female officer take care of removing it from the scene while her two male counterparts and several construction workers watched, huddled in a corner.

Using her baton as well as her scared partner's baton, Thompson was able to pick up what was believed to be a poisonous cottonmouth, carry it to the back of her partner's squad car, and release it back into the wild a short distance down the road.

In a related story, Hueytown Police Officer Alice Thompson is a smoking hottie.

​I don't think this snake was wearing a hat, but these guys are: 20 Snakes Wearing Tiny Hats

 

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Hot Belgium Fan at World Cup Lands Modeling Contract

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Sometimes it pays to be in the right place at the right time. Such was the case for 17-year-old Belgium fan Axelle Despiegelaere (her name seems pretty Belgian to us). She was in the stands at the World Cup looking hot when photographers spotted her. Given the speed of the Internet, her image went viral. With her rising fame, she set up a Facebook fan page (that has since been deactivated). But more importantly, she landed a modeling contract with L'Oreal and has already filmed a promo for them (which you can see below). She'll star in an online series of beauty tutorials. Take that, "America's Next Top Model." Check out some photos below of this Belgian babe who is sure to become a household name.

Axelle Despiegelaere, Axelle Despiegelaere sexy photos, Belgian World Cup
Axelle Despiegelaere, Axelle Despiegelaere sexy photos, Belgian World Cup
Axelle Despiegelaere, Axelle Despiegelaere sexy photos, Belgian World Cup
Axelle Despiegelaere, Axelle Despiegelaere sexy photos, Belgian World Cup
Axelle Despiegelaere, Axelle Despiegelaere sexy photos, Belgian World Cup

And here's a video of her first major makeover. (Not that she needed one.)

 

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A Handy List of '.GOP' Domain URLs That Are Still Available

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The .gop domain recently launched as the "preferred domain name for all Republicans and conservatives online." Because a new domain is not something that comes around everyday, people are obviously very excited to get their hands on their own unique .gop URLs. The problem is, the good ones go quick, so we've compiled a list of some popular ideas you can scroll through to see if they are already taken or still available for purchase. Check 'em out!

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Many submissions via Tumblr

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

You Know, Kids Can Really Be A-holes Sometimes: Vol. 2

Mandatory Abroad: 10 Days in Brazil Following the U.S. Men's National Team

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gary and max in manaus
Sometimes in life, you get offered an opportunity that is almost too good to be true. Such was the case a few months ago for Mandatory editors Gary Dudak and Max Miller, when the fine folks with DegreeSoccer.com contacted them and asked if they'd like to take a trip to Brazil to follow the U.S. Men's Soccer Team during the World Cup. After their jaws were picked up off the floor, they obviously said yes, and began to prepare for the trip of a lifetime.

The itinerary for Gary and Max was to arrive in Brazil on June 18, where they'd join the Degree team (which included sweepstakes winners who would be along for the journey, as well) and follow the USMNT around the country, attending games two and three of their group play. So, after completing some paperwork, receiving several travel vaccinations, and mentally preparing for the unknown of Brazil, the Brazil Trip Buddies (as they came to be known) were ready to depart from LA and fly to Sao Paulo. Let the fun begin! (For more, follow Degree Men on Twitter @DegreeMen)

SAO PAULO (Days 1 and 2)
gary and max with clint dempsey
Gary and Max arrived Wednesday afternoon in the largest city in the southern hemisphere, and were ready to take Brazil by storm. Unfortunately, 4 p.m. on a Wednesday in Sao Paulo means a lot of traffic, so it took a while for them to arrive at their hotel. Nevertheless, they made it safe and sound, and the adventure was officially on.

Day one pretty much consisted of meeting folks, a nice dinner and getting acquainted with the city (and the hotel bartender), but day two was where the action was. On Thursday morning, the Brazil Trip Buddies got to attend a USMNT practice and press conference at the Sao Paulo FC practice facility. The team was coming off a big first match victory over Ghana, so there was a lot of excitement in the air. They would also get to meet team captain Clint Dempsey. Here are their thoughts on their time in Sao Paulo.
clint dempsey, clint dempsey signs jersey
GARY: The city is so huge, I still have no idea where any of the places we went to were in relation to our hotel. But I would eventually learn that this would be the norm for me in Brazil. Hanging out at the USMNT's practice facility was very cool, but I was especially in awe watching Tim Howard and the goalies practice. They would drop-kick missile-like soccer shots at one another standing literally 20 feet apart and catch them before they hit their face. I would have had a broken nose and possibly been placed in a coma after one shot. However, the highlight of the day was definitely meeting Clint Dempsey and getting him to sign my chest (photo right). He was a very cool dude, and I'm glad he had a successful World Cup performance overall. I'm also never washing that jersey.

MAX: Touring the training facility was an experience I'll never forget. Getting to see the team fresh off a win against Ghana as they practiced for the upcoming match against Portugal was amazing. And Clint couldn't have been a more cordial guy. He came off as confident, determined, and was incredibly thankful for the support from fans. However, he then spent most of the time telling everyone what a big fan of Mandatory he was. (That last part's not true. He didn't even say the word "mandatory." Not even like, "This practice is mandatory.")

MANAUS (Days 3-6)

gary and max at usa portugal game
Bright and early on Friday morning, it was time to head to the jungle. As you may know, Manaus is the capital and largest city of the state of Amazonas. The U.S. Soccer Team was scheduled to take on Portugal in only the second game ever played at Manaus' new Arena da Amazônia on Sunday, and Gary and Max would have great seats for the game. Before that, though, they also got to explore the jungle city and take an Amazon tour that was like nothing they had ever done before.

GARY: The Manaus portion of our trip was definitely my favorite, which is funny, because heading in it was the city I was most worried about killing me. I had pretty much convinced myself that I was going to get bit by a poisonous spider or snake, or would get lost in the rainforest and be usa v portugal world cup ticketsmurdered by a tribe of indigenous Amazonians. None of that came even close to being true, and our Saturday boat tour to the "Meeting of Waters" (where the Rio Negro meets the Amazon River) and into the jungle was incredible. I saw a real monkey in a tree for heaven's sake! Then, we attended a USA rally that night with the American Outlaws, a dedicated and rabid group of U.S. Soccer supporters, which is where I did my best chanting ("I believe that we will win!") and subsequent dancing. This all culminated with a late-night trip to a local Manaus karaoke bar, which really brought the group together.

Sunday's game vs. Portugal was the icing on the cake. I had never been to a live soccer match before, so for this to be my first was surreal. The new stadium was remarkable-looking inside and out (despite complaints about the grass not being ready), and the game was magical. Interestingly, the closest I came to dying on this trip was when I nearly choked on my hot dog after Jermaine Jones scored to tie the game. When Dempsey put the U.S. ahead in the final minutes, I almost passed out from cheering so hard. Yes, Portugal's goal in the final seconds to end the game in a draw was a bummer, but it was still an extraordinary experience. And just to show you how pumped up everybody was before the game, here's a short video of CNN trying to do a report on it before giving up because it was too loud.

MAX: Gary nailed it. Manaus was the best part of the trip. The tour on the boats into the Amazon was the first time upon our arrival in Brazil that I truly felt that I was in a very different place than the one I grew up in. The closest I had come before that was watching the movie "Anaconda" 237 times during my childhood. In fact, during the entire boat trip, Gary and I did so many impressions of Jon Voight's terrible accent from that movie that the rest of the group wanted to toss us overboard. Luckily they didn't, because I really wanted to see a World Cup game and it ended up being one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever been to.

RECIFE (Days 7-10)
gary and max recife germany vs usa
Before they even really had time to recover from the emotional roller coaster that was the USA/Portugal game, it was time for a trek to the beach city of Recife where the U.S. was scheduled to take on Germany. Someone should've told the Brazil Trip Buddies what a weather forecast was because this beach city was about to unleash a serious downpour. But a little rain wasn't about to stop the heroes of this story.

GARY: After leaving the heat and humidity of Manaus, I was looking forward to the sun and beaches of Recife. Unfortunately, the tidbit of info everyone kept telling us ("It's actually wingary and max with creepy brazil statuester in Brazil right now") finally became relevant, as it was their rainy season. It didn't matter too much on Tuesday, though, as we were able to head south of Recife about an hour to a beautiful little beach tourist destination called Porto de Galinhas. The sun was out most of the day, which was lovely, and when it did rain we had plenty of Caipirinhas (Brazil's national cocktail) to keep us happy. Wednesday was a free day to explore the city and shop for souvenirs, which led to our discovery of the very creepy statues you can see here on the right. We also ate dinner at Restaurante Mingus, one of the finest joints in Recife. This all built up to Thursday's rainy game against Germany, which ended in a celebration even though the U.S. lost because they still advanced to the knockout round. All thing considered, it was a pretty awesome way to conclude our trip.

MAX: Look, I'm not going to pretend that I didn't complain about the rain the day of the match at first like the little spoiled Southern California brat that I am, but it actually made the match against Germany even more exciting than it already was. I mean, there was a guy wearing nothing but an American flag speedo. If that doesn't motivate you to support your country through any type of weather, I don't know what does. We tossed on some cheap ponchos, got up on our feet, and cheered on the team until our throats hurt. It was a hell of a match and effort by a team who managed to advance despite many counting them out before the tournament even began.


We want to thank DegreeSoccer.com and their amazing team - Sarah, Khara, Nicole, Ethan, Nancy, Jason, Brian and company - for everything they did to make this trip happen. And a shout-out to all of our travel companions who kept the journey entertaining at all times. This trip was an experience that we'll never forget. Enjoy some more of our favorite photos from Brazil below.

gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt
gary and max brazil trip, degree brazil usmnt

 

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The Sexiest Girls on Instagram, Vol. 3

ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com - Season 2, Episode 4

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In the fourth episode of Season 2 of "ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com," Mark ventures out of the office and dives headfirst into the world of stand-up comedy. Being the wordsmith that he is, it should be easy for him to connect with his audience, right? Not quite. But he does slightly improve with each open mic night performance (or at least he thinks so).

For more funny original content, subscribe to Mandatory's YouTube channel and be sure to follow Mark Twain on Twitter.

 

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