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Woman Threw Boiling Water at Boyfriend's Penis Because She Thought He Slept With Her Daughter

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The best part of the story is that once she was thrown in prison, the guy went and had sex with her daughter for real.

According to Uproxx, a 45-year-old English woman from Newcastle was sentenced to 15 months behind bars after she threw a boiling pot of water at her boyfriend's manhood because she heard rumors that he was also nailing her daughter.

Luckily for Peter Bailey, Helen Corbett missed his penis and hit his left leg instead, leaving this gruesome burn:

English woman throws boiling water at her boyfriend's penis
But the story took an unexpected turn once Corbett began serving her prison sentence, as Bailey schtooped her daughter Crystal for real in an act of retaliation.

And of course, now that Bailey considers the two of them even, he hopes that they can patch things up and get back together again because he "still loves her."

"Helen has sent me letters from prison and she recently gave me a card telling me how much she still wants to be with me," Bailey said.

Let's be honest, Peter Bailey. After finding out that you nailed her daughter while she was in prison, the only reason she'll want to be with you is so she can finish the job.

It's hard to say whether this is an up or down for Bailey's hog: The Life of a Man's Penis Has Ups and Downs

 

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You Might Want to Be More Careful When You List Titles, Movie Theaters

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Movie signs are typically very straightforward. You see a title, the theater is showing it. I don't have to tell you how it works. But sometimes certain movies get released within weeks of each other, end up on a sign together and give us gems like these. Please enjoy these very funny movie marquees.

(h/t Little White Lion)

funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees
And this last isn't an actual title, but it's still hilarious...
funny movie signs, funny movie marquees

 

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Today's Funny Photos

The Original Names and Logos of 23 Famous Companies

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It's no surprise that large businesses are constantly adapting and changing in order to make money. That's what it's all about. Sometimes, though, companies will go through a major phase of rebranding that could result in a new name, logo or identity. It doesn't always work, but for the 23 brands below, we can safely say they made the right choice. (via DesignTAXI)

original names of iconic companies, famous rebrands

 

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6 Game-Changing Playlist Apps

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Music aps

If you're tired of Spotify, or have been burned one time too many times by Pandora's Jay-Z station, read on for a list of six apps that help take the guesswork out of play-listing.

Music aps

1) PaceDJ
Don't make your workout any harder than it needs to be; PaceDJ pulls tunes from the music you already own, and matches it to the level of your workout - whether you're doing slow reps with heavy weights, or sprinting, your music adjusts accordingly.

Music aps

2) MusicTube
Get all the benefits of listening to music through YouTube without having to actually play the video. MusicTube has full albums, live concerts and the tracks in between, and is easily customizable.

Music aps

3) Songza
Looking for the perfect soundtrack for walking down the street? Maybe you wish you were drinking at a dive bar. Songza's great at matching the right tracks to your mood.

Music aps

4) 8Tracks
Choose a theme or genre, and this app will put together tracks that are commercial-free.

Music aps

5) Google Play
If you hate limits, commercials, and restrictions of any kind, the Google Play app will make you pretty happy. Upload up to 20,000 songs, download any of them, and free up space on your iPhone.

Music aps

6) Beats Music
The Beats Music app takes the time to get to know you and your tastes. The more you listen, the better the app gets at nailing down new recommendations. It just might be your most successful relationship yet.

 

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I Watched Every Single 'Saw' Movie In A Row. This Is My Story.

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Saw

You know how the weekend is a perfect time to go to the beach or spend some time with loved ones? It's also a wonderful time to watch every one of the "Saw" movies in a row! Most movie fans will agree that the first one is a great thriller with an iconic twist ending, but after that it's just a cinematic cash cow being milked until dust comes out.

Here is what happens when you watch all seven of the "Saw" films - even the one they decided to do in 3-D for some reason - in a row. Be warned, it's not pretty. For 11 hours, I did nothing but watch Jigsaw play games. These are my thoughts as I watched in real time:

Saw
I'm actually looking forward to watching this one. I haven't seen it in years, plus it has Miles from "Lost" in it and also DANNY GLOVER!



I think people focus way too much on the murderous, sadistic side of Jigsaw and not on the fact that he's an amazing ventriloquist. I think if I were a detective on the case I would just search all the local craft stores for anyone buying the supplies to make ridiculous looking puppets and cross-reference that with adults buying red tricycles.



By the way, how is Jigsaw just walking around dressed like a hipster druid and no one minds? Every time we see him he's wearing this giant black and red robe. I feel like if you put an APB out saying, "Be on the lookout for emo Obi-Wan Kenobi" it wouldn't be that hard to track him down.


"Oh hey guys. Don't mind me. I'm just looking for the body of John Locke."

The first movie is honestly not that bad. Sure it's a little silly, but it feels more like a crime thriller than a series of bad riddles that end with body parts whipping around like Willow Smith's hair in 2010. My biggest problem with it is this:



How terrible are the janitors at this place? Those toilets are a mess, the walls are subpar to say the least, and surely that puddle of blood is a fall/lawsuit waiting to happen. If this were a video game, you could twist that valve on the side and a bunch of coins would fall out of the ceiling.



Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. So the "Princess Bride" shot the guy from "Insidious," which would have killed him if he did it correctly. Ben Linus shows up and tries to shoot "Princess Bride," only to be stopped by "Insidious." If he hadn't survived then wouldn't everyone have died? Also Jigsaw just kind of boned "Insidious" guy because the key to his chain was in the bathtub that was immediately drained. Was his "big sin" not conserving enough water? By the way, what if Jigsaw woke up before everything had finished transpiring? "Wow hey sorry guys. I guess I have a bit of explaining to do lol." Get out of here with your lies, Jigsaw.

On to Saw II!



I was a little disappointed by the setup Jigsaw had put this guy in as the movie started, since I'm not fond on watching people attempt to cut out their own eyeballs, but then things got a lot better. How's that, you ask?



NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK! Donnie Don and the Funky Bunch are on the case and he's doing all the things police officers do. He's shining flashlights and loosening his tie in a dramatic fashion. I guess you could say he's solving the case...."step by step?" Or maybe you could say that, no matter what Jigsaw does, he's still...."hangin' tough?" God I wish I could high five myself right now.


The police busted in and caught Jigsaw, who apparently just sits around in his robe all day waiting for intruders to fall into his traps like a less witty version of Kevin McCallister in "Home Alone."



Now we find out that Jigsaw has New Kids on the Block's son and some other random people trapped in a house. Is that the girl from "7th Heaven?" I don't think there's a more smooth career transition than going from "7th Heaven" to "Saw II." Everyone is freaking out and giving way too much personal information about themselves for no reason. One guy was talking about how long he was in prison. Why would you just throw out that information?

"It seems we've been kidnapped. I have a severe gluten allergy and I hate Burt Reynolds movies."

Everyone keeps talking about how Jigsaw wants them to survive and he's only testing them. Maybe I'm being silly, but a test for me would be like leaving a $20 bill hanging out of your pocket and seeing if you'll grab it. Not making you cut your eyeball out in order to get a key to keep your skull from being crushed.


After watching several people die on video monitors, NKOTB decides to do something besides just letting Jigsaw sit in his chair and hang out with everybody. Seriously, wouldn't they have at least started booking him by now? He goes "Zero Dark Thirty" on old Jigs and gets out of the building without anyone noticing. This could seriously be the worst team of police officers ever assembled.



So finally we figure out the big twist is that Daniel, Wahlberg's son, was in the safe in the room with the officers the whole time! All of the footage they were watching was prerecorded! What Jigsaw was trying to teach him was that when a psychopath kidnaps your son and infects him with a deadly virus, while making your watch him narrowly escape death at every corner, just chill out. Relax, bro. Just enjoy your day and everything will work itself out. Sound advice!

Let's start Saw III!

I'm not hating life yet, but I'm definitely not looking forward to FIVE more of these movies.


This guy was given another simple test by Jigsaw. Apparently he spent a lot of time in prison so Jigsaw gave him the choice of ripping giant chains out of his body, which would most certainly result in him bleeding to death, or getting destroyed with a bomb. SEEMS FAIR.

"Hey I know you've had several speeding tickets so you either have to eat this entire Honda Civic in two minutes or a thousand children will stab you to death with dull pencils."


We jump right into another "test" where Not-Felicity has to get a key out of a bucket of acid that eats her skin within a minute, or her ribs get torn apart. The trap was rigged by a mysterious stranger, so she would die either way. She does the only logical thing and throws her hands up like Michael Jackson's world tour:


This one just keeps going on and on with traps and very little plot to actually tie it all together. Can you imagine if Jigsaw used his creativity to make patents and helpful inventions instead of trying to create Mr. Freeze from "Batman Forever?"


We get this whole story about trust or forgiveness or something, but the best part of the whole movie had to be this scene:


Jigsaw is a sadistic pseudo-serial killer but that doesn't mean he forgets to take time for a little arts and crafts! I just want to picture him planning out all of these elaborate traps and schemes, but putting them on hold because he ran out of red paint to put a cute swirl on his puppet's cheek.

Jigsaw has some Home Depot brain surgery done on him with power tools and then a guy that kind of looks like Shrek gets his legs and arms twisted off like a 20oz bottle of Sprite Remix.

We get another one of those elaborate flashbacks where the entire plot is spoonfed to us in two minutes. We find out those unwinnable tests were actually put together by the junkie girl. Great. Whatever. I ordered a pizza 45 minutes ago and it's still not here. Is this a game, Jigsaw? Are you testing me? I'm not stabbing the pizza guy, if that's what you're wanting. Oh also Jigsaw died, which would normally end a franchise, but just like Tupac, he keeps cranking out the hits from beyond the grave.

Saw IV hooray!


Jigsaw is dead, but he got me good right from the beginning on this one. Within the first 2 minutes, we see his balls. Sorry John, I don't want to play this game. I didn't really think I would be spending my evening looking at the balls of a corpse, but here we are!


Oh cool another great test that's definitely not guaranteed to murder someone. One dude's eyes are sewn shut and the other guy's mouth is sewn shut. I guess they're supposed to work together to keep from dying? How is Jigsaw's crew buying all of these tools for traps without raising any suspicion? Are they winning storage lockers and just working with what they find or is this the worst Amazon wish list ever created?


Good old Detective Hoffman is becoming much more prominent at this point. Seriously, how obvious is it that he's a bad guy? He always looks sweaty while bending the rules, but not quite breaking them. There are some new detectives this time, probably because all the other ones have been murdered. Of all the guys to after, they decide to take down this fella:



What's his big sin, you ask? He cares too much about his friends and tries to rush in and save them. Boy, it's a good thing Jigsaw is bringing this troublemaker down a peg or two. The most important thing that's revealed to us is a big one. Guess who's still alive?


Wahlberg!!! After all this time he's still alive. I really hope someone at least told him his son is alive. That's just mean, if you ask me.

(In case you're wondering my pizza finally got here and it's delicious. I really didn't think about how disgusting it would be watching a woman slowly getting her scalp ripped off while eating tomato sauce and pepperoni, though. That was definitely a lack of planning on my part.)



For some reason they're really delving into this horrible story that Jigsaw has conveniently forgotten about all these years. A junkie smashed a door into his pregnant wife's stomach and caused her to have a miscarriage. You'd think he would seek revenge on guys like this before now, but no. Instead he's tormenting guys for really loving their children and officers that support their colleagues a little more than he thinks they should. I spilled Sprite all over my shirt so now I'm even more upset about this.



Jigsaw is just pissing me off at this point. Remember the junkie guy that accidentally hit his pregnant wife with a door? He made him press his face through a bunch of knives. After he got out, with his mutilated face, the dude obviously tried to attack Jigsaw, only to fall into barbed wire and painfully die. I suppose this was also just a test. There are three pieces of pizza left, but I'm so annoyed by Jigsaw's stupid, fake morals I don't even want to eat them. (I'm going to eat them, but just out of spite.)

All heck just broke loose as New Kids on the Block gets smashed to death with ice cubes and everyone else gets shot. Hoffman and the guy from "Gilmore Girls" are the only ones left. Hey, here's an easy way to find out who's committing all the murders; go to Staples and look at their sales records. Whoever bought 800 mini cassette tapes is your killer. It ends with Jigsaw assuring us the games have just begun. I hate him so much right now.

Oh god I just realized there aren't six of these movies; there are seven. This is like finding out there's one more year of high school after your senior year and it's nothing but chemistry classes. I hated chemistry.



The scene with "Gilmore Girls" getting a box stuck on his head is truly hilarious. He ends up jamming a pen into his throat so he can breath, which means if his attacker had also stuck a Pringles can over each of his hands, then he would've been killed.

Hoffman gets promoted and the police chief talks about all the brave officers that gave their lives in the hunt for Jigsaw. They show a picture of Miles from "Lost" and Danny Glover, but I'm assuming the other 200 photos are wrapped around the building like a Hobby Lobby sidewalk sale. Seriously, there's no way I'd stay on the force knowing that there's a 97% chance I'll be killed by a puppet.



Somehow during all of chaos, another group of people have been kidnapped and placed into a house set up with traps that would've taken months to set up. This group may be the most obnoxious of all because each "test" is clear that they could work together and all survive, but instead they just keep killing each other. They seem as bored of Jigsaw's tricks as I am. I just want to take a shower.



This entire movie is a steady dose of those idiots killing each other and "Gilmore Girls" verbally walking through the entire plot of the series, explaining how Hoffman was involved with everything. Sure, whatever.



At least we got these really adorable scenes of Jigsaw training Hoffman in his ways:

Step 1: Get a silky, hooded robe
Step 2: Buy a bunch of pig masks, for some reason
Step 3: I dunno, kill some people?

The good news is that each of these movies gets shorter and shorter. The bad news is that I would rather lick Hoffman's greasy hairbrush than watch another one. Nevertheless, I press on.



It ends with Hoffman lying on some broken glass in a box while "Gilmore Girls" gets crushed by the trash compactor from "Star Wars." I just remembered I have a pack of Reese's Cup in the freezer. That's really the only thing I took away from the scene.

Saw VI (Does it even matter which one it is anymore?!)



Hahahaha this is the most ridiculous test yet. This lady and her chubby friend are being "tested" because they're loan officers and Jigsaw felt like they loaned out too much money. By the end it's going to be, "you knowingly drank a Pepsi when there was a Coke readily available to you. For this sin, one of you will die."

This round Jigsaw has decided that an evil insurance manager must pay. Hoffman and Jigsaw's hot wife are trying to kill a reporter or each other or something. I just miss what life was like before I started watching these movies. I miss the warmth of the sun.

Wait, are you telling me no one remembers someone coming into Party City and buying two dozen of these:



The whole trap house story was the same routine of killing terrible people, except they also killed the janitor, for some reason. What on earth could the janitor have possibly done to piss off Jigsaw and deserve to be crushed to death? He's already trying to live off the wages of janitorial services, so why not cut him a break for not watering the office plants enough.



A few questions I have about the series:
  • Do we find out if John spells his name Kramer or Cramer? I really want to know if he ties in with Seinfeld at all.
  • Are we seriously not going to address how far out of Jigsaw's league his wife is? It's almost comical.
  • Have you ever noticed "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is basically "Saw," but with desserts?



This one ends with Hoffman looking like my cousin when he had to get those ridiculous full head braces when he was 11. Now the three cops that aren't dead have to know he's up to no good, right? It's the last movie and I'm seriously about to start crying.

Ok let's talk about two things that are already stupid in this movie: First of all, we just randomly get a flashback scene of Princess Bride crawling over and burning his leg wound shut. That's not suspicious at all.



Now this next thing we seriously need to talk about:



We've gotten to the point that Jigsaw is now playing extreme relationship therapist and decides to make these dudes either murder each other or cut a girl in half because she was cheating on them. During that scene, the funniest possible thing happened. This puppet came rolling in on a tricycle to explain what was going on:



That means Hoffman or Jill or Gandalf or whomever is the killer in this particular scenario had to pose this cute little guy on his bike and make him ride out to chat with the audience. That's adorable!

The worst part of this movie is that the studio decided to do it in 3D to make some extra money, which forced them to put in those awful scenes that are clearly only there to take advantage of the 3D effects. They might as well be dangling their finger in front of them and yelling, "does it look like it's coming at you? DOES IT?!" The Jill Tuck dream death might as well have been a Tom & Jerry cartoon.

The guy in the house of pain is a fraud author that pretended to be one of Jigsaw's surviving test patients. If Jigsaw needed a reason to kill someone, maybe he should have looked at himself for wearing this stupid hat and looking like the worst undercover cop posing as a teen ever:



I seriously almost peed my pants because this puppet just crashed through the window in a giant birdcage like he was the Kool Aid Man. It was so over the top and unnecessarily dramatic. I wish the rest of the movie was just 40 minutes of that happening over and over.



There are a bunch of new cops again. I'm assuming there's no time for training so now there's just a sign-up sheet. Don't worry, they all died. If you're a petty criminal, this is the city for you. Literally every member of law enforcement has been killed by Jigsaw, so all you have to do is walk into a Best Buy and steal whatever you want. Stab someone. Urinate on the floor. It's basically "The Purge."

The guy that wrote the fake book saw pretty much everyone involved in his lies be brutally murdered. However, when he's unable to hang from chains by only his titties, she gets burned alive. Hmm, what exactly did she do?

Hoffman kills Jill and every detective, officer, and parking meter in the tri-state area and destroys all the evidence. It looks like he's going to get away but guess who shows up?



Of course! Why wouldn't the guy that had his family kidnapped and tormented while also having to brutally saw off his own leg help out in Jigsaw's adventures? I'm sure he would definitely want to see people slowly and painfully killed after going through the hell that he experienced. Honestly, at this point, I wish Dr. Gordon would come through the doors and put me out of my misery. Lock me in that stupid bathroom with Hoffman and the ghost of your dead foot. Take your subpar 3D effects, your "GAME OVER" catch phrase, and leave me alone. I'm going to bed.

 

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Florida Man Arrested for Masturbating in the Street

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After a five-year-old girl saw this and told police, landing a simple job like cashier at Toys "R" Us is probably going to be harder for this guy than convincing a judge that he was just "house hunting."

According to the Northwest Florida Daily News, Daniel Lewis Davis was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition and intentionally exposing his genitals in the presence of a victim under 16 years old after he parked his Ford F-150 in a Mary Esther neighborhood, stood in the middle of the street "completely naked" and began masturbating while a five-year-old girl looked on.
guy busted masturbating in the road in Florida neighborhood
Police said the 21-year-old Lewis then ran back and forth in the road before jumping back into his truck and taking off. After the girl and another witness told police what they had seen, police spotted Lewis driving his truck without a shirt on. When they pulled him over, they noted he "appeared to be putting on pants or shorts."

Lewis denied he was punching his clown in the street and told police he was just "house hunting."

From the looks of it, I guess you could say he's pretty interested in purchasing one or two of them.

Apparently shopping for home decor can also be quite arousing: Woman Says She Saw Kellen Winslow Jr. Masturbating in a Target Parking Lot

 

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13 Attractive Actresses Who Have Played Unattractive TV Characters

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Sometimes attractive girls will do just about anything for the part, even if that means playing unattractive roles on TV. We're sure that these characters were fun to play, as they were definitely funny to watch.

America Ferrera played Betty Suarez on "Ugly Betty"
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Judy Greer played Kitty Sanchez on "Arrested Development"
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Elisabeth Moss plays Peggy Olson on "Mad Men"
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Gwendoline Christie plays Brienne of Tarth on "Game of Thrones"
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Jenna Fischer played Pam Beesly-Halpert on "The Office"
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Kaitlin Olson plays Deandra "Dee" Reynolds on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
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Laura Prepon played Donna Pinciotti on "That '70s Show"
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Lea Michele plays Rachel Berry on "Glee"
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Melissa Rauch plays Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz on "The Big Bang Theory"
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Tina Fey played Liz Lemon on "30 Rock"
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Zooey Deschanel plays Jessica Day on "The New Girl"
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Tori Spelling played Violet Bickerstaff on "Saved by the Bell"
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Thesy Surface plays Margaret McPoyle on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
hot girls who played ugly, hot girl ugly tv character

 

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Girl Does the Ice Bucket Challenge Right After Getting Her Wisdom Teeth Pulled

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Who needs to drop 17 bucks on the third installment of The Expendables when you can get blood, action and comedy gold in this 79-second clip of a girl doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge shortly after getting her wisdom teeth pulled?

The unnamed girl is still pretty loopy from the drugs used during the dental procedure, but that doesn't stop her from disobeying her mother's orders and sneaking out of her room to help raise money and awareness for ALS.


Dressed like a 32-year-old guy who has completely given up and moved back in with his parents, the girl is beyond thrilled about assisting in the fight against ALS, almost as thrilled as she is about the fact that she's still bleeding from getting her wisdom teeth pulled.

But if you think about it, this girl might be the smartest person yet to do the challenge. I mean, if she's feeling no pain after getting her teeth yanked out, there is no way a small bucket of ice water stands a chance.

This guy has a lot to say after his trip to the dentist: Drugged Guy Says Awesome Stuff After Dental Surgery

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

Montana Man Calls 911 Because Stripper Won't Have Sex With Him

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That's pretty crazy when you think about it. I mean, how could she turn down that mustache?
Guy calls 911 because stripper won't have sex with him
According to The Smoking Gun, a 53-year-old Butte man is in deep shit after calling 911 to complain that a stripper who just gave him a private lap dance wouldn't go the extra mile and let him plow her.

Police said William McDaniel paid $350 for a private dance at Sagebrush Sam's Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, but when the dancer refused to have sex with him, he decided to call 911 to file a complaint.

Local authorities decided not to charge McDaniel for misuse of the town's emergency system, but he was slapped with the much more embarrassing misdemeanor charge of offering money for sexual favors instead.

Perhaps the best part of the story is that Sagebrush Sam's only has one review on Yelp, and it's not a very good one. In March, somebody other than McDaniel also wasn't very pleased about his time in the strip club, saying it was "dirty and smells like vomit."

But unlike McDaniel, that guy chose Yelp instead of dialing 911 to complain about it.

Usually this stuff happens in Florida: Florida Woman Calls 911 for Sex

 

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Mandatory Viewing: Nicki Minaj's Assets

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MANDATORY VIEWING 082014 - V.01.Mp4

Welcome to Mandatory Viewing -- our weekly show where men talk sports, politics, current events, and really weird Internet videos they hope their children will never see. This week: an epic ice bucket fail, what it looks like to win $15m, and much more.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

Cats Reacting to Being Outside for the First Time Is Just What You Need Today

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If you have an indoor cat who has never been outside, you don't know what you're missing. If your cat is going to have a similar reaction to any of these cats below, you need to let them out the minute you get home and get your phone out to document the entire experience. As you'll see, it's pretty magical.

(h/t Pleated-Jeans)

funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions
funny cat faces, funny cat reactions

 

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The Case of the Missing Turkey Sandwich Has a Gratifying Conclusion

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We all know how hilarious office notes can be, but when an all-out passive aggressive war breaks out due to a sandwich thief in the kitchen, the awesomeness reaches a pinnacle. The case of the missing turkey and swiss on rye you are about to read is a mysterious thriller with a shocking conclusion - one that we think you'll enjoy. (via eBaum's World)

missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war
missing turkey sandwich, passive aggressive office note war

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

South Carolina Woman Beats Up Man Who Farted in Her Face

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We might have to take away this guy's man card after he ripped ass in a woman's face and then called the cops after she got pissed about it.
woman punches man who farted in her face
According to The Smoking Gun, a 33-year-old Myrtle Beach woman punched a 64-year-old man who usually sleeps on her porch after he came home intoxicated Monday night and farted in her face while she was "laying on the couch."

Jessica Cerney initially walked outside to get away from Darrell McKnight, but when he followed her, an argument ensued. It came to an abrupt end when Cerney punched McKnight in the face three times with a closed fist.

But instead of coming to the conclusion that a few right hooks to the face probably made them even for the panty burp he unleashed in her face earlier, McKnight decided to get the cops involved. Both he and Cerney were issued citations for disorderly conduct fighting, and McKnight was transported to the hospital with a swollen eye.

Somewhere between calling Cerney's porch his house and getting his ass kicked by a woman, we're beginning to think that McKnight's life has been a series of one piss-poor decision after another.

If McKnight chose Taco Bell for dinner, then he probably deserved more than a few fists to the face: 18 GIFs Showing What Happens After Eating Taco Bell

 

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Moron Tries to Rob Undercover Cop During Drug Deal, Winds Up on the Ground, Crying in Cuffs

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And this, boys and girls, is why you don't grow up to be a drug dealer. (Especially a stupid one.)

The video begins with this idiot hopping into a car to pull off your standard parking lot drug deal. Little does he know he's dealing with an undercover cop who is surrounded by backup and cameras.

Halfway through the deal, this guy decides he's not going to honor his part of the deal and tries to rob the woman of her cash. Within seconds, backup flies in, slams the dude to the ground and has him in cuffs as he pleads in tears that he can give up his boss. Apparently, this crook is not only stupid, he's also a snitch.

 

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TMZ Runs Story on Scott Weiland Getting Arrested for Meth But It Wasn't Him

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Former Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland has done enough drugs in his lifetime to make Afroman look like Mother Teresa, but TMZ could be in serious trouble for mistakenly reporting that he was recently busted for meth in Los Angeles.

TMZ falsely reports Scott Weiland arrest for meth
According to Uproxx, TMZ posted a story yesterday that Weiland had been in jail for the last four weeks on $95,000 bond after stealing razors from a Beverly Hills Rite-Aid as well as a subsequent search that turned up meth, adding:

The Stone Temple Pilots singer is in jail ... charged with felony possession of a controlled substance and burglary ... We're also told Scott pulled the celeb card, telling cops, "I'm Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots."

There was one big problem with the story, though: Scott Weiland wasn't arrested for stealing razors and meth possession.

The man rotting in jail was instead 44-year-old Jason Michael Hurley, who not only looks like Weiland, but also has the same birthday as him and was able to temporarily convince police that he was the rock star.

Weiland learned about the story while he was in the studio with his band The Wildabouts, and we don't think he was very happy about it:


No way did Liam Gallagher make this list. Oh wait, he did? Rock History's Greatest Frontmen

 

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